Grape Fall 2021 Issue 2

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Vol. 69 NO. 2

OBERLIN’S ALTERNATIVE STUDENT NEWSPAPER EST. 1999 November 5, 2021

ISSUE ONE COVER ART Front Cover: Eleanore Winchell Back Cover: Averly Sheltraw

Priya Banerjee and Levi Dayan Co-Editors-in-Chief Izzy Halloran Managing Editor Wyatt Camery Features Editor Liza MacKeen Shapiro Opinions Editor

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Saffron Forsberg Arts and Culture Editor

Anna Harberger Layout Editor

Juli Freedman Bad Habits Editor

Eva Sturm-Gross Art Director

Fiona Farrell, Teagan Hughes, Kira Mesch, Anna Scott, Daisy Vollen Staff Writers

The Grape’s Staff Halloween Catwalk It may have been last weekend, but we at The Grape are still feeling the Spirit of Halloween. And if people can leave their Christmas decorations up until April, why should the fact that we were editing this issue over Halloweekend stop us from looking back on all of the scares and the smiles? So without further ado, here’s what the staff wore for Halloween: Levi: Halloweekend was a movie, and not the movie Halloween because nobody died as far as I know.

Friday night I was dressed as Karl Havoc, making this the second Oberlin Halloweekend in a row where I dressed as a character from I Think You Should Leave. I wore fake muscles and an old man mask, and it’s probably the only costume I’ve ever worn that actually scared the shit out of a lot of people, including myself. The costume basically forced me to method act because there really was too much fucking shit on me, and it did get really hot. After having gone all out the previous night I went for something a little more basic. I dressed as Vince Guaraldi, the guy who did the Peanuts music who had a legendary sexy stache. My fake mustache fell off about a million different times but overall the costume was a success.

Fiona: Given my naturally tired disposition I’m going as a bed bug. I’m just going to wear my most glamorous or trashiest (I haven’t decided yet) pajamas and these cheap, sort of overly bendy antennae I have. If I get bored of that, my last name is Farrell, and I’ve been meaning to try out some Collin Farrell characters.

Anna H-B: I went as Baby of the Year runner up Taffy Lee Fubbins (also from I Think You Should Leave) and the album cover of Hole’s Live Through This!

Emma: I am going to be the video of Bjork attacking the reporter. I will be wearing a green sweater and black pants and a little beaded bag. I am just crossing my fingers that people will know what I’m talking about.

Juli: I love Halloween, but for me, Halloween truly is everyday. I famously worked at a year-round costume shop (shoutout Chicago Costume) for all of fall semester, so baby, don’t fret, mama knows her costumes.

Which is why I feel as though I am the only girl in the world that gets a pass on not having an amazing stume.

On Friday I was Joan of Arc, you know, the famous hot gay of history who like slayed bitches or something. I got this idea from going to a comedy show back home and

one of the comedians wore a chainmail cowl, a la Joan, and in my heart I knew I needed one. I wore all silver, which you already know I had in my closet, and then spraypainted my accessories. I even cut bangs for this!

Where the real tragedy comes in is that the chainmail cowl did not arrive until it was too late. I tried to recreArt by Eva Sturm-Gross

ated some of this shiny headpiece by putting silver bobby pins in my hair but I just sort of looked cute, not the medieval sex pot look I wanted. Maybe far in the future I will go as Joan Rivers of Arc, although that is who I want to be everyday. Obviously, I will be wearing this chainmail cowl literally everywhere all the time, so it’s not a huge bummer. On Saturday I went as Golden Girls to work at the bowling alley, which was covered up by the bowling shirt, but, oh well! I have been scheming for a GG party sometime before I leave. And then at night I was “sexy basketball,” which is another look I had been thinking about for a while yet did not come together until the day of. I shook my basketball titties all the way to a party, got mad anxiety, and waddled my basketball titties outta there! All in all, fun weekend, super sloshed. And I leave you on some words of wisdom: if you wanna dress up everyday please do! I beg of you! Embarrassment is a choice! And don’t do it for me. Do it for Professor Suarez, who is one of the most immaculately dressed people I have ever seen. Real fucking high fashion shit every damn day and I don’t know how he does it.

Saffron: Ok, so, look. I think as soon as I hit puberty I ran out of good halloween costume ideas, so I’ve been kind of running on empty with these fuckers... but this year...this year, I feel like I did something. You remember in like 2011-or-something when some dweeb thought damn...these Disney Princesses are hot and all but...what if they were super tatted and alternative and Stoner Bae Af? Well I can tell you I do remember that.

And when I dyed my hair this really OMG-Look-at-MeI’m-21 shade of bright red this summer, I immediately looked in the mirror and thought “oh so you’re that vapid fish broad who traded her hot fucking tail for a man!”

Yes, yes, the rumors are true; I went as alt/hipster edit Ariel for Halloween. Incredibly brave. And just picture it: tattoo sleeves, Jack Daniels muscle tee, black beanie, big ole hipster glasses, smokey eye behind ‘em, and even a brown eyeliner pencil neck tat (“ARIEL <3 ERIC”).

The only thing I didn’t consider is that I already look like a pretty raging lesbian on a daily basis so when I put all my hot Tumblrina accessories on, I kind of just ended up looking like off-duty Johnny Depp. Eeeeek.

Eva: I was a horse Anna: Uh… I ordered a lime green bikini intending to be Bunny Lebowski, but I got too cold :( Over the weekend, I just wore some funny hats instead!

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A History Of AVI Fresh Article by Student Labor Action Coalition Oberlin’s dining system is failing us—but how did we get here? The issues students have been facing the past few weeks are symptoms of a much larger, and very troubling, issue: Austerity. Austerity is the process of cutting spending and increasing revenue, which Oberlin does by slashing programs on campus and increasing enrollment. Beginning with the launch of the Academic and Administrative Review (AAPR), the committee Oberlin put together to balance their budget in 2018, Oberlin has focused on cutting costs and saving money wherever they can. This has been done with no consideration of the students, staff, or community. Despite claims of being in a financial crisis, Oberlin’s nearly $1 billion endowment fund—donation money set aside for use in times of crisis—remains untouched. In the past few years, the school has refused to use the endowment, instead choosing to outsource dining, sanitation work, and student jobs within CDS. They have also hiked up the price of OSCA, cut disability services and the MRC budget, hired fewer RAs, and instituted limits on hiring professors.

The endowment fund is currently being used for alternative investments, a problematic and secretive way to build assets. This method of investment permits only a few people to see what the college is investing in, which raises the question: why are they so intent in hiding their investments? Furthermore, the fees and contracts (potentially totaling up to $15 million a year) that Oberlin must pay for this investment essentially funnels money into Wall Street while accruing little in return. The use of alternative investment and implementation of austerity measures are the college’s desperate attempts to improve their poor bond rating (the school’s equivalent of a bad credit score).

By cutting back programs while using the endowment as collateral, the school can hike up its bond rating and continue to increase its non-taxable endowment fund.

A better option would be an Index fund, a more transparent method of investment that would provide stability and ensure a higher rate of return.

The Oberlin community has the power to demand accountability. Oberlin is a brand, and it thrives on its image as a liberal hub with happy students. We have a serious chance to unmask the institution as a money-hungry business that will

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By Jeanne Hill

cut as many programs as needed to increase its value. Spending our endowment on risky investments and implementing a harsh austerity program is negatively affecting our community—look no further than the state of labor on campus.

Anyone who was on campus before the pandemic hit remembers the college’s decision to fire 108 unionized dining and custodial staff as part of their move from Bon Appétit, our previous dining provider, to AVI. The decision to outsource to AVI for food service was part of this austerity program, as the move was estimated to save $2 million a year. AVI does not have a good track record with unionization and has been known to exploit workers; however, the demonstrations by workers and students pushed them to contact the UAW and to get a contract for Oberlin workers that started in February of 2021. AVI hired 43 workers who were willing to stay out of the previously fired 108. This was not the case for Scioto, the new custodial service, which did not retain previous staff and chose to remain non-unionized.

Despite their attempts to placate students and workers, AVI is certainly not worker friendly. Students, who are now employed through AVI instead of through the school, were required to work a minimum of 12 hours a week, or three shifts of 4 hours. This has now been changed to one shift a week thanks to a petition that was circulated by students. In addition, policies around breaks and missing work are harsh. Workers are required to call off two hours ahead of time if they are going to miss a shift, and even then they will receive a disciplinary notice. If they don’t call off, they are fired on the spot. Workers are also required to clock in and out for bathroom breaks, despite Ohio law mandating that breaks under 20 minutes be paid.

AVI has been grossly unprepared for this semester. With the combination of over-enrollment as well as staff shortages and supply chain issues, they have failed to adequately provide food for students. This is all something that Oberlin and AVI could have prepared for, yet made the conscious decision to not hire

more workers. Due to the staff shortages, and as part of a clause in AVI’s union contract, management has asked everyone to cover open shifts, and can force workers to cover those shifts even on their days off. Days off for our staff are no longer a right, but a luxury that can be taken from them at the drop of a hat. Workers have even reported being forced in for back to back shifts (after already working a 40 hour work week), essentially being forced to work 7 days in a row.

All of these problems with dining are directly connected to Oberlin’s austerity policies. Not only does it affect workers negatively as they are moved to working for contractors, but it also affects the experience of students as it impacts the quality and accessibility of the place that houses and feeds us. Day by day the college stands by as more trash piles up around campus, food gets harder to access, and all the while student and adult workers are forced to work beyond their capacity. Enough is enough, it’s time for us all to speak up and make our voices heard.

Late Nights on WOBC Teagan Hughes Staff Writer WOBC programming for the fall semester began on Monday, October 25th. WOBC programming runs during all hours of the day, dishing out something for every ear, mood, and idea of good taste into the wee hours of the morning. So if you find yourself getting ready for bed at 11:59 p.m, don’t go to sleep yet! Tune into WOBC after midnight to explore new genres, learn new things, take a drive, or just chill. (As always, these shows, along with WOBC’s entire catalogue, are recorded and available on WOBC’s website for 48 hours following their initial broadcast!)

Late nights on WOBC offer plenty of ways to explore, reconsider, and redefine genre. Maddie Zapor, also known as DJ Neon, hosts metaLGBT, a show dedicated to “genres of music that people typically view as ‘noise’ or ‘incomprehensible.’” “All of the music on this show is performed by LGBTQ+ artists, because I’m hoping to help bridge the gap between what’s seen as ‘ugly noise’ versus ‘deep and meaningful’!” says DJ Neon.

“I think that just because it’s loud and can be a bit crazy, it doesn’t mean that there’s not a story behind the lyrics, and I want to help express that!” metaLGBT runs on Saturdays at 12 a.m.

Immediately following metaLGBT is The Rusted Hammer, “a queer-hosted hour of grunge, rock and metal music ranging the mainstream and un, from the 90s through the 2010s!” Cecil Pulley hosts The Rusted Hammer on Saturdays at 1 a.m., and they say that they’re looking forward to getting to know more about the genres they’re working in: “I would still consider myself fairly new to the genre, so I’m looking forward to finding new artists and sharing them with my listeners!”

Also allowing for genre exploration is Molly Zucchet’s What is Groove?, a show that features “soulful tunes that highlight live instruments and expressive vocals created with modern, digital production techniques.”

The show, which runs on Fridays at 1 a.m., is “primarily Neo-Soul oriented, but anything that has good feel fits the bill.”

Preceding What is Groove? on Fridays is Max Blatter’s Japanese Garage, a show dedicated to

“collect[ing] different eras and subgenres of Japanese garage rock and indie rock of the past 50 years.” “I’m excited to be able to play music from a niche genre I’m really passionate about,” Blatter says, “and I appreciate that the late time slot allows me the freedom to play weird, out-there stuff.” Japanese Garage runs on Fridays at 12 a.m.

Lucas Ritchie-Shatz and Raghav Raj explore a new genre every week in their show Join the Dots (“named after a B-Side collection from The Cure”). In addition to playing music from that week’s chosen genre (post-bop jazz, Russian post-punk and early hip hop music are given as three possible examples), the two DJs explore the “sociopolitical and cultural origins” of each one. Join the Dots runs on Thursdays at 12 a.m.

Wednesdays at 1 a.m. will feature Ru Alonso’s Funky Fresh Beats for International Babes, a show that features international funk. “I first came up with the show when I found the band Paradis, a french duo whose album Recto Verso quickly became my new obsession,” says Alonso. “The french funk scene served as my jumping-off point and soon I had amassed playlists from all over; Italian, Canadian, and Arabian among others.”

WOBC also features a host of late-night talk shows, one of which is Ellen Efstathiou’s comic talk show An Idiot With Experts. On Tuesdays at 1 a.m., Efstathiou interviews people about “whatever they feel like they can talk about for an hour.” “I ask ridiculous questions, but in a way that tries to get an actually interesting answer,” says Efstathiou.

By Sam Merrick

Late nights on WOBC also allow for introspection and relaxation. Ursula Hudak, also known as She Bear, hosts Goodnight to the Late Night Overthinker on

By Molly Chapin

Sundays at 1 a.m. “I first came up with the show during a late-night drive through Oberlin this summer when I was feeling lonely and couldn’t sleep,” She Bear says. “I was thinking that I wished there was a show I could switch on that would pull me into a well-needed cry and soothe me after; then I realized I could make one myself.” Her twohour show is for “insomniacs, for all the people coming home from Saturday parties who need a quiet moment before bed, and for those who just need a cry and a kind word.”

Also providing a driving soundtrack is Greta Arbogast’s music to listen to while driving around in ohio, which runs on Tuesdays at 12 a.m. “I plan to use various genres of music, such as folk, alternative, rap, and R&B, to show listeners what Ohio feels like to me,” Arbogast says. Arbogast grew up in Ohio, and she says that her experience growing up here “makes me want to show more people the possibilities that Ohio has, and all of its unique offerings.”

Offering a late-night dose of nostalgia is Angsty 20teens, hosted on Mondays at 1 a.m. by Hazel Feldstein. “Angsty 20teens is an hour of classic ‘emo’ music from the 2010s,” Feldstein says. “MCR, Panic!, Fall Out Boy....All the hits from your middle school iPod.” Late nights on WOBC run the gamut from rock to metal to talk to folk to hip hop, and everything in between. What’s for sure is that every night’s programming allows listeners to explore new genres and enjoy old ones, maybe even learning something new along the way.

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Galen Tipton Talks Pop Accessibility, Accidental Virality, and Collaborative Magic Saffron Forsberg Arts and Culture Editor Galen Tipton makes pop music—well, sort of. Her music is somehow freshly experimental and distinctly referential, unpretentiously sincere, and engrossingly postmodern. Her already ample discography is a vast, thudding landscape of sticky choruses paired with obscure elements more recognizable in, say, noise music than danceable pop. The rules of genre aren’t really her thing. And she’s coming to the Oberlin ‘Sco this month. We talked on the phone about it.

SF: So what can Oberlin look out for as far as a show; what do you think that’ll look like?

GT: Well, a couple things. I’m going to be doing more of an experimental set first, and then I know I’m going to be doing more of a dance set later on. The more experimental…[set]...I’m still playing around with how I approach that side of my music in a live setting, so the plans I have for right now...it’s probably going to be along the lines of some free improvisation stuff.

SF: That’s very fitting for Oberlin. Definitely.

[We laugh] SF: So, for someone who doesn’t know, would you mind describing your identities as far as Galen but also recovery girl?

GT: Yeah! So the stuff I do under my given name, Galen, is kind of...I decided to use my own name as my artist name kind of early on. [And for] a couple differ-

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ent reasons: one, I couldn’t really decide on an “artist name,” I felt like I’d be changing it too much. And also, like, what I do extends outside of just doing music. I do a lot of art, too. Pretty much anything that I feel like is a way that I can express myself in a way that I enjoy I will do. And to do that all under my given name made the most sense to me. recovery girl is more along the lines of the more focused, pop aspect...I kind of look at it as... me restricting my impulses to throw everything but the kitchen sink at something, to really think “ok, what makes this the best pop track it can be?” rather than...like if you’re listening to any “Galen Tipton song” it can be anything from club music to sound collage, soSF: So recovery girl is kind of your pop girl side.

GT: Yeah, yeah.

SF: So, how does that kind of go into your mixtape, recovery girl & friends?

Many of Tipton’s recent tracks were released as collaborative work by both her given name, Galen Tipton, and her newer alias, recovery girl. Her music also features many other artists who belong to a similarly snappy, sugary crevice of the modern pop world—names like GFOTY, diana starshine, Lil Mariko, and Petal Supply.

GT: So it’s mostly, like….I had a song blow up on TikTok earlier in the year. And it was some stuff I released a while ago... cutesy, acoustic-type stuff. So it was me kind of consciously trying to emulate that on a pop track...and including my name on that just to be like “ok maybe there’s a slight chance that someone will see this and this will become another TikTok

thing”...very much a—I dunno if “cashgrab” is the right word, because it didn’t go anywhere. But, kind of...y’know maybe this could be a thing again. Because that was kind of nice. [Laughs] Me: So, do you feel like, as a musician, TikTok is a way for more people to find your work now, versus other kinds of social media?

GT: It’s honestly so random. The thing that blew up on TikTok of mine...I wasn’t on TikTok at the time, it wasn’t something I ever expected to blow up on there ever.

I was definitely on, like, the more experimental edge of my career. It was something that was totally random. Like, any experiment I’ve done to try to replicate that has fallen through...so in a sense... yes? But I’m not on TikTok very much at all. Because that blowing up transitioned into the most streams I’ve ever gotten on a song.

SF: Oh. Oh wow.

GT: -Which isn’t very much in the grand scheme of things. But it was a lot for me.

Which leads to bigger Spotify payouts, which was...like because of that TikTok blow-up it was like “wait I made that much money off that?”It was just like wow...I feel like if I got one viral TikTok song that was actually viral I could just live off that for the rest of my life. Like that type of feeling. [Laughs] Insane.

SF: So, your stuff is widely viewed as “hyperpop.” Is that label you sort of accept or maybe embrace?

GT: Yes and no. If it makes it helpful for people to find my work and find other people’s work like mine that they like, I’m totally all for it. But, while I’m making stuff I’m rarely thinking like “oh, I’m

making hyperpop.” Like a handful of times, I’ve been like “yeah, this is the fake hyperpop song I’m going to make to see if I can replicate [the one that blew up on TikTok]...but rarely when I’m making stuff that I’m really serious about am I thinking about that at all.

SF: How did you come to pop music?

Were you always into pop or did you do [other] stuff before?

GT: Um, I have not always been into pop.

So my musical experience has changed a lot over the past, like, close to two decades at this point. I used to be really into—just lived and breathed—heavy music. And then transitioned into really liking EDM and other stuff like that through college.

And when I seriously started making music, I wasn’t necessarily thinking of it as pop, but I still enjoyed...I don’t know...I wasn’t listening to stuff I really would’ve considered pop, but the act of something being catchy and sticky and memorable has always been something I’ve thought about. Transitioning into really making pop music has been like “ok, I’m going to focus on this top-down now. It has to be catchy and [with] a pop structure... accessible-ish, first. And then I can build up around that” rather than “I’m going to make this weird thing and then try to make it accessible as a secondary thing.”

If that makes sense.

SF: Yeah, that does. So, you were speaking a bit about music being accessible.

When did you really start thinking about that, versus that being more of an afterthought?

GT: I’ve always thought about accessibility...like a lot...in my music. Because there’s a lot of things that I really enjoy listening to that I understand are not something an average listener...or even

just many people around me...might like or listen to. The goal of some of my more experimental music has been to try to take all the stuff that I like about this “inaccessible music” and try to bridge it across for people who don’t.

So if there’s a really bizarre noise album that I like, how do I take that feeling that that gives me and package it in a way that someone who doesn’t listen to music can also have that feeling? And maybe that’s a bridge for them to seek out other stuff. And in focusing more on a pop sense, it’s been more of a challenge to force myself to see how I’d do in very traditional modes of accessibility.

Because I still have this other outlet to do pretty much whatever I want, but like having a more rigid set of rules for myself in some sense can be freeing. I can figure out ways to bend those rules.

SF: Do you think having popular tracks or being viral

speaks to that accessibility? Is it kind of like saying “this is accessible, and I can tell because it’s on TikTok”?

GT: I don’t know. I guess. Maybe? The general feedback about the song that was on TikTok was very positive, and it was something that I never intended to be on Tiktok or ever thought would be viewed by millions of people. So I guess it is more accessible than I thought it was. But it could have just been hitting at the right time. There were a bunch of viral videos of, um, people attaching pickup mics to mushrooms or whatever, and making weird synth sounds...so basically the song of mine that blew up had a really similar vibe to that at that time. It was kind of a “right place, right time” thing. So, yeah, maybe it is.

But I also know that...for example, older adults I know in my life, they think what I’m doing is really cool, but I know they don’t actively listen to it. It might be a lot for

them. Like I’ve been told by older people: “This is a bit too much..you should pare it down. It’s unlistenable.”

[Laughs] and I’m like “well, it’s not for you. So that’s fine.”

SF: Could you speak on your relationship, as a musician, to the internet? Like the constant, like, “this could be viral tomorrow”, “you’re stealing my sound”...that kind of culture?

GT: The thing is, there’s this idea about originality, of people trying to be completely original, and that’s just a total fallacy; not a lot of people come to that conclusion, because we’re always drawing inspiration from everywhere. Like you can be inspired by something, and make something with clear inspirations of that thing...and that’s not you stealing anything. And there are parts of the internet that fully embrace...a sort of “anything goes” culture, like everything is fully accessible, we should be able to do anything we want and make whatever we want. Which is mostly cool, but there are different social aspects to that that still need to be considered. The internet is a messy place. There are people who are fully for what you’re doing and really against what you’re doing, and you can come across those people within the same minute.

SF: And I think, regardless of if the label fits, kind of thinking about hyperpop: I think most people consider it to be “post-modern”, and maybe even snarky at former pop, rather than just being a collage of these references.

How do you think originality goes into making pop?

GT: Well, one thing I want to touch on with that...like the people that I know who are really serious about being hyperpop or modern pop or whatever...they’re not being snarky at older pop. They’re really, actually, inspired by that. Everyone I know or who I’ve worked with—even if they make silly, really strange music, they absolutely fucking adore pop music. Like Giant Claw, Orange Milk Records,...I’ll be hanging out and he’ll be showing me a new Ariana Grande record. Like he listens to more pop music than anyone that I know, and like genuinely really loves it. It’s coming from a place of genuine appreciation of the art form, which...there are definitely like some annoying-ass hyperpop kids who are just doing really dumb shit because they think its funny, but I think the stuff that really has been sticking is the stuff that is coming from that genuine place of just enjoying something.

SF: I feel like, listening to your music, there’re some really distinct fantastical environments that you create. I was wondering about the role that fantasy plays in your music.

GT: Honestly, a pretty big role. A lot of it comes down to a lot of media that I grew up on having more of a basis in fantasy, and that eliciting really strong emotional responses in me at the time. I don’t want to say it’s nostalgia, but a lot of that media was video games and movies...and [wondering:] how can worldbuilding come into a purely sonic state? It’s basically me trying to make something as immersive as possible with just sound. A lot of it is very specifically playing to my own interests, at least when it comes to the more experimental, fantastical elements...I’m making it for my own attention span. And a lot people look at fantasy as escapism, but I look at it more like—there are emotions, or feelings, or thoughts, that are sometimes really hard to ease through in your

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Galen Tipton continued head, but in experiencing a show, or a movie, or a song, those things can become more clear to you. You can work through things you didn’t even know you needed to work through. It’s not escapism. I think of it more as a heightened reality.

SF: Are there any specific influences you see in your recent work?

GT: My most recent full-length under my name...kind of came about–I had a lot of it worked out already, but I’d also recently watched [the 1982 film] The Dark Crystal for the first time. And like, that had immediately had a huge aesthetic and emotional impact on me. And suddenly that soundtrack and world became the vehicle through which I could put all this other stuff. I’m very attracted to things that are simultaneously dark in tone but also whimsical and maybe “made for kids”...I think there are some really complex, interesting emotions that can be pulled out of you by watching something like that...Like how can I recreate these strange, terrifying, whimsical feelings that I’m feeling right now through my music?

living, breathing thing to bring into the world that we couldn’t have done on our own. Online it can go either way. I, in general, enjoy the magic that comes with being in the same room with somebody. But, I live in rural Ohio...it’s not like a ton of options. I’m very grateful for the people that I do know that are close to me. But, a lot of times it boils down to working with people several countries away.

Tipton is based in Columbus. It’s something she laughs about as an artist so dedicated to creative community.

She fantasizes about a little town stocked with musicians to collaborate with—to sit in the same room with and cook up some of that collaborative magic.

Tipton is currently working on recovery girl’s first full-length EP. It’s taking her a long time, because recovery girl is a project of great specificity. We talked about Tipton’s process of mapping out the specific concepts and media inspirations involved in the recovery girl vision. Tipton says she enjoys looking at it like a “moodboard.”

GT: A lot of my moodboarding looks like very long Google Docs full of images and words and…”what if this artist, this artist, and this artist made a song together?” A lot of the work I really, really love is work made by large groups of people. And while that’s been some of my favorite work, I think it would be really interesting to try to make a project totally on my own...but like put myself in different positions. Like, well, “what if I was this artist that I like….what decisions would I make?” A lot of it is just me grabbing random things I see or hear or do and putting them in a folder, and the more I know what I want to do, gradually deleting things. And just wondering: where can I go from here? What does pushing myself look like right now?

SF: Going back to how collaborative you are, why do you think that it’s so attractive to collaborate with many people?

GT: So, the work that I’ve made in-person, with people in the same room….there’s a magical thing that happens when you’re on the same wavelength as someone else...

There’s just something so new and exciting that comes out of that. And... how I look at music and art and really any form of creative expression is like...all these ideas already exist, and we’re just becoming conduits to them.

And I’m trying to get out of my own way as much as possible to let the work happen. And when you do that with other people successfully, it’s like...this is truly its own

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similar wavelength together. I feel like we would get so much out of working together...or just like hanging out. I don’t know.

SF: Whenever I talk to an artist from or based in Ohio, I kind of want to ask about how living in a rural place might affect art-making...if it does.

GT: It absolutely does. I feel like not being based out of a “cultural hub city”...to even make the small amount of ripples that even I’ve made, you have to work a lot harder. There’s not those connections and there’s also not that interest, especially if you’re making stranger stuff. There’s an interest in an underground sense, but even that interest is not as big as in “cultural hub cities.”

I often think about like...if I lived in New York or LA like six years ago I feel like I’d be twice as successful with half the discography. In some sense it sucks, but it’s also like when you find those people who you really click with artistically, those connections become so much stronger. I am endlessly grateful that Orange Milk is based out of Ohio. And having been in and out of various DIY scenes and queer scenes and art scenes...all of those scenes are sort of small and feudal.

SF: How was [your first international show] in Germany? That sounds exciting.

GT: It was amazing and I want to go back.

[Laughs] The show that we played at—it was actually me and diana starshine—it was a queer festival [Acting in Concert festival or CTM] in this village, and granted, we were in a bubble so-to-speak, just like surrounded by really cool queer art people. Everyone was so kind and very much fucked with what we were doing. It was overall just a really validating experience.

SF: Ok, one more corny question. Do you have a dream collaborator—anybody?

SF: I’m curious about this little town. Who do you think would live in this little town with you?

GT: [Laughs] Uhhh 100% like Giant Claw...but we already live like ten minutes from each other. Seth Graham—who doesn’t live that far away. I really wish I lived closer to Holly Waxwing, who’s probably like my all-time favorite musician. I’m really happy that we’ve become actual friends throughout the years. Honestly, everyone on DESKPOP...I’ve been in the room with most of them like twice and it was just like...seeing an online community in person together was really cool. It was just like “Oh us being together in-person rather than online really isn’t all that different!” I really wish I lived closer to Space Candy...there’s an aspect of humor and fun in the music that I feel like me and Space Candy are on a very

GT: I mean, an honest answer that’s also kind of sad is that I would have loved to work with SOPHIE at some point. But, I know I’m not the only one in that. I think it’d be really fun—I don’t have a specific name—but how, like, Oneohtrix Point Never started working with The Weeknd...some sort of the equivalent of that but with me would be really silly. Like whoever that would be with me...one, that’d be a lot of fun, and two, just hilarious.

--Galen Tipton will be performing live at the Oberlin ‘Sco on Saturday, November 13th. She can be found on Instagram @genderlessgenderfulgirl. You can stream Galen Tipton and recovery girl on Bandcamp, Soundcloud, Spotify, and Apple Music.

False Negative & the Yuppiefication of John Waters Levi Dayan Editor-in-Chief As someone who has struggled— and continues to struggle with—understanding my queer identity as the face of queer culture shifted further towards the Buttigiegs and Andrew Sullivans of the world, and further away its radical roots, John Waters has long been an important figure for me. In his films, I saw a fullthroated rejection of the assimilationist tendencies that alienated me from the present-day queer community. The characters in his films were crude perverts and shameless bastards, surrounded by an even more disgusting and virtueless society that made said characters look like the sane and relatable ones, even as they literally ate dogshit off the ground. When watching his films, it sometimes feels as though Waters is envisioning the future world of Wells Fargo pride parade floats and giving in the finger. His films were crass, ugly, and often disturbing and violent, but they were also fun and colorful, balancing a whip-smart sense of humor and social commentary with a proclivity towards fart jokes in equal tow. And I also had a lot of respect for him as a spokesman of sorts for the city of Baltimore.

Making weekend trips to Baltimore from DC was a highlight of many dismal years in high school, and it was on these trips I’d hear stories about how Waters would get his mail from independent bookseller Atomic Books, or how he apparently met Divine at a bus stop and immediately wanted to put him in his movies. Baltimore itself could be seen as sort of a “fuck you” to the respectability politics of the post-50s polite society that Waters came up in, and the fact that Waters never left the city even after decades of Hairspray royalties, and continues to champion its creative community, has always struck a chord with me.

The first time I saw Waters speak was during an interview / Q&A he did at the Politics and Prose bookstore in DC, in promotion of his new book Mr.-Know-ItAll. It was pretty much everything you’d hope for, and Waters was endlessly sharp and funny. He talked about his bizarre journey from smut savant to beloved cultural icon, seeming as confused as anyone else would be by that sentence.

He talked about being recognized for random cameos on the street, particularly his Lonely Island collaboration “The

Creep”; Waters apparently didn’t know who they were when they asked to collaborate with him, and he recorded his part for the video while he was sick out of his mind from the flu. He shared crazy anecdotes from his filmmaking career and joked candidly about his drug use.

His stories of various acid trips prompted a question from a completely spaced out hoodie-wearing stoner bro, who asked him if his experiences with drugs went any further than LSD. When Waters asked him what specifically he was alluding to, he mumbled “you know, like, psilocybin, DMT.” He then mentioned the aforementioned Lonely Island anecdote, connecting it to something he heard from Mike Tyson about being recognized for a cameo in The Hangover. The questioner made Waters look confused and awkward, which is a tremendous feat. Beyond that, he bantered with the questioners, many of whom were from Baltimore themselves, talking about his coming-of-age experiences in the city and why he’s stuck around for so long. He made a joke about poppers that got a big laugh. He also talked about political correctness.

That last part necessitates an understanding of what Waters has been up to in the past couple of decades. Waters hasn’t made a film in nearly twenty years, and yet he arguably has a larger presence in pop culture than ever before.

As I mentioned before, he’s made cameos in everything from The Simpsons and Lonely Island videos to My Name is Earl, Law and Order SVU, and, of course, the blockbuster Hairspray remake, in which he cameoed as “the flasher that lives next door” in “Good Morning Baltimore.” As he was more than eager to mention during his monologue, he’s appeared in commercials for Nike and Yves Saint Laurent. And of course, he’s been doing public speaking, often in the form of some kind of one man show, for nearly twenty years. All of this speaks to the truly, and perhaps fittingly baffling career arc that Waters has experienced. The world has turned and left him in some strange places, and a man whose work could at points be described as cinematic terrorism against the notions of the 50s nuclear family became so accepted by the mainstream, seemingly overnight, that he could get invited to the White House. The Waters of the past twenty years reminds me of a trend that has become increasingly common in recent years, in which quirky old people ascend to a living meme status on the internet

By Amelia Connelly

and subsequently become wholesome beloved icons. More than anyone else, Waters today reminds me of people such as Jeff Goldblum and David Byrne, both of whom have achieved a similar status, and also, like Waters, seem to mostly be focused on ventures outside of what they are famous for.

Perhaps the greatest testament to this long, strange trip is the commencement speeches Waters has given to a number of universities. One of these speeches, given to the RISD class of 2015, went viral, and was later published in book form. The what-the-fuck factor of Waters giving a speech at a prestigious university is likely a large part of why the speech went viral, as is the case with a lot of what Waters has gotten attention for

in the past couple of decades. The speech is also a pitch-perfect document of what happens when a transgressive icon suddenly becomes lionized by mainstream society. The upshot is that it’s pretty fucking weird.

One of the more noticeable things about the RISD speech is how it pivots from sincere, often humorous pieces of advice to seemingly unrelated hot takes, often at the drop of a hat. Waters makes genuinely enlightening points encouraging his younger audience not to lionize the past and focus on forging a new future, but interspersed in the speech is a number of bafflingly out-of-touch takes. Following a cringe-inducing, deeply labored trigger warning joke, Waters states “Uh, don’t hate all rich people.

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John Waters continu

They’re not all awful. Believe me, I know some evil poor people, too. We need some rich people: Who else is going to back our movies or buy our art?” In a true Jewish fashion, I’d answer that question with another question: who the fuck cares? Shouldn’t we be making art for ourselves anyways? Not to mention, though some rich people choose to fund pretty radical art, there are other ways to pay for it. Even within capitalism, you could have a government program that funds the arts. Hell, America used to do it too, but then we stopped, in part because that money funded “pornographic” projects by Black queer filmmakers such as Marlon Riggs’s Tongues Untied. It would be great to hear Riggs answer the question of who’s going to back our movies or buy our art today, but along with nearly a whole generation of great queer artists, AIDS cut his career short. One would expect Waters to know about these things, but I digress.

These kinds of takes are what made False Negative somewhat of a slog to get through, in spite of Waters’ charisma. Waters’ monologue included a similarly baffling take: not only should we not defund the police, but we should give them more money, so that they can hire more Black cops, women cops, gay cops and the like. It’s insane hearing this from Waters, as one would think that a filmmaker who had his work interfered with by the law

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on multiple occasions would be able to understand that the cops aren’t actually very dedicated to fighting crimes.

But what’s worse is where Waters is coming from, in the literal sense. Baltimore has an infamously racist police department, one that stands out as excessively racist within a country that has no shortage of racist police departments. Of course, there’s an age-old saying that the more money you give something, the more Black and gay it becomes.

Getting angry about these statements feels somewhat reductive. Having read the RISD speech before, and having seen John Waters speak in person before, I knew what to respect. Of course if John Waters was coming to Oberlin, a college with a reputation as ground zero for the woke gestapo, he was going to have these kinds of polemics somewhere in the back of his mind. And just as he knew his audience wouldn’t love everything he had to say, I knew I wouldn’t love everything he had to say either. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that the police are completely beyond reform, but I’m not delusional: I know my opinions aren’t shared by everyone, and I’m not gonna shut anyone down for being pro-police without at least arguing about it first.

But what makes these statements more difficult to grapple with is that they aren’t solely intended to shock:

they reflect someone who genuinely and sincerely values the opinions of younger people, in a way deeper than the worn-out “the children will save us” take, though some of his statements had that air to it. In fact, said sincerity defines Waters’s art every bit as much Divine eating dogshit, and even at their absolute trashiest, his films are never truly unsympathetic to his characters. In this sense, Waters couldn’t be further removed from the profoundly banal irony-poisoned garbage found on Red Scare and the like.

So, with that sincerity in mind, I’ll take Waters’s urging for college students to embrace being challenged to heart, and give him my sincerest, most honest response: False Negative sucked. And it came dangerously, dangerously close to commiting the gravest crime that a John Waters performance could commit, which is being boring. The takes that Waters smarmingly prefaced as ones that would get him in trouble, such as the one about defunding the police, are in actuality indistinguishable from Joe Biden’s position on “police reform.” His monologues included a joke about renaming President’s Day “Obama Day,” a line that would have been rejected for Bradley Whitford’s character in Get Out for being too on the nose. In short: hardly transgressive stuff. Talking about the progress made by Black Lives Matter, he joked that “the Oscars are so diverse now we don’t need BAFTA.” That last joke made absolutely no fucking sense to me until a friend pointed out that he probably meant the BET Awards, a blunder that nonetheless does an excellent job of showing the level of transgressiveness we’re really dealing with here.

Beyond the bad takes—which Waters fortunately got out of the way early - there were also anecdotes about the aforementioned commercials, Waters’s interest in art collecting, and philanthropy, all of which, once again, begs the eternal question: who the fuck cares? It’s less that I only want to hear Waters talk about his movies (though that was definitely when the night felt the least like a slog) and more that I don’t want to hear anyone talk about their boring rich people hobbies, let along John Fucking Waters. But if there’s one thing that False Negative succeeded in doing - and, for that matter, his RISD speech as well—is putting forth an honest depiction of the particular condition of being a transgressor who inexplicably becomes accepted by the mainstream.

When you’ve been that successful in poisoning so many minds through your films (and also have stopped making said films) what are you supposed to do? Waters’s answer has been to embrace said acceptance, stating in

ued the RISD speech: These days, everybody wants to be an outsider, politically correct to a fault. That’s good. I hope you are working to end racism, sexism, ageism, fatism. But is that enough? Isn’t being an outsider sooo 2014? I mean, maybe it’s time to throw caution to the wind, really shake things up, and reinvent yourself as a new version of your most dreaded enemy – the insider. Like I am.

However, the great irony of this statement is that, while Waters claims that being an outsider is “sooo 2014,” the RISD speech for me is nailed to the time and place that it was given with an iron hammer. That time and place is the summer of 2015, when Donald Trump took a fated trip down the escalator, and when the signs of what would come next were everywhere in hindsight but completely ignored. The aloofness with which Waters addressed what would later become defining political issues is tied to this weird, brief window in time just as much as Space Jam is tied to the mid 90s. But six years down the road, his politics still seem to reflect the kind of misconceptions of a post-racial society that left so many white liberals caught off guard by Trump’s election. That complacency applied to how Waters approached other marginalized groups as well. His jokes about trans people went into deeply uncomfortable depth on reassignment surgery without ever landing on a punchline beyond, well, “the surgery.” Once again, getting “offended” feels like taking the bait in some ways.

Waters has, of course, long worked with trans actors who, in the time in which he made many of his classic films, would not have found any work elsewhere - let alone a space in which they had that level of freedom of expression. That being said, his jokes felt less like poking fun at people he shared a sense of kinship with (not that, in this context, that wouldn’t also be uncomfortable) and more like they were coming from a sense of arrogance; “I’ve done enough for these people, what the fuck are you gonna do about it.”

But in turn, the great irony of False Negative, and perhaps the entire conundrum of post-2006 John Waters, is that Waters, who clearly sees much of the purpose in life residing in being as open and connected with people as possible, has also allowed his celebrity to separate himself from reality. After all, while he talks about how overly sensitive some college students are, he keeps speaking at colleges, and college students still come out, because they still respect his work even as the times have changed. Many of them may even agree with him! “The internet isn’t real life,” or some variation of that statement, is often thrown at people whose views on race, pronouns, or anything really deviate from the conventional boomer / yuppie wisdom. Yet, many of Waters’s statements, like implying in the RISD speech that heterosexual kids receive more prejudice in art schools that gay ones, could only be made by someone that spends way too much time online. Still, Waters continues to see society through a lens in which the most emotional people on the left are calling the shots, thus making his milquetoast liberalism feel radical. ` In conclusion, something I alluded to earlier in this article from the first time I saw Waters speak

was that, during the Q&A, a 20 or 30 something white woman asked him his opinions on political correctness.

I don’t remember the exact question, but I remember it was critical of political correctness in a way that made me think she already knew what Waters’ answer would be. Waters answered by talking about how notions of decency and offensiveness were, in his time, used against gay people such as himself. This is a fair point that does reflect a level of nuance that can sometimes be missed in these discussions, but it’s also a misguided one. When Waters was coming of age, gay people were not shut down and barred from expressing themselves by col-

lege students, or whoever the equivalent of SJWs would be for the 60s and the 70s; they were shut down by the cops. But still, the audience at Politics and Prose—largely white, presumably pretty well-off, definitely pretty liberal—cheered for him. If this crowd were just ever so slightly younger, further to the left, and less of an embodiment of DC yuppiedom, they wouldn’t be too far off from the audience at False Negative. But in DC, the man whose films once raged against everything that would define 80s yuppiedom spoke to a crowd of yuppies, and they full-heartedly embraced him. Perhaps he’s even one of us.

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Obercrowded:

An Extra 300, Not Without Consequence Fiona Farrell Staff Writer Whether you’re one of the first-years who now make up a third of this campus (welcome, all ye born after 2003) or are a bitter old third/fourth/fifth/ year like me, you’ve probably noticed that Oberlin is a bit...crowded this semester. If you are one of the aforementioned first-years and this is your first semester here — trust me, it wasn’t always like this. There was a sublime period of history, c.

August 2021, where one could walk the idyllic streets of our little town without ever seeing a single friend. There you go. Something to dream about.

But now, it seems we have swung back into full action — in fact, fuller than full. And it was quite an aggressive swing (insert baseball analogy here). For the first time since March 2019, our campus is a-buzz. Not only have we reached our pre-pandemic numbers, but we have far surpassed them. In years past, Oberlin’s total undergraduate enrollment has averaged at around 2,700 students, relatively evenly distributed between the classes (not counting fifth-years). That totals at around 600-650 students per class (again, not counting fifth years). The incoming class of 2025 is just short of 900 students. For these near-300 extra freshies, we have somehow found the room. But that’s not to say that headquarters haven’t been tight. Or that it’s been entirely smooth sailing along the way.

First and foremost, there are the glaring issues —the ones that impact our day-to-day experiences in this institutional orbit. Say housing for example. From an outsider’s perspective, it appears that more housing requests were unmet than met this semester. I say this as no jab at ResEd, who worked hard to accommodate as many as they could. But still, housing “decisions” were given to students at an egregiously late time, leaving many with only a couple of weeks to scramble to have their accom-

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By Molly Chapin

modations met. I cannot recall the number of Facebook posts I saw — on, for example, the Oberlin Barter and Trade page, where people typically search for kettles and ironing boards — of people begging to trade rooms, usually with a caption along the lines of “ResEd is not accommodating.” And while some can live with their unfortunate housing decisions, others cannot. Among those who got “screwed” include many with disabilities or other special needs, whose many appeals (and emails) were left unresponded to.

Furthermore, despite all of our strenuous efforts, it seems that not quite everyone could, well...fit. Our hearts go out to all of the students currently living at the Hotel.

What happens if you accidentally leave a thumb tack on the wall? Can you charge things to the room — or, er, ...your dorm?

Oberlin’s shortage just does not just pertain to space.

While that is a critical aspect of it, there are other more important cultural aspects of overcrowding that it is imperative we not overlook. Recently, a petition started circulating on social media that listed several complaints about AVI Foodsystems and the Oberlin administration; namely that students are being forced to wait on ridiculously long lines to acquire meals, that there is a general food shortage, and that there is a disproportionality between meal swipes and serving sizes. The first

two complaints are certainly another example of how the overcrowding situation has impacted students’ daily lives. We now have to devote sizable chunks of our day to idling on lines. We are not sure if “dropping by” DeCafe will meet us with adequate results for our lunchtime needs. These issues are tedious, and, in the long run, no less than troubling.

But another far more pressing issue that the petition mentions relates to workers. AVI employs the same number of workers as it did during the summer (when there were, like 2 of us). Even a return to a “normal” campus population would place an immense burden on these workers. With the inflated number of students, so too does the burden become inflated. We are overcrowded and understaffed, and this creates nothing but a culture of exploitativeness and toxicity. It is not fair that the employees of the college should have to suffer at its whims. If this is where we are now, unless something is changed, what could it mean for the future?

At the end of the day, it really is all about the money.

Even before the pandemic, Oberlin was pretty deep in the hole. There was a massive structural budget deficit leaving the College to sweep more off the top of the endowment than they’d care to admit. The pandemic did nothing but exacerbate these pre-existing financial issues, leading the College to draw 8% from the endowment in 2020 (in a normal year it’s no more than 4.5%).

Colleges are collapsing everywhere. It’s our duty to understand and sympathize with that. However, if anything, Oberlin owes us a certain level of transparency about the inconveniences we suddenly find ourselves facing. Let’s not assume that the overhaul is simply a part of “returning back to normal” — it’s not. Things weren’t like this before. The College shouldn’t act like they were.

Instead, it should accept and be ready to tackle head-on the array of issues it has now created. They might be a bit less dire than the financial ones. But, for the large majority of us — students, workers, and the community alike — that makes them that much harder to ignore.

“Bridging the Gap” Winter Term Project Reflects Complete Ignorance of the Ongoing Occupation of Palestine Levi Dayan Editor-in-Chief

With Oberlin’s return to a normal semester plan has come the return of the Winter Term program, a typical staple of the Oberlin experience that was disrupted last year by the trimester plan. While Winter Term can take the form of pretty much any short-term project, the college also offers a number of programs for students to pursue. Given that it’s been two whole years since the last Winter Term, one would think that the college would have had ample time to put forth the best programs they can offer to students, many of whom were denied the chance to pursue internships due to the trimester program. Instead, they have offered us the “Bridging the Gap” program, which is such a tone deaf, cliche-addled piece of dreck that it is practically a mockery of itself.

According to the Winter Term catalogue, the project “encourages participants to take on the challenge of engaging the deep divides that plague American democracy by thinking deeply about Israel, a nation that is

both important and divisive in U.S. political and campus discourse.” After an initial on-campus period focused on “dialogue and community-organizing skills,” students will make a week-long trip to Israel to meet with “diverse stakeholders.” The trip “will allow students to practice the skills they developed on campus and experience the complexity of issues facing Israeli democratic society that Art by Ella Causer

are too often deeply simplified in U.S. analysis, including the Occupation.” And to top it all off, this enlightening experience comes at the killer bargain of 45 hundred dollars.

It’s hard to know where to begin with this program, but a good place to start is the language.

Whatever the fuck “diverse stakeholders” means, that term is clearly doing a lot of heavylifting in justifying the program. Do these “stakeholders” include people who are living in Gaza? Will they include people who have been, or are at risk, of being illegally evicted from their homes in the West Bank? Or people who are unable to move freely within the Israeli nation-state? Have any of these stakeholders lost family members in the most recent carpet bombing of the Gaza strip? Were any of them unable to obtain a COVID vaccine while the rest of Israel was swiftly vaccinated? Considering that the state of Israel has complete control over who can enter the West Bank, Gaza, and Jerusalem, and that prospective tourists, particularly brown people, are heavily vetted and denied entry if they are found to be critical of Israel, and denied most permits to travel to Israel even if they aren’t particularly political, it’s fair to assume the answer is no. But even if this hypothetical, idealized scenario in which participating in the program can hear actual testimony from those most directly affected by the ongoing occupation of Palestine, there are still more questions raised. What does it mean to hear “the other side” of discourse surrounding the conflict when one side can travel freely around Israel with hardly any questions asked, even if they are born as far away as Seattle, while the other side, born within a short radius of the Israeli nation-state, faces constant surveillance and interrogation if they are lucky enough to even be allowed to visit their families?

Equally baffling is the objective of this program. If taken at face value, the program seeks to find new ways to “strengthen democracy and achieve social

justice,” which sounds perfectly nice outside of context.

But of all countries to explore these questions of how to build a functional democracy, the college chose one where there was never a democracy to build from in the first place. In fact, Israel — often referred to as “the only democracy in the middle east” by people who are willfully ignorant of the history of the region — may be one of the only Western powers with an even less functional democracy than the U.S. After decades of endless wars justified under the umbrella of “spreading democracy,” it’s fair to say that the word democracy has been twisted to the point. But there is no feasible definition of democracy that can account for a nation in which nearly five million people have absolutely zero say over the direction of a state that determines nearly every aspect of their lives, while the rest of the country can continually vote for politicians who opine about the destruction of Palestinian livelihoods.

The program description states “the goal of this program is not to minimize genuine political differences among participants or between different perspectives,” but paradoxically, that very sentence completely minimizes the viewpoints of Palestinians. It is an indisputable fact that the modern nation state of Israel does not, nor cannot exist without the mass expulsion of 700,000 Palestinians, the elimination of vast numbers of Palestinian villages, and the full-scale erasure of Palestinian society.

A Palestinian who believes that the events of the Nakba created negative conditions for the Palestinian people is substantively no different from an Indigenous American who believes that the U.S. forced migration and adoption policies created harmful conditions for Indigenous people, or an Asian American who believes that World War II-era internment policies created negative conditions for the Asian American people, or a Black American who believes that insitutional racism exists. There is no clear definition for “political differences,” but the “viewpoints” I’ve outlined are simply acknowledgments of history and affirmations of said people’s right to exist and live in peace, not expressions of political ideology. Discourse surrounding the conflict does not present any seperation of the two, but the “Bridging the Gap” program does not even try.

Beneath this ignorant disregard of Palestinian lives, the program also makes a condescending, blanketed generalization of discourse surrounding the conflict.

On Oberlin, and also on campuses across the nation, Jews have a large presence in pro-Palestine groups, such as Oberlin JVP (which I was involved with my second year) and SFP. And yet, even on supposedly more sympathetic campuses such as Oberlin, pro-Palestinian activists are constantly essentialized as being part of a singular mob. To the extent that support of Palestine is framed as even reflecting the individual beliefs of Jewish students at all, they are beliefs cultivated not through continual discussion with fellow Jews as well as Palestinians, but merely an effort made in conceit to gain social clout, a result of mindlessly believing anything read on the internet, or a position take out of fear of being ostracized.

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The NBA Turns 75 Wyatt Camery Features Editor Since this year marks the 75th NBA Season, we here at The Grape collectively decided it best to have not one, but two (and perhaps more to come!), articles in the first two issues to celebrate this historic milestone. The 2021-22 season is an exciting one for myriad reasons, from the league’s aforementioned diamond jubilee (I know this is 60 years, but can also be used for an institution’s 75th year) to the first full 82-game season since before the pandemic to a more confident, offensivelybolstered Knicks team.

Although we’re only a handful of games in, let’s take a survey of the winners and losers so far. As of writing, the only undefeated team (after only 4 games) is the Utah Jazz, who sit atop the Power Rankings for the week of 10/25. The Golden State Warriors follow in 2nd, with the Chicago Bulls, Miami Heat, Charlotte Hornets, in that order, filling out the top five. The Knicks, who are leading the league in three-point shooting, are ranked at six; last season’s Champion team, the Milwaukee Bucks, are 9th, while last season’s Western Conference Champs, the Phoenix Suns, are 24th (out of 30); our hometown heroes, the Cavs, are 11th; the Brooklyn Nets are 18th and the Los Angeles Lakers are 20th, both teams with losing records. Remember, this is all such a small sample size, just over a week into the first full season since before the Covid-19 pandemic. The NBA has been lauded for their efforts to reduce the spread of Covid. In fact, thanks to the success of the NBA’s Covid prevention

“Bridging the Gap” continued This is obviously complete horseshit. For one, Oberlin’s student population may be far further to the left, especially on issues relating to Palestine, than the rest of the country, but it is by no means a monolith.

I know just as many people involved in J Street and Hillel as in leftist groups such as JVP and SFP. Furthermore, in my experience with JVP, group members were constantly communicating with people involved in these groups. And yet, far too often people who we work to engage with in spite of our disagreements continue to push these false narratives. Less than a couple of years ago, people active in Jewish life on campus wrote an op-ed for The Algemeiner - a right-wing newspaper that claims to speak for the Jewish people despite repeatedly championing open antisemites such as Rupert Murdoch and the hero of American Nazism himself Donald Trump - that implied members of student groups were stifling debate surrounding Israel. The reality is that many proPalestine students on campus come to their conclusions because those debates are omnipresent in their individual Jewish experiences, both at home and on campus. My point in citing all of this is that it is these conversations and arguments with Jewish friends and family alike that have shaped my belief in Palestinian freedom and self-

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determination, and have likely done the same for many other Jews on campus.

But if these narratives are frustrating for Jews such as myself, whose identities are often tied in with a settler-colonial state supported by racist imperial powers that is fundamentally at odds with our spiritual identity, they are nothing compared to the dehumanization that Palestinians experience every day. While the reaction to the pogroms that swept Sheikh Jarrah and the subsequent carpet bombing of the Gaza Strip earlier this year represented a hugely significant shift in the discussion surrounding the occupation, institutional support for the occupation is practically unshaken. Israel is still governed by unrepentant xenophobes, continues to support illegal settlements in the West Bank and enforce a blockade of the Gaza strip that the UN predicted would create unlivable conditions as soon as last year, and both major political parties in the U.S. continue to unconditionally support these practices. The bombing campaign that left 256 people killed, thousands wounded, and additional displacement of 72,000 illustrated the absurd imbalance of power that has always been at the center of the conflict, and the emboldening Israel has received since then has merely been the icing on the cake. But

even as discourse surrounding the conflict shifts, Oberlin continues to betray its image of standing for progress and supporting the oppressed, just as it did during the divestment campaign against apartheid South Africa in the 80s.

The fundamental truth is that, if the “Bridging the Gap” program truly seeks to encourage respectful dialogue and a greater understanding of the conflict, it is already doomed for failure. The language used in the description of the program would be questionable even if the program was entirely on-campus. But how are students supposed to get an understanding of “the complexity of issues facing Israeli democratic society” when said “democratic” society won’t even allow students to witness the conditions Palestinians are forced to live in?

As it stands, “Bridging the Gap” only offers meaningless platitudes and revisionist both-sidesism, and does not show any promise to offer insight into the conflict. The program is an embarrassment to Oberlin as an institution and a tremendous waste of time and resources during a time in which students are struggling more than ever.

NBA continued measures, scientists, led by researchers at the Yale School of Public Health and the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, are using data from the 20202021 season to better understand how Covid variants spread. Their research is being used to figure out how to safely reopen schools and other institutions that operate indoors (such as sports leagues) across the country. The study shows that while the delta variant is more transmissible than other variants, it does not generate a higher viral load. They also learned that, while vaccinated and unvaccinated people had similar peak infection counts, vaccinated people clear the virus from their bodies more quickly than those who are unvaccinated. The results of these studies have benefited public health in the US, and we have the NBA, the NBPA (National Basketball Players Association), and their quick and smart Covid response, to thank.

Indeed, the league and players are now reaping the benefits of a pandemic-response well done; arenas are packed with excited fans ready to cheer on their favorite teams. In recent years, however, fans’ behavior has become reckless and dangerous, from racist taunts directed at Russell Westbrook, a water bottle hurled at Kyrie Irving’s head, and Trae Young being spit on by a Knicks fan who I do not claim, just to name a few incidents. The last two occurred in last season’s Playoffs, when fans were first welcomed back into arenas. As a result, the NBA is doubling down on their Fan Code of Conduct, which now includes a rule requiring “[compliance] with Covid-19 health and safety protocols,” a rule that I suppose is so brief and vague because those protocols vary by state. On October 22, in a game against the Suns, Rajon Rondo of the Lakers pointed a finger gun at a fan sitting courtside who he requested to be ejected. In other drama, Kyrie Irving remains unvaccinated and has not been allowed to suit up for the Nets. I don’t want to belabor the issue which I’ve already written an entire piece on it, but as I suggested in that piece, and as a Deadspin article on Irving and comedian Dave Chapelle more assertively argued, that Irving (and Chapelle), in being so steadfast in their controversial opinions, are being used as pawns by those who wouldn’t support other issues they care about, namely movements such as Black Lives Matter. I pretty much agree with this article completely, although, I also feel that this sidetaking rhetoric has to potential to fall victim to an all-too divisive political ideology, but I will not venture into politically murky waters in this article, just reiterate that Irving’s stance is dangerous and as a Yahoo Sports article very astutely pointed out, eerily similar to that of Donald Trump’s reckless leadership on January 6. Look, maybe Irving is just upset he didn’t make the NBA’s 75th Anniversary Team, a 76 (there was a tie in the voting) person list of the greatest players of all time, voted on by a blue-ribbon committee of media, players, and NBA executives. Eleven active players made the roster, but Irving did not make the cut, and I can’t help but wonder if it is because of the controversy that surrounds him. Other 75-related celebrations include a November 1 matchup between the Knicks and Toronto Raptors, which marks the 75th anniversary of the first regular season game in league history between the Knicks and Toronto Huskies in 1946. A week in December will feature three games between the only three franchises to play in every NBA season, the Knicks, Warriors (who originated in Philadelphia), and Boston Celtics. Finally, the Lakers will take on the Atlanta Hawks on January 7 to commemorate 50 years since LA defeated Atlanta to secure their 33rd straight victory in 1972, which remains the longest winning streak in NBA history.

Looking forward, it seems that the 3-point era of the NBA continues, with only more and more focus on shots from beyond the arc. The NBA implemented a new rule cracking down on shooters who, in an attempt to be awarded free throws, oversell shooting fouls. Now, “marginal” contact will not result in a foul call, while overexaggerated foul drawing will result in an offensive foul. While the language of rules and their implementation is subject to moment-of decisions and interpretations by referees, that is a severe reversal of what was becoming an ever popular shooting strategy. I’m in no position to make any predictions about the coming NBA season, let alone the future of the NBA and its playing styles. I’m here to say that I am excited about the young crop of burgeoning stars, the veterans cementing their legacies, and the potential for the Knicks to make back to back playoffs for the first time since the 2012-’14 seasons.

By Eva Sturm-Gross

Album Review Blue Banister by Lana Del Rey Emma Kang Staff Writer Lana Del Rey is excellent at wallowing. She’s good at capturing a wrong feeling and making you understand something you haven’t experienced. On my way back from the certainly controversial John Waters show, I walked by a spilled Oreo McFlurry that smelled sickly sweet melting on the ground of a gross parking lot, and I thought to myself, “That is exactly what Lana is talking about.”

The album is soft, with songs flowing into each other tied together by Lana’s deep melodic voice. She stays on brand, singing about how much she wants a boyfriend, someone to eat ice cream with, the tragedy of love and life itself. For the most part, the album is confessional and tragic, similar to her past works. She pours out her heart, looking to be understood by the world through her art. The album is subtle, for the most part. She sings along slow piano, guitar, and synths mimicking organs which allows her voice to be the most powerful and devastating part of each song.

Although I think a lot of Lana’s work sounds similar, it feels incredibly different from her early albums that

sound younger and brasher. When I was listening to the entire thing all the way through, it changed the way I was viewing the world and myself for hours after.

I think she captured and translated her emotions into Blue Banisters incredibly well. Between her screaming about how she doesn’t want to live and her crooning about a longing for the present moment, the album is captivating and emotive.

Something I don’t know a lot about is Lana’s sense of humor. I have no idea if she’s funny, but some of this album is.

“You name your babe Lilac Heaven After your iPhone 11 ‘Crypto forever’ screams your stupid boyfriend Fuck you, Kevin” I think she understands the humor she is putting out with some of her lines, but it feels almost unintentional.

She’s funny, but I don’t think she’s ironic.

But unlike John Waters, I don’t think she’s missing a mark. She isn’t reaching into unattainable territory trying to convince her audience she’s something she’s not, which is partially due to the fact that she dropped the Lolita thing a little bit ago. She knows what she’s good at and has produced a lot of work within her means.

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ALEC BALDWIN KILLED SOMEONE????

Anna Holshouser-Belden Staff Writer You know him as Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock. You know him from fakedebating Kate McKinnon once a month on SNL. You may even know him from the Boss Baby franchise, and several other ill-thought-out schemes included but not limited to the biggest and only Words With Friends-related scandal, infamously calling his eleven-year-old daughter a “rude, thoughtless little pig,” naming said daughter “Ireland,” having a fake hispanic wife….that’s right, we’re talking Alec Baldwin. Last week, America lost a beloved public figure, probably the most famous “asshole” character actor who’s real life actions often eerily mirror those of whom he plays. Was it a case of method acting gone too far? Coldblooded slaughter? Absent-minded prop guy? A publicity stunt? We all thought we would be hearing much less of Alec Baldwin now that Donald Trump is out of office and his main source of material is no longer relevant, but he has really outdone himself this time, going above and beyond sex scandal, blatant misogyny and racism, aggravated assault and a handful of divorces, being one of those vegans who’s more into animal rights than human ones; for those who have found themselves lost up to this point I’ll spell it out: ALEC BALDWIN KILLED SOMEONE!!!!!

A quick play-by-play: On Friday, October 22, 2021, Alec Baldwin was in the process of filming for writer/director Joel Souza’s newest project, a film called Rust that follows the narrative of a thirteen-year-old boy and his long-lost grandfather (played by Baldwin) in 1880s Kansas in which the grandfather is on the run; sentenced to hang for an accidental killing. In a darkly ironic swoop of fate (on the day of a camera crew walkout to protest unsafe working conditions on set) while rehearsing a scene in which Baldwin has to dramatically shoot at the camera, the antique gun being used for the scene was fully loaded, unbeknownst to the cast and crew, who thought the weapon to be “cold.” Baldwin fired the gun as he would in the scene, directly toward the camera, hitting cinematographer Halyna Hutchins and writer/director Joel Souza. Hutchins was pronounced dead immediately after being rushed to the hospital, with Souza left wounded.

I’ve found the most common

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By Eva Sturm-Gross

reaction to the question “Did you hear that Alec Baldwin killed someone?” to be a sort of shocked laughter. If you’re like me, my first thought when hearing the headlines last Thursday was something along the lines of “You must be joking, I have to tweet about this ASAP.” If you take a good long think about the cycle of Alec Baldwin’s life since his emergence into the celebrity spotlight, manslaughter is really the cherry on top of a series of odd and seemingly random scandals. At least at the surface level. When you start to think further about the situation, it starts to get sadder and sadder; a woman with a full life, a rising and successful cinematographer, has been reduced postmortem to two short paragraphs on Alec Baldwin’s Wikipedia page (which mention her name only twice), gaining less space on said Wikipedia page as the “Words With Friends Runway Incident”

of 2011, in which, refusing to go into “airplane mode” and cut off a game of Words With Friends mid-takeoff, Baldwin was escorted off the flight by security. Though we cannot judge the public reaction solely off of what made it onto Alec Baldwin’s Wikipedia page, it isn’t hard to deny that, in the grand scheme of things, Alec Baldwin will end up with more sympathy than this woman’s family, friends, memory, etc. This could very well be laughed off as another silly celeb stunt, something to squint at on the cover of People while you’re in a long line at a CVS, or a short interest brought about by the “trending” page on twitter. As a second year prospective art history major, I’m no expert on law, and I have luckily avoided any close connection to accidental shootings thus far in life, but the comic and laughable aspect that is the immediate reaction of many hearing about this tragic event is an

unfortunate side effect of celebrity gossip culture.

Ultimately, we’re so used to having celebrity hanging over us as an ever-present figure, a kind of American monarchy surrounding Hollywood and the need to know what these people are doing all the time…With internet access this has become much more extreme (snapchat has news wtf, twitter, tik toks) and it’s easy to satirize things celebrities do without a clear barrier between what’s serious and what’s not. Alec Baldwin being a straight white man puts another layer between him and those observing his actions, he can get away with things on the pretense of being a well-known asshole, that’s just what he does, how he is. But when celebrity gossip starts to surround murder and death, how will we tackle this through our desensitized lens of feeding off of celebrity actions?

Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly Teach People How to Do Things

by Miss PIt Farts In light of the recent interview with the world’s new favorite couple (Machine Gun “Blonde Angel Baby” Kelly and Megan “Has a Nietzsche Tattoo” Fox) that absolutely broke the internet with its “‘You smell like weed’--’I am weed’”, our resident horny detective here at Grape Bad Habits was sent out to track down those two lovebirds for an exclusive lesson in how to best utilize your household objects!

HOW TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB How many Machine Gun Kellys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The answer to this question is something we’ll never know for sure, since Machine Gun does not in fact keep conventional “light bulbs” in his home office/studio/workspace/bro cave. He says they “distract from the mood of his work,” and because he’s “more of a lava lamp kind of guy.”

However, he was able to collaborate with Megan on this How-To which will hopefully clear up any questions one could have about the subtle art of screwing in lightbulbs….

1. Tip from Machine Gun: Make sure your power source is on so that you get a gnarly little shock when you touch the socket!

2. Megan advises buying light bulbs in colors that you feel best match the current cycle of the moon.

3. Use the old bulb to make some tumblr ass drinks!

4. Screw that baby into the socket after drinking a few of said drinks to make it more of a challenge to get all the grooves to line up right.

5. Just use the light of the love in your hearts to see the way. Light bulbs are a western construct.

HOW TO RUN THE DISHWASHER To bring out the best qualities of their shared Taurus astrological sign, Machine Gun and Megan Fox use a dish detergent infused with lavender to try to calm their “restless spirits.” Since Megan’s favorite place is “anywhere that’s been around a while, like trees,” she buys an all-organic dish detergent for her carbon-neutral dishwasher because, guys, she cares. The couple always adds a teeny tiny drop of Megan’s blood from the vial that Machine Gun keeps around his neck so that they can feel more connected physically as well as emotionally. Sometimes they even throw a crystal in there for good measure. But how do they get this mixture running?? Find out more below….

holds the dustpan thingy. They’re so in sync physically that they could sweep the floor with their eyes closed, and tongues down each other’s throat. He always knows just where to bring the dustpan and she always knows just where to put the little dust particles…. Ugh they’re so perfect we can’t even!

1. Grab your favorite all natural dish soap and drizzle an entire bottle over the dishes.

2. Drink a few drops of your gf’s blood and then spit em in there 3. Press start and get back to the studio to make beats HOW TO SWEEP THE FLOOR As “twin flames,” there isn’t much that Megan and Machine Gun don’t do together. She’s his other half, he’s her best friend, they’re really a modern day Romeo and Juliet. So naturally, they always sweep the floor together. Over the course of their year and a half long relationship, they’ve worked to create a system… Megan sweeps, and Machine Gun

By Olive Polken

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MF/MGK continued 1. Be one with the broom/dustpan 2. Don’t sweep alone!

3. Machine Gun and Megan actually couldn’t finish this list because they were too busy having “the kind of sex that would make Lucifer clutch his pearls.”

HOW TO UNWIND As Nietzche always said, “Dance like nobody’s watching.” That spoke to Megan sooo much that she got it tatted. It’s also a mantra that the couple lives by, and one of their favorite hobbies when they

have days off (for Megan from being a hot milf and a cult queer icon, for Machine Gun from time in the stu’ making music that’s somehow really popular even though no one’s ever heard it) is to go on a shrooms trip in the woods and dance to Machine Gun’s “Bloody Valentine” and the soundtrack of Jennifer’s Body. Another thing the couple loves to do is to just breathe in each other’s mouths and exchange souls while watching chick flicks. Here are their top 5 relaxation tips: 1. Don’t just “smoke” the weed, become it. It’s easier

than it looks.

2. Whenever you’re bored, just get more tattoos.

Everyone knows stress comes from being able to see your own body!

3. Come up with a list of creative nicknames for your significant other like “Buddha” or “Lost Boy Heartbreaker Baby Violence Lovebug Chaos Demon of the Blade” to use in instagram captions on your future anniversaries.

Have sex in the bathroom at GQ after your viral interview gets recorded.

Meditate on the fact that it’s okay if your girlfriend is a million bajillion times hotter than you are!

Everybody looks a little weird, right?

This is The Oberlin Grape’s second installment of Ask Dr. Gags, an advice column from our resident sexologist Dr. Gagatha McCreampie. If you have a question about sex, intimacy, dating, or pubic lice, feel free ot reach out to Dr. Gags through emailing thegrape@oberlin.edu

Dear Dr. Gags, Help! I’m a first year and all the hot seniors are MIA. I think they’re sequestered in their off campus houses having exclusive wine soirée orgies. Where do I find them? When will I be able to fantasize about them from afar?

-CRUSHsterated Dear CRUSHsterated, Hello little precious baby angel first year. I can tell you are new here because you are under an Oberlin spell. I’ve walked around this campus, entered the dorms where you slumber, went to the library and read all the books about ancient forms of torture, and yes, if you third years can remember, I was your keynote speaker at SOAR. So you can say I have been around these streetcorners for quite a while. I have even attended one of these super legit wine soirée orgies you so crave. And let me tell you the truth, these seniors, they don’t know the first thing about love humpin. These guys are wrecks, and if you really look at them for even a second too long, they start to look all fugly and freaky like that mucus family from that commercial. Oh so you just got here and all of a sudden you are entranced by boy in earring or girl in pants, well honey, bad news here, that Creative Writing degree won’t pay the bills OR make your clit implode. You want a strong sturdy partner, much like the head squeezing contraption of the 1700s that was used on unwed mothers. Someone who protects you like the Electrical Cage used on orphan panhandlers of the Industrial Revolution. Someone who does not go here like the Wyoming Urethra Expander used on theater masturbators up until last year. Hope this helps so so much!

Ciao Whore!, Gags Dear Dr. Gagatha, I’ve been dating my partner for about a month now, and it’s going pretty well. The only issue in our relationship is that she is constantly lying and I can’t tell what’s a bit and what’s real life anymore. Send help!

Sincerely, What’s With Women These Days

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Dearest What’s With Women These Days, Now this is an excellent question we do not address enough in society; what to do when you’re not funny, cute, or hot enough to keep up the bit. This is a normal problem to have, my little idiot. I cannot even tell you how many partners I’ve had in the past that were nowhere near my intellectual level. Dozens! Maybe even hundreds. You have a few ways you could approach this predicament.

Number 1: Start lying all the time as well so neither of you are ever telling the truth. It’ll be like you’re living in a shared delusion! Very fun. Many of the couples I advise at Oberlin are actively using this strategy. Or number 2: Enroll in one of my classes , “101 Ways to Keep Up With Your Funnier, Hotter Girlfriend.” The waiting list is extensive, but I would happily add you to it. Well, I’ve given you loads to think about. Why don’t you sleep on it and get back to me in next week’s issue? Kisses, dumb dumb.

Forever Yours, Gags

A Chilling Tale: Syncing in the Moonlight Ella Erdahl Contributor Just last weekend on All Hallows’ Eve, you may have noticed an unusual amount of frights on campus. While this can usually be attributed to the nature of the holiday, this year posed a unique situation: all period-havers on Oberlin’s campus synced their cycles for one horrifically bloody evening. All bathroom E signs were flipped to M (for MURDER!), forcing many confused students to shit in the bushes in Tampon Square as the crimson wave wreaked havoc on Oberlin’s plumbing. Three students were spotted on the first floor of Baldwin pouring blood out of their diva cups and mixing it with midol in a hot water bottle, performing a spell to ward off the menopausal overlords. Bloody x’s lay painted across dorm room doors as an attempt to protect residents from the wrath of the demons summoned via period sigils in the common rooms of East. Some novice bakers in Harkness

ran out of red food coloring for their Halloween-themed treats and resorted to reaching up each other’s clams in a PMS (Platonic and Mature Style) in order to get the coloration they needed for their red velvet cupcakes. The cupcakes unfortunately had to ultimately be sacrificed to the ghoul running through North Quad singing opera at 3am to appease their spirit and finalize the exorcism, but the seance communicating with that same demon affirmed that the cupcakes did, in fact, taste very good.

The bloody affair didn’t stop in the dorms. Anyone walking by the Science Building that night was sure to notice the light turned on in the chemistry lab, where a thirdyear was drawing blood out of her own tampon to test its composition and what she found will make you want to yank it out dry. Whether you experienced this bloody evening firsthand through the shedding of your own uterine lining, or just witnessed the horror through an unusually gory campus, it’s undeniable that Halloween this year demenstruated the spooky power of a crimson moon.

REVIEW: Halloween Movies Isabel Hardwig Contributor

HALLOWEEN 14: IT’S HALLOWEEN AGAIN Really, really enjoyed the bit where Michael Myers takes off his mask and it turns out that he’s been played by Ted Dansen the entire time and he’s like “rah!” and sort of flirtatiously whips a dishcloth at Jamie Lee Curtis, who is both confused and a little delighted. Other than that, eh.

THE HOUSE THAT ATE THINGS Profound exploration of queer longing and how, if you put a goldfish in a swimming pool, it will grow to the size of that swimming pool. Fun for the whole family.

CHUTES Premiered in 2004, this cult classic pushes five strangers into a game of Chutes and Ladders with deadly consequences, overseen by a homicidal puppetmaster. Six tasteful nip slips, three disgusting nip slips, one baffling six-minute scene in which all of the characters argue about the best track on the Eagles album The Long Run. Would watch again.

THE SHRIEK First watched this in 2015 with my older brother and all his cool lesbian friends, who were very nice about me eating all the M&M’s and interrogating each of them in turn about what they thought of my sneakers. I don’t remember much of it other than the ghost crocodile rodeo which was, of course, immediately followed by the infamous watersports scene.

By Dasha Klein

CLUES Director Alan Taint made it almost all the way through this whimsical adaptation of the board game Clue before being told that someone else had already done that, as evidenced by the characters’ agreement at the ninetyminute mark that murder is boring and nobody cares about it, followed by a unanimous group decision to go to a waterpark instead.

DEMON BLOODBATH Was told by my tenth-grade girlfriend that it was “super scary” and “had Sigourney Weaver,” only to discover that it was actually a taping of her most recent slam poetry performance.

TED LASSO SEASON 3 I only watch that show for Hannah Waddingham’s arms, so once they got torn off by the chainsaw, it really lost its shine for me. Still devoted to the Roy/Keeley storyline, and enjoyed watching the Knife Soccer episode.

AXE CLOWNS RISE AGAIN Profound exploration of queer longing and how, if you think that you can avoid a gang of 20+ murderous clowns by hiding in a vehicle that they couldn’t possibly all fit inside, you’ve got another thing coming.

INFESTATION 2 Too many mice, not enough rats. I’m a rat girl.

AUSTRALIAN GHOST HAUNTING YOU Pretty much does what it says on the tin.

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By Averlly Sheltraw

Note From The Editor: Halloween Costumes You Could Have Been But Were Not Smart Enough To Think Of — But Maybe Next Year You Will Be Much Smarter Juli Freedman Bad Habits Editor Melted Spongebob Popsicle Guy Who is Hired to Pick People Up From The Airport Barefoot Contessa (cancelled) Kia Soul Hamsters Lobster Bib Circumcision Cleaver Cig Break Times Square Elmo Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP Era A Suggestive Wink Bridesmaid That Knows Too Much Lesbian Drake Weed Dad’s Friend Transmasc Peter Griffin A big shoe like the kind all those kids live inside of Silica Packets Catholic School Girl That Wears Her Uniform The Correct Way Girls Who Love Their Silly Little Crafts Girls Who Bruise Too Easily Scabies Lotion A Tombstone for Jojo and Kylie’s relationship Foxy Fauci lololololololololololololololololol Eye Crust Nicki’s Friends Cousins Left Nut Post-Vaccine Prozac Nightmare Identical Twins But One Is Way Hotter Than The Other Russian Doping Scandal Dryhumping Teens Me Falconer’s Glove

By Eva Sturm-Gross

Wear One Of Those Facebook T-Shirts That Is Like “This Dental Assistant That Was Born In May Is Going To Fucking Stab You In This Golden Corral Parking Lot” Someone Else’s Dead Dog Dr. Gags Dress Up as Literally Anything and Tell People You Are Iron Man

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Rating Guys in my Dorm

By Someone in Your Hall - Guy who bleeds maggots: very polite, but constantly playing loud music in a genre that he asserts to be “larval rock” (mostly Lana del Ray). 7/10 - Guy who never wears a shirt: would be fine, except he has 117 nipples and they spell out spoilers for the movie Saw (2004). Seems against basic dorm etiquette. 5/10 - Guy who never wears a shirt, but his chest is just a gaping vacuum: good taste in TV, always keeps his mask pulled over his nose. Still, if I have to fish my keys from the demonic hellscape netherworld beyond his vortex body one more time, I’m gonna lose my shit. 8/10 -Guy with prehensile tongue: classic guy right here. 9/10 -Guy whose room smells like weed: keeps insisting that he “doesn’t smoke weed” and “there’s a family of feral skunks in here” and “I can’t get them out, oh God please help me.” Like, okay dude, try asking me about my day for once. 3/10 -Guy whose identity got stolen: kind of a relief, didn’t remember his name anyway.

7/10.

-Guy who’s the ghost of an Oberlin student from 1852: insists that he personally “put the white” into the squirrels, which is concerning on a couple levels. Shockingly good at Smash Bros. 8/10.

-Guy who microwaves his popcorn one kernel at a time: 9.5/10.

-Guy who shaves into the communal sinks and doesn’t wash any of the clippings down the drain: everyone else on this list I made up for this silly little newspaper, but you are real and I hope you perish. -1000/10.

By Dasha Klein

Best Dorm Room Snacks Juli Freedman Bad Habits Editor Hey Freshies! I hope you are having quite the delicious time in your dorm rooms!

When I was a freshman, I walked into Dascomb and heard someone scream “IT SMELLS LIKE DIRTY PUSSY IN HERE.” But that was a long time ago. If you are one of the very small freaky minority of freshmen that are homesick, and longing for the days when you can just ring the grub bell for mama or papa to make you some tuna brulee, then I may just have some tips and tricks for you! And you may ask me, “Juli, but don’t snacks cost money?” And, may I retort, that you my dear are just not thinking hard enough.

These snacks are totally free and for the most part okay to ingest. Score!

Bedframe Are you less of a chewer but more of a gnawer? Then let me put you onto your dorm bed frame. Which, no, is not the

highest quality of wood, and may not even be wood at all, but it sure as hell tastes like the finest mahogany. Now just be careful not to chew through it too much, you want to retain as much of the bed frame that can carry you throughout the year.

Dryer Lint Or as I like to call it, free cotton candy!

This stuff really hits, especially if you wait a while to throw those crusty, filthy, period blood stained sheets in the spinny machines. Is your mouth watering, or are you just excited to see me?

Homework If dogs are truly the taste makers of the world, which is something we all say, then they have really struck gold with this homework eating habit. Now when I say homework, I obviously also mean field trip slips, STD pamphlets, instructions, and legally binding documents. So take the work out of homework, and maybe also the home too, cause this right here is

Photos provided by Juli Freedman

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Dorm Snacks continued one excellent SNACK! Roomate’s Snacks Share a room with some fucker? Well it might just be a su casa es mi casa situation! If roomate makes you mad, try some of their cheese puffs! Roommate has annoying guest over? That’s a cheese puff. Roommate is loud on the phone? That’s a cheese puff. Roommate tells you to clean room? Mhm yeah buddy, thats another cheese puff down the gullet! That’s what makes roommate so fun!

Matress Pad Foam Something about this texture is just so exciting. Maybe it’s the bounciness or the slight dusty aura that has collected over the years of night piss and sweat, but nothing really compares to the feeling of tearing off the cover and getting right to the foam. That’s my kinda Christmas!

Paper Straws While there is nothing like chomping on a plastic Starbucks straw until it shrivels and shreds, this paper shit is free at Azzie’s, and really not half bad. I’m enjoying some now while I write this! Similar to homework but definitely more socially acceptable. As you can see, I am in Azzie’s and no one better be turning one eye at me

and my socially acceptable habit. Better stock up before I get all of them!

Window Shades String Cone Oh boy did I save the best for last. Have your teeth been feeling a little squishy lately? Like a tender headed baby?

Well the thing about these treats, is that not only is the plastic delicious, and can last you quite a while, but they will also make your teeth very sharp, similar to a shark’s. Or like mine. I am legally not allowed to kiss because I could maul someone’s face off. My girlfriend is made of pure steel. But baby, I can’t get these gum blades off my window shade string cones!

By Molly Chapin

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COUPON CORNER

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crossword #2

ACROSS 1. A good place to take your parents who are visiting Oberlin this weekend 6. Your parents probably travelled to Ohio in one of these 7. A stranger, weirdo 8. Meditation chant 9. On top of 10. Indian flatbreads

DOWN 1. Housewife’s favorite getup 2. An animal that loves to spit on you 3. Computer-hookup letters 4. ___ a happy note 5. Glowing signs

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