NOVEMBER 30 2018 by The Oberlin Grape

VOL. 19, NO. 5 Editors-in-Chief Sophie Jones Ian Feather

OBERLIN’S STUDENT CULTURE MAGAZINE

Contributing Writers Ben Richman Liz Stewart

Treasurer Charlie Rinehart-Jones Content Editors Ruby Anderson PJ McCormick Devin McMahon Kiana Mickles Cover Art The internet

EST. 1999 NOVEMBER 30, 2018

Jewish Voice for Peace Layout Editors Natalie Hawthorne Grace Kirk Leora Swerdlow Nico Vickers

Copy Editors Nell Back Eleanor Cunningham Olivia Hacker-Keating Indrani Kharbanda

Staff Writers Jason Hewitt Zoe Jasper Sam Schuman

Photo Editor Emery Webster Web Editor Leah Yassky

Students for Energy Justice Oberlin Students for a Free Palestine Back Page Rosie Rudavsky

WANT TO SEE YOUR NAME IN PRINT? COME TO OUR NEXT MEETING! SUNDAY, DECEMBER 2, 4:00 PM IN WILDER 115 OR, IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA, SHOOT US AN EMAIL; THEGRAPE@OBERLIN.EDU

“Punching Up!”: How to Write Funny and Good Have you heard they did surgery on a grape? BY SOPHIE JONES AND IAN FEATHER | CO-EDITORS-IN-CHIEF Dear faithful readers, As you all know, Oberlin students have a reputation for not being able to take a joke. In the three-and-a-half years that have passed since we began our esteemed academic careers here, publications like The Atlantic have dedicated absurd amounts of their resources toward telling the rest of the world just how sensitive and fragile we all are. Obviously, this is bullshit--there’s a difference between not engaging in humor that puts marginalized peoples down and not having a sense of humor. Clearly, the dedicated staff of The Atlantic have never cracked open any of our illustrious campus publications, nor dipped their elitist toes into our facebook discourse. However, in the everlasting quest to be quirkier and edgier-than-thou, Oberlin students sometimes still cross this line. The most recent example is the “2010 BP Oil Spill” theme that was originally planned for this past Wednesday’s Splitchers. Another example is an article that was published in this very publication last semester which made some ill-conceived jokes about Joseph Kony and his child soldiers. It should go without saying that, unless you’re using such phenomena to make an intentional political critique (which can be accomplished through humor!), simply throwing around social injustices that adversely impacted others in order to make a joke is both offensive and just plain lazy. We believe our illustrious Bad Habits editor Ruby Anderson said it best on Facebook, in response to the ill-chosen Splitchers

theme: “good comedy punches up, not down.” So what does that mean? Well, we here at The Grape might not seem qualified to give advice on how to write comedy that is either funny or righteous. If you take into account our checkered past, maybe that makes us a little qualified. Maybe? Here’s our approach; satire needs to be intentional in its references to serious current events; Not only that, it should be well thought out. We try our hardest not to use sensitive topics as a means to bolster or embellish our uniquely undergrad-flavored humor, rather we use our undergrad humor (underdeveloped and meme-reliant as it may be) to elevate the issues we write about. At the very least, (good) satire can be a way to start lips flapping about issues that youngins’ at Oberlin can be nervous to talk about at all, and to our detriment! Or, in the case of this issue, inoffensive (although not good, per se) comedy can consist of constant, merciless references to the same meme (“They did surgery on a grape”). Love, Sophie + Ian

As New Environmental Legislation is Considered in Ohio, Students For Energy Justice Looks for Ways to Fight Back BY SAM SCHUMAN I STAFF WRITER Editor’s Note: Co-Editor-In-Chief Ian Feather is a member of Students for Energy Justice, and was uninvolved in the researching and reporting of this story. Beside the Oberlin bike trail, just past Splash Zone fitness and in front of an empty stretch of land that, until this part May, had been heavily forested, stands a solitary wooden sign. Etched into the sign are two eyes, and above them three sentences: “Here lies the Nexus Pipeline, buried against the will of the people. We mourn the land, water, and life that has been razed by the toxic greed of extraction. But the spirits of resistance remain.” The origins of the sign, which was put up last week, are unknown, but its presence serves as a continuing reminder of local activism against the natural gas and fossil fuel industries and for environmental justice. Sophomore and Neuroscience major Isabel Tadmiri is a member of Students for Energy Justice (SEJ), an Oberlin student group that she said works “towards any goals of environmental, and specifically energy, justice with a focus on that justice framework…making sure to highlight that, because sometimes in environmental movements that gets left behind.” The sign “wasn’t SEJ...not that I know of,” said Tadmiri, adding, “but SEJ totally supports that sign. It aligns with a lot of the core beliefs of both SEJ and No Nexus Oberlin.” No Nexus Oberlin, she explained, is a consortium of both students and non-students who oppose “the [Nexus] pipeline and pipelines everywhere.” No group, including SEJ or No Nexus Ober-

lin, has claimed responsibility for the sign. Students for Energy Justice fights against the propagation of fossil fuels, with a focus on “the ways that energy and the environment intrinsically work with forms of power like imperialism, colonialism, …[and] racism in this country,” said Tadmiri. Last year, the group’s primary focus was protesting the Nexus Pipeline, a 255.8-mile long fracked gas pipeline that spans much of Ohio. SEJ brought attention to the systems of injustice perpetuated by the pipeline in addition to the environmental dangers it creates, including the risk of pipeline rupture and explosion, and water and air contamination. The pipeline “is something that is an intrinsically environmental issue; but also with that is very colonial and imperial because…pipelines will inevitably go through lands that are indigenous lands, they’ll go through communities that are more poor, rural and [made up of] people of color,” said Tadmiri. “[These communities] will suffer at the hands of pipelines.” In August, a series of natural gas pipeline explosions in Texas left five workers hospitalized with severe burns. Last November, the Keystone Pipeline, an oil pipeline that was completed last year after being delayed under the Obama administration, spilled nearly ten thousand barrels — over 400,000 gallons — of crude oil onto farmland in rural Marshall County, South Dakota. TransCanada Corp., who owns the pipeline, originally reported that only 200,000 gallons had been spilled, not disclosing the actual, higher figure until April.

A proposed extension to the Keystone Pipeline, called the Keystone Pipeline XL, sparked protests at the Standing Rock Sioux Reservation over concerns of leaks causing environmental damage. Oberlin initially resisted efforts by DTE Energy and Enbridge Inc. the

companies behind the Nexus Pipeline, to obtain land within city limits for the pipeline. In February, despite the protests of dozens of Oberlin students and community members, the City Council approved a $100,000 settlement that allowed the two companies to build within continued on next page

Oberlin. The pipeline’s construction has since been completed, and today the three-foot wide pipeline transports 1.5 billion cubic feet of natural gas per day from eastern Ohio to Canada, where it joins an existing network of pipelines. “It’s really tragic and devastating to see the pipeline in the ground. Even though a lot of people thought it was inevitable, it still hurts a lot,” said Tadmiri, adding via Facebook messenger that “it’s imagining and seeing the pain that these projects cause that drives me to keep wanting to act.” She said that SEJ plans to continue to protest the pipeline, and to educate community members on its effects. “I want to continue to feel like I can make an actual mark against the Nexus pipeline and other pipelines even though there’s not construction happening in Oberlin.” But now that the fight against Nexus is effectively over, SEJ is looking for new

projects to focus on. In October, SEJ was involved in Oberlin’s Indigenous People’s Day celebration in Tappan Square. As far as major projects, “this past semester has been a lot of thinking about how we can best use our energy, whether it’s working with Oberlin…or giving our energy to other movements that aren’t in Oberlin,” said Tadmiri. SEJ certainly has a lot of options. Recently, two new bills introduced in the Ohio state legislature have huge potential implications for the State’s environmental health. House Bill 393, introduced last November, is nicknamed the “Brine Bill.” It would classify brine — the term for waste water collected from fracking wells — as a “commodity,” exempting it from normal restrictions applied to brine and allowing it to be sold as a de-icer for roadways. Brine often contains traces of oil, dissolved volatile organic compounds

(which have been connected to various diseases), and other contaminants; however, the bill requires that they be removed before the brine is sold. It has yet to reach the House floor for debate. Environmental groups have been quick to oppose the bill. “HB 393 is not environmentally sound or in the interest of the residents of Ohio,” wrote Carol Davey, Southeast Ohio Regional Director of the Ohio Environmental Council, in the Athens News this June. “For the stability of our food supply and the health of surrounding ecosystems and communities, we cannot implement HB 393 and allow for the application of wastewater to roadways in Ohio,” read one op-ed written by a Sierra Club intern and published in the Sandusky Register last May. Another bill, Senate Bill 250, would prohibit “criminal mischief, criminal trespass, and aggravated trespass on a

critical infrastructure facility.” In other words, it increases the penalties for those trespassing — i.e., protesting — against infrastructure facilities including corporate pipelines and gas wells. “This can only be intended to squelch environmental advocacy,” wrote one environmental activist in the Athens News. Under the bill, environmental organizations can also be held accountable for individuals’ actions during protests. Senate committee hearings on the bill began two weeks ago. Currently, SEJ hasn’t ruled out any action. “SEJ has been doing a lot of talking about reframing about where to go from here,” said Tadmiri, adding that “Oberlin students should inherently want to fight something that so obviously attacks rights of people and land, and the rights to clean water and air.” SEJ meets Thursdays at 7:00 PM and Sundays at 3:30 PM in Wilder Hall.

Solidarity, Liberation and Radical Imagination: An Evening with Nyle Fort BY OBERLIN STUDENTS FOR A FREE PALESTINE AND JEWISH VOICE FOR PEACE On November 6th, Oberlin Students for a Free Palestine (SFP) and Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP) hosted Christian Youth Minister and PhD candidate at Princeton, Nyle Fort, to speak at Oberlin College. The lecture was titled “Black-Palestinian Solidarity in an Age of Repression” and focused on the ways in which intermovement solidarity is key to organizing for liberation, and foundational to envisioning a just world. Nyle Fort’s lecture was about recognizing the vast potential of solidarity-based activism. More specifically, it was about the intersections of Black and Palestinian freedom struggles, and the way we enact and engage in transnational solidarity. Fort took time to explain exactly what he means when he refers to the notion of solidarity, preventing any misconceptions. His first point in this definition was that solidarity represents common resistance, not common oppression, being careful to emphasize that evil functions quite differently in separate contexts. Next, Fort described the process by which solidarity is made and remade through struggle. Over time, new connections between different marginalized groups will be formed and subsequently transform in the shifting matrix of resistance. The final, and perhaps most important, aspect of solidarity that Fort identified was that solidarity is not sameness. Rather than serving as a homogenizing concept, solidarity necessarily accounts for and promotes the differences between human perspectives and identities. What Nyle Fort’s lecture demonstrated was the real possibility and need for different methodologies to combat entrenched structures of oppression, namely the principles of solidarity as enacted by communal organizations. The message that students were left with is

PHOTO BY JEWISH VOICE FOR PEACE best expressed in the words of a fourth year: “There was a lot of conversation about how do to activism, like on a day-to-day level which I found really interesting. I feel like a lot of the time we talk about these big ideas and make grand statements but most of what makes these movements possible are the little things, the grinding, and the daily work that pushes things forward.” With the lecture scheduled on the evening of the 2018 midterm elections, conversations surrounding

community organizing took on a new level of urgency. As the liberal political establishment has repeatedly implored students to vote as the primary method of resisting Donald Trump, many incisive critiques have been overlooked about the limits of electoralism in affecting progressive change under capitalism. This reality remains important in the context of Palestinian continued on next page

PHOTO BY STUDENTS FOR A FREE PALESTINE liberation among others, as November 6th forced Ohio voters to choose between two staunchly Zionist senate candidates. The Republican candidate Jim Renacci has gone on record as saying that Israel has been and will remain the greatest friend and strongest ally of the United States, while re-elected Democrat Sherrod Brown has expressed a similar view, referring to the country as “our most important ally in the Middle East.” Support for Israel means supporting the Zionist colonization of Palestine, as well as the military occupation of the West Bank, East Jerusalem and the Syrian Golan Heights. These conditions are partially responsible for the U.N. Economic and Social Commission for Western Asia’s identification of the state of Israel’s actions as indicative of an “apartheid regime” in a 2017 report. One can also point to the crippling blockade of Gaza and the recent injuries and killings that the Zionist state has inflicted upon scores of Gaza protesters, simply for walking into an invisible zone along Israel’s militarized fence during the Great March of Return in March of 2018. Thus, both candidates support genocide and ethnic cleansing on a stolen land that remains distant from the daily lives of many Americans. Fort explained that often, arguments revolving around the “lesser of two evils” narrow the potential of possibility for political action. These arguments promote the notion that, despite a lack of truly positive candidates, the less conservative figure deserves the full support of the political Left. This electoral strategy still kills, subjugates and dispossesses Palestinians, among many others. The political structures that built this country do not allow for the interests of all people to be considered. Marginalized people are constantly being told to sacrifice their vote to protect the sovereignty of white, cisgender, heterosexual, bourgeois Americans instead of the most vulnerable, both inside and outside of this country’s borders. Fort illuminated something rarely discussed in our era: the need to recognize the perva-

siveness of white supremacy within our government, to sincerely reflect on the benevolence and efficacy of the state and to mobilize against those systems of oppression. With this in mind, the oppression of Black people and the oppression of Palestinians don’t function congruently, but run parallel to each other. Historically unprecedented mass incarceration is alive and well in both the USA and Israel, yet it does not exist in an identical way. Nonetheless, contemporary imprisonment of Black, brown, indigenous, or displaced peoples in both countries is a modality of settler-colonialism, which itself does not arise as a singular historical event

“SOLIDARITY REPRESENTS COMMON RESISTANCE, NOT COMMON OPPRESSION” but rather as long-term structures of oppression. In response to this, one fourth year who attended the lecture stated in an interview that “I think it’s really important to make connections between movements. Obviously, learning about one struggle is important and necessary, but reaching out and pulling others in from other struggles feels invaluable to me. As a Black person, my process of learning about the Palestinian struggle has shown me things about race in the United States that I couldn’t see before. That’s what connection does.” One tactic to connect these struggles has been the Deadly Exchange campaign, initiated by Jewish Voice for Peace, which seeks to end the growing trend of US-Israeli transnational law enforcement training exchanges, which strengthen the nations’ repressive capacities. Another analytical tactic is to compare the construction of illegal settlements in occupied Palestinian territory to the forced relocation of Native Americans into the

reservation system. This is all to say that, based upon the principles Nyle Fort presented, to stand with Black Lives Matter is to stand with Palestinian liberation. Capitalism, Fort explained, was the ultimate enemy of his solidarity-based activism. The isolating, individualizing tendencies of capitalism are responsible for an intense fear that often stands in the way of grassroots organizing. A social structure that remains entirely beholden to capital demands that workers see themselves as lone individuals, never as a part of a collective whole. For this reason, Fort emphasized that the Q&A portion of the evening would take on a conversational format. Students responded with broad questions about political activism and grassroots organizing as well as personal anecdotes or concerns that arose as a result of the lecture. What separated this from any other event of its kind was Fort’s genuine enthusiasm for each student who spoke, no matter the subject. One third-year student noted this aspect of the evening, explaining “The space of the lecture felt intimate and open at the same time. [Fort] allowed people to ask questions that...usually [don’t have a place to be asked.]. I felt comfortable and motivated, which isn’t something that happens a lot in spaces like that.” This tone remained vital to the overall mission of the event:to generate some forward momentum and encourage conversations about activism, from which attendees could take lessons to then be practiced in the world. Despite the encouraging dialogue that occurred throughout the evening, it is important to take time to recognize just exactly what we must mobilize against. To put it simply, the US settler-colonial state is based on ideologies of white supremacy that cannot just be merely “voted away”. While the left has rightfully condemned Donald Trump for his bigotry and racist policies, it is crucial to recognize that he hasn’t singlehandedly created systems of white supremacy; rather, he is himself a product of them. From the dispossession and murder of indigenous peoples that underpin the establishment of the United States, to the violent colonization and enslavement of Black people, the white supremacist roots of this country remain strong. Nyle Fort highlighted the transnational character of such systems of oppression. While voting may be one tactic to exercise political agency, its efficacy pales in comparison to the potential of building mass movements between revolutionary political organizations. This is evident in Fort’s work to include the call for boycott, divestment, and sanctions (BDS) against Israel in the Movement for Black Lives, or the Twitter messages of solidarity from protesters in Palestine to protesters in Ferguson, teaching them how to relieve the effects of teargas. It is precisely through this process of building trust and solidarity between our movements that we can recognize that until we are all free, none of us are free.

If you want to get involved with SFP or JVP please email: sfp@oberlin.edu oberlin@jewishvoiceforpeace.org

Before Barnes and Noble:

The Little-Known History of the Co-Op Bookstore BY IAN FEATHER I CO-EDITOR IN CHIEF By now, you’re well aware of how ridiculously expensive the Oberlin Bookstore is. You probably also know that the Oberlin Bookstore is just a poorly-disguised Barnes and Noble franchise. But did you know that for decades prior to when Barnes and Noble opened its doors in the early 2000s, students and faculty were served instead by a book cooperative? The Co-op Bookstore first opened in 1942 on 23 South Main Street, and was part of the larger Oberlin Consumers Cooperative (OCC), which at one point or another provided amenities such as a laundry and dry cleaning service, a children’s clothing store, a grocery store, a Greyhound Bus ticket agency, a credit union, and a restaurant. These efforts were spearheaded by the late Bill Long, whose daughter Krista Long was also heavily involved in the OCC, and who now owns Ben Franklin and MindFair Books. Despite having to move to several different locations throughout its life, including where the Hotel at Oberlin currently sits, the Co-op Bookstore, unlike the Barnes and Noble, was strongly connected to the community. Any of the small profits made on OCC sales (at the bookstore and elsewhere) were both returned to members through refunds and donated to local organizations such as the Oberlin Early Childhood Center and the Oberlin Public Library. In 1950, the OCC allocated money to help College students form the first student co-op at Pyle. Beyond its approach to finances, the Co-op Bookstore also prioritized stocking works by Oberlin College faculty, rather than whatever was on the national bestseller list at any given time. According to Sonia Kruks, Oberlin’s Robert S. Danforth Professor of Politics, when the Barnes and Noble sold its single copy of her 2012 book Simone de Beauvoir and the Politics of Ambiguity, the store managers could not stock any more copies because the title was not part of Barnes and No-

ble’s national distributor’s catalog. Kruks believes her experience reflects a larger issue with the current store; books that do get stocked “don’t really address the type of student body, faculty body, that we have in Oberlin.” Despite playing such a vital role in the Oberlin community, the Co-op Bookstore was forced to close its doors for good in November of 1999. In the late 1980s, there were growing concerns regarding the physical condition and inherent limitations of the old building that housed the bookstore, where the Barnes and Noble is now located. After a Cleveland-based engineering consulting firm concluded that the building should either be significantly renovated or completely rebuilt, the OCC membership voted in 1991 for a complete rebuild. While careful financial projections supported the decision, the outcome would ultimately play a large role in the Co-op Bookstore’s demise over the next several years. According to an online historical summary written by College alum and former Professor of Sociology Albert J. McQueen:

not reemerged from the ashes, and students, faculty, and community members alike are still largely stuck with the Barnes and Noble. However, both within the campus and in the town, certain individuals have tried to fill the void left in the wake of the Co-op Bookstore. For the second part of this series, I will speak with two of these individuals, Krista Long of MindFair Books and fourth-year student Emmanuel Navarro of SWAP, the campus book cooperative, in order to find out about the challenges and opportunities facing non-corporate book providers in Oberlin.

“From outer appearances the business seemed strong, but the harsh realities of negative balance sheets began right away to take a toll on the business. Along with such factors as the unexpectedly high costs of moving and operating during an unsettled year, restocking and running a much larger operation, and the interest payments on the loans for construction, there was also the burden on students of growing inflation in textbook prices, the appearance of a megabookstore (Borders) within easy driving distance, and the advent of online bookselling, which seems to have had a strong appeal to students.”

Since it closed, the Co-op Bookstore has

The Grape needs you! Do you have anything at all to say? now accepting: articles, poems, comics, diatribes, manifestos, recipes, receipts (?), screenplays, odes, leaked documents, half-formed thoughts, complaints, compliments, human hair, restaurant reviews, headshots, anything that The Plum Creek Review refuses to publish. Come to our final contributors’ meeting of the semester; this Sunday, December 2nd at 4:00 in Wilder 115. Or email thegrape@oberlin.edu. 6

Dear Oberlin Students, Please Mind Your Manners BY JASON HEWITT | STAFF WRITER Many Oberlin students have an issue with showing manners, and I’m honestly fed up with it. It’s really not that difficult to be a decent human being to other people, yet it appears to be a challenge to Obies. It’s not even the fact that they are overly malicious with their actions. They’re subtle with their rudeness. They either don’t say the phrase “thank you,” or they fail to do simple things like holding a door for somebody. It truly is the little things that make a huge difference, and these folks either don’t see it or they simply don’t care enough to see it. Saying “thank you” is not a difficult task to perform. It’s one of the easiest acts of politeness you could possibly think of. Holding a door? That’s easy, too. It literally takes no more than five seconds to do. Is five seconds too much time to not be an entitled asshole? Maybe it’s the Southerner in me, but I’ve always believed in manners. You don’t have to be over the top with it, but you could at least do the bare minimum. That’s the beauty of manners. You don’t even have to go completely out of your way to show them, but when you do, your character shines. I understand why many Obies don’t show their manners. It’s a class issue. We have to remember the facts here. Many Obies come from wealthy families, and it definitely shows with how they act. In my experiences, the perpetrators of bad manners have come from rich Obies. “How can you tell that they’re rich, Jason?” Trust me. It’s pretty easy to figure out who has money around here, even in short interactions. I can tell by the way they carry themselves, the way they talk, the way they dress, and even in the way they make their horrible takes in class discussions. These are the types of people who will most likely avoid holding the door for you, especially if you appear to be in a lower class status than them. I also have to remember my own perspective as I reflect on my own experiences here. I’m the “big and scary black dude” to those who don’t know me personally. People create judgments about me before I even have a chance to interact with them, so I’m not surprised to be

“THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF MANNERS. YOU DON’T

on the back end of bad manners. This isn’t new to me. I’ve dealt with this for my entire life. However, it’s still hurtful. I’ve had conversations with people from many different backgrounds about manners and how some Obies lack them, and the responses have been strik-

EVEN HAVE TO GO COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR

ingly similar. “Oh, it’s probably one of those students. You know, the pampered ones who were spoiled for their entire lives.” That’s the general consensus I’ve received. So, if you know you have economic privilege, (even though you deny it… that’s an Oberlin problem, too, but I

WAY TO SHOW THEM, BUT WHEN YOU DO, YOUR

won’t go there this week...), do everyone else a favor, and check yourself. _ Make sure you’re saying thank you when somebody holds a door for you. Make sure you hold doors for others. Just make sure you’re not being an ass to other people. It’s really not

CHARACTER SHINES.”

that hard. Manners are a reflection of humility, after all. Humble yourselves.

The NEXUS Pipeline is complete. Now what? BY STUDENTS FOR ENERGY JUSTICE Sometime in the last few weeks, fracked natural gas began flowing through the 36”-in-diameter NEXUS pipeline. Despite a dedicated, years-long mobilization against this destructive fossil fuel project by students and community members along the route, the power of the corporations behind the project (DTE Energy and Enbridge Inc.) and the complicity of local, state, and federal governing bodies was simply too much to overcome. This news, although not surprising given the history of extractive projects in this country, is deeply saddening and frustrating, and it’s important for us to grieve and otherwise take care of ourselves in the wake of this news. It’s also important for us to celebrate the small victories that were achieved over the course of the resistance to NEXUS, and highlight the efforts of those who put their personal energies into slowing down construction through both legal and direct action means. However, the NEXUS Pipeline doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and given the increasingly dire state of our climate and the growing disproportionality of the impacts of climate change, we can also mobilize this sadness and frustration to strengthen the resistance going forward. NEXUS represented one piece of a much larger fossil fuel empire that continues to expand, despite the very clear evidence that such expansion will continue to literally kill us over the next several decades. As we write this, fossil fuel pipelines are being constructed across the country, and fracking wells continue to be dug wherever shale deposits promise quick profits.

Here are some of the ongoing battles in our region (not listed in any particular order):

1) Ohio Senate Bill 250, introduced earlier this year, will essentially make trespassing on places where there is fossil fuel infrastructure a first-degree felony, the most serious type of charge in the state of Ohio. For reference, such an offense is currently punishable as a misdemeanor.

It’s important to remember that extractive industries are able to continue to expand and grow more powerful due to the entanglement of money in politics and global capitalism. Engaging in resistance or providing solidarity to struggles against almost anything underneath this broad umbrella of imperialism, corruption, and greed will aid in the necessary transition to a more just world that puts people over profit, grants basic human rights to all people, and lifts up voices that have been and continue to be silenced.

2) There are plans to develop a roughly $100 billion “Appalachia Storage and Trading Hub” across Pennsylvania, Ohio, West Virginia, and Kentucky. This would likely include natu- However, if you’d like to get ral gas liquids storage, a market trading index center, a key directly involved in resisting pipeline feeding epicenter, and a petrochemical refinery row. the fossil fuel projects listed 3) Both the Mountain Valley Pipeline and Atlantic Coast Pipeline are being constructed through the mountains of West Virginia and Virginia, as well as parts of North Carolina; Enbridge (the same company behind NEXUS) is constructing the Line 3 Pipeline in Minnesota through indigenous lands; the Bayou Bridge Pipeline continues to progress through Louisiana and will ultimately serve as an extension of the Dakota Access Pipeline; the list goes on.

above, consider joining Students for Energy Justice (SEJ) by emailing itadmiri@oberlin.edu.

The Case for Reparations Over Representation

Sky News

BY KIANA MICKLES | OPINIONS EDITOR

In liberal discourse concerning solidarity, representation is often conflated with racial justice. In the past several years, liberal ethos has valorized the bare minimum from progressive celebrities and companies, recently Rihanna and Nike, leading to mindless consumption from liberal supporters wanting hard-earned purchases that reflect their social values. Following this trend, inclusivity campaigns are mistaken for acts of solidarity, despite a coexisting lack of commitment to address the fundamental structural issues oppressing working-class Black and Brown people. All the while these individuals and companies sit on massive heaps of wealth, anticipating the exponential profit they will see from strategic marketing towards “woke” POC. Given the latticework of historical repression Black and Brown bodies have endured within white dominant, capitalist media, it is essential that we bear in mind the ways in which rhetoric praising “representation” produce harmful, as Sarah Banet-Weiser terms, commodity activism. Since Rihanna declined the Super Bowl’s offer to perform the halftime show, her decision has garnered positive response from liberals, interpreted as an expression of solidarity with Colin Kaepernick, and by extension the movement for Black Lives. Meanwhile, the singerturned-entrepreneur has remained hush on this, choosing instead to take to social media days later where she encouraged her followers to “#VOTE.” This ensuing silence communicates that Rihanna is a businesswoman first and foremost. The form of liberalism she leans toward, as displayed in her famously

“inclusive” Savage X Fenty Fashion show, is easily palatable to the demographic most profitable to her, that being socially-conscious Black millennials. While we may love Riri, it is critical to note that her acts do not address or combat the structural systems of violence that affect the oppressed peoples she profits off of; these efforts are self-serving business tactics and must not be read as acts of solidarity. Solidarity is not a photo campaign nor is it checking off a diversity box. Solidarity is a genuine commitment to listening to and providing for the needs of marginalized people. It is showing up whenever possible to provide for communities most directly and consistently affected by structural violence. What would the world look like if we, rather than rewarding lucrative businesses and highly-paid public figures with our funds for mere “diversity” and “inclusivity” efforts, we expected nothing less? If we funneled our money into community organizers doing direct work that reflect our personal politics? While public figures like Rihanna and Colin Kaepernick have allowed increased visibility for the movement for Black lives, heightened visibility via elite representatives has never liberated us. The palpable lure of representation in this political climate may be appealing, but we must look beyond this trap in order to envision what reparations and justice would look like in a sustainable society for people of all classes, races, and genders.

“WHILE PUBLIC FIGURES LIKE RIHANNA AND COLIN KAEPERNICK HAVE ALLOWED INCREASED VISIBILITY FOR THE MOVEMENT FOR BLACK LIVES, HEIGHTENED VISIBILITY VIA ELITE REPRESENTATIVES HAS NEVER LIBERATED US.” 9

They Did Surgery on a Grape BY PJ MCCORMICK | ARTS AND CULTURE EDITOR “They did surgery on a grape” is a perfect meme for our times; a pixeled-out, screenshotted piece of bullshit-benign clickbait filtered through needless channels of over-explanation. According to some research done by New York magazine, the line comes from a 2017 clip by online videofarm Cheddar, demonstrating the precision of some new medical equipment by removing the skin from a grape. So while they did surgery on a grape, they didn’t really do surgery on a grape. That wouldn’t make any sense. The joke of “They did surgery on a grape” is to repeat and overlay the phrase ad nauseum, prodding the viewer

PHOTO BY PJ MCCORMICK

to examine the form and function of the message. Who are “they”? Why are they doing surgery on a grape? Is this news? Why is this news? Should I know this? Why am I so tired all the time? Where did they do this surgery on a grape? Did someone pay to get surgery done on a grape? Are all my friends hanging out without me? “They did surgery on a grape” is a uniquely exhausting experience, and is also very funny. It’s tempting to call “They did surgery on a grape” a postmodern thought problem/art piece, prompting a useful conversation about media, social media, consumption habits, internet addiction, the widespread availability of useless information, etc. But in the end, all it is is they did surgery on a grape. “They did surgery on a grape” could be a lot and actually might be but is actually nothing at all, which is all part of it. “They did surgery on a grape” should be up in a museum. In 1984, the media critic Neil Postman published his takedown of television culture, “Amusing Ourselves to Death,” which warned of a fast-approaching future where information is usurped by “disinformation,” as “news” quickly gave way to pure entertainment. “Television,” wrote Postman, “is altering the meaning of ‘being informed’ by creating a species of information that might properly be called disinformation... Disinformation does not mean false information. It means misleading information -- misplace, irrelevant, fragmented or superficial information -- information that creates the illusion of knowing something but which in fact leads one away from knowing.” He continues: “In saying that television...entertains but does not inform, I am saying something far more serious than that we are being deprived of authentic information. I am saying we are losing our sense of what it means to be well informed.” But this quote is wholly irrelevant here, because we are informed— we know that they did surgery on a grape. Also, Postman is writing in the early eighties about the advent of television news, and this is an Instagram video about how they did surgery on a grape, so I’m not sure if it applies. As I was writing this article, I paused to watch a video on an Instagram account called IfYouHigh of someone making a strawberry shortcake that looked like a mushroom. It’s not fake, I know it to be true, because I watched it. I know it in the same way that I know they did surgery on a grape. I’ve seen it! They did surgery on a grape.

“IT IS TEMPTING TO CALL ‘THEY DID SURGERY ON A GRAPE’ A POSTMODERN THOUGHT PROBLEM/ART PIECE, PROMPTING A USEFUL CONVERSATION ABOUT MEDIA, SOCIAL MEDIA, CONSUMPTION HABITS, INTERNET ADDICTION, AND THE WIDESPREAD AVAILABILITY OF USELESS INFORMATION, ETC....”

Sonny Rollins Jazz Ensemble Plays Debut Concert, Emphasizing Service BY SAM SCHUMAN | STAFF WRITER Last Thursday morning, Oberlin’s inaugural Sonny Rollins Jazz Ensemble made its debut appearance in Clonick Hall. The ten-piece ensemble is funded by a large donation given to Oberlin last November by prolific jazz saxophone player Sonny Rollins. After a short introduction and two songs by Bill Evans and Billie Holiday, the group called Rollins on the phone. Their conversation was broadcast to the audience in Clonick Hall.

“HE SPOKE TO US ON THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING GENEROUS AND KIND AND SHARING OUR MUSIC, BUT ALSO FINDING WAYS TO DO GOOD IN EVERY PART OF OUR LIVES” “He spoke to us on the importance of being generous and kind and sharing our music, but also finding ways to do good in every part of our lives, which was really moving especially given that he’s so important to music, not even just jazz music or American classical music,” said Camille Vogley-Howes, a fourth-year dual-degree comparative American studies and jazz performance major who plays violin in the ensemble. “He’s just a legend for many of the people that go through the jazz department.”

Getting into the ensemble, which is directed by jazz guitar professor and jazz studies director Bobby Ferrazza, requires more than just an audition. Applicants must also demonstrate academic achievement and a record of community service, and must give a “thoughtful response to a question about the place of jazz in the world,” says Oberlin College’s website. Members are known as “Sonny Scholars,” and must perform with the ensemble for at least two semesters. They are also required to complete a service-oriented Winter Term project. This January, the ensemble will travel to New York City, where they will be playing at Dizzy’s Club Coca Cola with guest pianist Sullivan Fortner, who graduated from the Conservatory in 2008. Ferrazza said the group also plans to engage in local outreach while in New York, possibly playing in schools, hospitals or senior centers. “The humanity element has to be a big presence in everything young players do,” Rollins said when giving the donation in November. “We’re asking these young musicians to look at the big picture, to tap into the universal power of a higher spirit, so they can give people what they need.” Rollins chose to give his donation to Oberlin at the suggestion of his close friend James McBride, a well-known writer and musician who graduated from Oberlin Conservatory in 1979. Rollins said he was originally considering giving the donation to other prestigious music schools but was won over by Oberlin’s legacy. Ferrazza said that Oberlin was a good match for the service-oriented ensemble because of its historic commitment to social justice, citing “the fact that Oberlin admitted African-Americans and women in the 1830’s, the fact that because of that it was a place that Will Marion Cook came in the 1880’s to study violin.” William Marion Cook was a Black violinist who would go on to study with famous romantic composer Antonin Dvorak and later serve as an important mentor to jazz great Duke Ellington. “I wanted the musicians to not only be good academically, but I thought that it would be very important to recognize what’s important in this world is that you have to give,” Rollins told Ideastream in February. “You have to live by the Golden Rule. Let’s say these Oberlin students repay wherever they got this great musical gift from, that’s what I always wanted to do.”

PHOTOS BY SAM SCHUMAN Conservatory Dean Andrea Kalyn said that the gift “has a singular power to demonstrate for our students the full dimension of their obligation as musicians in this world.” Rollins, now 88, is a tenor saxophone player widely considered to be one of the best living jazz musicians and one the best jazz improvisers of all time. He has played alongside musicians including Miles Davis, Charlie Parker and Thelonious Monk. Rollins’ gift also includes one of his instruments, a 1972 Selmer Mark VI tenor saxophone. Similar instruments are routinely valued at well over five thousand dollars. Ferrazza said Rollins is “not only one one of our greatest living jazz musicians but one of the greatest jazz musicians in the history of the art form.” Students in the ensemble will have their names and service recorded in the Sonny Scholar Ledger, a book displayed by the entrance to the Kohl Building. On the cover of the Ledger is a piece of advice from Rollins: “Trust that later on in life, there’s something bigger for you when you serve others.”

The Man Behind the ‘Tats a conversation with Oberlin’s newest tattoo artist BY ZOE JASPER | STAFF WRITER I sat down with Shawn Patton, owner of the recently opened Trustworthy Tattoos, to talk about his experience and interests. You can check out his bold and colorful work on his Instagram, @shawnpattontattooer. How did you become a tattoo artist? What is your experience? I always drew tattoos for friends when they were planning on getting tattooed; I learned quickly that just because you can draw it on paper doesn’t mean it’s great to go on the skin. I did that for awhile and worked a normal job, then it was suggested to me, why didn’t I tattoo? I looked into it and got a job at a studio. I ended up piercing for 3 years before I learned to tattoo. I didn’t go to art school, just 4 years of high school art. I wish I may have furthered my education, but it wasn’t necessary. I found that I had an eye for art, even if I didn’t realize the things I naturally did had names and were art devices. My strength has always been image composition. What brings you to Oberlin? I’ve always been in the area. I was born at Oberlin Allen memorial, and I graduated from Firelands High School. I was drawn back here as a business owner because of the eclectic nature of Oberlin, a wide array of businesses, people, origins. I like that it’s far from cookie cutter. What’s your favorite style or subject to tattoo? I enjoy more of a traditional americana, that being tattoos that look like tattoos: strong linework, black shading, and bright, unmuddied colors. What was your first tattoo? A very poorly tattooed band logo. It has since been covered.

“JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DRAW IT ON PAPER DOESN’T MEAN IT’S GREAT TO GO ON THE SKIN.” Trustworthy Tattoo is located on 53 South Main Street. Stop in between 11:00 and 7:00 every TuesdayThursday.

PHOTOS BY ZOE JASPER What are your other interests besides tattoo art? I enjoy art on a whole. I’ve been lucky to travel for tattooing and I always try to go to art museums when I’m visiting a city. I really enjoyed the Salvador Dalí Museum outside Tampa. History and art history have always fascinated me. I would rather go to an aquarium or museum than a sporting event. Do you have any advice to students who want to become tattoo artists? It’s a long hard road of total commitment. You should get plenty of tattoos, build a relationship with a potential mentor, and be prepared to work, work, work. The person teaching you has worked so hard to get where they are, and they will expect the same from you, because tattooing isn’t a just a job— it’s a lifelong career and lifestyle choice. You’re never “off the clock.” Your work follows you everywhere. It’s a rewarding career choice, but you only get what you put into it!

Parts Unknown: Lorain County Exploring local funtivities with your host, Ben Richman

BY BEN RICHMAN | CONTRIBUTING WRITER “I’m boreddd!! There are no fun activities driving distance from campus!!” If this sounds familiar then maybe you should check out the Lorain County Welcome Center. The eye catching sleek modern architecture was the first thing I noticed when my good friend PJ and I arrived on a dreary Tuesday afternoon. We entered into a large room filled with pamphlets and flyers cataloging all of the many trails, shops, museums and biblical reenactments Lorain County has to offer. On this campus it’s often easy to forget that there is a whole world outside Oberlin. As we gear up for the coming darkness of winter, instead of secluding yourself to your dorm, why not pester a friend who has a car and get them to explore the many funtivities (fun activities) and spots of intrigue within our local community. Taking the helm from the late Anthony Bourdain, allow me to be your tour guide

“ON THIS CAMPUS IT’S OFTEN EASY TO FORGET THAT THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OUTSIDE OF OBERLIN.” as I take you through some of Lorain county’s Parts Unknown. The first thing the women working at the front desk mentioned to us, after offering us jolly ranchers, was the Cupcake Crawl, which had unfortunately just ended. This foodie scavenger hunt spanned eight bakeries, each with their own signature flavor and a T-shirt prize for anyone who went to all eight. Luckily, however, the center is currently running a specialty cocktail trail. If you’re of age (wink wink) and have a nice friend who’s willing to be your designated driver, this classy holiday themed booze tour titled “Shaken and Stirred” is the perfect way to add some festive charm to this holiday season. The event, which runs from November 15 - January 1, includes 17 bars and restaurants each with their own signature cocktail. The specialty drinks vary from twists on classics, like the “Fall Old Fashioned” with apple brandy and walnut bitters to wacky original creations, like “The Lumber Jack” which includes bacon infused bourbon and hints of chili maple syrup. Though this cocktail crawl sadly does not have any prizes, the gift of getting drunk off of liquor that tastes like bacon is good enough for me. If getting drunk off of holiday themed booze doesn’t suit your fancy then maybe ALPACAS might! Yes, you heard me right! Our Little World Alpacas is home to 50 cute and friendly alpacas who are available to be pet and fed. The small farm located 25 minutes away can be a fun excursion for any antsy students looking to make some new furry friends who, as their website states, might “steal a kiss when you are standing around.” I can’t think of a better stress reliever than caressing alpaca fur or buying socks knit from alpaca yarn. Before recommending this funtivity I do have to repeat a warning mentioned on the website: “Be careful; an alpaca may steal your heart.” Okay, if a booze tour and alpacas don’t please you then maybe you should lighten up. I can’t do all the work. If you’re gonna be a stick in the mud then there’s not much I can do to help. But I digress... there are so many more cool places that deserve our attention. Maybe history is more your thing. Beyond our own Oberlin Heritage Center, which hosts tours of preserved homes from the 19th century, Lorain County has lots of other historical sites, which give a peek into Lorain’s past. I immediately was drawn to the dark blue pamphlet with a retro train car displayed on the front flap. I have to come clean. I love trains! They are so cool. What is not to love? But I digress… again… The L&WV Railway, Lorain County’s premier historic train line, provides scenic tours from within preserved train cars from the 50’s. The train line, originally built in 1906, gives a window into Ohio’s industrial past. This fun family activity is perfect to distract any bored younger siblings who come to visit their cool older sibling. Other honorable mentions include Jamie’s Flea Market, which is only a fifteen minute drive from campus. This extensive market has everything from antiques to groceries, along

with home made goods, collectibles, books, clothing, and anything else you might imagine. This market, open Wednesdays and Saturdays, is perfect for holiday shopping on a budget. If the materialism of the holiday season is getting you down, then maybe some of Lorain’s natural wonders can brighten your spirits. Did you know that the Lake Erie coast is home to more than 300 bird species? Lake Erie Wing Watch is a committee dedicated to promoting birding in the Lorain County area. The region from Oak Harbor to Lorain includes marshland, deep forests, natural springs, quarries, and beautiful rocky shoreline, as well as majestic and colorful birds, including bald eagles, warbles, and blue herons. Some notable birding spots in the area include Carlisle Reservation, which encompasses 1,700 acres, including a duck pond and restored wetlands. Another local hot spot is Castalia Quarry Metropark, an abandoned quarry surrounded by forests and fields, which offers views of migrating raptors and sparrows. I hope something in this brief glimpse of Lorain County peaked your interest. If not, there is a lot more information available at the Lorain County Welcoming Center and online on their website. No, I am not being paid off by the Lorain County Tourism Board. (I do get a small cut from all L&WV train ticket sales, but that’s beside the point.) It was obvious from my brief visit to the center that the people who work to organize and spread information about the many events, sites, and activities within the county truly care about everything their local community has to offer. So why not support our neighbors and do some work to appreciate the world outside our campus?

Wealthy Students Outed by Parents’ Weekend Consumption Habits BY LIZ STEWART | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Parents’ Weekend: a time when our families, like mildly confused chickens, flock to the streets of Oberlin, Ohio. For many Obies, this is either one of the most stressful weekends of the semester — avoiding parties and other nefarious activities to spend “quality time” with loved ones — or one of the best, filled with love and positive attention and fueled by parent-funded, nonStevie coffee. But, it has come to my attention that there is a special breed of Obies roaming the campus who particularly fear Parents’ Weekend for reasons that seem

unfathomable, but are, in fact, true. During these 3–4 vulnerable days of the year, their well-constructed reputations as struggling artists at Oberlin may suddenly dissolve before their very eyes. Here, I will term these individuals “stealthy wealthies.” And there are way more out there than one might expect. Spotting a stealthy wealthy can be somewhat counterintuitive. They are exceptionally good at disguising their richesse in dirt stains, workwear, and distressed denim. They hide behind their two-dollar edgy thrifted band t-shirts, tracksuits, or rainbow tube tops, crossing their fingers and praying to the literal holy spirit that nobody will suspect their deepest, darkest secret: that their parents are goddamn loaded.

Yep, this school contains heirs to some of the world’s largest fortunes. Oberlin has seen heirs to the Scotch Tape fortune, a diamond fortune, and to Microsoft (to name a few). There are also many students who are the offspring of B- and C-list celebrities, whose material wealth may be modest but are absolutely rolling in cultural capital. Regardless of the source of their wealth, most rich Oberlin students would rather die than have the full extent of their privilege revealed. So, when their affluent parents arrive at Oberlin College, clueless about the social implications of being wealthy in the postOccupy era, the nerve-wracking game of “hide the money” must commence. Unlike their children, the parents of stealthy wealthies do not know how to strategically hide the fortune they’ve worked so hard to attain. It only takes one slip of the tongue for these stealthy wealthies to be revealed — an offhand mention of the family’s country club membership or a second home in Tuscany can cause a well-to-do student’s web of disguise to come crumbling down. I interviewed Brad Bradley, a second-year at Oberlin, about a horrifying situation he experienced at a dinner at the Oberlin Hotel’s 1833 restaurant with his roommate during this insufferable weekend. He claimed that his parents, who are currently funding Lena Dunham’s new Syrian refugee TV show,

mentioned that they were going to Crocker Park to fix his broken iPhone 8 instead of attending a Parents’ Weekend event. “Yeah, it was pretty traumatizing,” he said while puffing on a cucumber flavored Juul pod. “They basically outed me. I mean, I should obviously be able to be whoever I wanna be, you know? That’s why I decided to attend Oberlin in the first place. Now everyone’s gonna know my secret. And, dude, it’s not even like I’m that rich. I received a merit scholarship for fuck’s sake! That’s basically the same thing as financial aid.” Entering the Oberlin environment is an opportunity for students like Brad Bradley to mask their inherent privilege. Parents’ Weekend ruins their opportunity to fetishize working class culture. Instead of owning up to their wealth, these stealthy wealthies try to avoid rubbing it in anyone else’s faces, and make what they believe is an admirable effort by saying that they aren’t, “like, rich rich.” They are “upper-middle class” for their white New York suburbs; they read Marx, they think he has a lot of interesting things to say. They are trying to rebel against their class privilege by hiding it. Now, Brad says, he feels embarrassed, guilty, and exposed. We followed up with Brad and asked him if he felt as though he could now mobilize his class privilege by, say, donating to bail funds or contributing to crowdfunding campaigns for trans people of color, but received no response. It can be difficult to reconcile leftist politics with having more money than god, and Parents’ Weekend can force a reckoning that might prove too much for some stealthy wealthies to handle. Thankfully, whatever activist credibility is lost through the exposure of class privilege can simply be mitigated by treating your parents like absolute shit in front of your cool new friends, and reassuring your less-fortunate friends that you’re totally going to invest your trust fund ethically.

Top Four Backhanded ‘Compliments’ My Grandma Gave Me This Thanksgiving BY RUBY ANDERSON | BAD HABITS EDITOR Like all White Anglo-Saxon Protestants, or WASPs, my grandmother is a master of the backhanded compliment. See, WASP culture is one that demands constant and relentless judgement disguised as pleasantry. Throwing shade is something she’s been training for her entire life, and as the matriarch of my family, Thanksgiving is her time to shine. And with that in mind, here are the top four backhanded compliments given to me by my grandma this Thanksgiving.

teenager! But frequently, the conflicts we’d get into would be over what I’d consider to be generational differences. For example, one time she told me that my shorts were too short, and that I was just “asking for trouble”. Once I got older, I learned to just ignore my grandma’s snide comments, and our relationship is better for it. My grandma recognizes the improvement in our relationship, and brings it up every time I see her, but not without adding how horrible I used to be!

You don’t look as bad as I thought you would!

BONUS: (to my Uncle, her son): You know, David, you sure do have a lot of opinions on fashion for someone who wears sweatpants every day.

According to my sister, my grandma began crying when heard that I’d shaved my head. My curls are a source of pride for her: a symbol of the diversification of her historically Anglo family. I’m sure she came to Thanksgiving expecting to be greeted by a bald butch troll. When she saw me, though, she immediately said that I “didn’t look as bad as she thought I would,”and “no matter what I do to my body, I will always have a pretty face.” Thanks Grandma! Can you believe she’s an honors student? She got a ‘C’ in Algebra, you know. For many years, I had undiagnosed and unmedicated ADHD, which resulted in poor school performance and many behavioral issues. Unfortunately, my grandma seems to have lost her ability to make new memories starting in 2008, so she still thinks of me as the disruptive middle schooler I used to be and never fails to express shock at my ability to do well in school.

It’s okay that you didn’t dress nicely because you helped cook all day. My grandma rolled up to Thanksgiving in her nicest Coldwater Creek sweater set. I’m not impressed by how nice she looked — it’s easy to put together a good outfit when your daily activities include downloading virus-ridden toolbars onto your desktop computer and removing cat hair from a sofa with a lint roller. I, on the other hand, was wearing jeans and my camp hoodie because I had been cooking for 6 hours, and my outfit did not meet the standard of my pearl-wearing Episcopalian grandmother.

But, she reassured me, it was okay that I looked sloppy because I’d clearly put a lot of work into my butternut squash and caramelized onion galette. And, according to my grandma, with practice, one day I will get my pie crust right. Not today, though! You are such a wonderful young woman. Which is surprising, because you were such a nasty little girl. My grandmother was one of my primary caregivers during my formative years. We would routinely clash, and I’ll admit, a lot of the times it was my fault — I was a

Let it be known: no one is immune from my grandma’s shade, and when it’s in defense of me, boy am I grateful for it. The above comment came from my grandma in response to my Uncle’s relentless critique of my appearance. My uncle David, unable to wrap his head around my shaved head, asked me if I was gay, because my shaved head made me “look gay.” After responding in the affirmative (I am, in fact, gay), he was silent for a long time. My grandma, despite being old and WASPy, is a certified gay ally and responded to my Uncle’s bigotry with one of the most epic burns of the evening. Good luck recovering from that one, Uncle Dave! -Thanksgiving is a time for food, family, and roasting the shit out of your relatives. At 82 years old, my grandmother has mastered the art of the burn. We can only hope to all be as ruthless as she is in the sunset of our lives.

BY EMMA KANG JAMES I CONTRIBUTING ARTIST

How The Signs Deal With Coming Home for Thanksgiving BY ZOE JASPER I STAFF WRITER

Aries: running over a turkey who took too long to cross the street

Gemini: shit-talking their family to their friends and their friends to their family

Pisces: baking weed into the pumpkin pie

Aquarius: trying to explain microaggressions to their racist grandma

Scorpio: weird sex with a stranger in their childhood bed Sagittarius: absolutely decimating their homophobic aunt and not giving a fuck about keeping the peace

Capricorn: shoveling the neighbors’ driveways for $500 an hour Taurus: hoarding all the wine and coffee

Leo: making a live video of their skin care regimen

Virgo: warning everyone about romaine lettuce

Cancer: sitting at the kid’s table

Libra: mediating their parents’ divorce

Worst Thanksgiving Ever: My Fucking Dog Died BY RUBY ANDERSON | BAD HABITS EDITOR I’ll go out on a limb here and say that most Oberlin students from the East Coast have had the experience of going on a long car trip back home with a group of people you only know tangentially, or not at all. I’ve mastered this social dynamic, and consider myself an expert of car small talk. In the case of this most recent trip back to the City of Brotherly Love, the driver of the car and I attended the same middle school and discussed the recent scandal surrounding our school, in which the chess coach was found to be a child molester. Yikes! About halfway through our journey home, my mom called me with terrible news: my dog, Albert, had been sick for the past few days so my mom took him to the veterinary emergency room. Turns out he had blood cancer and it was untreatable. My beloved childhood pet had to be put down. That night. Standing in line at a Popeye’s in a PA Turnpike rest stop, it took all of my strength to hold back tears. I’ve had Albert and his littermate, Clifford, since I was 10 years old. Those dogs were my best friends, and Albert is the first pet I can remember losing. Not wanting to kill the vibe of the car, I casually mentioned that my dog was terminally ill, and could I please be dropped off at the train station when we got to Philly so I could get to the animal hospital so I could watch my dog die. It was my turn to sit in the middle seat, so I put in my headphones, played some Brandi Carlile, and spent the rest of the car ride silently crying in the back seat. Upon arriving in Philadelphia, I called my Lyft to the River Styx and emotionally peered out the window during the short car ride. I looked at all the people walking their still alive dogs with disdain, thinking, “must be nice.” When I arrived at the animal hospital, my mom, dad, sister, and Albert were crammed into a tiny room, my 6’1 dad folded up around my dog, weeping. My mom holding his paw, weeping. My sister narrating the event on her snapchat

story, also weeping. Me, softly rubbing his belly, bloated from the cancer raging inside of him, weeping. After a few minutes of this, I knew that it was time for us to let him go. The doctor came in and gave him two shots, the first knocking him unconscious, and the second putting him to sleep forever. We stayed and watched his eyes close, his breath slow, and then finally, stop all together. Albert was gone. Not caring to stay longer and stare at his dead body, we left, taking two separate cars. I got in the family SUV with my dad, and the moment he got in the car, he grabbed the steering wheel and immediately started sobbing. He quickly pulled himself together, and we drove silently to the beer store, where, upon checking out, my dad shot me a look from the corner of his eyes and asked the cashier if there was a dead dog discount. My father’s interaction with the cashier is emblematic of how my family copes with things: we joke, we go through the motions, we try to move on. When we got back from the beer store, my mom had already removed Albert’s food and water bowl from the kitchen and run them through the dishwasher. My sister joked about making him into a fur coat. My mom, dad, and I recalled our fondest memories of Albert while taking bong rips. We joked about showing up to Thanksgiving dinner all wearing all black, freaking out our pet-free extended family. When asked how I managed to oversalt the mashed potatoes to the point of inedibility, I simply responded “I’m a little distracted — my dog fucking died.” Comedy and grief are two things that bring people together, and I know that laughing through our pain this weekend brought our family closer. And that’s what Thanksgiving is about. You know, besides whitewashing and erasing settler colonialism. So maybe, in a way, this wasn’t the worst Thanksgiving ever. Maybe my dog dying was the goddess’s

way of reminding my family that all things go, and we cope with things the best way we know how. And surely, we can take comfort in knowing that my dog Albert is in heaven, eating his own shit and shoving his face in Mac Miller’s crotch.