OCTOBER 14 2016

EST. 1999

OBERLIN’S ALTERNATIVE STUDENT NEWS SOURCE READ ONLINE AT THEOBERLINGRAPE.COM

October 14, 2016

Editors-in-Chief

Content Editors

Copy Editors

Web Editor

Photo Editor

Ellie Tremayne Caspian Alavi-Fllint

Hannah Jackel-Dewhurst Andy Goelzer Taylor Slay Isabel Klein

Hannah Tobin-Bloch Luke Fortney Patrick McCabe Cecilia Wallace

Caro Fernandez

Emma Webster

Production Editors Jessica Moskowitz Mikaela Fishman Leora Swerdlow Natalie Hawthorne

AN INTERVIEW WITH ELLIE AND CASPIAN Ellie: I vomited so much yesterday that I couldn’t eat until just now (6:58 pm).

She points to the pizza box. Awesome.

Ben is wearing leggings with his underwear on the outside. He is only sitting halfway on the chair holding a Grape with a “thing at oberlin� on it. “It’s just a newspaper� he says. This is true. It is a newspaper. He sits back up and continues to interview us.

BEN: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN EATING TODAY, CASPIAN YOU SAID YOU’VE BEEN EATING ALL DAY? Caspian: I’ve eaten applesauce, bananas with almond butter, a bagel, coffee, a really old harkness save plate, chocolate almond milk, a bar, a few ginger mints, and then pretzels.

BEN: DID YOU NOT HAVE FULL MEALS? Caspian: No I just had little things

“IT’S JUST A NEWSPAPER� — BEN

BEN: I GOTTA LEAVE Ellie: I feel really sick again.

BEN: I’M GONNA GO POOP Ellie: Little guys by ben mark. Ben mark’s friends.

It is unclear whether she is referencing Ben’s poops or the doodles he just made.

BEN: BUT AM I GETTING PAID FOR THIS? Ellie: No. Let the record show that Ben does not work for this newspaper.

Ellie says no to a question we are not going to print.

Caspian asks if the Ener - C packets from decafe give you energy. She has just consumed 3 in a row.

BEN: ELLIE WHAT HAVE YOU EATEN TODAY?

BEN: NO, I’M SORRY

Kameron Dunbar

COVER ART BY Octavia BĂźrgel BACK COMIC BY Gabe Shestack

INTERVIEWER: BEN MARK BEN: HOW DO YOU GUYS FEEL ABOUT THE END OF THIS MODULE YEAR 2016, WHAT ARE YOUR TRIUMPHS, WHAT ARE YOUR FAILURES?

Staff Writer

She feels cheated because this entire time she’s been waiting for the excitement to kick in.

Ben dons a headband although he is bald and leaves.

Ellie lets out a sigh. She is clicking very fast. Very very fast. “ “ “ This has been a representation of the office between the hours of 6:30 and 7:30 the night before fall break/ the night before the grape comes out. The fact that this is our letter and chief editor and chief letter for the October issue is emblematic of the academic plague that has exhausted us, and you too, throughout midterms.

Thank God its break time. Bye bye.

FINDING SPACE FOR ISLAM ON CAMPUS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A GERMAN GIRL AND A MUSLIM BOY

By Mary FIscher

Contributor

I will preface this article by clearly saying that I am not trying to make anyone feel ignorant or as if I am trying to “educate” them about the world. Time and time again, I have seen conversations about cultural differences turn sour because people feel personally attacked when you point out that they might simply be wrong in their assumptions about a culture they have not personally experienced.

In an attempt to approach cultural diversity in a positive, educational, and openminded way, I myself am ready to learn about communities that I know nothing about. I am embarking on a journey through those communities on campus, ones that only a few people know about, and that operate in their “own quiet space.”

For this issue, I talked to Hassan Bin Fahim, who is involved both in MSA (Muslim Student Association) and SASA (South Asian Student Association) here at Oberlin College.

Both MSA and SASA are relatively recent additions to the numerous student associations on campus. MSA came into being about two years ago, SASA just a little bit earlier.

MSA in particular provides a space for those identifying with the Islamic faith, regardless of race, gender, origin, and interpretation of the Muslim faith. MSA curated a prayer room in Wilder, where students can perform prayers

together, but also seek spiritual and religious reflection by themselves. The most important prayer held as a group is usually on Fridays, and is followed by a communal dinner.

One of the things Hassane noticed as a freshman, coming to Oberlin from Pakistan, was the differences in social interactions.

“My life before coming to the US was very community based, very family-centric, and I had a strong circle of friends. In America there is a very individualistic kind of society.

So, that can be really tough at first. The kind of relationship I have with my friends here is very different from the relationships I have back home. I would do everything with them, even just to go buy a shirt I would drag one of my friends along, even if they would have no reason to go with me. I would never go anywhere alone. I think here social circles are more utility driven. You wouldn’t just go buy something together if there is no reason for you to do so.”

Feeling that there wasn’t a support system for people with a similar cultural and social background as him, Hassan worked together with Rand Zalzala (from Iraq, graduated in 2016) and Samir Husain (from Pakistan, junior at Oberlin College) to make MSA an active association on campus.

They wanted to create a space where people from all over the world, but with similar beliefs and cultural identities, would

be able to share things with one another that they could not otherwise share with people on campus.

“We started building a community around our faith, which meant that we approached people from a lot of different countries on campus. It was great because we built a community of people that we otherwise might not have hung out with that much.

very important in the Muslim community.

Growing up I never did the daily prayers, but I would always go to the Friday prayer. You take a shower and put on new clothes before the prayer, then you go together with others, all dressed up fancy. So we tried to stick to that one weekly prayer here on campus. We have a small prayer room in Wilder, so that is where we will have it.”

“IN AMERICA THERE IS A VERY INDIVIDUALISTIC KIND OF SOCIETY.” There are people from Somalia, Afghanistan, Pakistan… all over.”

In terms of religious activities, Hassan leads the Friday prayer for his fellow community members. He described it as a very laid back kind of service. Usually a handful of people show up and will stay for the roughly 15 minute-long service.

“Usually you are supposed to pray five times a day. But most people don’t follow that, especially in college. If you do manage to do it, you do that in your own time, in your own place. On Fridays you are supposed to have a congregational prayer, which is

MSA, especially for those who get together on a weekly basis for prayer, is very much like a family. The number of people actively identifying as Muslim on campus is very small, but despite the small number, all of them come from very different countries and communities. All of them are involved in very different groups on campus otherwise, some even being from an American Muslim background. But what brings them together is a common faith and hence a common way of looking at life.

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Most of MSA’s programming, however, is not religiously oriented. It is more geared toward community activities and cultural programming, bringing to campus what MSA feels is common to people who grew up in countries that are considered Muslim.

For instance, this past Saturday, MSA and SASA hosted a concert of Indian and Pakistani classical music and invited the band Riyaaz Qawwali to play at the Cat and the Cream.

I personally remember a 24-hour Indian classical music festival at the Apollo a few years back.

“It is hard to quantify what exactly the cultural differences are that I feel I have with American culture. It is more just a feeling of familiarity that I have with people from similar backgrounds than me. Your cultural background just plays so much into the subconscious level of who you are, it will play

out in small jokes that you get but others might not, small comments, just the kind of familiarity that does not make you feel like you have to go out and explain things to people.”

I remember a very upsetting situation, back when the campus was shaken by the appearance of all sorts of terrible writing around campus and the upsetting “joke” of someone walking around at night dressed up in what looked like a Ku Klux Klan outfit.

We had a conversation, and I pointed out that, quite honestly, I am more upset that no one on this campus remembered that these events happened on the ten year anniversary of the USA marching into Iraq. It made me really mad that no one cared about that, despite all the frenzy on campus. I got called out as being culturally inappropriate, and was told that it was wrong for me to say that.

They said I had to understand that the pain

people were going through that day was real.

But that wasn’t at all what I was trying to say. I was not questioning the fact that people can be upset about something that I might not understand the extent of, I was merely trying to point out that on a global scale, other people had to remember that day as the one they got their house bombed in front of their eyes.

When I asked Hassan how he felt about that, he explained “as someone from a country with a lot of social and political problems, I want to identify and help marginalized communities in the states.

But sometimes it can seem as if there is no reciprocity about what is going on in your own country. You care about what is going on in the US, but do people care that there are drone strikes going on in Pakistan?

What you grew up with for most of your life is not relevant here, and that is okay and

understandable, but it is something that is easily forgotten.”

I personally would go even further, and argue that people often forget that simply being born in a country like the US is a privilege in and of itself. I most certainly feel that way about being born in Germany.

And because of that privilege, I see it as a responsibility to be mindful and respectful of cultures that I have not personally experienced or know much about, and leave room for things unknown to me when thinking about supporting cultural diversity.

At a time when many cultural stereotypes about foreign cultures, particularly Islam, keep headlining the news, I felt that it was important to shed a light on one of the smaller communities on campus that brings people from many different corners together in celebrating a culture and faith that often seems far removed from this campus.

ELECTION CONNECTION 2016 THE MEME-IFICATION OF POLITICS

By Emma Davey Contributor

Did I ever think I’d be living in a world where Hillary Clinton’s official website has a whole page devoted to Pepe the frog? I’m not fucking joking. To be honest, I never thought many things in this election would happen, chief among them the fact that Donald Trump has gotten this far. But this election has been nothing short of a clusterfuck, and I don’t think much can phase me at this point. Pepe, not to be confused with other famous frog memes such as Dat Boi, has somehow turned into a symbol of the alt-right, right under all our noses. Apparently, this was a deliberate effort on behalf on the alt-right, to reclaim him from the “normies,” which sounds like something Holden Caulfield would have said, and therefore I cannot take the alt-right seriously. Pepe, who originally stood for nothing at all but the pointlessness of the Internet, is now an officially designated hate symbol as classified by the Anti-Defamation League. It seems that the rarest Pepe of all is now an apolitical one. How the hell did we get here? How the hell is any of this happening? I believe it all has to do with what I half-jokingly call the meme-ification of politics. This also explains why it seems like every other day, we get news of the ~hip~ and ~cool~ things politicians have done. Obama slow jams the news. Michelle does carpool karaoke. Hillary Clinton just went on Between Two Ferns for goodness sake!

In an increasingly digital age, we are faced with frequent Internet involvement from respectable politicians who, even

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ten years ago, would have been hard pressed to partake in such tomfoolery. Now it’s not just ok for politicians to have a sense of humor -- it’s almost mandatory. Humor is humanizing. Humor allows politicians to connect with the general public, to show what they have in common with the “common man.” Humor in politics is certainly not a new thing, but we’ve come a long way since Richard Nixon’s awkward appearance on Laugh In. We’re even in a different place than we were less than a decade ago. Think of how different the Internet was when Obama first ran for office in 2008. Potter Puppet Pals and Charlie the Unicorn were the height of comedy. Maybe you had a Twitter account if you were in the know, but you probably just used it to report that you were bored or watching TV. There was no Snapchat or Instagram or emoji. YouTube was not yet seen as a legitimate way of having a job. But the Obama campaign seized upon this new digital frontier by heavily utilizing the Internet in groundbreaking ways, such as by finding ways to register voters and signing them up to volunteer, and by taking advantage of early social media to spread a progressive message. Remember all those will.i.am music videos? Remember will.i.am??? (Actually I am glad to not hear from Mr. i am anymore; “I Gotta Feeling” was a super annoying song).

Anyways, the election of 2008 laid the groundwork for Internet usage in the elections to come, and engaged with young

voters like never before. Using the Internet in the first place connects with young voters, but being funny through the medium of Internet appeals especially to a media-saturated demographic. There’s a certain novelty in seeing our country’s leaders do things that we do with our friends. But it’s not just millennials that politicians have found success with by being funny. Former US Secretary of Agriculture Dan Glickman has postulated that “as the American public’s views of politics and politicians has dipped to an all-time low, people want a positive leadership with positive messaging that humor can help deliver.” Now that Obama is about to leave office, I’m curious as to how the next Commander in Chief will deal with our meme-friendly culture, especially considering both presidential candidates are commonly viewed in a negative way, and have been critiqued for the occasional tone-deaf use of social media. The Donald’s tweets are frequently lambasted, while even Barack Obama has mocked Hillary’s “uncool aunt on Facebook” vibe. Neither candidate has a reputation of being particularly humorous either, though all of Hillary’s recent debate zingers signal to me not only a certain amount of badass-ness, but perhaps a catering to our short attention span, soundbite culture. Regardless, it seems that memes and politics are now strange bedfellows. I mourn the loss of Pepe, but I’ll be damned if I see anyone co-opt Peanut Butter Baby for nefarious purposes.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CALLED YOUR MOTHER? THE GRAPE INVESTIGATES

By Olive Sherman Contributor

“I want you to text me pictures, one a week,” my Mom told me on a sunny summer day in Santa Monica, while shopping for a mattress pad and other “dorm essentials” necessary for my impending departure for college. She had asked me how I wanted to communicate with her while I was at school, and I didn’t know and/or want to talk about it. I wondered, for what would be the millionth time in my pre-college experience what “normal” is for Oberlin College students… how often and in what ways do normal students communicate with their families?

To answer these questions, I conducted a survey with the help of The Grape to examine the communication habits of Oberlin College students. I created a Google poll and posted the link in each of the Oberlin class Facebook groups, yielding a total of 381 anonymous responses (33.5% first-years, 23% second-years, 25.8% third-years, and 18.7% fourth-years).

4.7% of respondents classified themselves as international stu-

dents, compared to the 7.2% of all Oberlin College students that are international (as reported on the “Fast Facts” page of the Oberlin College website).

The survey found that the average Oberlin student has short text exchanges with each of their parents a few times a week, without any kind of a pre-agreed-upon schedule. Texting, according to anonymous responses from the Google poll, is an “easier and faster” mode of communication because when schedules don’t match up, it’s a simple way to get updates from home without having to block out an hour or two. Some students also noted that because phone calls and Facetime require immediate reactions, texting can help people who “take a [long time] to process things” formulate better responses.

Phone calls and Facetime are also convenient (at 31.9% and 8.4% popularity, respectively) for students who want to be able to have more intimate conversations, because it allows

WHAT YEAR IN SCHOOL ARE YOU?

HOW OFTEN DO YOU COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARENTS?

them see their family’s faces and, in the case of Facetime talk to their cats. These modes of conversation also leave less room for miscommunication than text, email, or letters, according to one respondent. Internet-based messaging services have also proven to be a useful form of communication, especially for international students, who might otherwise experience difficulty with lack of cell service.

A couple of respondents remarked on cultural differences in communication habits. One student thought “American family ties are not strong enough,” and another noticed that their “friends who [came] from cultures that have less of an emphasis on independence… [tended] to talk with their family more often than other kids.” Most respondents (78.5%), however, expressed no dissatisfaction with how often they communicated with their parents, with 19.6% wishing they communicated with their families more, and only 1.8% wishing they communicated with their family less.

WHICH ONE OF THESE STATEMENTS DO YOU MOST IDENTIFY WITH?

HOW HAS THE AMOUNT YOU COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR FAMILY CHANGED?

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THE GRAPE

MEET OBERLIN’S HIV PEER TESTERS

By HIV Peer Testers

Contributors

Oberlin HIV Peer Testers provides FREE, confidential, and anonymous oral HIV antibody testing for Oberlin College students and the Oberlin community. We are open Sunday through Thursday from 7 to 10 pm in Wilder 308. Peer testers is a unique program that provides Oberlin students and community members with access to quick and easy HIV testing and counseling. The testing hours are walk-in, and operate on a first-come, first-served basis. With your test you’re given a short counseling session and

provided with information about other resources both on campus and in the surrounding area. After that, you will take a quick oral swab to test for HIV antibodies, and you can pick up your results as soon as the next day. This process typically takes no more than 20-30 minutes.

Knowing your status is key to caring for your health. Approximately 25 percent of HIV-positive people in the U.S. don’t know they’re infected, so getting tested regularly is a great idea. At the same time, it’s important to know that

treatment for HIV has come a long way. Today, with access to antiretroviral treatment, HIV is a manageable condition. Many people, especially those who learn their status and begin treatment early, can reduce their viral load (the amount of HIV present in their body) to an undetectable level. While being HIV positive is still stigmatized, many HIV+ people go on to lead long, healthy lives, thus breaking down that stigma.

It’s also important to know myth from fact when it comes to HIV trans-

Top row (from left to right): Rebecca, India, Bryn, Anya, Dana Bottom row (from left to right): Hannah, Hanne, Oscar, Rachel, Michael, Meredith, Kepler

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mission. HIV is transmitted through 5 fluids: blood, semen (including precum), breastmilk, vaginal fluids, and anal fluids. HIV can affect anyone regardless of sexual orientation. It’s not transmitted through mosquitos bites, or sweat, urine, spit, or tears. Practicing safer sex, knowing your own status and that of any sexual partners, and using clean needles, if needle use is a part of your life, are great ways to reduce your risk. Getting tested and picking up some safer sex supplies from HIV Peer Testers is a great place to start.

Hey! I am Michael and I use he/him/his pronouns.

I am a third year from Roanoke, Virginia, double majoring in History and Politics. In addition to peer testing, I am on the Men’s Tennis Team and I work for PRSM as a workshop facilitator. I enjoy talking about PrEP, consent in the context of both hook-up culture and relationships, partner communication, and power dynamics! Come get tested during my shift on Sunday’s from 7-8:30

Hi! I’m Meredith I use she/her/hers. I am a fourth year from Lomita, California, majoring in East Asian Studies and Geology and minoring GSFS. This is my third year testing and my second year as co-coordinator. I would love to talk to you about safer sex, STIs, barrier methods (and lube!!), stigma, and sexualized violence. Come visit me in Wilder 308 on Sundays 8:30-10:00 and Mondays 8:30-10:00!

Heya! I’m Hanne, and I like she/her/hers. I’m a second year from San Francisco, California, and will hopefully be double-majoring in CAST and GSFS. It’s my first year working as an HIV peer tester and I am thrilled about it! Outside of the clinic, I work at the Cat in the Cream, play trombone, and am a poet and treasurer with OSLAM. I love talking about queer hookup culture, transformative justice, fat liberation, active consent, and bystander intervention.

Come hang with me on Wednesday nights 7-8:30!

Ayy, my name is Kepler (He/Him/His). I’m a 4th year from the Boston area. This will be my third year as a peer tester and I love it! Besides peer testing, I’m majoring and math/biochem and really want to become an OB/GYN someday. I’ve worked with the CLEAR center for a long time as an OWLS leader and coordinator and am passionate about science education. I’m also also really into memes, but who isn’t. Come by my hours Thursday nights from 8:30-10 PM! I’m particularly interested in talking about risk awareness, peer-pressure and sex, protection methods and partner communication.

Hi, I’m Oscar (they/them/theirs)! I’m a libra from the Boston area. I’m a second year, and when I’m not peer testing I am working at the ‘Sco, tending to my plants, or playing with my pet rats. I love talking about sex, access to public health, and the politics around HIV stigma. Come let me test you on Sundays, from 8:30-10!

Hi, I’m Hannah J-D and I use she/her/hers! I’m a third year Neuroscience major from Rochester, NY. Outside of Peer Testers, I work as a staffer at the Sexual Information Center, as a PRSM trainer, and as Features Editor of The Grape. I also work at the Wilder Information Desk, so I have a lot of opinions about which bathrooms in the building are the best. Come by Mondays from 8:30-10 to hang out/ eat snacks/get tested! I’m especially passionate about consent, power dynamics, bystander intervention, boundaries, contraceptives, and community care, but feel free to talk to me about anything!

Hey friends! I’m Rebecca and I use they/them/ theirs. I’m a third year from Philly (woooo), majoring in Anthropology and minoring in Creative Writing and Jewish Studies. This is my second semester testing, and my first semester solo! When I’m not testing, you can find me working for OSCA, watching Steven Universe, drawing comics, and gently caressing my plants. If you come in during my shift (Tuesday 7:00-8:30) we can talk about barrier methods, consent, safer sex practices, and the history and stigmas of HIV. Drop on by!

Hey! I’m Bryn (she/her/hers) and I’m a fourthyear GSFS and History major/Politics minor from Poolesville, MD. Outside of Peer Testing, I work as a Career Center Peer Advisor and am a part of the Student Senate sexualized violence working group. Some of my favorite topics include healthy communication, comprehensive sexuality education, reproductive justice, power dynamics, and contraception. I also enjoy swimming, hummus, and 2000s pop punk. Come visit me this semester on Thursdays from 7-8:30!

Hi! I’m India (she, her, hers), and I’m a third year psych major from the Boston area. When I’m not peer testing, you can find me facilitating PRSM trainings, eating in Pyle Coop, or doing sex education for preteens at the UU church in town. My hobbies include cracking my knuckles in very quiet rooms, pretending to be good at long boarding, and drinking tea when it’s too hot. Come to my testing shifts Tuesday from 8:30-10pm where you can get tested and talk about anything that’s on your mind!

Hello I’m Rachel, I use she/her/hers, and I am a third year Politics /History minor from Lexington, Massachusetts! This is my second year testing and my first year as co-coordinator. When I’m not peer testing, you can catch me staffing the SIC, or most likely eating oatmeal. I especially love talking about consent, various birth control methods, the politics of reproductive and sexual health, abortion, lube, and much more. Come visit me Tuesdays 8:30-10:00 with India and Wednesdays 7:00-8:30 with Hanne.

Hi! I’m Anya and I use she/her/hers. I am a second semester third / fourth year Anthropology Major with a minor in GSFS. I am from Brooklyn, New York and just got back from being in Amsterdam where I was doing research on HIV and stigma. I love talking about PrEP and PEP, harm reduction, community care, and queerness and how it relates to Public Health! My other interests include dogs, soccer, compulsively organizing my iTunes library, and biking! Come say hi on Wednesdays from 8:30-10.

Hi! I’m Dana, and I like she/her/hers. I’m a fourth year CAST major /GSFS minor from New York. In addition to being a Peer tester, I am also a staffer at the SIC, a PRSM trainer, and am co-chair of the Student Health Working group. I love talking about power dynamics (in contexts sexual and non-sexual), student wellness on our campus, community responses to sexualized violence, preventative methods such as PeP & PrEP, and harm reduction! Feel free to come by Monday 7-8:30pm and get tested and/or chat!

WHAT IS JAZZ FORUM?

SEE FOR YOURSELF ON FRIDAYS AT 12:15 PM AT THE CAT IN THE CREAM

By Caro Fernandez Web Editor

For everyone in Oberlin that doesn’t have a reason to enter the Kohl Building, the jazz forum is a source of mystery. Is it an actual thing? What goes on there? Is it actually just a cover for our own secret beatnik society? I went to the forum last Friday with the hope to answer these questions.

In its most basic sense, It’s a place where jazz kids can jam out for their friends in the Oberlin community. I’ve never been very musically inclined, give or take my stint with the violin in middle school, but I have always enjoyed listening to some good jazz. So I figured, huh, I don’t have class at 12:15 on a Friday, might as well culture myself and head over to the Cat for the ambience, cookies, and some sexy sounds. First off, there are approximately zero people there that haven’t taken Jazz Improvisation I. Secondly, the male to female ratio is incredibly disheartening.

There are usually about three women in there- including myself and the only two

OCTOBER 14, 2016

women in Oberlin’s jazz department.

Different groups go up on stage and play some original pieces or classic jazz standards, resulting in really unique sounds and a captivated audience. The real kicker though is, after every set, they open the floor as a forum for discussion.

People in the audience are able to give their opinions on the performance. And give their opinion they do. I was struck by how honest people were with the musicians—and by people, I mean men.

After the forum, I chatted with Hanne Williams-Baron about the jazz community here at Oberlin and in general, the forum, and jazz as an art form.

She mentioned that practicing jazz in an academic setting is “the total opposite of the roots of jazz,” which has made jazz susceptible to being taken advantage of by those with power in that setting— white men. Jazz has become a “boys club” where it is about “who can outplay each other” rather than emphasizing and

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embracing the roots, history, and culture of the art. Many of times, jazz at Oberlin is, as Williams-Baron said, “white boys not thinking critically about what they are playing and how they are playing it,” and this is something the Oberlin music community should be more aware of.

“HEAD OVER TO THE CAT FOR THE AMBIENCE, COOKIES, AND SOME SEXY SOUNDS”

“You can’t fake soul,” Williams-Baron said, and you can’t disagree with that.

The jazz forum really is an incredible space where musicians can get constructive criticism on the way they play, how they interact with other musicians, and their stage presence.

It’s an informal space full of admirers of jazz munching on their Decafe sandwiches or Cat cookies. Generally speaking, it’s great that here at Oberlin we have such a supportive community for our musicians. That being said, in the musical spaces on campus it is difficult for woman and people of color to find a proper outlet for their voices—especially the jazz forum. We, as a community,need to be hyper aware of the history and culture tied to the music we play and discuss, and make sure to create an outlet for respectful and academic open discourse.

ARTIST SPOTLIGHT: SHANI STRAND

DISCUSSION ON ART, THEORY, & LIFE

By Caspian Alavi-Flint Co-Editor-in-Chief I wanted to interview Shani because so many people had told me how articulate she was, how well she knows how to speak about her work and when talking with her, I found all this to reign true. Shani and I met in the Art building for an interview. She showed me some of her work she had made last year and ended up reading a part of an artist statement, one that she called “heavily enigmatic.” It became clear to me that she wasn’t kidding when she says she incorporates writing into her Visual Art. She’s seriously good at it. The Artist Statement, besides being abstract as far as statements go, reads almost like a piece of prose poetry. From talking with her, I got the sense that not only is she incredibly well spoken, but that she reads a lot and makes an effort to incorporate her interest in theory into the various mediums of her work.

Here’s what we talked about: CASPIAN: Can you describe what you do as if you are talking to someone who couldn’t see it?

SHANI: I don’t really work in one singular medium. What I am trying to focus on is installation work that uses a combination of sculpture, video, and text to create installations that focus around this some idea. I use those mediums to create singular objects that could constitute themselves as part of an installation but can also stand alone.

Last year I did a lot of work that was focused on the failure of communication.

C: Oh, like the piece you had in Storage!

S: Yeah. That piece focused on my personal anxieties, like body anxiety, reading anxiety, language anxiety, and theory anxiety.

And then I did a sculptural piece in the basement of Hales that was a series of objects. I titled it “Do You Feel Contained?

Just Barely” with a hanging text piece and a box that was filled with my Dad’s hair.

I have been working on, getting towards a certain alienation or illegibility of my work.

Which I am trying to negotiate.

This year I am trying to focus on this feeling of dislocation, mis-location, and nonsite.

I Definitely use this lense of blackness but I am really trying to connote, or maybe just put simply, through my own lens, dislocation to blackness and other embodiments.

C: You’re an English major as well?

S: Yeah.

C: Do you think that influenced the way text overlaps with your art?

S: Yeah, I do creative writing, kind of, I guess you’d call it that. Writing is a very large part of my art practice. But in a very specific way, I hate the english department, I really dislike it, I dislike most things, well not dislike, but I am not interested in those readings. I am very interested in literary theory and

became, like, coded. It’s just funny. I would never give this as my artist statement but I just had to hand something in. I have a hard time talking about myself.

C: I want to hear it, the thickest part.

S: I think I was trying to make it not thick towards the end. I mean like I don’t even think this is true. “How to read a body is

INSTALLATION “DO YOU FEEL CONTAINED? JUST BARELY?” VIDEO STILL “HOW TO READ”

how it blends into cultural theory and Africana Studies. This school of thought, Afro-Pessimism, which might be kinda trendy right now, but I think it’s a movement forward in thoughts that engages with Black Performance Theory and Afrofuturism, maybe a little more realistic, maybe a more resonant language. I wish I was an Comp. Lit major.

We had to write an artist statement for Johnny’s class and my thing was the most enigmatic thing ever and nobody commented on it.

C: Like too theory heavy?

S: Yeah. It started out theory heavy but then

here, an absent body, I silently break things, forcing a re-construction, I am interested in reading, re-reading and rereading etc… I want to look at difference… discrepancies, gaps, holes, gaping holes...sometimes I fill these holes in efforts to find out how their presence reads in their absence...explore fragments that unfold and once expose… etc..”

C: It’s so lyric!

S: I definitely read an insane amount of black performance theory. I’ve been using this this word I just learned this year, fungi-

bility, which relates to the commodification of black bodies, a lot.

C: NOW DO YOU FEEL LIKE A JADED SENIOR OR “FULL OF HOPE?” S: I am pretty pessimistic but I’ve been pessimistic since the 7th grade. Something kicked in, my depression, (laughs). My mental health issues kicked in. But I think I am doing good now. I am excited about things. I am also pretty angry. I think my work, especially last year and previously, has been pretty quiet and I am trying to figure out how to incorporate elements like that but make my work loud and unapologetic.

I also remember being a first year student walking into Johnny’s Talking Book class and having this vision of Oberlin. My first year was like bliss, I didn’t really participate in a lot of Oberlin social scenes. All these seniors were just distressed and wanted out. Now it’s my senior year and I do love Oberlin but I don’t want to be here. I miss home, I miss a different demographic that home is, A different population of people.

This liberal white quirky haven has kind of hurt me. My relationship with the arts on this campus has been very cathartic but I have a weird painful relationship with my identity construction; the way that I feel and the way other people construct my identity. This little bubble of a space—it forces people to perform within it.

I definitely think there are aspects of hope and excitement, I just don’t know how centered they are on Oberlin.

C: Your work seems very intimate, or at least in that photo of the hales piece you did, it struck me as being so close to your self.

S: Yeah. I don’t know if these ones will be as intimate. I am trying to make a two part series zines that will accompany things. Certain aspects will be intimate and certain aspects will be more of a dense collage of signifiers that people might not actually register, I don’t know how my awareness of that is functioning into me changing them as objects.

It’s the beginning of the year, I am working things out. I am definitely really psyched.

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THE GRAPE

ALBUM REVIEW:

A SEAT AT THE TABLE

SOLANGE KNOWLES’ NEW RELEASE

By Octavia Burgel Contributer The cover of A Seat at the Table says it all. Solange Knowles defiantly stares down the camera, her hair punctuated with flat hair clips. Rather than pressed, braided or hidden in any way, her natural hair falls down to her shoulders- its freedom a statement in itself. The album doesn’t hesitate. The first song “Rise” starts low and leads the listener through a series of discordant harmonies. Each word gradually forms a message to the audience “fall in your ways/ so you can crumble/ fall in your ways/ so you can sleep at night”. It is a gentle reminder to be true to oneself, to fail honestly, from someone with experience.

Solange spent four years thinking, experiencing, curating and writing A Seat at theTable. The songs, all backed by either industrial drum and bass beats or more instrumental, jazz influenced sounds guide us through a prolonged period of self-exploration. Songs like “Weary” and “Borderline (An Ode to Self Care)” give us insight into Solange’s emotional standing when she wrote them. The album is interspersed with commentary from her parents and Master P, the latter seems to be an odd choice until his tale of independence, working hard and wealth has spun itself. It is clear that he is a major source of inspiration to Solange, enough for her to share his words with an audience in the hopes that he can help us too.

A Seat at the Table and the videos that were released shortly afterwards reflects multiple contradictions. The unbelievable cast of collaborators that worked on the album were able to create a sound that mixes R&B with Indie Rock. Devonte Hynes, Sampha, Q-Tip, Kelly Rowland, Lil Wayne as well as David Longstreth of Dirty Projectors and David

OCTOBER 14, 2016

Andrew Sitek of TV on the Radio are all cited as having contributed. This contrast, however, does not stop with production. Throughout A Seat, Solange’s voice, bright and sweet, plays against the heavy drum beats laid beneath it.

In the videos, muted visuals of her and her undeniably beautiful squad of black friends all dressed in flowing clothing counteract stark imagery of rock formations and empty rooms.

A Seat feels perfectly current in so many ways. Conversations about touching our hair, self-care and finding safe spaces in music have never had their time to shine the way they do now. Solange does not hide her struggles with mental health, rather she makes them the focal point of this record. Mental health is an issue so frequently ignored in the world but especially in black communities. In modern America, it feels like we cannot go a week without hearing another devastating account of a black person killed violently, unjustly and unnecessarily. The advent of the internet and the constant circulation of images of our dead and dying brethren mark this as an era where discussions about Black mental health are particularly necessary.

Track four, “Cranes in the Sky” is a heartbreakingly honest account of pain and recovery. The instrumentation is simple and Solange tries to keep her lyrics light singing “thought a new dress would make it better”, but the implications are so much deeper, this is a song about suffering in a nation that refuses to acknowledge your legitimacy.

If her blackness is still being questioned by track 13, Knowles lays any suspicions to rest with F.U.B.U. In her sweet falsetto she boldly sings “all my niggas in the whole wide world/ this shit is for us” and even adds “don’t feel bad

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if you can’t sing along” in case white audience members didn’t get the message.

This has been an incredible year for black women. Three groundbreaking albums; Beyoncé’s Lemonade, Noname’s Telefone and Princess Nokia’s 1992 talk about black femininity and motherhood openly, candidly and unabashedly. Not to mention the recognition of three black women—

“CONVERSATIONS ABOUT TOUCHING OUR HAIR, SELF-CARE AND FINDING SAFE SPACES IN MUSIC HAVE NEVER HAD THEIR TIME TO SHINE THE WAY THEY DO NOW.” Joyce J. Scott, Claudia Rankine and Kellie Jones—as MacArthur Fellows, the airing of Ava DuVernay’s Queen Sugar and the unprecedented number of Black women who took home medals at this summer’s Olympic games have made 2016 a remarkable year for the recognition of Black women’s achievements. This environment has created the perfect framework for the release of A Seat at the Table and Solange timed it just right. If the drop of her big sister’s Lemonade earlier this year is a “love letter to black women”, A Seat at the Table is the purest expression of love itself. It is a warm hug, a nudge of encouragement and a send-off.

WHAT ARE WE BINGE-WATCHING? HELIX, SEASON 1

By Max Robinson Contributer

Helix is a nod to the silver age of science fiction formula: There are some scientists, there is some problem, and the scientists are going to science the shit out of whatever that problem is until it either goes away or the network pulls the plug. In this case said scientists are a team of CDC doctors and the problem is a zombie virus. Not really a zombie virus in the traditional sense, but it does turn your blood oily black and drive you to taste test your coworkers. Oh, and there’s something sinister going on, but there’s always something sinister going on.

From the start the show establishes clear goals for itself, even if those goals are just to copy better works of science fiction.

The majority is set in a generic arctic research base with a rotating lineup of infected cannon

fodder running around chewing on the cast, while a team of scientists spew vague techobabble hovering over a microscope racing against the clock to figure out first what’s infecting everyone, and then how to cure it.

When the show sticks to its formula, it does so really well. The characters are a mixed bag, but overall more hits than misses, and the bad characters’ screen time is limited. The arctic base feels incredibly claustrophobic at times, and the weight of the isolation really begins to take a toll on the psyche of the cast. It takes about 20 minutes with a given character before it becomes apparent that they’re almost completely unhinged.

Structurally, the plot suffers from the excess of side plots, most of which falls under that category of the aforementioned “Sinister Shit”.

A good chunk of each episode is spent trying to either set up or push along some kind of overarching plot point about either a corporate or government conspiracy which end up just being a distraction from what could have otherwise been a clean sci-fi medical mystery.

Towards the end of the show however, the side plots collide into what can only be described as the perfect shitstorm. For most of the show you can tune the “Sinister Shit” out, but by episode 9 they drop a bombshell that absolutely demolishes the plot, and turns the last few episodes into a mindless slog of garbage exposition and ridiculous twists. The show goes almost off the rails entirely at the drop of a dime, doing a complete 180 from its silver age sci-fi roots and moonwalking into what feels like a different show entirely.

All and all, Helix is a decent sci-fi story suffering from a bloated side plot. The obvious pro to binge watching Helix is that it cuts down on some of the fluff and padding.

The down side to bingeing the show is that it doesn’t really allow for the weight of each episode to settle. Helix is the kind of show that could have benefited from friends getting together to speculate about the plot between episodes, or to pour one out whenever our new favorite character gets picked off.

Overall, I’d give it 3/5 overdue papers.

Serious props for its silver age sci-fi roots and tightly focused beginning, loses some points for a clusterfuck of an overarching plot and absolutely mind numbing ending.

WOBC PLUG: CH-CH-CH-CHANGES!

MONDAYS FROM 6-7 AM

By Olivia Millar and Maddeline Schwartz Contributors

Olivia Millar (‘20) and Madeline Schwartz’s (‘20) early Monday morning radio show “Ch-ch- chchanges!” (named after the 1971 David Bowie lyric) explores music that changed the lives of the people they care about.

Consisting half of music and half of talk, Millar (a.k.a. DJ Twink) and Schwartz (DJ Transplant), ask their guests to choose musicians, albums or songs that were somehow significant to their lives and to talk about them on air. Millar and/or Schwartz’s guests are people they have met and are interested in learning more about.

Millar was a DJ at home for four years and was always interested in pursuing this project as a way to learn about people they didn’t know. They told Schwartz about their idea after a WOBC introductory meeting they both went to and the two applied for a show together. “Ch-ch- ch-changes” airs on Monday mornings from 5:00—6:00 a.m., but if you don’t want to have to wake up early to listen, you can access recordings from their show on Soundcloud at: https://soundcloud.com/ch-ch- ch-changes

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THE GRAPE

OBERLIN ELITISM

WE’RE ALL PERFORMING IN A CULTURE OF UNREALITY

By Taylor Slay Commentary Editor

I always felt like there was something unrealistic about this place... My recent experiences at other college campuses and my fellowship with students from other campuses have confirmed my suspicions of the culture perpetuated by the Oberlin College community. I believe that Oberlin has fostered an environment of elitism that values a specific type of student experience and goals while neglecting and exacerbating those of others. These conditions not only help to produce disadvantages for students of color and those who have lower income by placing them in a climate that does not reflect their values nor adequately support them; they also produce delusion among middle to upper class students and white students and faculty who don’t identify with the contrasting experience of their marginalized peers and therefore can’t properly analyze and critique their own implicitness in the hierarchy of Oberlin and the United States.

I’ve spent some time on a few different college campuses lately and there are schools that do a much better job that Oberlin at assessing the potential needs of their students and attempting to meet

OCTOBER 14, 2016

them. At Lorain County Community College’s Main Campus they offer day care services; a plethora of department based, ability-focused, non-traditional student, and community activism scholarships; online textbook sales and price comparison service on Blackboard, and more. The few resources and services I’ve mentioned have not only been offered but are proudly displayed, and the offices dedicated to providing these services provide information that is accurate and mobilizing. At Oberlin, the Title IX department (which is federally responsible for addressing the concerns of students, staff, and faculty on sex discrimination and harassment) was unable to offer the Edmonia Lewis Center information about the resources for parenting students and faculty that are available through the school or within the community. The efforts behind the Oberlin Undocumented Student Fund are made by concerned students and lack the structural and financial backing that the college fails to provide; administratively, Oberlin’s financial aid regulations are in a cloudy haze that allows the school to hold an unrealistic view of what meeting

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“100% financial need” looks like for most students who apply for it. Why is it that both of these schools are federally required to meet the anti-discrimination needs of

“A TRULY DIVERSITY-

COMMITTED HIGHER LEARNING INSTITUTION WILL ENCOURAGE SUPPORTING THE DIVERSE REALITIES OF EVERY STUDENT, NOT JUST THOSE CHARACTERISTICS THAT ALIGN WITH WHITENESS AND CAPITALISTIC WEALTH.” their students, but they don’t provide the same resources for their campuses? You can act like you don’t know, but Oberlin determines where they put their money before they consider how the community is affected.

Thanks to Oberlin’s private funding, they can prioritize a multi-million dollar athletic complex over day care services in an attempt to dissuade who they determine “a certain type” from applying to and attending Oberlin College.

Unfortunately, this is a huge oversight on their part as to the realities of the students on this campus and only adds to the negative experiences of the students who do choose to go to this school despite their intersectional realities. Imagine an Oberlin-native student hosting an event on campus while having family members and friends who either are or aren’t aware that they are listed on the No-Trespass List.

Unfortunately, Oberlin College doesn’t have extensive efforts to even obtain Oberlin-native attendees and professorial faculty, because frankly, this school does not what that demographic of students to proliferate on this campus. That presence would disturb the overwhelmingly white and wealthy culture. I mean come on, we have to pay, take out loans, maintain multiple jobs, and apply for as many scholarships as possible to pay this school upwards of $66,000 in tuition and fees???

I don’t know about you, but I want to CONTINUED ON FOLLOWING PAGE

CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGE see that money go toward the benefit of the neglected needs people have on this campus and implementing a more conscious ideology in this campus’ culture.

It’s not enough for the administration to brag that they produce political activists on this campus, but don’t account for recognizing and meeting real diverse needs and attaining social justice. The services and resources they have are offered with an assumed product of liberal equality for all students to partake in, but the reality of diversity--as Eduardo BonillaSilva discussed in his talk “The Diversity

diversity-committed higher learning institution will encourage supporting the diverse realities of every student, not just those characteristics that align with whiteness and capitalistic wealth.

In order to bring awareness to the support we as members of the Oberlin College community need, we must be vocal about the shortcomings and mishandlings of the college and stand in the gap for each other when we’ve been mistreated in the absence of adequate resources. We reside in a country where the majority of efforts made by governing

Blues: Reframing the Diversity Agenda at HWCUs” on Thursday night, October 6th--the ideologies and processes of all departments, interactions,and services should reflect the ideologies and findings of anti-oppression research and activism.

This might result in services on campus that aren’t useful to, valued by, or available to white and wealthy students and staff.

This will result in Black and brown people, as well as lower income members of our community, being supported by the school in whichever way they come to access Oberlin education. A truly

bodies to control and placate the masses are implicit in the policies and practices that discriminate against entire groups of the population based on what that powerabusing party approves as what and who matters or doesn’t. We’ve got to build our knowledge and our resources outside of these puppet institutions if we want to become empowered. As we work on recreating a more reliable community, we can gain supportive strategies and grasp the real goals of sustaining our diversity and changing the model of the college institution.

TINDER AND CONSENT

By Dana Kurzer-Yashin and Ellie Tremayne

Contributor & Co-Editor-In-Chief

1. IF YOU MATCHED IT LITERALLY someone from Tinder is coming over up. Communication is not just a check you respect, people are more likely to be to your room late at night this does not box, it is essential, and at the center of conscious of the consequences of their DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING

Sorry but people use Tinder in very different ways. Some people swipe right on everyone they know! Some people are looking for friendships and to meet new people. Some people are just bored. Sometimes you swipe right by accident! Yes obviously there are people on Tinder that are just looking for ‘casual hookups’ (however you may define that), but it is wrong to assume that that is everyone’s intention. It is the same as in real, offline life that just because you think someone is cute, have a crush on them, or they think you are cute, it does not mean you are entitled to getting anything from them (their time, body, or attention).

mean hooking up is inevitable.

all things romantic/sexual/otherwise.

Just because you have the “right language” to talk about consent doesn’t 3. CONSENT IS NOT IMPLICIT Even if someone is coming over and mean ANYTHING if your actions are they have expressed the intention of not reflecting that. ‘hooking up’, this does not mean that you have implicit consent, or things 5. JUST BECAUSE YOU OFFER TO are going to go the way you want SMOKE SOMEONE UP OR GIVE them to or imagine. You still need to THEM ALCOHOL DOESN’T MEAN be granted full (whether verbal or non- YOU GET SHIT ! verbal) consent for every single act! It Lmao is especially important with someone you don’t know to check-in verbally 6.COMMUNTY ACCOUNTABILITY ON because it is especially hard to read TINDER IS COMPLICATED the body signals of someone you don’t In general at Oberlin when someone know. is approaching someone they are interested in –whether it be at a party, 4. SMALL TALK IS NOT A CHORE in public, after class, etc.– they are

2. IF YOU TALK ABOUT MEETING UP THAT ONCE YOU COMPLETE YOU usually aware that they situated within a GET TO FUCK community of friends or acquaintances.

IT DOESN’T MEAN IT IS FOR SEX Again, people use dating apps for different reasons. Making the assumption that someone saying they would like to meet up, regardless of time of day or if it is the weekend, means they are implying something sexual is straight up incorrect. Even if

Recognizing people’s comfort level and the need to communicate is not a step that you need to get over in order to make sex happen. The idea that you would only want to communicate with someone just enough in order to be able to hook up with them is fucked

actions and how they may affect the entire community.

On the flip side of this no one is going to be monitoring or watching what someone does on Tinder or other dating apps.

People can become nebulous elements on Tinder, especially if you have never seem them in real life before. This makes community accountability complicated, meaning it lessens the pressure to be accountable for one another in thinking of being apart of a community.

Editor’s Note: If you have thoughts about this piece or would like to ever talk about experiences with Tinder ( or anything else) on this campus Dana & Ellie have office hours together 4-6 every other Thursday in the Seuxal Information Center (Wilder 203). Also feel free to email thegrape@ oberlin.edu with any and all thoughts or concerns.

It is a pretty depressing truth that people are more likely to be aware of their actions when they know that other people in their community are going to be able to see what they are doing. This is not to say that policing people’s actions results in less harm!! The point here is that when surrounded by friends and those

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THE GRAPE

HOW TO CUM ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S MY ZOLOFT

By Katie Ryan O’Flaherty Contributor

Writing this as neither a glorified sex goddess nor antidepressant expert has its challenges — but, being my stubborn self, I have chosen to forge ahead regardless. This is for those of you with vaginas who have (like me) experienced the unbelievable horror of what I like to call “clitoral rug burn.” Or, for anyone who has experienced a painfully boring 40 minutes of unsuccessful head, and have had to flippantly end the transaction by simply using the phrase: “I’m on (insert SSRI here).” (Although it is a fantastic excuse for getting out of bad head.) Consider this a service for all of my numb clits out there from an empathetic vagina.

1. First off, unless you’re in a deliciously committed relationship (congrats, I’m jealous) — it’s likely you’ll be going it alone. PREP YOUR TOOLS: hands, vibrator, weird iphone app that can make your phone vibrate (wash that shit before and afterwards) — all must be lubed. If

you don’t have lube, don’t try any DIYs. And definitely don’t put moisturizer anywhere near anything that will touch your vulva.

2. Maybe it’s just that any vanilla porn you may be watching has ceased to work. My advice is to take this time to explore the deepest, darkest depths of internet porn (moral equations aside, figuring out your kinks can be a great way to get past the orgasmic plateau). Find out if you have a thing for anal! Bondage! Triple penetration! Anime! Orgies! Bestiality! Chicks wearing spider masks! All options are open to you. The best part, given your current situation, is you likely won’t cum from any of it — saving you from post porn-binge guilt! Still, it’s good to know these things about yourself.

3. After finding the dirtiest, longest, warehouse porn video you can muster, (anything less than 25 minutes is simply not going to cut it — but who am I kid-

ding, you knew that already) begin.

4. Let the lube flow. Heck, go through the whole bottle if you have to! THIS IS YOUR TIME. Dryness is the enemy of fun.

Here’s where we get to the choose your own adventure part…

1. If your problem was fixed simply by fisting the depths of your sexual psyche: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU DID IT. 2. If, as usual, the feeling that your clit bruising precedes actual orgasm — please stop, we need to bump it up a notch.

3. So, if you go on Amazon there are these anal lube-shooters that you can buy for about $15 a pop - they’re supposed to numb your rectum for hard anal but they work like a charm for masturbating through any chafing/bruising sensations you may have. I don’t know how you feel

about putting numbing agents on your fish lips, but baby, shit works. ** Disclaimer - I tried this once, in a fit of desperation and couldn’t feel my labia for three days. Still haven’t decided whether the relief of sexual frustration outweighed any potential harm done to my fuzzy clam — but I was a satisfied customer. I CLAIM NO MEDICAL EXPERTISE but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Unfortunately this concludes my tried and tested tips for you, as this is an evolving saga for me as well. But dear reader, I wish you luck on all your orgasmic endeavors. Have a nice day, and please wash your hands.

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THE GRAPE

15 FALL ACTIVITIES FOR COUPLES (OR US SINGLE PEOPLE)

By Jordan Joseph Contributor

1. Go apple picking at Hillcrest Apple Orchard in Amherst and gift an apple to your special someone, only to discover (after they bite into it) that the one you so lovingly handselected for them also houses a worm.

2. Jump in a pile of leaves and realize soon afterwards that ticks also had the idea to play in a pile of leaves for fall. Consequently, play a sexy game of pick-the-ticksoff your S.O. 3. Carve pumpkins and break down crying when you think about how your parents were never home to carve pumpkins with you.

4. Go trick-or-treating and have adults stare at you wearily as they hand you the packets of pretzels the kids don’t want. Stand there sadly in your Spider-Man costume that no longer fits.

5. Watch The Shining and snuggle on your twin xl mattress with that special person as you attempt to quell their fears. Then, when Jack Nicholson says, “Here’s Johnny,” promptly roll off of the bed onto your floor that’s carpeted in such a way that it doesn’t pad your landing at all.

6. Go for a walk in a corn maze (because they’re f*cking everywhere in Ohio) and, after traversing two hundred yards of cornfield, realize that it’s getting dark and that you and your S.O. left your phones in the car. You and your fall crush should then try to gauge your location by triangulating the cornfield using the constellations. Your understanding of where Orion’s belt is from that Intro to Astronomy class is suddenly really helpful now. Thanks Dan Stinebring! (Didn’t take ASTR 100 yet, but I can dream.)

7. Kiss under rainfall so as to enjoy the weather before snow comes (and rain kisses in general). Joke’s on you: it’s already 40 degrees out because it’s Oberlin and you’ve both contracted pneumonia. On the bright side, you’ll endure the same struggle as our potential future president.

8. Go through a haunted house that has strobe lights before realizing that strobe lights are definitely not your thing. In fact, strobe lights cause you to spasm uncontrollably.

9. Drink hot apple cider, only to wish that it was Angry Orchard. Ruminate and realize that you actually wish it was Bold Rock because that stuff is even better than Angry Orchard.

10. Enjoy a hayride in the moonlight and return home with red scaly rashes all over your arms. You’re allergic to hay.

Quit horsin’ around.

11. Go to an Oberlin College football game and cheer loudly before hearing the echo of your own cheers. You’re the only fans there. They lose miserably.

12. Decorate your off-campus house with cotton cobwebs only to attract a lonely brown recluse spider. The spider crawls onto your arm and its venomous bite sends you to the hospital for the second time that week. You had just recovered from your bout of pneumonia.

13. Roast s’mores and light a marshmallow on fire. You try to snuff out the fire by eating it to be cool. You burn your mouth.

14. Lay under a tree and stare up at the beautiful red and yellow leaves as they drift slowly to the ground. Blink blearily as a supposedly nonexistent albino squirrel pummels your forehead with acorns.

15. Watch It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. I’m not kidding -- it’s a quality flick.

FINDING YOURSELF ABOVE SUBWAY YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX. MAYBE? DEFINITELY.

By Caro Fernandez Web Editor

It’s 10pm on a Friday and you are going to get laid.

Hey, it’s below 70 degrees (and somehow that matters to you). Your face is relatively clear of zits. You take a look at your underwear and spot not one period stain, score! And best of all, your roommate is spending the night at a friend’s dorm. Anything can happen tonight, the night is young. At the pregame in your friend’s dorm, between sips of the finest Franzia, you open Tinder because you are a strong, independent woman in charge of her own sexual destiny (!!!!). After three minutes, you remember exactly where you are situated in America. Ohio. Rural Ohio. You promise yourself if you see one more picture of a boy holding a large, dead fish then you’ll log out of the app. Todd holding a Marlin is spotted, and you put your phone down.

When a friend of yours receives a text saying that there is something going on above Subway, three things came to mind:

OCTOBER 14, 2016

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1 Boys will be there!

2 ;) 3 Are there even marlins in Ohio??

There is a huge crowd of people gathered in front of that wooden door, and you can’t help but think, “Damn I’m tired.” Snap out of it! No! You didn’t put on your good underwear to be tired! Why tonight, of all nights, do you feel the pressure to hook up with someone in your room?

Just because your roommate is out of town? Is your sex drive now fully reliant on your roommate and her location?

You find yourself climbing up the stairs into the apartment, and being bombarded by the same faces, wearing the same clothes, in the same place on a Saturday. You think about all the movies you have queued on your Netflix and how you really--no! You just need an outlet for your week’s worth of pent-up sexual frustration. You just want to have sex. You had a rough week. This is what you need. Right?

Wrong. What you really, truly need is some you time.

The Spotify playlist hooked up to the speaker starts to take a turn for the worse, and you decide to bolt. Your heart fills with excitement as you imagine how your night will soon evolve.

“Fuck men,” you whisper to yourself as you hit play on the Cheetah Girls in Barcelona album.

You take the hottest pictures of you in your nice-ass underwear in between mouthfuls of those pretzel sticks your mom sent you. You look over to your bedside table and see the bowl of condoms that the more emboldened, sober you had prepared “just in case ;)” You add in some pretzel sticks for some sexy trail mix. Hell yeah! Early 2000s Raven-Symoné plays fervently out of your iPhone’s broken speaker, but you can’t really hear her over the crunching of the pretzels you are chewing on.

Thirty seconds after you decide to stop being such a cliché, you take off all your clothes and lay in bed with that weird ass movie with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman????

The next morning, you regret nothing.

PEN15 CLUB: MUJI .38 GEL PEN

By Juan Manuel-Pinzon Contributor

Let’s get back to the good stuff—fine point gels.

After writing primarily with a ballpoint pen for two weeks, it was refreshing to return to something enjoyable. The Muji .38 Gel Pen felt like the appropriate transition back. It isn’t quite as intense as some other gel pens. It’s lighter and simpler than most. Like the Muji I reviewed last issue, it is simple in its design, extremely light, and beautifully finished. It feels very nice between the fingers and doesn’t slip because of the matte finish.

The pen has a conical tip which, as you know, isn’t as good at tracing around a template or straight edge as a needle tip, but makes the pen more durable while maintaining good precision.

Despite its looks—maybe as a result—the pen has some drawbacks. It has a very small, light, and flimsy cap which pops off easily, leaving the poor pen to fend for itself—scared and without cover in the depths of your pockets. It has no option but to nervously blot ink along the cotton or perhaps linen walls (insert your pant material of choice). It’s lucky that the ink in this pen is also thinner and less water resistant than other more hearty pieces, like the UniBal UM 151 or the Pilot Hi-Tec-C, so most of the stains do wash out. On paper, the ink appears lighter and less viscous than you would expect. It is not the same deep dark black as the aforementioned pens. Instead, it is more of a deep dark grey. The thinner ink means you are always forced to write with intention. No dilly dallying between ideas or thinking of just the right word to put down. Any delay and the ink will feather out, muddling your thoughts on the page.

In general, the pen is a good way to ease into the world of deep dark and beautiful gel pens. It’s easy to pick up and is close to ideal. It’s slightly cheaper than other gel pens and will get the job done, but the Muji .38 gel just isn’t quite as satisfying as a strong, full bodied gel pen.

PS. If you have a pen, pencil or paper that you LOVE please let me know! I’d love to try it out. HMU at jpinzon@oberlin.edu

COMIC BY OLIVE SHERMAN

6 WAYS TO DISAPPOINT YOUR PARENTS THIS FALL BREAK

By Max Robinson Contributor

Fall break is right around the corner, which means that most of Oberlin will experience all the joy and excitement of giving their parents another reason to regret letting them out of the basement to experience the outside world. It’s inevitable -- you are going to disappoint your parents. If not over fall break, then over some visit home.

In fact, you are not a true Obie until you have disappointed your parents in some way. So if you’re going down, go down with a bang. We at The Grape have compiled a list of the top six ways that you can disappoint your parents this fall break.

1. Have them sample your locally grown, free range, grass fed, cruelty free, gluten free, GMO-derivative, gender non-conforming, hyper-vegan, mostly harmless granola bars. When

they admit it just tastes like sad cardboard, and they will, call them out as the fascist pigs they are.

2. Perform a vivisection of all your pets and distant relatives. Show your parents that taking Biology 101 wasn’t just a waste of your time and money by showing them all of your excellent scalpel skills.

3. Be uncomfortably open about what you learned in Sex-Co this semester.

Draw out diagrams and present them in a 69-slide-long PowerPoint marathon. For bonus points, do something absolutely disgusting with your SO right on the dinner table.

4. Invite some of your friends over to stage a shit-in over some pipeline. Remember that pipeline? You know, that one with the oil or tar sand or something. Whatever it is, get real mad over it. I don’t know why, just get angry!

5. Dye your hair some ridiculous color. But not just your average neon pink or hot green, invent a new color to dye your hair. Make your hair the color of a dimension no human should ever gaze upon. Drive your parents into a Lovecraftian madness with your hair color.

6. Sit down and eat dinner with your family.

While you’re home, remember to ask your parents for plenty of money and ibuprofen; you never know when you’re going to need either of those things. We at The Grape also recommend that you also act as pallbearers for your parents so you can let them down one last time.

19

THE GRAPE

SEVEN MINUTES IN STEVIE

BRING TUPPERWARE, LEAVE YOUR DIGNITY BEHIND

By Gillian Pasley Contributor

I don’t really like CDS. In fact, I usually have like 6 meals left at the end of the week and I feel pretty guilty about that.

Nevertheless, I’m gonna teach you how to make delicious meals composed of (mostly) ingredients stolen from Stevie!

Farfalle with roasted garlic, tomatoes, and spinach Ingredients: To steal from Stevie: t Ĺƒ DVQ PMJWF PJM GSPN OFBS UIF TBMBE bar where the Goldfish are -- those are fun to steal, too.) Pour some into a to-go coffee cup! (Note: exact measurements aren’t that important here so if you don’t carry a measuring cup with you, don’t sweat it) t "T NBOZ PG UIPTF MJUUMF UPNBUPFT GSPN the salad bar as you POSSIBLY CAN (ideally 2 cups). Cut them all in half t DVQT TQJOBDI MFBWFT t › DVQ QBSNFTBO DIFFTF UIJT NJHIU be better to buy so it’s shaved and not powdery, but if you’re a true thrifter this would work, too) t 4BMU BOE QFQQFS TUFBMJOH UIFTF GSPN Stevie is mean and they’re probably in your dorm kitchen!)

To buy: t CPY GBSGBMMF ɨJT SFDJQF DBMMT GPS oz, but let’s be real I can eat a whole box by myself (if you’re a real hardo, you could hypothetically steal this from Stevie also.

Sometimes there is plain pasta in the salad bar, or recruit a bunch of your friends to get a plate of plain pasta from the pasta station and collect it all in a Tupperware) t IFBE PG HBSMJD DMPWFT OFFEFE

minced Optional (if you’re feelin fancy): t Ĺƒ DVQ CBTJM t DVQ SJDPUUB

OCTOBER 14, 2016

Instructions: Grab that big pot from the cupboard in your floor’s kitchen that most likely says something like “Jacob’s cookware! Please wash if you use!� Thanks, Jacob. You’re bae.

Boil some water and cook the pasta until it’s al dente. Drain. (if Jacob has a colander, you’re in luck. If not, usually using a lid and slowly pouring the water into the sink works.)

(Do steps 3-5 while the pasta is boiling) Steal the closest thing you can find to a sautĂŠ pan from Jacob. I just used a pretty big frying pan.

Heat the olive oil over medium heat. When it’s hot, add the minced garlic and reduce heat to medium-low (Note: I don’t know how to tell when it’s hot. Trust your gut.) Cook the garlic for about 5 minutes until your dorm kitchen starts to smell like garlic.

Add the tomatoes and season with salt and pepper if you have it. Cook for 2-3 minutes until tomatoes are nice and warm.

Put the drained pasta back in the big pot. Add the tomatoes, garlic and oil, and toss in the spinach until it wilts.

Add a whole bunch of parmesan cheese, salt and pepper. Add basil if you’re just so extra. Top with “dollops of ricotta� if you’re bourgeois swine.

Serve! This step is not complete unless you humble brag a lot. “Oh, yes, I love to cook at home. Of course, this is nothing like Pa-pa’s kitchen but‌ I had to make do.â€?

Guilt the friends you made dinner for into doing the dishes. If there are cis men in your group, make them feel extra guilty by sighing about how it’s classic that you have to ask them to do the dishes.

Cost for this meal: (confession: I did this research at Gibson’s, but you should buy stuff from IGA if you can, because it’s cheaper and I don’t trust Gibson’s at all‌

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Plus there is no ricotta or basil at Gibson’s. Sad!) t 4UFWJF NFBM TXJQF t GPS B CPY PG QBTUB UIFZ BMTP EPO U have farfalle at Gibson’s‌. You have been warned.) t GPS DMPWFT PG HBSMJD Grand Total: $3.68

Wow! Isn’t it cool to swindle the system?

Isn’t it fun to prank Stevie? I sure think so.

Join me next time when I realize that there are only so times you can pour olive oil into a coffee cup before you start to develop a reputation.

This is my friend Emma basking in the radiance of our creation

HOROSCOPES

By Nicoloe Bennett Contributor

Scorpio season comes out swinging on the 22nd, bringing with it a mood as hard to define as the sign itself. Here’s what to look forward to in the coming weeks: Venus rolls into Sagittarius on the 18th, pushing a bevy of new friends (read as: people you’ll really click with at a party, never really get in touch with afterwards, and then awkwardly wave at in Dascomb for the rest of your time at Oberlin) into your life. Shortly afterwards, Mercury, the ruling planet of communication, enters Scorpio on the 24th—egging on every fuckboy in every philosophy class on campus to start really delving into “deep shit” during discussions. Watch out!

ARIES: There will be a full moon in your sign tomorrow. If you put a lot of effort into studying this weekend, or even if you just take a moment to edit (then re-edit) your risky texts before sending them, your hard work is sure to pay off.

Truly good rewards are few and far between here in Oberlin (see: all campus events that can only promise a slice or two of tepid Domino’s as compensation for attendance), but you might just get lucky.

VIRGO: Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Get in at least one overcooked green vegetable with every one of your Dascomb meals. Do the reading you’ve been putting off for the past 24 hours instead of just scrolling through SparkNotes five minutes before class and hoping for the best.

TAURUS: Autumn’s arrival (way too slow, what with this muggy Ohio weather) will usher uncanny experiences into your otherwise normal world. Whether faces begin to emerge from the trees in Wilder Bowl or ghosts from professors past start whispering messages through the wind, embrace it! Your Taurean soul is just getting stoked for the spooky season.

LEO: Switch it up this weekend, Leo. If you’re the kind of person who likes to stay in on a Friday night, go out for a stroll.

You might find a party, or a concert, or even just someone to bum cigarettes off of (more than thirty feet away from a building, I hope!). On the other hand, if you’re more of a party-hopper, go play Clue while stone-cold sober in a stranger’s quad—a surprisingly fun way to stay up until midnight.

SAGITTARIUS: Venus, the planet of love and relationships, swings into your sign on the 18th. You might finally work up the courage to talk to that cute person you keep spotting out of the corner of your eye in Mudd—or at least to anonymously submit an Oberlin Crush about them.

You might meet your soulmate in the ExCo you least expected to find them in. Say yes to love, Sagittarius.

CAPRICORN: So, you’ve been creeping up the social/academic ladder lately. If a rung gives out underneath your feet, don’t panic: this is an opportunity for you to embrace the art of the accident and explore new paths. Text that person you always run into in the bathroom each morning, or skip a class so as to examine the psychological side effects of guilt.

GEMINI: There will be a lot of really frustrating moments in your life over the next couple of weeks—you might accidentally send a screenshotted text to the person who sent it, or a drunken attempt to bleach your hair might leave your mane looking less like the model on the box’s and more like Guy Fieri’s. But don’t lose hope, Gemini—at least you can learn from these mistakes?

CANCER: You will have a very intimate dream starring someone you once considered just a friend. It might involve you two quietly eating bagels in front of your sleeping parents, or might consist of tenderly consoling each other after watching a particularly bad play (both actual relationship-dynamic-changing dreams I, a Cancer, have experienced in my real life!). Either way, you’ll never view that person in the same light again.

you least expect it (perhaps during a midterm), but you’d be surprised how many big-hearted Obies are out there, ready to receive you with open arms.

AQUARIUS: Your overly social “weekend self” (for some, this just translates to “drunk self”) will get you into a bit of trouble this month. Do your best to insure that you can recognize people by name—or at least by face—before you invite them to coffee at Slow Train, send them a lengthy emoji-laden chain letter by way of Tinder message, or declare your love for them from the roof of Peters.

LIBRA: A space—whether it be a residential lounge, a classroom, or a library—needs your keen eye. Over the next couple of weeks, your attention to detail and beauty will be much needed. Don’t be afraid to do a little rearranging and decorating!

SCORPIO: The sun entering your sign on the 22nd (and a little Mercury action on the 24th!) will knock out any control you once had (or thought you had) over your emotions.

You might want to stop being such a reclusive little Scorpio and reach out to new people. Such an emotionally charged month will be sure to make you shed a couple tears when

PISCES: Try something that challenges your everyday sense of self. Workout at South Gym for more than ten minutes at a time. Try dancing, acting, or improv comedy. Maybe even slip a WOBC show or two into your daily routine. (Because we know the Pisces who hosts it will appreciate this, our column proudly endorses sweeping the airwaves on Friday nights at midnight to listen to the “Seven Deadly Synths” show!)

21

THE GRAPE

T

he rats that live in the dark corners of each library have picked up on the trends of the students that invade their homes and have become four distinct kinds of creatures.

Here are their most distinguishing features so you can spot them in the wild:

Concept by Emily Cohn and Drawings by Piera Bochner

OCTOBER 14, 2016

22

BLIND DATE #3: A STROLL IN THE ARB

THESE TWO ENFP’S LOVE SOUTH AMERICA, EMBROIDERY, MUSHROOMS, AND BOMBER JACKETS–BUT WILL THEY LOVE EACH OTHER?

By Mikaela Fishman Layout Editor

Every issue this year The Grape is sending a pair of people who have never met before out on a blind date. This issue we sent Esther Espeland and Madeline Schwartz to the Arb and then we interviewed them separately about their experience. Read on to find out if they loved each other or hated each other, and if there’s going to be a second date.

Interview 1: Esther Espeland: Esther is a senior who loves “publically proclaiming the awkwardness in her love life”.

Grape: Why did you want to go on this date?

Esther: I love attention, my brand of humor is me very publically proclaiming the awkwardness in my love life.

G: So how was it?

E: It was really nice. It was a little crisp and I had to pee, so I had that on my mind the whole time, but it was a decision I made so I kept with it.

G: Ok that’s cool. So what’d you guys do, where’d you go?

E: We met on the wilder steps and then we walked around the Arb and went to the ladies grove.

G: What’s that?

E: It’s where they kept the ladies during Oberlin when men and women weren’t able to interact with each other.

So anyway, we got lost in the Arb, we ended up in the ladies grove, and then we walked back to campus.

G: So how long was the date overall?

Madeline (left) and Esther (right)

E: An hour, an hour fifteen.

G: Nothing compared to the last Grape date, which was seven hours.

E: That’s fine.

G: So did you know them at all?

E: No. G: Was it weird at first?

E: I was standing on the Wilder steps and I didn’t know who I was expecting and I was talking to my friend Becca so I was just going, “DATE Date date date” and Madeline was reading a book and then they got up and greeted me.

The first thing we did was like, oh wow this is awkward, here we go, and then we started walking. We said our names and pronouns, and then next thing was like, what year are you? and I said I was a 4th year and they’re like, oh I’m a 1st year, and we had a moment of being like, ohh.

G: I didn’t realize there was such an age difference, I’m sorry. Was it weird to go on a date with a freshman?

E: I mean the first thing they said was, wow, you’re older than me, and I was like, yeah, sure am, so I think we both understood this was just a friends thing. Because in my Prism workshop I’m like, “If seniors are ever bothering you, freshman, come get me and I’ll take them down.” So I was like, ok, practice what I preach.

G: So no sparks or anything like that.

E: I mean, nah, just friend sparks.

G: Do you think you’ll see them again?

E: They’re super rad, I think the reason we discovered we were paired together is that we’re both Aquarius and ENFPs, so that was the basis for our match. We had a lot of cool stuff in common. They’re super awesome, we both like mushrooms, we both like embroidery, we both like bomber jackets, and we both want to travel to Latin America.

G: So you had stuff to talk about?

E: Oh yeah, it was a jam-packed conversation, no moments of awkwardness.

G: Were you nervous before the date?

E: No, not really, I was mostly just really excited because I knew it would be kind of awkward but I love that.

G: Would you do it again?

E: Yeah, I love publically sharing my romantic life, sorry @ everyone I’ve ever dated.

Interview 2: Madeline Schwartz: Madeline is a freshman and self-proclaimed narcissist.

Grape: Why did you want to go on the date?

Madeline: I’m a little bit of a narcissist, so I like attention. Also it was just an interesting concept and I like meeting people, so I was like, what a fun way to meets someone who I might not already know.

G: Were you nervous?

M: I wasn’t nervous until I was sitting there waiting for her.

G: How did it go? What’d you do?

M: We went from Wilder to the Arb, discovered within the first three minutes that we had a lot in common, like both of her parents are sociologists, both of mine are psychologists. And then we walked through the Arb for a while, we went to a part of the Arb which I’d never seen before. We also figured out why you guys put us together, we’re both ENFPs and both Aquarius.

Do you have another question?

G: Oh, yeah, [makes weird mouth noise], I do have another question. I’m a terrible interviewer, I usually just do layout...ok so you feel like you had a lot to talk about?

M: Yeah, she’s super interesting. Oh, we both also really love Spanish language and South America, we had a lot of weird similarities.

G: So was it at all flirty? Or was it “friendshippy”?

M: I don’t know, I can never really tell. I haven’t been on a lot of first dates because I guess in high school it’s not so much of a dating scene as it is a hook-ups. It was an interesting experience, it was nice to get to know someone, but I don’t know.

G: Do you think you’re going to see her again?

M: I don’t know.

G: Would you go on a blind date again?

M: Maybe, not for a while. I don’t have the time to go through this whole process again. But it’s a really funny idea, I’m a fan.

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THE GRAPE

OBER HEARD “That’s why I love Oberlin–there are so many smart people. I only knew three smart people before I came here.”

“I’m good and happy. I made out with my roommate though haha didn’t tell my therapist about that.”

“It’s cool that we are reading empirical studies. I just happen to be having a mental breakdown every time they are due.”

“Don’t hang out with redheads they’re dangerous!” - Kid yelling to friend outside Langston Middle School “My boyfriend just unmatched me on Tinder.”

“Dick is abundant and low value.”

“With respect to white people, we do eat a lot of tofu and brussel sprouts. Let’s get some variety in here!”

WEIRD SHIT YOU BELIEVED IN EVERYTHING YOU KNEW AS A KID WAS A LIE Collected by Eliana Carter Contributor

Whether it was Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or world peace, we all had faith in some strangely mystical ideas as children. When I was younger, I believed my parents were secretly spies and that, on my eighteenth birthday, they would reveal the truth to me and assign me to my first mission. Sadly, my eighteenth birthday came and went, and now I’m almost twenty and my only spy skills come in the form of Facebook stalking. I asked the Oberlin College community what weird things they believed as a child, and here’s what they had to say.

“I believed that you only had to kill one fly because if you killed one then all the other flies would go to the dead fly’s funeral.” -- Caroline

“I thought that when I farted, I could save everyone else from having to smell it if I sniffed all of the methane up myself. I suffered a lot for nothing.” -- Lu

“I used to think that I had magical powers because when I looked out the window when the car was moving and would look down at the line dividers and they would all move in a really fast line and be really blurry, I was able to slow them down and look at just one at a time. Anyone can do this, but when I was little I thought that it meant that I DEFINITELY had magical powers.” -- Annie

“My mom said “vulva” and I thought that was the same word as the car brand “Volvo” and so I thought there was just like an entire car brand named for genitalia.” –– Tory

“Because my parents and grandparents had a lot of black and white pictures, I believed there was a time when everything was black and white (like that one Powerpuff Girls episode) and that suddenly one day color was thrown into the world.” -- Jad

OCTOBER 14, 2016

“My mom said I was beautiful inside and out and I asked her how she knew my organs were pretty. I also thought that sex was just two people hugging and rolling around.” -- Isabel

“Me and my brother thought we had written “It’s a Small World After All.” We thought it was so cool everyone knew this song that we had written.” -- Kaia “I thought I could talk to animals like Dr. Dolittle.” -- Heather “I used to believe I would only turn a year older if I blew out the candles on my birthday.” -- Elena “I was wholly convinced that The Sound of Music took place in Australia and not Austria. I still get that confused to this day.” -- Claire

JUST SOME QS TO HAUNT YOU ALL DAY >:) do u actually like ur crush, or do u just vaguely look alike?

“He is THE worst but I am so attracted to him.”

“We were talking about food allergies and I got so turned on”

“I believed that there was a threelegged fox that lived in my front yard and scared all of the fairies away and I definitely saw it once, but that might have been a dream.” -- Caroline

“My sister convinced me that I was from Mars.” – Tyus

should ur hands be on the bike handlebars the whole time u ride to class or is that nerdy?

at concerts, r u really having fun? or do u just have a vague crisis and feel weird after and during?

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HOW TO SURVIVE A CLOWN ENCOUNTER

By Sydney Livingston Contributor

Encountering a clown in the wild is rare, but the recent clown sightings have heightened the general public’s anxiety over such encounters. There’s a lot of conflicting information out there about how to deal with a clown encounter, so The Grape would like to set the record straight. To avoid getting hurt or attacked by one of these strange creatures, follow the instructions below. The advice differs depending on the type of clown, so make sure you get a good view of it before proceeding. Stay safe, folks. Clown season is upon us.

“ “ “

4 SEX POSITIONS TO TRY OUT WITH YOUR FOREST CLOWN LOVER

By Zoe Cohen and Isabel Klein Contributor and Content Editor

#3: The Flower Squirter

#2: The Forest Clown Fuck #1: The How Many Clowns Can You Stuff In Your Tiny Car

#4: The Keep Your Big Clown Hands Where I Can See ‘Em

25

THE GRAPE

SPICE UP YOUR STUDY STYLE

By Emily Cohn

THE 8 WORST PLACES TO WORK ON CAMPUS

Contributor

Sometimes homework just really sucks. And you know what sucks more? Rotating between the same few places.

My vicious cycle of Mudd/Art Library/Bedroom/repeat has got me in a rut. So with midterms approaching, I decided we could all use a good old-fashioned Spice Girls style “Spice Up Your Life” study adjustment plan.

Here are the worst possible places to do your homework. Try one, or all, of these. And don’t hate me when I ask you to calm your dancing at the Sco while I go through my Latin flashcards. #1. Coop Meal during a Heated Discussion If you are a guest and try to “down thumb” everything to make it stop no one will pay attention to you since you’re a visitor, and therefore invisible. #2. Splitchers

HOW TO KILL A HANGOVER COMIC BY ZOE COHEN

OCTOBER 14, 2016

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At the bar, or on the Sco ramp. But who knows, the music might make your fingers dance across your keyboard like the sexy consensual grind-line happening beside you. #3. Tuesday/Thursday $1 Margarita Nights @ Lupita’s That great guac Omega-3 fatty acid brain food will not outweigh the swarms of screaming margarita maniacs toasting their completed or abandoned work. You’ll also probably end up getting a double or two and texting that person you’ve been smooching, so that your essay will just have to get done some other time. #4. Weekend Nights Seated Outside of Agave There’s a 73.5% chance of a drunk freshman vomiting in your general vicinity.

#5. On a Lane @ College Lanes But like also this could work if you rent out the lane when it’s empty? Almost like a treadmill desk, you could moonwalk up and down the sleek floor while reading Freud. #6. In Mercy Hospital Room while Friend Gets Stomach Pumped You’re kind of shitty. #7. In Friend’s Room while They Tell You about Their Break Up You’re super shitty. #8. In the Fountain Outside of the Art Building v except Lena Dunham might disagree.

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