DECEMBER 15 2017

OBERLIN’S STUDENT CULTURE MAGAZINE READ ONLINE AT THEOBERLINGRAPE.COM

Editors-in-Chief

EST. 1999 DECEMBER 15, 2017

Bad Habits Writing Team

Jake Berstein Luke Fortney Content Editors

Production Editors

Molly Bryson Ian Feather Isabel Klein Casey Redcay

Hannah Berk Ben Guterl Gabe Schneier Leora Swerdlow

Business Manager Eddy Tumbokon Web Editor Ezra Goss

Photo Editor Emma Webster

Julia Halm Zoe Jasper Isabelle Kenet Leon Pescador Copy Editors Juan-Manuel Pinzon Jack Rockwell Julie Schreiber Jackson Zinn-Rowthorn Olive Sherman Liam Russo Benjamin Silverman Sam Schuman Keerthi Sridharan

Dear Dake, A Letter to the Associated Press from the Un-Associated Press On December 10th, 2017 Dake Kang, a reporter from the Cleveland branch of the Associated Press published an article insightfully titled, “Racial dispute at beloved bakery roils liberal college town in Ohio.”

Although this story is factually correct, it barely skims the surface of the student protests of Gibson’s Bakery. What’s worse, I’m quoted in this technically-true-but-notreally-true story.

It all started on Friday, December 8th when I receive a phone call from Dake.

He told me he was working on a story about the Gibson’s lawsuit. I’m not used to national reporters calling me for interviews, but I am used to Oberlin’s conversations being under a national microscope.

We saw this in 2016 when a New Yorker reporter, Nathan Heller, spent three hours in Oberlin and decided he could paint an accurate portrait of the ’new activism of liberal arts colleges.’ The story was called,

“The Big Uneasy: what’s roiling the liberalarts campus?”

What is interesting in both cases is the use of the world ‘roils’. Roil(v.): to muddy waters by disturbing the sediment. What is so poignant about this choice of words, and an idea that neither articles address, is that the sediment was, and always has been in the water. Student’s at the Gibson’s protest were not responding to some novel idea that the Gibson’s might exhibit racist behavior, they were simply kicking up sediment that had always been there. Sediment that looks no different from that which has been kicked up in protests across the U.S. When Dake called and asked if he could interview me about the context behind the Gibson’s lawsuit, the first thing I ask him is if he’s ever been to Oberlin before. He says he came for three hours the day before and chatted with some folks in town. This was a red flag that I chose to ignore. Maybe it was

CORRECTIONS FROM DEC. 1, 2017 ISSUE The Grape published an article by an anonymous author in its most recent Bad Habits section titled "WOBC Cult Recruitment Down 40% Compared to Last Year." In writing the article, the author attributed fictitious quotes to Julian Meltzer, Kyle Roach, and Joey Shapiro without obtaining permission from these sources beforehand.

This error was brought to our attention before we went to print, and The Grape staff responded by removing the piece from our online issue, writing replacement content, and paying our printer's an additional fee to make sure that the article was not printed. Despite our best efforts, the article made it to print version of our paper.

In the end, it does not matter what our staff attempted because our efforts were ultimately foiled by a printing error that was out of our control. We would like to apologize to those affected by what the editors have agreed was a non-consentual use of names and a lapse in journalistic judgment.

because I was excited to talk to a reporter; maybe it was because I foolishly thought I could convince him to give up on telling this story entirely.

We had a conversation over the phone that lasted roughly two hours. He asked a few specific questions, but mostly I was just trying to explaining how nuanced and complex the Gibsons situation is and how, as someone who is also trying to tell this story in a podcast with Luke, it is going to be nearly impossible to tell it well with a such a short deadline. Despite my warning, Dake went on to write a story that is now featured on Fox News, the Washington Post, ABC News, the Chicago Tribune, and even on Breitbart.

As I said before, the story is factually correct, but it doesn’t convey the truth. The story began with a fact: “Students at Oberlin College have long enjoyed pastries, bagels, and chocolates from Gibson’s Bakery.” True.

Some students have enjoyed shopping at Gibsons. But, other students, most of whom are students of color have chosen not to shop at Gibson’s long before the incident last year for feelings of discomfort and racial profiling.

The story then continues with another fact: “the dispute began in November of 2016.”

True. This dispute did begin then. But, this was not the first of its kind and certainly won't be the last.

Dake then falls into a trap that many reporters trying to explain Oberlin have fallen into—interviewing retired professor

Roger Copeland. To Copeland, “It's just counterproductive to bend that anger towards a small family business that to my knowledge is not guilty of the sort of racial profiling that people accuse it of.” This passage encompasses Dake’s only attempt to understand the validity of the claims of racism. True, to Copeland’s knowledge, Gibson’s is not guilty of racial profiling.

But Copeland is not, and should not be considered, an authority on this issue. Dake didn’t interview anyone from town who may actually be subject to racial profiling by the story. Instead, he interviewed Copeland, a white and irrelevant retired professor, Dave Gibson, the owner of the bakery, Kameron Dunbar, a Black student senator, and me.

From Kameron, Dake took a one line quote taken out of context. From me, he took my description of what people outside of the issue think, and claimed it as my own.

Like I said, we’re used to this at this point. We’re used to reporters coming into Oberlin and making sweeping statements based on conversations with a few people. I never expected to be one of those few people.

If it were to happen all over again, I would tell Dake that I wasn't the right person to ask.

Instead of trying to answer his questions, I'd direct him to the people who know the truth and not just the facts.

Contact Editor-In-Chief Jake Berstein at jberstei@oberlin.edu.

FRONT COVER BY XANDER SOMOGYI. BACK COVER BY PATRICE DICHRISTINA.

Oberlin students from Los Angeles react to the L.A. Wildfires

BY OLIVE SHERMAN COPY EDITOR

but it is reinforced when tragedy strikes a city. Surely, when fires burned large parts of Santa Rosa and Marin, or when hurricanes Harvey and Irma devastated Houston, parts of Florida, and Puerto Rico, many students from or related to those affected areas experienced intense anxiety about how to handle chaos at home from tens of hundreds of miles away.

“It’s pretty crazy and kind of surreal because [before the fires] I was getting

MANY OBERLIN STUDENTS WILL BE RETURNING TO A CHANGED LOS ANGELES IN A MATTER OF DAYS. ready to return [to L.A.], and see how the city has changed in the time that I’ve been in college,” Ezra Goss, third-year student, said. “[Now,] having not seen the flames in person and only on Instagram and Facebook [further] mixes into this idea that the city is being largely affected by [the flames], yet I don’t currently feel so embedded in the city. It’s this feeling of, since my family is ok, how much should I

really be worried about it or making sure that my family is ok? It’s a weird situation.”

For Goss and many others, part of this confusion about the fires’ severity results from an exposure to the fires almost exclusively through the lens of social and news media.

“Seeing [the fires] digitally has not really helped the realism of how intense [they are],” Goss said. “They do look intense online, but also there’s this idea that things that you see online are always going to be embellished.”

According to Mary Brody, first-year student, whose family was evacuated from their Mandeville Canyon home for two days, pictures and articles circulating online contradict the unconcerned comments she received from L.A. friends and family.

“I was really freaked out because I’m not there and I’m going back there in a week, but [my family was] very casual about it, so I didn’t really know how to respond,” Brody said. “They just seemed more annoyed by it, and like worried about their pets and stuff. They didn’t seem that concerned about being in any real imminent danger, it was more of like a nuisance.”

Also hard to ignore is the fact that the fires have largely destroyed multimillion dollar estates in Bel Air, Malibu, Ventura, and Ojai. Such a disparity in privilege is magnified by the fact that many of the firefighters extinguishing fires affecting these homes are part of

California’s longstanding incarcerated firefighter force, which pays inmates $1/ hour and credit towards parole.

For Eddy Tumbokton, first-year student, the attention to destruction of or danger to L.A. private property also elicits discussion surrounding privilege associated with the home and those fortunate enough to have one.

“As a homeless student at Oberlin, I can’t say that property that belongs to me is of my grave concern when I’m thinking about the wildfires in Los Angeles.,” Tumbokton said. “[The fires were instead] a great metric of how much I’ve acclimated to Oberlin, and seeing it as not my second home or my home away from home, or the place I go to college, but the place I’m living until graduation.”

The severity of the fires has also been highly impactful to various schools throughout Southern California. Located in Westwood, immediately adjacent to Bel Air, UCLA, experienced power outages and poor air quality. UC Santa Barbara is also experiencing poor air quality due to Santa Barbara fires. Both campuses are located in evacuation zones but were unable to vacate students from their premises because most students do not have access to alternative housing in safer areas.

“My mom works for LAUSD, and she was telling me that they closed down schools all across the valley,” Ruby Ferehawk, first-year student, said. “That’s a big deal for a school district as big as

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The walls of my dorm room in East are plastered with posters from L.A. art museums. On either side of my bed is a photograph of Chris Burden’s Metropolis II installation at LACMA, and a Robert Mapplethorpe poppy photograph from the joint show by LACMA and the Getty.

At the head of my bed is a still from the Doug Aitken show at MOCA last fall, and at my feet hangs a Ray Eames work from the LACMA California Modernism show

by Ray Eames, queen of mid-20th century Pacific Palisades.

When I first left L.A. for Oberlin, I brought all this stuff with me so that I wouldn’t miss my fair city. One of the harder parts about adjusting to Oberlin was learning how to redefine my relationship with the warm, beachside, mountainous city where everything I love belongs. When I first heard news about the fires, via the Getty Center Facebook page, what hurt most was the fact that part of this place I love would possibly soon cease to exist.

Of course, a lot of Oberlin College students are from L.A., and like me, for many the most confusing part of the fires is the way it forces students into a crisis of place: where does life exist for L.A. Oberlin students? The burning Californian metropolis or the Midwestern college town? How much should one care about the disasters that occur in one’s city of origin?

This is a dilemma likely faced by almost every incoming Oberlin student,

LAUSD to close down schools for like a full day, especially since attendance is how they get like all their money.”

For first-year, Matteo Debole, the fires are also important because they are symptomatic of climate change and its lasting dangerous prophecy.

“Obviously it’s surprising that this happened, but also it’s like should we be surprised? L.A. gets no rain, we live in a chaparral where there’s just dust and dried [stuff] everywhere” Debole said, “I think like seeing disaster movies where this [stuff] happens, and then seeing it actually happen on the freeways and near country clubs, it’s kind of an omen. It’s not something that can be ignored, and [the fact that] it’s become normal

Photo from LATimes.com

means that something’s really really wrong.”

At this point, many Oberlin students will be returning to a changed Los Angeles in a matter of days. Debole looks to protect L.A. from its vulnerabilities, in hopes that it will provide a clearer role of the city in.

“I’m going to come home to a completely different smelling L.A., a different looking L.A., a different feeling L.A., a more damaged [city]. It’s sad to think about how all of these places that are so close to me are so vulnerable to awful damage […] It’s hard to know what to feel about it when I’m this far away and when it’s snowing here. I just wish I could be home helping, and thinking about it and talking about it.”

Contact copy editor Olive Sherman at osherman@oberlin.edu

Lack of Clear Information, Financial Accessibility Present Challenges in Off-Campus Housing Lottery

BY LILA MICHAELS CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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THE GRAPE

is there because it’s so much cheaper to live off campus.” During and after the event, groups of students communicated with landlords, even though they did not know whether they would even have the opportunity to sign a lease. Although the lottery system is intended to be completely random and unbiased, Larkin noted that even for those who are granted off-campus

status, “people who know older kids living in houses have an advantage” when it comes to connecting with landlords.

Third year Environmental Science

major Emma Blackford shared a similar problem to Larkin in her pursuit of offcampus housing. She said “I feel like we weren’t given much guidance about what to do if we actually were granted off campus, like when to be contacting landlords or visiting houses.” However, she reported that “the actual application process was pretty straightforward.”

On the other hand, Third Year Geology major and Politics minor Moses Riley did not find the lottery process to be particularly challenging.

Contrary to the lack of communication and chaotic scramble reported by Larkin and Blackford, he said, “it wasn’t difficult and the emails about it were pretty helpful.”

Yet Riley expressed feeling extremely unsatisfied with Residential Education housing. In fact, when asked about his experience living in oncampus housing so far, he responded, “Ridiculous. Inconsistent. Bad overall.”

Riley lived in Kahn during his first year and “it was beautiful,” but his last two years spent in South Hall have been “horrible.” Gross bathrooms, tiny rooms, poor air quality, bugs, and broken furniture are just a few of his complaints about his time spent in South. “In short, I

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Hundreds of third year students recently having a living room, having your family participated in a random lottery in the type community setup is something that hopes of being granted off-campus is really nice and that you spend three housing for next year. This is no wonder, years looking forward to.” Larkin said given the steep price of Residential that her experience of applying for offEducation housing--students currently campus housing caused her stress and pay between $8,316 and $8,798 annually reported that the lottery was “designed to live in village housing, apartments, to be confusing and designed in the most or townhouses, the closest on-campus inefficient way and the most stressful way” equivalent to off-campus housing.

Meanwhile, the average rent in the City of Oberlin falls significantly below the national average.

According to RentJungle, the average rent for a single bedroom apartment within Oberlin is $474, which comes out to $5,688 in total for a year. For those who are not mathematically astute, that’s around $3,000 cheaper than the non-dormitory options provided by the school. Yet, like in past years and by design, the vast majority of juniors were not granted offcampus housing in the recent Illustration by Sophie Macaulay lottery.

One of those students is Sinéad Larkin, a third year Law and Society According to Larkin, there was and Philosophy major with a Politics a sort of informational fair, but that it and Sociology minor. She explained that was “pretty unhelpful and pretty chaotic “living with your friends, having a kitchen, cause everyone basically from our year

feel as though I’ve only gotten my money’s worth freshman year—the last two years my living situation has been depressing and uncomfortable—I’ve really had to work hard to make myself feel at home,” he said. This explains his desire to live off campus, along with a need to cook his own food. Riley said, “I cannot live in one of these dorms again,” but because he was not granted off-campus housing, he will apply to live in one of the more costly college housing options. As a result, he shares that he “will likely have to take out another federal student loan”, reflecting the implications for financial accessibility that Residential Education’s current system perpetuates.

Larkin, Blackford, and Riley all strongly agree that, due to the wide price gap between on-campus and offcampus housing, the lottery should be need-based rather than random. Riley said, “some students may really need the financial flexibility of living off campus or unlimited access to a kitchen, and given the understaffed-state of ODS right now,

I’m concerned that these requests aren’t honored as thoroughly as they could or should be in a lottery system.” Blackford

THE LOTTERY SHOULD BE NEEDBASED RATHER THAN RANDOM. added that students can live in a “village house and have practically the same living experience,” and therefore students without a financial barrier should live in one of the on-campus options, while lower-income students should have the opportunity to live in less expensive housing.

The administration actually did recently take a step to improve housing options for students with fewer resources, however. Beginning with the class of

2021, all Residential Education housing, including single and multiple occupancy dorms, apartments, townhouses, and village houses, will cost $7,872 annually.

This means that single dorms are more expensive, but every other type of housing is more affordable. According to the Oberlin College website, “This new housing fee structure will provide all students with equal opportunity to select any housing type to which they qualify.” Perhaps in these efforts to equalize student housing, the administration will also eventually consider adopting a need-based system regarding off-campus housing decisions.

Until then, students with financial privilege may consider removing themselves from the lottery system in order to leave room for lower income classmates. Ruby Anderson, a thirdyear Comparative American Studies and Sociology double major, shared her feelings on this matter in a Facebook post that became very popular.

Posted on April 18, it reads: “The only way I can afford to attend

Oberlin is if I’m in a co-op. I did not get placed in a co-op for next semester. If I don’t get off the waitlist, I will have to put the money I was saving to study away towards my term bill. This means I may not get to study away. If I don’t get off campus for senior year, I will be living in a dorm room because I can’t afford village housing.

Obies w wealth privilege: if you can afford village housing/ghosting, maybe consider not applying for off campus. If your ability to attend Oberlin is not contingent upon getting placed in OSCA, consider placing yourself on the waitlist after the first lottery. I know that there are reasons other than cost that one might need off campus/ OSCA (accessibility etc), and you should consider those factors too- just please be considerate about the space you take up and how it can impact those of us who aren’t as wealthy.”

Contact contributing writer Lila Michaels at lmichaels@oberlin.edu

How the New GOP Tax Plan could Affect Obies In other words: just how fucked are we?

BY SAM SCHUMAN CONTRIBUTING WRITER 16, which Oberlin’s congressman Jim Jordan supported.

In a November 15 email sent to the entire Oberlin College community, President Ambar asked Oberlin students and alumni to familiarize themselves with the House legislation—which, along with its Senate counterpart, is available in full online—and contact their representatives, citing a “significant negative effect on Oberlin College, as well as other colleges and universities across the country.”

Among the provisions Ambar highlighted was an excise tax on private college endowments that would “[take] millions of dollars away from needy students and key college operations.”

The tax, which was passed in both the House and Senate versions of the bill, would affect roughly 70 colleges, more than half of which are in Blue states.

Eight percent of the College’s operating budget in the 2015-2016 fiscal year came directly from the College’s $753.5 million endowment, according to the College’s financial report released in June 2016.

Another provision eliminates the student loan interest deduction, which currently allows taxpayers to deduct up to $2,500

in student loan interest annually. Twelve million people claimed this deduction in 2015, according to the IRS. The bill also eliminates the Hope Scholarships Tax Credit and the Lifelong Learning Credit, both aimed at reducing the cost of tuition and student debt.

Other changes listed in the email include the elimination of Private Activity bonds that Ambar said “[result] in

MANY ARE DECRYING THE NEW TAX BILL AS AN ASSAULT ON HIGHER EDUCATION. considerable cost savings and [enable] us to use those savings for our educational purposes,” as well as new taxes levied on benefits that colleges and universities often give to employees, including assistance in

paying the college tuition of employees and their children. Ambar noted that this “would most hurt our lowest-paid employees.”

So far, so bad. But the new law will affect Obies in other ways, too. One of its most significant provisions is the gutting of itemized and state and local tax deductions—the Senate bill does away with them entirely, whereas the House bill retains the property tax deduction up to $10,000. This change disproportionately affects states with high taxes, including Obie-heavy states like California, New York and New Jersey. This may affect not only Obies and their parents living in those states, but also alumni who may choose to donate less to their alma mater if those donations aren’t tax deductible.

Obies looking at grad school are also in trouble. Both versions of the bill treat tuition waivers and stipends given to graduate students by universities as taxable income, resulting in a tax increase that may be as high as 400%.

Susan Hernandez, legislative director of the National Association of Graduate and Professional Students, says that this change “would have the greatest negative

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While most Obies were asleep or out with their friends early Saturday morning, December 2nd, the US Senate passed a tax reform bill that would have significant negative ramifications for the College and its students if passed into law. Inevitably, a certain amount of eyes-glazing-over is expected whenever the sexy topic of taxes comes up; however, it seems very important this time around that Oberlin College students are aware of how this law will specifically affect them. It is clear that colleges, universities, and their students will be asked to shoulder a significantly larger tax burden.

The Senate bill passed along party lines by a 51-49 vote, taken just hours after the final version of the legislation was given to Democratic senators, replete with hand-written changes scrawled within the margins. Bob Corker of Tennessee was the only Republican to join every senate Democrat in voting against the bill. Ohio Democrat Sherrod Brown voted against the bill, while Republican Rob Portman voted for it. According to a Quinnipiac poll, only twenty-nine percent of Americans approve of the House version of the bill passed about a month ago on November

impact of anything I’ve seen,” rendering earning a Phd. in the United States next to impossible.

Many are aslo decrying the new tax bill as a massive redistribution of wealth from the lower and middle class to the wealthiest Americans. Some Obies, certainly, are less than enthused.

“Republicans understand that individuals with graduate-level education do not help their base… [the tax plan] is a conscious effort to gut the American education system” said first-year student James Bilhartz.

Conscious or not, there are a few indirect ways that the bill could also affect Oberlin’s long-term health. Eli Hovland, a fourth-year economics major and law and society minor as well as self-professed “taxes and economics nerd” expressed concern that the bill’s elimination of state and local tax deductions would make it harder for the City of Oberlin to raise additional tax revenue.

Oberlin’s property taxes are already higher than many college towns because Oberlin College is exempt from property taxes on its roughly $200 million worth of property. “If the city can’t raise tax revenue anymore, you might see a situation in which Oberlin schools get a lot worse and it becomes a lot harder for the college to attract faculty.” Said Hovland.

Hovland also expressed concern that reduced financial accessibility in PhD programs might have an impact on prospective applicants and students, saying “If it becomes a lot harder to get a Phd in the United States then it’s going to be a lot less attractive to go to a school [where] one of our selling points has always been that we send a lot of people on to PhD programs.” Hovland said he plans to go to law school despite the increased cost of graduate education, however.

The bill has not yet been enacted— first the two versions from the Senate and House go to a conference committee, where members of the House and Senate will try to reconcile the differences pending a final vote. The final version of the bill is unlikely to be significantly different, however, with most speculation centering on the size of the reduction in state and local tax deduction, as well as the corporate alternative minimum tax.

While we are unlikely to have to a direct effect on the law’s passage, Obies should nonetheless be encouraged call their senators, Brown and Portman, and Congressman, Jim Jordan, and express their opinions on the bill.

Contact contributing writer Sam Schuman at sschuman@oberlin.edu

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Aesthetic problems within Campus Dining A Stevie Case Study

BY CHARLIE RINEHART-JONES CONTRIBUTING WRITER As the great thinker Albert Einstein said: make things better--now it’s really easy to from the larger one, in order to reduce “We cannot solve our problems with the explain why eating at Stevie is like walking clutter. Also, how about some student same thinking we used when we created to a DMV, if the DMV had no forks and wall art to fill up all of the empty space? them.” significantly worse fries.

The dining hall would be able to switch I can only assume that whoever built the art each semester and designed Stevenson Dining Hall had and students would the best of intentions, yet failed on literally be forced to look every tangible level. Stevie is exactly what at other students' you would want to build if your end goal artwork and be at is a space that evokes thoughts of airport least somewhat bathrooms: a space with inconvenient engaged with it. lighting and inexplicable features. And Furthermore, what it’s obvious, with a popular running joke about color in Stevie, that Stevie is a disgusting and uninviting like a campus wide place. Having seen a huge amount of survey about what colleges when I was touring, I can safely color Stevie should be say that Stevie is the grossest of any painted? Personally, that I have been in. When asked about I would vote purple. the ambiance of Stevie, 1st year Maya Maybe they could Goldberg said it’s “sad and mundane, supplement the but at least Stevie is consistently subpar amount of annoying whereas Dascomb is really hit-or-miss.” noise in Stevie with Stevie, even before it became toxic some ambient music. and dirty, was flawed from its inception.

The kinds of Who decided it was a good idea to food and general make the balcony inaccessible? Why architecture are are the windows in sepia? Has anyone things that are very else noticed that there are only outlets hard to change about for what I assume are giraffes, because campus dining, but they are alongside the ceiling of each of one type of change Stevie’s three main halls? There are also that is seemingly usually singular ornaments, like a potted much easier to plant or a little flower arrangement-implement are probably to make Stevie look at little less aesthetics. Making like a bathroom and more like hospice. fun of how gross Pearse Anderson, Oberlin College’s Stevie is can be resident food studies major, had this to fun and easy, but A bowl of gourds in Stevenson Dining Hall. Picture by Charlie Rinesay about the ambiance of Stevie: “much it is also something hart-Jones like the lack of forks at brunch, Stevenson that can certainly seems to lack something that you thought be changed for the the administration would have dealt with Now what could actually improve better if students are willing to give those in the 70s.” After speaking with Goldberg the environment of Stevie? Here is one in charge a direction to work toward. and Anderson, it seems not unfair to really simple addition: blinds. The sun More incentives like the recent campus conclude that the ambiance of Stevie is come into Stevie at such an inconvenient dining survey should be a strong step from actively uninviting and the place is one in angle, making one half of each table pretty the administration toward making this which no one wants to be. much entirely inaccessible because nobody possible.

But there is hope yet; thankfully, wants to lose their vision for what will likely someone in the dining hall system decided be a really bad meal. Another solution to Contact contributing writer Charlie to litter Stevie with gourds. Now there are problems in Stevie could be the addition Rinehart-Jones at crinhart@oberlin.edu baskets of gourds everywhere. That might of smaller supplemental salad bars aside

THE GRAPE

West College Street on December 14, 2017. Photo by Dana Brandes-Simon.

Why the Gibson’s lawsuit is more than another town-gown dispute From 1958 to now, the Gibsons family has always been at odds with the City of Oberlin.

BY IAN FEATHER FEATURES EDITOR

LUKE FORTNEY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF the Gibsons Brothers filed their lawsuit, is a public court in which submitted evidence and transcripts are available to the public.

However, while taking the Gibson’s lawsuit to court would likely result in even more unwanted negative publicity for Oberlin College, the institution’s currently precarious financial situation would have made a costly settlement more difficult to bear.

On December 11th, however, the Oberlin College community had its answer: Lawyer Ronald Holman II and two of his associates with the Taft, Stettinius and Hollister law firm filed a

defense on behalf of Oberlin College and Raimondo, denying all charges made and demanding a “trial by jury on all issues so triable.”

While it’s tempting to categorize the lawsuit filed by the Gibsons Brothers against Oberlin College as typical of towngown relations, precedent tells us the opposite is true. Despite serving “Oberlin and America since 1883,” the Gibsons family has earned a reputation for itself as entity both a part of and apart from the community to which it belongs—one that certainly did not begin in, but that owes much to, the Ohio Supreme Court.

In 1958 the Gibson’s family owned Gibson’s Baker as it does today, but it also owned a block of property consisting of four housing units and a hen house on West Lorain Street. Evidently, Bert Gibson—whose name the property was in and who would, three generations later, pass Gibson’s Bakery onto current store owner Allyn Gibson—had long-held plans to build an apartment complex in place of the hen house. So Bert took it upon himself to apply for a building permit to construct an apartment house consisting of twelve “suites,” as he called them (in reality, twelve 807-square-foot units).

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After news broke on November 7th of the Gibsons Brothers’ filing a lawsuit against both Oberlin College and its Vice President and Dean of Students Meredith Raimondo for a total of $200,000, the Oberlin community speculated about how the two plaintiffs would respond. Settling out of court seemed a likely option to an administration responding just days before to an Associated Press article on last year’s student boycotts of Gibson’s Bakery and a report on Oberlin College’s faculty pay freezes conducted by Inside Higher Ed. This is no less true considering that the Court of Common Pleas, through which

When Bert’s application landed on the desk of Richard Dunn, Oberlin’s City Manager at the time, he “was placed in a serious predicament,” writes former Oberlin Professor Aaron Wildavsky and author of Leadership in a Small Town.

Although Bert’s proposal to build an apartment complex “did not violate any of the existing zoning laws,” it did “violate several of the current standards of good planning.” That is, Dunn felt the 807-square-foot-suites, which Gibson had proposed would house families, were too crowded to approve. Although Oberlin’s policy did not reflect this, the recommendation for a family unit’s square footage at the time was 2,000 feet.

With this objection in mind, Dunn more or less invented an objection to Bert’s proposal, citing a zoning regulation that required new structures to be built at least 30 feet from roads. While Bert’s apartment complex would be constructed 150 feet from West Lorain Street, it would only be six feet from the Gibson’s driveway.

If Dunn expected anything from his proposal other than pushback from Bert Gibson, he must have been disappointed, as Bert appealed the decision almost immediately with the Zoning Board of Appeals. Bert argued that Dunn couldn’t refuse his building permit based on the regulation he cited, as driveways did not constitute roads, and the Zoning Board agreed.

The Oberlin News-Tribune, now a oneroom, six-person operation but then a potent editorial force in the City of Oberlin, printed an op-ed piece opposing Bert’s construction project on the grounds that it “would violate the standards of modern city planning. The editors appealed to Gibson not to build it on his lot, but to find another site.”

With Dunn’s objection overturned and Bert slotted to have his apartment complex approved, three members of Oberlin College’s Planning Commission intervened. A local plumbing contractor, a member of Oberlin College’s Fine Arts Department, and a builder filed a joint motion through the City Council to reverse the reversal, so to speak, of the Zoning Board of Appeals.

In a 5-1 vote, with the only opposition coming from council member Harrold Gibson, Bert Gibson’s son, the City Council overturned the Zoning Board of Appeals’ decision. Following the decision, Dunn sent a formal “permit denial” to

that Bert intended to construct, had to be a minimum of 2000 square feet each.

While the regulation intended to establish legal opposition to the 807-square-foot Gibson suites and prevent similar proposals from occurring in the future, its announcement opened legal avenues for Bert to continue his fight.

He returned to the Court of Common Pleas with a new case on the merits of ex post facto law, arguing that he could not be denied a building permit based on the new zoning regulations when he had applied for his permit under the old requirements.

This time, they granted his appeal.

The City Council then appealed the

LET ME BE CLEAR: THIS IS NOT A CASE OF TOWN VERSUS GOWN, OR EVEN CAMPUS VERSUS COMMUNITY. Bert, notifying him that “Construction of an apartment on that site would run contrary to the basic aims and purposes of good planning.”

Determined, and likely embittered, by what he perceived to be a personal, rather than legal, opposition to his proposal, Bert filed suit first in the Lorain County Common Pleas Court and then in the District Court. In both cases, his case was dismissed with the justification that he had already “had adequate remedy at law by appeal.”

Over the months of overturnings, reversals, and eventual lawsuits, however, the Zoning Board had negotiated a new ordinance to update the City of Oberlin’s building codes so that suites, like the ones

appeal in the District Court of Appeals, which upheld the City’s refusal to grant a permit to Gibson. I shit you not, Bert went on to appeal the appeal of the appeal in the Ohio State Supreme Court on May 19, 1960. In Gibson v. the City of Oberlin, the court ruled in a 4-3 decision that Bert Gibson “could not be refused his permit.” Two years, five court dates, and innumerable trips around the legal merrygo-round later, Bert had won. He had spent $2,500 in legal fees to get it (the modern equivalent of approximately $21,000) and outspent the City of Oberlin by more than $700 to get there, but on May 27, 1968 Dunn issued Bert his building permit.

These numbers are what make the conclusion of this iconic moment in

Oberlin history almost unbelievable: that in the end, Bert Gibson never constructed his apartment complex. Due to a series of illnesses, the farthest he got was taking down his hen house.

The Gibsons family and their more vocal supporters, in responding to accusations of racial discrimination in their business practices, have cited time and again their position as an economic and communal cornerstone of the City of Oberlin. They’ve done so in acquitting themselves of racial biases, they’ve done so in criticizing student protesters, and now they’ve done so in filing a lawsuit against Oberlin College and Dean of Students Meredith Raimondo. But Supreme Court Case No. 36245 tells a drastically different story about what the Gibsons family represents in Oberlin.

Though there are certainly risks in drawing parallels between the events of today and those of sixty years ago, Bert Gibson’s scrappy, fend-for-yourself attitude in the face of legal fees and opposition doesn’t signify that the Gibsons family represents Oberlin. It signifies that they represent themselves.

Let us be clear: this is not a case of town versus gown, or even campus versus community. It’s a case in which two of Oberlin’s oldest and most politically powerful entities are going to head to head in a battle over property—or, perhaps more accurately speaking, over pride.

It’s sure to be a shitshow, but it’s nothing Oberlin hasn’t seen before.

Contact Features Editor Ian Feather at ifeather@oberlin.edu and Editor-In-Chief Luke Fortney at lfortney@oberlin.edu.

ONE FEATURES EDITOR TO DRIVE THE CONVERSATIONS THAT HAPPEN ON OUR CAMPUS AND IN OUR NEWSROOM. ONE BAD HABITS EDITOR TO CARRY ON OUR LONG, ILLUSTRIOUS LEGACY OF MAKING FAMILY MEMBERS UNCOMFORTABLE ON PARENTS WEEKEND. APPLICATIONS AND MORE INFORMATION AVAILABLE ON FACEBOOK.COM/THEGRAPE.OBERLIN DECEMBER 15, 2017

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Star Wars: Battlefront II

Another Reboot (Almost) Fucked Up By Capitalism

BY JACK ROCKWELL CONTRIBUTING WRITER characters inaccessible to encourage players to spend extra money to unlock them faster.

Fans also responded with their wallets, making headlines in major financial publications.

Initial physical sales of the game were 61% lower than they were for DICE’s first Battlefront in the UK. CNBC reported that EA’s stock plummeted 8.5% by the end of November, resulting in the loss of $3.1 billion of shareholder value. This is an ill omen for what has been speculated to have been one of the most expensive games ever to develop, especially since they seem to be losing money over a desperate scheme to earn more.

Why did it cause so much outrage?

This isn’t the first time this type of system has been implemented. Halo 5 (another blockbuster mainstream console shooter)’s “Requisition” or REQ system functioned almost identically, delivering special weapons and vehicles randomly through “REQ packs” purchasable with in-game credits or real money. Although fans weren’t always pleased, the game has

been a commercial success, eliciting none of the news-breaking controversy that Battlefront II has.

I propose that the difference stems from the relative cost of the content to be unlocked and its relationship to the franchise. Halo 5’s REQ system is bountiful, especially when compared to Battlefront II’s loot boxes. Each REQ pack delivers around a dozen unlockable items, while Battlefront II’s standard loot boxes only deliver 3. Players feel far more

rewarded for their gameplay per hour by Halo 5 than they do by Battlefront II. The different nature of the items in the two games also has a dramatic impact on player experience. Halo 5’s unlockable items are an array of special weapons and vehicles, most of which are single-use and can only enhance a player’s presence on the battlefield to a certain extent. (There’s also a robust suite of multiplayer modes where the unlockable items can’t be used, but in-game credits can be earned, making

DECEMBER 15, 2017

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Continued on next page.

When DICE and EA announced their reboot of the Star Wars: Battlefront franchise in 2013, fans of the 2004-5 original Battlefront series were sure to feel a mix of excitement and skepticism.

Four years later, their latest installment— bearing the same name as the legendary Battlefront II—has stirred deep controversy, though not for the reasons one would expect. EA’s aggressive “payto-win” in-game microtransaction scheme almost managed to ruin DICE’s beautiful, dynamic masterpiece.

If you’ve read anything at all about EA’s new Battlefront II, released on November 17th, you’ve probably heard about its oppressively implemented ingame economy. Iconic playable characters are locked behind massive paywalls of ingame credits, and other features can only be accessed through an opaque loot-box system, distributing weapons and vehicle upgrades almost completely randomly.

Reddit user TheHotterPotato calculated that it would take the average player 40 hours of gameplay to earn the credits necessary to unlock franchise legends such as Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker. Fans were livid. An EA Community team member attempted to assuage their anxieties, writing on Reddit that “the intent [was] to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes.” This response quickly became the most downvoted Reddit post of all time, and EA was widely accused of making desirable

*********** The game’s saving grace? It’s fucking amazing.

DICE, Criterion and EA’s newly formed Motive Studios have combined a truly immersive Star Wars experience with brilliantly fierce first-person-shooter gameplay.

Huge webs of lasers pass over your head as you charge into a ravine. You have to find a rocket launcher to stop the rolling tanks that are advancing the line of the droid army. You turn around a corner to find a spindly battle droid—luckily, you saw it first. Your blaster coughs and whines as blue light churns the droid into the ground.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a grenade fly towards you. You dive, desperately, in any direction, but are still rocked by the explosion. Your visage tinged red and your armor covered in soot, you clamber to your feet and run,

to the prohibitively high cost of accessing Battlefront II’s rewards, and the corresponding incentive to unlock them with real-world dollars instead of hours of gameplay, you can see why Star Wars gamers refused to buy the game in protest. Surprisingly, EA responded to the outrage by deactivating in-game purchases, though they promised to bring it back “at later date, only after [they’ve] made changes to the game.”

While this addresses the possibility of giving an unfair advantage to payers willing to pay more, it doesn’t fix all of the game’s problems. The choice to not only lock Skywalker and Vader but to make them prohibitively expensive is bizarre. This is only one of “a series of wrongheaded high-level decisions,” as David Their put it in Forbes, that obfuscate the grandiosity for which this game could be destined. It seems like the people in charge at EA, and maybe even Disney, aren’t really Star Wars fans—hopefully continued dialogue with the community will steer them in the right direction.

no longer knowing where, no longer thinking, scrambling to find a quiet corner where your health can recharge as flashes of light, explosions, the twang of blaster bolts and screams overwhelm your senses. You see a flash of red and black before you. Is that Darth Maul? You point your blaster at it and it’s gone, until it appears behind you, and you’re lifted into the air, grasping at your throat until you’re thrown into a wall and the sweet embrace of death.

You’re mashing the button to respawn.

Perhaps what excites me the most about the gameplay is the visual detail. No corner is overlooked— many random surfaces are peppered with carefully rendered space junk, and forest floors are crawling with vines and insects. Traipsing off the beaten path often yields surprising discoveries. For example, on the Death Star map, the wrecked interior of a CR95 corvette is rich with hanging wires and sparking panels that almost tell a story of their own, yet all of this is only experienced by the Rebel Alliance in the first few minutes of gameplay. If

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THE GRAPE

you really want to win, you’ll run past all of this and into the fray, but you also have the option to stay and admire the scenery before you run off of the ship and onto the Death Star.

For the most part, however, maps are constructed to encourage movement across their best vistas, leading players towards a series of lightly narrated objectives— fuel cells to detonate, hangers to protect, secret plans to deliver, etc.—usually taking the form of small areas of space to control (similar to the 2005 Battlefront II’s command posts) or objects to retrieve and bring safely to another location.

The sensations of the battle are nearly as immersive as the detailed universe. A barrage of light, smoke and noise from blasters and explosions bombard the player in moments of intense combat. Blaster bolts look smaller and faster than they did in DICE’s last Battlefront, and clicks and clacks make their shots sound more like bullets popping out of guns. If the last game was most successful in making players feel like they were in the original trilogy, this one has updated the aesthetic to match the modern CGI of the newest movies, heightening the intensity while sacrificing little of the magic.

Space battles have many of the same perks. The player has far more control over their ship than they did in the last game, with hard-coded buttons for evasive maneuvers swapped out for manual control of the ship’s rotation. This makes spinning and weaving way more fun, and useful, which is good for navigating the stunning new maps: Massive shifting waterscapes of the seas beneath the clone labs of Kamino can be navigated by spacecraft, flying and spinning amongst towering waves that lurch beneath the chrome platforms and walkways. The wreckage of the second Death Star is riddled with mines, providing cover from enemy fighters until you turn too fast and crash. A giant space station at Fondor is under attack—race through its tunnels to blow up its weak spots (or stop your enemies from doing so!). Capital ships have made a return, but not quite as they were in 2005.

You can’t wantonly attack their critical systems, nor can you board them and battle on foot within, but narrative objectives similar to the land battles guide you through scripted conflicts to destroy or defend them.

It’s not the same as the old Battlefront II, nor as DICE’s 2015 Battlefront. Changes have been made, for better or worse—I miss galactic conquest and the 501st legion. It might also be a little overwhelming for beginners, especially those not particularly adept at firstperson-shooters, but if you know what you’re doing it’s indubitably fun as hell. EA has promised a steady stream of free additional content, and so far they’ve been pretty responsive to fan feedback. They groundwork has been laid. I can’t wait to see where they take it next!

Contact contributing writer Jack Rockwell at jrockwell@oberlin.edu.

ART PROVIDED BY JACK ROCKWELL

for a playing field untarnished by any advantages the items might offer.)

Battlefront II has locked up items that are simultaneously more impactful in gameplay and closer to franchise fanatics’ hearts. As Reddit user MBMMaverick wrote, “Seriously? I paid 80$ to have Vader locked?”

Fans of Star Wars have been playing as their favorite characters in video games for decades, and the sudden 40 hour commitment to unlock them is affronting to the point of insult. Instead of something new being available, something dear to fans felt like it was taken away.

That the unlocked characters become permanently available to some players, while remaining entirely offlimits to others, makes the inequality between players who have and haven’t unlocked them far more dramatic than that created by the REQs of Halo 5. Adding these factors

The Bluest Eye: A Review

BY ELIANA CARTER, CASEY REDCAY CONTRIBUTING WRITER, ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR On December 2nd at 7:30pm, we entered Hall Auditorium on a mission—rumours had been circulating that Nobel Prizewinning author Toni Morrison herself was perhaps in attendance for the theater department’s performance of The Bluest Eye. After scouting out the auditorium, we eventually realized that this was just a rumour, one that likely stemmed from the fact that the novel’s adapter, Lydia Diamond, attended The Bluest Eye’s opening night performance on Thursday, November 30th. It may have been wishful thinking, but Toni Morrison is, in fact, from Lorain, Ohio, and the novel and play are both situated in Lorain in the 1940s.

The plot follows the tragic life of Pecola Breedlove, an eleven-year-old who wants nothing more than to be loved by her family and schoolmates. Instead she faces constant ridicule and abuse. She

blames her dark skin and prays for blue eyes, sure that love will follow. Preserving the beauty of Morrison’s original text, this powerful adaptation captures the lasting impact that a legacy of racism has had on a community, a family, and an innocent girl.

“As a director, I am attracted to stories that reveal people and experiences that often go unnoticed,” says Associate Professor of Theater and Africana Studies Justin Emeka ’95, about why he chose to direct The Bluest Eye this semester. In explaining the impact the novel had on his own life, he said: “it helped me understand the danger of how beauty is defined in America and its impact on Black women.”

Emeka found himself particularly drawn to Lydia Diamond’s adaptation, because it succeeds in “honoring the poetry of the novel while also inventing a new theatrical form with which to deliver the story.” The

staging of this production masterfully blended realism with surrealism through creative uses of set design, music, and video projection to tell Morrison’s story.

Upon first glance, the scene is visually striking; the multi-layered set was simple yet immersive, made up of large rustic wooden structures. As the story progressed, the set came to life, offering visual aides including videos and images to construct multi-dimensional locations that expressed the expanse of time and emotion. To the left of the stage sat Oberlin alumnus, Caylen Bryant ‘17, who accompanied the play with a beautiful live cello, bass and vocal performance.

The play was anchored by Deja Alexander and Yemko Pryor’s performances as sisters named Claudia and Frieda, who at times also serve as narrators. Calypso Simone’s performance

as Pecola Breedlove was full of sincerity and an energy that brought the whole story to life. The cast as a whole was exceptional— bringing a level of emotional intensity to their roles that made the play all the more heart-wrenching. As play ended, we rose with the crowd in a standing ovation.

Walking out of Hall, we found ourselves heavy with emotion and awe in a way that only great theater can achieve. Despite having failed at our mission of catching a glimpse of Toni Morrison, we think her work was done justice, and that if she had been there, she would have been just as moved as we were.

Contact contributing writer Eliana Carter at ecarter@oberlin.edu and Arts & Culture editor Casey Redcay at credcay@ oberlin.edu.

Special Screenings at the Apollo Theater

BY CELESTE DEBARDELABEN CONTRIBUTING WRITER Approximately every other week, the Apollo supplements its regular movies with special weekend screenings. Last year these showings included films such as Fantastic Mr. Fox, Spirited Away and Mad Max: Fury Road. The Apollo often chooses films with cult followings such as The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Napoleon Dynamite, or ones that have filmbuff status like 2001: a Space Odyssey (which, in my opinion, is a terrible film to screen at midnight on a Saturday, because I immediately fell asleep and then left at the intermission of the 3 hour-long movie). The specific films chosen for these special screenings often seem at odds with the films that are screened regularly, mostly because the supplemental movies are an eclectic mix of high and lowbrow films.

The program for this year seemed so eccentric it made me question the process through which these films are chosen, and why they pick these movies.

The Apollo is run by a larger movie theater company called Cleveland Cinemas, and although they share a building with the Cinema Studies department, it has no specific involvement with the films that they play.

I reached out to the program director, Dave Huffman, who told me some of the questions he considers when choosing films. These include“What types of films have worked well in the past? What films are currently available to play? [And] What films have the right mix of fan base and current nostalgia that will attract an audience?” It is interesting to think about what movie

would make someone, specifically a college student who doesn't regularly attend the movies, go to a screening. I think the midnight showings on weekends are a part of this, as well as the low ticket prices which the Apollo is able to maintain because it is classified as a rural theater, exempting it from the minimum ticket price requirement set by studios. It seems that all of the films are chosen from the general pop culture lexicon and then picked specifically depending on their nostalgia or relevance to our generation and even to Oberlin in particular. Most of us are personally familiar with the movies Napoleon Dynamite and Fantastic Mr. Fox because they have come out at times in our lives that are either familiar or nostalgic.

The theater shows different movies every year with the exception of Rocky Horror, which is screened every semester. Based on Dave’s comments about the films in the past which were under-attended, the films need to strike the right balance between cult classic and mainstream knowledge. A John Waters film, for example, that was played several years ago, was not well-attended despite Waters’ status as a classic counterculture director which Dave described as “very Oberlin”. I asked if the college had any sway on the decision-making process to which he responded: “I have solicited feedback from the Theater staff and students in the past. Historically the films that some of these people have been most passionate about have not done well, so I rely more on my experience of roughly 30 years of programming movies.” This response invokes a solitary image of Dave locked away

alone picking movies. Which is surprisingly accurate, as he did mention that he is the only person who chooses the movies. When I asked if he lets his own personal opinions about movies affect his decisions he said he tried not to, offering an example: he explained that he chose Space Jam although he had never seen it and had no interest in seeing it. Despite this flaw (his lack of appreciation for Space Jam) Dave did reveal that next semester the Apollo will show another Miyazaki film and Rocky Horror, but besides that nothing is finalized.

Overall, there are many nuances and legal specifics that go into choosing the films, specifically because the studios often have fixed criteria for which films can and cannot be shown, and theaters must be approved on a case by case basis to play certain movies. It was interesting to talk to someone who was often disappointed by a lack of support for experimental and queer filmmakers based on only the number of people who came to certain movies. Dave was surprised that indie films like Fantastic Mr. Fox or Queer films like Bound have had such poor attendance. His comments suggest a strange situation in which perhaps Oberlin’s mainstream movie tastes have subverted their own reputation as a politically progressive art school.

Contact contributing writer Celeste deBardelaben at cdebarde@oberlin.edu.

DECEMBER 15, 2017

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Drink Drank Drunk Spicy Mexicocoa

BY SYD GARVIS COLUMNIST

Steps: • Heat up a mug of milk in the microwave and make hot cocoa from directions on package.

• While still hot, stir in and dissolve honey or maple syrup. Add 1 shot of tequila, and enjoy.

Adapted for college students from FoodNetwork recipe.

Let me take you back to a simpler time: December of 2006 on Main Street in a lil ol’ town in Virginia. The last float in our Christmas parade every year is the Grinch on his teetering, big red sleigh, played by this kooky guy who is famous in our town for creating a full scale model of Stonehenge out of foam and calling it Foamhenge (if you don’t believe me, google it). The parade is great, but every year I looked forward to my friend Olivia’s Christmas party. Stuff always happens at Olivia’s Christmas party. One year, we all sampled and spat out a stolen beer. Another year, when we were much younger, the girls took the basement as our stronghold while we waged a pillow war against the boys.

This Christmas party was also my favorite because you really got to see how the adults acted after too much egg nog or mulled wine. I didn’t really know what being drunk meant in 5th grade, but boy, was it entertaining to watch other people navigate social situations while intoxicated. Olivia’s house had a balcony overlooking the kitchen and part of the living room area and we would watch all the adults from our vantage point. This particular year, my friends and I were feeling particularly mischievous while watching the

adults below. We started dropping things down onto the adults’ heads until we were admonished and the trick lost its novelty. We found other stuff to do until later that night, when we returned to the balcony to observe the socializing adults again. This time, my friend Wil called down to one of our friend’s mom’s to throw him some snacks from all the bowls and plates covered in green and red food. And she did! With a glass of wine in one hand, our friend’s mom, Karen, grabbed a sizeable slice of frosted chocolate cake with her free hand, and chucked it up to Wil on the balcony! Here’s the best part: Wil caught the piece of cake! He caught it and put it in his mouth. She said, “You want some more?” And as legend has it, she threw another piece that hit the wall below the balcony.

That part we all know is true and factual. It’s the 11 years of retelling that have muddled, yet enhanced, the details of this story. Some say she kept throwing up to four pieces of cake, others say Olivia’s mom intervened and the second piece of cake would have made it, others say Karen started throwing Cheetos and pretzels up to us on the balcony.

Contact columnist Syd Garvis at sgarvis@oberlin.edu.

Letter of Recommendation

Wild Mango

BY ANNA POLACEK COLUMNIST

Situated snugly between Huntington Bank and Verite Stained Glass Inc. on South Main Street sits Wild Mango Restaurant. I don’t know much about banks or stained glass, and prior to last Wednesday night, I didn’t know much about the mysterious Wild Mango, either. If you’re struggling to create a mental picture here, it’s the dark windowed building with the image of the obscure looking rice cubes with holes in them. I am disappointed to report that those rice cubes are, in fact, not on the menu.

One Wednesday night, a group of three friends and I decided we were going to try it out.

Upon stepping inside, we were greeted by dim lighting, soft jazz, and a room coated entirely in black velvet. The server lead us down the aisle

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THE GRAPE

of tables, which felt a lot like “the café car on a really classy train,” as put by Casey. “We’re riding the Wild Mango Express,” Eliana chimed in. We passed only one other party of old people.

Our table was dimly lit and hidden inside two velvet covered benches that made it feel like we had our own room. Upon sitting down, Megan put it best: “I feel like I’m in a casket.”

As I scanned the menu, I found myself increasingly confused over the theme of Wild Mango cuisine. I pulled up their website to find the description “multi-culturally influenced cuisine.”. If one thing’s for sure, it’s this extremely unclear description – or that there is really no theme at all. Eliana ordered the chicken cheese cake, Megan the curry noodles, and Casey the

The Chicken Cheesecake

ART BY SYD GARVIS (TOP) AND PICTURES BY ANNA POLACEK (BOTTOM)

What you’ll need: • Hot cocoa • Milk • 1 shot of tequila • ½ shot of maple syrup or honey

can attest to this. Casey’s warm salad was “overwhelmed by wonton strips, but still good.”

My final review is this: if you’re looking for familiar and safe food options, head to the Feve. "I wouldn't give it 3 Michelin stars” said Megan, “maybe not even 1." But if you’re looking for an experience, I highly recommend you take a ride on the Wild Mango Express.

Contact columnist Anna Polacek at apolacek@oberlin.edu.

PICTURE PROVIDED BY ANNA POLACEK

warm chinese salad. I was feeling a little bit iffy about my options, so I instinctively ordered the fried baby calamari for the whole table. More old people sat down.

The fried baby calamari came out eerily fast, and the rest of the food soon after. Each of the dishes were served on obscurely shaped plates, with extremely differing portion sizes. Megan’s curry soup was served in a “trough” big enough to serve a family of four. Despite the fact that it didn’t taste much like curry, she made a decent sized dent. Upon review of the chicken cheese cake, Eliana described it as “solidified chicken soup.” I

The Trough

Why I Went to Sleep at 10:30 on the Night of Solarity and you can, too!

BY PJ MCCORMICK COLUMNIST As a first-year at Oberlin, there are two things one implicitly understands about first-semester Solarity; 1: that you must go, and 2: that you must do molly.

I can’t remember how these truths are gleaned, but they inevitably are, and every first-year knows them.

Being the good little Obie I am, last year at my inaugural Solarity (featuring celebrity DJ MetroBoomin, lest we forget) I loaded my mouth-hole up with vodka and PBR, my nose-holes up with molly, and headed to Hales to get pushed around by humongous dudes that I Swear To God I’ve never seen in any context other than that gym (and maybe Country Splitchers).

And it was transcendent: the colors were so bright, people spinning down from the ceiling on silk, anything shiny was so shiny. For like 45 minutes. Then I started to sober up in an antique gym, finding myself absolutely coated in other people’s sweat, and lost.

This year, I knew something had to give. Even so, I still went through all the motions: waiting eagerly for the headliner to be announced, buying a ticket, and even getting ridiculously fucked-up in the hours before the concert was set to begin. But sitting, collapsed and crazy drunk in an armchair in South Hall Dorm #268, I had a profound realization: I don’t have to go to Solarity.

You don’t have to go to Solarity! You don’t at all! It seems I wasn’t the only one to have had that thought this year, either. Although student reactions

were all over the board, I heard a few that were nearly identical to my own.

“I didn’t go to Solarity because I accidentally got super high and once I realized that I could just go home and sleep I had to do that,” said local Midwestern cutie Anna Polacek (OC ‘20). Was a trend — of possible subconscious self-sabotage by over-consumption — developing? At the Grape writer’s meeting, I couldn’t find a single attendee.

Other student reactions, however, were more positive. “Get off your high horse, whitey” said Adriana Teitelbaum (‘20). Adriana, like many of us, likes to party, and is unconcerned with Solarity’s reputation.

“It was kinda fun!” said another sophomore, and serial partier, Malaya Nordyke (‘20). “But I feel like you can’t do Solarity unless you’re really drunk.”

Last year’s wintertime MetroBoomin performance was the first Solarity that current sophomores and juniors had ever witnessed; the organization was unable to schedule a winter or spring event in the 2015-2016 due to a myriad of issues, and they intended to make a splash back into the Oberlin scene.

I sat down with Daniel Marcus (‘17), the treasurer of the mysterious organization, to get an insider’s view on Solarity’s perception and relation to Oberlin party culture.

Daniel got involved with Solarity when he was a first-year, after attended a Northern-Lights themed event in Hales called Aurora. “This is kind of weird,”

he says, “but I didn’t have a great time. Especially at that time in my life. You’re a confused, nervous freshman who doesn’t have that many friends — you’re not a hard partier. It’s very confusing to go to an event like that with loud music, crazy light. It’s like...I’m so disoriented.”

But, the Solarity board: they’re just like us! Despite his lackluster time at Aurora, Daniel attended a general interest meeting for the club the following Spring, and has been involved with Solarity ever since.

On Solarity’s drug culture, Marcus said: “It’s something that I personally would never encourage.

We’re still grappling with that problem. I don’t want to tell anyone: you can’t do drugs, but it’s important to me that everyone’s able to stay safe.”

Marcus insists that Solarity staff makes an effort to be particularly cognizant of student’s health and safety: “We really care about safety, and do a lot of stuff to make sure that that happens. As far as drugs go: we are going to continue to do things like have bystanders at our events, looking out for people who are incapacitated and can’t give consent. And continue to make sure that, in whatever way we can minimize those risks, we do minimize them. That could be anything from printing reminders on the tickets, to having a lot of staff near the doors.”

Contact columnist PJ McCormick at pmccormi@ oberlin.edu.

DECEMBER 15, 2017

13

First-Years Face Instability of Creative Writing Department

BY NELL BECK CONTRIBUTING WRITER For many high school students interested in creative writing, Oberlin College offers a unique opportunity for studying and majoring at the undergraduate level. With impressive faculty and a rigorous program (one that involves applying for most courses), it attracts many prospective students looking to pursue a passion for, and usually an eventual career in, creative writing.

However, recent events have spurred many questions about the strength of the department and its future. On November 16th, Bernard Matambo, the former Associate Professor of Creative Writing, resigned amid accusations of sexual misconduct towards students.

This comes amidst a wave of faculty losses within the department, with the departure of Shane McCrae this past spring and the impending leave of Dan Chaon at the end of this year.

All of these sudden changes come as a shock to many students and faculty members. Of course, there are the feelings of betrayal and disgust that may arise from learning about the inappropriate conduct of Matambo, especially for those who knew him and saw him as a beloved professor. Alone, this incident is jarring. When it is compounded with the loss of two other professors, leaving the department with just three core faculty members next semester, concerns about the future of the program need to be addressed.

For current first-years planning on pursuing a major in creative writing, though, there is understandable con-

16

cern about their own futures at Oberlin.

Most first-years did not know the faculty members leaving the department, but they did come into college with the expectation that they would be able to learn under the stable and impressive program that was advertised to them when they were prospective high school students. That the department is going through so much disruption is a lot to take in for first year students, especially when one is only in their first semester of college.

with,” he said, “but I’ve definitely thought about — if the turnover continues and I can’t find somebody who’s willing to sit with me and actually work with me personally to improve my writing — I have definitely thought about moving to another place where I could get that kind of attention… It’s not at the forefront of my mind, but if things do continue to go south then I’ll think about it a little more.”

Kate Fishman, another first-year who is planning on majoring in creative

FOR CURRENT FIRST-YEARS PLANNING ON PURSUING A MAJOR IN CREATIVE WRITING, THOUGH, THERE IS UNDERSTANDABLE CONCERN ABOUT THEIR OWN FUTURES AT OBERLIN. The fact that there is so much happening within the department so early in these students’ college careers has brought up the question of whether first-years should consider transferring if the department continues to have problems. Lee Khoury, a first-year prospective Creative Writing major, says that, while he is very happy here so far, it has crossed his mind.

“I love all my friends and I love the English faculty that I’ve interacted

THE GRAPE

writing, expressed concern but does not feel the need to consider leaving or switching majors.

“I came in with these implicit expectations that the faculty would be somewhat stable... but I don’t think it seems like all is lost... I really like it here, and there’s still a department,” she said.

It is reasonable for first-years to express concern that, after just arriving here, they might not be able to experience the same creative writing program that older students here at Oberlin have.

It is stressful and confusing enough to be a freshman in college, without having to also worry about the stability of the department of your intended major.

But for all students, it is disheartening to see a creative writing program like Oberlin’s go through so much unrest.

And it begs the

question of the sustainability of the creative writing discipline in an increasingly demanding and technologically-centered higher education. What does all of the volatility occurring at Oberlin say about the collegiate study of creative writing as a whole?

For a long time, there has been widespread debate over creative writing degrees, and whether or not they are practical for those looking to pursue careers after college. Novelist and former creative writing professor at the University of Kent Lucy Elmann once described creative writing as “the biggest con-job in academia,” both in terms of preparing students or the job market and providing them with the skills necessary to improve their own writing.

Economic practicality is a viable con-

cern for students who plan on pursuing this major under a department that, right now, is so unstable. It costs a lot of money to go to this school– being able to pay that money back involves securing good jobs and entering into strong professional networks. For creative writing majors, especially those just starting out at Oberlin, that might be harder to do if the department continues to experience these kinds of personnel problems.

The benefits of a good creative writing program, though, are clear. Creative writing, and the arts in general, are grossly neglected at all levels of education leading up to college. Students who are passionate about creative writing deserve a space in which they can focus on and build upon their craft. Until

our primary and secondary education systems improve, college is that space.

Schools like Oberlin that promote the study of the arts and take them seriously are important for providing the foundations and resources upon which artists and writers can build their voices and pursue their talents.

Look at all of the impressive Oberlin alumni who went on to be successful writers: Alison Bechdel, Ishmael Beah, Tracy Chevalier. There are also those who studied creative writing and went on to find success in a variety of other fields, such as journalism, publishing, and radio such as Robert Krulwich and Jad Abumrad of NPR’s RadioLab. And although Dan Chaon is leaving soon, he is doing so to develop an HBO series for his latest book, Ill Will - a very impres-

sive accomplishment that speaks to the level of talent that can be found within the creative writing faculty here.

Oberlin’s creative writing program has always been strong, and I doubt that will change any time soon. It’s possible that all of this disruption could turn into a good thing - it might even give the department a chance to improve. It can feel like the arts are always under attack, in one way or another - whether politically, academically, or otherwise.

But writing, and all art, is what makes our society kinder, smarter, and more open-minded hopefully Oberlin’s commitment to such values will persist.

Contact contributing writer Nell Beck at nbeck@oberlin.edu.

Our Work Remains Valuable In the wake of Bernard Matambo’s resignation

BY OLIVIA CALDWELL CONTRIBUTING WRITER From my first semester at Oberlin, Bernard Matambo quickly became my favorite professor and a trusted mentor. He was clearly invested in my growth not only as a writer, but as a person. The nature of the creative writing discipline is one that fosters close student-professor relationships. Like many of Bernard’s students, I found him to be the biggest supporter of my writing, but also a person I could turn to in times of crisis. When I was a first year, Bernard was the first real adult I ever told about the sexual assault I experienced in high school. His support was always professional and centered on my writing, never crossing the boundaries of student-teacher relationships, but at the same time he never got bogged down in the veil of authorship. From my first semester and over the past two years, Bernard has been there for me in processing the trauma of my assault through writing. This past semester, working with him on my nonfiction required an even deeper level of vulnerability and trust. Knowing now the nature of the allegations against Bernard that led to his resignation, of course I am left to wonder about the progress I have made and

CASEY REDCAY ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR the validity of his support. I’ve sifted through my memories of him, searching for some slip that might make the gravity of this news feel real and plausible,

and true.

In the Creative Writing department it can feel like a battle for a professor’s attention and praise. Close bonds with

AS STUDENTS WHOSE WORK WAS CREATED WITH BERNARD’S GUIDANCE, WE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO QUESTION THE VALIDITY AND WORTH OF WHAT WE HAVE CREATED. but not a single moment ever came to me. This is not to say he is not a person capable of harm, or that what has been said about him is untrue. I know the power and importance of believing in survivors when they come forward with their stories. And I do believe in these allegations made against Bernard, even if they go against my own experience of him. However, I’ve come to realize the necessity in believing in myself; my own experiences, my progress, my healing— these also, are all still real, important,

professors become more than just relationships, they are commodities that accrue even more value post-Oberlin in an industry that is all about personal connections. And for those of us who were close with Bernard, particularly those of us who are women, we now find ourselves in a strange and isolating position. What does it mean now to say Bernard was the most important student/teacher relationship I’ve had in my life? What does it mean now to both believe in these allegations while still

believing in my own experience?

The nature of many creative writing student-teacher relationships is one of vulnerability and openness. The fact that boundaries were crossed and positions of power were abused is irresponsible and should not be excused. However, projecting a singular image and legacy of Bernard’s relationships at Oberlin implicates and hurts countless others who had explicit student teacher relationships with him. The nuances of this should not be underemphasized. What happens when there is a singular understanding of his role in his students’ lives, especially female students, is all of their work gets contextualized in relation to his relationships with Sarah Chesire and others. As students whose work was created with Bernard’s guidance, we should not have to question the validity and worth of what we have created. The inherent personalness of what is being made in creative writing spaces opens the door to student/teacher relationships that operate differently from those in other disciplines. This is not a

DECEMBER 15, 2017

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product of whom the creative writing professor is, it is a fact of writing as an art form, like many others. Women who have excelled professionally in their creative careers should not have to reassess or question their work in light of these misconducts only now surfacing.

Their work remains strong, it always was strong, and instances of sexual misconduct on the behalf of men in powerful mentor positions should not be granted the ability to destabilize or lessen what they have created.

My intention is not to excuse any of Bernard’s actions, but to remind myself and anyone else who has worked with him that our work remains strong, important, and most significantly ours.

Where this dialogue gets complicated is in understanding that the work I

in helping me create it. Many of the more vocal students condemning his actions at the moment were never Bernard’s students. The personal improvements I have made because of my work with Bernard feel fragile and removable when the general dialogue surrounding his role in student’s lives is understood as being problematic and damaging.

I should be able to hold my work and my improvements to the same levels of importance and worth as I did before Bernard’s resignation, because in truth, nothing has changed. I was fortunate to have a clearly defined student teacher relationship with Bernard and I should not be made to question this truth, nor doubt the validity of his encouragement and commend of the work I created.

The silence on behalf of the people whose lives were positively changed and affected by Bernard should be a telling void.

The point of showing the value of Bernard’s guidance, trust, and encouragement is not done in defense of his actions, but in defense of the legacy of his importance in my work and

WHEN YOU CONDEMN A HUMAN, AND NOT THEIR ACTIONS, THERE IS NO ALLOWANCE FOR NUANCE OR A PLURALISM OF EXPERIENCES. cherish the most, that which has been the most fulfilling for me personally is strong in part because of Bernard’s role

many others’. In many ways his advice and guidance is inseparable from what I have created during my time at Oberlin.

As it stands now, I and other creative writing students are being made to feel a re-examination of our work is necessary, because of how personally noticeable Bernard’s presence is in what we have created. This is a hurtful and problematic sentiment for those it affects.

It makes our work less, and because of how intimately our work and ourselves are connected, it deeply disturbs our concepts of self-value, and truth.

What is perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of this situation, is that it can be too simple to claim someone as immoral, or evil when they have acted irresponsibly and harmfully, and wash your hands of having to understand more critically how your statements can affect individuals who are not directly implicated in the allegations at hand. When you condemn a human, and not their actions, there is no allowance for nuance or a pluralism of experiences. When you universalize the intentions of a mentor as only exploitative, you are implicitly questioning the

work and experiences of their mentees.

It is crucial for the future of creative relationships in academic settings to have workshops for professors, teaching how to remain emotionally available for collaborative creative achievements, but learning how to handle situations in which it is no longer appropriate to be as involved in a student’s personal life.

Creative writing should be understood as a discipline as centered in academia as any other. Relationships between creative teachers and students should be understood as professionally rooted, regardless of how personal the content of discussion and workshop is. Sexual misconduct isn’t the only way that student-professor relationships in the creative writing department can or have become unhealthy. As a whole, this is a department that has plenty of room for improvement in terms of how these relationships are built and how they function—Bernard’s resignation should not serve as a reason to not continue to have these conversations.

Contact contributing writer Olivia Caldwell at ocaldwel@oberlin.edu and Arts & Culture Editor Casey Redcay at credcay@oberlin.edu.

Time to Check Your Instagram, Marvin Krislov

BY SYLVIE FLORMAN CONTRIBUTING WRITER Our social media happy, former college president Marvin Krislov stirred up controversy right before Thanksgiving when he decided to Instagram a picture of himself and United States Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos. The photo, simply captioned “Meeting Department of Education Secretary Betsy DeVos,” prompted a flood of comments, which have since been removed and the comment function disabled. But that hasn’t stopped Krislov’s enraged Instagram followers from expressing their feelings about the image, nor has it halted Krislov’s use of social media in general.

I think the question that most of us are thinking now is, what would motivate Krislov to post a photo like this, and what was he hoping to achieve in doing so?

For those of you who are first-years or are unfamiliar with the above personalities, Krislov served as Oberlin College President for ten long years before his hasty departure last spring for a Pres-

18

idential position at Pace University in sion” for education. DeVos, the conlower Manhattan. He left Oberlin in the servative pick by President Trump for midst of some controversy, including Secretary of Education, might be best the termination of Rhetoric and Compo- known for her crusade against Obamasition Professor Joy Karega over alleged era policies concerning sexual assault anti-Semitic remarks, as well as a media on college campuses, as well as being a flurry of stories major advocate about cultural AS THE CURRENT PRESIDENT OF for private and appropriation religious schoolA UNIVERSITY WHOSE STUDENT ing over Public at Oberlin. In general, Krislov BODY IS MAJORITY FEMALE, Education. Grossis best known for ly under-qualified FIRST GENERATION, AND NONhis fundraising for the position, abilities, rather DeVos has repeatWHITE, HE OWES MORE TO THE than for his comedly threatened munication skills INDIVIDUALS WHOSE INTERESTS this nation’s pubor receptivity lic school system, HE CLAIMS TO SERVE. towards the feeland challenged ings and desires current policies of his student body. Nonetheless, he has that work to protect students and famalways prided himself on being an adilies alike. Just this past week, she supvocate for the value of higher education ported a tax bill that would give a break and has said it is his “passion”. to families paying for private education It’s become quite clear that DeVos and homeschooling by eliminating taxdoes not share this same kind of “pasation on and supplying monthly interest

THE GRAPE

for school savings accounts. This plan incentivizes families to keep, or enroll, their children in private education, and stands to benefit all types of schools— except those attended by the majority of the student population: public schools.

DeVos has also placed an emphasis on her religious affiliations, suggesting we use taxpayers funds to pay for private, religious schooling. DeVos has made it quite clear to the American public that if you cannot afford private school, or you’re a victim of sexual assault, she is not your woman.

Krislov and DeVos, two seemingly opposing forces in higher education, appear to have met while at the College Fed Challenge (think debate club but in college and involving economics), where Krislov’s team from Pace competed and won. That same day he posted a photo with the winning Pace Fed Challenge team. A day prior, and much in the same vein as the DeVos photo, Krislov posted a picture of him and New

York Senator Chuck Schumer. These photos got the brunt of the leftover scrutiny of comments from the DeVos ‘gram, including things like, “Love that you turned off the comments on that heinous Betsy DeVos photo Good work skirting accountability, always ” and “Is pace proud of you? I’m not Explain yourself.” To my knowledge, Krislov has not made any comments on the post, nor come out with any kind of statement about his actions.

Simply based on his Instagram feed, it’s clear that Krislov is a connected guy.

He is deeply involved in conversations about our country’s education system, and has particular influence in higher education. So, when I see Krislov posting photos with the kinds of people who I believe disagree with most of his said beliefs about education, and considering my own feelings about the direction our country should be taking to support and reshape our education system, I can’t help but think about the hypocrisy that lies between this picture and Krisolv’s words. Krislov takes pride in his family’s story of immigration and their classic rags to riches tale, and he frequently attributes much of his success to the education he received.

This model of success is one that DeVos stands to take away through her support of conservative Trump policies and bills, including the Tax Bill that is currently in negotiations.

In an article written in The Pace Chronicle in October 2017, Krislov’s statement to Pace students in response to DeVos’s challenge of sexual assault

policies on college campuses is quoted. “[Pace is] committed to maintaining our strong policies and procedures on issues related to sexual assault, discrimination, and harassment,” he says. Not only does sharing a photo of DeVos directly contradict the model of education that Krislov supposedly supports and spends much of his time telling us he believes in, but, as the current president of a university whose student body is majority female, first generation, and nonwhite, he owes more to the individuals whose interests he claims to serve.

Before departing Oberlin College, Krislov declared us a Sanctuary Campus, which meant that undocumented students wouldn’t be asked about their status in the United States. DeVos stands behind a president who wants to deport such individuals and threatens to take away funds that many of our peers rely on to attend an institution like Oberlin. By not only posing with DeVos, but then posting this photo to his public Instagram account, Krislov sends the message to his former and current students that their interests are not at the core of his mission.

It seems to me that Marvin Krislov knows how to use Instagram just about as well as Donald Trump knows how to use his twitter. Instead of using social media to his advantage, to engage with and support those who share his mission, Krislov uses his social media feed to boast about accomplishments and brag about celebrity encounters. Perhaps it’s simply due to a generational gap; perhaps those decades older than

us simply do not understand the sheer possibilities of persuasion and influence of Instagram. Nevertheless, it is time for Krislov to double check his Instagram before posting and think about the responsibility he has, not only to his current students, but to his former Oberlin students and peers.

In the height of an era in which social media can ignite productive discussions about possibilities and change, Krislov has shown us that he cares more about likes than the policies and systems which those likes uphold.

Krislov should look to the Instagram pages of politicians like Cory Booker and journalists like Nicholas Kristof, who use images and words to evoke change and who obviously understand the far-reaching, accessible space that places like Instagram and Twitter provide. He could even stand to learn from current Oberlin president Carmen Ambar, whose Instagram content tells her followers she feels passionate about the work and lives of Oberlin students, and cares about engaging with this population.

Instagram should not and is not a space reserved for the old or the young, nor is it only a place for the privileged

or the highly educated. What gives a space like Instagram the potential for success is the vast and diverse audience that its users’ words and pictures can reach. For that reason, I urge Krislov to think more critically about how and what he posts on Instagram, and for students to continue to call him out and make noise when he, or anyone else in their feed, for that matter, posts something offensive, ill-intended, or straight up ignorant. Instagram is a powerful, free tool, and is up to us to help shape the way America uses it.

Contact contributing writer Sylvie Florman at sflorman@oberlin.edu.

Not again

Politics is Bad in the Czech Republic Too

When you have less followers than Krislov...

LOVE the filter choice though

BY NICHOLAS VACHON CONTRIBUTING WRITER As a politics student studying abroad in the Czech Republic, I couldn’t help but become interested their domestic politics. It certainly helped that my RA was a young socialist member of the Green Party she helped me understand the basics so I could begin my exploration. Conveniently, fall of 2017 was the perfect time to get into Czech politics, as parliamentary elections were to be held in October. As I delved deeper, I was struck by the similarities to broader developments elsewhere in

Europe and The United States. I found the same anxieties that have marred America, France, and the United Kingdom to be evident in the Czech Republic. In some cases, these anxieties were even more explicit: xenophobia, fear of terrorism, division between urban and rural communities, skepticism of international bodies like the European Union, the collapse of Left and liberal parties, and the rise of radical rightwing alternatives – it was all there.

The Czech parliamentary election

in October was a sea change, but it (sadly) didn’t stray far from the tropes that have defined Western politics for the past few years. Anti-establishment party ANO, which translates to “yes” in Czech, swept the election, netting almost thirty percent of the vote, while establishment parties like the Social Democrats were crushed. Ano now stands as the dominant party by a massive margin with seventy seats in parliament, while the Civic Democratic Party (think Theresa May’s Tories)

are the second largest party with a relatively paltry twenty-five seats.

ANO’s leader, the billionaire media tycoon and former Finance Minister Andrej Babis, ran the now unremarkable soft-nationalist, anti-immigrant, pro-business campaign we’ve all become familiar with. Babis himself is a classic 21st century “anti-establishment” strongman, defined by corruption scandals and allegations of press interference.

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While Babis’s triumph is no cause for celebration, the same forces that propelled him to victory gave rise to an even more disturbing politics: Tomio Okamura’s Freedom and Direct Democracy, now the fourth-largest party in Parliament. They are the same kind of anti-Muslim far-right nationalist movement that has appeared in many other Western democracies. In many ways, Okamura’s positions echo Babis’.

Both support closer ties with Russia, are against immigration, and are skeptical of the European Union. And while Okamura certainly espouses more radical versions of these ideas, one cannot dispute their similarities.

The careful reader will have noticed that “Okamura” is not a traditional Slavic name. Okamura was raised by a half-Korean and half-Japanese father and a Czech mother — quite an unusual heritage for an anti-immigrant populist.

With all this talk of immigration and Islamophobia, one could be excused for believing under false pretenses that the Czech Republic has taken in multitudes of Muslim refugees. In actuality, the Czech Republic has taken in only twelve

(12 ) refugees, and the country is home to a scant thirty-five thousand Muslims, less than 0.1 percent of the population. The notion of a non-existent “thirteenth refugee” deciding the outcome of the Czech election had become a popular political joke. This throws the nature of Czech anti-immigrant and anti-Muslim rhetoric into sharp relief: it is fundamentally detached from reality. It is based on irrational racial resentment and cynical fear-mongering, and both Okamura and Babis utilized this angst. Babis and his ideological ilk play off of and abet Okamura’s brand of nationalist populism in the same way that Donald Trump gives tacit support to American white supremacists and neo-Nazis to their mutual benefit.

Despite a grim election, not all is bad in the Czech Republic. While the Right’s surge is in keeping with broader political currents, the Czech Pirate Party has bucked the trend. Now the third-largest party in Parliament, and the largest left-

WHILE CZECH POLITICS, LIKE AMERICAN POLITICS, IS CURRENTLY DEFINED BY THE MARRIAGE OF RACISM AND NEOLIBERAL ECONOMICS, THE PIRATES SUGGEST THAT THIS IS NOT AN EXISTENTIAL TRAP IN EITHER NATION wing party in the country, the Pirates ran on an anti-corporatist, pro-internet, and pro-civil liberties platform. Among their most important positions: ending corporate tax avoidance and tax havens, direct democracy defined by the ability of voters to remove politicians from office before the end of their term and popular election of all high-level state officials, an end to widespread government surveillance, and the expansion of the state’s role in education and healthcare. The Pirates found success as a left-wing anti-establishment movement against collusion between corporate interests and government officials and

radically in favor of the rights of the individual citizen. While Czech politics, like American politics, is currently defined by the marriage of racism and neoliberal economics, the Pirates suggest that this is not an existential trap in either nation. It gives hope that the rage at the failure of mainstream establishment politics can be fashioned into a productive, progressive force aimed at the roots of the inequality that lies at the foundation of our current crisis.

Contact contributing writer Nicholas Vachon at nvachon@oberlin.edu.

CZECH REPUBLIC (95 PERCENT SURE)

Trending Stories: Friend Knows Better Than To Touch Seemingly Innocent Scissor That Definitely Functions as Roommate’s Pubic Hair Shears Freshman Stumbles Into J Street U Meeting And Unfortunately Mixes up BDS for BDSM The Whole Time Literal Satan Cannot Understand Why One Chooses To Have Read Receipts On

An Apology to the Couple I Kept Getting Pushed Into at Solarity

BY ZOE JASPER BAD HABITS WRITER

Coyote Wandering Across Campus Slain Thanks To Free Chabad Metal Menorah Mama Sco Handing Out Wristbands For 1st Floor Mudd Bathrooms Sneeze on Fourth Floor of Mudd Causes Pangea to Reform

7 Most Inconvenient Times I Have Come and the 7 Most Inconvenient Times I Haven’t Come

BY ZOE COHEN AND ISABEL KLEIN CONTRIBUTOR AND BAD HABITS EDITOR

Dear Couple, I would like to extend a genuine apology to you for my actions at Solarity last weekend.

As a girl who reaches only 4’11,’’ I had no control over my movements. I was essentially a pinball, bouncing between the semi-hard ons of burly athletes and soft bois. You were unfortunately in my path, and I had no choice but to ram into you violently and interrupt your grinding.

Yes, I did make contact with one of your butts like six times, but I want you to know that I sincerely meant no harm or cockblocking. I would never want to come between you two and the bad drunken sex you probably had later, assuming he could even get it up.

But let’s face it, you’re not the only victims of this night. I was too short to even see Saba and could not remain stationary long enough for any consensual grinding. So again, I’m very sorry, but at least be grateful for what you have. You think my night ended in sloppy sex? No, I ate a personal pizza in bed at 2 am and watched The Office while miserably swiping left on every guy from Case Western on Tinder. I spent a solid hour getting ready and perfecting my cat eye, only to wake up with it smeared across my face in my own damn bed. And let’s not mention my cute lingerie, which ended up with a crusty coat of discharge but stayed on my body all night.

In conclusion, I am sosososo sorry for accidentally killing the mood, but at the end of the day, the three of us are depressed Oberlin students paying $70,000 to realize that no matter the size of the crowd at Solarity, we all die alone.

Best regards,

Times I Have Come 1. On the abductor machine in the back corner of the gym, surrounded by people who have seen you naked 2. In the middle of a cinema studies class the second the professor says “5 minute warning” after getting zero hours of sleep and not being able to answer a single question 3. While having sex with a 21 year-old male virgin 4. While strapped into a harness ziplining in Costa Rica 5. Literally all the time throughout second grade while people were around 6. After watching a Snapchat video of a guy who never made you come saying “yeahh, you like that buddy” while sliding an onion omelet on an oiled pan onto a plate for another guy who also never made you come.

7. Writing that alliteration ^ Times I Haven’t Come 1. After being eaten out for an hour by boyfriend of 6 months on Valentine’s day 2. After 3 hours of candle lit ylang-ylang essential oil massage foreplay 3. When new 8-speed rotating-and-heating clit obliterator 3000 vibrator arrived without it’s charging cord 4. Hooking up immediately after a comforting, open dialogue about sexual preferences, past relationships, and trust issues 5. Every hook up after meeting his mom 6. While getting with a dude whose capstone is titled She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman 7. 99/100 sexual encounters.

oe Jasper

DECEMBER 15, 2017

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Alternate Methods of Consuming Study Drugs: Note: Neither The Grape nor Bad Habits condones the abuse of legally prescribed ADHD medication.

Hey there students, Tired of taking pills? Railing lines got you down? Even boofing not doing it for you anymore? As you gear up for the great amphetamine binge that is finals week, check out some of these novel ways to consume your study drugs Vyvanse gum: Like that gum with caffeine in it, but a little more serious.

Adderall eye drops: Crush up a couple of pills, add powder to a bottle of Visine or favorite anti-redness eye drops. Perfect for kicking that lingering high and clearing your eyes at the same time Ear-boofing: Like boofing, but through your ears.

Spicy Dexedrine Blunt: Crush up one pill, sprinkle directly onto a Backwoods, add weed, roll, and smoke just like you would a regular blunt. Caution: Very Spicy.

Hot Adderall Salt Bath: Crush up 20 pills, add to a hot bath with Epsom (bath) salts. Absorb through the pores.

Direct Brain Osmosis: Massage powdered pills into your scalp they’ll seep directly into your brain. Recommended for highest level of drug-induced study stupor.

The Unfortunate Owl: Bus

BY PADDY MCCABE

Untitled

BY ANNA EISENMAN

MEME BY JACK ROCKWELL

22

THE GRAPE

News Briefs CAST Major Works On Dissolving Athlete/Non-Athlete Divide By Taking One For The Team And Fucking A Lacrosse Player

BY ISABEL KLEIN BAD HABITS EDITOR 132 WOODLAND STREET, OBERLIN OH -- Last Friday night, Elizabeth Weener, college senior and Comparative American Studies major, had enough with the intensity of the non-athlete/athlete divide when she saw her best friend, Laura Miller, faint upon immediately stepping onto North Quad. “The blaring red of the numerous varsity jackets that suddenly clouded my vision was a personal offense to me.” Laura explained. “I saw a few backwards hats; one kid was on a run. Suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore I felt violated, unsafe.”

After Elizabeth took her friend directly to Mercy, where Laura received a blood transfusion and a kidney transplant due to the pure blow of seeing a muscular STEM major pass by on a penny board, Elizabeth thought more critically about the divide. “This divide has become too much to handle. There’s only one way to solve this,” Elizabeth says, abruptly standing up and zombie-walking towards Woodland Street. “And I’m the one to do it.”

In an email update following her last sentiment, Elizabeth leaves a cryptic message that read, “Let’s just say, the deed is done. The divide has been dissolved.” Elizabeth reportedly was seen later that afternoon bounding away from Woodland Street as the clouds cleared, birds chirped, and the Dirty Dancing soundtrack blasted from an unknown speaker.

Word of the Day:

by Malaya Nordyke

OCS: Oberlin Couple Syndrome When someone gets into a relationship and then literally never goes out ever again.

“I haven’t seen Megan in a long time.”

“Yeah, she came down with a bad case of OCS”

24 Hour Finals Shelters Open in Mudd Library

BY LIAM RUSSO

BAD HABITS WRITER “Don’t forget to wipe your butt ” “It’s okay if you have to breathe oxygen ” “Use the hamster water bottle to hydrate; big gulps are scary ” Finals tips have been posted throughout the low budget, primary colored walls of Mudd library.

In a flood of student panic, finals week relief shelters have sprouted up all around campus in locations such as Bead Paradise II, Big Blue, King computer lab and the biggest: Mudd Library. All throughout the four floors of Mudd, there are various types of personal care stations. On the first floor there is a station labeled “self care” where students can walk up and ask for care and have a man slap them in the face and yell “do it yourself bitch ” As you move up, each floor is increases by amount of care needed. On the top floor, students are given VIP passes to Canyon Ranch in the Berkshires and can step their feet into a glistening hot pedicure bath for fish to munch at their decaying skin. Throughout the fourth floor, the Dough boys have been handing out bread rations all this week. However, they’ve been struggling with high student demand. “We know we need to bake more, but we refuse to lower our standards of quality. Every artisanal bread loaf is unique in its own way.”

But it’s not just the Dough boys that have set up shop in Mudd. Yerba Mate now has a permanent storefront that has replaced the writing center and the Cleveland Clinic Psychiatric Center has offered to buy the library from the college to build an Oberlin Branch.

Professors have also stepped in to cater to the high volume of students struggling to cope with the finals conditions. Collectively the administration has been working on original, cute email taglines about getting rest to prove their commitment to Oberlin cultural standards.

John Gillman, a professor of German and Sociology at the college, showed us an example of one of the email taglines one of his students turned in: “Hello little bean sprouts I know finals week is heckin hard and it’s really scary and cold out there so please take time to rest up, share bread rations and drink water if you have an esophagus Love, sweet bumble Bruna.”

Cough Drop, A Bunch of Change, Some Lint Left Atop Empire State Building From King Kong’s Pocket Years Ago 350 5TH AVENUE, NEW YORK, NY— Years following the filming of Peter Jackson’s expansive 2005 remake of the 1933 classic “King Kong,” Empire State Building window washers found remnants of pocket paraphernalia atop the iconic building. Reports have come out that movie star and giant ape, King Kong, may have left behind such items.

The discovery shocked window washers. “Nothing was even ape sized or anything like I expected,” shared Michael Pallen, Empire State Building washer.

“It was just some dimes and your typical cherry Luden.”

Kong’s pocket material will be auctioned off for thousands of dollars next week at the New York Auction House.

DECEMBER 15, 2017

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5 Telling Signs That Your Kombucha Scoby is Actually Lasagna

OBOOerlin

BY GALEY CAVERLY AND OLIVIA GOFFMAN CONTRIBUTORS

You guys we fucking did it.

After years of searching and

BY ISABELLE KENET AND COLE SHERIDAN being told by skeptics that we’re wasting both our time BAD HABITS WRITERS and our tuition looking for ghosts, we found something. To be honest, 1. It is full of delicious meats and cheeses. If your Kombucha scoby we’d sort of given up hope. Weeks had is bursting with seasoned ground beef or pork and thick with layers passed with no signs of paranormal activity, of mozzarella and parmesan cheese, there is a good chance it may be and motivation to write this beloved column lasagna. was at an all time low, but on December 9th, 2. It has wide, flat pieces of pasta. If it seems like your scoby actually 2017, the ghosts found us. has many layers of wide, flat semolina wheat pasta, then it may be the The night started off as innocently as any delicious italian entree known by many as lasagna. other, hitting the town with our gals But 3. It tastes just like Grandma used to make. If you take a bite of your there was something in the air. We were Kombucha scoby and are reminded of warm Christmas eves at your on our way to a classic Oberlin rager (go grandma’s house, there is a possibility that it is lasagna.

Yeo ) when we happened upon a dollhouse 4. It is very rich and tasty. Usually Kombucha scobies do not taste on the side of the road. It was too dark to delicious or hearty even if see what was inside the dollhouse, but our they are homemade with lots adventurous friend Callie Harlow reached in of love. If you are eating your blindly Immediately, she jumped back and scoby and it tastes warm and said “it’s covered in fake blood ” She thought good, it may be lasagna. this was funny and normal, we thought this 5. It looks like it may have was weird. We shined a light on it and to been baked in a pan and our dismay there was a severed Barbie doll’s then cut into the shape head oozing ketchup—a macabre scene to be of a square. Kombucha sure As paranormal professionals, we knew scobies are usually round this was not a good omen, but our two other and amorphous, so if female friends, Callie and Naomi, convinced yours is a layered square us to take one night off. After about five or rectangle, watch out: it minutes at the party, Boolivia insisted that could easily be a freshly baked we go home — little did we know what slice of lasagna. horrors awaited us there…

At home, Ghouley wanted to turn on some tunes. Something confusing about our house is that we have two identical, but both incredibly temperamental Bluetooth speakers. It’s very difficult to connect them to our devices and they can never be

What Makes a First Floor Mudd Fuccboi?

connected to the same device at once.

Ghouley grabbed both speakers, hoping to connect one of them to her phone.

She turned one on, without connecting it to anything, and immediately slow old-timey jazz music started to play. Slightly confused, Ghouley thought she must have left some device playing a strange jazz song she’d never heard before. She turned the first speaker off and gave the second one a try. It started playing the exact same jazz song.

We really want to emphasize that this was both technologically impossible and incredibly creepy. Despite being scared, Ghouley put on a brave face. Boolivia didn’t, and made her turn off the speakers. Then Boolivia’s lover arrived to pick her up and whisk her away to a jazz-free sex paradise.

Ghouley tried her hardest to pretend she didn’t mind being left alone in their ghostinfested apartment, but Boolivia can read Ghouley like a book. This was when the spookiest thing of all happened: we had a fight. It turns out that the real ghosts on Oberlin’s college campus are when people who love each other don’t communicate well about their evening plans. The fight lasted for around 45 seconds while Boolivia’s lover waited downstairs. Then we made up and cried in each other’s arms and forgot about the ghosts. But only until next semester…;)

BY BRIANNE COTTER, MEGAN MAGUIRE, ADRIANA TEITELBAUM AND ISABELLE KENET CONTRIBUTORS If you suspect that you or a loved one may in fact be a first-floor Mudd fuccboi, we urge you to read the following criteria. If any of these descriptors apply to you, please call 1-800-I-TAKE-UP-SPACE for 24/7 assistance. * * * *

Never has a backpack Takes up study rooms without studying Always walking around Loudly compares dick size with

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* * * * * * * *

THE GRAPE

other FFMFBs. Hasn’t showered; crusty Hovers over the CIT desk but needs no Information Technology help Calls out someone’s name Waits in line for bathroom and tries to talk to other line attendants Very loud Comes to Mudd exclusively for the social aspect Sits at the desktop computer but uses a laptop Avoids the non-Mac desktops at all

* * *

*

costs Watches vines / instagram meme videos on full volume with no headphones Flops around Faux poor attire • Carhartt • Threw out pants Mom bought from American Eagle to only wear pants from Dickies Starts conversations with people who are clearly trying to get work done

•

Plops down at a table with ex partner while ex has headphones in

Cancer: Keyword: DISTURBANCE. Okay, so there’s a lot going on over the next month and it’s gonna Shake Things Up. Then, the dust will settle again.

But while the universe brings on the ruckus, issues related to independence, dependence, and The Dance will rise up.

Work on your posture and stay strong.

Try doing the horse stance (Kung Fu Posture) regularly, it’ll totally channel the root chakra energy to your dome.

Leo: Keyword: SYSTEMS. Read Taurus’s scope, ‘cause it applies to you as well, for Ceres is located in the sign of Leo right now. But more particular to you, see yourself in the grand system, but know in which ways you facilitate or wield power. Or the ways in which you have No Power. What do you share?

What do you hold back? Think about power balance, and it will serve you to create it.

Horoscopes

have deemed it Your Ruling Planet, and I do too. Ceres is retrograde right now, and like the green plants that it rules, it’s taking

BY LAUREL KIRTZ

a rest. But not really, because each part of the natural cycle is crucial to the entire system. Time now to reflect on upon your role in the grand system, of which you are a tiny part. But know that you are crucial, just like the winter is crucial.

FOR THE WEEKS OF DEC. 15-29th, 2017 LOCAL ASTROLOGIST Aries: Keyword: HOSPITABLE. Relax, you. Relax. Be a shimmering, undisturbed, clear body of water, reflecting back all that looks into it. This invites peaceful things and people your way and lets you be actively calm, a time for enjoying art and being charitable. And then life picks up about a week into January, so expect jolts of fun.

Taurus: Keyword: INTERACTIVITY. Ceres is a large asteroid-turned-dwarf planet in recent times.Many astrologers

Gemini: Keyword: VIBRATION. They say when G D spoke the WORD, the vibrations created all of time and space.

And indeed, vibration IS language. We amplified our breath and the shape of our lips created the different sounds. VIBES. Be aware of your vibes right now, and vibe in the way that feels best — all will manifest accordingly. January 6th should be exciting.

Virgo: Keyword: PROTECTION. Now that Chiron, your ruling planet/asteroid is direct, the results of rehabilitation and regeneration are in effect. AND YOU ARE OKAY. Which I say cause you might be feeling anxious. Know this:you are buffered and you gotta have faith. Things could get tense from December 20th-29th, but keep that DAMN FAITH, ok ?

Libra: Keyword: NITTY-GRITTY. Focus NOT on the appearances of things right now, but the functionality. For if the gears are greased, the machine shall be working well, and obviously so. Think about what IT IS that make things happen. No cake is made without cake pans. No ringtones are made without music notes. No life is made without will and spirit. Song Suggestion: Solid as a Rock by Ashford Simpson.

Scorpio: Keyword: POW. It’s short for Power. Cause holy macaroni, January is FULL OF ACTION and ACTIVITY. Really You are ready to Make a Mark. And that’s it. POW January 7th-17th is Pow-Time.

Do your thing.

you might hope. It’s practical, it’s sober, it’s REAL. But fun in a practical, sober and REAL manner. All great paintings are built up from layers, starting with preparing the canvas. Your life is a painting, and it’s starting to look really freaking good, no matter how f-ed up it looked when you started.

Capricorn: Keyword: FOREST. The forest is rich with life. But it takes time for the extensive system of life to manifest. And one of its most important “creatures” is fungus. If some things don’t die COMPLETELY, nothing in the entire system can move forward. Basically, flowers bloom from shit. And for you, some lovely flowers are starting to bloom from shit starting in late December, and onwards.

Aquarius: Keyword: COMMAND. The gods will be with thee, especially in late January. And as that time approaches, think of yourself as a light-bearer, not just a water-bearer. Light and water are what it takes to make plants grow. You can shine now, as well as nourish roots. This is Leadership. And it’s super sexy, too. Be confident.

Pisces: Keyword(s): DEVELOPMENT/ ENVELOPMENT. It’s not normal for you to feel like a King or Queen, and REALLY feel it. There’s a part of you that knows that’s all silly and unreal. But while your ruler Neptune is retrograde, thinking differently is useful. Think (or feel) of it this way: like the sun in the sky, you shall provide your light unconditionally, and without reserve.

Astrologer, creative life-coach, and user of popular oracle tools such as tarot cards and the i-ching. You may have seen the Loracle around town dressed as Lucy from Charlie Brown providing advice for a mere 5 cents. She is now at The Grape, translating the whispers of angels into typed copy for your benefit.

Email questions for which you seek advice to The Grape at thegrape@oberlin.edu with subject line “LORACLE”.

Sagittarius: Keyword(s): BACKUP/ BACKDROP/BACKGROUND. At the end of December, things will be wrapping up in delightful way. But it’s Not All Fun as

DECEMBER 15, 2017

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Cybersex: A Conversation with Katya

By ISABEL KLEIN AND KATYA BOUAZZA-SALVA BAD HABITS EDITOR AND CONTRIBUTING WRITER My new friendship with Katya has mainly developed due to our tendencies to splurt out our recent sexcapades during friendly run-ins at Decafe, the mailroom line, the Mudd first floor computers. As two people who notoriously overshare, this friendship seemed to be made in heaven. When Katya spurted to me about “cybersex,” I immediately became intrigued and pressed her on her unique definition of the age-old tradition. As the committed journalist I am, I insisted that our analysis of this experience be recorded into our very own, Grape.

ISABEL: Okay, Katya. You’ve mentioned that you’ve engaged in what you call “cybersex.” For me, this immediately brought to mind the classic notion of “sexting,” but you have claimed it is very, very different. What do you consider activities that go under the catergory of “cybersex”?

KATYA:Cybersex. Phonesex. It’s whatever you want to call it. I think everyone has their own idea. For me, it’s not like asking someone “so what are you wearing?” And then whispering details on the phone about my lacey red thong. Nor is it watching someone slap their soft dick into the front facing camera until you watch it magically get hard. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that if that is your thing.

I’m talking more foreplay through text and then putting snapchat to good use as a clincher.

I: Thanks for clearing that up, Katya.

You mention Snapchat — a popular forum where users can send nudes that disappear in a few seconds so there is no safety or privacy concern. I’m wondering, however, how you exactly do you use Snapchat — aren’t the videos or photos low quality, short-lived? You mention the potential weirdness of FaceTime, but to me, logically, it would seem like the better choice because there is no wait-time and you can literally see everything.

K: Logically, that seems like the easier way, right? Well, Facetime can add a lot of pressure… You and your cybersex partner doing it at the exact same time.

But what if you’re not really sure how to position yourself and need a second to figure it out? Or you’re worried about an unflattering angle? Here’s the trick about Snapchat -- you can retake all your photos and videos before you send them so it’s easier to fulfill certain fan-

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tasies. Of course, Snapchat comes later — one can NEVER forget to have a little foreplay, even when having cybersex.

I: Hmm, that actually makes a ton of sense. Perhaps additionally the exact wait-time of the Snapchat that I initially assumed would be agitating actually adds tension, which, in turn, increases the so-called “hotness” of the foreplay?

K:Fosho. Now you’re thinking more like it. That is one of the best parts You’re sitting there thinking “what is he/she

sending next?” But I am also taking about sexting in terms of foreplay. You can’t just send a random dick pic to someone, you have to work your way to that point.

I: So, for you, sexting is almost as importantly about the witty rapport that occurs between the aforementioned dick pics as the actual images are? As in, you need some sexy texts to turn you on before the nudes come?

K: Well let’s see… before you get to picture stage, sexting does not have to be raunchy — in fact, it can be sensual, if that is what you want.

I: What is the difference between “sexual” texts and “sensual” texts for you?

K: It does depend on the person and also the history you have with this person you are sexting. In this case I sent sexy texts to someone who I use to hook up with and no longer goes to Oberlin.

For instance, we still discussed what we wanted to do to each other but he mentioned certain things he had done to me before. He also phrased them in way that was still dirty, yet there was some sensitivity because they were specific

THE GRAPE

things I liked. However, you can always go for the straight up sexual, pornstar comments and text, “mmm it’s so big” or something.

I: Ah, so it seems like cybersex isn’t as fulfilling with some random person you meet on Tinder than it is with someone you’ve already been with. I have to imagine it’s because there is a layer of respect and care for the person?

it comes to masturbating by myself. I wanted someone to help me destress, but I was not going to text someone on campus. Why would I sext someone here when I can just walk ten feet and actually fuck someone? Since my friend had already been on my mind due to our recent innocent phone conversation and our given hooking up history, I thought it was appropriate to hit him up with this proposition.

K: Definitely, there is a layer of respect and care. Sexting and snapchatting someone random from Tinder or the internet is actually a big turn off for me.

That is also one of the main reasons why I was up for it with this person.

I know who they are, I’ve been with them, and I know they care about me.

I also had a conversation with some of my close girl and guy friends about this. Both parties agreed that when they sexted someone they knew it was considered “hot,” whereas someone from Tinder was just strange.

I: What’s interesting to me is that I’ve always thought about the artform of sexting as a kinda lazy, second-rate version of sex. But you seem to suggest that’s not true because there have been times when you have chosen sexting over having “live” sex with a person.

I: How does the conversation go from just catching up to …..? How do you know when or if it’s acceptable to initiate this kind of tone in what may start out as an innocent catch-up text?

From my experience, I do not have a hard time getting real-life sex, due to the fact that Oberlin has a small campus. That being said, 75% of the time with hook ups, there is drama. With finals coming up, that was the last thing I needed, so it almost was the perfect solution. I found it really funny when people came up to me after the cybersex and mentioned how I seemed to be glowing and was smiling more often than usual. They would always ask me, “are you hooking up with anyone new?”

And I would always say, “no not exactly…”

K: This person and I always try to catch up every two months or so. We have always had a flirty friendship, even after we stopped hooking up. However, only recently have we tried having phone/ cybersex. I had talked to him during break, and it was actually one of the most platonic phone conversations I have ever had. We talked about sports, which does not turn me on at all unless we are talking about Gerard Pique (soccer player with sexy beard). But I found myself one night after a long day in Mudd wanting to hook up, yet I was too tired. If I am being honest, I am a kinky person, but I am also not best when

K: I like calling it an artform...I actually haven’t sexted anyone since maybe sophomore year of high school, so yes it was weird that I thought of this now.

Contact Bad Habits Editor Isabel Klein at iklein@oberlin.edu and contributing writer Katya Bouazza-Salva at kbouazza@oberlin.edu.

A Conversation with Nigel Thornberry

Potty Mouths: Letter of Resignation

BY PLUSHTOY666 BAD HABITS WRITER I put on my glasses when I woke up this morning and I noticed that they were covered in stains and smudges. It was funny to me, because I had been wearing them all day yesterday but hadn’t noticed any of the marks.

I guess meaning is relational. If you’ve been staring at the same shit on your glasses for hours, you stop noticing it.

Similarly, my hands have been covered in human feces for so many long nights this semester that I can no longer tell the difference between one turd and the next.

I might be becoming desensitized.

The smell no longer bothers me. I swear my hands have turned a couple of shades darker. More importantly, however, I’m really running out of things to say about shit. (If you can’t tell, I’ve been really grasping for straws.)

Are poop jokes funny? Have I made a single person laugh reading this entire column? No one has ever sent me an email to the special email address I made just for this. If you couldn’t tell, plushtoy666 isn’t my real name. It’s a pseudonym. I’m neither a poet nor a freelance journalist, and I haven’t had a blog since I was 11. I went to so much trouble constructing this personality for you guys, and for what? To receive no emails? I don’t fucking think so.

Is funny even what I’m even going for?

I’ve tried to explore some fundamental questions of existence, experience and representation in my stories about shit.

Shit is a great metaphor for everything. In

BY SAM SCHUMAN fact, that’s how many people use it in dayto-day conversations: Think “I’m tired of this shit” or “What kind of shit are you getting up to tonight?”

But I haven’t had any breakthroughs.

I’m beginning to question the extent to which I’m even in control of what I write.

Is free will anything more than a social pretense to hold individuals responsible for how their behavior affects others?

I seem to be able to control when and where I poop—and even this is denied me sometimes by some particularly grim sharts—but once it’s out of my asshole, it takes on a life of its own. I have no control of the color it takes, of the pattern it forms when it streaks the toilet paper, and least of all, but perhaps most importantly, over how others interpret the patterns and colors and forms and formlessness of it all.

I’m getting tired. I’m not as young as I used to be. When I was your age (this is a college publication, right?) I could think and write about shit from sunup to sundown. More and more these days I catch myself softly kneading it, not thinking, my mind somewhere else.

Taking a little time away from my glasses is what allowed me to notice where they were dirty. Similarly, I think it’s time for me to take a break from writing about shit. I’m going to take a vacation and work on some other mediums of selfexpression. Do some yoga. Maybe get into painting. But most of all, not think about shit for a long, long while.

BAD HABITS WRITER

Reporter’s note: I’m fully aware that this is the third consecutive issue in which I’ve written about a fictional completely legitimate exchange involving a marginally-niche-butnonetheless-notable actor. For some of you, it may be getting old. But there’s a reason for this madness: I’m currently being held at gunpoint in the basement of the old Nickelodeon studios in Orlando and forced to write these columns, lest I be drowned in a vat of Nickelodeon Slime™ (which I’ve recently learned is made from the entrails of all the kids who were dumb enough to lose on Legends of the Hidden Temple). If you’re reading, this please send help.

I was recently able to track down Nigel Thornberry, host of the acclaimed nature show

Nigel Thornberry’s Wild World, which has at times been referred to as “Steve Irwin’s The Crocodile Hunter, but in real life.”

Our conversation covered a broad range of topics: Q: Important business first, Nigel: what are you and your wife up to these days?

A: Simply smashing Q: And what do you find brings you the most pleasure in the bedroom?

A: Smashing simply.

Q: Your recent poetry collection Smashing and Other Verbs has received rave reviews from critics.

To what do you attribute its success?

A: Simply? Smashing Q: What do you find is the best way to approach the writing process?

A: Simply Q: Is there anything you like to do to cure a particularly bad case of writer’s block?

A: Smashing

Q: I noticed when I walked in that you have a new Nintendo Switch. Do you game a lot?

A: I like Smashing— my main is Marth but sometimes I’ll give Falco a try.

Q: Do you have a favorite Avenger?

A: I think The Hulk simply smashingly smashes.

Q: Do you have a favorite fast food joint?

A: Smashburger.

Q: Do you have a favorite TV show?

A: The Wire. You thought I was going to say NBC’s 2012-2013 series Smash didn’t you? [scoffs] Idiot.

Q: I can’t help but notice that you have a pretty big nose. Is there anything you like to use it for besides smelling?

A: Smashing Q: Is there anything in particular you like to smash with your nose?

A: Reporters who ask fucking dumb questions.

The Grape Borrows The Oberlin Review’s Photo Drone

Guy eating Subway in truck.

Exclusive Drone Shot of the Facilites Parking Lot

Drone Shot of the Dick Bailey Field, with its outdated name from 2013: “Savage Football Stadium.”

DECEMBER 15, 2017

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