Aymane Essaissi

Aymane Essaissi

Lucid-Surreal

At an unknown time where everything was blurry and vague yet so plain like a lucid dream, a surreal reality. I stand on an edge wondering If should make flight towards freedom or light up one more cigarettes. Did I do this to myself?

Pandemonium was the only thing that was coursing through me, as I picked up the habit of going on the roof top of my house at around 4 am. While waiting for the glorious sight of sunrise and beautiful fresh morning breeze, I take my pen and note book and start writing, my brain is that of dying person, on the rhythms of Gnawa, Blues, and soft classic Rock, I sink in my own thoughts.

Would it get more morbid than this? Something flashed and I gazed into the abyss of my memories. I was swathed with guilt of things that I haven't done. I was supposed to not think about it ever...but here I am. The chasm talked back, it wasn‘t as bad. It didn‘t wish harm; it was there to guide me through my journey through this abyss. It introduced itself as Brudka the voice of reason.

Would it get better now? Things are getting intense as the journey goes on. I see things that people would never really see, but it's there…Is it? It‘s all in your head, don‘t be fooled you are sane; he reassured in a deep comforting voice, I know better. Should I trust you? I asked in confusion and intimidation. He hummed in affinity. All of this happened so fast, I was convinced by Brudka to just go on with my life since I never know when things get better, so I listened. He was becoming an important part of my life now. He would never leave, I assumed. I would be dependent on him since he knows everything. It's dark on my journey I would still close my eyes and let him take me where he wants when he wants.

He left. As the other voices took over, the macabre screams got higher and denser and the silhouette people haunted me forever, but at least I wasn‘t feeling alone anymore. The sun rose, it is still dark. Would it get more morbid than this?