The Opiate, Winter Vol. 4
The Curious Life of Myles Dunning Gael DeRoane
H
is employment at the Corporation having reached its breaking point, Myles Dunning arrived at work in a starched white shirt, yellow power tie, propeller beanie, Bronco Buster pajama bottoms, and fluffy bunny slippers. I’ll show them, he thought, striding, briefcase in hand, past the tittering secretaries toward his office. For the first hour of his day, Myles sat quietly at his desk reading an obscure pamphlet on astral projection. At ten o’clock he was summoned to the conference room for his presentation to the board of directors. He could not recall what he was supposed to present, but this did not concern him. “I’m a great admirer of Thomas Pynchon,” he began, as the board members, billionaire CEO included, stared at his outfit in disbelief. “Consequently, I would like to christen all my associates with Pynchonesque monikers.” Facing the man seated at his left, the distinguished corporate attorney Braden Quillington, he said, “Henceforth, you shall be called Geronimo Sangfroid.” He continued in this fashion, conferring upon these august gentlemen such names as Blip Nerdstrom, Basillio Cumquat, and,
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for the CEO himself, not only a name, but a title: Lee Muria, New-Age Twit. No one addressed Myles directly, but someone whispered, “He’s gone mad.” The CEO was considering a compassionate intervention, but noticed that Myles’ genitalia were visible through the aperture of his pajama bottoms. Disgusted, he called security at once. Although Myles did not resist, the burleys treated him roughly, holding his arms in a vise grip as they descended the elevator, then frogmarched him out the front entrance. With a flourish (one of them actually shouted, “Heave ho!”), they lobbed him face-first onto the busy sidewalk. Myles picked up his briefcase, retrieved his propeller beanie, straightened his tie and reflected upon his good fortune. He was free at last! But at precisely that moment a trio of skinheads came around the corner, their fists clenching and unclenching, eager to pummel some character whose general disposition seemed inimical to the standards and practices of the Aryan Brotherhood. And so began a new adventure in the curious life of Myles Dunning…
