Erica Schreiner, “Modern Flame

Modern Flame

Erica Schreiner

I wish I had something beautiful inside of me. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I don’t. I’m sorry.

I wish there was light extending from my heart to beyond forever And you could see it from some mountaintop And together, We could hear laughter And Mozart Harps strumming Sparkles drumming Birds flumming Enchantment Sunbeams Blinding my iridescent eyes

I wish love had been real

No matter It’s all the same An indifferent world It’s really not indifference But loud, pervasive Screaming, shrieking shame Because the world is black And love is dead Which means art is dead Love is over In this artist graveyard Untold is read

Go take the train To the next port Of a portal The next dock of a squortle And you’ll find me standing there With my arms above my head Like some alien Waiting to get sucked back To where I came from Instead

Of this mental squalor This denial of fame Because our eyes are all burning From staring too long at the modern flame

Give me love and love-making something that means something Please

Forget it It’s over Since the sheep have been bleached The tea has been steeped For too long The water is tepid The longing is septic That longing we had as children Before the World Wide Web existed nevermind nevermind nevermind Lou Reed said to me nevermind Probably better off he died Decided Not to reincarnate He said this world was over Said his songs lost their thunder Thanks to your sacred Internet He said

Sometimes I feel nostalgia so severely It makes my heart ache Thank your technological device Take a picture of me with your prosthetic vice

You’ve unknowingly, willingly forfeited your memory

And everyone is just so goddamn pleased with themselves So eager to tell you about their latest purchase And how it differs from their previous purchase

I’m sorry I’m 33 and unable to change with the tide I’m sorry I’m 33 and born in the wrong time

Give me the 60s, the 70s, even the 80s were okay But this shit Cocksucker

The degradation of brain That hypnotic mitt soldered to your clumsy paw

And we have two choices As far as I can see Accept it or die Actually just one Because I perish in mediocrity

On the train When I want to scream poetry Into the faces of the extras in my life The ugly faces Lit by the blue-light prayer They clutch religiously

And I’m a fucking participant Barricaded In gold participation ribbons Of the Millennial generation

And Jesus never came back for us Jesus never came back for us Jesus never came back for us Jesus never fucking came back.

The Internet was wrong about the weather again today

I wish I would die I wish I could drop dead in this very moment I wish the chandelier would bust over my head I wish stars would crash down and fall into your drinks And break your beer glasses And crack out your wine stained teeth I wish we’d all fucking die Wipe this planet fucking clean To start over For the cheetahs and the giraffes and jellyfish and the seeds Whatever is left, they can start again clean And the upright animals without fur (Flaunting their opposable thumbs) Can get sucked into hell

I’m negative because I’m negated Just another artist Spat on by time

Just another schizophrenic transient prophet Some self-proclaimed poet Unnecessary Born in the wrong time

The toilet is overflowing With new technology Better go out and buy it I’ll stay home and broadcast My suicide Live to view On a sapphire glass screen

Anyway this is all one rational hallucination

One explainable dream inside a dream.

VHS video still from The Plastic Sea (2017) by Erica Schreiner