Table of contents 1.
Dog proves worth during nighttime break-in - Page 4
2.
Boyfriend’s guide to cutting corners for quick, easy cleanup - Page 5
3.
Sex in residence halls creates challenges for couples - Page 8
4.
Relive high school shenanigans by plotting TP adventure - Page 10
5.
Change of season provides reason for fun in sun - Page 11
Housing Guide 3
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Housing Guide 4
Dog proves worth during nighttime break-in Allie Colosky SPORTS EDITOR
My dog is a chicken. Don’t get me wrong. I love that gorgeous, redheaded monster of mine, but the dang thing is one of the strangest creatures with a tail. My dog, Sam, is afraid of the world. She has shied away from the broom as well as the vacuum, and plastic bags have her running for safety. The worst is when she pees in the house because the rain that drizzles outside is so terrifying. I might often rag on my dog for being a scaredy-cat, but I can’t sarcastically call her my great
protector anymore. My house was broken into recently, and when the man was combing my living room for our valuable goods, Sam wasn’t shivering under the bed. She growled at the burglar through my sliding doors, and when I yelled at her to go to bed, she jumped on my feet and stared intently at the doors. Granted, she ran for cover under my bed as soon as the police showed up, but the point is that she was ready to go up against whatever stood outside that door because I was home. I sometimes question if getting a dog in college was the best idea. My schedule doesn’t recognize the phrase “free time,” and my
budget limits my diet to cereal for dinner while Sam gets the specialformula dog food because of her sensitive tummy. And my landlord probably curses my name when it’s a rainy day. After the break-in, however, I can’t imagine the next couple years without Sam. The dog sleeps over my feet on cold nights and protects me from the bad guys, and on the days when everything goes wrong she is still happier than ever when she greets me at the door. College might be a rough time for students with schedules that don’t allow the quality bonding time a dog requires, but if anyone is on the fence about getting a dog
in college, I will send you ads for puppies and drive you down to the animal shelter. Sam might want to eat her tennis balls instead of chase them and find ripping up a newspaper more entertaining than playing tug-ofwar, but my little golden retriever has become one of my best friends since coming to Chico State. My advice is to invest in a dog. I don’t regret spending a penny on mine, and I can always use the excuse of safety to make my worrying mother feel better at home. My dog is a pansy when it comes to brooms, but she is the alpha dog around these parts. Allie Colosky can be reached at sportseditor@theorion.com
Housing Guide 5
Boyfriend’s guide to cutting corners for quick, easy cleanup Ben Mullin FE ATURES EDITOR
Just because you’re getting a bachelor’s degree doesn’t mean you have to live like a bachelor. You’ve got a midterm tomorrow. The last time you ate was two papers ago, and the phone is ringing more often than the bell on the shock collar of a mischievous poodle. On top of all that, in five minutes your significant other is coming through your front door, the one currently blocked with a mixture of pizza boxes and dirty clothes and — Just sit down and breathe. This short column will give you my foolproof solution for cleaning any apartment in the space of five minutes. Note: If you are a girlfriend, parent or authority figure, please put the paper down right now. Cleaning the bathroom Take a look around and try to imagine a bathroom that was once clean. If you can’t remember the way it looked, my advice is to run the shower on full blast as hot as it will go. Then use the superheated steam and the cleanest towel available to get rid of whatever gunk is covering the sink. Employing this method is tricky, though, because the bathroom is full of porcelain fixtures that jut out of the walls everywhere you turn. Be extremely careful in the newly moist minefield you have created. If you have any scented candles, now is the time to break them out and light them. But you probably don’t have scented candles, given the fact that you’re considering cleaning the bathroom with scented candles. If you’re out of cleaning supplies, now’s the time to crack open that 24-pack of feminine deodorant sticks you bought at Costco for prices so low they were practically subterranean. If the bathroom can’t look better, you should at least have the decency to make it smell great. My secret? Secret.
If none of this works and the bathroom is beyond salvaging, take a deep breath and calmly put the seat down. This small gesture will go farther than you can imagine. Cleaning the kitchen Look, we both know the last time you did dishes was two months ago. Because of the neglect, that Chia pet on the fridge is no longer the only thing growing in the kitchen. If you don’t have time to do the dishes properly, be sure to scrape any hazardous material off the plates and stack them neatly in the sink. Like putting the seat up, this is a gesture of courtesy that sends the message that you gave your surroundings some thought before greeting guests. If no amount of Pine-Sol can evict the smell from your kitchen, I suggest throwing wide the windows of the house and turning the air conditioner on. And if something has been lying in your fridge so long that it’s become sentient, uproot its highly developed colony and relocate it to the outside Dumpster ASAP. Pro-tip: If your food can talk back to you, it’s time to do some serious thinking about your lifestyle choices. Throwing everything in the closet When you’ve just gotten a text from your significant other saying that he or she is three minutes away, you don’t have time for any of the tips listed above. What I want you to do is calmly put this column down, throw open your closet door and relocate everything on the floor into said closet. If the door won’t completely close, unlock the door and stand against it during the duration of the visit. Under no circumstances are you to ever leave the closet door, lest the entire mountain of detritus come tumbling out in front of your guests. I think I hear a knock at the door. Good luck, and remember: If you can’t be clean, aim for cute. Ben Mullin can be reached at featureseditor@theorion.com
THE ORION theorion.com
Housing Guide 6
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Location Bedroom 607 W. 3rd St. 1 668 E. 4th St. #5 1 706 W. 6th St. #B 1 706 W. 6th St. #C 1 742 W. 6th St. #D 1 540 W. 4th #A,B 1 353&359 E. 7th St. 1 371 E. 7th St. #3,4 1 925 Chestnut #5 S 1050 Warner S 1048 Warner S Rent 500 500 575 675 900 700 800 825 750 585 685 625 800 625 625 1200 1000 950 675 675 625/650 900 1250 1350/1050 950 850
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Rent 900 775 750 850 675 875 1000 925 650 800 850 975 875 1200 1250 1200 1150 1400 1300 900 1900 1800 1050 1900 1800 1650 1350
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Housing Guide 7 www.bacorealtycorp.com
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Housing Guide 8
Sex in residence halls creates challenges for couples Aubrey Crosby STAFF WRITER
The only thing worse than a cock-block is forgetting the door lock. My boyfriend and I discovered this plain and simple truth nearly a month after we started dating. Getting intimate in the residence halls is a complete and utter nightmare. Every action and sound demands the attention of everyone in your hall. The squeaky beds draw passersby to your door, people stand outside and clap when you finish and then there’s always the one neighbor who has to ask, “How’d it go?” It only gets better when your roommate is home. Given all of the embarrassing
obstacles, I’m amazed that I have details, I flat out told him. The look sex as often as I do. It is almost a of shock on his face was enough to show that he wouldn’t ask or bring daily affair. My fastest fix, other than a quick it up again. He hasn’t. The surprised application of look my boyfriend WD-40 to those gave me just about squeaky bed matched that of his frames, is to just The look of shock on his neighbor’s. Owntalk about it. That probably face was enough to show ing up to doing the seems like the that he wouldn’t ask or deed in front of a bunch of curious opposite of your bring it up again. sex-driven males instincts and shows a bit of coneven basic social fidence, and as the norms, but when AUBREY CROSBY staff writer cliché goes, confiyou and your sigdence is sexy. nificant other are Of course, there open about what you do in the sack people back off. are sometimes neighbors that keep prying. The cold shoulder is often Way off. When my boyfriend’s neighbor enough to give them the hint to lay came in one morning, asked how off your sex life. This still leaves the roommate it went and demanded to know the
“ “
dilemma. When you have your boyfriend or girlfriend over for some fun while your roommates are away, try to set up a system — one more subtle than putting a sock on the door. The goal is to avoid the humiliation shoved in your face by the rest of the dorm, not draw more attention to yourself. If you can’t work out a simple method for sharing your need for space, send a short text message. I’m not saying this is guaranteed to work 100 percent of the time, but it is always a nice backup option. And if that doesn’t work, you could always go to your boyfriend’s quiet apartment or car. But that’s a different story. Aubrey Crosby can be reached at acrosby@theorion.com
Relive high school shenanigans by plotting TP adventure Quinn Western
all feeling as we searched the Safeway aisles for toilet paper.
OPINION EDITOR
Dressed in all black, I carried 20 rolls of toilet paper and an array of popsicles into my boyfriend’s apartment, ignoring the stares of his curious neighbors. It’s diďŹƒcult to TP friends in college. You can’t really TP an apartment complex unless you have a death wish. I have become experienced in the art of TPing the insides of apartments and have found ways to continue this high school tradition. The preparation The ďŹ rst step is to make sure your victim is not home. Finding a friend to occupy my boyfriend with a game of Magic: The Gathering, a tradingcard game, was not hard. Neither was ďŹ nding an excuse to be absent from this Magic-ďŹ lled shebang and create my own shenanigans. As a part of the preparation stage, I gathered my team together. I wanted only the best and the brightest. Our black attire not only made us look ďŹ erce but added to the adrenaline rush we were
Entering, not breaking Here is where it gets tricky. To avoid causing serious damage to yourself or the property, planning ahead is a must. My boyfriend, for instance, is both oblivious and gullible, so I can open up a window or leave the door unlocked and he’ll never suspect a thing. For your victim, I suggest arranging a distraction while another party creates an opening for your entrance. Then, be sure to leave the apartment with your victim so that there is no opportunity to close your entrance. Game on Traditional TPing is basically what you see in the movies. I suggest not only turning the apartment into a winter wonderland but also using Saran Wrap or foil. For example, wrapping everything in foil, including refrigerator items, chairs and desk lamps, is simple, and the silver and white bring a nice color scheme to the room.
I not only Saran-Wrapped his closet doors together but also twisted the Saran Wrap to make a rope. I tied it to the bathroom door handle and tied the other end to a hook in the ceiling. If wrapped tightly enough, this provides a sturdy alternative to a rope if you don’t have one handy. Lastly, enjoy victory popsicles. The team and I took a step back from our job well done to enjoy a congratulatory treat. Exit the property calmly, and don’t draw attention to yourself. Laughing, giggling and playing the Pink Panther theme song was not the sneakiest way to exit, but it was worth it. Sit back, relax and enjoy the reaction Pick your victims carefully, because their reactions will sometimes surprise you. Hopefully, you will have a good sport on your next TPing endeavor and the victim will “enjoy� all of the surprises. I attempted Saran-Wrapping the toilet, but my boyfriend isn’t that gullible. Quinn Western can be reached at opinioneditor@theorion.com
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Housing Guide 11
Change of season provides reason for fun in sun Paige Fuentes STAFF WRITER
The season is changing, and it’s time to ditch the sweats and rain boots and start getting out and enjoying the weather again. Here are some spring activities for when you can’t think of anything to do. Bidwell Park Bidwell Park has so much to offer to anybody looking to enjoy the outdoors. Lower Bidwell is a bit tamer with designated trails, swimming pools at One Mile and Five Mile, baseball fields and swing sets. Upper Bidwell offers less tame swimming holes, on and off-road biking trails for all levels and hiking trails in all directions. Pack some water and snacks and head out for an adventure. Don’t forget the sunblock. Spring cleaning If all winter long you’ve been putting off that deep cleaning your kitchen desperately needs by thinking you’ll get to it next weekend, now is
the time to stop your procrastination in its very dirty tracks. Don’t let your friends see this mess, and put some elbow grease into your cleaning. Don’t stop after the kitchen either. Recruit your roommates and have them help you give the whole house a good scrub. You’ll feel so much better in a clean home. If you’re feeling really ambitious, volunteer a few hours cleaning up around town. There are multiple organizations in Chico that would gladly use your help to tidy up. Sidewalk chalk It’s not legal everywhere, but last I heard, sidewalk chalk was still allowed here in Chico. Take a trip back in time and reconnect with your inner-child by purchasing sidewalk chalk and creating some artistic decor your neighbors can appreciate. Don’t be afraid to splash some life onto the concrete or maybe create a game of hopscotch for old time’s sake. Barbecue Friends, flames, food and fun — what more
do you need? The real question is: Gas or charcoal? Bust out those new recipes you’ve been pinning on Pinterest or keep it old school and throw some hot dogs and veggie burgers on the grill. Invite your friends over, and you won’t even have to spend much money on food if they each bring a dish. Try a new sport Bidwell Park boasts some sweet disc golf courses, and you can start working on that tan since you’ll be outdoors in the sun. If spring showers are keeping you indoors, take advantage of all the Wildcat Recreation Center has to offer. The rock wall is great for beginners looking to learn or even for the advanced climber to keep their skills sharp. The WREC also offers a wide variety of classes. It has everything from Jiu-Jitsu to core yoga, and aqua sculpt will be offered in the pool area with the warming weather. Paige Fuentes can be reached at pfuentes@theorion.com
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