Valentine’s Day Guide 2012
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Valentine’s Day Guide 3
Single gay man’s guide to celebrating V-Day Angel Huracha STAFF WRITER
Being gay, I grew up feeling left out of heterosexual privileges. Valentine’s Day was easier when I was young, but gone are the days when all you had to do was buy a 24-pack of cards to eventually hand out to classmates. Now a bit older and wiser, my views on the holiday have changed. My feelings are perhaps like those of a paraplegic when he or she sees a track meet outside a hospital, but instead of wallowing in self-pity, I’ve decided to take charge on Feb. 14. If you are also feeling a little sad about your Valentine’s Day prospects, here are five survival tips to get through this year:
1. Volunteer Before you decide to become a sourpuss and get in a funky mood, think about volunteering your time and energy to a worthy cause. This type of distraction will help you to de-stress and take your mind off the holiday. Do some research in advance on what events are being planned around campus or your community, and find nonprofit organizations that would love an extra pair of helping hands. 2. Reach out and touch someone No, I don’t mean get on your Grindr or Adam 4 Adam and search. It is too common for single gay men to associate self-esteem with the lack of dates. Spread the love around, pick up a few Valentine’s Day cards and mail them out to your friends. Send flowers to your mom. Get your roommates some candy treats and you’ll feel great about making someone’s day.
3. Treat yo’ self Nothing makes me feel better than treating myself. I decided I would be outside of Safeway in line to grab a few boxes of Girl Scout cookies this Valentine’s Day. Remember, you won’t be the only single one on this day. Take yourself out to the movies, so at least you’ll only have to buy one ticket and you can hog the popcorn and Goobers all you want. Other single men will be out and about looking for love or company too, so keep a sharp eye and maybe you’ll find a last-minute lover. 4. Nobody wants to be lonely Before you sit at home shoveling ice cream while you clutch the carton and watch Jennifer Aniston whine in “He’s Just Not That Into You,” remember that not everyone is paired up. Invite some friends over and share that Ben & Jerry’s. Make it a
party and buy yourself a drink — perhaps a bottle of wine or, if you’re like me, Jameson. Just don’t dwell on the loneliness, and be happy for your friends who have significant others. 5. Know who you are You’ve already made it this far on your own. No, Madonna did not help you. She just provided the soundtrack to life. Take some time to reflect on what you need in life and what your values are. After all, you are what you stand for. Having a clear vision and purpose of who you are will keep you centered and grounded. Don’t let one overly cutesy holiday ruin your mood. Keep in mind — Feb. 15 is right around the corner.
Angel Huracha can be reached at ahuracha@theorion.com
Girlfriend helps find priorities, possessions Ben Mullin
ILLUSTRATION BY • LINDSAY SMITH
FE ATURES EDITOR
Before I walk out the door every day, I pat myself down like a TSA agent. Wallet. Cellphone. Keys. I throw them around my neck to make sure I don’t lock myself out before stepping into the brisk morning air. Six months ago, this ritual would have looked to me like a perverse version of the Macarena. But now, after being with my girlfriend for six months, I know this ritual is essential to my everyday life. Before I met her, and up until a few weeks ago, I was a mess. I lost my possessions faster than a kleptomaniac with amnesia. More than one of our dates was thwarted because my wallet was lost, stuck somewhere in the crevice of her car or in the manifold pouches of my cavernous backpack. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago, at the beginning of the semester, that we decided we’d finally
had enough. My cellphone had inconspicuously left my possession for parts unknown. My laptop had been stolen by what I can only assume were high-tech gnomes. The only valuables I had in my possession were my keys and wallet. Just as we were walking into my
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Six months ago, this ritual would have looked to me like a perverse version of the Macarena.
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BEN MULLIN features editor
apartment, she stopped me in my tracks, gave me the once over and told me to empty my pockets. Once I did, she made me put all of my possessions on the end-table next to the front door and told me
to do the same every night I came home. Since that day, I haven’t lost a single thing. Admittedly, it’s only been about a month since that item intervention. I have no idea if I will forget to pat myself down or check the room for items before I leave. But after nearly six months, I’m starting to realize for the first time that it’s more important to have faith in what you won’t lose than spend time tracking down the things you’ve already lost. Any day now, I could lock myself out of my apartment. I could lose my wallet or forget my homework or walk into the wrong lecture hall. But this Valentine’s Day, I’m ready to celebrate the woman who has helped me remember where I put the rest of my possessions and the person who helped me reorganize my priorities. This Valentine’s Day, I’m celebrating the lost and found. Ben Mullin can be reached at featureseditor@theorion.com
Valentine’s Day Guide 4
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Valentine’s Day Guide 5
Absence makes the mind creative Long-distance relationship Jenna Valdespino CHIEF COPY EDITOR
I will be spending Valentine’s Day attending three classes, taking two scheduled exams and tirelessly copy editing the next issue of The Orion — all while being 200 miles away from my boyfriend. I won’t be seeing him on this holiday for the first time in our relationship, because Valentine’s Day is inconveniently set on a Tuesday and as usual, life gets in the way. Those in long-distance relationships may want to take try out these alternative ways to make a significant other smile from afar on the mushiest day of the year. Play by your own rules There is no reason why Valentine’s Day should be restricted to Feb. 14. Pick a convenient day when you’ll be able to see each other and treat it as the date of your holiday. If you’ll be in town together, spend the time at Bidwell Park or go to dinner at Tres Hombres. This will also help you to avoid the crowds. Virtual dinner date Skype makes the impossible possible by allowing people to see each other from across the world. This date can be just like one face-to-face. Pick the dinner menu, a movie on Netflix and a time. Cozy up in front of your computer screen and press play to share the dinner and movie just like you
would in person. Other programs like Facetime for iPhone and Oovoo also work well. Pen, paper and postage If you’d rather take a more traditional route, skip the Skype date and bring it back to simple pen and paper. A handwritten letter that arrives on Valentine’s Day always earns a good reaction, as they’ll appreciate the time you put into getting your thoughts on paper. Creative cards Websites like TinyPrints.com allow users to customize holiday cards for every occasion. Simply choose a template, add in your names and pictures, choose the date you want the card to arrive and you’re set. The cards are also often cheaper than those found in the greeting card section at the grocery store. All Valentine’s Day cards are just $1.99 each through Thursday with the coupon code “vday199.” Feed your relationship Food is often the key to the heart, and it is possible to spoil your significant other with sweets from far away. Avoid fragile pieces like layer cakes, and be sure to package the goods in sturdy containers that won’t be crushed. Firm cookies, pound cakes and breads often hold up well in the mail. Put the container in a larger box and secure it with packing peanuts. Try to choose a mail class that will arrive sooner rather than later. Jenna Valdespino can be reached at chiefcopyeditor@theorion.com
Valentine’s Day traditions hold no value, importance Kjerstin Wood A SST. NE WS EDITOR
First of all, roses are tacky. I’m pretty sure giving a woman a red rose that means eternal love at an age where most of us can’t even decide on a major demonstrates a complete lack of understanding behind romantic symbolism. Don’t get me wrong. I’m in love with the idea of love, but I’m definitely not sold on the idea that you have to buy each other presents to prove it. I hate it when a man buys me coffee, let alone a gourmet dinner with a dozen roses or diamond jewelry. Marriage proposals on Valentine’s Day? Let’s face it — they’re lazy copouts for those who don’t want to have to remember two romantically themed events, the other being an anniversary. You really cannot get cheesier or more cliche than a proposal on
Valentine’s Day. Some may call me bitter, but I think I’m more of a pragmatic realist. And no, I’m not one of the hundreds of thousands of women who pretend not to want something but really expect the world from their significant other. Other things I’m not a fan of: excessive public displays of affection, mushy lovey-dovey talk on social media and society’s commercialization and romanticism of the anniversary of a massacre that symbolizes both the martyring of a Christian saint and the massacre of seven people in a mob conflict. But what goes along better with a bloody history of death than candy hearts and chocolates, right? While I have seen examples of healthy, stable relationships in college, but there are few. What I can never grasp is the idea of people finding who they want to supposedly spend the rest of their lives with when
I have no idea what I even want to do once I graduate. How can you devote your life to someone when you don’t even know who you are yet? To all the couples I know, keep on keeping on. Just know I’ll be deactivating my Facebook, avoiding you on campus and covering my ears when you start talking about your Valentine’s plans. This is not because I’m jealous but simply because I will never understand why it is so important, especially to an age group with such a short attention span. So gobble up your chocolates, pay way too much for a mediocre meal and prepare for the letdown that is my least favorite day of the year. May your flowers wilt within a week and you realize that you don’t need a commercial holiday to show your significant other that they are loved and appreciated. Kjerstin Wood can be reached at kwood@theorion.com
worth effort, challenges Devan Homis STAFF WRITER
The day of celebrating love is fast approaching, and people of all ages are turning to their significant others to express love for one another. But there are many of us out there that carry the burden of a long-distance relationship, which makes the pleasure of Valentine’s Day company hard to come by. Long-distance relationships are possibly the toughest relationships to maintain for multiple reasons. The hardest aspect of a long distance relationship is maintaining trust and communication. I am a 21-year-old junior and have been involved in an adventurous, long-distance relationship since I arrived here my freshman year. Most of my friends looked at me like I was crazy for coming to college with a girlfriend. I have been on a rollercoaster of love for three years. It hasn’t always been pretty, but in the end, we always remember why we’re putting ourselves through it. It’s simple — we do it because of the love we share. It’s not the absence of each other’s company that really causes problems in a long-distance relationship, nor is it the sexual frustration. It comes down to trust. Without trust, a long-distance relationship is basically doomed. Trust is something that can be rebuilt but takes a lot of time and patience. Sometimes you might think to yourself, “Why am I doing this?” If you answer with, “Because I love them,” then ask yourself, “Is this worth it?” Is it worth it? Such a
complicated question can be answered with a simple answer. The more complicated your reasoning becomes, the further away you are from understanding the real reason for a long-distance relationship. I think love is worth it. It’s worth fighting through the toughest of fights. All of us need love, and as humans, we strive to find that perfect someone — that person who fits together with you like a pair of puzzle pieces. When you think you have “the one,” hold on tight and do all you can to embrace that love, even if it means weathering the storms of long-distance. Consider yourself lucky if you have a significant other, and if you are in a long-distance relationship, make sure you are both on the same page. Follow your heart. Any couple that can make it through a long-distance relationship can make it through the rest of their lives together and conquer just about any other obstacle before them. That’s one benefit to a longdistance relationship — finding out whether or not your love is meant to last. Love is the strongest reason to hold onto anything or anyone. If you have love, you have passion, and with passion and love comes genuine happiness. Don’t forget to express your appreciation next week to those you love and to those who love you back, because without them to pick you up when you are down or to give you inspiration to keep rising up, you would be without the chance of happiness in its purest form: love between lovers. Devan Homis can be reached at dhomis@theorion.com
Valentine’s Day Guide 6
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