Flatpacking advice

How to assemble flatpacked furniture without compromising your relationship or losing your sanity

Last time I bought a bunch of furniture from IKEA my friend offered to help, but it’s a twoperson job, so I said, “No, I think we’ve got the furniture assembly covered, but we may need some marriage counselling afterwards.”

I’m very pleased to report that our marriage survived the assembly process. But after a table, a sofa-bed with chaise longue, six chairs and a TV bench, I learned a thing or two. So here are my top tips for self-assembly furniture. Or how to survive a flatpacking weekend.

CLEAR A SPACE TO WORK

Take out all the old furniture, if there is some. You need room to work, peeps.

Count. It’s totally worth it. You’ll have confidence later that all your nuts and bolts are there and it will save you time and frustration down the track in the unlikely event that something is missing. We got plastic lunch containers and sorted the screws and bolts accordingly. This is especially helpful if there are some that look similar and you don’t want to get them confused.

GET A DRILL

Every seasoned Ikea person I spoke to over the weekend advised that we get a drill. There are drill bits for Allen keys. It will save you HOURS (Note that there are some occasions when a drill isn’t suitable, especially if you don’t want to go too deeply into the wood or splinter it, so be judicious with this step.)

TWO PEOPLE

No more, no less. One of these people should be detail-oriented. This is the person who carefully examines the pictures and ensures you use the bolt without the pointy bit for the appropriate places and the bolt with the flat bit for the other appropriate places. The other person can work the drill. I’m not going to make any sexist suggestions about who does what. You work it out according to your personalities.

IF YOU'VE GOT CHILDREN, GET THEM LOOKED AFTER

If you don’t have a babysitter at the ready, do what we did and banish them to their rooms and also use them to make regular trips to the recycling bin after you’ve unpacked stuff.

BE KIND

If you have to alert your assembly partner to a mistake (he) has made, say it in a nice way. Avoid phrases like “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” and “WHY DID YOU PUT THIS ON UPSIDE DOWN?” and “WHY DID YOU GET SUCH A BIG TABLE?”

KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR!

This too will pass. And then you’ll have a lovely new couch to sit on.