5 minute read
Keep Them Coming
Keep Them Coming
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By Kristen Thomas
With recreational cannabis sales now legal in Missouri, it’s no surprise that i’ve been fielding more questions about sex and weed in my practice. As someone who loves cannabis, I’m happy to answer these questions! While I am a big-time pleasure pusher, I don’t advise everyone to consume cannabis and start fooling around—at least not right away.
Integrating the use of weed products into your sex life can be a fun and exciting way to enhance pleasure, reduce pain, lower inhibitions, and alter sensations—in a good way. However, it is important to consider a few things before you get started.
Your body will treat various strains and products differently. Experimentation on your own is important. Discover your limits. Long-time, regular cannabis consumers are not the same as newbies dabbling in edibles and vapes or those that eat 2.5mg and pass the fuck out.
Cannabis’ early effect is the release of dopamine. Many strains make you feel happy and relaxed. Finding what THC products make you feel relaxed without wanting to fall asleep will be helpful in this process. We are shooting for smash mode, not crash mode.
Cannabis may enhance your senses. Smells can be more intense, and it’s the same with taste. You may feel like your partner’s light touches are feathers caressing your skin. You may need the lights to be dimmed because they seem like they are miniature suns glaring in your face. This is all totally normal. Adjust your space to make it conducive to allowing your sensuality to be unleashed.
Weed can also make you freak out a bit. Panic and paranoia are common for some strains. This stems from THC tripping your sympathetic nervous system (aka your fight/ flight/freeze response). When you’re in situations where you feel trust and safety, these side effects can be easier to ride out. Breathe. Move your body for a distraction. Remember that it will pass.
Sex should be like pizza. Talk about what you both want before you place an order. Your decision-making skills can be altered once you partake in cannabis. Some users may also experience slight increases in response inhibition. Your working memory can also be affected. This is why I recommend you have any and all conversations about sex before you consume.
Talk about what’s a “yes” or a “no” before you pass the pen with a potential new partner. If you’re high on dopamine and serotonin and THC, you could do things you didn’t plan on. Verbalize boundaries before you get busy. Talk when you’re still clearheaded about what sex acts you enjoy and are open to.
I once had a professional dominatrix tell me that once playtime begins, there are no additional “yesses” that can be added to the list. Once people are in their subspace, her devotees may agree to—even beg for— all sorts of acts that were “no’s” just minutes before. She said she doesn’t deviate from the “yes” list because they were absolutely high on neurotransmitters.
Do you understand consent? More importantly, do they??
The basics of consent are that it is an enthusiastic yes from all parties, you can say no or withdraw your consent at any time, and all parties know what they are about to get into.
Consent can get murky really fast once you start involving substances. Some substances make people lose control of their faculties more than others. Again, weed has different effects on different people. Be aware of what it feels like if you’re too stoned to actively give your consent. Watch for signs that your partner is too high, as well. Best for you both to call it a night, put on some pjs, and just relax together—or call a Lyft home.
Do you really know this person? If you’re around someone new that you’ve just begun dating, your inhibitions may be lowered. Can you trust this person will respect your boundaries once you’ve expressed them? Test the waters with a meaningless “no,” and if they react with anything other than kindness and understanding, they are waving a red flag.
Remember, some users may experience response inhibition, meaning they feel like they can’t say “no”—or even sometimes that they can’t say “yes.” If you have found that you’re way more easily swayed when you’re stoned, take that into account as you’re mixing dating and weed. When you can’t clearly give consent or receive consent, it’s best to stop what you’re doing.
If you want to try weed, but your partner is not/will not be partaking, then consent conversations can look a little different. Some couples out there avoid sexy time when one party is inebriated, while other couples say they have their best sex when one of them has partaken in a substance. Can a weed-smoker find or maintain happiness with a non-smoker? For sure!
Many long-time weed users have fallen in love with someone who doesn’t use cannabis. Conversations around what ingestion methods are less smelly in the house, how brushing your teeth after smoking will make it more likely you’ll get a make-out sesh, or letting your partner know you’re a little baked and that’s why you’re giggling can be helpful.
Let’s wrap this up by discussing mixing—especially weed and alcohol. Both mess with your memory. Readers are more likely to know the effects of alcohol on their bodies. Mixing the two will amplify the effects of the other. Consider partaking in one or the other until you’ve learned how your body reacts to cannabis.
With all that said, integrating weed with your sex life can open you and your partner up to new experiences, less pain during intercourse, and help your mind release the stressors of the outside world. Just like there are sex coaches, there are cannabis coaches, too. Check out Rosie Marie Therapies locally on advocateselfcare.com or @advocate.self. care on Instagram.
