3 minute read
9 Ways to Build Self-Confidence
Advice from the Inner Coach of Barbershop, Jan Carley
Lack of self-confidence can get in the way of us moving forward or perhaps even taking action at all. The good news? Selfconfidence isn’t something you were born with. It is something that you can develop! All it takes is focus and intention. Here are nine of my favourite ways to build or restore your self-confidence.
1. Psych Yourself Up, Not Out
Self-talk can propel you forward or take you down. Negative self-talk becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of saying to yourself, “I’m not good at that, I don’t think I can do that” etc., develop a short positive, empowering mental mantra that excites and inspires you. Perhaps something as simple as, “I’ve got this!” or “This is an exciting opportunity.” or “I belong here.” or “I rock!” etc. Positive thoughts lead to positive action. What you say to yourself is what you become.
2. Flip Your Focus
If you focus your thoughts on your lack of self-confidence it only makes things worse. Instead, you want to flip your focus to how you want to feel. For example, “I want to feel at ease, relaxed, and in charge” instead of what you “don’t” want to feel (terrified, nervous, tense). Visualize your desired state and act AS IF. Focusing on what you want will get your brain naturally firing on a forward-moving state — a desired state — and that releases all kinds of good brain chemicals to boost your selfconfidence.
3. Adopt a Growth Mindset
A growth mindset believes that wherever you are right now is simply where you are and that you have the capacity to grow your skills from that point. With a growth mindset, there is no confidence-sapping judgment. Your focus instead is on development and improving. Show up as a Learner and feel the burden of having to be perfect fall away. Focus on Improving instead of Proving.
4. Remember and Transfer Your Past Successes
Remember the situations when your self-confidence was high. Focus on how you felt in that moment. If you felt confidence once, you can recall it and feel it again — and simply transfer that feeling to any new situation.
5. Recognize and Celebrate Your Strengths
There is only one “you,” and you have a unique blend of personal qualities, strengths, and skills. Acknowledge and build on your strengths to buoy your self-confidence. Success is the art of being who you already are. 6. Let Go of Perfect
Perfectionism is a confidence killer and a major holdback. Go for Imperfect Action instead of Perfect Inaction. What counts is quality of effort, not perfect results. Celebrate the journey and each incremental step of progress you make.
7. Set Yourself Up for Success
The very best way to ensure self-confidence is to be prepared. Set yourself up for success by taking care of the things you are in control of. Prepare until your skills are in a state of “unconscious competence.” Preparation is a gift you can give yourself. (Note: As you prepare, keep in mind #6.)
8. Put Things Into Perspective
In my early 20s, when hit with the inevitable pre-job interview erosion of self-confidence, I would remind myself that no matter WHAT happened in the interview, my family would still love me. I would still have friends. Remembering the big picture will give you perspective when your self-confidence is ebbing.
9. Develop Resiliency
Developing the skill of resiliency will help you recalibrate and restore your self-confidence quickly when things go off track. We all make mistakes; we all have disappointments. Our ability to quickly let it go, and get back to the present will allow us to continue to grow.
Jan Carley, the Inner Coach of Barbershop, is the author of Harmony from the Inside Out and The Overtone Effect. She sings lead in Lions Gate Chorus and Fandango Quartet (Region #26) and will be guest faculty at Sweet Adelines International Education Symposium (IES) July 22-26, 2020 in San Antonio, Texas (USA). Both her books are available for purchase through Sweet Adelines International Sales,
