The Pitt News
News ‘Take the risks’: Married staff, Cover by Clare Sheedy and Pamela Smith | Visual Editors
$1.3M Quest Diagnostics bill; Juneteenth made Pitt holiday pittnews.com
professors share relationship advice
Colm Slevin
has been married to her husband for 14 what they did at work, even if it isn’t years. She met him when she was back something that you’re interested in. She in Pittsburgh for winter break while he also places a value on honesty, and she When Ilia Murtazashvili first went was attending Pitt Law. They met at a bar thinks not being honest with your partout with his now-wife after seeing her at and ended up forming a long-distance ner is a “red flag.” a coffee shop in Madison, Wisconsin, he romance. “When something's bothering you, knew it was going to turn into something Robinson said she was offered health you go to approach them about it,” Robspecial. care when she got her first job — some- inson said. “If you've heard me give you “ On our first date, I just said, ‘I thing her and her husband both didn’t that advice, and you'd be like, ‘Oh, I think we're gonna get married.’ And so have at the time. She said they ended up don't think we could.’ I mean that to me it turned out,” Murtazashvili, a professor in the Graduate School of Public and International Affairs, said. “I mean, she thought I was just joking, but I just thought we had clicked and I just had this feeling and so, and it turned out to be true. Four kids and 20 years later and we're still going strong. So it was a good intuition.” While Pitt students learn about a variety of topics from their professors and seek out help from University staff, these people are knowledgeable in more areas than just academia. Many members of the Pitt community are married and provided wisdom to The Pitt News about relationships. Murtazashvili has been married for 20 years after meeting his wife at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. For him, listening is key. When conflict arises between partners, he said to make A married couple holds hands. sure both people are actively listening to Image via LearningLark, Wikimedia Commons the other. “The thing that I probably need to do getting married in a courthouse a few is a bad sign.” more of is listen. Be an active listener, days later and didn’t tell anyone. But the solution to conflict is not aland I don't do that all the time,” Mur“Both of our parents found out we ways immediate confrontation, accordtazashvili said. “I just think listening got married and you did not tell us, and ing to Murtazashvili. He said sometimes and just trying to hear each other out is we're like, ‘Well, but it was like paper- it’s okay to take space, and airing out key. So I'm not gonna pretend here like work,’” Robinson said. “And so I want to grievances before taking time to breathe I listen all the time. But it's just somesay that a year later to assuage my moth- isn’t always the best way to handle conthing that if I do then everything ends er especially, I was later married by Jesus flict. up much better.” in the church. I have undergone techni“The best tip is if you have a conflict, Sabrina Robinson, a part-time incally the sacrament of marriage.” and one of you just says, alright, just give structor in the Slavic languages & literaTo Robinson, communication is talk- me some space. Shut up and leave and ture department and 2005 Pitt alumna, ing to your partner about their day, or give the space,” Murtazashvili said. “And
Senior Staff Writer
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February 9, 2022
that's also I think, hard to do, but just walking away, I think is a good thing in the short term.” Lauren Wright, the director of undergraduate recruitment in the Office of Admissions and Financial Aid, said it can be easy to blame yourself for your partner’s mood, but you have to remember they are still human and have feelings that may have nothing to do with you. Sometimes being with someone means being there with them on their bad days, when something small gets them upset. “Sometimes it's not a conflict at all. I actually just had a bad day at work or I asked for no onions on my burger and I got onions. It's not your fault. I'm just in a mood,” Wright, a Pitt alumna, said. “People have a ton of emotions. People are still human even when they're married.” Wright has been married to her husband for four years. The two met doing community service with the Urban League at the David Lawrence Convention Center, then he messaged her on Instagram and they started dating six weeks later. Wright and her husband got married in 2020, shortly after the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, after about two years of dating. According to Wright, effective communication is crucial to a relationship and the best way to talk through difficult situations is using a way they are comfortable with. “I'm the person who sends like long double scroll texts, I have these thoughts,” Wright said. “My husband on the other hand would rather talk faceto-face. He is not going to stay here and scroll for days. So we both had to sort of adjust in that regard, especially for more challenging communication.” See Advice on page 10
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students find heartwarming connections through instagram account
Payton McCarthy For The Pitt News
When a stranger sat down across from Peter Bertola at Starbucks in September, he had no idea that just a few months later, she would become such an important part of his life. “I really wanted to say hi, but I was a little shy and she left before I could,” Bertola, a junior computer engineering major, said. “Apparently she saw my name on my cold brew though, because the next day she posted a Missed Connection commenting, and we started talking. Eventually we started dating, all because of that Missed Connection post.” On the Instagram account Pitt Missed Connections, students can anonymously submit public notes — usually compliments — through a Google form linked in the profile. The account, which has been active since March 2021, posts the submissions with the goal of helping students find people they wish they’d spoken to. The Instagram page has been widely
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popular across campus with more than 7,400 followers and 1,000 submissions. The owner of the account did not respond to a request for comment. The page has been inactive for the past seven weeks while a new team is being assembled to take it over. With so many submissions, it may seem far off to think that anyone would actually be able to connect and start a relationship, but some Pitt students have found success. Lexy Lott, a sophomore undeclared major, and her girlfriend Kaylin Troiano, a senior social work major, began their relationship after Lott’s Missed Connections post on April 3. Lott said she submitted the post after seeing Troiano at the bus stop one morning. “Kaylin’s style really drew me in, and I just thought she was really cute,” Lott said. “I had a good feeling she was queer with the way she presented herself, which made writing the post less scary.” Lott said in the age of online dating, making a post about someone based on physical appearance alone didn’t seem “too different.” While Troiano didn’t follow the account,
some of her friends did and shared the post with her. Troiano commented on the post and the two connected. “After my friends showed me Lex’s post, I wanted to reach out to her because I felt like her language and use of punctuation and such were all so adorable. I had no idea what she looked like or anything more about her, but I like spontaneous and fun things like that and knew Lex had to be fun and cool if she also was intrigued by Missed Connections,” Troiano said. “She ended up being the best girlfriend I could ever ask for.” Troiano said she found Lott’s initial compliment “sweet” and especially liked reading the specific details that Lott included in her post, such as how Troiano had her hair styled that day in a braid. Troiano commented on the post asking for Lott to break her anonymity, which she did, and the two have now been together for 10 months. “We chatted back and forth for a week or so until one day after work, I just went for it and asked her to meet me in Flagstaff for a nighttime picnic,” Lott said. “We clicked
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pretty much instantly and have kind of been attached at the hip ever since.” Not all posts have been romantically inclined. Some are submitted to show appreciation for others who showed small acts of kindness. Sarah Kelty, a first-year marketing major and follower of the Missed Connections page, said she knows that there is a post about her, which described her working at Dunkin’ and “making someone’s day.” “It’s weird when you see a post about yourself because then you realize that people actually notice you,” Kelty said. “It feels good to know that people actually notice you and that you impacted somebody else’s life.” Like Kelty, Troiano said the concept behind the account — even without the romantic aspect — is encouraging and positive. “I think the idea of throwing some compliments out there on Instagram is pretty wholesome, which is why I like the account a lot,” Troiano said. “It just seems to spread kindness and cute messages all around.”
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Opinions AN ODE TO THE BIK:
How to find the right Valentine’s Day gift pittnews.com
USING A SHARED SHOWER AT SLEEPAWAY CAMP
Sarah Liez
Staff Columnist From the ages of nine to 15, I spent my summers at one of my favorite places in the world — Camp Galil. This sleepaway camp, being part of a global youth movement that stands for labor Zionism, Judaism and social justice, was a progressive, nonconformist utopia-of-sorts where the normal rules of conventional society did not apply. One of these unspoken elements was that we did not have to feel ashamed about our bodies. Like many sleepaway camps, there is a large bathhouse. While the younger campers most often lived in cabins with bathrooms, the older ones did not — we had “the Bik” where the shower, toilet and sink were all located. There was one controversial element of the Bik — its shower room. The large, tiled room had
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no curtains or dividers, and eight showerheads attached to the walls. When I first used the Bik at age 12, I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable. For the first week, my peers and I showered in our bathing suits, too afraid and insecure to expose ourselves to each other. Though gradually, as we showered with older campers and counselors who seemed so comfortable in their bodies, we grew more comfortable ourselves. Soon, we began showering just as we would at home. When we went home at the end of the summer, I remember feeling lonely during each shower I took. I missed talking with friends, asking questions about our bodies and simply feeling so at ease in my own skin. While the idea of a shared shower can be
daunting, using the Bik truly shaped my understanding of my body in the best ways. One major component of using the Bik was the realistic expectations it set for how a body could look. When I first started showering in the Bik, my body began going through puberty. Hormones charged through my body at what seemed like a slower rate than many of my peers. I felt so insecure and alone, comparing my body to everyone else’s and wondering when I would start to look like them. This anxiety only worsened when I was around some of my male peers, who would make snide remarks about every woman’s body in the premises. They objectified nearly everyone with a vagina. This always made me wonder — what were they saying about me when I wasn’t around? Were they critiquing me on my lack of
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breasts, how skinny I was, how flat? The portrayal of women in the media amplified the tension I felt with my body. We are constantly surrounded by images of the idealized female body — slim, beautiful women with perfect skin and hourglass figures. Although we may recognize how movies, shows, magazines and advertisements set unrealistic expectations for women, it is much harder to resist the idea that this is what your body is meant to look like. It’s even more difficult to stop comparing yourself to these women. To be afraid that, no matter how hard you try or how much your body changes, you will never look like them.
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4
Purity culture is preventing us from living our best sex lives
Grace DeLallo
Assistant Opinions Editor Hi mom and dad, please skip this column. ‘Tis the season of love, which sounds weird considering we should love our people the same all year round. Anyways, the topic of love and sex comes up a lot this time of year, when everything is pink and red, and heart-shaped everything is marketed like crazy. Despite America’s weird fascination with Valentine’s Day, our society doesn’t treat our most intimate interactions with matched enthusiasm. I want that to change. The influence from purity culture is preventing us from having our best sex, simply because it’s hindering the personal conversations that validate our experiences. It’s why people keep having bad sex, because they don’t even know that better experiences await. Although traditional purity culture — the idea that people should abstain from sex until marriage — exists in evangelical Christian faith, it has leaked into our society at-large and shifted
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some of our views about sex and intimacy, especially for women. It’s almost like that separation between church and state has a few cracks in it. To me, it explains why I was taught abstinence-only sex education at my public high school, and why students across the country aren’t taught what sex is or how to be safe when engaging in it. Yet within the same walls that didn’t provide me the necessary teachings on sex and health, Dr. C. Thomas Brophy spoke to my class during my senior year. During his presentation, he talked about things the human brain is programmed to seek out, and one of the things he mentioned — besides food, water, shelter — was sex. It was in that time and place that it clicked — wanting sex is an extremely animal expereince, and humans are animals, too. We are programmed to want sex and have even evolved to find it pleasurable. Although that little part in our head telling us to become aroused or have sex is primal, it also enables us to want to have sex … and we should! Wanting to find sex pleasurable is nothing
to be ashamed of, but the only way we can accomplish this is if space is created and held where people feel comfortable being curious about their sexuality and preferences — even if they aren’t planning on having sex soon. Even with abstinence-only sex education and societal pressures stigmatizing sex, our culture is the most sex positive and progressive it has ever been, but there are still incredible definciencies. Women particularly have a difficult time with sex, but to no fault of their own. There’s an orgasm gap, and just like the pay gap, it sucks. According to a study conducted by the Archives of Sexual Behavior that surveyed more than 52,000 American adults, 95% of heterosexual men reported that they almost nearly or did orgasm every time they had sex. That amount drops to 65% for heterosexual women, which is the group least likely to orgasm out of all groups surveyed — gay, lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual men and women. An article published by the Journal of Experimental Zoology titled “The Evolutionary Origin of Female Orgasm” details that human females
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orgasm inconsistently during sex, particularly without clitorial stimulation. The article says women are more likely to orgasm during masturbation or homosexual intercourse than during heterosexual intercourse, which goes against mainstream portrayals of female sexual pleasure. So while most men are able to orgasm during intercourse, the same is not true for some women, and consequently female pleasure often isn’t prioritized, which can account for these low rates. When we finally figure out what feels good to us, we see the benefits — especially in loving relationships. Love does enhance sex, but it’s not a prerequisite for intercourse. The benefits of having quality sex for women are lower blood pressure rates, improvements in immunity, better heart health, improved selfesteem, decreased depression and anxiety, better sleep and overall stress reduction, both physiologically and emotionally.
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Culture
Staff Picks: Best Breakup Albums pittnews.com
Pitt students hesitant to pursue unvaccinated dates
Grace Hemcher Staff Writer
After two years of lockdowns, quarantine, shelter in places, and everything that comes with pandemic life, college students are ready to get back out on dates — but not with just anyone. Since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, students across campus have continued using dating apps to meet casual flings, long-term partners and friends. But what most students will tell you, such as senior applied developmental psychology major Rachael Stowe, is that they are not interested in continuing a conversation after learning that someone is unvaccinated. “Generally, one of the first questions I ask, when people say, ‘Do you want to go out?’ is ‘Are you vaccinated?’” Stowe said. “And if they say no, I immediately unmatch them. I just don't have time for that. I don't have time to get
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COVID.” Dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble and Hinge now give users the option to include vaccination status on their profiles. For students who prefer a vaccinated match, it makes the decision an automatic yes or no, and the transition into COVID-19 conversations much smoother. Kate Roche, a junior media and professional communications major, said the inclusion of vaccination status on profiles makes it easier to know someone’s view on vaccines before even talking with them, which can make or break a potential connection. “For people who are vaccinated, I assume that most of them would want to be around people who are vaccinated as well,” Roche said. “And let's say somebody is an anti-vaxxer, that might be a big turn-off for them.” Roche met her current boyfriend of two years and her best friend through dating apps. She said the pandemic gave her the opportunity
to connect with people that she possibly would never have met, had it not been for these apps. “We started dating in the pandemic from Tinder, and we've been dating for two years now, and then I downloaded Bumble BFF to meet friends since when we had online school,” Roche said. “I felt like I had two occasions where I met some of my favorite people through dating apps that I probably wouldn't have met otherwise.” For immunocompromised students such as Amanda Carson, it’s important to not only know vaccination status, but also whether someone is being conscious of exposure in their social life. “I think when it comes to approaching going out on a date, that's when I'll have that conversation,” Carson, a junior natural sciences major, said. “Normally, I'll add people on Snapchat before that and then you can see what they're doing based on their stories. So that gives me
February 9, 2022
a clue before having that formal conversation.” On apps that allow you to disclose your vaccination status, you are not required to submit your vaccine card for confirmation. Since there is no proof required, it can cause some students, such as Stowe, to question whether or not their potential date is being truthful or not. “The main problem with it is people can obviously lie about that, and I guarantee people have,” Stowe said. “I'm more likely to swipe right on people who have the vaccine sticker because then I don't have to ask them, and I try to think in good faith that they definitely are vaccinated.” While the lack of proof may leave some students hesitant, others, like Carson, believe that people who are unvaccinated are likely to own up to it and wouldn’t go to the extent of lying on the apps.
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6
Students in search of Pittsburgh date spots for Valentine’s Day
Sarah Demchak Staff Writer
Romance, love and anxious crushes float throughout the Pittsburgh air this week with Valentine’s Day right around the corner. From quirky cafes and art museums to picnics and ice skating — Pittsburgh has a plethora of date spots for Pitt lovebirds. The Pittsburgh museums are free for students with their Panther card. For example, Pitt students can attend the Andy Warhol Museum, the Carnegie Museums of Art and Natural History, the Mattress Factory and more free of charge. For those looking to save even more money and use their meal plan, there are many Oakland restaurants that accept dining dollars and Panther Funds. Oishii Bento, Pamela’s Diner and The Milkshake Factory are just a handful of options that take dining dollars. Cameron Chase, a junior environmental studies major, has taken advantage of student perks to save money on dates. She said her favorite date was going to Phipps Conservatory and
Botanical Gardens and eating at The Porch afterward. “One of my favorite date spots was going to Phipps just because it’s so close to campus, plus we get in free with our Pitt IDs, that made it super easy to even just go there with friends or a date,” Chase said. “After going to Phipps, I also went to The Porch, which was really good because their pizza is amazing — chef’s kiss.” Lauren Lussier, a junior chemistry major, also enjoyed Phipps and The Porch as date spots. She said the ideal location and the garden’s constant variety makes it a great place to visit. “Going to Phipps and walking around and then eating at The Porch or something a little more formal down in Oakland would definitely be my favorite because it’s simple and easy, especially for us because we can just walk there,” Lussier said. “It’s fun because Phipps is always so different every time you go, and it’s romantic because there’s so many flowers and there’s picture spots.” Running with the broke college student trope,
Oakland offers pretty areas to simply meander around with a date, according to Gileanna Ortiz, a junior chemistry major. Schenley Park has miles of hiking trails to explore for those looking for an active excursion. The Cathedral lawn holds lots of potential too. Lussier said one of her favorite dates was a picnic in front of Cathy. “I’ve had someone do a picnic for me outside of Cathy once — that was cute,” Lussier said. “He got food from The Porch and we sat on a blanket outside of Cathy and had a picnic. I think the picnic on Cathy lawn is really sweet because it’s really romantic. You can dress it up or dress it down depending on what you want to do with it.” Venturing outside of Oakland, there are many other date spots in Pittsburgh’s neighborhoods, such as Lawrenceville, Downtown, the Strip District, South Side and North Shore. Ortiz enjoyed visiting Lawrenceville with her date because there is a lot to explore. “Lawrenceville has a lot of really nice things,” Ortiz said. “We just walked down Butler Street, looked at all the cute shops, got lunch and played
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pinball at Kickback Pinball Cafe.” Sports fans can take their dates to see the Steelers, the Penguins or the Riverhounds. Heinz Field is located in the North Shore, the PPG Paints Arena is in Downtown and Highmark Stadium is located in the South Side. Lussier enjoyed attending a Riverhounds game. The Pittsburgh’s soccer team’s stadium is located near the Monongahela Incline. Both Chase and Lussier enjoyed taking the Monongahela Incline up to Mount Washington, remarking on its iconic picture spots and pretty views. Lussier said the restaurants in Mount Washington are quite expensive, but there are some dessert shops up there that college students can still enjoy. “It’s kind of fun to just walk around up there and look at the restaurants,” Lussier said. “There are crepe places and ice cream places that you can stand outside and eat, I think that’s cute.”
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Sports
Former football stars put on strong Senior Bowl showing pittnews.com
Pitt women’s lacrosse makes last preparations for first game
Richie Smiechowski Senior Staff Writer
With a determined grin, Pitt women’s lacrosse head coach Emily Boissonneault walked toward the turf at Highmark Stadium not with a stick, but a shovel. Hailing from Canada, having to clear a snow-covered lacrosse field has become a norm for her. Athletic director Heather Lyke laughed knowingly at the sight, reminiscing on her days at Michigan. “This is normal for lacrosse this time of year,” Lyke said. “It’s a little like softball at Michigan, you have to be tough to play.” The coaches and a few players shoveling hardly managed to make a dent in their efforts to clear the field prior to their Monday morning practice. Regardless, the snow wouldn’t be an obstacle in the team’s preparations for Fri-
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day’s matchup against Duquesne — the first official regular season game in program history. The players and coaches huddled near the sideline just after 8 a.m., taking in praises and encouragement from Lyke, who recognized that the moment had been years in the making. “I just wanted to say thanks in believing what we are building,” Lyke said. “Confidence is internal, so you’ve got to believe you can make a difference. They came here to make a difference in this sport and put it on the map.” Lyke had one last surprise for the players before they began practice, as she guided them into their very own locker room at Highmark stadium. The room is situated right across the hall from the Pittsburgh Riverhounds’ locker room and features new jerseys, TVs and blue-
and-gold embellishments galore. The new facility blew senior midfielder Payton Reed away. She said having two stateof-the-art locker rooms shows just how much Pitt athletics supports them. “I don’t think it’s anything we were expecting,” Reed said. “We got one amazing locker room, and this was just the icing on the cake, it’s awesome in there. It’s cool to see what people do for us, how much people believe in us, and we’re excited to show them what we got.” Despite the players’ excitement for the locker room, they only lingered for a few moments before running back out the double doors and back onto the turf to start practice. Energy was high among the players and coaches, despite the cold temperatures. Boissonneault said it’s been a challenging journey getting to this point, but after 2 1/2 years of waiting, they’re just ready to play and find out
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what level they can compete at. “Every week it’s a little bit different,” Boissonneault said. “At first it was like, this is our history, this is everything … I’m just excited to play a game and make adjustments, where are we?” While starting a program from the ground up has been a monumental task for Boissonneault, her players and the entire athletic department, it’s not a feat that’s foreign to her. As a collegiate athlete at Detroit Mercy, she had a chance to do the same thing as a player. In a similar situation for the second time, Boissonneault said the biggest challenges are educating lacrosse players across the country about the reputation of Pitt, as well as finding leaders in a team of 38 new players.
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Ones that got away: Pitt transfers thriving in post-Panther days Zack Gibney
Senior Staff Writer At some point during Saturday night’s contest against Virginia Tech, it would’ve been easy for the average Pitt men’s basketball fan to reminisce about what could have been. The Panthers surrendered 14 consecutive field goals in a first half that made the Hokies look like Michael Jordan’s Chicago Bulls of the 1990s. Despite their lack of success in the past decade or so, there hasn’t been a lack of talent on the floor of the Pete. Several top-shelf college players and future NBA players have actually been relatively easy to come by. But alas, most of these players’ successes have come after their departure from Pitt. So in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, let’s take a trip down memory lane and remember a few of “the ones that got away” and what they’re up to in their post-Pitt lives. Cameron Johnson It’s impossible to talk about players who left Pitt without mentioning Moon Township native and former Kevin Stallings-era guard Cameron Johnson. Standing at 6-foot-9 with
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a knack for shooting beyond the arc, Johnson was the kind of high-ceiling player that could have been a star at Pitt. Johnson played sparingly in his first two seasons in Oakland, but started all 33 games in his third. Johnson played well, averaging just under 12 points per game, but there was a sense that he was capable of more. Unfortunately for the Panthers, they had to watch from a distance as Johnson evolved into the NBA-level player that he has become while on another team. Johnson stayed in-conference, transferring to North Carolina — the defending national champion — prior to the 2017-18 season. Under head coach Roy Williams, Johnson continued to improve and eventually blossomed into one of the best players in the nation. After starting 20 games for the Tar Heels during his first season in powder blue, Johnson became an integral part of one of the country’s premier teams. Johnson averaged 16.9 points per game in his final season with North Carolina prior to being selected with the 11th overall pick in the 2019 NBA Draft by the Phoenix Suns.
The ex-Panther played a key role in getting the Suns to the NBA Finals last year and is now one of the more promising young players in the NBA. Marcus Carr Carr transferred from Pitt after just one season with the program in 2017-18. The move came after Pitt cut ties with Kevin Stallings who led the Panthers to an infamous 0-18 mark in ACC play. The program lacked direction and leadership, so Carr chose to abandon ship and make the move to Minnesota. After taking a redshirt season upon transferring, Carr quickly became a fixture at the point for Minnesota in the 2019-20 season and continued to elevate his game. The shifty guard averaged nearly 20 points per game in 2020-21, turning into a full-fledged star in his second season with the Golden Gophers. Carr has taken a step back since transferring to Texas prior to the 2021-22 season, but still serves a vital role in the top-25 Longhorns’ lineup and will likely play professionally after his final season. Au’Diese Toney and Xavier Johnson This is a two-for-one because it’s extremely
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difficult to tell the story of one without mentioning the other. Toney and Johnson along with now-Toronto Raptor Justin Champagnie led last season’s Pitt squad to an extremely promising start, and inspired belief that Capel’s “brick-by-brick” approach was finally beginning to yield on-court results. Pitt’s “big three” of Toney, Johnson and Champagnie averaged a combined 46.6 points per game, and things were looking up for a Pitt program that had been stuck in neutral. The pinnacle was ultimately short-lived. Both Johnson and Toney suddenly entered the transfer portal after the team had gone cold. Regardless of what may or may not have transpired between the players and program, both were gone. After Champagnie’s departure for the NBA Draft, Pitt was left scrambling for answers with its three top scorers departing. Toney moved on to Arkansas while Johnson headed to Indiana, and both continue to contribute heavily to their respective teams. Johnson has started in every game for the Hoosiers while Toney is shooting nearly 60% from the field on a strong Razorbacks squad.
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Advice, pg. 2 Wright said while work and compromising is a natural part of established relationships, you shouldn’t have to compromise before you commit if you’re really looking for the right one. “There's enough people in the world that there's no reason to compromise before you start dating somebody,” Wright said. “Like you'll fall in love with somebody and have to make plenty of compromises, pre compromising, not necessary.” Murtazashvili said economics and relationships have some overlap. For example, a sunk cost is an investment that you can’t get back. Murtazashvili told a story from one of his professors, where two students were talking about their own relationships and how they had been in them for a number of months, but it wasn’t working. He said they weren’t sure if they wanted to stay together, meaning their relationship was like a sunk cost. “Those are sunk costs, you have to ignore those,” Murtazashvili said. “You just move on. Well, I’ve been in this relationship for so long, but the general idea is sometimes if you can't get those years back or months or days or something just try to do what's best going forward. Be forward looking, rather than backward looking.” While it’s important to remain forward looking with your partner, Wright said joy and fun is important in a relationship, as well. To her, finding someone who will pick you up when you’re down and knows how to get you to laugh is key. She said something that is very important is to keep any relationship fresh and exciting. “My husband and I will sometimes find ourselves playing tag, or just silly things like grown people probably shouldn't be doing,” Wright said. “Life can be really hard, and so having a partner that's very good and you have those fun moments, so long as you don’t expect them to be all the time.” Robinson said while it is important to push yourself to go out and try to meet new people, when you meet the one, there should be a connection. “I spent years before meeting him trying to make shit happen with disaster
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people. I'm like ‘No dammit. I'm supposed to be dating someone,’” Robinson said. “And just like trying to make things happen. And when I met my husband that wasn’t the case. It just kind of worked.” But to find that right someone, Murtazashvili said you need to be yourself — stop mulling over the idea of who you want to be and be yourself — people will find that much more appealing. He also said you need to take risks. By being yourself and taking risks, even if you don’t get what you want, he said you’ll be in a much better place moving for-
ward. “Take the risks, a lot of us are just risk averse. And ask something, even if you know there’s a chance that you might not get whatever it is you were hoping for,” Murtazashvili said. “You got to just open yourself up a little bit. If you can open yourself up and be authentic. Usually, you’ll be in a pretty good position.” Robinson said being in a serious relationship should feel right with the person. Don’t do it when it feels like everyone else is, do it when it feels like you and your partner are ready for whatever the next step is.
“I say never enter into a serious relationship because you think that's like the next thing you're supposed to do,” Robinson said. “Society very much has these ideas about, it's time for you to get into a serious relationship. It's time to get married. It's time for you to have kids. So many people around me who you could see it was just like their light went on. You can do all of that when it feels right with the person, not when you feel like you need to meet a deadline.”
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For Rent South Oakland Now Renting for Fall 2022. John C.R. Realty: Various 1, 2 & 3 bed‑ rooms in South Oakland. Call 412‑683‑7300. Visit us on the web at: www.jcrkelly.com Oakland house spacious two and a half story, living room, dining room, eat in equipped kitchen, 5 bedrooms two baths, front and rear porch, yard. $2,400 +utilities/mo. Dunseith St. near Trees hall/ Peterson events center. Available August 2022. 412‑321‑6282.
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