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‘Can I hook up with this boy?’: Couples navigate relationships, sex and COVID-19 safety
Millicent Watt Staff Writer
Safety precautions have been ingrained into our minds during the COVID-19 pandemic — wash your hands, wear masks, socially distance — but things can get complicated when you want to meet “the one,” hang out with your significant other or engage in activities that aren’t so socially distanced. Randi, a sophomore who asked to be identified only by her first name, said she and her boyfriend had thrown around unconventional ideas — such as wearing masks or not kissing — in order to stay safe while having sex. These ideas are reminiscent of the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene’s guide-
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lines on how to have safe sex during the pandemic, which were used by colleges — including the University of Georgia — to educate students. “Yeah, there's no way around it. Let's just kind of be clear with our families that we could intermix, and we were both really safe, just otherwise,” Randi said. “It just kind of became a thing that we are within each other's close circle now and we have to understand that and act accordingly.” As the United States nears its one year anniversary with the COVID-19 pandemic, many Pitt students have encountered a wide array of relationship experiences, from being long distance, quarantining together, breaking up or “dating around.” Jack Wells, a junior political science major,
started dating his girlfriend before the pandemic, and had to resort to long distance when his girlfriend returned to her hometown in New Rochelle, New York, one of the areas hit the hardest by COVID-19. Wells said the spike in COVID-19 cases in New Rochelle made him fearful for his girlfriend and her family’s health. “I relate back to when the pandemic started, all of a sudden, there is this fear as COVID was spreading through New Rochelle,” Wells said. “It was like, ‘Oh crap, is Alanna going to get it, are her parents gonna get it, is she gonna lose family members?’” Wells is from Pittsburgh, and he and his girlfriend had to discuss how to see each other while still remaining safe when she returned to Pitt. Ac-
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cording to Wells, his girlfriend was staying with some friends, but Wells was living at home at the time and didn’t want to put his family at risk. “I had to cancel our plans, because I was still living at home with my parents. And if they get COVID it would be a bad time,” Wells said. “So we kind of had to adjust our plans and say like, ‘Look, I have to wait until I’m moved out for us to hang out because I can't risk getting my parents sick.’” Wells was not the only person to be concerned about safety while seeing his significant other. Randi said she had to have similar conversations with her boyfriend, whom she started dating during quarantine in March. See Relationships on page 3
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Relationships, pg. 2 “We kind of stopped getting closer to each other for like a month, because we were starting to get scared. We were just confused, we were like, ‘What do we, how do we do this,’” Randi said. “It's probably the most conversation I've ever had about intimacy with a guy in a relationship, simply because of safety.” Both Randi and her boyfriend were living at home with their parents, and had to take into consideration their families’ health when wanting to have sex. Randi said she had to disclose information about her sex life to her friends and family due to the risk of contracting and spreading COVID-19. “Everybody needs to know about my sex life because it really does involve so many people,” Randi said. “It's like the first time in history that your sex life genuinely impacts the health and lives and well being of a bunch of other people and that's weird, isn't it?” Randi added that she felt like a little kid having to ask her parents for permission to see her boyfriend. “I had to essentially ask my mom, ‘Can I hook up with this boy?’ And I'm 19 years old, and I feel like I'm 12,” Randi said. “But I need to ask my mommy for permission.” Randi was not alone in having to have serious discussions about safety and accountability. Wells faced these difficult conversations as well, and that he and his girlfriend dealt by remaining relaxed and mature. “Just holding each other accountable, being able to do that and then have a mature discussion and have a relaxed discussion certainly strengthened our relationship,” Wells said. “That's something that a lot of people could fight about, but like we never did.” Amanda Forest, an assistant professor of psychology, researches how couples maintain romantic relationships during difficult times, with a focus in communication processes. Forest said research that studies how external stressors — like natural disasters or terrorist attacks — may affect relationships are now being used to study how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting relationships. According to Forest, the pandemic creates a host of external stressors, including fear of contracting COVID-19, losing loved ones, job loss or income decreases, all of which can affect a relationship and how partners interact with each other. Maria Scanga, a sophomore English and GSWS double major, currently lives with her girlfriend, whom she started dating in May. Scanga
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said she and her girlfriend have experienced mental, financial and school stress. “We used to spend time together, just to have a good time and make it a fun time,” Scanga said. “But now like a lot of mental health strains, a lot of financial stress, a lot of school stress. It's really hard for us to back away from all of that and just enjoy ourselves, and just have time together where we're not thinking about ‘what do we have to do for school?’” Scanga also said that although these difficulties arise, living with her girlfriend has helped them, as a couple, to communicate and overcome obstacles. “The one nice thing about living together in a pandemic is when you are fighting you are forced to get over it really quickly,” Scanga said. “Instead of just sitting in your anger and moping about it, you actually are forced to sit down and say ‘Hey let's stop fighting and talk about this.’” But for some, the pandemic proved to be too much. Tori Hua, a junior psychology major, started dating her now-ex-boyfriend before quarantine. But once the pandemic began, she said the stress became too great and caused them to break up. Hua said even if the pandemic didn’t happen,
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Opinions
Film intimacy coaches; Pandemic dates pittnews.com
You don’t have to declare a sexuality
Leah Mensch Opinions Editor
When I was in my first year at Pitt, someone asked me what my sexuality was, to which I responded, “I don’t know, but I’m definitely not straight.” At the beginning of high school, I was pretty sure I was straight because the prospect of dating men felt fine, and the prospect of dating women felt scary. So I declared my sexuality as exactly that — straight. By the end of high school, I wasn’t sure this was right, but I didn’t have any queer friends and I’d never been with a woman. It seems so strange to me now that I didn’t make any queer friends or meet an openly queer adult until I got to college. But it’s the truth. I re-declared my sexuality at the beginning of college, which was “I don’t know but I’m definitely not straight.” In hindsight, “queer” — which by definition refers to anyone who isn’t straight or cisgender — was probably the word I was looking for, but I’m not sure “queer” was even in my vocabulary back then. I didn’t try to hide being queer, but for the most part, I didn’t tell anyone about my sexuality because nobody asked me about my sexuality. I resisted the idea of formally coming out because I felt as though it implied there was something inherently shameful about being queer. But I also resisted coming out because I didn’t know how to explain my sexuality — because I didn’t really know what it was. What I didn’t understand then — what I’ve only recently come to terms with — is that my sexuality is constantly shifting, and I’m likely never going to be exactly sure what it is. And I don’t have to be. About halfway through college, I started using the word “bisexual” to describe myself, mostly because I had been with a lot of men — including one longterm relationship, and my feelings at the time were real. But bisexual didn’t seem right to me either. I wasn’t equally at-
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tracted to men and women, and though a lot of bisexual identifying people aren’t, I could no longer imagine myself in a longterm relationship with someone who wasn’t a woman. I spent the next few years going back and forth on whether or not I was interested in men at all. The consensus most
Zhong, describes the combination of ways in which sexuality can shift — by way of living environment, interaction in different communities, personal experiences, sexual experiences and personal choice, too. I might not have ever even questioned my sexuality had I not found a queer community in college, had I not
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recently is no, I am not, but I thought I was tied to bisexuality because I’d had feelings for men in the past. It wasn’t until the past year or so that people started to open conversations about sexual fluidity in front of me, and I realized that sexuality actually can shift over time. Human sexuality — like all beautiful things in life, really — is messy and complex. Stanford researchers think so too. One of these researchers, Lily
had the space to experiment. For the past year or so, I’ve primarily been interested in women. But I’ve gone back to just using the label “queer” because limiting my sexuality to women might give the impression to others that I’m not attracted to non-binary and trans people. I am. And anyway, I’m only about 65% woman. But I suppose, like sexuality, gender is subject to change too. Truthfully, I’d probably still go out
February 10, 2021
and have a drink with a guy — when the pandemic is over, obviously. But to echo what I said earlier, I can’t imagine being in a long-term relationship with one. Who knows, though — maybe I’ll change my mind. Maybe in 25 years, I’ll submit a follow-up op-ed and I’ll be married to a straight man. When I think back to my first year — the “I don’t know but I’m definitely not straight” moment — I mostly laugh, because it feels like a wonderful and strange coming-of-age story. But I also think, for as confused as I was, younger me was onto something. “Definitely not straight,” is probably the only permanent label I’ll ever be able to claim. While it can be fun and beautiful, nobody is obliged to declare their sexuality — not permanently or temporarily. I am probably going to re-declare my sexuality at least nine more times before I’m 50. And I will do so gloriously. I spent a long time trying to “figure out” my sexuality. I always thought part of the queer experince was navigating my way through confusion and twists and turns and uncomfortable hookups until I found answers about my sexual preferences. Now, I understand that constant questioning and fluidity, however it may manifest — gender, pronouns, sexuality — is the queer experince within itself. We’re not searching for answers as much as we are searching for ourselves. And throughout life, human beings change and move around a lot. I don’t have to stay in the same place. Nobody has to stay in the same place. It took me nearly five years to find the words for this. I’m glad I finally have. Write to Leah at lem140@pitt.edu.
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Culture
Staff picks
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Falling in love with Shakespeare on Zoom
Ananya Pathapadu Staff Writer
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, you might be looking for a good romantic comedy to watch. Pittsburgh Shakespeare in the Park is bringing you a modern take on Shakespeare’s “Love’s Labour’s Lost” this week. Pittsburgh Shakespeare in the Park provides free public Shakespeare performances in Pittsburgh’s parks. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, the company has been doing virtual shows, and “Love’s Labour’s Lost,” directed by Irene Alby, teaching assistant professor of acting and directing at West Virginia University, and Cornel Gabara, associate professor of acting at WVU, is not the company’s first virtual show.
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“Love’s Labour's Lost” tells the story of the King of Navarre and his men, who take an oath to avoid women and relationships. When the Princess of France arrives with her women to make a deal with the kingdom, the men must face their oath and the love they feel for the women. Alby and Gabara’s take on “Love’s Labour’s Lost” is showing this Thursday through next Monday at 7 p.m. for $17 a ticket. The directors’ take on the play involves gender-bending and nontraditional casting, with actors playing characters that in other castings would be done by an actor of a different age, gender or race. “We broke through boundaries of age, race, gender, sexuality. We just wanted
to allow anyone to play anything,” Alby said. “To kind of say, okay this character would traditionally be played by a 20-year-old girl, but what if we give to a 40-year-old man, or an older woman? This was the approach that we took.” Alby and Gabara both said they felt that non-traditional casting was the right choice. Given the roots of Shakespearean theater being filled with all male casts, Gabara said he saw little reason to fit characters into two boxes of male and female. “During Shakespeare’s time, we cannot forget, the actors were all men. Every part was played by men, so just by starting at the root of what theater was and meant for Elizabethan time, all these boundaries can be totally broken. Ulti-
February 10, 2021
mately theater is a convention,” Gabara said. “We, in the 20th century and 21st century, are conditioned to think that men should play men and women should play women, but I don’t think It’s necessary.” Not only is the casting contemporary, but Alby explained that they have modified the original script for modern audiences. She said she thought that in the same way Shakespeare wrote for his time, directors today can direct to fit the time they live in. “It’s very contemporary, even though it’s Shakespeare. People think Shakespeare has to be set in Elizabethan England, but Shakespeare was writing for the time he lived in, just as we are doing See Shakespeare on page 6
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Shakespeare, pg. 5 it now for the people today,� Alby said. “So, we haven’t done it in a historical way, we’ve done it in a contemporary way.� The play has a cast of eight members who each have more than one role. Jeffrey Chips, artistic director of Steel City Shakespeare Center, who plays Princess of France and Sir Nathaniel, said he finds that playing two completely different characters helps him tell the story to the audience. “I live for this. Creating characters with distinctly different characteristics is one of the best ways to tell a clear story,� Chips said. “In this play, I get to play a young princess and an old pastor. It doesn't get much more different than that,� According to the directors, producing the show in a virtual setting presented a difficult set of circumstances to the company. Gabara explained that to allow the audience to have a more seamless experience, a lot of behind the scenes work was needed to coordinate the cast members and settings on Zoom.
“In order to unify the Zoom individual frames, through the work of our set and costume designer Lisa Leibering, we are trying to create a unified background,� Gabara said. “There are all these technical things that need to be overcome like trying to match the lighting, angle of the camera. You can imagine it’s not easy, it's even more difficult than in film.� Along with the challenges brought on
by a virtual production, Gabara found that there are advantages as well. Because cast members do not have to meet and rehearse in Pittsburgh, this show was able to have cast members from Pittsburgh, West Virginia, South Carolina and Colorado who are all performing from the safety of their home. “The good thing about Zoom is that we actually can put people together,� Gabara said. “That happened all at one
time, different time zones, different geographical locations, but all united by one desire to do theater, to continue to do theater and be artists and fulfill our function as artists in this tough time.â€? Chips said in his view, Pittsburgh Shakespeare in the Park has brought together artists from across the country, and will bring theater to audiences whether it's in a park or on a virtual platform. “If the last 11 months has taught me anything — and it has taught me many things — it's that it'll take a lot more than a global pandemic to keep me from making theater,â€? Chips said.Â
Pittsburgh Shakespeare in the Parks’ take on Shakespeare’s “Love’s Labour’s Lost� is showing this Thursday through Monday, Feb. 15, at 7 p.m Image courtesy of Pittsburgh Shakespeare in the Parks
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February 10, 2021
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Sports Alex Lehmbeck
The love-hate relationship between Pitt fans and Pat Narduzzi
Sports Editor
We all know the pair. Those high school sweethearts from your hometown that never seem to maintain a consistent relationship status, yet at times appear inseparable. They annoy their peers with public displays of affection in the hallways, but rant about their disdain for each other in group chats the next day. While this hot-andcold treatment might appear unpredictable, its routine and repeated changes give the relationship an ironic kind of consistency. As Pitt students, we can probably think of these affairs taking place on campus right now, whether it be a roommate’s on-and-off fling or your own. But the most exemplary case in Oakland has taken place in front of our own eyes, and in fact we all happen to be a part of it — the love-hate relationship between Pitt football head coach Pat Narduzzi and Panther Nation. Pitt didn’t officially go out with Narduzzi until December 2014, but it’s important to understand the duo’s relationship history that brought them together. Pitt fans had endured some rocky affairs in the years prior — ending stints with Dave Wannstedt, Mike Haywood, Todd Graham and Paul Chryst — so they desperately hoped to find something long term. If Pitt football was “The Bachelor,” Narduzzi swooped in as the fan-favorite candidate that sported a fierce resume. The then-Michigan State defense coordinator had played a huge role in the No. 5 team’s 11-2 season in 2014, and had earned the Broyles Award the year before, presented to the nation’s top assistant coach. And it immediately seemed like the right choice. Narduzzi and the Pitt fanbase reached a honeymoon stage very early on. The enthusiastic leader produced an impressive 8-5 record and a top-25 ranking in just his first season at the helm, something the Panthers hadn’t accomplished since 2010. But it wasn’t just Narduzzi’s record that gained him popularity. He brought a captivating style of confidence, making bold decisions and
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shunning analytics as a blue-collar, grind-it-out model that Yinzers could get behind. After Pitt narrowly escaped Atlanta with a three-point win over Georgia Tech, a reporter brought up the team’s questionable defensive performance, in which they gave up 376 yards on the ground. “All those stats are for losers,” Narduzzi said. “All that matters is the ‘W’.” Narduzzi’s second year brought along lots of sentiment for the fanbase as well. The team got off to a beautiful start, defeating arch-rival Penn State in the schools’ first meeting since 2000. Pitt fans loved their head coach’s disrespect towards the Nittany Lions, from his postgame quotes to sophomore wideout Qadree Henderson’s description of what made the win special. “Just the fact that they’re Penn State,” Hender-
son said, “Coach Narduzzi said they’re arrogant.” At the end of the year, the Panthers shocked No. 2 Clemson on the road. Who could forget Narduzzi’s odd communication of confidence before kicker Chris Blewitt handed the Tigers their first loss to an unranked opponent since 2011? Like all long-term relationships, though, the immaculately sunny days wouldn’t last forever. After going 16-10 in his first two seasons the Narduzzi train hit a rough stretch, stumbling to a 5-7 record that left Pitt out of bowl festivities for the first time in 10 years. That campaign seemed off from the start, barely escaping Narduzzi’s alma mater Youngstown State in the opener, before giving up 49 first half points to Oklahoma State.
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But in true Narduzzi fashion, the team put together a surprising performance to keep the head coach off the hot seat. After a horrible Thursday night performance against North Carolina, and a pathetic goal-line sequence to lose in Blacksburg, Pitt somehow managed to spoil No. 2 Miami’s undefeated season in its final matchup. Narduzzi left Heinz Field that day with positive momentum for the future and the emergence of his trusted lead for the next three years — firstyear quarterback Kenny Pickett. Pitt athletic director Heather Lyke rewarded Narduzzi with a whopping seven-year contract extension just a couple of weeks after the
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