Table of Contents
Best RA . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
CLUB POWERLIFTING PHOTO STORY ONLINE
Best class . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Best band . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Top 10: Amazon HQ2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 Oakland food run. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Best of: Voter’s picks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 Top 10: Best diets . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 Cover: Jordan Mondell Contributing Editor
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Go to pittnews.com for coverage of Mayor Bill Peduto’s talk with student government, Pitt’s Social Justice Symposium and sports recaps.
January 19, 2018
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Best of: Best RA
DANTE WATSON: Running the track and the floor
Trent Leonard Staff Writer
Sophomore track athlete Dante Wilson serves as a resident assistant for first-year students in Sutherland Hall East. Courtesy of Dante Watson
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Between lacing up his cleats for a race and spending late nights studying in Hillman, sophomore track athlete Dante Watson has a few other responsibilities: mediating disputes, doing rounds on dorm floors and being a good listener. In addition to being an athlete and a full-time student studying communication, Watson is a resident assistant on the fifth floor of Sutherland Hall East. And though he is probably one of the busiest students on campus, that didn’t stop him from being voted best RA on campus in The Pitt News’ “Best Of ” poll. “Last semester, there were days when I would have lifting at 7:30, then right after lifting I would have class at 10 until 2,” Watson said. “Then I would have practice from about 2:45 until 5:30, and then mandatory study hours, and then whatever RA duties or staff meetings that came after that.” On the track team, Watson runs in the 400- and 800-meter events, as well as the 4x400m relay. Last indoor season, he posted Pitt’s top performance in the 800m with a time of 1:53.13. This indoor season, Watson experimented with the 600m for the first time — and neared the Pitt record time of 1:18.26, finishing just 0.5 seconds behind. Watson said he intends to break the record at one of Pitt’s upcoming indoor meets. His athletic abilities are not limited to just the track, though. At North Penn High School, Watson played a significant role as cornerback and wide receiver on one of Pennsylvania’s top high school football teams during his senior year. East Stroudsburg University actively recruited Watson to the point that he committed for football, but eventually changed his mind and decided to take Pitt’s offer to join the track team. Since coming to Oakland, Watson has been just as active off the track as he is on it. Watson is enrolled in a 16-credit course load for the semester. And in his role as a RA, Watson said the first-year students on his floor make his job easy, for the most part. “There’s not too many problems at all,” Watson
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said. “People do a good job of self-policing and taking accountability for themselves. I put the focus on interaction, so anyone knows that if they do have a problem, they can come to me.” On floor five, the residents have taken a liking to Watson’s personality and way of dealing with problems on the floor, as evidenced by his “Best Of ” win. “I like that he’s laid-back, but also enforces the rules when they need to be enforced,” Amanda Parent, one of the first-year students on Watson’s floor, said. “Anytime I had problems, he was able to help, which was nice.” It may seem challenging to be available to floor residents while balancing so much outside of being an RA — but Watson makes it work. “Dante is always there for us, whether we need help in school, our social lives or just someone to talk to,” fellow fifth-floor member Chris Cappas said. “He’s knocked on all our doors and even ordered pizza for our entire floor just to get to know all of us better.” Even though Watson is able to handle all of his responsibilities most of the time, his schedule can be overwhelming. There are the assigned hours he must patrol each floor on the building, plus whatever shifts he picks up. There are also weekly RA staff meetings that often run from 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. Taking all that into account, Watson has dealt with some late nights. “There were some days where I’d get like 3-4 hours of sleep after all that,” Watson said. The lack of rest originally took a toll on Watson’s body, he said, to the point where he would often be both physically and mentally exhausted. But he became acclimated to the workload, and revamped his class schedule for this semester to allow for a decent night’s sleep. Above all, Watson has made room — and sacrificed rest — for the two things he cares about: running and helping others. “I don’t regret it at all,” Watson said of his decision to take on multiple roles. “I’m a competitive person, so I want to push myself to my limits. That’s how you know what you’re capable of.”
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Best of: Best Class Students rush to take
Russian Fairy Tales
Garrett Aguilar | SENIOR STAFF ILLUSTRATOR
Janine Faust
Assistant News Editor Professors within the department of Slavic languages and literatures faculty at Pitt encountered a shrinking student interest in their courses in the mid-1990s. They weren’t alone — many other Slavic departments across the country were likewise noticing a decline in enrollment. “Not many students were interested in studying the Russian language outside of those majoring in Russian,” David Birnbaum, the co-chair of the Slavic department, said. But Pitt came up with a solution to ensure the department didn’t sink. The then-chair of the department, Helena Goscilo, decided Pitt’s Slavic studies needed a course specifically designed to attract students outside of the Russian major — so she and several other professors created Russian Fairy Tales. Now, more than 20 years later, the Russian Fairy Tales course is still incredibly popular at Pitt, winning the best class category in The Pitt News’ “Best Of ” poll. Birnbaum said the course is filled to capacity every fall, spring and summer semester it’s offered. The course introduces students to a wide selection of Russian fairy tales and examines the aesthetic, social and psychological values they reflect. Currently, the main section has a maximum enrollment of 350 students, but a second
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smaller course is offered through the College of General Studies for nontraditional students. The class has three exams and includes study sections such as “Wicked Stepmothers” and “Marxism and Disney.” Russian Fairy Tales is currently taught by Robert Chip Crane, a visiting lecturer at Pitt who has been instructing the class since 2013. He’s changed the course structure slightly since he took over by incorporating more modern media, such as video clips, into his lectures. But he said the goals of the course are unchanged. “We’re basically into three things — fairy tales as a specific type of art form, the tales as a way to introduce students to Russian culture and introducing people to the humanities through various methods, like doing feminist readings and Marxist readings of different material,” he said. Initially, two instructors taught the the course to approximately 60 students in the 1990s, according to a report published in the journal Folklorica by the Slavic languages and literatures department in 2001. The main course went on to reach an enrollment cap of more than 200 students by 2000. Student interest remained so high that the advising center urged the Slavic department to add another section of 100 students taught by another instructor and provided extra funding to support the course. By 2000 the department also began teaching the course in the summer. J.D. Wright, a visiting lecturer in Pitt’s Slavic department, has taught recitations for Crane’s class for three years and sometimes fills in for lectures. He said the course is popular because of the unusual and wide range of content it covers that college students don’t usually encounter. “We go from looking at medieval Russian peasants and what they believed about the spirits and the gods to looking at Marxist theory and how Marxism dealt with fairy tales,” he said. “The fairytales give us a doorway that we can walk through to a lot of different interesting rooms.” Jenna Porter, a sophomore rehabilitation science major enrolled in the course, said she decided to take it to fill a humanities general education requirement. But she was also attracted to the class because she’d never had the opportunity to take a course on such a specific and uncommon topic. “I’ve taken history courses before, but I never had the option to take something like this in high school,” she said. “The fairy tales are different than the ones I’m used to. There’s
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more witches than princesses.” Birnbaum said the class is beneficial for all students — especially first years — since it serves as an introductory course to the humanities and helps increase analytical skills. Students in the course learn how to observe culture through reading literary texts and listening to music, among other activities. “While centered around the theme of Russian fairy tales, it’s a really broad course,” he said. “The fairy tale material is fun, but hopefully long after [the students] finish the class they may forget the fairy tales but remember this is where they first analyzed a ballet.” Professor Olga Klimova, a visiting lecturer in the Slavic department, is now spearheading an effort within the department to restructure the Russian Fairy Tales course. She said students enrolled in the large course would benefit from interacting more with each other through online note-sharing. She also wants to make lecture sizes smaller without decreasing enrollment. She and other members of the redesign team — Crane, Wright and Sabrina Robinson, a part-time instructor in the Slavic department who teaches recitations for Russian Fairy Tales — are competing to win one of the University Center for Teaching and Learning’s 2018 Course Incubator Grants to assist them. They made it past the preproposal round and are currently competing for the grant against three other departments — biology, chemistry and economics. After handing in final proposals in March 2018, two to three applicants will receive the grant in April 2018. “We’re the only proposal from the humanities,” Klimova said. “Our first proposal was more general — in this next one we will describe things more in-depth and hopefully get money from the University to support this initiative.” Klimova, who taught the course in 2013 during her final year as a Russian literature and culture doctoral student, said the course has a “special place in her heart” since she grew up with the fairy tales as a child. Though she admits many students come to the course to fulfill a gen ed requirement, the course may also be popular, she said, because of the “mystery” surrounding Russian culture, a former Cold War enemy. “A lot of students are able to demystify that part of the world with this course,” she said. But, Klimova thinks the course may also be popular for another very different reason — comfort and nostalgia. “They hear ‘Russian Fairy Tales’ and think it sounds fun,” she said. “Everybody is familiar with fairy tales from their childhood, no matter what culture they are from.”
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Best of: Best Local Band THE NAUGHTIES FOCUS ON THE FANS
Caroline Bourque and Prachi Patel The Pitt News Staff
The audience at a typical Naughties show can expect anything from bass player Jad Hilal’s usual joke segment to a patriotic onstage reading of the Constitution — backed by red, white and blue stage lights. Lead vocalist and guitar player Jesse Wehner, a Pitt senior and economics major, said these kind of stunts are what keep their fans coming back each time. “The band is a bunch of characters,” he said. “Anyone who knows us well will tell you that.” Voted best local band in The Pitt News’ “Best Of ” poll, The Naughties are comprised of a group of three Pitt students — Wehner, recent graduates Roger Toussaint and Hilal — and local musician Eric Stein. They have since risen to become a favorite in the Oakland and greater Pittsburgh area, partially as a result of their crowd-centric onstage antics. “I think we’ve catered a lot of what we do to Pitt students,” Toussaint said. “From playing in Oakland as much as we can to putting on a show the average Pitt student will enjoy.” The Naughties formed two years ago, when Wehner assembled some of his friends and signed them up for Pitt’s Battle of the Bands — a performance that would become their first time playing together. Wehner recruited Hilal, who had been his roommate from study abroad in London to play electric violin, and Toussaint, his freshman year suitemate, to play drums. They found Stein, their fourth member and bass player, on Craigslist. When they unexpectedly won Battle of the Bands, The Naughties earned a spot opening for Walk the Moon in their first official show together. The group of musicians decided to keep playing
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The Naughties perform at Oakland bars twice a month. Courtesy of Jesse Wehner together, and now play in bars twice a month. “Funny thing is, none of us really knew we were good at instruments until I was like, ‘hey, come over to my house’ one day,” Wehner said. The Naughties play up to twice a month in bars throughout Oakland,
the years,” she said. “They’re not trying to sell themselves to people, they’re just there to make sure everyone’s having fun.” Butrus recalled one particularly raucous show at Hidden Pub, which began with some light joke-telling and ended with an unforgettable crowd dive.
“
They’re not trying to sell themselves to people, they’re just there to make sure everyone’s having fun. Casey Butrus
South Side and the Strip district, sometimes bringing out crowds of close to 100 people who come to experience a different show each time — breaking up their setlist with jokes and skits. Casey Butrus, a sophomore pharmacy major, has been friends with Toussaint and Wehner since they were first practicing music in their freshman dorm room. “I like how they haven’t changed over
“They’re having just as much fun as the crowd is when they’re up there on the stage,” she said. The band plays nearly every genre — rock, bluegrass, metal, funk and even disco occasionally, Wehner said. Though they play mostly covers, Wehner said they never play a song exactly how the original sounds. “We put our own flair on songs peo-
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ple already know, which I think is a great way to keep people interested in your music,” Toussaint said. There isn’t a particular strategy to putting together The Naughties’ setlist, Wehner said, though compiling the band members’ ideas can take some time. “An idea will strike,” he said. “Usually Stein will call me, he says, ‘I just got out of the shower I have this great idea.’” Wehner said the group practices for a couple hours every couple of weeks — usually in his basement, though it was a bit different during their on-campus days. “We had one that took place in Bouquet Gardens,” he said. “The neighbors loved it.” Wehner said the band operates more like a live band, choosing to channel their energy into their live performances and audience interactions instead of extensively rehearsing and following a strict setlist for their shows. Stein has brought jam band influences into their shows, allowing the group to play longer songs without losing the audience’s attention. “People are nuts, honestly, the crowd is equally as entertaining as the band,” he said. “People come half for the music, half for the party, so you get a lot of wildness.” With Toussaint moving to Washington, D.C., at the end of the month to start a job, the band has chosen a new drummer, Ryan Schroeder, to fill the role. The Naughties’ first show with Schroeder will take place on Feb. 2, at Howlers in Bloomfield, where they plan to keep up the lively performances that have kept their popularity on the rise. “We try and give people more to look forward to than just coming for the music,” Wehner said. “Everything about the show is more about the crowd than the band.”
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TOP 10: REASONS AMAZON SHOULD COME TO PITTSBURGH Garrett Aguilar
SENIOR STAFF ILLUSTRATOR
out, the cloud coverage is. Although we’ve lost quite a bit of our artificially produced Opinions Editor air particulates since the ‘60s, we’re still Picking a “best of ” for any category is up there as far as air pollution obscura difficult job for us Pittsburghers — our ing the sky goes. Besides, we rank high City is just a cut above the rest in general. on scales of natural dreariness — second How can we be so sure? Amazon told us. only to Seattle and Buffalo, New York. The latest dispatch from Jeff Bezos’ Seattle seat of power yesterday narrowed 9. Best liquor laws the race for the honor of hosting his comAfter a hard day at work, Amazon’s pany’s secondary headquarters from a 50,000 Pittsburgh-based employees might crowded field of 200-some proposals to a understandably want to relax with a nice field of 20, and Pittsburgh made the cut. whiskey and Coke or ten shots of vodka. Whether we’ve caught our soon-to-be Fortunately for them, Pittsburgh has a corporate overlord’s eye because of the scattered system of liquor stores with best local band, best tattoo parlor or best weird hours that close early and only sell resident assistant is hard to say. All we certain brands for these future employees know is they like what they see so far, and to patronize. We’ve got to thank the Comthey want to see more. monwealth of Pennsylvania on this one. In the spirit of self-promotion, we’re expanding our “best of ” list to give Am8. Best housing costs azon ten reasons why Pittsburgh is the This one’s a challenge — with housing best of its remaining choices and the costs among the lowest of any major metcorporate paradise it’s been searching ropolitan area in the country, Amazon has for all along. Take a close look, Bezos. a mostly blank slate in Pittsburgh to start out with when gentrifying Pittsburgh. 10. Best weather If temperatures colder than Anchor7. Best universities age, Alaska, aren’t enough to lure Bezos Amazon is looking for a community to from his mild, maritime West Coast hidehost its new headquarters that has access
Henry Glitz
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to top-tier institutions of higher learning, so it’s only natural they should pick Pittsburgh and pass over State College and Morgantown.
enue last semester. And clearly it was an important addition to our collective lives that we all needed — what we really need is more.
6. Best city government We’re lucky here in Pittsburgh to have a government that can distinguish a lowpriority issue — like filling in potholes or clearing snow from the roads — from a top one — like keeping secrets about what benefits it’s planning to give to enormous multinational corporations.
3. Best millenial fusion food restaurants Trendy Amazon employees won’t have to miss out on the hottest new food trends just because they aren’t on one of the coasts. Pittsburgh’s pierogies with egg and avocado are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to oddly appealing hipster mash-ups in the City.
5. Best bridges In states like New York and Maryland, gephyrophobiacs — people with a fear of bridges — have to travel far outside major urban areas to cross big bridges and face their fears. Here in Pittsburgh, Amazon could take its gephyrophobic employees anywhere around town to cross one of Pittsburgh’s 446 bridges. They’ll be over their fear in no time.
2. Best 18+ club scene Any city of worth has a vibrant nightlife and dance scene, but how many places can you think of that specialize in the awkward combination of middle school dance and irresponsible alcohol use that is embodied in Pittsburgh’s famed 18+ club life?
1. Best college student media If you’re reading this, Bezos, you al4. Best Amazon drop-off center The company’s already dipped its toes ready know this one is true. into Oakland’s day-to-day life with the Henry is the Opinions Editor of The Pitt establishment of a brick-and-mortar delivery and drop-off site on Oakland Av- News. Write to him at hgg7@pitt.edu.
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Best of Oakland
Food run Noah Manalo
For The Pitt News When I woke up Thursday morning, I felt a little stressed. Weighed down by schoolwork I had yet to complete, and with a long band practice ahead of me that evening, I knew I needed some good food to carry me through the day. I realized the only logical option was to eat at The Pitt News readers’ favorite restaurants throughout the day. My dieting is going very well, and one cheat day won’t kill me. Best Breakfast - Pamela’s Diner First up on our list is Pamela’s Diner, winner of Best Breakfast. Pam’s is a prominent chain of diners in the Pittsburgh area. Currently owned by Gail Klingensmith and Pam Cohen, the diner chain has been a staple of the Pittsburgh dining experience since its opening in 1980. Pamela’s Diner, which now has six locations, is also a national pleaser — it was a campaign stop for Presi-
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dent Barack Obama’s 2008 presidential campaign, and The Wall Street Journal included it in a 2013 article of “What to Do in Pittsburgh.” I arrived a little earlier this morning than my normal morning commute, getting off the 61D bus at 8:55 a.m. I crossed the street, entered the restaurant and was immediately allowed to choose Pamela’s Diner is known for its specialty hotcakes. my table from the fairly large seating area. Noah Manalo | FOR THE PITT NEWS With a very old-time diner feel and style, regular — I’ve been here before like so many Pitt stuthe largely green-colored interior seating area is covered wall-to-wall with board games and old dents. Ten minutes later, my two plates of food were album covers as decorations. Examples include games before me. I ordered the Morning After Breakfast Special, which such as “Tension,” “The Magnificent Race” and “Conincludes hotcakes — which I added chocolate chips to centration.” — two eggs and your choice of bacon, ham or sausage. By 9:00 a.m., I had ordered my food, barely skimming the menu because I was planning on getting my See Food Run on page 15
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Best of: ITALIAN FOOD PIADA ASIAN FOOD SZECHUAN EXPRESS INDIAN FOOD PRINCE OF INDIA SANDWICH PRIMANTI’S PIZZA SORRENTO’S ICE CREAM DAVE & ANDY’S BAGELS BRUEGGER’S BAGELS BREAKFAST PAMELA’S pittnews.com
VOTER’S PICKS BURGERS STACK’D
KARAOKE GARAGE DOOR
MOVIE THEATER MANOR THEATER
CLOTHING SOTRE RUE 21
LATE NIGHT FUEL & FUDDLE
21ST BIRTHDAY PETER’S PUB
MUSIC VENUE STAGE AE
SHOES STORE LITTLE’S
GROCERY STORE GIANT EAGLE EDITOR’S PICK: TRADER JOE’S
ADULT ENTERTAINMENT BLUSH
PITTSBURGH SPORTS TEAM PENGUINS
TATOO/PIERCING HOT ROD
GAME DAY STACK’D
MUSEUM CARNEGIE ART & HISTORY MUSEUM
BAR HEMMINGWAY’S LGBT+ CLUB CRUZE
COLLEGE NIGHT HOFBRAUHAUS
HAPPY HOUR HEMMINGWAY’S
BEER DISTRIBUTOR MELLINGER’S
SPORTS BAR PETER’S PUB
BEER NATURAL LIGHT
BARTENDER SHANE PETERS
LOCAL BAND THE NAUGHTIES
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TV STATION WTAE (ANCHOR KELLY FREY)
SALON PUCCINI’S CONVENIENCE STORE RITE AID HOTEL WYNDHAM
VINTAGE SHOP AVALON
YOGA YOGA FLOW
AREA TO SHOP WATERFRONT EDITOR’S PICK: SOUTH SIDE
CLUB SPORTS POWERLIFTING
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SORORITY ALPHA DELTA PI
FRATERNITY DELTA CHI
RESIDENCE HALL NORDENBERG
STUDENT ORGANIZATION PI KAPP PHI
PLACE TO STUDY CATHEDRAL OF LEARNING EDITOR’S PICK: BARCO LAW LIBRARY
NCAA TEAM WOMEN’S VOLLEYBALL SGB MEMEBER MAX KNEIS ATHLETE QUADREE HENDERSON
NATIONALITY ROOM AUSTRIAN ROOM COURSE RUSSIAN FAIRY TALES
CAMPUS CELEBRITY DJ BORT
PITT PROGRAM COUNCIL EVENT BIGELOW BASH
PROFESSOR RAY JONES
SPRING BREAK FLORIDA
RA DANTE WATSON
RENTAL COMPANY ENTERPRISE
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Food Run, pg. 10 Their specialty hotcakes are sublime. Crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, they are easily able to soak up maple syrup. The sausage was crisp and tender, and my scrambled eggs functioned perfectly between bites of sweet pancake and juicy meat. For the price of about $10 plus tip — and they only accept cash or Panther Funds — you don’t need to bring too much for a substantial meal. Pamela’s Diner in Oakland is open from 7:30 a.m to 4:00 p.m. every day. Best Sandwich - Primantis Bros. When you think lunch, you usually think sandwich, so Primanti Brothers was my next stop. Founded in 1933 in the Strip District, this sandwich shop chain now has 16 locations on the East Coast. Joe Primanti — later joined by brothers Dick and Stanley and nephew John DiPriter — started the restaurant in the 1930s during the Great Depression. It became a tradition to head to Primanti’s after sporting events and once the bars closed, as it was one of the few restaurants open past 2 a.m. Now owned by Jim Patrinos, it is still thriving in states including Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, West Virginia, Maryland and Indiana. It was even given the “American Classic” moniker in 2007 by the James Beard Foundation. The chain is best known for its sandwiches, each containing vinegar-based coleslaw, thin-sliced tomatoes, french fries and Mancini’s Italian bread. My personal recommendations are the Pittsburgher with Cheese, Colossal Fish and Cheese, Kielbasa and Cheese and Deluxe Double Egg and Cheese. In Oakland, the mostly dark-brown interior seating area has lots of available space. The restaurant holds on its walls pictures, paintings and memorabilia from Pittsburgh. There is also a steady noise of rock music, replaced by sports announcers when the Steelers, Penguins or Pirates are playing. I had their Pittsburgher with Cheese this particular day, the No. 2 best seller, which took about 15 minutes to make. If you ever ask what their No. 1 Best Seller is, every server will say the same thing — beer.
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The thick Italian break is amazing and neatly holds the meat patty, coleslaw, tomatoes and fries. These filling sandwiches are not for everyone, as I found out when some friends from the Eastern side of the state had it. However, as a Pittsburgh area-native, these sandwiches are part of my childhood and have gotten me through thick and thin. The staff at the Oakland location is friendly, and they love their loyal customers. Most even know my normal order by heart. Primanti Bros. in Oakland opens at 10:00 a.m. each day. It closes at midnight from Sunday to Wednesday and 3:00 a.m. from Thursday to Saturday. Be sure to also check out Half-Priced Happy Hour Monday-Friday from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. and Friday and Saturday from 10 p.m. to 12 a.m. for some excellent deals. Best Dinner - Szechuan Express Last up, I visited Szechuan Express. Located on Oakland Avenue between Fifth and Forbes avenues, Szechuan serves great Chinese food on site, to go or for delivery. Being on a busy schedule is tough, and I always have the option on Thursday to eat at 3 p.m. or at 9 p.m. So, it is tough to pick a good restaurant. However, Szechuan took about five minutes to have my meal prepared, and it comes with a bag and container if you order the right meal. I selected the Shrimp Fried Rice. It was by far my least expensive meal of the day, costing about $7. The shrimp and rice, which contained peas and carrots, were mixed together fairly evenly, and it tasted delicious. It’s the perfect meal to eat in increments throughout the evening. The walls of the ordering area are covered with pictures of the food items, and the seating area has a sort of darkcolored, low-light feel that allows people to focus on intimate meals. Whether you are alone, on a date or just with friends, you can focus intently on your tablemates, or lack thereof. While seating can get a little tight, most people eat quickly, so it does not get too crowded. The staff are very friendly and waste no time serving up delicious, cheap meals. Szechuan Express is open from 10:30 a.m. to 9:00 p.m on weekdays, and 11:30 to 9 on weekends.
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Top 10: Diets for a better you in 2018 Sarah Shearer | Assistant Opinions Editor
Waist-deep in January, as we currently are, many students find themselves already sitting in the middle of a pile of empty chocolate chip bags and miserably shattered New Year’s resolutions. But kicking yourself over broken resolutions is the last thing you should be doing — we still have 49 weeks left in the year for life-changing, unbridled health success. I’ve compiled a short list of favorites, “proven” to work for students across the country — and I’d strongly encourage you to become a believer.
me you haven’t fantasized about cracking open a nice jar of peach puree in the morning when you’re rushing to class with no time to fry an egg. This is the stuff of dreams. WebMD outlines the nitty-gritty of this diet, which features 14 jars of baby food a day — that’s SO many meals! — and a real grown-up meal for dinner.
2. The Clip-Your-Nose-While-YouEat Diet. This diet is a perfect fit for those of you infatuated with that state of bliss you feel when you’re two weeks deep into 1. The Baby Food Diet. It’s “infinitely a head cold and haven’t fully tasted anything in at least a few days. Forget special ridiculous,” Cosmo says — or is it? Just picture it — all of your grocery protein bars or restricted eating schedshopping done in one aisle, packing ules — all you’ll need to follow this diet lunches in a pinch, guilt-free snacking is a clothespin. Eat meals as you normal— I could go on. Don’t even try to tell ly would, but by clamping your nose shut
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Jordan Mondell CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
you’ll successfully inhibit your ability to take pleasure in food. Forty out of 10 nose-clamp dieters reported decreased sugar addictions, and one even forgot what marinara sauce tastes like.
to throw out your whole-milk yogurts or chocolate cake to follow this diet — just get down on your knees and pray your way to better health. We’ve yet to confirm if this method helps physical health, but it will put you at peace with
3. The Praying Diet. You won’t need
See Shearer on page 19
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The Pitt News SuDoku 1/19/17 courtesy of dailysudoku.com
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Shearer, pg. 17
have. The sandwich or a whole bottle of wine?”
yourself so you can nonguiltily have another slice of that cake.
7. The Outdoors Diet. There’s a reason this diet doesn’t have the word “indoors” in it — because it’s banned. Cooking indoors is still fair game, but you’ll have to take your Crock-Pot chili out into the snow to eat it. Subscribers to the outdoors diet have reported increased connections to “nature” and a newfound fascination with seeing their own breath swirling around in the January air. Because of these added effects, the diet is only valid December through March. Ideal for self-proclaimed “explorers.”
4. The Breatharian Diet. The lines at the grocery store are too long anyway, so instead of trekking down to Giant Eagle at 10:30 p.m. to buy bread and apples and “necessary” food, take the simple route and just stop eating altogether. Don’t worry, you won’t go hungry — quite the contrary, actually. You’ll get to treat yourself to unlimited quantities of, wholesome, free air. As a subscriber to the breatharian diet, you won’t have to worry about your roommates cooking your frozen chicken breasts or stealing your Easy Mac in the night— you’ll be too busy living off of prana, the sanskrit word for “life air” or “life force.” 5. The Raw Foods Diet. It’s okay to be uncreative and also be on the raw foods diet, but that means you’ll probably be gnawing on carrots between classes — a great snack if you’re quite hungry, and would prefer to stay that way. But to really experience the raw foods diet, you’ll have to surpass the snacking status quo — we’re talking chicken sushi, egg-white shooters, or a tasty snack of unpopped popcorn. 6. The Egg Wine Diet. This one may sound self-explanatory, but allow me to explain. This handy diet allows you to “stuff yourself with water and coffee” all day, anchoring yourself in meals of hard-boiled eggs and glasses of wine. If you decide to take on the egg wine diet, a typical breakfast could be one hardboiled egg and a glass of white wine. For lunch, amp things up a bit with not only two hard-boiled eggs, but two glasses of white wine. Steak also happens to be compliant with the egg wine diet, but only at dinnertime. You’d also be expected to finish the remains of the day’s wine, before falling fast asleep. This diet has a strict two week duration, although I can think of no reasons to not make this diet a permanent life change. “Wine only have 600 calories per bottle,” the diet’s website says. “So compare that to a normal blt sandwich that has about the same. What would you rather
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8. The Food Forager’s Diet. An alternative title for this diet is the extreme outdoors diet. Follow the same principles as the diet above, but as a food forager you are not only banned from your kitchen but the grocery store as well. Make like a rugged, urban Snow White and start eating those berries you wonder about every time you run past them in Schenley Park. 9. The Cotton Ball Diet. All you need is a quick trip to Rite-Aid to start your own, localized version of “My Strange Addiction” in your kitchen. Many proponents of the cotton ball diet report soaking several cotton balls in orange juice to replace meals that taste good and provide nourishment, like Easy Mac or enchiladas. But truly excelling at this diet will require more from you. Get creative — soak the balls in anything from chicken broth to pickle juice. Or if you’re transitioning out of the egg wine diet, feel free to sop up the rest of your provisions for a cotton ball buzz. 10. The Tide Pod Diet. You’ve heard of creating a “word of the year,” and I would encourage you, in 2018, to make that word simple — Tide Pods. Tide Pods are not only a great way to wash clothes, they are a great wholesome snack. Kick your animal crackers to the curb and fill up the pantry with these low-calorie sacs of blue and orange gooey goodness. Get yourself out on the cusp of health greatness by making your insides clean and smelling like a spring meadow in there.
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I N D E X
Rentals & Sublet • NORTH OAKLAND • SOUTH OAKLAND • SHADYSIDE • SQUIRREL HILL • SOUTHSIDE • NORTHSIDE • BLOOMFIELD • ROOMMATES • OTHER
For Rent North Oakland 2BR apartment on N. Dithridge St., available Aug. 2018. A/C, dishwasher. $1050/ mo. + gas & electric. 412-818-2626
3 bedroom/1 bath. Fully renovated, new windows. $1295+utilities. Washer/dryer, granite countertops, off-street parking, dishwasher, backyard. Walking distance to campus. Available August 1st. Call 724-309-4193. 3 BR Apartment. Available August 1, 2018. $1320-$1620 +gas & electric. 412-441-1211. info@ forbesmanagement. net. www.forbesmanagement.net.
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Employment • CHILDCARE • FOOD SERVICES • UNIVERSITY • INTERNSHIPS • RESEARCH • VOLUNTEERING • OTHER
North Oakland 3BR apartment on N. Dithridge St., available Aug. 2018. A/C, dishwasher. $1575/ mo. + gas & electric. 412-818-2626 4BR house, 2 bath. Newly remodeled, wall-to-wall carpeting, equipped kitchen, on busline, 15 minute walk to campus. $250/ person+ gas/electric. Call 412-548-2214. 6BR house on N. Dithridge St. Available Aug. 2018. A/C, 2 kitchens, 2 dishwashers. $2970/ mo. + gas & electric. 412-818 -2626
South Oakland 1 & 2 Bedroom Apartments. $1015 + electric, $1599 + electric respectively. Available August 1, 2018. Louisa St. 412-441-1211. info@
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Two business days prior by 3pm | Email: advertising@pittnews.com | Phone: 412.648.7978
forbesmanagement. net. www.forbesmanagement.net.
University. For more info please call Mike at 412-849-8694
CR Kelly Realty. 412-683-7300. Visit: www.jcrkelly.com
Reality. 412-683-7300 Visit: www.jcrkelly. com
2-3 BR apartments. Central AC. Free laundry on-site. Call 412-38-LEASE.
Atwood Street. STUDIO & 1BR available. Both include utilities. Immediate availability. (412)-561-7964.
Oakland Apartments Available Immediately: Completely remodeled. Includes laundry, dishwasher, off- street parking, all utilities, cable and internet. 2BR $1400. 3BR $1800. Contact Jarred Brown 814-403-2798.
Ward & S. Bouquet Streets - Studio, 1, 2 & 3BR apartments. Free parking. Move in May 1 or Aug. 1, 2018. Call 412-361-2695
3 & 4 Bedroom Apartments on Semple, Bates, & Juliet. August availability. $1425-$2600. Call John CR Kelly Reality. 412-683-7300 Visit: www.jcrkelly. com 4 BR Home - Semple Street, located near Louisa. Equipped Kitchen, Full Basement. New central air added. Renting for August 2018. (412) 343-4289 or 412-330-9498. Apartments for rent. 2, 3, and 4 bedroom apartments available. Some available on Dawson street, Atwood street, and Mckee Place. Newly remodeled. Some have laundry on site. Minutes from the
Before signing a lease, be aware that no more than 3 unrelated people can share a single unit. Check property’s compliance with codes. Call City’s Permits, Licensing & Inspections. 412-255-2175. M.J. Kelly Realty. Studio, 1, 2, 3 and 4 Bedroom Apartments, Duplexes and Houses. N. & S. Oakland from $750-$2500. mjkellyrealty@gmail. com. 412-271-5550. www.mjkellyrealty. com Numerous 2 bedroom apartments located on Bates, Ward, and Dawson Streets. Starting from $865-$1,395. Available August 2018. Call John
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STUDENT HOUSING. Updated 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6 Bedroom Houses. 4-6 Bedroom Units w/ multiple baths. Dishwasher, laundry, some w/ air conditioning and/or parking. August availability. 412-445-6117. Studio & 1 Bedrooms Available Fall 2018. Heat included. 412-261-4620. Various 1-bedroom apartments on Meyran, Pier and Ward Streets. Starting from $765-$850. Available August 2018. Call John CR Kelly
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Shadyside 1 bedroom luxury apartment. 2 apartments available in a beautiful brick home with private entry, private laundry, off-street parking or garage, newly remodeled throughout. Kitchen w/ Dishwasher, Granite countertop & more! Located on Morewood Avenue, 15 minute walk to Pitt/ CMU, Walnut Street. 5 minutes to UPMC Shadyside, West Penn Hospital. One block to Buses, hospital/ Pitt/CMU shuttles and many restaurants. Available August 1st, 2018. No Pets. $1195+ g/e. Call Ja-
son at 412-922-2141. Pics/info: tinyurl.com/ morewood1br
Squirrel Hill 3 bedroom/1 bath townhouse on Murray Avenue across from Starbucks. $1295+utilities. Washer/dryer, granite countertops, off-street parking, dishwasher, backyard, and covered front porch. Available August 1st. Call 724-309-4193.
Employment Employment Other Comfort Keepers, a Post-Gazette Top Workplace, is seeking caring individuals. Caregivers work alongside seniors to provide companionship, light housekeeping, personal care services. Flexible hours available. If interested call 412-363-5500
Employment Other Delivery Driver job in North Oakland. Mon-Sat 8-5 pm. $12/ hr. 313 North Craig St. Contact (412) 621-7215 for more information. Contact within. Join KEYS Service Corps, AmeriCorps. Mentor, tutor, and inspire Pittsburgh area youth. Summer and fall positions with bi-weekly stipend and education award. Full and part-time. Possible internship credit. Call 412-350-2739. www.keysservicecorps.org Office and retail job in North Oakland Mon-Sat 8-5 pm. $12/ hr. 313 North Craig St. Contact (412) 621-7215 for more information. Inquire within.
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Employment Other OFFICE INTERN Shadyside Management Company seeks person w/min 2 yrs. college, for upcoming spring semester to interview & process rental applicants, do internet postings & help staff our action-central office. Part-time or full time. AVAILABLE NOW; full time over summer. $13/hour. Perfect job for current sophomores & juniors, graduating seniors set to enter grad school, returning grad students, and first-year law students! Mozart Management 412-682-7003 thane@ mozartrents.com Top Student Sales Person Wanted Why work minimum wage in a restaurant? Sell Advok8 student coaching service to your peers. Can make up to $1,200 per month, and you can become a Advok8 Student:Client as a benefit. Better GPA, Less Anxiety, Higher Scholastic Success with Advok8 ‌ AND get paid!!
For Sale Merchandise AWESOME GIFTS for that special someone, perfect for Valentine’s and special days. Visit our website at www. FantasiaGreetings. com
Services Parking GARAGE PARKING available in the heart of Oakland. Protect your car while parked. Only $80/month! Call 412-692-1770.
Notices Adoption ADOPTION: Loving, stable family hopes for one more blessing to join us in our adventures! Please call Heather/Chris 1 (800) 444-3089
Prefer Juniors and Sophomores. Must have great people and social skills. 100% Commission. Training provided. Call 724-544-1490 for interview, or email steveaday@gmail. com. Provide letter of interest after looking at www.advok8.life.
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