Sex Edition 2020

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sex edition

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LET’S TALK ABOUT (HEALTHY) SEX: RESOURCES ON CAMPUS

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OPINIONS Satire | Sleeping around — what different majors are like in bed

Rebecca Johnson

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Paige Lawler, Senior Staff Columnist My top 10 Tinder messages: cringey, creative and comical Sarah Connor, Contributing Editor

CULTURE

The Vagina Monoblogs: 9 stories from down under The Pitt News Staff Pitt Prescription: Staying safe while getting steamy Elizabeth Donnelly, Senior Staff Writer

The Pitt News Sex Playlist The Pitt News Staff

Senior Staff Writer Compared to their peers, Pitt students are more likely to be hitting the books than hitting the sheets.

In a study conducted by College Stats, students at Temple University were ranked as the top sexually active student body among U.S. college campuses with an average of 10.8 partners.

In an especially Happy Valley, Penn State University cracked the top 20 with an average of 4.25 partners.

While Pitt didn’t make this particular list, Pitt students still contributed to the 38% of student respondents across the country who reported always using a condom, with 15% reporting that they never use a condom.

That shouldn’t be a problem for students, though, as they have access to

free condoms, along with other sexual and reproductive health resources at the Student Health Service, located in Nordenberg Hall and averaging more than 36,000 visits per year relating to sexual health. There are also numerous resources and clubs students can take advantage of both on Pitt’s campus and in the Pittsburgh area.

Students Engaging in Conversations about Consent and Sexuality hopes to make students more aware of these and more resources on campus.

Valerie Perna, a senior nursing major and president of SECCS, prides the club on providing safe, open and impactful conversations surrounding sex and sexual health resources on campus. The club meets weekly to discuss various current sexual topics and enSee Resources on page 3

Students...

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Resources, pg. 2 gage in sex-positive activities. One of their activities — “dirty confessions” — is designed to do just that.

Participants write the dirtiest thing someone has ever said or done to them and throw it into the circle where it is then read anonymously. Perna said this game has deeper implications concerning consensual sex.

“This shows that dirty talk can be consensual and doesn’t have to be robotic,” Perna said. “We talk with each other and learn from each other and our different experiences. We just want everyone to be safe and healthy whether it be sexually or otherwise.”

While SECCS offers a more informal approach to talking about sexual health, the SHS offers a wide variety of “full-service women’s, men’s and LGBTQ+ health care,” according to Marian Vanek, executive director of SHS. These resources include access to contraceptives — including oral contraception, IUDs, Nexplanon and emergency contraceptives in the University Pharmacy — as well as comprehensive STD testing, HIV testing and pregnancy testing, Vanek said via email. Condoms are also available for free in the waiting room of the Student Health Center as well as the third floor restrooms in the WPU. Clinicians also provide preventative services like Pap smear testing, HPV vaccines, male exams for erectile dysfunction and Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. PrEP is a daily pill to prevent HIV that’s usually taken by those at high risk for contracting the disease. It reduces the chance of getting HIV from sex by 99%.

Vanek said utilizing these resources is important in maintaining sexual health and succeeding at Pitt overall.

“I do believe sexual health is a significant component of one’s overall health,” Vanek said. “Maintaining one’s good health contributes to an overall successful experience here at Pitt.

Also, establishing good practices now will carry on well after graduation.”

Students can schedule an appointment by calling the SHS at 412-3831800 or scheduling online via a secure

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portal. Vanek said during an appointment, clinicians ask students to complete a general health questionnaire that includes a medical history, discussion of symptoms or problems and a sexual history. Additional questions will then be asked that are specific to the appointment, whether it be for contraception or STD testing.

Vanek added that, “the entire process, visit, tests, etc., is private and confidential.”

Off-campus resources, like Planned Parenthood located in Downtown

Pittsburgh, offer affordable resources for students as well. Sarah Dixon, Planned Parenthood of Western Pennsylvania’s public relations manager, said Planned Parenthood offers a wide range of sexual and reproductive health resources at a sliding-scale rate, which means its pricing is adjusted based on an individual’s income, and it also accepts private health insurance. Planned Parenthood’s services include gynecological care, birth control, pregnancy testing, annual pelvic and breast exams, screening and treat-

February 13, 2020

ment for STDs and STIs, emergency contraceptives, medical and surgical abortions and professional counseling.

Dixon said Planned Parenthood aims to be affordable and accessible for everyone, including the large amount of college students it caters to.

“The care here is accessible. Don’t put it off because you think financially it’s out of your reach,” Dixon said.

“At a time when a person might be exploring their sexuality, it’s important See Resources on page 10

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THE AM-BI-GUITY IN BEING BISEXUAL Madison Brewer Staff Writer

While most people have heard of the term “bisexual,” they won’t all give the same definition. Amanda Parent, a junior biology and French double major who identifies as bisexual, said she is attracted to people regardless of gender — that is, men, women and everyone who doesn’t fall into the gender binary.

“The bi prefix, it has the history of gender binarism, but I completely neglect that,” Parent said. “I like my own gender and others, that’s the ‘bi.’”

While Parent defines it this way, the American Psychological Association defined bisexuality as being sexually attracted to both men and women. According to a 2016 survey from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2% of men and 5.5% of women in the United States identify as bisexual.

Dan Hayes, a sophomore accounting and economics major who identifies as bisexual, uses this definition. Because the definition of bisexual is so malleable, Hayes said there is a lot of room for confusion. “[Bisexuality] is such a hard concept to truly understand,” Hayes said. “We don’t even have a clear definition of what bisexuality is across the LGBT community.”

It can also be difficult to pinpoint bisexual representation in media. Bisexual Pitt students and professors who teach about sexuality explained how this lack of representation feeds into misunderstandings about what bisexuality is and how comfortable bisexual people feel about their sexuality.

Ken Salzer, a lecturer in the English department, has been teaching Sexuality and Representation, a class where stu-

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According to Frank Karioris, a visiting lecturer in the department of gender, sexuality, and women’s studies, bisexual characters aren’t widely written because bisexuality isn’t as understood as other sexualities. Sarah Cutshall | visual editor

dents explore representation of LGBTQ+ people in media, for eight years. According to Salzer, this semester’s unit on bisexuality had students consume media from a sociological essay on bisexuality to a first-person essay called “Yes, I Really Am Bisexual. Deal With It.” Salzer said he teaches a variety of texts like these in order to give students a full picture of the representation of the sexuality being covered.

“We’re interested in looking at how sexuality or sexualities get represented in various media,” Salzer said. “Different sexualities get represented differently at different times.”

According to Frank Karioris, a visiting lecturer in the department of gender, sexuality, and women’s studies, bisexual characters aren’t widely written because bisexuality isn’t as understood as other sexualities.

“We like characters that are knowable,

and we believe at this moment knowable means either gay or straight,” Karioris said.

According to Karioris, a lot of people are deeply uncomfortable with the idea of bisexuality. He said this is due to the way a bisexual person is “nonchoosing” between men and women. When someone is gay or straight, we know what gender they will end up being with — the only question is who. But when someone is bisexual, there isn’t a partner with a prescribed gender. This mystery, he said, leads to distrust, which has a very real impact on bisexual people’s lives.

“It’s not that they become invisible, it’s that we really seek to minimize their biness,” he said.

Karioris mentioned the film “Bohemian Rhapsody” — the 2018 biopic about Freddie Mercury, the lead singer of the British classic rock band Queen — when speaking about media that limits a char-

February 13, 2020

acter’s sexuality to either heterosexual or homosexual. Karioris said he believes the film glosses over Freddie Mercury’s complicated sexuality to focus on his homosexual relationships as opposed to his heterosexual relationships.

“It slides right past the reality, which is that Freddie Mercury’s sexuality is far less simple than just ‘he was into dudes,’” Karioris said.

This and other films, he said, are lies by omission as result of biphobia, the distrust or dislike of bisexual people. According to Karioris, biphobia exists because people seem to be uncomfortable with the idea of bisexuality.

“Biphobia is legitimately more just about silence rather than the violence of homophobia,” said Karioris.

Karioris said biphobia has persisted for generations. In the ’80s, bisexual men were seen as the ones who infected straight people with HIV, according to Karioris. Today, there are claims that bisexual people are “confused” or “greedy” or even “transphobic,” Karioris said. He feels bisexuality is not understood by the general population.

Jae Abbondanza, a senior neuroscience and political science major who identifies as pansexual, said the lack of representation made it difficult to understand her own sexuality. Abbondanza defines pansexuality as being attracted to all gender identities, while bisexuality is being attracted to two or more gender identities.

“If I had that kind of contact, even if it was through watching a character on a screen … I probably would have realized [my sexuality] a lot quicker than I did,” Abbondanza said.

Some bisexual people feel they have to See Bisexuality on page 5

4

Bisexuality, pg. 4 “prove” their bi-ness. According to Salzer, there is a constant expectation placed onto bisexual individuals.

“The difficulty of identifying as bisexual is that the straights don’t believe you, the gays don’t believe you,” Salzer said.

“How do you prove it? You have to have a man and woman on either side of you at all times.”

According to Parent, part of the reason bisexuality is not widely understood is due to the limited representation and that people often expect her to “act bisexual.”

“The media has a really big effect on not only how I act and how other bisexual people act, but how people act toward me,” Parent said. “By seeing in the media this hypersexualized person that can’t make decisions, they make jokes about how I can’t make decisions … they ask me about threesomes … they expect certain things of [me] that sometimes I can’t give them.”

A Pitt student who identifies as bisexual, but wished to remain anonymous because they are not out, said they often

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find people expecting them to be looking for sex, especially threesomes. They found people will sexualize their bisexuality.

“My orientation lends itself to their fantasy,” the student said. “That’s not what I exist for, that’s not what anyone exists for.”

Parent said these expectations came from both straight people and the LGBTQ+ community.

“It seems clear that [bisexual] is not a category that makes anybody very much happy,” Karioris said. “What is the impact

of the distrust of bi people? … A lot of bi people end up having to pass as straight … or gay.”

Parent said she feels like she must pass as either straight or gay every day.

“To me, passing … as straight or passing as gay … is something I consciously think about when I get dressed in the morning,” Parent said. “Passing for me is largely because … I don’t want people to view me a certain way without talking to me.”

According to Salzer, things are on their way to improving. He said he be-

February 13, 2020

lieves bisexuality is becoming visible in the public eye and he thinks more representation will be seen as more bisexual people share their stories.

“The more people who self-identify as bisexual and contribute their representations either in fiction or nonfiction form to the larger pop-culture audience, I think we can benefit so it’s not just that one view of what bisexuality is,” Salzer said. “The more options we put out there the better.”

Mary Rose O’Donnell contributed reporting.

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review:

FOR RELEASE FEBRUARY 13, 2020

‘SEX EDUCATION’ SEASON 2 BRINGS REALNESS TO TEEN RELATIONSHIPS

Los Angeles Times Daily Crossword Puzzle

The Pitt news crossword

02/13/20

Edited by Rich Norris and Joyce Lewis

ACROSS 1 Suffix for Wikipedia 4 Humiliate 9 Network with a “Cameras in the Court” page 14 Excessively 15 Where many watch the Beeb 16 Get to laugh 17 Crow 19 Plug-in Chevys 20 Series-ending abbr.

21 Lightning __ 22 “Settle down!”

23 Delete for security reasons, say 25 Alphabetize, e.g.

26 Crow 32 Lapped (up) 35 Take to a higher court 36 Amana Colonies state 37 Copier pioneer 39 Taylor of fashion 40 Likely 2020 Baseball Hall of Fame inductee 41 Composer Satie 42 Taco sauce brand 44 IRS identifier 45 Crow 48 In years past 49 Range that contains much of the Mark Twain National Forest 53 Temple with an upcurved roof 56 Blue-__: pain relief brand 58 “Allow me” 59 Meter measure 60 Crow 62 Electric car named for a physicist 63 Kirin competitor 64 Zero, in soccer 65 Get to the point?

66 Exorcist’s target 67 “Get how it’s done?”

Siddhi Shockey Senior Staff Writer

4 Delta hub code 5 Draft source 6 Pet food brand 7 Avoided a tag, perhaps 8 “Queer __”: revived style show 9 Frolic 10 Blended beverage 11 Yank 12 Bubbly city 13 Stick-y place to sleep?

18 Spill the beans 22 Slinky shape 24 Persuade with flattery 25 Title river in a Gershwin/Caesar song 27 Like Wyoming’s population 28 Start of the back nine 29 Quickly writes 30 Is in the red 31 It may get crewel treatment DOWN 1 “Some __ time” 32 x, y and z, in math 2 Waze recommendation 33 Polo of “The 3 Lose one’s grip Fosters”

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By Kevin Christian and Howard Barkin

Wednesday’s Puzzle Solved

©2020 Tribune Content Agency, LLC

34 Shillelagh’s land 38 Words that activate an assistant 40 “Empire State of Mind” rapper 42 White-bellied swimmer 43 First name in comedy 46 Make lovable 47 Souvlaki meat 50 Comes down

2/13/20

51 2012 NBA Rookie of the Year __ Irving 52 Crab-walk 53 Miniature golf stroke 54 Riding the waves 55 [Oh no!]

56 Besides that 57 Word said with a tip of the hat 60 Evil 61 It’s all relatives

A rhythmic thumping ensues as the camera pans over Adam Groff ’s (Connor Swindells) living room. His mother quietly lets the dog out of the house as the view moves to the window where Adam’s girlfriend, Aimee Gibbs (Aimee Lou Wood), is riding him in bed, much to his boredom.

“Sex Education,” a Netflix series, is — at its most basic level — a comingof-age story about the challenges of exploring sex and sexuality. With its raunchy and sometimes cringeworthy opening scenes of failed attempts at sex and nuanced relationships, “Sex Education” offers a hilarious and sometimes deeply moving view of adolescence.

In the first season we are introduced to Otis Milburn (Asa Butterfield), the son of a sex therapist — Jean Milburn (Gillian Anderson) — and the show’s protagonist, who suffers from a chronic inability to masturbate. Despite the fact that he can’t please himself, Otis ironically finds his talents in acting as a sex therapist for the students at his school.

Although the series utilizes typical coming-of-age tropes in its plot, it does more than graze the surface of what it’s like to be a horny and awkward teenager. The second season attempts to crack farther beneath the surface and, unlike most sequels, does it well.

Otis’ classmate, Maeve Wiley (Emma Mackey) — a mysterious bad-girl fantasy — quickly grasps at this lucrative opportunity and convinces him to turn his advice into a full-fledged business in order to support herself. Sitting in his office — an abandoned bathroom stall overgrown with ivy — Otis begins to discover just how complex the world of sexuality can be.

By the beginning of season two, Otis has a girlfriend, Ola Nyman (Patricia

February 13, 2020

Allison), and has gotten over his aversion to masturbation. In fact, he can’t seem to stop masturbating. Meanwhile, his mom, Jean, has been hired to work as a sex consultant at his school, causing Otis and Maeve’s business to dwindle.

Although Otis’s escapades and love story are obviously central to the storyline, season two of “Sex Education” does more than simply move along the plot. Instead, it attempts to reach beyond a coming-of-age tale, and instead attempts to achieve its literal goal — to teach its viewers about sex.

Season two boasts a couple of subplots that, while still intertwined with Otis’ narrative arc, seem to hold the weight and true value of the show. Most notably, this season featured the coming out stories of characters who identified as gay, bisexual, pansexual and asexual.

Some of these stories included teenagers coming from family members who were not accepting of their sexuality. In particular, Adam — whose father, Mr. Groff (Alistair Petrie), is homophobic — has to grapple with not only his father’s homophobia and his own, but with his continued attraction to Otis’ best friend, Eric (Ncuti Gatwa).

Another student struggles with feeling ostracized because she doesn’t experience sexual attraction the way others around her do. And after a nasty breakup with Otis, Ola discovers her unrequited attraction to another girl. Both characters come to grips with their sexualities after having an experience they are made to think is atypical.

But the most beautiful thing about all of these plotlines isn’t just that they introduce a wide variety of human experiences, but they do so effortlessly.

Each character is written to embody a different aspect of sex and sexuality, but it doesn’t feel like each minority characSee Sex Ed on page 7

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Sex Ed, pg. 6 ter is there to be a token.

In another subplot, the show also attempted to tackle the issue of sexual assault, but from an unconventional angle. During a bus ride, Aimee, Maeve’s good friend, is assaulted when a man standing behind her masturbates and ejaculates on her jeans. She arrives at school complaining he “ruined [her] favorite pair of jeans!” not thinking that what he did was sexual assault.

Maeve is able to make Aimee real-

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ize the gravity of the situation, and the two file a police report. But Aimee quickly finds the psychological effects of the assault overtaking her time with friends, family and her boyfriend. She begins walking — sometimes for hours — just to avoid taking the bus around town.

Fortunately, she is able to find a supportive community among the girls at school when they all realize that in one way or another, they were all victimized by men. As the show progresses, the girls band together to try and help

Aimee through her trauma.

Although Aimee’s story doesn’t follow the narrative of the average sexual assault survivor — or typical TV portrayals of assault — the show is able to portray the horrors of being a victim.

But at the same time, it also sheds light on the power of what it means to be by someone’s side in a time of need.

In the light of the Me Too movement, such a plotline was expected to make an appearance — in fact, it was arguably a necessity. But it made audiences aware of how even seemingly

February 13, 2020

small, gross sexual encounters are assaults if the act is in any way nonconsensual.

The nuance of each subplot drives the show forward and educates its audience on what it means to be assaulted, the importance of mental health, various sexualities and the importance behind community support. Whether it’s buying a morning after pill, procuring an abortion or uncovering an intimate part of your identity, “Sex Education” captures it all in a comedic, sometimes explicit and powerful way.

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READERS OF EROTIC FAN FICTION GET LOST IN A WORLD OF THEIR OWN Delilah Bourque Culture Editor

Did you ever wish that Harry ended up with Herminone instead of Ron? Or what if you wished that Harry could abandon his fellow wizards and travel to a galaxy far, far away to sweep Princess Leia off her feet?

College students across the country are making these dreams a reality by taking the reigns of their favorite media and writing their own works, called fan fiction. Often, these fans become involved in their fan spheres as early as when they’re in middle school and are quickly exposed to explicit work.

Kristen Myllek, a first-year English major at Fordham University in New York City, said her experience as a member of online forums for One Direction band member Harry Styles fan fictions in sixth grade exposed her to thinking about sex for pleasure, not just reproduction. While she said she was far too young to be reading, she said it intro-

duced her to less “clinical” ideas of sex.

“I wasn’t really supposed to be watching that stuff, like movies where they have sex scenes or anything so reading it kind of opened me up to understand that [sex] was more of a natural thing and not ‘okay, I want to have a child, let’s go and have sex,’” she said.

Though fan fiction is published on hundreds of websites across the internet, one of the most popular is Archive of Our Own, which boasts more than 5,659,000 works from more than 2,303,000 writers, and operates as a nonprofit organization to maintain servers and provide legal services.

The site also allows users to tag their stories into categories, allowing them to sort and filter work they want to read. A senior English writing major at Pitt who wished to remain anonymous said she found this system to be particularly effective when it came to sorting through what kinds of erotica she did — and didn’t — want to read.

“I don’t really like hard-core BDSM stuff,” she said. “Honestly, a lot of things I’m willing to give it a try so long as the tags don’t say anything super violent.”

Like Myllek, though the anonymous student still engages with explicit fan material as an adult, she felt like she began to read mature fan fiction too young.

She first began reading fan fiction in the fifth grade and also began reading erotic work around the same time.

“I stumbled over to the dark side of the internet pretty early,” she said.

Just like the anonymous student, Myllek still reads fan fiction about Styles and has watched it come to life as an officially published book. Anna Todd’s trilogy, “After,” which was originally Harry Styles fan fiction, was one of the stories Myllek remembers sharing with friends in middle school, though she said she wasn’t impressed by the recent film adaptation.

“I didn’t really like it,” she said. “I haven’t read her new version of the book,

I just remember what I read from the fan fiction so it was very different and not how I imagined it at all so I was kind of disappointed.

Though fan fiction has made it to full-length published books and the big screen, there are some concerns over copyright when fans take their favorite characters and make them their own.

Opinions from content creators vary.

Neil Gaiman — one of the authors of “Good Omens,” one of anonymous’ favorite series to read fan fiction for — said on his public Tumblr page that he believed coming forward about the “truth” of his story wouldn’t stop fans from getting into heated arguments about their favorite pairings.

Though fandom is subject to not-sooccasional infighting, anonymous said she’s made friends and found community through her engagement with fan fiction. Though these interactions were not based in erotica, they often included See Fanfic on page 9

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Fanfic, pg. 8 bonding over favorite stories.

“I have found friends through fandom, not specifically through smut, but I have found a bunch of online friends through various fandoms and then that proceeded to be talking about smut a lot,” she said.

Myllek felt the same, though she said that many of the connections she formed over fan fiction were with reallife friends, whom she was able to bond with over sharing their favorite works.

“We would have so many conversations about what we would read, we would share fan fictions. And it really just was a bond between friends,” she said. “I don’t do it that much anymore because I read it on my own, but in middle school it was a nice little thing that connected us.”

For anonymous, describing her hobby to others often elicits confusion from others, especially when she explains that she writes erotica featuring other people’s characters frequently.

“It is really hard to explain to people who don’t understand it,” she said.

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Eli Savage | contributing editor

February 13, 2020

9

Resources, pg. 3 to do that safely. It is still possible to get STIs and get pregnant.”

Dixon said anyone can confidentially book appointments with Planned Parenthood online or through its call center.

Some students want Pitt to look beyond traditional sexual health resources though. Aliana Rao, a sophomore neuroscience major and vice president of TreasurHER — a

club dedicated to improving access to menstrual products — said she agrees that sexual health resources need to be more accessible on campus, but she also wants free pads and tampons. TreasurHER assisted Kathleen Koesarie, Lauren Risser and Samantha Totoni — students in Pitt’s Graduate School of Public Health — last year in advocating for putting free menstrual products in restrooms across campus.

“It’s funny because you can get condoms literally everywhere, but they

won’t give out free pads and tampons and I don’t understand the correlation,” Rao said. “I’m not saying one is better than the other, but you physically cannot control your period. You shouldn’t have to pay for those products, and if you do they shouldn’t be taxed and they should be widely available.”

Pitt recently installed new dispensers giving out tampons for free in bathrooms around campus, including on the lower level and first floor of the William Pitt Union and on the

ground, second and third floors of the Cathedral of Learning.

Rao compared the stigma of periods to the stigma of sex many women experience growing up, which she said was evidenced in her Pakistani family.

She said this makes it especially difficult for women from disadvantaged backgrounds to freely discuss periods.

“In Pakistani culture, you don’t talk about it. The stigma around it makes it seem like a bad thing,” Rao said. “It’s important to understand that while some of us have the privilege of getting those products without having to think about it, some people don’t have that same luxury or privilege.”

Vanek said despite external influences, it is important to seek resources and education, especially during college.

“We encourage students to practice safe sex and understand methods of protection and birth control,” Vanek said. “Students should take charge of their health — learn as much as one can about one’s personal health, prevention methods, insurance and other important aspects of health literacy.”

Downhill (R) No passes through 3/1/20 Fri: 1:25, 3:20, 5:15, 7:10, 9:10 Sat & Sun: 11:30 AM, 1:25, 3:20, 5:15, 7:10, 9:10 Mon & Tue: 1:25, 3:20, 5:15, 7:10, 9:10 Wed: 1:25, 3:20, 5:15, 7:10, 9:10 Thu: 1:25, 3:20, 5:15, 7:10, 9:10 Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (R)

No passes through 2/23/20 Fri: 2:55, 5:10, 7:30, 9:40 Sat & Sun: 12:40, 2:55, 5:10, 7:30, 9:40 Mon & Tue: 2:55, 5:10, 7:30, 9:40 Wed: 2:55, 5:10, 7:30, 9:40 Thu : 2:55, 5:10, 7:30, 9:40 1917 (R) Fri - Tue: 2:40, 7:20 Wed: 2:40, 7:20 Thu: 2:40, 7:20 Little Women (PG) Fri - Thu: 1:45, 4:20 Knives Out (PG-13) Fri: 9:45 PM Sat & Sun: 12:05, 9:45 Mon & Tue: 9:45 PM Wed: 9:45 PM Thu: 9:45 PM Jojo Rabbit (PG-13) Fri - Thu: 5:05 PM Parasite (R) Fri: 7:00, 9:35 Sat & Sun: 11:15 AM, 7:00, 9:35 Mon & Tue: 7:00, 9:35 Wed: 7:00, 9:35 Thu: 7:00, 9:35

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column:

THE FIRST TIME SUCKS

Nina Santucci Staff Columnist

There is undeniably a societal expectation that the first time you have sex, it will be mind-blowing, life changing.

But if you asked anyone what their first time was like, you’ll likely receive answers along the lines of “terrible,” “disappointing” and “quick.” The general consensus is that the first time having sex pretty much sucks.

Shruti Talekar | staff illustrator

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Our society has created and maintained a societal stigma that losing your virginity is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that should be valued and exalted. While it certainly is a oncein-a-lifetime experience, it is unreasonable to place so much pressure on a single sexual occurrence. This pressure makes people fear or regret what is a natural, normal and usually clumSee Santucci on page 12

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Santucci, pg. 11 sy experience.

The stigma surrounding sex makes the first time all the more intimidating. It determines that sex is acceptable only in certain circumstances, therefore permitting judgment, guilt, regret or demanding justification — as if sex needs justification. It places value on virginity, causing people to have unreasonably high expectations.

The first time creates distinct separations in physical and mental aptitude. Essentially, it changes you.

Historically, religion has correlated virginity with purity, honor and worth, so sometimes religious values can perpetrate the idea that losing your virginity is a life-changing event, when in reality it’s not that big of a deal. However, it’s nonsense to let something destined to suck change you.

The issue isn’t with abstinence or religion, or saving yourself for marriage or waiting for that special person to share that special moment with. The issue is with the sex itself,

with placing this single event of sex on a pedestal then getting completely let down when it’s not at all what was expected. Someone can do everything right, and still feel like they got it wrong. And that is the issue.

Sex is not a big deal, so let’s stop pretending the first time is too. It’s as natural for most as eating, pooping and breathing — it’s needed and beneficial. Not only does it feel amazing, sex also boosts the immune system, lowers risk of heart disease and cancer, improves sleep and overall physical and mental health. It’s astonishing how there can be a stigma against something that’s ultimately good for us.

“Choosing to have sex for the first time is a big decision that’s very personal. People think about lots of different things: religious, spiritual and moral beliefs; family and personal values; desire; love; and/or relationships,” Planned Parenthood writes on the virginity section of its website.

“Whatever your reason is, it’s important to wait until you’re sure you’re ready to have sex.”

Although it’s undeniably accurate and truthful, there’s a deeper reality to virginity that isn’t all that deep.

There’s many, many ways to have bad sex. Sometimes someone’s too horny, or someone’s not horny enough.

Sometimes there’s weird noises, weird substances or weird feelings happening. Maybe you’ll get called the wrong name, or maybe you’ll get called “daddy.” It’s arguable which is worse, but the point is good sex is hard. Even someone who’s had sex tons of times has bad sex, so it’s unreasonable to anticipate giving — or getting — an award-winning performance during the first time — especially if both people involved are inexperienced.

Losing virginity doesn’t have to bear all the pressure it does. Such a close interaction is nerve-racking, but being as safe, comfortable and calm as possible makes the whole experience much more enjoyable and much less agonizing. Don’t just lay back and let whoever do whatever, but be comfortable with yourself, your partner and your disposition — make sure it’s with someone who’s comfortable and able

Career-focused.

THAT’S THE POINT.

Thrift from the comfort of your home!

to communicate. Don’t put yourself in the position to one day regret your first time, because it is truly not that serious.

Make the moment what to remember, not the sex itself. Don’t get hung up on how well it goes, how long it lasts or how sexy it can be. Don’t overvalue this one time because it’s not a reflection of all the times before nor is it a predictor of all the times to come — value the learning experience. Sex is extremely normal, despite the stigma, despite religion, despite rumors and regrets, but it can be intimidating even when it’s not your first time, so don’t worry if it doesn’t go as planned.

The first time is not meant to blow your mind, unlock all of life’s secrets and transcend your body, making you an all-encompassing sexual savant.

The first time is quite literally just the first time — that’s it. It might not be mind-blowing at first, it may suck, but you still have to start somewhere.

Email Nina at nns16@pitt.edu or follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @ninaboebeana

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February 13, 2020

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February 13, 2020

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column:

SORRY, YOUR PENIS ISN’T GOD

Genna Edwards Staff Columnist

You. Yes, you. With your Air Jordans and your sweatpants, that little lock of hair that hangs just so above your eyes — you’re not good enough at sex. I know, you make your girlfriend orgasm every time, right? You’re a wizard with a golden dick and magic balls.

Your last Tinder date said so, and she was an e-girl, so.

Nope. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but you likely suck at sex and/or your girlfriend’s lying to you to be nice and because, well, that’s what we’re taught to do — put a man’s pleasure before our own.

Let me level with you. Statistically, if you are a biological male in a cisgender heterosexual relationship, you’re coming 95% of the time during sex — compared to your girlfriend’s 65% — and you think she’s coming 85% of the time. For lesbian couples, orgasms are more common for both partners — lesbian women orgasm 75% of the time. A woman masturbating alone orgasms more than with

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a partner.

This is called the orgasm gap, a phenomenon wherein women in heterosexual relationships orgasm the least out of everyone, less than their partners and less than those in LGBTQ+ relationships. While sexual intercourse isn’t solely about reaching completion, heck, completion is always nice. What about heterosexual sex declines a woman’s ability to reach her peak? Hate to break it to you but you play a part in this, Chad.

Women are taught growing up to put a man’s pleasure above their own, so much so that faking orgasms is common. Lili Loofbourow of The Week magazine explains it best.

“Faking an orgasm achieves all kinds of things: It can encourage the man to finish, which means the pain (if you’re having it) can finally stop,” Loofbourow wrote. “It makes him feel good and spares his feelings. If being a good lover means making the other person feel good, then you’ve excelled on that front too.”

Society has told us that having a relation-

ship with a man is the focal point of our lives, where our worth as human beings comes from — and much of this worth comes from sex.

This is a lot to dismantle, and there’s a lot of pressure on us to become better at vocalizing our desires while also being aware of the systematic erasure of them. We don’t want to lie to you about our pleasure, but please understand that it can be hard for us to feel we have agency over our own bodies due to constant objectification.

The lack of proper sexual education and our ability to talk about sex in general, among other things, has led us to this dire point. Female pleasure isn’t discussed in the slightest in high school classrooms, and talks of consent and safe sex are far and few between, even worse for those on the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

dynamics in the porn industry — but I’m just here today to work with you. If you make one lady cum as a result of this, you are making the world a better, happier, more inclusive space for women. And we’re gonna love you for it.

Here are some tried-and-true tips from a vulva-owner herself.

Lube. You’re taught it’s only for old women with desert vulvas but in fact, it’s for everyone.

“The Little Mermaid” had it right — it’s better down where it’s wetter. Lube can greatly ease any discomfort your lady friend may feel during penetration and even if she’s already a Slip ‘N slide, this stuff will heighten all of it. Don’t believe me? Try it out. You won’t go back.

Open a dialogue. Make sure to check in with her during sex — does this feel good, how about this? Be present. Remember the While society doesn’t want to make our pressures the world places on her, remember pleasure a priority, you can. There’s so much that these pressures don’t suddenly disappear work to be done to fix this issue — revamps to in the bedroom. If you notice her give an odd sex education, a better culture surrounding feSee Edwards on page 15 male pleasure, massive changes to toxic gender

February 13, 2020

14

Edwards, pg. 14 facial expression, if you feel her tensing, speak up. This takes some of the work off of her and will let her know you’re paying attention to her comfort.

Do not jackhammer. I repeat — your dick is not a piece of construction equipment and I am not a broken sidewalk.

There’s this thing called the clitoris, and I bet you 20 bucks you either don’t know where it is or don’t know how to stimulate it properly. The external clitoris sits at the peak of the labia majora, and the rest of it is inside the vulva — a giant internal organ. Check out this nifty diagram. You can’t see the external clitoris right away just by looking at a woman’s genitals — it’s hidden under a cute little hood.

You can lift this hood and move it to the side.

When the clitoris is aroused it rises up and hardens, much like your penis. Turns out you have more in common with women than you thought! The clitoris is the only piece of human anatomy designed specifically for pleasure. It has no other purpose. So, um, man — rub it. Lick it. Interact with it. Tell it how you failed your last history test.

Most women cannot come from penetrative sex alone — sorry, your penis isn’t God

— but the lack of awareness of this fact in the media and in society causes infinite bad hookups. Clitoral stimulation is usually needed, but rarely given, and sometimes only as an afterthought. Ask your partner how she touches herself and mimic this. She knows best.

Invest in a vibrator, or ask if she happens to have one. Using toys during sex shouldn’t be taboo — it greatly increases her chance of climaxing.

Foreplay. For the love of all that is good and holy, do not jump right into sticking your weiner into the donut. Women don’t walk around constantly wet and ready to go. Put the work in, Jack. Touch her all over. Tell her sexy things, like how you can load the dishwasher all by yourself. Oh, yeah. There ya go.

Don’t become another nightmare Tinder tale, another case of the orgasm gap at work.

With a few tweaks to your sexual lexicon, you can start to change the statistical tide. When women cum they are happy. Women deserve to be happy, just like you. Now hop on over to the Rite Aid and buy some lube!

Genna writes humor and satire primarily about gender politics, film and other media for The Pitt News. Write to Genna at gee9@pitt. edu.

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15

satire:

PITT SPORTS TEAMS AS PAST PARTNERS Stephen Thompson Assistant Sports Editor

College is a time where many people break out of their shells and start to date a wide range of people. And on Pitt’s campus there is a wide variety of partners to choose from. One might even find themselves tied up with an athlete.

But what if those athletes personified the teams they play for? Well, you might be in for the same disappointment.

Football Pitt football was your first. The OWeek high carried through the first week of class and led that first weekend foray in South Oakland. As a young, naive firstyear, you couldn’t wait to finally step out into your first weekend at Pitt. There was a novelty to campus when you first arrived, even if in the light of day it wasn’t the prettiest place you’ve ever seen.

One weekend you met Pitt football in a dingy basement while trying to link back up with your two friends — coincidentally

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the only people you knew on campus. But Pitt football was there to help orient yourself. They made you feel like, for the first time, like you were really in college.

You went home with them, not realizing that when they said they lived off campus, they really meant off campus. It was a hike.

Nevertheless, it was a nice place. Big, but nice. It did feel strange because they didn’t really have enough furniture to fill such a big apartment, though their roommate seemed to fill out their space just fine.

He kept going on about how great his old apartment was and how much fun it was to live closer to campus.

“People would come by all the time back when we were on campus,” he said.

“It was so much better being in Oakland.”

They showed you some pictures and to be honest, it looked like a dump. But hey, it would have been nice to not have to take a bus to see them.

All in all they were nice enough, you

suppose. Now if only they could last a full four quarters.

Volleyball Because football ended up being kind of a dud, you turned to volleyball. You met them in class — their reserved, quiet personality kept them anonymously tucked away in the back of the classroom.

That’s where you like to sit too, and thank god, because you needed them.

Volleyball was patient and tolerated more than enough of your dumb questions.

“Why are they wearing a different colored jersey? Why don’t they just spike it that hard all the time?”

As you started to introduce them to your friends, they see how special volleyball is too. Now all you can talk about is how great volleyball is and when you guys will take the next step.

As December rolls around, you pop the “what are we” question and volleyball is wildly confident about your direction as a couple. You two are excited to reach that

February 13, 2020

next round of your relationship.

Then all of a sudden, everything collapses. You should have seen this coming.

Everytime you get invested, things fall apart. You lose them after a trip to Cincinnati.

The anger subsides and a few weeks later, you try to convince yourself that volleyball was a fun fling and you didn’t really care, but you’ll be back. You can’t resist a winner. When football lets you down again next fall, you’ll come running right back and you know it.

Men’s basketball As basketball season rolls around, the cuffing season begins. You’ve settled in with a more serious partner, Pitt men’s basketball, who you’re able to see more than once a weekend. It’s a big step up from your late-night booty call every other weekend from the fall.

The one problem, though, is that See Teams on page 18

16

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February 13, 2020

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Teams, pg. 16 they’re a work in progress. They struggled through an empty relationship with their older ex and have had a hard time getting over him. Pitt basketball was in a bit of a slump before you met them.

Their friend who transferred to Oregon State a few years ago had a big hand in setting up Pitt basketball with the first messy relationship, and now basketball’s had trouble trusting again.

But you just want them to get over that. You see a good person and since you two have been together, their grades are better, they surround themselves with better friends and their, um, performance has been better.

After all your previously disappointing encounters, could this be the one? They’re dedicated and driven with passion and a plan for their future that inspires hope.

You’re encouraged by your love life for the first time in who knows how long.

Although, you should focus on yourself. Because if track records are any indication, you shouldn’t come to expect much from a romantic relationship or Pitt sports.

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tpn file photo

February 13, 2020

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“The Pitt News was an instrumental jumpstart to my career.”

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I N D E X

Rentals & Sublet • NORTH OAKLAND • SOUTH OAKLAND • SHADYSIDE • SQUIRREL HILL • SOUTHSIDE • NORTHSIDE • BLOOMFIELD • ROOMMATES • OTHER

For Rent North Oakland 214 N. Craig Street.

Safe, secure build­ ing. 1BR, furnished.

Newly remodeled, no pets. Rent $850 and up, including heat. Mature or Graduate students.

412‑855‑9925 or 724‑940‑0045. Email for pictures: salonre­ na@gmail.com Apartments for rent. 2 and 3 bedroom apart‑ ments available. Some available on Dawson Street, At­wood Street, and Mc­kee Place.

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Some have laundry on site. Min­utes from the Univer­sity. For more info please call Mike at 412‑849‑8694

Employment • CHILDCARE • FOOD SERVICES • UNIVERSITY • INTERNSHIPS • RESEARCH • VOLUNTEERING • OTHER

Oak­land Square. We have Studios, 1, 2 & 3BR apartments avail­able. Clean, walking distance to campus. Great location. $600‑$1300 ALL UTILITIES IN­ CLUDED! Off‑street parking available.

No pets, smoking or parties. Call 412‑882‑7568 or email tsciul­li123@ gmail.com 1‑2‑3 bedroom apart­ ments available for August 2020. Owner Managed. 40+ years on campus. Fully fur­ nished or unfur­nished, most units are newly remodeled Kitchens and baths , located on Atwood, Semple, Oakland Ave., Ward, Mckee Place, Juliet.

Call or text Tim @ 412‑491‑1330 www.­ TMKRentals.com

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Most units on busline and close to Pitt.

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3211 Juliet St. 2 apart‑ ments for rent. Avail‑ able 08/01/2020.

2 BR at $950/mo. in­ cludes all utilities.

3 BR at $1425/ mo. in­cludes all utilities. Se­curity Deposit re­quired. Call 412‑608‑8581.

322 S. Bouquet.

Huge 2 BR apart­ ments. Available May 1, 2020 or Au­gust 1, 2020. 412‑361‑2695 3322 Hardie Way. 2 BR, 1 bath. $1100/mo. w/s incl. Call/Text 412‑953‑3295

Newly renovated, fully furnished, 4&5 BR, 2‑1/2 BA houses.

Near Pitt Dental School, Car­low Uni‑ versity. Laundry ser‑ vices available. $600/ mo per unit, includes util­ities. Available now & August 1.

Chris 412‑656‑5693.

264 Robinson St. 2 BR, 3 bath, $1000+utilities.

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3444 Ward St. We have studios, 2, and 3 bedroom apartments.

Bright and spacious.

Free heating and free parking. Move May 1, 2020 or August 1, 2020. Call 412‑361‑2695

2BR houses and apart­ ments available in August. Unfur­nished, no pets. At­wood/S. Bouquet. Call 412‑492‑8173

3BR house, South Oakland Niagara St. Central Air, Dish­ washer. $1350+ utili­ ties. Available Au­gust 2020. 412‑276‑6974.

South Oakland

3,5,6 bedroom. All newly renovated, air‑conditioning, dish­washer, washer/ dryer, and parking.

4909 Centre Ave. Great location for this spacious 1BR apart‑ ment located be­tween Pitt and CMU. On

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• ADOPTION • EVENTS • LOST AND FOUND • STUDENT GROUPS • WANTED • OTHER

buslines, near restau‑ rants, a block from Shady Side hos­pital.

Rent includes heat.

Laundry, stor­age & parking avail­able.

Updated kitchens and hard­wood floors.

Avail­able spring, sum‑ mer and fall. Contact Sue at 412‑720‑4756 daily between 8:00 and 6:00 Before signing a lease, be aware that no more than 3 unre­lated people can share a single unit. Check property’s compliance with codes. Call City’s Per­mits, Licensing & In­spections.

412‑255‑2175.

Dawson Village Apts. near CMU and Pitt.

One bedroom apts. $935 + electric. Avail‑ able for immedi­ate move in. On bus line, close to restau­rants and shops. Contact Jerry at 412‑722‑8546 Now renting for Fall 2020. Apartments and houses of all sizes.

Conveniently located throughout South Oakland. Rents start‑ ing as low as $620.

John C.R. Kelly Realty. Call to­day at 412‑683‑7300 www.jcrkelly.com Pet Friendly!!

Studios ‑ $695‑$705 1Beds ‑ $795‑$815

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2beds ‑ $975‑$995 3beds ‑ $1,245 412‑455‑5600 or www.pghnexus.com Spacious, well‑main­ tained S Oakland 3BR house, $1875/ mo + utilities. Central AC, DW, W/D. Large kitchen, pantry, high ceilings, decorative FP, out­door space.

Close to Pitt & shut‑ tle. Off‑street parking avail. Panther Proper‑ ties, 412‑328‑6236, pan­therproperties2@ g­mail.com. pan‑ ther‑life/oakland Studio, 1, 2, 3, and 4 BD apartments avail­ able in South Oak­land from $800‑$2500 M.J. Kelly Real Estate mjkellyrealty@gmail.­ com. 412‑271‑5550.

Shadyside Brett/Thames Manor Apts. (Ellsworth & S. Negley Ave.) near CMU and Pitt.

Stu­dio, One, Two bed­ room apts. Thames Ef‑ fecency: $790 Thames 1BD: $990 Brett 2BD: $1600 Available for immedi­ate move in.

On bus line, close to restau­rants & shops.

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waterfront. Just re­ modeled, carpeted, large 2 BR, with equipped kitchen. No pets or section 8. $825 plus electric, heat included.

Call 412‑600‑1383.

Studios, 1, 2, & 3 Bedroom apartments available August 2020 & sooner. Oak­land, Shadyside, Friend‑ ship, Squirrel Hill, Highland Park, Point Breeze. Photos & current availabil‑ ity online, check out www.forbesmanage­ ment.net, or call 412.441.1211

Employment Employment Other OFFICE INTERN Shadyside Manage­ ment Company seeks person w/ min 2 yrs. college, for upcom­ing spring semester, to interview & pro­cess rental appli­cants, do internet post‑ ings & help staff our action‑central of­fice.

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February 13, 2020

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