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Things I Take From the Dead Jay Kerner Publisher/Hoarder
Everybody dies. Differing beliefs about what happens to you after that, is the number one reason for war in the history of our species. The number two reason is the fighting over your stuff after you’re gone. Somebody is getting grandma’s buffet. And the china. And the silver. Somebody has grandpa’s checkbook and safety deposit box key. The jostling for position starts before the body cools to room temperature. Often, way before that. I’ve seen families squabble over ratty old tables and chairs, causing rifts that never healed. The toxic mixture of grief and greed brings out the worst in us all. I like to think that I’m immune to all that, but mostly I just don’t care about the same items as most folks. When someone close passes, I get out of the way and let everybody else do what they will. Then, once the “valuables” have all been claimed, I move in for the screwdrivers. And the scissors. And the garden tools. I guess I like to remember people through the things they used. Like I’ll be turning a screw and suddenly wonder if I’ve finally used the tool in my hand as many times as my grandfather did during his life. (In our time of cordless screwdrivers, not likely!) Or I’ll dig a little flower planting spot for the Queen with her Aunt Sissy’s spade. It’s probably a century old, but still does the job it was made for, as dependably as it did when new. I replace missing buttons from the big jar I got from grandma, who added to it over a lifetime, after getting it from her own mother who did the same. Now I’ve added to it myself with buttons from my mother-inlaw and other relatives. I like to think about all the garments held together by the contents of that jar. The petticoats and the school clothes. The flour sack dresses, the coats of many colors and the teddy-bear eyes. I like to think about a time where folks of modest means held the simplest of appliances in such high regard. Back when home sewn clothes were handed down till they were only good as rags, but not before the buttons were carefully salvaged for the next project. I have a glass pie pan from my Aunt Roonie who made the second best lemon-meringue pie in the universe. (After her mother’s!) I tried to make one myself, and clearly the pie gene can skip generations. I have my father-in-law’s rickety step ladder, every rung a testament to his life’s maintenance chores. Drips of white paint from every coat he put on the house. (Every five years, over as many decades.) Speckles here and there of the gray from their porch. I’ve added my own meager contributions, with the green from my garage door and a
touch of blue from our guest room. I have some of my late brother’s hand tools. His framing hammer is so big I have to use two hands to swing it unless I choke way up. I know he is making fun of me every time I use it, wherever he’s watching from. I have so many carving knives I forget where they all came from. I couldn’t possibly have a use for them all, but I don’t like the idea of them passing from the family. I don’t get bogged down with the math, but just think of all the Thanksgiving turkeys rendered by the implements in that drawer. All the Christmas hams. I have my stepfather’s glass eyes in a tiny box in my desk. His good one and his backup. I wanted to put them on my baby granddaughter’s forehead and say, “Don’t you think she has great-grandpa’s eyes?” Daughter was not amused. I have everyone’s ice cream scoops. Silly I know, but once you have three, it’s a collection. From there it just kind of happens. You might be surprised to see how many different types there are. I love some of the most basic designs but some of the others are downright ingenious. We own lots of hand-made family items. Intricate quilts from a century that didn’t touch this one. Needle-point and crochet projects from the middle of the last century. Holiday scenes and days of the week, the most popular themes. Handmade lace doilies, out the wazoo. Because really, can you ever have enough lace doilies? I picture generations of our family’s womenfolk, all in rockers by the fire. Listening to the radio and embellishing their simple lives stitch by stitch. Each adding a layer of her own efforts to the ancient cedar chest that lives in our bedroom. You can dig down through it like an archeologist and track the timeline of our ancestors, clear back to before they came to this country. I suppose at my age, all of this should inspire me to be more proactive in how I deal with what I will eventually leave behind myself. Probably, but I may just let the family divide my treasures however they want after I’m gone. Seems a shame to break up the odd taxidermy collection but between that and the ugly sport-coats, there should be something for everyone.
Contact The Regular Joe 816-617-5850 email@theregularjoepaper. com P.O. Box 1304 St. Joseph, Mo. 64502 Read us online www.theregularjoepaper.com
What’s the Big Deal, Sugar? By Shannon Bond Is quitting cold turkey the way to defeat your sweet tooth and lose that weight? Not usually. If you’re like most Americans, you’re eating way too much sugar. According to experts we’re taking in up to 285 calories of added sugar per day, when we should be around 100 to 150. But, what’s the big deal with sugar and how does it really affect your daily energy? First, that enjoyment is an addiction and the more sugar you eat, the more you want. That’s because sugar fuels every cell in the brain and it sees it as a reward. Do artificial sweeteners break the addiction? Not really, but everyone is different so pay attention to your body’s cravings. The problem is that the sweeteners are just as sweet, if not sweeter, than sugar so your body can’t tell them apart. Thus, your taste buds are still taking in sweetness (that the brain can’t distinguish from sugar) and your body still develops the addiction. How can you tell if you are addicted? That’s not an easy question, but if you have uncontrollable cravings and eat more than you planned, you are probably under the sugar spell. The high/ low cycle works like this: 1. You eat loads of added sugar (like a candy bar), this sugar is a simple carbohydrate, which is quickly converted to glucose in your blood. 2. You get your high, but the pancreas realizes that you have a sugar overload and goes to work, producing insulin to level out your blood glucose level. 3. Now the crash, due to the dramatic drop
in blood sugar as a result of the insulin, which leaves you shaky and hungry. And, you guessed it, craving more sugar to get back to that high. But, you say, there is sugar in fruit and veggies, we need sugar to live. This is true, but the difference is in the nutrients. When you eat fruits and veggies you are also taking in fiber and other micronutrients that slows the sugar processing down. This helps your body avoid the blood glucose spike and regulates your energy more efficiently. When you eat added sugar, it’s just the simple carbohydrate, which rushes into your bloodstream. The best way to break the sugar addiction is not through a one time cleanse or short term diet. Just like any healthful practice, the best way to overcome the food industry’s attempts to addict you to their products is to make one small change at a time. Don’t cut out foods without replacing them and move slowly. If you love dessert, try celery (or an apple) and peanut butter, or berries and oatmeal. Don’t forget to use that blender either. You can mix up a nutrient dense, low calorie shake. A little orange, apple, banana, kale, cucumber, blueberry, or carrot added to some non-sweetened almond milk and veggie protein powder satisfies the sweet tooth and fuels you for hours. The protein and fiber slows down the sugar process, leaves you full longer, your blood glucose doesn’t spike, and the fruit still hits the spot. It’s important to read the labels and understand that sugar is sneaky. If you crave potato chips, french fries, and pasta, sugar still has you in its clutches. That starch is a complex carbohydrate that your body breaks down into simple
sugar (glucose), which has the same effect. If you’re going to eat those foods, make sure that you add some high fiber or protein food to the same meal. As usual, the best nutrition advice is to eat fruits, veggies, and whole grains. While your body may process refined and natural sugar the same, all sugary foods are not created equal. The sugar in the cherry pie, candy bar, or donut shoots directly into your blood stream, giving you a fast high, but causing your pancreas to go on the defensive with the insulin. This gives you that hard drop, leaving you craving more. The sugar in the apple, banana, or carrot is in good nutrient company, along with protein and fiber that slow down and balance the blood sugar. No crash, just energy. It’s also important to build up your physical activity. Fitness is all about balance and being active helps to decrease cravings and increase energy levels without the need for added sugar. The more you exercise the more balanced your body’s cravings will become, and the more forgiving you can be when you do indulge (we all do it). And remember, any of that sugar your body doesn’t use for energy may be turned into fat.
Martha Lafite Regular Joe Halloween Matt Meier It was a dark and spooky night. My mother was cruising back country roads, our Ford Windstar effortlessly leaning into turns. “Hotel California” was on the radio and I was dressed as an alien. Halloween was only days away and we were heading to the Martha Lafite Nature Sanctuary, just on the edge of Liberty, near William Jewell. The year was 2000. Just about the point in the song where “they stab it with their steely knives,” my mother realized she had missed the turn for the sanctuary. We were planning to meet some family friends there and take me and my siblings through the trails for a Halloween trick-or-treat, a fact which I was excited for. Nature + candy = Happy Matt.
Plus, my costume was super scary (I still have it). Flash forward thirty minutes, we finally made it, panicked if only because “Hotel California” did a great job scaring my pants off. Dark, country roads you’re not familiar with as a kid? No me gusta. Beside having the Eagles and Martha Lafite Nature Sanctuary forever tied in my mind, the actual Halloween event is quite awesome. The sanctuary consists of a few short hiking trails that weave throughout the Rush Creek Conservation area. During their Halloween event, numerous Jack-o-lanterns line one of the main trails, guiding kids and their parents from stop to stop. This year’s Halloween event will be held Octo-
ber 23, 24, and 25 and will be a great opportunity for kids to go out and have some fun. And don’t just let Halloween be your only excuse to go out: trails can be hiked year-round, perfect for stretching your legs after a tough day at work. Martha Lafite Nature Sanctuary can be reached at 407 North Franz Road, in Liberty. You can contact the sanctuary at 816.781.8598 or visit their website at naturesanctuary.com. And since Martha Lafite Nature Sanctuary is a non-profit organization that relies on the help of volunteers, you can volunteer your time by calling, emailing at info@naturesanctuary.com, or simply driving out during operating hours.
Pinktober Cassie Bond This October is my first as a breast cancer survivor. As we enter Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I felt compelled to write something. I got a little stuck on exactly what I wanted to say, though, especially as I read more articles written by others. For starters, people have some really strong feelings about all of the pink propaganda. There are people who love it and people who hate it, and I’ve seen some strong cases on both sides. There are more than three million breast cancer survivors living in the U.S. today, so there are a lot of opinions out there. My feelings on whether all of the pink products being manufactured and sold are actually doing much good are mixed. But even if they weren’t, I’m not that interested in trying to convince you why one side or the other is right. I also didn’t want to simply regurgitate what somebody else has already written. “The Top 10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Breast Cancer,” “Ways to Support Someone with Cancer,” and much more can easily be found with a quick Google search. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. After a lot of thought, what I would like to do is make my own personal awareness plea. Despite all of the efforts being put into breast cancer awareness, there still seems to be a disconnect between people knowing that breast cancer is out there and actually believing it can happen to them. Here is what I would like to ask of you: First and foremost, get to know—and pay attention to—your body. Know what is normal for you, and when something isn’t quite right, get it checked out. Get the recommended screenings and tests, whether you think you need them or not. Encourage your friends and family members to do the same. Since my diagnosis I’ve talked to a lot of people and participated in different forums, and a common theme I’ve heard again and again is that people wish they had gotten their symptoms checked out sooner. Of course hindsight is 20/20, but a lot of people end up wondering how their situation might have been different if they had acted sooner. Along with that, find a doctor you are comfortable with and who takes your concerns seriously. If your doctor doesn’t listen, go find another one. Again, I can’t tell you how many stories I have come across about women whose doctors didn’t act aggressively when they complained of symptoms, because they were “too young” to have breast cancer or otherwise didn’t fit the profile for a cancer diagnosis. You are your own strongest advocate, so if something doesn’t seem right, keep pushing until you get answers. The earlier breast cancer (or pretty much any disease) is detected, the better the odds are of beating it. Breast cancer is what is on my mind and in the
news right now, but the same advice applies across the board. Know your body, follow up quickly when something doesn’t seem right, and keep asking until you get answers. This October, and every month, please be proactive and do whatever you can to keep yourself healthy.
Spooky Business Jay Kerner Publisher/Costume Designer One of my favorite things about my mom is that she never let us wear store-bought Halloween costumes. She explained how important it was to use our imagination. She didn’t have to explain that we were also too broke for store-bought. We pretty much knew already. But that didn’t mean we didn’t want ‘em. The molded plastic mask that only vaguely resembled whatever current TV personality was on the box. Marcus Welby M.D., the Six Million Dollar Man and G.I. Joe, strangely all had the same face. Wearing them made you breathe through undersized nose and mouth holes so you were always slightly, hyper-ventilating, which adds to the fun. They came with a one-size-fits-most pajama-type jumpsuit, that always had the name of the character printed on the front, really big. I’m sorry, but Snoopy doesn’t have his name in script letter across his chest. Neither does Popeye. I always thought that was lame, but at least you don’t waste a lot of time while the geezers with the candy ask who you’re supposed to be. So we made our own costumes. Monsters were always popular. One early attempt had me collecting a week’s worth of hair from the floor of my grandma’s beauty shop. I covered a paper grocery sack in Elmer’s glue and ten pounds of old lady curls. Lon Chaney’s Wolfman had nothing on mine. It ran the gamut from blonde to brown, red to black. I even had a few stray strands of the pink and the violet that were popular among the octogenarians of the day. As I got older, I went for more misdirection get-ups. Fake head coming out of the neck hole of the shirt, while the real head, covered in ketchup-blood, appears severed on a platter. Like that. There was a progression of impalements. Fake arrows through the chest, rubber knife in the eye, cardboard battle-ax through the skull. But just when I was coming into my own, in ghoulish ideas, I was suddenly too old, according to the rest of society. Still, I probably ended up trick-or-treating one year too long. Me and my pal, Ronnie Radmer decided the lure of candy was worth a little embarrassment. It wasn’t. It didn’t take many grownups asking, “Aren’t you boys a little old for this?”, to call it off and head for home. Turns out 27 is the cut-off. Good to know. But then I had kids. (Cue the bwah ha ha and the hand wringing). I could give you a long list of our various efforts over the years but let’s just say we explored the limits of craft and design. We sewed. We hot glued. We paper-machied. We let them pick whatever they wanted, then we figured it out without pattern or example. We did all kind of things. The pictures in the hallway say a lot about the popular culture of the times.
There’s Bart Simpson with hair spikes made from snow-cone, cones. There’s the purple felt, California Raisins. We learned a lot along the way. Like, how spray paint goes on easy but come off hard. Which is of course, why our oldest still has a noticeable, “Smurph Blue” tint to her in the ’06 Christmas pictures. So, maybe you’re not so crafty. Big deal! There’s the internet. Somebody else’s kids love the same “Rabid Robot Babies” or whatever, that your kids do, and has already figured it out. There’s probably a how-to video on how to make anything your kids can dream up. Copy what you like. Adapt it to your skills and your budget. However you do it, do it together. Make it an annual project. In our house it was a year round topic of discussion that accelerated the closer we got to the holiday. Now it’s the granddaughter’s turn. I’m heading to the fabric store for foam rubber. Somebody wants to be a “Minion” and we’re on it!. Happy Halloween to all the boys and ghouls.
Live Music Hi-Lites across the Northland Brew Top Pub North 8614 N. Boardwalk
Fri 10/2 Retroactive Sat 10/3 The Disappointments Fri 10/9 Rockshow Sat 10/10 The Stolen Winnebegos Sat 10/17 Flannigan’s Right Hook Fri 10/23 Wonderfuzz Sat 10/24 Switch Fri 10/30 Transients Sat 1031 Cherry Bomb
Fat Fish Blue 7260 NW 87th in Zona Rosa
Live Music Most Weekends
Sherlock’s Underground 858 S 291 Liberty Every Wed at 8pm Oasis
The Hideout 6948 N. Oak
Every Thursday is Bike Nite with Dave Hayes Band, Levee Town, and Blue 88 Open blues jam Sundays, 7 p.m.
Pat’s Pub1315 Swift
Every Wed nite Open Jam hosted by Rob Gray
Rollin’ for Cerebral Palsy Danny Phillips Regular Joe Music Guy As a music journalist, I have been in the St. Joseph, Missouri music scene for 12 to 15 years (depending on whom you ask), writing about the scene, the great bands I’ve seen come and go and about the artists, many of whom I am proud now to call friends. I’ve organized Rollin’ for Cerebral Palsy as a way to give back to the city and people that have been there through the thick and thin, helping me fine tune my writing style and to show my love for the music that has become so engrained in the fabric of our fair city. Why United Cerebral Palsy of St. Joseph, you may ask? Why not another organization? The answer is simple: Being born with Cerebral Palsy myself, I know the struggles and pain that could go along with CP. In addition to the pain that comes with the mutual surgeries on my legs (I’ve had at least 13 surgeries in my 40 years), I know the stigma that comes along with the way I walk, the way people look at me when I struggling to walk through Wal-Mart, sometimes even going so far as to point and laugh at “the freak.” In polite society, we should not do such things; we should not look at people only on the outside but at the inside, the fiber of their character, what they bring to the world. Another reason: I would have loved to have a place like UCP of St. Joseph when I was growing up. Maybe I would have had an easier time in school, maybe I would have walked before I was five years old, perhaps my self-image would have grown stronger and I would have known how to handle people that ridiculed me. Maybe I would be strong enough to stand up for who I am, something I even today have trouble doing. Maybe, as my good friend Jay Claywell (also born with CP and my co-MC for the event) has said, “perhaps you would have accepted who you are and not let CP define you.” Perhaps he’s right. Maybe this event will shine a little on a great organization that helps people with disabilities outside of CP. United Cerebral Palsy of St. Joseph brings love, patience, understanding and good to an exceedingly dark and sad world. The main reason I organized the event? The music, good lord the music! I had always wanted to organize a show, bands hand-picked by me; now is my chance. Starting at 1 pm, performers such as Missouri Homegrown (right), Tracy Huffman and the Walking Sticks, Tyler Harman, Zale Bledsoe, Freight Train Rabbit Killer, Beacons and many more will fill the air with electricity, music and excitement; all playing for free, all more than happy to help such a great organization. The night’s headliner is Scruffy and the Janitors. It gives me hope to know all of these musicians (9 in all) are willing to spend their Saturday volunteering without hesitation, without stipulations, without letting personal ego or problems get in the way of charity. This, this is the true soul of St. Joseph: giving, supporting one another and having a good time doing it. $5 gets you in the door all day for the event. Raffle prizes have been donated by Twilight Gardens, Flying Pig Tattoo, Bliss, Regis, Edmond Street Parlor, Skateboard Everything, Fosters Martini Bar, Stay True Tattoo and many more. For more info visit the Rollin’ For Cerebral Palsy event page on Facebook or look for the bright yellow posters around town. Rollin’ For Cerebral Palsy: A Benefit for United Cerebral Palsy of St. Joseph.
Saturday October 17, 2015 Magoons Famous Delicatessen 1pm to close $5 at the door All proceeds go to United Cerebral Palsy of St. Joseph
GMOS: Grow More Organics! There’s no question that one of the hottest hot-button topics in agriculture and nutrition today is that of GMOs, or genetically modified organisms. Genetically modified plants are ones that have been bioengineered with the genes of another species in a laboratory to produce traits that the original plant does not inherently posess, such as resistance to drought or to heavy doses of chemical herbicides. Biotech companies claim that GMO crops produce greater yields and thus are beneficial in helping to feed the world’s hungry. The price that farmers pay for planting these crops is that they are not allowed to save their seeds for future planting as farmers have done for millenia, but are required to buy their seeds from the monopolistic GMO seed companies regardless of what kind of harvest they yield. It is reported that many farmers in India, for example, have committed suicide when their GMO crops failed and they had no alternative but to purchase more GMO seed. Farmers in Haiti banded together and burned GMO crops as a protest. Some farmers in Canada and the United States were sued by a leading GMO company because winddrift caused GMO seeds to infiltrate their fields and they were accused of growing the plants without a contract! It is amazing that our Supreme Court ruled in the early 80s that nature’s seeds could be patented..... Many consumers are opposed to GMOS, feeling that they are harmful to the environment or to human health. In fact, the majority of Americans today support the labeling of foods with GMOs. And although at least one state, Vermont, has passed such a law, it may be nullified in Congress if the GMO companies get their way. They have spent millions of dollars opposing labeling, claiming that it would
drive up the cost of our food bills, but it is likely because they would lose millions in profit if consumers chose non-GMO foods instead. The truth is, we don’t know for sure what the longterm environmental or health effects of GMOS are because they have only been in the food supply chain for the last two decades or so. 60 countries in the world have labeling laws and Russia has reportedly outlawed GMO crops entirely. The majority of Americans support labeling laws, but they do not have the corporate political clout of the biotech companies and their lobbyists. The genie, as they say, is out of the bottle, and there’s probably nothing we can do to stop the proliferation of GMOs. Already, 80 percent of corn and soybeans are GMO, and these crops are ubiquitous in our food supply in everything from corn syrup to beef. So what can concerned consumers do? First, we can support the efforts of organic farmers since organic foods cannot by law contain GMOs. Secondly, even if foods are not organically produced we can buy ones that have the distinctive butterfly label of the NON-GMO Project, a thirdparty watchdog organization dedicated to verifying non-GMO foods in the marketplace. We cannot control what the Supreme Court or Congress does but we can choose what we consume and vote with our dollars. And by doing so we will ensure that farmers will Grow More Organics! Yours for a Non-GMO future , James Fly Certified Health Coach
aCappella St. Joseph
Make plans to be at the Mutually Agreeable a Cappella concert set for Sunday, October 4, at 6:00 p.m. at the Restoration Church in downtown St. Joseph. This concert will feature St. Joseph’s award winning a Cappella choruses the Voices of America and RiverSong along with special international guests Vocality. Vocality, a phenomenal international quartet sensation from Sweden, will be concluding their North American tour with their performance in St. Joseph as they’ve prepared for the international quartet competition in Las Vegas in October. Other featured guest performers will include the ever popular and loved BassLine quartet along with a newly formed quartet, Vox Populi, which promises to be a crowd pleaser with their strong, close harmonies. Set at Restoration Church, in their the newly open downtown location at 117 Francis, St. Joseph, a reclaimed warehouse built in the late 1800’s, it’s a perfect venue for singing and performing. Restoration Church in restoring this building has maintained its original beauty, while giving it a modern rustic and welcoming charm and feel. Working together for the first time in nearly 3 decades; Voices of America and RiverSong have produced MUTUALLY AGREEABLE a Cappella., a concert that promises to be an unbelievable a Cappella experience for audience members. Get your tickets today at the following locations: Allied Arts Council Office, 118 S. 8th Street in St Joseph; from chorus members of both Voice of America and RiverSong or online at: www.vchorus.com or http://www.riversongchorus.com Ticket Prices: Adults $15 in advance, $20 at the door; Students $10 in advance, $15 at the door. An Afterglow will be held at the landing following the concert for a nominal fee. The audience will be thrilled with incredible harmonies, ringing chords, the rustic feel of the building as they enjoy the wonders of the voice singing a Cappella music.
Where to go when you come to
St. Joe
October Events at ZONA ROSA TASTE OF ZONA ROSA Sunday, October 4th, The Grove
NORTHLAND SAFE TRICK OR TREAT (HALLOWEEN NIGHT) DETAILS
Northland Symphony Orchestra is pleased to announce our 11th Annual Gala Benefit, A Taste of Zona Rosa, which will be held on Sunday, October 4th, 2015 at The Grove at Zona Rosa from 6:30pm to 8:30pm.
Saturday, October 31st, 5:00PM-9:00PM The Grove and the street of Zona Rosa
HEALTH & HARMONY Thursday, October 8th, 5:30PM to 9PM The Grove (Located beneath Marshall’s | HomeGoods) Grab a friend, family member or significant other and enjoy an evening of fun, food and friendship. Dance to live music by Bob Harvey, savor food from Bravo! Cucina Italiana and chat one-onone with our doctors and healthcare experts. Mark your calendars to make memories.
BILL CROSS 5K WALK/FUN RUN FOR BACKSNACK Sunday, October 11th - 8:00 AM Zona Rosa Town Square Register today and help feed hungry Northland Children by participating in the 5th Annual Bill Cross 5K Walk/Run for BackSnack.
Safe Trick or Treat returns to Zona Rosa for it’s 4th year on Halloween night! Northland children will once again have a fun, safe and FREE opportunity to Trick or Treat in the presence of local KCPD officers, who help pass out candy! It’s a Northland Halloween spooktacular! Safe Trick or Treat returns to Zona Rosa for it’s 4th year on Halloween night! Northland children will once again have a fun, safe and FREE opportunity to Trick or Treat in the presence of local KCPD officers, who help pass out candy! This event also features an interactive Haunted House, kidfriendly games and giveaways! (The Haunted House is family friendly, but it can still be a bit scary for younger children so please enter with caution. There is a chicken exit for little ones who are not quite sure about the surroundings.) Based on previous years, this event is best suited for children ages 4 to 12. Wear your costumes and bring your cameras! For a sneak peak at what’s in store, visit Northland Halloween on facebook!