Introspective

By Camille Daniels

I am blessed and I know it.

When the pandemic caused the university to close, I knew two things: that I was grateful to have a home to return to, and that I had my classes to keep me occupied. In my opinion when something this grand causes just about everything to stop, it is good to have something to turn to, to keep oneself engaged. For those who no longer had that ‘thing’ to turn towards in order to fulfill them; the idea of being home with nothing to do freaked them out in ways they were not prepared for. Not only did I have something to involve myself with, but I knew it was something to work toward my degree.

As a graduate student who did not come straight from undergraduate school, my brief experience in the ‘real world’ taught me a lot. The one lesson was the importance of a strong mind and deep faith. These times right now are a reminder why you need it and for me it has caused me to look at those two things all over again. As a graduate student you sign up for many things and one of those things is to accept the fact there is pressure; and the pressure was already there before the pandemic hit. This experience put that pressure on a new level with short notice of everything. As someone that chose to live on campus to quickly move out once told to leave, to get back home and set up shop to start classes online within forty-hours of my return was insane, and took me about three weeks to adjust too. I am a late bloomer with swift change, so it takes me a minute to find my groove, but once I do I am able to function. Still, this experience added to that pressure and at times I wondered when it would all end.

But thankfully the pressure died down long enough to gather my thoughts and digest the fact that whatever was going on in the world was not going to end by the end of the semester. To come to that conclusion was difficult, but later on it made sense. I am a few blocks in from a major highway, I live on the route to one of the two major airports that call New York City home - John F. Kennedy International Airport. Throughout the months of April and May, just about every twenty minutes or so, if I chose to pay attention, I heard the sirens. The more I began to understand COVID-19, the more I realized that every time I heard one of those sirens there was a strong possibility someone was riding to their death.

My sadness is the same for every life that is now becoming known through the Black Lives Matter Movement for the wrong reasons. Yet like the protestors undeterred, I too am inspired to keep going after my goals, and not give up because too much is at stake, as well as doing so whilst being unapologetically myself.

The year 2020 and this historical time have felt like a marathon of boxing matches. Had I known I would be in such an emotional and mental battle, I would have asked for boxing gloves last Christmas. However, it has also caused me to take a closer look at how I live my life and treat myself. It has also reminded me to make the time count by respecting it.