Quibbler finished by Ashlynn Webb

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THE   TO GET A! ODD JOB

OWL TRAINING Does your owl need training? Does it run into windows and deliver the letter or package to the wrong person every week? Your owl needs training and the best in the town is at the Owl Emporium in Diagon Alley. We train and teach your owls in a matter of days how to track and deliver to the right person! Come now!

Wizard Required Witches and wizards wandering free around Knockturn Alley!

We need your help to catch these evil, barbaric criminals on the loose! They have gotten away and are hiding from our Aurors. We need unknown faces to be on the look out for these witches and wizards in Diagon Alley. Their pictures are posted inside of the Ministry of Magic! If you’d like to help in this search, please report to the first floor of the Ministry of Magic to take a test; we will contact you, if you pass! Please come and help your Wizarding Community.

WAND REPAIR 200 YEARS IN BUSINESS

Is your wand broken or in need of repair? Did Gilroy Lockhart steal your wand and try to use a memory charm on you? Here at Wands Reparo, we will do our best to fix your wand at all costs, but sometimes wands just cannot be taped back together and be used! If it can't be fixed, we will send you to the best wand shop in Diagon Alley!

While we still search for people to publish their work, we have jobs listed in every issue of our magazine. For example, in one issue

learn how to fly

In the outskirts of Scotland we, the Flying Nargles, are prepared with brooms for 12 witches and wizards that want to learn how to fly a broom. Now if you must know we do not have any nargles in the area that we teach at but we do have Dirigible plum for everyone that attends. We just hope you can learn to fly before they fly away. Just send us an owl and we can she a letter back to let you know where all of our portkeys are at for travel. Notice!! We do not have lessons when it is raining or lightning, it would mess up our hair.

Illegal Pets

Detection

if you know anyone with a dragon or a unicorn please contact us! we know that people have been keeping them once they find them injured in the forest! It is illegal and will result in a fine and depending on how many animals you have be sentenced to Azkaban. Here is a list of illegal animals for you and the whole wizarding community to know: Acromantula, Baslisk, Centaur, Unicorn, Drago, Three-headed dogs (named Fluffy), Merperson (because they they are people too), Thestrol, Doxies, Hippogriff, Werewolf and a Yeti.

MASTER MIND!

SPELLS

This Classified section would not have been possible without the help of the writers; Thank you to Meg Pahel, Melissa Penatzer, Michael Wachter, Kiers Potter, Justin Landers, Diane Lewis, Laura C, Jai Nicole, Sara Gilman, Elizabeth Schechter, Sean Adams, and of course, The best of all, the Slug Club!

we have a person like Calli Fritz write into our last issue about a muggle that is apparently named john and is the colour Green! These silly muggles read this book about A Fault in Their Stars. What kind of book is that? Why is there a fault in their stars, they are Planets and I do not think they can have a fault in them. Well, besides them becoming a super nova or a black hole. I can see faults in that. Silly Muggles.

Looking for a Master Wizards? Stop now! We have two amazing Wizards named Boomer and Chocolate! Though, they seem to be stuck in their animagus form for days at a time! So look for two dogs with vicious barks and razor sharp fangs! Muwahaha!!! You've been warned!!! Please contact the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic if you have any trouble with these two wizards. They are under watch because of the last incident that occurred! These wizards are know to teach the Dark Side.

These ancient runes are interesting & only Hermione Granger can read them lets be real.

Ancient runes are the letters (and symbols) of a runic alphabet. It is very popular int he wizarding community & frequently used. Eihwaz mean defense & ehwaz means partnership & corresponds to the latin “e.” Unicorn is represented by the number 1 for having a single horn & Graphorn is represented by number two because it has 2 horns.

Magical Hat Repairing! Does your Sorting hat need to be fixed! well here is the perfect place to get it done! Just give us a owl and will come right away! We specialize in repairing your talking hats and even just ordinary wizard or witch's hats. Is it ripped or just stuck with a silly jinx your kinds put on it! just send an owl to Magical Hat Repairing! If we can’t fix it, we will make you a new one!

are you ready for change Change isn't always everyones favorite thing but it’s a part of a wizards life. Change is here with the new wizard law! Now on if, you attend Hogwarts School or Witchcraft and Wizardry, you are now allowed to have Ferrets apparently. They tell us this change is for the better because they want to over more choices to their students But we think that this change might be to drastic but it might keep the students having problems with have lost toads at school. During the years at Hogwarts a toad has been lost several times.

Wand Tuning

In order to get your wand in perfect tune you must be willing to listen to it. Most witches and wizards can hear when their wand performs spells more flat or sharp than they intend. If you are a witch, or a wizard, who prefers their wand to perform in an A# octave, be sure to keep your wand pointed north for all spell casting and only clean it with a green cloth. For those preferring more of a C♭ tune for their spells make sure your wand is at precisely 30NW at all times and keep it away from Chocolate Frogs. In fact, chocolate is one of the most known things to make a wand tune sharp. For further wand tuning advice feel free to write to the Quibbler.

All potions certi fied 5 years and older are suppose to work but sometimes they do not! Thats were we come in! The best yet in potion making and are guaranteed to work every time or your gallons back! Here at Potions Explosions we make sure all the potion recipes will work for you, mostly because we do not want to have to clean up a mess but for students to learn we want you to have the best bet at success on the fist try! Remember do not make love potions!

Ancient Potion Maker There is an blond haired witch in Scotland, named Kara Brown, that has claims to be an ancient potion maker but looks to only be in her 20’s…do you believe her? With all the Evidence at out feet why would you? think she is crazy turn to page 24 to read the rest.

Easy to Order:

ITS EASY TO ORDER Order now-fast shipping via floo network, owl, apparition or port key. Order any item available within Diagon Alley with just a flick of the wand. Browse our large catalog available every month. New items becoming available daily. No orders for illegal pets, dark arts items or any items from Knockturn alley, also no muggle item orders please.

Missing Cerberus!!! Ms. Glynda Sproutbottom has informed us that her pet Cerberus name "CuddlyBear" has gone missing since last tuesday. He was last seen playing fetch with her in a field outside of little whinging and simply 'disappeared' when her back was turned. CuddlyBear is fond of the smell of Gillyweed and will be lured to it; however Ms. Sproutbottom cautions that he has a tendency to drool heavily around the plant so suggests one have an umbrella. If found, please contact the Quibbler

Learn HEX Today is the day to learn the Hex called Titillando! We will be teaching people daily this spell in Knockturn Alley! This hex is better known as the tickling spell. We will teaching other hexes such as Densaugeo, Horngrowing hex, Pepper breathe, Stickfast, Toenail-growing, a n d Twitchy-ears! *Please remember that Theses are only to be used as a joke! if you are caught using these spells on muggles or professors at Hogwarts, if caught, you will be fined and given a warning by the ministry of Magic.

Why settle for young, sharp potions when you can enjoy a fine, mellow vintage? You can enjoy one of the amazing potions made by the wonderful potions master Melissaa Penatzer! She makes the best and most difficult potions such as; Liquid Luck, Draught of the living Dead, Elixir To induce Euphoria, Hiccoughing solution, and lastly a Potions Antidote. She is a fellow Hufflepuff graduate and is the Head of House.

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT!! Stop what you are doing right now and put down your Gilly Water! There has been a erugent recall on the water at this time! There have been reports of the water turning people into cockatrice which roam the city and terrorize the people! They appear to only attack people who have offended them.

runes

Here at the Quibbler we are always placing the classifieds in the first page of the magazine because we want you, the reader, to be able to view all the want ads and small advertisements by local wizarding businesses! No fake advertisements! Only the Truth You can find everything from hair stylists to Aurors and maybe even some new changes in the law.

practical

servicing

Does your Broom need fixing! Fire Fast Fixers are here to help you in your time of need. We are the official fixers for the Quidditch World Cup 2014! We specialize in tuning and altercating old and rundown brooms. We are open daily in Diagon Alley! With the exception of wizard holidays. We are here with a helping hand!

Scorch, Ashen, and Flare Professional Phoenix Training and Grooming. We specialize in seeding your Phoenix through molt with minimal property damage. All trainers certified in the care of magical creatures. St. Mungo's trained Healers on staff. just in case. Contact for prices.

Anyone that can read runes, this is for you! We, at S.P.E.W, need one extra translator to help with the work load for this organization. We have gotten very popular among certain house elf’s that need some better soaks and clothes.

Just contact us by owl by 2015 if you are interested. -Ashlynn and Savannah Weasley.

HAIRDRESSER If you can come up with a better hair styling studio name then go for it. Companion required. Must be willing to leave whole life behind and be available for introspection. Must speak cat. All inquiries directed to the mad man with the box.

Lost and Found: One LONG green self-writing quill with black strips and it seems to have a mind of its own. It tends to right about Drama and the rumors around town. Please come and claim this quill if it is yours i truly do not want to keep this quill any longer than I have to! - From Alicia Savannah Granger.

BUILD IT YOURSELF

Looking to build your magical company! Come to Alicia’s Advertising Adventures and we can help you with

every step to get you and your business noticed. Motorcycle for sale: Its is blue, black and runs great! it can fly and has a Speed setting on the front. It has a side car and it is still in great condition. It is the same motor bike owned by the famous sirius black! Please contact: Rubeus Hagrid at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Help Wanted. Applicants must have solid skills in Defensive and Offensive magic. Some familiarity with Muggle customs preferred by not necessary. We will train. Healing magic a plus. Must be willing to travel abroad. Discretion a must. Former Aurors need not apply.

Contact S. and D. Winchester with credentials.

WAND FOR HIRE

Companion required. Must be willing

to leave whole life behind and be available for introspection. Must speak cat. All inquiries directed to the mad man with the box.

FREE!!!

Car for the first Owl i receive from the Quibbler. This Muggle car, with an expansion charm, was seen a couple years ago in the newspapers flying around above Kings Cross station. It sadly only works enough to drive to London (3 hours) and back. The reason it is free is because it was seen flying and i do not want to have the Ministry find out it was me. I promise the Ministry of Magic will not fine you because i will sign the car over to you and then hide that paper from them. Please contact the Quibbler for them to send me an owl with your information. From that man that doesn’t want to be found.

Cauldron broken, Exploded or leaking! Come to Meg’s Magical Mending! We can fix almost everything wrong with your cauldron. This months special on caldron repair is only 9 Gallons ! Come now before the month ends and only at Meg’s Magical Mending!

The Safest place to save and keep your money in the wizarding community! Gringotts Bank Only in Diagon Alley! Opening a vault at Gringotts is easy! Just   ask one of our lovely goblin workers to assist you in this matter. Unfortunately, we are out of Dragon protection at the moment. ©Gringotts Bank

Enter, stranger, but take heed Of what awaits the sin of greed For those who take, but do not earn, Must pay most dearly in their turn. So if you seek beneath our floors A treasure that was never yours, Thief, you have been warned, beware Of finding more than treasure there.

Where Fantasy Becomes Reality!

When you step into the world of harry potter, where it all started, you can cast spells and choose a wand! The magic is real just as it flew oﬀ the page and into our imagination. Next thing the fans of harry potter have Hogwarts to go to and Hogsmeade to have ButterBeer at! Now 4 years latter Diagon Alley is ready to open. The fans are just as excited as Universal to let everyone into the park and show oﬀ their designing skills. Grab your house robes and your wands and get ready for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter Expansion opening July 8, 2014.

Muggles got you down? Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry there is a place were you can hangout with your fellow wizards in the muggle world. The Central Florida Slug Club is a group of Harry Potter fans from throughout Central Florida who meet to share their love of the world JK Rowling created. We even have conversations about other topics such as Sherlock and Doctor Who. We have a number of different meet up types - general social activities, discussion groups, a book club (for both Harry Potter and non-Harry Potter books), conventions, crafting sessions, game nights, and community volunteer work through the Harry Potter Alliance. One example of our meet up places is the Famous WizardingWorld of Harry Potter. We have gotten over 20 Potterheard's (Harry Potter fans) together at the new Diagon Alley! We cast spells through out Knockturn Alley and watched each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s backs as we did so. We rode the Hogwarts Express together to Hogsmeade and jumped for joy when we saw Hagrid! When we pulled into Hogsmeade Station, we noticed a large black carriage without a horse attached, but it moved! This place really is the magic that

we see in the books! The rest of the day we helped Muggles use their wands to cast spells in the window shops and enjoyed a round of butterbeer for all that came. The fun we have is just like magic; we all feel like we have been friends for years the second we meet each other. This is why the Slug Club is a perfect fit for any fellow Potterhead. We all believe that magic really does exists.

Upcoming Meetups: August 17th: Black Lake Pool Party & Water Qudditch September 1st: Hogwarts Express Ride & Start of Term Feast https://www.facebook.com/groups/CFSlugClub/events/

Written by: Kara Brown Approved by: Ashlynn Webb, Ministry of Magic Official. Sponsored by: Melissa, Heather and Stephanie.

t r o S a f o A Sort

Woe to this First Year who comes down the aisle; Alone, yet surrounded by strangers all the while. Dressed in his robes with his head held up high, He approaches the stool with a gleam in his eye.

" Professors and students all watching with joy, To see where the Sorting Hat places this boy. McGonagall standing with Hat in her hand, The boy takes a seat, his house already planned.

" Upon his small head the hat sets itself down, To ponder and mull on this new boy in town. It grunts and it grumbles while searching his mind, While onlookers wonder at what it will find.

" “””Gryffravenslytherpuff!!!””, the hat states with a boom, As silence and shock suddenly fill up the room. All eyes are agape, each quiet as a mouse, At the boy who the Hat could not seat in a house.

" And so, to this day, we still do not know, The name of this boy or where he would go. But one thing we’ve learned, as it has been told,

ter h c a W l e a h ic M y b n Writte and Wizardry hool of witchcraft

Do not trust a magical hat with a cold.

rts Professor at Hogwa

Dumbledore’s Army Reunites at Quidditch World Cup Final By the Daily Prophet’s Gossip Correspondent, Rita Skeeter There are celebrities – and then there are celebrities. We’ve seen many a famous face from the wizarding world grace the stands here in the Patagonian Desert – Ministers and Presidents, Celestina Warbeck, controversial American wizarding band The Bent-Winged Snitches – all have caused flurries of excitement, with crowd members scrambling for autographs and even casting Bridging Charms to reach the VIP boxes over the heads of the crowd. But when word swept the campsite and stadium that a certain gang of infamous wizards (no longer the fresh-faced teenagers they were in their heyday, but nevertheless recognizable) had arrived for the final, excitement was beyond anything yet seen. As the crowd stampeded, tents were flattened and small children mown down. Fans from all corners of the globe stormed towards the area where members of Dumbledore’s Army were rumored to have been sighted, desperate above all else for a glimpse of the man they still call the Chosen One.

The Potter family and the rest of Dumbledore’s Army have been given accommodation in the VIP section of the campsite, which is protected by heavy charms and patrolled by Security Warlocks. Their presence has ensured large crowds along the cordoned area, all hoping for a glimpse of their heroes. At 3pm today they got their wish when, to the accompaniment of loud screams, Potter took his young sons James and Albus to visit the players’ compound, where he introduced them to Bulgarian Seeker Viktor Krum. About to turn 34, there are a couple of threads of silver in the famous Auror’s black hair, but he continues to wear the distinctive round glasses that some might say are better suited to a style-deficient twelve-year-old. The famous lightning scar has company: Potter is sporting a nasty cut over his right cheekbone. Requests for information as to its provenance merely produced the usual response from the Ministry of Magic: ‘We do not comment on the top secret work of the Auror department, as we have told you no less than 514 times, Ms. Skeeter.’ So what are they hiding? Is the Chosen One embroiled in fresh mysteries that will one day explode upon us all, plunging us into a new age of terror and mayhem? Or does his injury have a more humble origin, one that Potter is desperate to hide? Has his wife perhaps cursed him? Are cracks beginning to show in a union that the Potters are determined to promote as happy? Should we read anything into the fact that his wife Ginevra has been perfectly happy to leave her husband and children behind in London whilst reporting on this tournament? The jury is out on whether she really had the talent or experience to be sent to the Quidditch World Cup (jury’s back in – no!!!) but let’s face it, when your last name is Potter, doors open, international sporting bodies bow and scrape, and Daily Prophet editors hand you plum assignments.

" As their devoted fans and followers will remember, Potter and Krum competed against each other in the controversial Triwizard Tournament, but apparently there are no hard feelings, as they embraced upon meeting (what really happened in that maze? Speculation is unlikely to be quelled by the warmth of their greeting). After half an hour’s chat, Potter and his sons returned to the campsite where they socialized with the rest of Dumbledore’s Army until the small hours. In the next tent are Potter’s two closest associates, the ones who know everything about him and yet have always refused to talk to the press. Are they afraid of him, or is it their own secrets they are afraid will leak out, tarnishing the myth of He Who Could Not Be Named’s defeat? Now married, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger were with Potter almost every step of the way. Like the rest of Dumbledore’s Army, they fought in the Battle of Hogwarts and no doubt deserve the plaudits and awards for bravery heaped upon them by a grateful wizarding world.

" In the immediate aftermath of the battle Weasley, whose famous ginger hair appears to be thinning slightly, entered into employment with the Ministry of Magic alongside Potter, but left only two years later to co-manage the highly successful wizarding joke emporium Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Was he, as he stated at the time, ‘delighted to assist my brother George with a business I’ve always loved’? Or had he had his fill of standing in Potter’s shadow? Was the work of the Auror. Department too much for a man who has admitted that the destruction of He Who Could Not Be Named’s Horcruxes ‘took its toll’ on him? He shows no obvious signs of mental illness from a distance, but the public is not allowed close enough to make a proper assessment. Is this suspicious? Hermione Granger, of course, was always the femme fatale of the group. Press reports of the time revealed that as a teenager she toyed with the young Potter’s affections before being seduced away by the muscular Viktor Krum, finally settling for Potter’s faithful sidekick. After a meteoric rise to Deputy Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, she is now tipped to go even higher within the Ministry, and is also mother to son, Hugo, and daughter, Rose. Does Hermione Granger prove that a witch really can have it all? (No – look at her hair.) Then there are those members of Dumbledore’s Army who receive slightly less publicity than Potter, Weasley and Granger (are they resentful? Almost certainly). Neville Longbottom, now a popular Herbology teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is here in Patagonia with his wife Hannah. Until recently the pair lived above the Leaky Cauldron in London, but rumor has it that Hannah has not only retrained as a Healer, but is applying for the job of Matron at Hogwarts. Idle gossip suggests that she and her husband both enjoy a little more Ogden’s Old Firewhisky than most of us would expect from custodians of our children, but no doubt we all wish her the best of luck with her application.

Last of the ringleaders of Dumbledore’s Army is, of course, Luna Lovegood (now married to Rolf Scamander, swarthy grandson of celebrated Magizoologist Newt). Still delightfully eccentric, Luna has been sweeping around the VIP section in robes composed of the flags of all sixteen qualifying countries. Her twin sons are ‘at home with grandpa’. Is this a euphemism for ‘too disturbed to be seen in public’? Surely only the unkindest would suggest so. Sundry other members of the Army are here, but it is on these six that most interest is focused. Wherever there is a red head one may make an educated guess that it belongs to a Weasley, but it is difficult to tell whether it is George (wealthy co-manager of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes), Charlie (dragon wrangler, still unmarried – why?) or Percy (Head of the Department of Magical Transportation – it’s his fault if the Floo Network’s too busy!). The only one who is easy to recognise is Bill who, poor man, is grievously scarred from an encounter with a werewolf and yet somehow (enchantment? Love potion? Blackmail? Kidnap?) married the undeniably beautiful (though doubtless empty-headed) Fleur Delacour. Word is that we shall see these and other members of Dumbledore’s Army in the VIP boxes at the final, adding to the glitz and razzmatazz of a gala occasion. Let us hope that the behaviour of two of their younger hangers-on does not embarrass them, heaping shame on those who have previously brought honour to the name of wizard.

" One always hesitates to invade the privacy of young people, but the fact is that anyone closely connected with Harry Potter reaps the benefits and must pay the penalty of public interest. No doubt Potter will be distressed to know that his sixteen-year-old godson Teddy Lupin – a lanky half-werewolf with bright blue hair – has been behaving in a way unbefitting of wizarding royalty since arriving on the VIP campsite. It might be asking too much that the always-busy Potter keep a tighter rein on this wild boy, who was entrusted to his care by his dying parents, but one shudders to think what will become of Master Lupin without urgent intervention. Meanwhile, Mr and Mrs Bill Weasley might like to know that their beautiful, blonde daughter Victoire seems to be attracted to any dark corner where Master Lupin happens to be lurking. The good news is both of them seem to have invented a method of breathing through their ears. I can think of no other reason how they have survived such prolonged periods of what, in my young day, was called ‘snogging.’ But let us not be severe. Harry Potter and his cohorts never claimed to be perfect! And for those who want to know exactly how imperfect they are, my new biography: Dumbledore’s Army: The Dark Side of the Demob will be available from Flourish and Blotts on July 31st.

©Pottermore

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