Feature

THE LOVE ISSUE rating dating apps, a new column on intimacy, speed dating & other stuff you’ll love to read about love rating dating apps

Five popular dating apps and our take on what they offer a single person in Central Oregon

By Trevor Bradford

As a single 20-something in Central Oregon, it’s pretty routine to download a dating app or two in the quest to cure a dreaded case of boredom. Whether looking for love, or something a bit more casual, here’s my take on what the most popular platforms have to offer if you’re looking for love this Valentine’s Day!

General vibe: The vibe of this app feels like Tinder’s feminist sister coming out to take over the dating scene. With women having more control over who they come in contact with, it gives both parties involved a little less worry about being "left on read."

Pros: The ability to access the app for free, the choice of dating, finding friends or making business associates and the idea that women message first! I consider women messaging first, a pro because unlike other apps with the chance to message first you never know who’s really interested. Whereas with Bumble your 100% sure she’s about it because she hit you up first.

Cons: A major con for Bumble around these parts happens to be the number of swipes you initially get when first installing the app. After skimming past a few profiles, users are hit with the dreaded “You’ve hit the end of the line – for today!” Plus, when only women are allowed to message first it can play devil’s advocate to the pros of getting women to message first.

A noteworthy success (or failure) story: Bumble has the same track record as Tinder for me. One time though, I went out with this girl to a fancy restaurant in Eagle, Idaho, and it was like taking a robot out to get drunk. I may just be judging a bit too hard, but any doctor will tell you Xanax and alcohol don’t mix well.

Grindr

General vibe: Having never used this app before it took a bit of research to find out the vibe users held for Grindr. Sitejabber.com listed Grindr as 12th among other gay dating sites and mentioned drug dealers, fake profiles and customer service as major issues.

Pros: According to sitejabber.com, if you’re looking for drugs you may find them.

Cons: The site is filled with drug dealers.

A noteworthy success (or failure) story: A now-deleted Reddit user posted a horror story about a hookup on Grindr that went south quick. Sex, lies and the police are a bit of background in this scandalous encounter. Visit this link to read the entire thread, reddit.com/r/grindr/comments/e2dfmr/my_grindr_story_ how_my_life_was_ruined_raising/.

Tinder

Plenty of Fish

General vibe: Being the oldest of all the apps in this conversation, Plenty of Fish gives off an early 2000s vibe for sure. After logging in, users are greeted with a ‘90s-style-blocky app that seems to only carry one type of woman. Older, country type. Or worse, scammers.

Pros: A definite pro for Plenty of Fish is the possibility of meeting a sugar mama.

Cons: Scammers, scammers and oh yeah, scammers!

A noteworthy success (or failure) story: The scammer stories span the internet when it comes to POF. YouTube is a great place to go check out barely readable texts from foreign countries who try to rip off poor lonely Americans who are only looking for love and attention.

Bumble

General vibe: From a Source contributor perspective, Tinder is strictly for hooking up and maybe finding a girlfriend if a sane, cute and non-drug addicted woman wanted to give me the time of day. I hope and pray that other inputs on the matter are different, but from some of these intro’s the old saying, women want it just as much as men, seems to be a true statement.

Pros: The pros of Tinder are extremely straight forward. Hit up attractive people, hang out and then go from there. DingDong, the witch is dead!

Cons: The cons of Tinder align with anything negative having to do with a smaller community – everybody knows each other! If you walk into Wal-Mart and see one or more of your Tinder matches, hastily delete the app. You live in a small city.

A noteworthy success (or failure) story: One time this chick came over and we Netflix n’ Chilled for the night. My experience with Tinder seems to mainly involve encounters of this sort. I call them successful, but it’s all about perspective.

Hinge

General vibe: Compared to other dating apps, Hinge seems to be for those actually looking for love and fulfilling relationships. Vidaselect.com suggests that the app is specifically designed for millennials looking for long-term relationships and not just hookups.

Pros: Hinge produces a more focused outlook on profiles their users may be interested in.

Cons: A major con for this app is that free users only get 10 likes, or swipes a day, which brings in the need for patience when finding love online.

A noteworthy success (or failure) story: Reddit is an excellent place to find both success and horror stories within the dating app world. Since Hinge is “designed to be deleted,” success stories could outweigh the horror. User “Genome-engineer” posted a thread about meeting her boyfriend on Hinge and literally deleting the app. The post continues by talking about an upcoming trip the couple plans on taking and ends with prayers and words of good luck to those reading. For the full posting visit, reddit.com/r/ hingeapp/comments/ef5gp7/hinge_success_story/.

Ellen Waterston’s column on ageism and ageing is back with a special Valentine’s Day edition

By Ellen Waterston

If you think the history of Valentine’s Day is all about cupids, roses and chocolates, think again. Though the origins are obscure, what is known is they had more to do with bacchanals and blood.

Blame it on the ancient Romans, who, for centuries, annually celebrated the fertility festival of Lupercalia on Feb. 14. Randy male revelers ran naked down the street wielding strips of rawhide from the hides of the dog and goat sacrificed for the feast day. Young women lined up to be whipped, believing it would make them more fertile. The fete concluded with a matchmaking raffle. Maidens placed their names in a big urn and the self-proclaimed bachelors drew one to pair with for the duration of the festival or longer if the match proved a good one.

The ancient Romans are also credited with beheading two saints, both named Valentine, both on Feb. 14, both during the 3rd Century A.D., but on two different years for two different reasons—one for protesting the emperor’s prohibition of young men getting married, figuring they made better soldiers if single, and the other for helping Christians escape from the nasty Roman prisons. By the time the 5th Century rolled around, Lupercalia had been outlawed as un-Christian by Pope Gelasius and, toward a more subdued substitute, the martyrdom of the two saints Valentine was lionized with the declaration of St. Valentine’s Day on Feb. 14.

By the Middle Ages the celebration of love begins to look more like the current Valentine’s Day. Poet Geoffrey Chaucer penned a Valentine poem in 1375:

“For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne’s day whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate.

William Shakespeare followed suit.

Tomorrow is Saint Valentine’s day, All in the morning betime, And I a maid at your window, To be your Valentine.”

During the Victorian era direct expressions of one’s feelings were discouraged so the new ready-made card helped, though some pent-up feelings were better left unsaid:

To my Valentine

‘Tis a lemon that I hand you And bid you now “skidoo,”

Because I love another –

There is no chance for you!

And today— jewelry, lingerie, flowers, gift cards and greeting card purchases total roughly $21 billion in the USA alone! As Valentine’s Day is observed by most countries around the world, what’s spent globally on wishin’, hopin’, thinkin’ and prayin’ has to be astounding.

But you don’t have to spend to celebrate your love. One affordable, delicious and intimate option is to cook a meal together…and not just any meal. The last one hundred pages of Isabel Allende’s “Aphrodite, A Memoir of the Senses” are dedicated to dishes claimed to have an aphrodisiac effect. The recipes are ones Allende’s mother cooked for decades but have been spiced up by her daughter based on Allende’s research of the history of food as love potion, from hors d’oeuvres (“…tickles and nibbles”) to desserts (“the happy ending”). The fun-loving author dedicates “these erotic meanderings to playful lovers and, why not? also to frightened men and melancholy women.”

But hold on! For many, one is not the loneliest number. To reinforce that message, Feb. 15 has been designated as National Singles Awareness Day, a day to raise a glass to yourself in celebration and confirmation of being more than enough. But if you’re determined to find a mate, best get with the social media program. There’s a slew of online dating sites for 65 and older, a slew of reviews. Talk to friends and find out what their experience is, which site they favor. All, regardless of age, seem to agree on one thing—it takes determination, conviction, staying power, intention, a nose for nonsense and a sense of humor. Anecdotal regional polling turns up a few entertaining takeaways. Women joke that men west of the Continental Divide favor images of themselves holding a large, freshly caught fish. There’s humorous speculation about what the subconscious message might be. Size matters? I’m a cold fish? I’m into catching and releasing or clubbing over the head and devouring? Both men and women seem to favor posing with their pooch. Apparently, there’s bad advice circulating about how to take a good selfie. What is it about bathrooms? So many photos of lonely hearts with a toilet in the background or a sink strewn with all sorts of undesirable information. Having said, those who don’t post a photo apparently don’t fare well. Those who don’t fill in all the blanks of information also trend poorly. Honestly, if you’re going to pay for the stress and trouble, might as well go for it!

Yes, the online dating process is more roulette than kismet. But happily single or desperately seeking Susan, we can say we’ve come a long way from Lupercalia…or have we?

Valentine’s Day Events

Looking for something to do with your sweetie? These are some of the happenings from the weekend into V-Day

By Trevor Bradford

FRIDAY-MONDAY

VALENTINE’S WEEKEND COUPLES MASSAGE CLASSES

Learn to rub your partner the right way this Valentine’s Day weekend! Get a lesson in how to deeply relax your partner with just your hands in a two or four-hour class. Slots limited to one couple per session. Fri-Mon., Feb. 11-12, 1 & 2pm. Taproot Bodywork Studio, 2709 NW Crossing Dr., Bend. $350.

VALENTINE’S WEEKEND: ROMANCE ON THE SNOW

Celebrate the day Oregon was granted statehood and Valentine’s Day snuggled up next to a fire. Bring a loved one and enjoy this unforgettable celebration of love and history. Fri-Mon., Feb. 11-12, 7pm. Wanderlust Tours, 61535 S Highway 97., Bend. $130.

SATURDAY 2/12

“LOVE IS…” A DINNER CABARET

In honor of all things love, savor a night of local musicians and fine dining courtesy of Chops Bistro. Note, if arriving before 7pm, there may be dinner patrons finishing up from earlier seating. Sat., Feb. 12, 7:30-10pm. Chops Bistro, 370 E Cascade Ave., Sisters. $20. people feel awful. The cards are cringy. Candy hearts taste like chalk. These comics are roasting Valentine’s Day because, as they say, someone has to stand up and admit it sucks. Sat., Feb. 12, 8-10pm. Craft Kitchen and Brewery, 62988 NE Layton Ave #103., Bend. $15.

HEART & SOUL

Valentine’s Day arrives early at the Domino Room. Mobile Dance Party brings local funk superstars, The Cutmen, to get us all grooving into the evening. Bring your sweetie along after dinner or come as a single looking to connect with other locals. Sat., Feb. 12, 8:30-11:59pm. The Domino Room, 51 NW Greenwood Ave., Bend. $9.

FAMILY YOGA VALENTINE’S EVENT

Gather the family together this holiday weekend to practice yoga and mindfulness in a loving group! During this fun event enjoy a variety of yoga sequences, poses and a whole lot more. Sun., Feb. 13, 10:30-11:45am. Free Spirit Yoga, 320 SW Powerhouse Dr. Suite 150., Bend. $14.

SUNDAY-MONDAY 2/13-2/14

GATHER SAUNA HOUSE VALENTINE’S DAY POP-UP EVENT

wood-fired sauna space, cold plunge, outdoor relaxation lounge, locally sourced tea and a warm moist towelette to finish the experience. Sun-Mon., Feb. 13-14. The Coyote Den, 64660 Cook Ave., Tumalo. $283.25.

MONDAY 2/14

ROMANTIC VALENTINE’S DINNER

Celebrate Valentine’s Day with amazing food! Bring a loved one to this romantic hands-on class where couples will prepare a threecourse dinner for two. As always, each course will be paired with wine. Mon., Feb. 14, 5:309pm. Kindred Creative Kitchen, 2525 NE Twin Knolls Dr., Bend. $165.

SUNRIVER MUSIC FESTIVAL VALENTINE’S DINNER & DANCE

Boogie with your Valentine to one of the premier dance bands in the Pacific Northwest, the Blue Skies Big Band. The festival also includes a happy hour and dinner along with the concert. Mon., Feb. 14, 5-8:30pm. Sunriver Resort Great Hall, 17600 Center Dr., Sunriver. $90.

VALENTINE’S DAY BRUNCH

14, 9-11:30am. Jefferson County Senior Center, 860 SW Madison St., Madras. Free.

MONDAY 2/14

A LADY AND THE TRAMP VALENTINE’S DINNER

Flights Wine Bar is hosting a romantic evening based off the menu of a classic love story. The meal will include five courses and also champagne for attending couples. Reservations are required. Mon., Feb. 14, 4-8:30pm. Flights Wine Bar, 1444 NW College Way Suite 1., Bend. $150.

VALENTINE’S DINNER AT THE ANNEX

Invite your honey—and maybe some friends—to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a romantic fourcourse elevated camp chef meal. Mon., Feb. 14, 6pm. General Duffy’s Waterhole, 404 SW Forest Ave., Redmond. $55.

FRIDAY 2/18

THE CULT OF TUCK PRESENTS: NOT ANOTHER VALENTINE’S DAY SHOW

For one day a year the Cult of Tuck wants to spread love to all in both a platonic and romantic way. This is not an ANTI Valentine’s Day show, but it isn’t a typical Valentine’s Day show, either. Fri., Feb. 18, 9-11:45pm. Volcanic Theatre Pub, 70 SW Century Dr., Bend. $20.