RELIGION

says, “Above all, love each other deeply,” and Romans 12:10 encourages us, “Be devoted to one another in love; honor one another above yourselves.”

Instead of merely shifting the tone of self-focus from selfhate to self-love as popular culture tends to encourage, the Bible urges a shift from self-focus as a whole to other-focus, other-love. It’s not that self-respect or even self-enjoyment is wrong. These traits are held by mature Christians, but they are not the complete picture of true victory over self-hate. In leaving self-hate behind, self-respect is not our only profit. There is more to emotional well-being than the attitude we have toward ourselves. In fact, the joy of leaving self-hatred behind isn’t just that we finally get to discover ourselves or embrace the parts of us that used to make us cringe — it’s that the emotional energy we used to spend on a hyper-focused concern for ourselves can now be spent elsewhere. Free from self-hate, we can funnel our attention towards other activities or goals. We can discover other people, enjoy them and invest in them. Maybe that is where we will find the most love for ourselves — when we finally forget ourselves enough to really love the people around us.

“Would God really encourage a life philosophy that focuses on the self’s needs first and puts others second?”