The Spectrum, Volume 59, Issue 68

HAMILTON FINALLY GETS NOD Pag

e

|

20

WILL SMITH TO HEAD SUMMMER FEST Pag

The Spectrum

e

5

h t t p : / / w w w . u b s p e c t r u m . c o m

April 1, 2010

Volume 59 Issue 68

A top-notch publication of the University at Buffalo

Black to take leave of absence

By GIOVANNA PECORE Life & Friends Editor

Dennis Black, vice president of student affairs for the University at Buffalo, held a press conference on Monday where he announced he would be taking a leave of absence from duties Courtesy of UB News Services Right: Dennis Black spoke at a

press conference on Friday, where he announced his intent to take a leave of absence for the rest of the year.

effective April 1.

“It’s come to the point in my life where I need to stop messing around and follow my dreams,” Black said. “I’ve achieved my goals in the professional domain, and now I need to go for the physical domain.”

The Student Affairs Administrators in Higher Education awarded Black the 2010 Fred Turner Award for outstanding service on March 9.

“It was a huge honor,” Black said. “But this is as far as I want

to go with UB.” Bored with his well aboveaverage appea ra nce a nd numerous carnal conquests, Black has shifted his attention away from the drab undergraduate community and has set sail for something a bit more otherworldly.

Black has recently announced his intent to participate in the 62nd National Amateur Body Builders’ Association Universe see BLACK page 12

UB announces plans of rural campus, new academic programs

By MATT EMM Supreme Editor

Although in his press conference on Monday President Simpson said UB2020 is in jeopardy, the esteemed leader of UB has no plans of slowing down. He stated during the conference that building a state-of-the-art downtown medical campus is crucial to the future of UB and the economic stability of Western New York.

He also spoke, for the first time in public, about plans to expand the campus even further.

The plan calls for heading north, well beyond the Amherst boundaries of North Campus.

This will create the Wilson Campus, home to the University at Buffalo’s agriculture, marine and wildlife program.

Simpson chose to locate the program in the town of Wilson and surrounding areas, saying the town was “perfect for what UB is looking for.”

Over the next 10 years, UB will pump an estimated $450 million into the area, and is expected to create hundreds of jobs.

“We plan on really amping up the Western New York economy,” Simpson said to thunderous applause.

He then explained the strategy behind choosing Wilson, which has plenty of farming land, outdated infrastructure and underused access to many local streams, ponds and the largest

Katie Carlett/ The Spectrum

President John Barclay Simpson has announced the creation of UB’s fourth campus, the Wilson Campus.

body of water in the WNY region – Lake Ontario.

“Access to the water was overwhelmingly the key to why Wilson was picked,” Simpson said enthusiastically, while pointing out the small town on a map to confused supporters of UB2020 who had never heard of the town. “Not only is there thousands of acres for farming,

A not so common place

the potential for hundreds of barns for cows and other animals, but we can also focus our program on fresh water marine biology.”

Tuscarora State Park, which is already suited with a boat launch site and docks, will be the gateway to Lake Ontario and several streams and creeks. The park, which has come under recent threat of closing along with many other

By TONYA BATE

Asst. Life Editor

Staff Reporter

Many students were still in high school when the end of an era rang through the University at Buffalo.

The student body had worn out PJ Bottoms for decades – the bar, not the bedtime garment – and enjoyed the “food, booze, and boogie” with their notorious $0.10 chicken wings, $3 bottles of Labatts, and disorderly crowd belting “Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison until the sun came up.

Daniel Focher, an urban planning graduate student, says he will never forget PJ’s “wings.”

“They were amazing,” Focher said. “Plump, jumbo, sashaying – whatever adjectives you want to apply – they were pure bliss. And the chicken wings were great, too.”

Focher might be referring to another aspect of the bar’s infamous existence – a hangout for salacious underage college students looking to pick up incoming freshman meat.

Unfortunately, this was what eventually led

Finally.

On Tuesday, Ca mpus Dining & Shops announced that after intense pressure from Student Association, the organization will begin accepting credit cards at all of its locations.

This decision has left many students feeling that for once, their requests to the university have been met.

Janelle Limber, a junior psychology major, is excited for the new changes.

“I have been waiting for two years for this change in the meal plan. I never really got a meal plan because I felt they were a waste of money,” Limber said. “I always have to

Inside: Arts and Stuff ......... 5 Classifieds ............ 19 Funyuns ................ 3 Sport .................... 20 Police Blotter ...... 11

Sam Zakalik/ The Spectrum

A new generation of students will make PJ Bottoms their hangout at its new home in the Commons.

to PJ’s demise.

On Dec. 15, 2005, the State Liquor Authority raided the bar located on 3270 Main St. Charges were brought against 20 minors for underage drinking and three bartenders who were accused of serving them alcohol.

REAL AMERICAN Gary Allen Yellowstone wants you to know THE TRUTH.

See Page 3

see WILSON page 12

CDS begins to accept credit cards

By JESSICA DIGENNARO

see BOTTOMS page 9

state parks throughout the state, will be home to the marine and wildlife study institution.

Simpson said the program would expand the Wilson Harbor to accommodate for the fleet of boats UB will need to purchase. The boats, which will range from tiny rafts to 30-foot fishing vessels, are fully equipped with the latest and greatest technology.

Classes will be available to students and to the public for boat training and safety lessons, and will be a requirement for all marine biology students.

“Lake Ontario is probably one of the most unexplored of the great lakes,” Simpson said.

“We plan on finding out a lot about the local ecology and giving our marine biology students the best hands-on experience possible.”

Which is why the program also calls for the constant use of a university helicopter.

“If we find any new species or life forms, we will need to immediately fly them back to the labs,” said Dr. Bill Cummingstein, who is the prospective dean of the new school. “The 45-minute drive may damage the specimen beyond the point of useful study.”

Plans are in the works to acquire two used Huey transport helicopters from the U.S. Army and to build a helipad on top of Cooke Hall, where labs will be created for

Rob Schulz/ The Spectrum

Students will soon be able to use their credit cards to pay for meals at on-campus locations.

make sure I have cash because without it I couldn’t eat on campus.”

Limber isn’t the only

student that felt this way. In a recent poll, 83 percent of see CARDS page 12

WIN FREE TUITION

Petroleums:

UB is giving away free tuition for a year to 100 lucky students.

Will you be one of them?

Reg: 3.07 9/10 high / 2.89 9/10 low Plus: 3.05 9/10 high / 3.04 9/10 low

See Page 17

Sup: 3.17 9/10 high / 3.15 9/10 low

2

Spectrum Ad:Layout 1 3/29/10 1:51 PM Page 1

Visions The Spectrum Online Blog

March 31, 2010

ADVERTISEMENT

* Disclaimer - Happy April Fools Day UB. Call Collegiate Village at 833.3700 or visit us at cvwny.com to find out what awesome amenities CV actually offers (but it would be cool to live in a castle).

Buffalo Student Apartments Apartments Include: > > > > >

Hawaiian punch fountains Petting Zoo & Theme Park Maids and Personal Chefs Water Beds Helper Monkey on call 24/7

NOTE: Alligator infested moats no longer available.

6 Affinity Lane • Buffalo, NY 14215 >> GPS…391 Eggert Road • Buffalo, NY 14215 <<

SPA

SHUTTLES TO CAMPUS

RECREATION

OUTDOOR POOL

PRIVATE BATHROOMS

THEME PARK

www.CVWNY.com • 716-833-3700

The Rolling Spectrum Stone

March 31, Marth 31, 2010 2010

Members Only Club King of Kings King Hippo The Minions DJ Squid Their/There/They’re/Thurr Tom Hanks Financial Adviser Jacob “Richie Rich” Shillman That One Desk Craigslist Queen Who? The Keyboard Killa That Other Desk Matza Ball Soup The See-Saw Hood Rat Hustle Swag Queen Crazy Mother F*****s Buck Angel Sweet Baby Hills Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Heir To The Filing Cabinet Jason Lee Nobody Cares .

Tim Gunn Baby Sheep Pocahontas The Eighth Dwarf The Dream Team The Future Grandpa P Blue Steel Luke Skywalker Smoothie Queen Do Your Job XXX CMYK The Big Faaabulous Red Dog Moose Pants They Make Us Look Smart Forrest Gardens Third Wave Tough As Nails In-House Ninja ????????????

The Other People Village Drunk Deborah Smithe Lead Chef Sara Lee Emperor of Ads Benjamin Netanyahu He Makes Ads Pretty Van Wilder Creative.......Hey Have You Seen This Video? Diners!

Womens! Snuff Films!

John Hinkley and the Web Boys

The views expressed — both written and graphic — in the Feedback, Opinion, and Perspectives sections of The Spectrum do not necessarily reflect the views of the editorial board. Submit contributions for these pages to The Spectrum office at Suite 132 Student Union or spectrum-editorial@buffalo.edu.

The Spectrum reserves the right to edit these pieces for style or length. If a letter is not meant for publication, please mark it clearly as such. All submissions must include the author’s name, daytime phone number and e-mail address.

The Spectrum is provided free by the Undergraduate Mandatory Activity Fee

MARCH 31, 2010 APRIL FOOLS ISSUE VOLUME 59 NUMBER 68 CIRCULATION: 10,000 The Spectrum is represented for national advertising by 360 Youth.

The Spectrum offices are located in 132 Student Union, UB North Campus, Buffalo, NY 14260-2100.

Telephone: (716) 645-2468.

Fax: (716) 645-2766.

Copyright 2010 Buffalo, N.Y. The Spectrum is printed by Buffalo Newspress PO Box 648, Buffalo, NY 14240-0648.

May contain peanuts.

THE

3

TH I N K TA N K

Language swap United States adopts Spanish as official language En un movimiento sorprendente martes por la noche, el Presidente Barack Obama ha cambiado el idioma oficial de los Estados Unidos del Inglés al Español. Este es, sin lugar a dudas, una medida sumamente progresista.

Comentarios de los demócratas y los republicanos muestran apoyo unilateral a la medida. Ambas partes citado movimiento que no sólo beneficia a las generaciones futuras de estadounidenses, pero la mejora de la calidad de la educación para los estudiantes americanos de hoy.

Un estudio realizado en 2005 por el Centro de Investigación Pew, en Washington, DC de reflexión, que se encuentra que para el año 2050, la población de los Estados Unidos aumentará 296 millones a 438 millones de personas.

Eso es una tremenda racha de crecimiento en la población. El estudio arrojó que el 82 por ciento de ese aumento sería de los inmigrantes que llegan a los Estados Unidos.

La cara y la cultura de Estados Unidos está cambiando. No hay forma de evitar eso. Durante más de medio siglo, Estados Unidos ha ordenado el mundo para aprender la lengua nativa de los americanos. Por una vez, no sería terrible si los estadounidenses se volvieron más cultivadas por aprender nuevas lenguas.

Otra de las razones por qué esto es una cosa buena es que Estados Unidos tiene una necesidad estratégica para el aprendizaje de nuevas lenguas.

Estados Unidos está a la vanguardia de una guerra internacional contra el terrorismo. Los enemigos de todo el mundo son las posibles amenazas a los activos estadounidenses en el país y el extranjero.

Varias agencias de inteligencia tienen necesidades cada vez mayor de expertos para descifrar

el lenguaje de inteligencia crítica que puede salvar vidas estadounidenses.

Casi una quinta parte de los Estados Unidos se compondrá de los inmigrantes. La población latina de los Estados Unidos es el mayor grupo minoritario en el país hoy. Su población se triplicará en tamaño para el año 2050, según el estudio Pew. No es de extrañar que el gobierno quiere adoptar el español como idioma oficial. No hay nada malo con los niños ser bilingües. ¿Cómo puede alguien decir que no a una mayor educación?

En todo caso, estas medidas empujar al país aún más para reparar su imagen en la comunidad internacional. Al abrir la puerta a un bilingüe América nos pondrá en un campo de juego con muchos de nuestros aliados europeos.

A su vez, muchos de los aliados de este país se vería con buenos ojos este paso por los Estados Unidos. Se podría fomentar alianzas más fuertes, más fáciles de negociaciones comerciales e incluso hacer más fácil los procesos de paz.

Habrá un período de ajuste. Pero una vez más, el país tiene mucho que ganar al hacer un cambio tan pequeño. Naciones son entidades en constante evolución, y la belleza de este país es que es heterogéneo. diferencias entre las personas, las diversas culturas que conforman América, son las razones por las cuales todos los países del planeta es envidia de nosotros. Este es el núcleo de los Estados Unidos.

Un simple cambio en la lengua nativa es más que simbólica - que realmente se beneficiarán de este país, no sólo mediante la educación de la juventud de Estados Unidos, sino a través de una señal al mundo que Estados Unidos está aquí para quedarse.

UB2020 becomes UB2080 Update to campus is pushed back … again When college budgets are slashed, boy, do states know how to slash. In light of the most recent budget cuts from the SUNY system, UB officials are in scramble mode.

Due to a strain in funding, the university officials will be delaying UB’s expansion till the funding comes through, which, by their estimates, could be as early as 2050, and construction could be completed by 2080.

The main focus of the UB 2080 plan would be to expand all three campuses and build a medical campus in downtown Buffalo, while at the same time expanding the student and teacher population on campus.

The plan requires upwards of $5 billion in funding.

Unfortunately, the global economic downturn and continuous cuts from the New York State government have made the procurement of funds that much harder. The delay will cause the expansion of new libraries and new dorms to be put on hold.

Students will have to incur higher costs. But again, remember, these funds will make student life better for all.

Now of course, the downside to all the expansion and the delays is that the project has already been set into motion. Construction that was begun on UB’s North Campus near Bell Hall has led to greater traffic in the area.

Another problem with the delay is that UB needs this change now, not in two decades. The libraries are inadequately equipped to benefit the student population – not to mention the rather dull design of campus.

UB’s facelift will launch the university as a premier research institution. The plan calls for North Campus to be the “intellectual core” of the university. The biggest additions will be a new strip along Lee Road filled with restaurants, off-campus apartments and retail stores.

South Campus will be restructured within the guidelines of four disciplines — law, education, social work and architecture and planning. A series of strategically placed demolitions will allow the campus to be reshaped and more efficiently used.

The campus population will rise above the 8,000 mark between faculty, staff and students.

Although the actual expansion of South Campus will be smaller than those of the other campuses, it will receive no less attention.

Its implementation will be done in phases to avoid hindering campus activities.

Although the plan is still in its early stages, one thing remains clear: university officials must fight for every dollar and the execution of the plan.

In fact, members of the administration should lobby the state legislature for the money immediately. If not, UB could fall dangerously behind other institutions that have better absorbed the economic downturn.

The University at Buffalo can ill afford any delay to this plan. Pushing UB 2020 back to 2080 would be a dangerous thing; in fact, it could seriously damage the university.

After all, the plan not only revitalizes the university, but could provide the jolt the greater Western New York area could use to revitalize itself as well.

And everyone can agree – that is priceless.

Greetings from the world of tomorrow Yes, by combining the simple ingredients of antimatter, a Prius and a slightly used VHS copy of 3 Ninjas Kick Back, we the people of the future have developed time travel.

The people of the United States of Newmerica have sent me back to your time to write this opinion column. I have traveled through many years to give you a warning by offering a glimpse into your future and the things that will come to pass.

For some of you, there is good news. What remains of the United States government is no longer a two-party system. Instead, the JOR-HILL House and Senate are Arts Editor... of the FUTURE! home to well over a thousand different political parties.

It started with the event that caused Glenn Beck to drown in his own tears – the passing of the Health Care Reform Bill of 2010. The bill was far from perfect, but if it did anything right, it was to push forward in the fight to help update a very defunct system. The bill would only serve to drive the parties apart even farther.

Soon, the Democrats and the Republicans will find themselves not serving the interests of the people of the United States, but instead, chasing after some sort of abstract idea. Both parties will eventually change their names to Liberal and Conservative, respectively, each trying to mold the country under one view.

These acts will drive out many the moderates of both parties. The dispelled moderates will form many different parties, while others will split off from the Liberal and Conservative parties, believing that are not extreme enough.

It was during this internal strife within the major parties that a dogmatic libertarian was able to seize see JOR-HILL page 13

Not in my country God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

That is the simplest way to explain why the homosexuals in this country need to understand that gay marriage is just not feasible. The fight should be over, and they should go back to being fabulous hairdressers and designers.

It is true that every person has the right to be happy with the person he or she loves, except homosexuals.

This is as true as the fact that gay people are better athletes than white people.

For some reason, this minority of the greater public is under the impression that they are like any other citizen of these great United States and should be allowed to get the benefits of marriage.

That is just un-American.

If gay marriage were made legal, what would they call each other, husband and husband or wife and wife? Oh, the humanity!

Think of what that would do to the children? Will you please just think of Gary Allen Yellowstone the children?

Real American Hero Straight people in this country who support gay marriage are not only turning their backs on what is right, but also showing that they failed to learn the lessons that Franklin J. Schaffner’s cinematic masterpiece, Planet of the Apes, tried to teach.

Although it has been widely believed that the film criticized mankind’s feelings of superiority and strong religious beliefs, I think it is obvious that Schaffner wanted viewers to see the atrocious results of giving everyone equal rights. The acclaimed director was ahead of his time and knew that giving homosexuals the right to get married would result in the demise of society as we know it.

The film shows that once the gay community is given all of the same rights as the upstanding straight community, it will overthrow those in power and see YELLOWSTONE page 13

HEY, YOU! YEAH, YOU! READ THIS: We’re just going to throw this out there. THIS ISSUE IS A LIE. A BIG, FAT LIE! Nothing, with the exception of our advertisements, is real. Absolutely nothing. Not one single solitary thing is. If you believe any of it, we applaud you, but most importantly, we will pity your soul.

Real news will be back on Friday.

4

The Spectrum GQ ADVERTISEMENT

March 31, 2010

Generation The Spectrum Magazine

March 31, 2010

5

LI F E & AR T S Study abroad program expands New Jersey now option for interested students

By VANESSA FRITH Asst. Arts Editor

Through the study abroad program at UB, students have been able to broaden their horizons in cultural hubs across the globe. Yet there is one area that had, until now, gone unexplored by the wandering feet of undergrads.

With ethnic diversity sprawling over from the vibrant metropolis just across its borders, this land boasts thriving industrial and agricultural aspects, as well as a history that is filled with technological innovation but also still seeps back to colonial foundations.

There can only be one place that is fit to hold such credentials and it lies but a few hundred miles southeast of the Queen City. Starting next semester, UB will be sending students to the fine upstanding academic

institutions of the great state of New Jersey.

After much deliberation, it was deemed that the daily life of an average New Jerseyan was so foreign and exotic that it could qualify for the program. Wonders will abound for the traveling student.

On the descent into Newark Liberty International Airport, the flight attendant will welcome passengers to the garden state with a knowing chuckle. Out the window, a strange new world of snaking pavement twists out of sight, traversed only by those who relish tempting fate.

Students will want to quickly vacate the Newark area before an untimely demise in the slums. Traveling down the N.J. Turnpike at Audubon speeds, bridges and factories will obscure one’s vision until the designated exit – every town has one – pops up and the car squeals off into the never-ending suburbs.

Once the student navigates the slippery slopes of the “Joisey” accent, the sights and sounds can be explored. Day trips are numerous.

By SHANE FALLON Life Editor

Students relying on public transportation to get around will be pleased with the new opportunities offered by the University at Buffalo.

The UB Stampede, which until recently travelled only between North and South Campus, is expanding its route to include features in the surrounding suburbs. The infamous Mall Bus, which operates Wednesdays and Saturdays and stops at Tops on Maple Road, Wegmans, and the Boulevard Mall, will soon include the Walden Galleria.

The bus will run every 15 minutes and can be recognized by the market and mall signs on the bus’s exterior.

Maria Wallace, director of Parking and Transportation Services, is pleased with the Stampede’s new transportation routes.

“We’ve had these plans in motion for a long time, but we wanted it to be a surprise for the students. I know how boring North Campus can be, and without a car I understand how students sometimes need to get out and go somewhere,” Wallace said.

In addition, the Anti-Rape Task Force safety shuttle will be expanding its services to include any and all destinations in Amherst, the city of Buffalo and Canada, as far as the Toronto city limit.

This new travel plan is a vast improvement over the old rules, which limited eager travelers to destinations in a 1.5 mile radius from South Campus.

The northeastern portion of the state can walk students through every scene from The Sopranos as they encounter the famous Italian immigrants and their tangled web of mob connections. Watch for the telltale signs of a guido – the slicked back hair, the tiny, tightfitting shirts and the gold chains. If they’re lucky, visitors might be able to take a photo of this strange and exquisite creature.

If feelings of homesickness surface in this strange environment, the cure rests in the heart of the Meadowlands. Be ready to attend a Jets or Giants game at the newly created Meadowlands Stadium.

Environmental classes are offered out in the heart of the Jersey Shore.

This area can also be used for recreational swimming, but the hypodermic needles littering the beaches may be a turn-off. Instead of going for a dip, students can head to the Jersey Shore house, which is surely heading toward historical landmark status by now. Meet Snooki, a local guide and Jersey

connoisseur who will tell the tales of how the home was once a haven for slaves trying to escape through the Underground Railroad.

However, food is plentiful and easy to come by in this strange area. Pizza and bagels abound, and 24-hour diners are around almost every corner.

While leaving the last diner of the night, it’s possible to see the sunrise behind the Manhattan skyline. That’s if the factories have

Getting around town

Courtesy of UB 2020 30 40 NEVER

The improvements to the ARTF shuttle and the UB Stampede routes will soon allow students to roam Buffalo and cross into Canada effortlessly.

Bugs Bunny delivers another slam-dunk

By JAMESON BUTLER Asst. Arts Editor

Space Jam 2: Monstarz Ball A+++ Everybody get up. It’s time to slam … again.

Bugs Bunny and the rest of the Looney Tunes are putting their kicks back on and taking it to the court for a second time in Space Jam 2: Monstarz Ball.

After being tied to the rocket that had been his prison for 13 years, Mr. Swackhammer (Danny Devito, Solitary Man) has a little bit more than a bone to pick with his unfaithful Monstarz.

In retaliation for their disobedience and their blossoming friendship with the Looney Tunes, Swackhammer designs a flawless plan – to kidnap Michael Jordan.

When the Looney Tunes discover that their good friend has gone missing, Swackhammer appears and presents them with a proposition: a re-match against his

Nicole Polizzi / Ortley Beach Historical Society

Students now have the option of studying abroad at a formerly inaccessible foreign locale: New Jersey.

Courtesy of American Zoetrope

LeBron swoops in to save the day in Space Jam 2: Monstarz Ball.

new team, “The Monstarz.”

Left with no other option, Bugs Bunny (himself, Bah Humduck!: A Looney Tunes Christmas) accepts the deal, not knowing what Swackhammer has in store for them.

Using a more cunning tactic than the first time around, Swackhammer steals the talent of five NBA superstars: Kobe Bryant, Gilbert Arenas, Dwayne Wade, Dwight Howard and see MONSTARZ page 7

spontaneously shut down and the wind is going in the right direction.

But that never happens.

As the toxins slowly seep into students who get a taste of New Jersey, they can at least take solace in the fact that, while they watch the landfills rise higher around them, they can relax as someone else pumps their gas.

E-mail: arts@ubspectrum.com

Jane Fischer, director of SBI Health Services, which runs the ARTF shuttle, spearheaded the new transportation plans. “[The ARTF van] is famous around campus, but we get a lot of complaints about not being able to take students as far as they want to go.

By expanding the range of the van, we can please a lot more of the student body, as well as promote safety,” Fischer said.

PTS and Health Services have come up with an efficient way of making this new program run cohesively, without too much money coming out of UB’s budget.

“With the money that came from [Methods of Inquiry] being shut down, UB had a surplus, and it was handed over to us. We thought, ‘What’s better to do with our money than help students get from party to party, bar to bar, safely?’” Fischer said.

Understandably, student response to the new transportation opportunities on campus has been very positive.

“That sounds really great. I used to take the Stampede to the Boulevard Mall all the time when I was a freshman and thought it was totally lame. The Galleria is so much better, but since I don’t have a car, it’s pretty hard for me to get there. It’s a great improvement; the Galleria has a much better selection of corsets and petticoats than the Boulevard,” said Jane Austen, a junior English major.

Courtney Thompson, a senior communications major, liked the new Stampede and see STAMPEDE page 7

Summer Fest 2010 acts announced

By ERIC HILLIKER Arts Editor Just days after announcing its stellar lineup for Spring Fest, the Student Association is ready to unleash a brand new event. It is sure to put both Spring and Fall Fest to shame.

After weeks of closed door meetings, hundreds of thousands of dollars spent, and possibly one or two awkward favors, the SA is proud to present, for the first time ever, Summer Fest 2010.

In continuing such long-running traditions as the other Fests, a concert will be held during the titular season for students attending summer courses. Summer Fest grew out of a need for an event for students taking these classes.

“I would like this to be my swan song,” said SA President Ernesto Alvarado, “my final gift to the students.”

Summer Fest will boast the longest lineup of stars in UB Fest history. Plans have set the concert to be two-day festival. Acts range from rock to hip-hop and even some comedy.

Headlining the first day will be all American Psycho enthusiasts’ favorite band, Huey Lewis and the News, with legendary hip hop group Kid ’N Play.

Joining the headliners will be a multitude of music gems, including Aaron Carter, everyone’s favorite Internet interruption Rick Astley, the mariachi band from my cousin

Courtesy of Vivian and Philip Banks

Will Smith will be headlining the second day of UB’s inaugural Summer Fest.

Steve’s wedding, Dio, and that dude who sings “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night.” Classic new wave band Flock of Seagulls is still in contract talks.

Opening the show will be superstar comedian Sinbad.

The real surprise came when SA announced who will headline the second day. Will Smith, who is determined

see FEST page 7

6

International The Spectrum Herald Tribune

March 31, 2010

The Ebony Spectrum

March 31, 2010

7

Left oven on

Alvarado removed from office

FEST from page 5

By COURTNEY BADD Staff Reporter

As the academic year comes to an end, so does Ernesto Alvarado’s Student Association presidency — but not because he’s graduating.

On March 23, according to an incident report provided to The Spectrum by the University Police Department (UPD), SA President Ernesto Alvarado was arrested for allegedly assaulting Stephen Marth, a senior English major and The Spectrum’s editor-in-chief, in the Student Union on North Campus. Marth suffered severe injuries as a result of the alleged assault.

“I don’t know why Ernesto attacked me,” Marth said.

“He is usually a very calm person.”

Alvarado would not comment on the alleged assault, which he admitted to in an apology on his Twitter account following his arrest.

“Sorry,” Alvarado tweeted.

According to Alvarado’s Twitter, Marth provoked the attack by personally attacking Alvarado. The comments have since been removed from the account.

“I made no personal attack,” Marth said. “I have a witness who can attest to the fact. Also, the police report doesn’t even mention anything. There’s a statement [by Alvarado] where it doesn’t state any personal attack.”

Marth admitted to being rude to Alvarado following a confrontation following the SA election debate earlier this month, where Alvarado wanted the remaining slice of complementary pizza, but Marth saw it first. A few days later, after another confrontation in the SU, the alleged assault occurred.

“I told him to get out of my way, which I will own up to, because he was in general very rude to me and getting kind of pushy,” Marth said. “It’s so high-schoolish, but there was one piece of pizza and I saw it first again. I went for it and that’s when he attacked.”

A witness, who has asked for anonymity due to fear of Alvarado’s fighting skills, gave the same story. “[Alvarado] was standing in the way of [Marth], who said ‘Move,’ which [Alvarado] did,” the witness said.

“One of the girls that [Alvarado] was with said ‘Rude,’ and [Marth] replied with, ‘Yeah, well, I’m freakin’ hungry.’”

According to the witness, the alleged assault then followed. The witness broke up Alvarado and Marth when both men began slapping each other and crying,

Ernesto Alavarado and then notified UPD of the alleged assault.

The event has sparked many student leaders on campus, including those in SA, to push for Alvarado’s removal from office.

According to Greg Robbins, SA vice president, an extremely secret midnight society meeting was held following the incident, where SA leaders discussed what really went down between the two men. Following the meeting, Robbins suggested to Alvarado that he resign so he could focus on his personal issues stemming from the incident.

“Someone who is representing the student body needs to be held to a higher standard,” Robbins said. “What he did represents SA poorly and he needs to be held accountable.”

Alvarado’s mother, who attended the secret meeting in order to hear every detail of the assault before deciding her son’s punishment, was very upset at the thought of Alvarado being kicked out of office.

“He surely won’t get dessert for a week and most certainly will not be watching any Project Runway for two whole months,” Mrs. Alvarado said. “But my poor baby shouldn’t get fired.”

Unfortunately for Mrs. Alvarado, university administrators didn’t really care and fired him anyway. Officials agreed that since there have been way too many elections this year already, Hassan Farah can just have his job back.

E-mail: news@ubspectrum.com

Lack of practice MONSTARZ from page 5 Nate Robinson.

As game day approaches, the Looney Toons show their lack of practice over the past 13 years, and since the Monstarz no longer have the talent they once possessed, Bugs Bunny knows they are in trouble.

After disguising themselves as Shaq, Bugs and Daffy Duck (himself, Bah Humduck!: A Looney Tunes Christmas) break into the Cleveland Cavaliers’ locker room to recruit the help of King James himself.

Reluctant at first, LeBron waits till the day of the big match to help the Looney Tunes, getting there in the nick of time.

Right from tip-off, it is clear that the Looney Tunes are outmatched.

Their lack of practice and Porky Pig’s (himself, Bah, Humduck!: A Looney Tunes Christmas) ever-apparent drug use shines as the Monstarz take the early lead.

In response to a tear-jerking speech LeBron gives at the end of the first quarter, the Looney Tunes cut the deficit to four by halftime.

Tensions started to boil over in the Monstarz locker room at halftime, so Swackhammer gives his team what he calls his “happy pills.”

The Monstarz feel a second wind almost immediately and are determined to take out all the Looney Tunes … permanently.

Learning about the opposing team’s evil plan, LeBron informs the Looney Tunes, who start dodging the attacks and establish a big lead by the end of the third quarter.

Frustrated and tired, the Monstarz become irritated with each other and the tension climaxes as the Monstar that stole Gilbert Arenas’s abilities pulls a gun on his teammates, primarily the Nate Robinson Monstar.

Claiming that Nate Robinson was too selfish with the ball and talked too much smack about his own teammates, Arenas blasts Robinson away.

Immediately after, the cops bust into the gym and take down Arenas.

During his questioning, Arenas is forced to take a drug test. When the test results return, Arenas is questioned about steroids. When Arenas clearly doesn’t know anything about it, the rest of the Monstarz are tested and questioned.

After a 45-minute Law and Orderesque investigation, Swackhammer is arrested for giving his players steroids and physically abusing his players, and is sentenced to three years at Club Gitmo.

The acting in Space Jam 2: Monstarz Ball is nothing short of Oscar-worthy. Bugs Bunny does an amazing job portraying the fear of having your good friend abducted by aliens.

One moment he has you slapping your knee, the next he has you grabbing some tissues. This role is by far the best performance in his long and vibrant career.

Along with the high-caliber acting, the movie uses groundbreaking 4-D technology, which literally puts the audience on the sidelines.

It’s so lifelike that you can even get refreshments from vendors walking up and down the aisles.

Space Jam 2: Monstarz Ball is destined to become another American classic.

Some critics have even compared it to Citizen Kane and The Wizard of Oz. The $25 ticket is more than worth it to see the exquisite acting and the mind-blowing 4-D technology. Don’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity, as Space Jam 2: Monstarz Ball has a limited theatrical release that runs from April 2 to April 20.

E-mail: arts@ubspectrum.com

to get back to his roots with the concert, will headline the final day of the musical festival.

Smith will reteam with his old DJ, Jazzy Jeff, and cover Willennium in its entirety.

Smith, though, was quite mum with his involvement in the concert.

“Aw, hell no,” Smith said when asked whether he would like to comment about his involvement with Summer Fest.

Summer Fest’s lineup seems to fall on the expensive side with its many A-list acts.

Alvarado was quick to dispel any concerns.

“The books show that we didn’t get spendcrazy with the event, no matter how many number and budget discrepancies there are,” Alvarado said. “And if you keep asking, you can find out where we hid the last three students that were looking for answers.”

Alvarado then said that he had left his oven on, jumped into in his car and sped off.

For students who will be at the school

beyond May, they are more than happy over the news of the concert.

“There was nothing for us to do,” said Bernard Gert, a junior arts and crafts major.

“I mean absolutely nothing. Sometimes, I would just sit in my room for days and just cry because I was so bored.”

Others are hoping that the event will keep them safe due to the crime that arises out of boredom.

“It got quite dangerous around here in the summer,” said Ronnie McCoy, a sophomore Canadian history major. “People started fight clubs, students formed singing and dancing gangs, and I think at least one of the engineering majors built a robot.”

Summer Fest will be held July 15 at Baird Point. Admission will be free to all undergraduates, while tickets will be $3.50 for the general public. Senior citizens will get a 50 percent discount.

E-mail: arts@ubspectrum.com

‘That stuff is hot’ STAMPEDE from page 5 ARTF routes because of the easier accessibility to UB and Buffalo’s party scenes.

“That [stuff] is hot,” Thompson said. “You don’t know how many times my girls and I will be partying it up and all of a sudden we’re like, ‘We have to call the rape van, but they don’t come that far.’ Then we need to call all these random guys we never talk to and hope they’ll come get us at 3 a.m. and all this annoying [stuff].”

Many UB students are eager to embrace the new ARTF shuttle route in order to become better acquainted with Canada, UB’s neighbor to the north.

“It’ll be so nice to get to know

Canada. They have such a rich history and culture, and the citizens aren’t annoying at all,” said Carol Atwood, a sophomore mechanical engineering major. “I love Toronto, and if UB is getting me there on their dime, why shouldn’t I take advantage of it?”

Additional funds for these new bus and shuttle routes have been said to come from the School of Nursing, the school library budget and the charter from Generation magazine.

The new routes for the Stampede and ARTF shuttle should go into effect sometime after the apocalypse of 2012. UB students are urged not to seek more information on this transportation change.

E-mail: features@ubspectrum.com

“awe look the grammar police are here trying to defend their little cowardly editor” “I have more journalism experience in my little finger than you or anyone working for your paper will ever have.”

THE SPECTRUM: It’s got people talkin’!

“Go cry to someone who cares”

Blogmaster General

People The Spectrum Magazine

8

March 31, 2010

ADVERTISEMENT

test your

luck at our

casino night

March 31st

from 5:30-9:30pm at Sweethome

Enter to win over $1000 worth of prizes including a flat panel TV + free limo service will be transporting students from UB Richmond Quadrangle loop to Sweethome

716.689.5800 | 283 American Campus Dr

716.691.9600 | 3751 Nickel Way at Chestnut Ridge Rd

buffalostudenthousing.com see office for details

The USA Spectrum Today

March 31, 2010

9

Generation Magazine charter revoked After being in busness for less than a semester, Sub-Board I, Inc. has revoked Generation Magazine’s chartre for the second time in a year.

SBI ordered the magazine to cease publication immediately, citing many complaints and a petition submitted

by UB students.

SBI received a petition with over 10,000 student signatures, which claimed that the new Generation is a “farce” and does not represent the “student voice” that it claims to.

“It got to the point where we couldnt ignore student demands, anymore,” said William Hooley, executive director of SBI. “Student’s want a magazine that represents they’re interests and Generation, in it’s current form, apparently does not do that, so we had to pull the plug.”

Amanda Smith, a senior biomedical science’s major, spearheaded the petition and is pleased with the outcome.

“I never thought we,d get the 10,123 signatures. Im pleasantly surprised. I knew student’s were mourning the loss of our student voice, but I didnt know it was this many,” Smith said.

Wren LaFrom, Generation,s current editor-in-chief, is displeased with the situation, to say the least.

“I am completely and utterly, appalled by the unresponsible and hasty decision by SBI to revoke our charter. We did nothin but pore our hearts and souls into each and every issue,” LaForme said. “Sub-Board, should be ashamed of themselves. I am certainely not Andrew Blake. I do not make tasteless sexual jokes in my publication. I am the pinnacle of

Ren LaForme journalistic integrity and character.

My staff and me do not deserve this.”

Students feel that the new form, of Generation missus the point of a student voice.

“It’s a less comprehensive Artvoice,” said Julian Gudmunson, a Sophomore english major. “It does not get published on a reguler enough basis to be any help to the UB community. Why do I care about indie nobody bands and pointless articles telling me how to make a bowl of cereal or how to drink beer? Thats rite, I dun’t.”

SBI stands firm in it’s decision to pull the charter, stating that its trying to do whats best for SBI financially and whats best for the UB community.

“Its going to save us a lot of money.

We can have bigger office parties, so Im excited about that,” Hooley said.

“Im thinking an open bar for our spring get-together. I do love Long Island iced teas.”

While SBI is rollin’ in the extra cash, Smith are working with Student Association President, Ernesto Alvarado, to stage a rally in front of the Student

PJ Commons across from BK BOTTOMS from page 1

PJ Bottoms was “temporarily” shut down – and after years of unanswered rumors of the bar’s return to UB, students began to expect the closure was permanent.

Until now.

Michael Bolton, who earned his B.S. in business administration from UB in 1987, is now being celebrated as the hero who will bring the “food, booze, and boogie” back to the university.

After the bar’s nearly five-year hiatus, Bolton obtained a new bond and liquor license.

PJ Bottoms is expected to re-open its doors in September.

But they won’t be the same doors or even the same location that UB graduate students and super seniors remember – because Bolton decided to bring the bar a little closer to home.

“I approached the university last year about moving the bar on campus because then many students won’t have to worry about transportation, and also because I’ve seen bars on other campuses, such as St. Bonaventure University,” Bolton said.

Initially, University at Buffalo’s administration did not buy Bolton’s proposal. They pointed out that the UB student population exceeds that of St. Bonaventure by 25,000, so safety concerns are multiplied. They said UB doesn’t have the resources for adequate safety personnel to be on duty monitoring a bar every night.

Bolton switched gea rs a nd approached representatives from the Commons, a location that, while technically still on campus, offers land-lease flexibility and publicprivate partnership options. After receiving much a much more favorable response, Bolton realized that they were the perfect fit.

PJ Commons will be across from Burger King in an area formerly occupied by a variety of office space.

Construction will begin next week, and the project will set Bolton back around $2 million.

Bolton, who says he spent nearly every weekend of his college life at the old PJ’s, says he’s going for a nostalgic design.

“It will be just as students remember it,” Bolton said. “Wood paneling, cheap beer and wings while watching Sunday football, sticky floors, the hockey pucks in the urinal, darts, pool tables and all your best friends around you enjoying every minute – perfection.”

Bolton has just received final approval by the university to accept Campus Cash because he doesn’t want students to worry about handling cash or credit cards. However, one thing he insists on all students bringing with them is a valid I.D. “The major difference between the old PJ’s and the new PJ’s will be the underage drinking. I’m going to make sure the bar doesn’t get shut down this time,” Bolton said.

The big comeback is tentatively scheduled for September 30. Bolton says a massive ’80s party is scheduled for the grand re-opening to commemorate the decade when he considered PJ’s his second home.

Jesse James, the television personality best known for cheating on Hollywood royalty for the tattoo-faced “Bombshell” McGee, is expected to host the ’80s blowout.

“Jesse and I are good friends from my Choppers days. I told him about what I was doing here [in Buffalo] and he promised he would come out,” Bolton said. “This party is definitely going down in UB history.”

Depending on the success of PJ Commons, Bolton says he’s considering looking into re-opening other old UB hotspots to complement the bar.

“Everything is still in the works, but I would love to open a Sal’s Pizza next to the new PJ’s,” Bolton said.

If all goes well, the upcoming fall semester will mark the beginning of a new era – or at least the return of an old one.

Just as their predecessors did, University at Buffalo students will soon be chugging cheap beer before stumbling over to Sal’s for a slice of pizza, which, in their drunken haze, will be the most delectable creation their taste buds will ever experience.

And the tradition will live on.

E-mail: features@ubspectrum.com

Call for Low Low Rates!!

www.citya1drivingschool.com

★CITY A1 DRIVING SCHOOL, INC.★ 6 Hrs. POINTS / INSURANCE REDUCTION Held Weekly by Appointment

Beginners & Brush-Up Driving Lessons

Tel: 570-7230 or 875-4662 www.citya1drivingschool.com

5 Hrs. N.Y.S. REQUIRED COURSE

Walk Ins Welcome 5HR Class Cost $30 271 KENMORE AVE (NEAR UB SOUTH CAMPUS) Mon 4:30pm, Wed 4:30pm, Sat 10:00am 7 MAIN ST (1 LIGHT FROM TRANSIT, 2ND FL) LOCKPORT — Tue: 4:30pm 809 ABBOTT RD (SOUTH BUFFALO) - By APPT.

LOCATIONS:

*

*

FF 10% O THIS

*

IF WE CAN’T TEACH YOU, NO ONE CAN!

Serving all Buffalo, Niagara & Suburbs

E-mail: news@ubspectrum.com

Paint a new Portrait of america in 10 minutes.

2010 Census at uB www.buffalo.edu/student/census

all uB students living on Campus must Complete a u.s. Census form.

You will receive forms from your RA/CA on Tues. March 30, 2010.

Please return completed forms by April 1, 2010.

• Be a part of the Change you want in America • Mandatory for all campus residents For more info: • www.buffalo.edu/student/census • 2010census.gov we can’t move forward until you return your survey.

Issued November 2009

Form D-3310

WITH COUPON

NYS Required 5 hr class

Staff Reporter

Union to bring Andrew Blake back to the publication. Blake was editorin-chief of the publication when it’s charter was originally pulled.

“We want Blake back because he understood what student’s wanted.

He knew how to reach us with his off-color sense, of humor and awesome taste in music,” Smith said. “The rally will hopefullie draw him back to campus by showing him that we cant stand the new Generation. We want personals and emo poems, not cooking lessons and articles about belly dancing.”

SA is funding cotton candy, and a bounce house at the rally.

“The fun activities are meant to be metaphors for the lost, fun nature of the old Generation,” Alvarado said.

LaForme believes that by fighting against his publication, students are severely limiting their horizons and slapping good, solid student journalism in the face.

“Students need Generation as it is.

It’s the closest thing UB has to real publication. We cover nationale news and campus news, as well as print articles on music, foods and entertainments. Unlike The Spectrum, we have personalitie. We have Visions,” LaFrome said. “Its completely ludicrous, that SBI cut our charter. We are the cornerstone of UB media and the Journalism Certification Program.”

Smith begs to differ.

“We don’t want journalism. We want entertainment,” Smith said.

“Blake was entertaining. LaForme is boooooring.”

LaForme has since filed a $3 million lawsuit, against SBI for wrongfull termination. In a twist of irony, a member of SBI Legal will represent him.

“I’m not boring. Ima big deal, I’m classie and I’m pissed off,” LaForme said. “I wont go down without a fite.”

www.citya1drivingschool.com

By EDITH LAMENTEUSE

TheThe Courier Spectrum Express

10

March 31, 2010

9 55

The Spectrum feat. JoAnnah Thompson

LEGO is brightening up North Campus by redesigning Ellicott Complex.

Ellicott Complex to officially be renamed Lego Land

By RHODA TICKELL Staff Writer

www.rfogglaw.com 10% Discount for College Students with valid ID

rfogg@rfogglaw.com

The Ellicott Complex’s long-time nickname, Lego Land, will soon become a reality. Beginning in the fall 2010 semester, the LEGO Group will become a corporate sponsor of the complex in an attempt to make the dorms a more colorful place to live.

Jorgen Vig Knudstorp, the CEO of the Denmark-based LEGO Group, is excited that one of the company’s long-time goals is finally coming true.

“We’ve been interested in the Ellicott Complex since its inception in 1974,” Knudstorp said. “A 6-year-old child could build a smaller model of these buildings with some Legos. We want to bring a childhood architectural vision to life.”

In order to foster this vision, the newly named Lego Land will be painted bright colors over the summer. Wilkeson will be renamed Red Quadrangle, Spaulding will be renamed Orange Quadrangle, Richmond will be renamed Yellow Quadrangle, Red Jacket will be renamed Green Quadrangle, Porter will be renamed Blue Quadrangle and Fargo will be renamed Purple Quadrangle.

“It will be so exciting to see all of these rainbow colors define residence halls on a college campus,” Knudstorp said. “This is a step in the right direction for LEGO. Now we will not only appeal to the elementary school crowd, but to young adults as well.”

Knudstorp views the project as a great advertising opportunity for LEGO, stating that UB Athletics has agreed to give out promotional sets of Legos during all Buffalo Bulls home football games. Each game will have a different special-edition set.

University president John B.

Simpson shares Knudstorp’s enthusiasm and believes that the Lego Land project fits seamlessly into the UB 2020 plan.

“Our strategic plan has involved a lot of building of new facilities for students, but I think it’s equally as important to revamp the existing facilities,” Simpson said. “I’ve received tons of feedback from students saying that they haven’t seen any obvious UB 2020 changes around campus. Painting the dorm buildings rainbow colors is clearly a significant change. It can’t get more obvious than that.”

Simpson explained that the Lego Land project will enhance UB’s image as a model for Buffalo and its surrounding areas.

“I’ve always said that UB is the center of innovation and culture in the Western New York region,” Simpson said. “Nothing can possibly be a better display of our creative spirit than this.”

He added that Buffalo already has a taste of what the new complex will offer, as a LEGO model of the buildings is currently on display in the Albright-Knox Art Gallery.

Joseph Krakowiak, the director of University Residence Halls and Apartments, looks forward to the newly designed dorms.

“This a great move,” Krakowiak said. “I feel that these attractive buildings will entice more students to live in the residence halls.”

Students have widely differing opinions on this newly named complex.

Elise Boyle, a sophomore communication major and current resident of Red Jacket Quadrangle, is excited to see her home away from home enlivened with bright colors.

“Ellicott has always looked like a prison,” Boyle said. “Now it will be a much livelier environment and a less dull place to live.”

Nathan Astor, a freshman biology and mathematics major and resident of Wilkeson Quadrangle, is less enthusiastic about the change.

“I can’t believe UB would agree to this,” Astor said. “This is a university, not clown college. And state budget cuts? Are you kidding me? A state university is selling itself now?”

Anthony Gullo, a junior history major and resident in the Governors Complex, is angry that Ellicott is getting all the special treatment.

“The Ellicott kids have all the fun,” Gullo said. “Governors always stays the same. Now we really are the Gover-nerds.”

Lego Land will have a renaming ceremony on August 30, the first day of the fall 2010 semester. Knudstorp will fly into Buffalo from Denmark for this momentous occasion.

Beginning that day, carousel music will play 24/7 in the dorms, as Knudstorp explains, to create “a more childlike atmosphere.” Sounds of Wurlitzer and European band organs, calliopes, barrel organs, cottage orchestrions, violin pianos and piano orchestrions will be played on repeat in each individual dorm on a daily basis.

At the ceremony, Bob the Builder will be honored for his efforts in painting and redesigning the complex. Bob’s theme song will be added to the mix on that day as a sign of appreciation.

There will be a parade around Lego Land led by Simpson and Dennis Black, the vice president of student affairs, followed by a league of Lollipop Kids and Oompa Loompas.

“It will be quite a show,” Black said. “But it’s not the show that matters. It’s the impact that this redesigned facility will have on lives of each and every student.”

E-mail: news@ubspectrum.com

‘Putting needles in his ass’ MAYNARD from page 16 athletic administration expressed shock and surprise at the behavior of their former teammate.

“I am deeply saddened and disappointed to hear of Zach’s decision to use nandrolone,” said Buffalo athletic director Warde Manuel. “Anabolic steroids are illegal and that is not the right example to set as a representative of this school, this community, and our football team. Zach needs to remember that there are kids out there who look up to him.”

Manuel went on to say that Buffalo fans need not suspect any of the other Bulls to be involved with illegal steroid use.

“I value the contributions that Zach made to our team, but having said that, we’re glad he’s chosen to leave if that’s the type of behavior he’s exhibiting,” Manuel said. “We run a good, clean, healthy program here at

UB and we will continue to do so.”

Students around the school were also surprised, but some offered possible explanations for Maynard’s behavior.

“He was pretty [expletive] skinny,” said Geoff Turner, a sophomore biology major. “I heard he lost in an arm wrestling match to the punter. That might have driven me to do steroids as well.”

Senior political science major Horace Green conjectured that Maynard might know exactly what he’s doing.

“Well, as a transfer student, he’s not allowed to play for a year at Cal,” Green said. “Maybe he’s just trying to get as jacked as possible during his year off so he has a better chance of playing in 2011.”

The California Athletic Department did not immediately return a phone call placed by The Spectrum.

Rumors have circulated about where Maynard may have gotten the

steroids. A person with knowledge of Maynard’s habits, who also wishes to remain anonymous, says that Maynard began acting strange a couple of months ago.

“It started when he was putting posters on his wall of Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Marion Jones,” Maynard’s friend said. “Then he started hanging around with the sketchy guys at the gym and watching Jersey Shore a lot. Before I knew it, he was putting needles in his ass.”

Shortly after the news about Maynard surfaced, Jose Canseco announced plans for a new book, Maynard Exposed: In the Locker Room With Yet Another User. The book is expected to be published later this year.

Stay with The Spectrum for updates on this developing story.

E-mail: sports@ubspectrum.com

The TheDaily Spectrum Planet

March 31, 2010

Student identified in Lockwood incident

11

GIVE ME A COOKIE and A DOLLAR endowments@ubspectrum.com

By BOWDASH RIVER Staff Writer

A UB student has come forward to university police regarding the evacuation of Lockwood Library on February 16.

George S. Parker, a graduate student in the Department of Psychology, identified himself to officials at the University Police Department on Monday as the alleged gunman caught on camera entering the library.

Parker disclosed in an interview to university officials that the incident was part of an experiment he was conducting for his own personal research regarding reaction time in emergency situations.

According to officials, Parker divulged a long history of unethical experimentation.

“This is the result of a guilty conscience and a sick obsession,” said David Vanderhault, assistant chief of police. “This student is disturbed and is in need of help, and he desperately wants help, which is why he stepped forward, so we’re going to make sure he gets it.”

Carl Lindberg, assistant chair of the Department of Psychology, is disappointed in the student researcher’s decision to engage in such unethical behavior and believes it will be nearly impossible for him to recover from the damage he has done.

“What’s most upsetting is that this young man shook up an entire community and wasted thousands of dollars in resources, time and

Clifford J. Clifton W. Cliftonius ‘George’ Clinton Hodnett / The Spectrum and Parliamnent-Photodelic

The gun used by George S. Parker in his Lockwood social experiment was recovered by authorities.

manpower,” Lindberg said. “But this is just one student, keep in mind. His actions are in no way representative of the psychology department as a whole.”

Parker further revealed to police that the alleged gun underneath his trench coat was some sort of Chinese-made weapon, which he dumped in a nearby trash can while exiting the library during the evacuation period.

Though Parker took accountability for his actions, Angela Wright, a senior anthropolog y major, believes Parker forever tarnished the reputation of student researchers everywhere.

“He makes researchers look bad,” Wright said. “How can he ever show his face on campus again, knowing what he did? He took it to the extreme by putting everyone at jeopardy for some sick joke.”

Parker’s roommate, who asked to remain anonymous, knew nothing of his twisted research. When he heard that a student was identified in the incident via Facebook and Twitter, and that the student was his own roommate, he was in complete and utter shock.

“I couldn’t believe it,” the roommate said. “I mean, yeah, the kid is kind of strange and stuff, and yeah, I heard a duck quack from his closet once, but I thought it was just a fetish or something.”

While a majority of students and staff are scorning the actions of the student researcher, some are commending him on carrying out the most brilliant plot of deception the UB community has ever experienced.

“The whole thing reminds me of the one time I was walking out of Target and saw this dude walk in wearing a ski mask in the middle of spring,“ said Marcus Godfrey, a graduate student in the Department of Psychology. “I was like, ‘Dang, why didn’t I think of that?’”

University officials are reviewing Parker’s research findings on reaction time in emergency situations, though students will still not receive an e-mail or text regarding the latest news for another week or two.

Students in lecture halls on North Campus will be SOL. E-mail: features@ubspectrum.com

P O L I C E B LOT T E R 3/16 — A freshman sought medical attention after receiving a boo-boo on their knee.

3/16 — A student was referred to the Student-Wide Judiciary for reading a borderline pornographic paper in class.

3/17 — Lockwood Library was evacuated after a student walked in with a mechanical pencil.

3/17 — A student was sent to Millard Fillmore Suburban Hospital from O’Brian Hall after literally pooping her brains out.

3/18 — A bag containing Walt Disney’s cryogenically frozen head was stolen from the Student Union.

3/19 — A student was sent to the StudentWide Judiciary for voyeurism, after he was found taking naked pictures of Joe Paterno.

3/19 — Christopher DiMatteo was arrested for streaking.

3/20 — A subject was checked for a tummy ache at the CFA. 3/20 — Samantha Hicks was arrested for sexually assaulting a streaker.

3/22 – Feces were found in a trumpet in Baird Hall.

3/22 – Marc Odien got his hand slapped for being a big, old, wrong meanie pants.

3/22 – Student fees were stolen from the pockets of undergraduate students for fleeces.

3/23 – 29 stupid people left laptops and other forms of property that are worth money unattended in any location on campus, which resulted in someone stealing said items.

3/23 – An unidentified student was found mangled after getting smashed by repeated handsprings.

3/23 – Ernesto Alvarado was arrested for slapping a student over a slice of pizza.

3/24 – Jacob Shillman was arrested for insider trading.

3/24 – A student was referred for psychiatric counseling after being subjected to one too many ‘your mom’ jokes.

3/25 – Paper towels were stolen from a bathroom in the Student Union.

3/25 – A giant snow phallus rose from the dead and was arrested for eating Victor E. Bull. He melted before he got to the police station.

3/26 – Everyone involved in the New York State government was arrested for robbing students blind.

3/26 – Adam Cole was arrested for exposing himself to minors on Chatroulette.

3/27 – Twenty students won free coffee from Tim Hortons.

3/27 – Three Days Grace was arrested for stealing $75,000 from UB undergraduate students.

3/28 – Students acted like they really cared about recycling while they threw recyclables out in the garbage.

3/29 – People set fire alarms off for smoking in their rooms on campus, making their roommates angry.

3/29 – Another 24 stupid people left laptops and other forms of property that are worth money unattended in any location on campus, which resulted in someone stealing said items.

3/29 – John. B. Simpson was arrested for focusing on 2020 more than 2010.

3/30 – Visions Magazine was brought back into print. Just kidding.

“The Spectrum is a mere pimple on the ass of crappy journalism” - Thomas Cole Minnesotian

THE SPECTRUM: It’s got people talkin’!

3/30 – An unnamed student was arrested for fornicating in the alley next to University Hots.

3/30 – Stephen Marth was arrested for pissing people off on campus.

3/30 – Unnamed janitors were fired for breaking into the Generation Magazine office because their bathrooms were out of toilet paper.

check it out at

niagara.edu/graduate Graduate Degree Programs

Graduate Open House

April 17, 2010 Niagara University Campus Lewiston, NY 9:30 am – 12:30 pm

Want a degree that will make a difference in your life? Then check out the outstanding graduate programs at niagara.edu/graduate.

Master of Education The area’s only private university that’s both NCATE accredited and recognized by the Ontario Ministry of Training. Niagara offers programs in Teacher Education, Educational Leadership, School Counseling, School Psychology, Mental Health Counseling, Special Education and Literacy.

Master of Business Administration With a nationally acclaimed faculty, practice-oriented curriculum and AACSB accreditation, Niagara lets you complete your MBA in as little as 16 months with convenient weekday evening or Saturday classes.

Master of Criminal Justice A traditional master’s program and the area’s only five-year BS/MS program in Criminal Justice Administration lets Niagara meet the needs of both incoming freshmen and working professionals.

Master of Arts-Interdisciplinary Studies An innovative curriculum that crosses traditional disciplinary boundaries and allows each student to design his or her own degree. If you’ve always wanted to pursue a master’s degree but have been unable to find the right program, we can help you meet your goals.

To see how Niagara can make a difference in your career, visit www.niagara.edu/graduate 1.800.462.2111 e-mail admissions@niagara.edu

Education That Makes a Difference

Office of Graduate Admissions Bailo Hall PO Box 2011 Niagara University, NY 14109-2011

Study Chinese in Beijing this summer!

Chinese Language & Culture Program Intermediate & Advanced—8 UB credits!

Includes Shanghai study tour & field trips

Application Deadline: April 1st UB Study Abroad 210 Talbert Hall  645-3912  studyabroad@buffalo.edu www.buffalo.edu/studyabroad

TheEsquire Spectrum

12

IMMIGRATION LAW Bo Gyung Kim Attorney at Law

KLOSS STENGER & LOTEMPIO 69 DELAWARE AVENUE, SUITE 1003 BUFFALO, N EW YORK 14202 Tel: 716-853-1111 ext 25, Fax: 716-847-2924 bokim@klosslaw.com

Excellent immigration advice is essential to your success in the United States

March 31, 2010

Will begin on Wednesday CARDS from page 1 students said that if the organization offered the choice of using credit cards, they would use it.

“I feel like the only reason we weren’t allowed to use credit cards is because the school wanted to make more money,” said Jason Powell, a senior engineering major. “I have always said we should be able to use them, but never heard any response when I sent in e-mails.”

Powell cites this lack of communication with students as a main problem with meal plans on campus.

While students are excited about this change on campus, Campus Dining & Shops employees aren’t quite as thrilled.

“This is going to make my job increasingly difficult,” said Erik Hillserker, a student who works at Campus Dining & Shops. “Now I will have to have people sign receipts and spend another hour of my life learning a new system. It is just ridiculous.”

While the addition of credit cards on campus is huge for students and faculty alike, there are some

limitations. Due to high costs, Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express will not be accepted on campus. Approved credit card companies are Bankcard, Diners Club, Choice, Access and enRoute.

“These companies will only require us to raise food prices by 10 percent,” said Dick Winters, finance director for Campus Dining & Shops If we used your typical companies like Visa and such, we’d have to raise all food prices by nearly 30 percent to offset the cost that these companies require for the use of their cards.”

Parents of UB students, however, are worried that they will not be able to control how much their children spend on food throughout the semester.

One parent expressed increased concern for the fact that her son would use his credit card in an irresponsible way.

“There are enough pressures on students in college as it is,” said Loretta Appler. “My son has gained enough weight on the food from Sizzles. I cut him off at $400 worth of dining dollars, but now he can use his card and I have no

control over it.”

Appler also stated that by opening credit card use, UB is promoting obesity and diabetes, and that as a parent, she is worried for the well being of the student population, not the money the school could possibly make.

When students were asked about this downside to the opening of credit cards, Matthew Sanchiguri, a junior journalism major, cited the importance of trust in the relationship between a parent and their child.

“If parents are worried that their children will be irresponsible with their credit cards, perhaps the students shouldn’t have them or be in college at all,” Sanchiguri said.

“Personal spending is something we all have to deal with in life as well as weight management. Parents should trust their kids more.”

This new implementation will begin on Wednesday. If the system works out in a positive manner, officials will permanently allow credit cards at all on-campus dining areas.

E-mail: news@ubspectrum.com

Country farm homes for graduate students WILSON from page 1 the new programs.

Simpson also explained that an additional five UB Stampede buses would be purchased for transporting students between the far away rural campus and North Campus.

The plan will also make certain that required classes in the rural campus would be on Tuesday and Thursday

to allow students to take regular classes during the rest of the week and not worry about travel time.

Among the many buildings to be assembled will be a set of country farm houses for graduate students to stay in, so they can wake up early to milk cows, tend to fences and start work on the lake before heavy boat traffic sets in.

“It will be necessary and crucial for our students to be located on site,” Cummingstein said.

Some residents of Wilson are concerned that the plan will bring in too much unwanted traffic and people.

Others say that the university has no right to come into Niagara County.

“It’s absolutely absurd,” said one outraged citizen, who preferred his

name to be kept off the record for fear of harming future employment plans with the university. “I mean, it’s the University at Buffalo, why the hell don’t they stay up there?”

When asked about the possible zoning violations in acquiring property in the town, Simpson said everything was under control and no laws were in danger of being broken.

“It was talked about and asked, why is a Buffalo university expanding into Niagara County,” Simpson said. “It’s because we’re the biggest and best university in the whole SUNY system, and we do whatever we please. I make the rules around here.”

E-mail: news@ubspectrum.com

A silver fox BLACK from page 1 competition in the United Kingdom in October.

Behind those slick power ties and fresh pressed shirts lie a pair of oiled-up pecs that are begging to be touched.

According to Black, the silver fox decided to compete in the Mr. Universe contest after repeatedly watching movies from The Terminator series. Since Arnold Schwarzenegger, the star of the movies, has achieved both professional and physical goals, Black feels the need to follow in the footsteps of his hero.

Schwarzenegger was the NABBA Universe Amateur champion in 1967 and the NABBA Universe Professional champion in 1968, 1969 and 1970. Schwarzenegger also enjoys acting, taking steroids, playing with his cats, buying Hummers and governing the state of California.

“I understand that I have a lot of things going against me, but I’ve always wanted to [enter the competition],” Black said, as he ran his hand through his salt-and-pepper hair and gave a boyish grin. “My wife thinks that I have a pretty good shot.”

Black won the Mr. Buffalo bodybuilding championship at the Center for the Arts on Saturday, where he donned a magenta Speedo and strutted across the stage in front of nearly 800 people.

“I could see his muscles rippling from the back of the auditorium,” said a senior male theater major who wished to be kept anonymous

because he was afraid Black would beat him up. “It really intimidated me.”

Black Dynamite spends his days working out, looking at himself in the mirror and watching various Rocky montages to get himself pumped for the competition.

He is currently working his way to 20-pound weights and runs up to five miles a day. Black also got a membership at a tanning salon.

“I’m trying to cut down on sweets and work out as much as I can,” Black said as he ran on the treadmill and listened to Hannah Montana.

“When I crave something fattening, it just makes me want to train harder.

Chocolate goes right to my thighs!”

Although this is a passion of Black’s, he doubts that he will keep training after he undoubtedly wins the competition. However, plans of whether or not he will return to UB are still questionable.

“If he doesn’t come back, I’ll be pretty pissed,” said UB President John Simpson. “I, like, trained him, you know? I don’t feel like going through the interview process again.

It’s quite annoying.”

UB’s sexiest official knows that he needs to follow his dreams. Luckily, that involves tanning, lifting and oiling himself up.

“I have to go get some baby oil,” Black said, as he flexed his huge arm muscles. “Target is having a sale.

These puppies aren’t going to shine themselves!”

E-mail: features@ubspectrum.com

The Spectrum

March 31, 2010

13

Pierce is pretty sad BBALL from page 16 again a lot of the things that happened in tonight’s game surprised me,” Pierce said. “The guys couldn’t stop talking about that play at the end of the night. It’s something that I won’t live down anytime soon.”

The efforts of Brown, Hedderson, and Fortman allowed the women to dominate for the next five minutes. Freshman guard Abby Dowd knocked down a 3-pointer to cap off a 17-3 run. This gave the women a 13-point lead with just under 10 minutes to go in the opening half.

Senior forward Max Boudreau began a 10-2 run for the men, scoring their next six points. Pierce and sophomore forward Mitchell Watt each contributed a bucket as well to bring the score to 26-19 with 4:55 to go. This was the closest the men would come for the rest of the game.

The women continued to build on their lead, showing greater speed

and agility than the men with every passing minute. They ended the first half ahead, 38-27.

The men decided to approach the second half with fresh perspectives by putting some of their younger players in. The women mirrored this strategy and outdid the men, going with an all-freshman lineup. It paid off for the women as they continued to steamroll the men.

Freshman forward Nytor Longar led in the annihilation. Longar blew past sophomore guard Dave Barnett and proceeded to drive hard to the basket for a slam dunk. The senior men looked on in awe, not knowing what to do next.

“We’ve come back in some pretty tough situations before,” Smiley said.

“Things just didn’t go in our favor.

We came in thinking that we could easily beat the girls … I guess we just underestimated them.”

It didn’t get better for the men from there as the women went on a

20-8 run over the next 10 minutes.

With the score at 58-35 and 6:37 on the clock, the women enjoyed their largest lead of the game and were able to relax a little while the men tried to dig themselves out of a very deep rut.

“We knew that we pretty much had the game in the bag at that point,” Hedderson said. “So we just tried to keep doing what were doing and have fun.”

Though the men were able to score more in the second half, they could not get over the hump.

Brown and Hedderson tied as the leading scorers for the women with 23 points apiece. Betts led the way for the men with 17 points, followed by Pierce and Boudreau with 15 and 12 points, respectively.

The two teams plan on making this an annual event to benefit charities of their choice.

E-mail: sports@ubspectrum.com

monday - wednesday: 10am - 10pm thursday - saturday: 10am - 12am sunday: 12pm - 9pm

.

4382 B AILEY A VENUE 838-4000 (B ETWEEN M AIN & S HERIDAN ) COUPON

COUPON

ARBOR MIST

SKOL VODKA

ALL TYPES

3/$

Oh, Queen Latifah JOR-HILL from page 3 the office of the presidency. The nation was stunned. At first it was viewed as the great underdog victory and a return to little federal interference; the country was like Beyond Thunderdome for those years.

Many federally funded projects fell through as the government cut off the money flow. Roads, cities, hospitals and public schools all fell apart. The greatest tragedy came when the president repealed many safety laws, stating that is a choice to wear a helmet or seatbelt.

Most of the extreme libertarians died in the following months, including the president, whose final words to his wife were, “I don’t have to wear that thing. What am I, a hippie?”

Two civil wars followed. The first was to fill the power vacuum that existed in the White House and the second was to free ourselves from the bears. We only survived that one after a cunning move involving a

fishing line, some honey and a picnic basket.

The extremity was so bad in the government that there hasn’t been a president in over 20 years. The last one threw up his arms and retired into the wastelands that were once California, which are patrolled by a group of crazed cyborgs, the last act of a certain governor.

Extremity existed outside the world of government as well. It got really bad when the apocalypse happened.

Yes, the rapture occurred on a tepid Tuesday at 11:42 a.m. Jesus, who turned out to be Chinese, had stumbled onto the set of The Today Show to announce his second coming.

Unsurprisingly, Revelations was wrong and there were no Four Horsemen and all that jazz. Instead, the world watched Last Holiday, starring Queen Latifah. Turns out that is His favorite movie. After preaching a message of peace and love, he was promptly booed off stage

Protect the children YELLOWSTONE from page 3 lock us up like beasts. Heterosexuals will be forced to live in shambles at the will of gays from all across this country.

The director’s message against gay people can be clearly seen. (I mean, he portrayed homosexuals as apes, right? Yeah, I think that is what he meant.) Schaffner depicted them in this animalistic light because gay people aren’t as good as humans.

I plan on starting a research program – using the same great minds of science that are trying to disprove global warming – to see if homosexuals actually are, indeed, humans.

Having absolutely no background in science (and, full disclosure, I don’t really care for this whole “science” thing), I am pretty sure that those that are attracted to the same sex are not part of our infallible species.

So far I have tested the genetic makeup of exactly .5 homosexuals – someone who is bi counts as half – and found nothing different. This might be because I don’t know how to test genetics, but I am still hopeful I will find something.

Leviticus 18:22 says, “[Thou] shall not lie with a male as one does with a woman. It is an abomination.” And God would not create humans that do not follow his rules, and creatures that don’t follow his word aren’t humans. I mean, everyone goes to church every Sunday and listens to Leviticus 19:19 and “[does] not wear material woven of two kinds of material,” which is why I only wear denim.

Many have known for a long time

that “the gays” are inferior and that they shouldn’t be considered equals.

This is excluding Freddy Mercury, Kevin Spacey, Tom Hanks’s character from Philadelphia, Elton John, Greg Louganis, Truman Capote, Pete Townshend and the dad from the Brady Bunch, because those guys were super cool.

As this is the greatest country in the world, we can compromise. The best possible option is that instead of husbands or wives, they will be called “man friends,” as even a manly man like me can admit to loving his good “man friends.” We can figure out a name for females when we get there.

This protects the children from the traumatic confusion of seeing two people that love each other sharing the term “husband” and preserves the sanctity of marriage.

As everyone knows, defending the holiest of all the sacraments – which has turned into nothing more than a legal agreement – in a secular nation should be of the upmost priority.

Marriage is a sacred thing; this can be seen by the amount of divorces and affairs in this country.

Listen, my middle name may be Allen, but it might as well be America. We need to stand up for what is right, and protect the kids – think about the kids!

Allowing everyone to have the same rights for marriage would make our forefathers sick. And it would likely result in the whole world becoming gay; it only makes sense.

E-mail: didyoureallygetthisfar@ubspectrum.com

COUPON

1.75L

COUPON

COUPON

COUPON

DEVIL SPRINGS JACK VODKA DANIELS 99 99 $ $

899 $1049 24 750ML

and called a hippie.

God then showed up. In fact, He turned out to look like a giant spaghetti monster. The world learned that God does not hate homosexuals and they’ve always been allowed to marry. It seems Moses zoned out while God was dictating Leviticus to him and was too embarrassed to ask God to repeat what He said.

Both God and Christ have been excommunicated from all churches.

Most importantly…do not drink Pepsi 2. It kind of taste like butt.

And don’t panic: UB 3020 is just around the corner.

ATM AVAILABLE

25

1.75L

COUPON

LITER

COUPON

JAMESON JAGERMEISTER LITTLE PENGUIN 20% OFF IRISH WINE LIQUOR ANY WINE WHISKEY $ 99 PURCHASE 99 99 $ $ 1.5 L EXCLUDING SPECIALS

COUPON

26

LITER

COUPON

22

8

LITER

ITER

ALLTYPES

COUPON

COUPON

BAREFOOT CAPTAIN MORGAN BACARDI RUM JOSE CUERVO SPICED RUM WHITE OR GOLD GOLD TEQUILA WINE

7

$ 99 1.5 LITER

$19 99 $ 14 99 LITER

LITER

$19 99

ALL TYPES

E-mail: arts@ubspectrum.com

Sub Board I is accepting applications and resumes for

Editor In Chief for

Generation Magazine For the fall 2010 semester

Applications are due by April 9th by 5pm in suite 341 Student Union

LITER

TheThe New Spectrum York Times

18 14

March 31, 2010

‘Exciting time in Buffalo Bills football’ BILLS from page 16 J.P. Losman.

During that time, Buffalo has gone 32-48 and has failed to qualify for the postseason for 10-straight seasons. Last season, both Edwards and Fitzpatrick struggled to take the reins under center while Brohm fluttered in his only outing of the year.

“It’s no surprise that this team is in need of a franchise quarterback,” said first-year general manager Buddy Nix. “A team will go as far as your quarterback takes it. Look at the greats of today’s game, like Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Brett Favre. What do they all have in common? Playoffs and championships. That’s where we want to be.”

Beginning April 3 at 8 a.m., Gailey will open the field house doors to anyone interested in landing a professional football contract. The nationwide quarterback search is open to anyone ages 18-28. While no previous football experience is necessary, Gailey did admit that those without experience could struggle to adapt to an NFL tryout.

This isn’t the first time an NFL team has held open tryouts. Firstyear head coach Dick Vermeil held an open tryout for the Philadelphia Eagles in 1978. With no first-round draft pick, Vermeil opted to find players who may not have been talented, but knew the meaning of work ethic and sacrifice.

The Eagles were rewarded with wide receiver and special teams ace Vince Papale. The 30-year-old played two seasons with the team in which he was voted Special Teams Captain by his teammates and earned “Man of the Year” for his charitable contributions.

“I’ve had extensive talks with Dick about this process. He’s been through it before and knows how

Marketing Director Marketing Designers Marketing Coordinators Finance Director Information Systems Assistant Legal Assistance Director Legal Assistance Assistant Director Student Wide Judiciary Chief Student Defender and Assistant Health Education Workshop Coordinator Health Education Event Coordinator Sexuality Education Center Supervising Counselor ARTF Education Coordinator ARTF South Campus Walk Station Supervisor ARTF Safety Shuttle Operators Generation Assistant Advertising Manager Generation Business Manager WRUB General Manager WRUB Underwriting Director DJ Services Coordinator

successful it can be,” Gailey said.

“Knowing that Dick found a leader in Vince gives me some encouragement that we can do the same. There’s somebody out there for us and it’s just the matter of finding him.”

With the NFL Draft just three weeks away, many around the league are questioning the peculiar move by Bills management to hold an open quarterback tryout.

With the 9th overall pick, Buffalo is in line to potentially land former Notre Dame star Jimmy Clausen in the first round. Should Clausen be off the board, other potential prospects will be available for the taking in the second round, including Colt McCoy, Dan LeFevour and Tim Tebow.

The Bills have already been linked to Clausen and Tebow as draft day approaches. Buffalo held a private workout with Clausen while Hall of Famer Jim Kelly recently treated Tebow to a steak dinner at the Buffalo Chophouse.

As Kelly praised the young quarterback, he stated that an open tryout could do nothing but hurt the organization.

“Tim [Tebow] is a proven leader and a natural born winner. He has everything you’d want in a franchise quarterback,” Kelly told The Spectrum. “There’s no reason Buffalo should pass on him. The fact that Coach Gailey has decided to hold an open tryout leads me to believe they aren’t looking to add a quarterback in the draft. It’s an embarrassment, if you ask me.”

Opening tryout days will include rigorous strength and conditioning drills. Following first cuts on day three, contenders will hit the field for a technique and mechanics test in throwing and pocket presence.

The field will be narrowed down to ten finalists on day eight, who will then be required to learn a standard NFL playbook and be thrown into live 7-on-7 action in full pads with the rest of the team. By the end of week two, Buffalo’s coaching staff and management will offer a twoyear entry-level contract to the most impressive quarterback.

“By the end of this thing, we’re going to have our man,” Nix said.

“Whether he is a former high school star, college dropout, CFL bust or Thanksgiving Day legend, we’ll be heading into the season confident in our quarterbacks.”

With just 400 available spots, stadium organizers recommend arriving at the field house four days prior to the tryout to ensure your opportunity.

“This is an exciting time in Buffalo Bills football,” Gailey said. “I feel we’ve made significant strides since Buddy [Nix] and I have come on board. We’ve addressed holes on the defensive unit and offensive line and we are confident we’ll have our quarterback of the future in the coming weeks. This is going to be fun, I’ll tell you that.”

E-mail: sports@ubspectrum.com

Bye Bye, Phoenix TIGERS from page 16 previous two attempts – Pittsburgh and Nashville – failed and hope seemed bleak for the millionaire.

With the move, the Coyotes will be changing their name to the Tigers, referring to the hockey club that once called Hamilton Home from 1920 to 1925.

Hockey in Phoenix has been abysmal since its inception. In 12 seasons prior to this year, the Coyotes only qualified four times for the playoffs and have never made it past the first round. Before this year, the team has gone six seasons without playoff hockey.

As strange as it may sound, the team is firing on all cylinders this season which makes this move even more puzzling. Not only is the team playing well, but they are exceeding the most optimistic predictions from the pre season.

Hockey icon Wayne Gretzky coached the team for four forgettable seasons and his departure prior to the season has only furthered the idea that great players don’t necessarily make great coaches.

The Coyotes are fourth in the Western Conference and are ranked third in the league in points.

Anchored by a core group of veterans, the Coyotes have found a perfect mix of youth and wisdom to carry them this season.

Starting goalie Ilya Bryzgalov has been brilliant between the pipes for the Coyotes and has been somewhat of a find for the team. A career backup, Bryzgalov has found a home in Phoenix and has been mentioned as a possible Vezina Trophy candidate.

“I’m excited for the move,” Bryzgalov said. “We’ll miss our great fans in Phoenix but we’re excited to gain a new family in the Hamilton area.”

Like the rest of the team, however, Bryzgalov will be packing his bags next season when the Hamilton squad starts a new chapter in the long and storied history of the team.

The move will change many divisions throughout the league. The Tigers will move to the Northeast Division, with the Boston Bruins leaving to move to the Atlantic Division. To make room for the Bruins, the New York Islanders will then move to the Pacific Division, because “no one really cares about the Islanders anyways,” according to NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman.

Fans in Buffalo are devastated by the news as a large portion of the Sabres fan base comes from Hamilton and surrounding cities.

“Because of the move, I won’t be surprised if we don’t fill HSBC Arena up on a daily basis,” said Buffalo Sabres owner Tom Golisano. “We might have to look into relocation ourselves if the situation gets to be unbearable.”

Olympic hero goaltender Ryan Miller released a statement after the announcement with some shocking news.

“I love Buffalo, but I do not love the situation that I am being thrown into,” Miller said in the press release.

“With that being said, I am demanding a trade or a release from my contract effective at the end of the season. I don’t want to be thrown into a situation where my godly goaltending skills will be jeopardized.”

As of late, there have been several police reports that the family of general manager Darcy Regier has filed a missing person report with the Amherst Police Department. A connection to the news has not yet been made.

E-mail: sports@ubspectrum.com

“The spectrum was a rag fifteen years ago, its a rag today, and chances are it will be a rag for the next 15 years” - Bull_in_Exile ubfan.com

THE SPECTRUM: It’s got people talkin’!

Good TheHousekeeping Spectrum

March 31, 2010

CLAS S I F I E DS HELP WANTED

APARTMENT FOR RENT

SPRING-SUMMER JOB Openings.

LASERTRON Entertainment Center is currently hiring for Go-Kart operators, servers, referees & general customer service. Candidates should be available this spring, summer & possibly beyond. Working at a fast, detail oriented pace & having excellent customer service skills is a must. Starting at approximately $10.25/hr, must be available nights & weekends. Stop in & complete an application at LASERTRON, 5101 North Bailey Avenue, Amherst, NY.

1,3,4,5,6,7 & 8 BEDROOM homes available. Go to daveburnette.net or call Dave @ 716-445-2514.

$15 PER HOUR; part-time landscaping; cleaning; painting etc.

For UB area rental proper ties May to Sept; Request application from Ron1812@aol.com. RonYoung.com.

EXOTIC DANCERS: unique opportunity full and part-time. Work at a professional upscale club and earn big $$$$. 18+ call today and start earning tomorrow, 716-681-2280.

LIFEGUARDS NEEDED for Sturbridge Village Apts. May 31 thru season.

Must be CPR/ AED certified. Please call 688-2757 to apply.

ATTENTION YOUNG WOMEN ages 18-19 years! The University at Buffalo Research Institute is looking for young women ages 18-19 to volunteer for a study of teen alcohol use and social behavior. Earn up to $50 for answering questionnaires and participating in an interview. Confidential. Please call 887-3344 for more information.

PRIME LOCATIONS: Winspear, Northrup, Merrimac, Tyler, Englewood & more! For 2 to 10 people. Many in excellent condition! Experienced landlord lives in the neighborhood.

Call Jeremy Dunn (585) 261-6609 or jgdunn2@msn.com.

FREE FITNESS CENTER – No contract! www.luxuryaptswny.com/ub.

32 REMODELED APARTMENTS to choose from. 3,4,5,8 bedroom apartments located at University Buffalo Main Street campus off Englewood beginning June ’10. $250 to $275 per bedroom plus utilities. Washers & dryers included. Contact brad@ bufapt.com, 301-785-3773, or Shawn 716-984-7813. Check out our website: www.bufapt.com.

DA RTM O U T H / 2 , 3 b e d ro o m -***Great condition!*** Free laundry, all new kitchen/ bathroom, steel appliances, dishwasher, whirlpool tub, well-insulated, off-street parking, June 1/ yr lease, #432-9052.

2-BDRM APPLIANCES, carpet, $495+ walking distance to South Campus.

884-7900.

CLEAN SPACIOUS 3/4-bdrm duplex 1 mile from N. Campus. Newer appliances including dishwasher, microwave, washer/dryer & plenty of offstreet parking. Rent includes cable, high speed internet, water & garbage. $1000/ month 1 yr. lease. Begins 6/1/10. Call Tony 716-510-3527.

BARTENDER TRAINING

. Job Placement Assistance uition Discounts forClasses Students & Weekend Bartender’s ... Evening 40hr Hands - On Program Alcohol Awareness Certification Professional .. Licensed by New York State Education Dept. Training Age 18 Years & Older

874-9112

3815 Delaware Ave.,Kenmore

James Lesinski D.D.S. Gentle Dentistry Near the North Campus

691-4470 www.gentledentistwny.com

Attention Buffalo Students

Free

Heat - Internet - Cable - Fitness Tanning - Gym - Lounge - Wii Pool Table - Shuffleboard - X Box Movie Theater + Fully Furnished Private Baths - Washer and Dryer COLLEGIATE VILLAGE

www. CV WNY.com

833-3700 833-3700

Institute Inc.

15 19

CLASSIFIED ads may be placed at The Spectrum office at Suite 132 Student Union, Amherst Campus. Office hours are from 9:00 - 4:00 p.m. Monday thru Friday. Deadlines are Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 12:00 for display and 2:00 p.m. for classifieds for the next edition. Weekly rates are $10.00 for the first ten words and 75¢ for each additional word. All ads must be paid in advance. The ad must be placed in person or send a legible copy of the ad with a check or money order for full payment. No ads will be taken over the phone. The Spectrum reserves the right to edit any copy. No refunds will be given on classified ads. Please make sure copy is legible. The Spectrum does not assume responsibility for any errors except to reproduce any ad (or equivalent), free of charge, that is rendered valueless due to typographical errors. Please call 645-2152 within the next 10 minutes for any additional information.

4-BDRM & 1-BDRM. Owner pays utilities. Large rooms, off-street parking, appliances & carpeted. 716-984-6970

UNIVERSITY SOUTH – 2-bdrm lower, appliances, basement, yard & parking, $525.00, 716-479-5211.

HEATH & MINNESOTA. Totally renovated 3-4 large bedrooms, 1.5 baths & off-street parking. Appliances included, stove, refrigerator, washer & dryer.

Available June 1st, 716-570-6062.

ENGLEWOOD 7-BDRM 2 story apartment, 2 baths, living room, dining room, kitchen, wall-to-wall rugs, dishwasher & laundry, 716-688-6497.

M E R R I M AC 3 , 4 , 6 , 8 b e d r o o m updated kitchen, bath, dishwasher & laundry. $270 per person. Available June 1st, 716-308-5215.

ENGLEWOOD 6-BDRM, 2 story apartment, 2 baths, carpeting, living room, dining room, spiral stair case & kitchen with 2 refrigerators & dishwasher, 716-688-6497.

4-BDRM. GREAT layout, large rooms, hardwood floors, parking, laundry & security system, $250/ person + security, 716-578-5296.

ENGLEWOOD 4-BDRM, bath, kitchen with dishwasher, carpeting, living room & dining room, 716-688-6497.

4-BDRM. GREAT layout, large rooms, hardwood floors, laundry & security system, $265/ person + security, 716-830-3226.

1, 2 & 3 BEDROOM apartments.

Walking distance UB South Campus.

Tom – 716-570-4776.

4 BEDROOM, WALK to south campus/ bus. Large rooms, new carpet, appliances, laundry, security, parking.

June 1st (716) 568-1600.

3 BEDROOM, WALK to south campus/ bus, appliances, laundry, security, parking, June 1st, (716) 568-1600.

MAIN @ UNIVERSITY, 1 bdrm, $500 includes parking & all utilities, available May; RonYoung.com, 833-6322.

4 & 5 BDRM, 3-BATH @ Alexander Estates Sweet Home Road, North Campus, June 1 st , 716-688-2526, www.wyseproperties.com.

LISBON NEAR MAIN, large well-kept 3-bdrm upper & lower with all appliances, including dishwasher, laundry & o/s parking, WDMSC, available June 1st, $750 includes water & garbage, 716-864-4696.

3 & 4 BEDROOMS. Newly renovated near UB South & North, 510-5517, 884-1727.

BAILEY NEAR UB South Campus.

1-bdrm all utilities included. Available Now! $500. Call 716-835-9000.

HOUSE FOR RENT RonYoung.com. HOUSES, apartments, pictures, room sizes.

Ron1812@aol.com, 833-6322.

1,3,4,5,6,7 & 8 BEDROOM homes available. Go to daveburnette.net or call Dave @ 716-445-2514.

PRIME LOCATIONS: Winspear, Northrup, Merrimac, Tyler, Englewood & more! For 2 to 10 people. Many in excellent condition! Experienced landlord lives in the neighborhood.

Call Jeremy Dunn (585) 261-6609 or jgdunn2@msn.com.

HEATH, ENGLEWOOD, Minnesota – steps from Main St., 3,4,5 & 6 master bdrms, 2 full baths, free stove & fridge, washer & dryer, off-street parking, $225 - $275. Available June 1st. Hurry the good ones go first! 716-570-6062.

MERRIMAC & HEATH, 3,4,5,7,8 bedrooms. Dishwasher, free laundry & parking, $275/ pp, 870-8100.

6 & 7 BEDROOM houses, walk to south campus/ bus, appliances, laundry, security, parking. June 1 st , (716) 568-1600.

4 OR 5 BDRM. Absolutely gorgeous, w/w carpeting, 1 + ½ baths, new windows, furnace, security system, stainless steel stove, refrigerator, dishwasher, washer/ dryer, off-street parking 4-cars. Must see! $335 person + utilities, Gino 830-1413.

5/6 HUGE BEDROOMS!! Mature students to share beautiful house.

Washer/ dryer, parking & security.

Must see!! 716-873-2059.

SERVICES CityA1DrivingSchool.com. Beginners & brush-up driving lessons. 5 hrs class, $30.00, 716-875-4662.

HEY FOLKS: Stay tuned to The Spectrum for the thrilling conclusion of The Classifieds, starring Goods and Services. Same, place, same time, but on Friday.

SportsThe Illustrated Spectrum for Kids

16 20

March 31, 2010

SW E A T & BA L L S NHL moving to Hamilton

By MITCH COMESTEIN Staff Writer

Amidst the most successful season in franchise history, it was announced late Monday night that the Valley of the Sun will be without professional hockey starting in 2011.

The Phoenix Coyotes (47-23-6) will be changing climates to start next season as they become the Hamilton Tigers and return to the country that calls hockey home.

Before becoming the Coyotes, the team was known as

the Winnipeg Jets and only moved to the Grand Canyon State because of financial difficulties. As irony would have it, a long financial struggle would send the franchise back to Canada nearly 15 years later.

After declaring bankruptcy on May 5, 2009, former owner Jerry Moyes was forced to sell the team to the NHL. Several attempts by the league to sell the club to a local business owner failed before the co-CEO of Research in Motion, Jim Balsillie, stepped

SIDELINES

in and was approved as the new owner of the team.

Balsille will move the Tigers to Hamilton, Ontario and has an arena already in place for the team in Copps Coliseum.

“The people of Hamilton deserve this,” Basillie said.

“We’re going to bring a Stanley Cup to the Great North once more.”

This was Balsille’s third bid to the league to purchase a franchise. His see TIGERS page 14

Kourtney Brown called out by celebrity

Courtesy of Hamilton Tigers

The Phoenix Coyotes have found a new home north of the border.

Buffalo’s own basketball upset

By CHRISTY SUHR Asst. Sports Editor

The courts of Alumni Arena have never seen so much excitement or so much drama.

Friday night, the men’s and women’s basketball teams came together for a friendly postseason game for charity.

The men’s team was playing for a cure for diabetes, while the women’s team was playing for Rihanna’s Battered Women and Children Fund.

Both teams pulled out all the stops in an effort to earn bragging rights as the better Bulls basketball team. The men were confident that they were going to take the title, but they did not deliver as the women came out on top, 72-57.

The men started out strong, taking a 6-0 lead off of backto-back 3-pointers by senior guard John Boyer and senior

Courtesy of ???

She’s got game! The women’s basketball team spanked the men’s squad in a postseason scrimmage.

forward Calvin Betts. A threepointer by junior forward Jessica Fortman and a twopoint jumper by sophomore guard Brittany Hedderson put the women right back in it with 16:41 left in the first half.

Freshman guard Chrissy Cooper earned a chance to take the lead after Victor E. Bull, the referee for the night, called a foul on senior guard Sean Smiley. Cooper sank both foul shots to give the women a 7-6 advantage with 16:01 remaining.

Senior guard Rodney Pierce attempted to regain the lead by driving in for a lay-up, but junior forward Kourtney Brown stripped him of the ball, much to the dismay of Pierce and everyone on the sidelines.

“I couldn’t believe it when she stripped me, but then see MBBALL page 13

Former quarterback accused of using steroids

By GENE FRENKLE Staff Reporter

Courtesy of Rob Johnson

The Buffalo Bills are still searching for a 2010 quarterback. Got skills?

Maybe you can be the team’s next gunslinger.

Bills open quarterback position to public

By JOE PATERNO Penn State Head Football Coach

Jack Kemp, Joe Ferguson, Jim Kelly and Drew Bledsoe are all great quarterbacks in Buffalo Bills history.

You could be next.

New head coach Chan Gailey announced late Tuesday afternoon that the Bills will hold open quarterback tryouts to the public over a two-week period leading up to the NFL Draft.

“This is a unique opportunity to add some raw talent to our depth chart for training camp,” Gailey said during a press conference at One Bills Drive. “Mr. Wilson, Buddy

[Nix] and myself debated back and forth over the idea of an open tryout. But ultimately, we decided it would be in the best interest of the franchise to open our doors to some quarterbacks out there who haven’t been given a shot under center in the NFL.” The Bills have had a glaring hole at the quarterback position since Bledsoe left via free agency after the 2004 season.

Since then, the franchise has experimented with five different signal callers: Kelly Holcomb, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Trent Edwards, Brian Brohm and former first round pick see BILLS page 14

When Zach Maynard, former starting quarterback of the football team, left Buffalo earlier this year and transferred to play for the California Bears, many questions arose surrounding his reasons for departure.

The picture has become much clearer now.

According to an employee at drug-testing agency Quest Diagnostics who wishes to remain anonymous, Maynard tested positive for nandrolone, an anabolic steroid commonly known as “Deca.” The drug has been a popular choice in the past for athletes looking for a surefire – albeit illegal – way to bulk up.

According to the source, who administers drug tests daily at the Quest Diagnostics lab at 3980 Sheridan Drive in Amherst, Maynard came in for a routine drug test shortly after new head coach Jeff Quinn was hired to replace former head coach Turner Gill, who left for Kansas.

“I don’t know why he came in for a drug test at Quest,”

Junior forward Kourtney Brown of the women’s basketball team has always been close with her cousin, R&B sensation Chris Brown. Singer Rihanna, however, felt that she is too close and flew into Buffalo this past weekend to pay the rebounding stud a not-so-friendly visit.

Rihanna stormed into the scrimmage between the men’s and women’s basketball teams and began screaming how Brown “is going to need an SOS after Rihanna boots her out of the gym.” She was quickly restrained and escorted from Alumni Arena, but her threats will be heard across the nation.

The altercation apparently took place after Brown was spotted by TMZ with her cousin walking around downtown Buffalo.

New addition to Athletic Department adds cocaine course The Athletic Communication office recently announced a slew of position shifts within its department. These changes were originally claimed to come from Athletic Director Warde Manuel, but a recent report revealed that there might have been another person involved.

Although it is still speculation, officials close to the situation have told The Spectrum that UB ran out of money and couldn’t afford to pay Manuel his current salary. They gave the Athletic Director two options: take a 50 percent pay cut or share 25 percent of his salary with a co-director.

Reports show that Manuel pulled out his calculator and after about 30 minutes of intense number crunching, he concluded that sharing his salary would save him more money.

He has allegedly hired former Binghamton University Athletic Director Joel Thirer to rectify the situation. Thirer has already made his presence felt by adding a drug-dealing course, where he will teach student-athletes how to make extra cash in the struggling economy.

Athletic Communications Department named Sexiest Collegiate Media Liaisons The NCAA has come out with its annual top 10 Sexiest Collegiate Media Liaison List and the University at Buffalo’s Athletic Communication office earned the No. 1 spot. The committee chose the best looking staff based on three critera: how the staff looks in their day-to-day clothing, how chiseled the staff looks without a shirt on and lastly, shoe size.

UB’s team got a perfect 10 out of 10 for the first category. According to judge Tim Gunn, “Buffalo’s signature blue polos and khaki pants were considered both chic and sexy.”

For the second criterion, UB again passed with flying colors. On a scale from 1 to 10, the team received a score of “supersexy.” Gunn specifically stated that Brian Wolff, athletic communications assistant director, “has a body that any man would die for.” In the final category, UB’s Athletic Communication staff had an impressive average of size 14.

You know what they say about guys with big feet, right? Big socks. With that being said, Gold Toe, the popular sock company, will help sponsor a firefighterthemed calendar featuring the entire Athletic Communication staff. Proceeds are to go towards the creation of the field house that will be located behind UB Stadium.

New MAC sponsor

Courtesy of Your Mom

The truth about a former athlete has been revealed. Before quarterback Zach Maynard packed up, he was taking steroids to get jacked up.

said the source, who asked that he simply be referred to as Malcolm. “We’ve never tested NCAA athletes here as part of their official program.”

Malcolm did speculate, however, as to why Maynard, who passed for 2,694 yards and 18 touchdowns last season, may have come in that day.

“Maybe he was trying to see if the steroids would show up, just in case the NCAA were to test him,” Malcolm said. “Or

maybe [Quinn] was testing his new players to make sure he had a clean team. But I don’t ask questions. I was just doing my job.”

The test results, which were obtained by The Spectrum, did not show that Maynard had taken any other illegal substances besides the nandrolone.

Members of Buffalo’s see MAYNARD page 10

In a press conference Tuesday, McDonald’s has announced that it will be the new official sponsor of the Mid-American Conference. The deal, costing the popular fast-food joint nearly $40 million, will also bring many food options from the chain restaurant to locations on all school campuses that are in the MAC. Locally, the stands in UB Stadium and Alumni Arena will all be converted to smaller McDonald’s locations.

As part of this new initiative, McDonald’s will hold Big Mac eating contests at every Bulls home game. In addition, instead of releasing the MAC Player of the Week award, the MAC will honor the Big Mac Eater of the Week.