ignis fatuus

ignis fatuus PAU VILLAROSA

i shift my weight; one foot to another, fiddling with the bouquet of white roses in my hand as the doors creak open—

my heart quickens and my breath hitches as i hear a slight rustling behind me—

i focus my gaze towards the end of the aisle. a tear trickles from my (wide) eye, my heart steels as i lock gaze with no one.

beads of sweat trickle down my (creased) forehead as i turn around with shaking hands.

their stares drill themselves into me— piercing my trembling frame. the milieu before me spirals along with my whole being— pitch black.

i’m wide awake—that i knew yet my mother’s quarters is filled with phantoms, her laments dulling in my ears.

i no longer know if i’m awake or still in deep slumber— slowly slipping away.

she (repeatedly) struck me— ripping my sanity bit by bit spreading it far from my reach yet the anguish did me more damage.

they (tightly) held me down— constricting any life inside my retching form yet nothing but wrath wailed within me.

He fled—he left you standing there, alone. He tricked you, embarrassed you in front of your kin and you still pine away for that fool?! i looped it in my mind, swallowed it down my throat, and lashed it in my gut.

She left you here—alone, she never loved you! She knew but she let you walk straight into it—alone! it echoed in my ears, prickled my skin and shivered down my spine; curdling whatever blood left in my veins.

it’s stifled but it rung above the chaos. (maybe) it’s a mirage— i reach out, following your lead. it’s fleeting, swift, (maybe) i grazed against your warm fingertips yet (maybe) i missed it.

letting the torrents stream down my eyes blurring my vision, tightening my chest, Salvacion.

closing my lids skidding gently into a darker void— Vicente.

PHOTO BY INOCENCIO JOHN KEITH V. FERRER V