Overcome conflict in tense roommate situations

Dudenhoeffer: Stretch your conflict-resolution muscles in tense roommate situations

Living with a roommate comes with a vast expanse of uncharted territory that’s often challenging to navigate. Even when tensions are at an all-time high and you’re ready to rip your hair out because of an inconsiderate roommate, remember there’s something to learn from it.

It may not seem like it when a roommate never does their dishes or when they play loud music into the wee hours of the morning, but living with another person is one of the best ways to learn valuable, adult skills such as conflict resolution, communication and task management.

Think of it this way: If your abdominal muscles get stronger every time you do a situp, the same goes for your communication muscles. Each time you confront a sticky situation with a roommate, you’re unlocking more skills and becoming a more well-rounded person.

Ericka Peppers, director of operations for Bryan Properties — which operates student housing and apartments, multiplexes, shopping centers, and office buildings in and around Springfield — said living with a roommate helps young people grow and learn selfless behaviors. She said roommates need to work together for the common ground of their shared home.

“Take a breather. Remove yourself from a stressful environment.” -Ericka Peppers, Bryan Properties director of operations

What comes to my mind on the subject of shared spaces is my partner’s refrigerator. He shares his apartment with one other person, and his roommate does not do a good job of divvying-up the fridge space. My partner thinks the fridge should be split straight down the center, so each person has their own side. But his roommate buys so many groceries that he takes up around three-quarters of the fridge and freezer, leaving very little space for my partner.

This problem always makes me laugh because all my partner needs to do is bring his grievances to his roommate. He hasn’t tried just asking him to not buy, like, 30 onions at once. Seriously though, why does he have a drawer chocked full of yellow onions?

Peppers said the best advice for someone going through a tense situation with a roommate is to have good communication. Students are often too afraid to bring up a conflict with the other person, she said.

Kelly Baker, senior graphic design major, said living with roommates helped her learn to accept when she is wrong.

“It’s mostly my fault,” Baker said with a laugh. “I am a very messy person, and I’ve lived with two different clean people.”

Baker lives alone now, but when she lived with others, she said she’d always give her roommates space during tense situations.

“If your roommate is mad at you and you can tell, step out for an hour or so,” Baker recommended. “Then, try to have a calm conversation when everyone’s calmed down. Listen to them. Apologize and be open to the fact that you might have been wrong.”

Peppers gave the same advice.

“Take a breather,” Peppers said. “Remove yourself from a stressful environment.”

Talking with a roommate takes a lot of courage, but Peppers recommended students try to take pride in confronting the intimidating situation.

Next time your roommate buys 30 onions, endure the discomfort of confrontation and take pride in your ability to resolve problems. After all, the discomfort is much greater when you stay quiet about something that’s bothering you.