9 minute read
Great Expectations Setting realistic goals
Great expectations
and how to adjust them for success
by Sudie Crouch Health & Wellness columnist
“I want to weigh what I did when I was 20.”
We’ve all had similar goals we wanted to accomplish, even if they weren’t exactly like those listed.
Having an ambitious goal can be a great motivation and allows us a way to really hone in our focus as we work towards achieving it.
But what if we create goals that may be a bit out of reach?
Hear me out for a minute.
Having a goal that challenges us is fantastic!
It makes us stretch ourselves a bit to reach it, either by building on what we’ve been doing or by trying something new.
And having those big goals can also help us prove to ourselves that we can do the difficult things we set our minds to.
“Find love and get married this year.”
But what if we sometimes create goals that may not be realistic or attainable?
Pushing ourselves towards a new level of success is incredible – it’s something I always encourage. We just need to ensure what we’re working towards won’t be self-defeating because it’s an unattainable goal.
Creating realistic goals is important
Wanting to weigh what we did when we were in our 20’s is a great example of a goal that may not be realistic. Depending on your current age, there may have been considerable changes that our bodies can go through since that time that can make weighing the same thing difficult. Childbirth, illness, physical trauma, etc. are some examples that come to mind of why reaching that specific number may not be possible.
Reframing this goal into something more manageable can be a great approach to help you achieve the overall essence of the goal (healthier weight) versus trying to reach a certain weight from a different point in your life.
A great way to shift this expectation would be to focus on healthier choices you could make and what you are able to do at your current age. What does that specific number mean to you? Did you feel more confident at that weight, and if so, what would be a number you’d feel just as confident at now?
Honoring your body and what it has gone through since it was that weight can be helpful, too. Acknowledging your strength, mobility, etc. provides the opportunity to see ourselves as more than just a number on a scale. While we can definitely pull on previous success to prove that we can reach goals, sometimes we also have to accept that some of those goals may not truly align with who we are now.
Small steps lead to big results
If your goal involves achieving something you’ve never done before – like running a 10 minute mile – it can still be attainable, you may just need to adapt those expectations about how you achieve it. Breaking a larger goal down into smaller, more achievable goals to reach along the way is one solid approach. This not only helps you build your confidence as you reach those markers of success but can also help prevent the sense of overwhelm that can come from a goal that may be a bit larger than we anticipated. As you see yourself achieving those smaller goals, it gives you a sense of accomplishment and helps provide a foundation of success to build off of moving forward. As the old saying goes, Rome wasn’t built in a day, so being able to take smaller steps towards those bigger goals can help you reach them.
Being intentional
When it comes to some of those more interpersonal goals, it can be just as challenging but some of the underlying techniques are the same: being realistic and having smaller areas to focus on. Sometimes we feel pressure to be in a relationship because everyone else around us is in one, or our family is pressuring us to settle down. If you’re wanting to see a difference in your relationships this year, think about what it is you’re really seeking. Have you thought about the qualities you’d like in a spouse or partner? What is important to you in a relationship? And most importantly, what would your deal-breakers be? When we start to focus in on the qualities we want in our interpersonal relationships, it helps us start to look for them. Do you feel comfortable with online dating and if not, where can you go to meet new people? While some people do meet and marry within a year, that may not be the ideal situation for you. Being honest with yourself about what you’re looking for is a great way to reframe this expectation and can provide some necessary peace, too.
Being able to adapt and adjust our goals to where they are reachable can help us shift our expectations to where we can achieve that success – and feel good about it in the process.
Sudie Crouch is a health & wellness coach, helping clients create healthy, attainable changes using positive psychology and cognitive behavior approaches.
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