Dear, Sebastian

by: Carl John U. Ramos

Do you remember that Christmas Eve when we built a castle out of blankets from your grandma’s room? It is nothing like in the movies if we look at it in hindsight, but through our eyes, it was Winterfell. We spent so much time building it that we never had a chance to play inside cause your mom has already called us for dinner. Your mom ' s a buzzkill; it is not new when you ' re in an Asian household. But like other Asian Moms, your mom cooks so well. I think that was the best dinner I have had for the whole year.

I was a bit shy that night cause I didn't get you anything. But you ' re so cool about it You tapped my arm and said, "It's enough that you ' re here" I just knew you were my best friend when you said that We've been friends since we ' re in kinder, so you ' re the best friend I got, perhaps the best I'll ever get

You know what I learned that night? that gifts aren't just material things; some gifts can't be covered in gift wraps I was enough as a present for you, and I think that is the sweetest thing

I still wish I should have got you something tho, like a mug, maybe? I mean, it's the default when you can't afford or think of a gift for someone, lol.

I was still traumatized because of that “Boga” you made me try. The way it exploded before my hands still haunt me at night. But I'm glad I tried it because I could see how happy you were when you saw my reaction.

Your smile shined brighter than all the Christmas lights that night. All the colors exploded at full brightness in your eyes as we watched the fireworks display It almost felt like the first time I saw you smile that way; I hate how it would also be the last

I wish I didn't have to go home before midnight I wished I stayed till the morning Maybe I could have spent more time with you Maybe

I still celebrate Christmas with your parents, Seb Your Mom's Macaroni Salad is still the best Your dogs rushed me for a cuddle when they saw me approaching the door.

Since that day, I've been writing to you because I still couldn't process what happened. I know it’s been five years, but every Christmas without you still feels different.

Christmas Eve is supposed to be our thing. But you left me here all alone.

I still got that set of color pencils you gave, btw. Unfortunately, I couldn't use it to color all the plans we had.

I know you ' re in a better place now I hope you ' re getting some chocolates there; cause I know how much you like chocolates. Kidding aside, I miss you. It will take some time. You really don't know how to move on when you lose the best person you have.

But I'm starting to realize, maybe some things just end too early, but it doesn't mean it left no mark. I will forever cherish that mark; even it somehow looks like a scar

You're my best friend, Sebastian. You will always be.

And whenever it's Christmas Eve, I'll go back to that Night when we built that castle and think of the dragons we slew when we had our time.

And guess what? This time I got you a present

Long live all the magic we made. Merry Christmas!

Love, Cosmic.