4 minute read
The One Bad Egg
- Israelmore Ayivor
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The One Bad Egg
BEING A GOOD HOST AND GUEST + HOW TO DEAL WITH CHALLENGING ATTENDEES
By Paulette Wooten
Holiday gatherings can bring the challenge of emotional triggers floating to the surface, like testing an egg for freshness. Safe to say, we ’ve all known a rotten egg at some time. And perhaps we ’ve even been the rotten egg.
Spring seems a good time to think about good eggs and bad ones. So here are some tips to help you be the best egg you can be!
Ask yourself what challenges might arise and plan how you’ll handle each situation. As any former Girl Scout will tell you, “Being Prepared” can make all the difference in the world!
BE A GOOD EGG HOST
Make a plan.
Timing is everything to be a relaxed, fully present host. It requires scheduling food prep, cooking times, flowers, setting the table, setting up drink and dessert areas, lighting candles, etc. When a hostess is at ease, the atmosphere is more likely to comfortable and inviting. Also, it will help you to focus on the needs of your guests and not be distracted.
Let things go.
Not all gatherings require attention to detail. Some are laid-back using paper plates and napkins, but there are special occasions where you desire to take it up a notch. When it comes to those times and someone brings their side dish from Publix in a flimsy plastic container, and it sticks out like a chicken among a flock of flamingos. You have envisioned the presentation to be pristine and classy, like a magazine layout or Pinterest pin. Have a few platters and bowls on hand. (Again, part of making a plan.) Thank your guest for their dish and let them know you have the perfect serving plate and utensil for their dish.
Disarm.
Some folks are hard-to-please. They show up with an entire side dish of complaints and critiques of ways you could do better. A tip that works is to offer an apology. “I’m sorry you don’t like this. Sorry, you don’t prefer the flowers I chose.” I’m sorry is one of the best ways to disarm; it can mean, I see you.
Ask.
“What can I do to make this a pleasurable experience?” If it’s about food, ask them to join you in the kitchen to see if you have something or you can prepare especially for them. That effort may be enough to subdue them or help them focus their attention elsewhere. If the guest is frequenting your table, find out what they like and have it on hand. Take it to the next level and reach out before the gathering together and ask, “It’s important to me for you to enjoy our time together and want to see if I need add something to the menu. ”
BE A GOOD EGG GUEST
Running Late.
If you know your host will be running late with lunch, eat a snack before arriving. If you’re running late, have the courtesy to let them know your ETA. Most hosts appreciate the heads up so they can plan accordingly and make adjustments if necessary.
Plan ahead.
Anticipate issues around food, other attendees (family members, exes), emotions, relational tensions. You know there’s tension between cousins. Let yourself off the hook. It’s not your responsibility to fix it. Aunt Barbara is a negative Nelly, poo-poo-ing almost everything. Ask her for some more details about her reaction. She may not even be aware of her default dampening comment and may need a little attention. If you know that Uncle Bob will corner you and ask 100 questions, decide in advance what you will and will not disclose.
Escape Plan.
Have an escape plan instead of on-the-spot excuses. Preplan phrases that help you feel safe. Even practice saying them out loud. “I’m gonna see if they need help in the kitchen.” “I need to check my phone for a few moments.” “I’m gonna grab another drink.” If things are too uncomfortable, it may be time to find the best way to leave. When possible, be honest and direct with the hostess, but if you know that’s not an option, graciously exit quickly and quietly… we call that the ‘Hillbilly Slip’ in The South.
A FEW GOOD EGG-TRA TIPS
Re-direct.
Move the conversation along. Have pre-planned discussions, topics, questions in mind. If the talk goes too far and becomes foul and rotten, acknowledge the awkwardness and divert the subject by asking about someone’s latest trip, new job, children, etc. What’ s your favorite Easter memory? What Easter traditions did your family have when you were growing up? Does anyone have an Easter disaster story?
Pick your battles.
Let go of anything petty. Find common ground. Wait it out. Is it worth it? Will it make a difference tomorrow? Try to be wise and adhere to the ancient Proverb “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”
Listen.
Be curious. Practice being present. Listen to understand instead of to respond.
Anytime is a good time to be a good egg.
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