TRANSITIONING WITH AN AGING PARENT

By Allison Rodgers • Follow on IG @allisonrodgers

Did you know that females over 45 — spend a large percentage of their time caring for aging parents?

I feel a tinge of guilt even typing that. As women, it’s a role we step into and not many are talking about what it means for our families, our careers, our lives. And we need to. We need the conversation around this to be REAL. Caring for an aging parent is not usually a short season. It’s not something that will pass in a few days. It is long-term care and assistance and it needs to be sustainable for us. It’s this weird space of being a grown-up, getting your kids to a semi-launched state, hitting a groove in your job, and then an unspoken extra career quietly gets added into the mix. We’re supposed to manage it without missing a beat. FRIENDS - that is not possible or logical. My mom was in the hospital for 64 days home for 7 - and now she’s been back in for 19.

Currently, she’s struggling with kidney failure, dialysis, extreme confusion, and a few other issues that happen when you’re in the hospital too long. Hopefully, these problems are temporary. This is not a fast process, and there is something new every day. Caregiving and patient advocating is a full-time job. We feel guilty for even sounding like we’re complaining about providing this care. We don’t want our parents to feel bad for needing our time. So we stay quiet. I will happily help take care of my mom for as long as she is here. But I can’t ignore the fact that her long-term care has long-term effects on my life. Good and bad. We have to address our grief about our parents’ health and the grief we have about what it means for us. Doing that well IS how we honor our parents. And it will teach our kids how to honor us. Are you in this season? Let’s be in it together. I’m tired and I’m really tired of being quiet.

If you’re a caregiver of a parent or have recently lost a parent, follow Allison @allisonrodgers as she navigates surviving her parents at 47.

SLOW HEALING

Hospital - day 19 ICU day 11

There’s not a shortcut for long suffering and slow healing. - In our world of instant gratification - this makes us feel lost.

This whole time I thought the goal - the destination - was surgery. I was wrong. Maybe that’s just what my brain could handle. A week ago today - after 8 hours in the OR - a team escorted my mom into her room with her eyes taped shut, & the sound of a ventilator breathing. I stood back & quietly watched them arrange & label a million tubes coming out of her body. Everything about this moment felt so heavy - as if the weight of the room was pressing me into the corner. I was scared to watch, I didn't want to miss what was happening, & it felt like she was in this weird space of living, breathing & not. Right then - I thought “well - crap - I’m a big dummy. ” Surgery was just a stop on this journey & now we’re headed somewhere with an unknown path & timeline. Some of you reached out to me the day after surgery & gently said “what’s next is the hard part. ” I am grateful to be with my mom, help care for her & walk with her into whatever is next especially since our relationship hasn’t been the easiest. This part is not fun and I have no clue what I’m doing. Dang it some siblings would be nice right now! For the patient as well as the caregiver - this type of journey is physically, emotionally, mentally exhausting. There’s not a shortcut for long suffering and slow healing. In our world of instant gratification - this makes us feel lost. Most of us journey in the dark - alone - not sharing the struggle because it doesn’t fit-in with the happy hustle. Beauty and healing can be found if you’ll venture into the dark & heavy corners of life. It’s where we learn to understand ourselves, our wounds, the people who did the wounding & how we’ve wounded. Impatience comes & asks “are we there yet - are we done? This stop was not on the map. ” I can tell you that this path is filled with a bunch of “rerouting” notifications & an unknown ETA. It doesn’t matter how many maps you look at, they all say something different. If you are on this journey - I see you - rest, eat well, get some sunshine, stretch, breathe. If you haven’t left yet, but are heading this direction soon - let me know - I may have some travel tips.