ADVICE COLUMN DEAR BECKY

SCAN HERE TO SUBMIT QUESTIONS!

"I’m going to college next year and I don’t know if I should stay with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for a while now but I feel like it would be stressful for me to do long distance. I lost most of my high school years so I want to be able to explore during college. What do I do?"

I have been with my partner for four years. For three of those four years, we have gone to different colleges hours apart. It was difficult at first. Heartbreaking. There was jealousy sometimes. Insecurity, fear, and missing each other. This lead to candid conversations, building incredible trust, finding new ways to express our love and have engaging conversations from a distance. It was painful at first, sure, but it was the most life changing experience for us both. We have learned so much about ourselves, and each other. We have developed separate identities, separate groups of friends, separate hobbies – then at the end of the night, we reconvene and tell each other all about it.

I think we would’ve really struggled to build our own identities if we lived in the same place, because the truth is that we are clingy. We are best friends. If we had the option, we’d go everywhere together, and all we’d ever be known as is the other’s partner. We both have really appreciated this challenge – and the ways in which it has established our own unique identities and helped us build incredible communication skills and trust for one another.

That being said, it isn’t for everyone. For some, if their partner isn’t right in front of them, it can be difficult to stay motivated to work on the relationship. If you are going into your first year with the desire to explore your options, then I think you have answered your own question. There is nothing wrong with that. And that being said, you know yourself. If you know long distance isn’t for you, save yourself the hardship. Make the choice that is right for you, your relationship, and the circumstances. I support you either way!

XO, Becky