The Unfiltered Archive: Vulnerability in Digital Spaces

VOLUME 1 • ISSUE NO. 1 • VULNERABILITY

THE UNFILTERED ARCHIVE

INSTAGRAM: @THE.FICKLE.ARTIST

CONTENTS 3 INTRODUCTION

13 VULNERABILITY

BY PRAMEELA BOORADA

INTERVIEW SERIES BY PRAMEELA BOORADA

Hi. My name is Prameela. Here's a little something about me. And a little something more about the inspiration and journey behind the creation of "The Unfiltered Archive" Project.

Vulnerability is such an integral part of wellbeing.

This is an interview series that highlights how individuals understand it, traverse it and learn from it differently.

7 DIGITAL MINDFULNESS

19 LETTER TO MYSELF

ARTICLE BY ANVITA JAIN

POEM BY PREYRNA YADAV

The digital world is a double-edged sword with numerous positive and negative implications. Here's a take on how to mindfully interact with digital spaces so that you can enhance your wellness.

A beautiful take on vulnerability and the journey to self-love and self-empowerment.

9 THE DIFFICULT QUESTIONS

21 GET OUT OF THE NEST WITH WELLNESS

POEM BY PRAMEELA BOORADA

RESEARCH ARTICLE BY FALIN SHAH

What is solitude? What is isolation? How do you reconcile with them? How do you grow from them?

A poem about sitting with oneself and questioning the peace as as well the chaos that ensues.

Wellness concentrates on the five dimensions of health which relate to the mind, body, and spirit. Take a look at the research behind the holistic connection and why it’s important to take care of ourselves.

11 LET'S GET DEEP IN THE WELL

23 YOSEMITE

ARTICLE BY FALIN SHAH

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ERIC VAN LE

From improving memory, information processing and empathy - here is an in-depth look into the psychological and physiological benefits of journalling.

Take a pause to look at the magnificence of the Tunnel View at Yosemite National Park. Take a second to breathe and be grateful for the beauty that nature has to offer.

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CONTINUED 25 VULNERABILITY AND IDENTITY

39 FACADES AND FIXATIONS

INTERVIEW SERIES BY PRAMEELA BOORADA

POEM BY PRAMEELA BOORADA

A youth-focused interview series that highlights the impact of social media visibility on one's vulnerability and on the journey to understanding their identity.

AÂ poem that digs deeper into things that we fixate on and the stories we tell ourselves to seek comfort when we're met with uncertainty.

31 AM I SOMETHING ENOUGH

41 VULNERABILITY AND VISIBILITY

POEM BY PRAMEELA BOORADA

INTERVIEW SERIES BY PRAMEELA BOORADA

A poem about the heartache and the unavoidable self-doubt that comes with traversing a hyphenated identity in the USA.

Visibility is a double-edged sword - it can encourage vulnerability as well as make us susceptible to violence. This interview series highlights several artists and their journeys navigating the impacts of visibility.

33 ALL THE POSTS THAT COULD'VE BEEN

47 I. E.XPLORE

ARTICLE BY JUAN GALLARDO

POEM BY VEDHA GHANTA

A vulnerable look into the anxiety, self-doubt and harshness that accompanies self-expression on social media.

A poem about the fascination, the beauty and the perils behind exploring digital spaces in the absence proper guidance.

35 VULNERABILITY AND VALIDATION

49 GRATITUDE

INTERVIEW SERIES BY PRAMEELA BOORADA

BY PRAMEELA BOORADA

Social impact orgs have built several safe spaces effectively. This interview series highlights organizational efforts to build spaces that encourage vulnerability while balancing safe validaton.

Gratitude for everyone who supported me, in a myriad of ways, on this journey. And some next steps to keep in touch and stay subscribed!

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PRAMEELA BOORADA Hi. My name is Prameela Boorada. I've been a storyteller since I was about 3 years old. I had so many things wanting to pour out of me - be it emotions, reactions, observations and imaginations. And that's been my life ever since - always figuring out a new way to tell a new story. So, really, it's no surprise that I first took to art, dance and poetry.

Painting is my way of visualizing the clusterfuck of emotions I hold inside my head. Dancing is my way of empathizing with characters and histories. Writing is my way of giving language to the feelings that were meant to be buried.

And that sense of always wanting to connect with people, learn their stories and paint their insights pushed me to pursue Psychology in my Undergrad. It was there that I got involved in Mental Health Advocacy and Sexual Assault Advocacy. I primarily designed/led workshops that were focused around reducing stigma around these topics in South Asian Communities. I still continue similar work through MannMukti (as a Sr. Development Chair) and with HeadStream Innovation (as a Advocacy/Storytelling Fellow).

My experiences in art and advocacy (coupled with my work in product design) showed me that there is a gaping hole where socially-impactful products are supposed to exist. There is a chasm between the needs of marginalized populations and the influx of products that emerging everyday. Understanding and bridging this gap is my primary inspiration to pursue further studies and a career in social entrepreneurship.

Granted my life story sounds like a roller coaster with unexpected twists and turns - I like to believe that it was my passion- for storytelling, connection and building a better world- that acts as a compass and keep me going. So, let's see how far I ll go.

WEBSITE www.theunfilteredarchive.com

www.thefickleartist.myportfolio.com

INSTAGRAM @theunfilteredarchive @the.fickle.artist

LINKEDIN in/prameela-boorada/

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So, I am the art, empathy and intellect behind "The Unfiltered Archive" project. What started out as an attempt to infuse inclusivity and unfurl the mystery behind digital wellbeing turned into 23 interviews. 40 hours. 45 questions.

Including stories from: 3 queer folx. 10 womxn of color. 21 people of color.

3 organizations. 5 young folx. 6 entrepreneurs.

7 engineers. 9 influencers. 13 artists. 14 advocates.

So, take one of those 45 questions asking what vulnerability means to people and what you end up getting is a 50 page magazine spread.

So here's a look into visibility, vulnerability and wellbeing - all unfiltered, authentic and meaningful.

PROJECT BREAKDOWN "The Unfiltered Archive" is a storytelling project centered around visibility on social media - and how it connects to digital wellness. On one hand, visibility provides an opportunity to be openly vulnerable, explore oneself and find community. On the other hand, it could also make people (and communities) susceptible to community violence, exacerbate social connection/belonging and catalyze an addiction to unhealthy digital behavior.

So what do we choose to be visible about? How does it impact our vulnerability? Our wellbeing? What does this mean?

How is visibility connected to wellbeing?

VISIBILITY

ADVOCACY

ARTISTS

Why is the visibility of safety important?

EXPECTATIONS

GROWTH

CREATION

SAFETY

So I decided to look at different domains of visibility

YOUTH

Why is the visibility of creation important?

Why is the visibility of growth important?

INFLUENCERS

Why is the visibility of expectations important?

How is wellbeing connected to visibility?

WELLBEING

I broke down different components of digital wellbeing

The focus of this edition

SELF CARE

VULNERABILITY

DISCOMFORT

EMPOWERMENT

LOVE

GROWTH

ACCOUNTABILITY

UNLEARNING

RESILIENCE

How do the different components of wellbeing play into the journey of vulnerability?

How is vulnerability connected to

IDENTITY

How is vulnerability connected to

THE ART OF NAVIGATING DIGITAL SPACES

VALIDATION

How is vulnerability connected to

THE ART OF BALANCE IN DIGITAL SPACES

VISIBILITY

THE ART OF EXISTING IN DIGITAL SPACES Page 4

CONTENT CONTRIBUTORS

FALIN SHAH

JUAN GALLARDO

ERIC VAN LE

PREYRNA YADAV

Writer, Researcher

ANVITA JAIN

Writer

Photographer

Writer

VEDHA GHANTA

Poet

Poet

ART CONTRIBUTORS PRAMEELA BOORADA

ILANA NGUYEN

Arist

JAKOB OWENS Photographer

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Artist

LENNON CHENG Photographer

SAMUEL AUSTIN Photographer

INTERVIEWEES ABHI RAVINUTALA

AKASH MADDALA

CEO, MannMukti

Beatboxer and Music Producer

CARLA LOURY

ILANA NGUYEN

ANVITA JAIN VP Partnerships, MannMukti

ISAIAH GRANT

Program Manager, HeadStream

Youth Fellow, HeadStream

KUNAL BHATTACHARJEE

MANASWINI AVVARI

MARIAH BERMEO

Music Producer

Kuchipudi Choreographer

Founder, VeggieMijas

MATT SCOTT

MICHAEL FU

Youth Leader, RYSE

MICHELLE LIN

Manager of Storytelling, 2Muse

Founder, Project Zeeni

Fundraising Manager, RYSE

RIDHI VURITI

SAILESH KUMAR

SAMYUTA KALIGOTLA

Hip Hop Choreographer/Instructor

SID VERMA VP Operations, MannMukti

VAIDEHI GAJJAR Writer and Editor, BrownGirlMag

Chief Growth Officer, MannMukti

STEPHANIE SAIZ Civil Engineer

Kuchipudi Dancer

STEPHEN WU Mechanical Engineer

VANESSA GILL CEO, Social Cipher Game

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DIGITAL MINDFULNESS ANVITA JAIN Photography: Jakob Owens

As part of the “digital natives” generation, the digital world is enmeshed in every aspect of my life and thus has a significant impact on my well-being. The digital world is a double-edged sword with numerous positive and negative implications. By being mindful of how I interact with digital spaces, I have been able to utilize them to enhance my wellness. However, this journey has included many obstacles.

Within the digital space, I get the most value from content creation. Writing has been my passion for over a decade, and the Internet gives me the opportunity to utilize this passion to make my mental health journey more accessible to a wider audience. This can take different forms from full articles explaining my journey to small snippets of writing that describe the exact thoughts I have during very anxious moments.

INITIALLY, IT TAKES INCREDIBLE STRENGTH TO PUT SUCH AN INTIMATE EXPERIENCE ONLINE, BUT THAT LEVEL OF VULNERABILITY IS VERY LIBERATING AND EMPOWERING.

For example, after I briefly mentioned my passion for mental health advocacy during a work meeting, my manager found one of my articles and read about my mental health journey. That was quite unnerving at first because the workplace is the one place where I still had not talked about my mental health struggles openly.

However, him telling me that my story is compelling and one of strength erased any insecurity I had about sharing such a personal portion of my life at work.

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The more I share my narrative the more I have been able to shift from viewing it as a story of struggle to a story of strength, and that has been instrumental to healing.

Additionally, because of social media’s wide reach, it is a medium that has greater power to normalize the discussion of highly stigmatized topics such as mental health.

The other component of personal value of digital spaces is intentional content consumption. I have changed the way I consume content over the last few years to maximize benefits for my well being. For instance, Instagram has many accounts that offer helpful advice that can be consumed much more quickly than reading entire articles or books. Examples of content I find valuable include positive affirmations, self-love tips, and healing work.

I also enjoy engaging with my friends’ content because it leads to bonding over shared interests, whether that be discovering a new restaurant or a compelling quote about a topic that we are both passionate about. Both forms of consumption nourish my well being. The key is to tailor my feed through following the right account for me so the majority of the content is valuable to me.

Even with its potential for positive impact, the digital world comes with its fair share of challenges. Often, I find myself mindlessly filling small spaces of time by checking my phone because it’s always at my fingertips.

WHILE IT’S EASY FOR ME TO WRITE ABOUT HOW I USE DIGITAL SPACES TO ENHANCE MY WELL BEING, THIS TAKES A LOT OF INTENTION AND DISCIPLINE. SETTING BOUNDARIES AROUND HOW I CREATE AND CONSUME SOCIAL MEDIA HAS BEEN DIFFICULT FOR ME.

UNSPLASH: @JAKOBOWENS1 INSTAGRAM: @JAKOBOWENS

No matter how careful I am about the accounts that I follow, there will always be some content on my feed that can be triggering or lead to detrimental effects on my wellbeing.

AS AN EXAMPLE, PRIOR TO BECOMING ROOTED IN MY OWN IDENTITY, I WAS VERY SUSCEPTIBLE TO COMPARISON CULTURE. IT’S SO NERVE WRACKING TO STRUGGLE WITH DIFFICULT EMOTIONS LIKE JEALOUSY, FRUSTRATION OR ANGER TOWARDS YOUR FRIENDS’ ACCOMPLISHMENTS WHEN ALL YOU WANT IS TO BE HAPPY FOR THEM.

Besides comparison culture, I have also struggled with coming to terms with what it truly means to have a digital presence in the mental health advocacy space.

The content I share about my mental health experiences is authentic, which means that sometimes it is messy and hard to consume.

Often I will share content in a bout of courage or strength and then later become insecure when I realize the amount of people that I have made myself vulnerable to.

STEPPING OUTSIDE OF SOCIETAL NORMS IS ESSENTIAL TO BREAK THE STIGMA, BUT IT IS ALSO VERY SCARY. I HAVE TO REMOVE MY SENSE OF WORTH FROM THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS BECAUSE THERE IS THE POTENTIAL FOR UNFAVORABLE AND EVEN TRIGGERING FEEDBACK.

Learning from my challenges in the digital space continues to improve the value that I gain from the digital world. There is no one magic formula and that keeps my relationship with digital spaces interesting.

I’m lucky to have grown up with access to the digital world and hope I can keep evolving my approach to continue prioritizing my well-being.

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You ever have that moment when you're getting to know someone new and you stumble?

You're mired down by a million "what if"s and the uncertainty sends you spiralling?

Ever asked for help at that point and were subsequently hit with"Are you only sticking with this mess because you're afraid to be alone?"

No. My answer will always be no.

Because I am not afraid to be alone.

Have you ever visualized yourself being alone?

I m not talking about times when you actively chose solitude.

What I m talking about are the times you ran to grab a coffee in the morning, or you commuted for days in lethargic traffic, or you forced yourself to cook after a long day of work, or you waited for that friend who is always late Basically, all the times you didn't realize you were alone.

Now tell me, was any of that scary?

Whether we realize it or not We're alone for a considerable chunk of our daily lives.

And counter intuitively it’s more empowering than scary.

Look back at all those things you had to do by yourself in your lifeand you feel a little surge of pride.

"I did this all by myself."

"I got this far by myself."

THE DIFFICULT QUESTIONS PRAMEELA BOORADA Artwork by Prameela Boorada

So yeah, solitude isn't scary.

Isolation is.

You see, solitude is the state of being alone.

Isolation is being caused to feel alone.

Now ask me if I am scared to be around someone who makes me feel alone or worse, makes me want to be alone.

Ask me if I am putting in so much energy that I have none left for me.

Ask me if I am ready to trust someone to the point where I ll risk my priorities for their companionship.

Ask me if their abandonment will scare me.

Ask me why.

Ask me if I m doing the things I love out of love or out of the need to feel distracted.

Ask me if I feel isolated from my self.

And trust me, my answers will be a lot different.

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INSTAGRAM: @THE.FICKLE.ARTIST Page 4

LET'S GET DEEP IN THE WELL FALIN SHAH Photography by Samuel Austin Writing is something most of us don’t do much of anymore because they prefer to type it out since it’s easier. Writing has many benefits when it comes to psychology and physiology, these benefits outweigh what some people call cons. The first being it helps to improve fine motor skills which is needed for everyday living, that slowly then plays into cognitive skills such as memory and information processing. Journaling is a great writing activity which aids in stress relief and getting down to the nitty gritty (aka our emotions).

Getting to the core of how we feel can help reduce future stress by trying new techniques that may or may not work.

For example let’s say this person named Anna used to cope with her stress by subconsciously biting her fingernails, then her friend suggested to try writing out what her thoughts and feelings are when she would bite her nails. As Anna continued to journal, she would take time away from biting her nails when she had those thoughts/feelings, and she would write them down instead. Now she turned her negative coping mechanism into a positive one. Of course it’s easier said than done, but taking small steps to get to the center of the problem will have a greater advantage than to force yourself to mask those thoughts and feelings. So when you are feeling stressed, you start to overthink, you can’t properly process your emotions because you’re overwhelmed, pick up a pen and paper to write down everything and anything you’re thinking. Sometimes it’s difficult to start journaling if you’ve never done it before, which is why you can find prompts online to help you get started. These prompts can range from writing about nature to writing about everyday stressors, we have an endless amount of what we can write about. So get your creativity and wellness on!

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Sitting on the floor with your legs crossed, eyes closed, both hands placed on either one of your knees, watching your thoughts pass by without judgement. Sounds relaxing, right? When you first start any meditation practice, it’s bound to be stressful. Which sounds counterproductive, I mean you’re making yourself sit down with all these stressful thoughts which is causing you to tense up. It’ll be like that the first few to 10 times.

Meditation takes a swift turn after a week, you start to detach from the thinking pattern which you were stuck in initially. This thinking pattern changes, that then inevitably also changes your bodily functions (for the better), which shifts your reaction when you do run into stress again.

The reaction to our perceived stress is always the main culprit. I’ve heard the excuse “I can’t control my reaction” too many times to count. You can in fact control how you react to information, and how it affects your wellbeing. By meditating and obtaining proper tools, we are able to sit back and watch our thoughts come and go as if they were unscheduled train stops. Unscheduled because we don’t know what our next thought will be.

Most people wouldn’t understand how empathy plays a role in the way we perceive ourselves and others in individuality. This ties in with physiology through homeostasis which our bodies are constantly trying to achieve as elements keep throwing us out of alignment.

By increasing our stress, we reduce our empathy and the ability to feel pain as we haven’t adapted to these new levels yet. Empathy is a strong indicator of how you react to your environment, which is also called self-empathy.

Self-empathy is a product of self-awareness, this includes bodily functions and gut feelings of your response to your environment. This all hails down from the insular cortex in your brain. Meditation is said to enhance this area of the brain particularly empathic cognition, but because it enhances the entire insular cortex it also aids in creating a stronger development of motor control, taste, and perception. These are all basic attributes for survival, which can enhance the quality of life to ease the way of living. Wellness concentrates on the five dimensions of health which relate back to mind, body, and spirit. These are all connected holistically and work intrinsically, which is why it’s important to take care of ourselves and always work towards a higher level of wellness.

Oxygen surrounds us constantly, a switch in how we inhale oxygen at certain times can massively improve our stress levels. The constant energy withdrawal our bodies go through when our stress meets the fight or flight response, can wear and tear important bodily functions. Diaphragmatic breathing may aid to reduce our stress levels, by taking deeper and longer breaths. Staying physically fit is very important, it’s also one of the five dimensions of wellness. By exercising we see an improvement in cognitive function, mood, and motor function.

Seeing that 2 out of 3 of these benefits have more to do with the psychology behind stress, it’s easy to form the conclusion that all the five dimensions work intrinsically together. The physicality of being in nature can’t beat pictures you see on the internet, or that app on your phone that have those prerecorded sounds of birds singing and waves crashing on the shore (which is more for sleep, another topic to come back to). We are blessed up to a point where we have nature around us, and we have the opportunity to go for a walk or hike and be encompassed by the refreshing warmth of our ancestral energy.

Don’t forget to take a look at the Yerkes-Dodson law from time to time when you’re feeling overwhelmed or when your motivation is the definition of non-existent.

Yes thinking thoughts is natural, but what’s not natural is not being able to understand your reactions to those thoughts. The closer we get to understanding, the farther along we are to achieving healthy patterns for stress. Writing helps with that through letting your feelings flow through your words and onto paper.

Another plus: you can never journal too much.

Meditation ties all these points together by being able to actively watch your thoughts pass by without judgement. The reason why we overthink is because we sit on one topic for too long, give it too much power, and continue the cycle because we’ve gotten comfortable with the idea of analyzing and perfecting every thought and situation. Those types of thought patterns become addicting and difficult to separate from.

By meditating we’re able to detach and watch our thoughts come and go, this relieves the pressure of stress and helps us to come back to the present.

UNSPLASH: @SAMAUSTIN INSTAGRAM: @SAM_LIVELEARNEVOLVE Page 12

VULNERABILITY INTUITIVE FOR CONNECTION YET ELUSIVE TO DESIGN Vulnerability is such an integral part of wellbeing. We all have different experiences with being vulnerable. We understand it, traverse it and learn from it differently.

To me, vulnerability is being able to accept the "light" and the "dark" inside of you. It's being able to accept all that can strengthen you and weaken you. It's being able to accept all your gifts and all your flaws. It's letting the courage behind your authenticity to overpower the fear of falling short. It's being able to learn the most authentic version of yourself and allowing yourself to live that.

So, what does vulnerability mean to you?

Not only does our vulnerability look different, it also affects our wellbeing in different ways. It affects our understanding of our self, our limitations and our potential.

Does your vulnerability strengthen you?

Does your vulnerability weaken you?

Are you open about your vulnerability?

Do you hide your vulnerability?

How does it relate to your decision to be visible?

How does it relate to your wellbeing?

Let's find out

INTERVIEWS BY

PRAMEELA BOORADA PHOTOGRAPHY BY

ERIC VAN LE

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INSTAGRAM: @ERICVLE Page 14

ABHI RAVINUTALA CEO MannMukti

Vulnerability means being willing to share things about yourself that you are usually hesitant to share because you feel that there may be some sort of backlash or stigma or some sort of harm or negative effect in general attached to them. But in the moment of being vulnerable - you are sort of tossing that danger aside and going ahead and speaking openly.

Vulnerability means being open in the most authentic way possible. It's about being open to talking about all experiences.

And that too, the whole experience - both the positive aspects of it and the negative aspects of it. I'm not going to say it necessarily means intimate topics. It could include that - but it all depends on each person's comfortability. For me, vulnerability is dialing in to a pretty powerful ability but I don't think that's what vulnerability looks like for everyone.

ILANA NGUYEN Youth Fellow HeadStream Innovations

ANVITA JAIN VP Partnerships MannMukti

Vulnerability means not holding back. I think that we don't even know all of our true selveswe're constantly rediscovering ourselves. But I guess vulnerability is sharing that journey with somebody other than yourself. It doesn't even have to be with the whole world - it can just be your friends or your family or to a journal.

Acting differently or changing your personality or behavior - depending on who you're with - is kind of putting up a shield. I guess vulnerability is taking down the walls that you used to protect yourself. Vulnerability is recognizing and putting your unfiltered self out there. And being able to open up about hard things.

Vulnerability is when you're probably not at 100 percent. For me, it's something where you're not at your peak performance. You're probably feeling emotions that you've never felt before - something that you probably don't really know how to deal with. For the most part, we're always vulnerable to something - we're never going to hit that 100 percent mark. But as long as you're open to change, open to observing, open to learning - I think we can definitely get past and get to higher stages of life every single time we get through that vulnerability.

And in those periods of time, I hope that you can find someone who will be there to lend a helping hand or will be there to support you in your time of need. But it’s also important to recognize that you have the ability to change your mindset and to move forward from what might be a really devastating time.

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MANASWINI AVVARI Kuchipudi Choreographer Content Creator

Vulnerability means power and vulnerability is connection. I have formed so many close relationships and I just cemented so many bonds with people. While we're not always talking every day and while some of us haven't been in touch for years - I've always felt that being vulnerable is just an important way to create a connection and to to feel like we're in this together. Because we are in this together.

MATT SCOTT Manager Storytelling and Engagement SecondMuse

What vulnerability means is just people lowering their walls and feeling comfortable being themselves. I mentioned this idea of belonging - because lately I've been thinking about “how do we create more belonging in social impact spaces”. And someone asked me why that was important to me. And I told them, “you know, often for people who are underrepresented in spaces, we don't necessarily have a sense of belonging. We feel we need to shift who we are.”

Belonging is often defined as that one feeling where you could show up without changing who you are. Without altering something - whether it's for people of color or for LGBT people or for women in spaces that are male dominated or for different groups. There's almost this inherent instinct to a code switch and to try to conform with the standard of whatever's going on in that space and whatever is the norm in that space.

The reason why I think vulnerability and belonging are so important is because for me - belonging is just the ability to be vulnerable. When you belong, you're able to be yourself wholly. And I think it's really important that we have both belonging and vulnerability because, again, we're human.

For me, vulnerability means two things. On the very foundational level, vulnerability means a willingness and an openness to share something or to sort of offer something to the world about yourself that is very personal and without any filters. It's the truth. Vulnerability often is the truth. And sometimes, it's the hard truths.

But there's a second layer of vulnerability where I think it's more about its deployment. Vulnerability is being open for a purpose. I think it can be so magical and helpful when that intentionality is there. People can be vulnerable for different reasons. There are times when people are using vulnerability in a productive, collaborative way or for some positive reason. A vulnerability can also be deceptive sometimes. And there are times where people are being vulnerable, for the sake of being vulnerable. So, at times, it can be a little aimless and that can lead to unwanted consequences.

MICHAEL FU Founder Project Zeeni Page 16

STEPHANIE SAIZ

Civil Engineer, Obstacle Course Racer

So when I think of vulnerability, I just think of that dream where you're just naked in front of a crowd. It’s just letting everyone see who you really are and see everything - from your flaws to your strengths. The reason why I mentioned strength is sometimes I feel uncomfortable sharing something that I perceive as a strength because I feel I might come off as “cocky” or just in a bad light. So I think when you share your strengths - it's also you being vulnerable because you're putting aside that fear.

Vulnerability means being extremely comfortable with yourself and your own solitude. But in the sense that - to be vulnerable is to be strong. That's something I learned going through college when I was facing a lot of depression and anxiety. I would hold it in just to get my work done. And I realized that holding it in prevented me from getting my work done.

I was unable to be vulnerable - and I guess this is a lot of first generations’ struggle.

“No, darling, you'd better not cry. You better get there where you have to do it. Just forget about it. Put it to the side. That was not the moment.” And I was literally training my mind like this. I did the same thing when going into college and when I was living alone. But I kept on hitting these walls where I couldn't continue and I just felt down.

And then it wasn't until one of my friends and now sister told me what was missing.

“Your problem is that you don't know how to be vulnerable and you don't know how to just let it out.” And then that moment, I let it all out. It was just a whole flood of emotions. Being extremely vulnerable with this other person - letting it all out, telling them my story, even the horrible parts of it. And really just speaking my truth and also understanding and finding strength within vulnerability. That's the only way to truly, truly accept yourself is to be vulnerable.

SAMYUTA KALIGOTLA High School Junior, Kuchipudi Dancer

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MARIAH BERMEO Food Justice Advocate Founder, Veggie Mijas

Vulnerability means being able to let your guard down. I feel it's used in two different contexts. You might say, “I feel vulnerable right now.” That indicates that you might be in a situation where your opinions, your feelings are out there when you don't want them to be. I don't want this information that is making me feel vulnerable to be out there.

But if you think about it as “I'm being vulnerable with you right now” - it has more of a positive connotation. It’s a situation where I feel like I’m okay with letting my guard down with you right now. It shows that you trust this person and you're OK with them knowing your feelings and things.

VANESSA GILL

CEO Social Cipher Game

Vulnerability means being able to express parts of yourself that were previously pretty difficult or still difficult to talk about. Being able to bring out deeper parts of yourself in order to build trust or sharing yourself with someone that you trust and someone that you believe is worthy of that.

Being able to create a deeper connection with someone. It's the vehicle that allows you to have a deep conversation with someone and allow them to be vulnerable- a key that unlocks connection with other people.

I think it's pretty difficult to be vulnerable or authentic on social media. I think everyone wants to have this image of having a perfect life and living a happy life every single day. But not every single day is a happy day for everyone, you know? Everyone's going to have their bad days. Everyone's going through a lot of emotions day to day.

And I think that's why it's important to be very vulnerable and just being authentic to one's true self. Recently, I've been seeing a lot of posts from some people that I've known to just only post happy stuff on their page. And now they're coming out with a long paragraph in their caption being like, “hey, you probably didn't know it, but I was depressed for this many months and so on.

Like, I was going through this in my mind.” And no one really knows what's going on in the mind of other people.

So vulnerability to me is - I don't know what the actual definition, like Google definition - but to me it's just being authentic and true to one's self and showing that to other people as well.

SID VERMA VP Operations MannMukti

RIDHI VURITI

Hip Hop Choreographer/ Instructor SJSU Student

Vulnerability is tough and it is something that, for a lot of people, is learned. Coming from just my own ethnic background, vulnerability isn't something that is really welcome or appreciated. It's essentially militarized and could be used against you. If you are open about something, it is now a point that you can be attacked on. So "don't don't be open, don't be vulnerable” - is what I was taught kind of early on. But that's something I'm still learning to how to unlearn.

To be vulnerable is to be able to have an open and honest discussion. Being able to say what you want without having to worry about the consequences or repercussions.

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LETTER TO MYSELF PREYRNA YADAV Artwork by Prameela Boorada

And finally she realized That she thought she lay beside The world that was in chaos But she was chaos inside Let me tell you sweetheart The ones who are courageous within Are the ones who let themselves break From everything and everyone they’ve been And then they rise from the ashes Warriors made of steel Unbreakable but kind And in front of themselves they kneel She said “sorry I’ve been unkind To you all these years But thank you for bearing with me And letting me cry my tears I will try to be brave I will try to be kind And it’s okay if I stumble It’s ok to sometimes lose my mind And finally my sweetheart I embrace your body, soul, and mind This world is mine to conquer Because I deserve to shine" Page 19

INSTAGRAM: @THE.FICKLE.ARTIST Page 20

GET OUT OF THE NEST WITH WELLNESS FALIN SHAH Wellness concentrates on the five dimensions of health which relate back to mind, body, and spirit.

These are all connected holistically and work intrinsically, which is why it’s important to take care of ourselves and work towards a higher level of wellness.

Physical, social, emotional, spiritual, and mental. The five dimensions of health that outline wellness –not to be confused with wellbeing. Although they both take on a holistic approach, wellbeing is more than just mind and body. Wellbeing has to do with all aspects of life (five dimensions of health plus financial and cultural aspects), it’s easy to get the two confused because they sound similar and overlap characteristics.

To elevate your overall wellbeing, start out with increasing your wellness as this heavily contributes to your sense of self within the wellbeing paradigm. There are many ways you can achieve this, such as: journaling, meditation, exercising, mindfulness, goal setting, spending time in nature, doing yoga, getting an adequate amount of sleep.

I’ll be touching on a few these topics, since there’s a lot of information to digest with just this first one.

Breathing is what we have been doing since the day we were born, nonstop 24/7. It might come as a shock to some that the way we breathe can hugely impact our ability to cope with stress. Diaphragmatic breathing -also known as belly breathing- is a beneficial breathing practice because it helps to reduce our cortisol levels.

Diaphragmatic breathing plays well with both mindfulness as well as meditation. When you concentrate on your breathing through lung expansion, you’re focusing on the present moment and time which is one of the purposes to practicing mindfulness. Meditation is another practice which can be weaved into diaphragmatic breathing through relaxation aspects and bringing your focus internally.

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Your diaphragm is a muscle that sits below your lungs, contracts downward when you inhale and relaxes up when you exhale. When you inhale and the diaphragm contracts, it makes more room for your lungs to let in more oxygen. This in turn expands your belly (abdomen) to make more room for your lung’s expansion. Cortisol is a hormone produced by the adrenal gland and released by the hypothalamus in response to fear or stress, part of the fight-or-flight response in the sympathetic nervous system. By concentrating on your breath and reducing the noise of your surroundings while letting an increase of oxygen in, you reduce the use of your sympathetic nervous system and rely on your parasympathetic nervous system (which is in charge of your everyday functions).

We can achieve eustress (the good kind of stress needed for everyday living) by balancing our needs from physical to mental to emotional. Of course at some point it’s seen that these all go hand in hand as the holistic approach to wellness is achieved. The physical aspects are the main reason we exercise whether it’s cardiorespiratory, muscular, or weight loss. Our physical state can affect the way we think and feel, our emotional state can affect the way we move and think, and our mental state can affect the way we express our emotions and being able to motivate ourselves to move. That’s why when we throw exercise into the equation of all that is wellness, we see a dramatic increase in cognitive function and mood. Which is then distributed throughout the body as endorphins the feel good neurotransmitters that elevate mood and reduces pain (endogenous morphine)-, neurotrophins proteins that improve neuron survival and function (cognitive function)-, serotonin –neurotransmitter that regulates mood, social conduct, and digestive tract-, and norepinephrine –neurotransmitter that regulates sympathetic nervous system such as heart rate and blood pressure. With these chemicals being released into our brain and body daily, it becomes much easier to regulate our physical, emotional, and mental functions.

Green scenes, singing birds, and fresh air. What comes to mind when I think of the word nature. Nature for thousands of years has been our biggest teacher in stress. Like how there are periods of storms in nature, there are periods of distress within us. This stress can become worrisome if we don’t have enough motivation, distress can go the other way too if we have too much on our plate. Eustress is the sweet spot in the middle which we want to keep in abundant (but not too much).

The Yerkes-Dodson principle states that there is an observational relationship between arousal (the amount of stress we perceive) and performance (how well we can cope with our perceived stress in relation to everyday living) Following the Yerkes-Dodson law and using it as a guide, it can become much simpler to control our stress. Step by step, we can eliminate what works for us and what doesn’t. Some people love the city life, and others connect to themselves through the basis of life. ““Levels of Nature and Stress Response” is a study done by Alan Ewert and Yun Chang which explored different

environments of nature and how those environments affect our stress response. There were 3 sites involved within this experiment. The first site had wilderness-like characteristics, the second site represented a “municipaltype park”, and the third site was a manmade environment (indoor exercise facility) within a city.”

(Ewert, 2018) From there they generated data with a total of 105 participants, these participants were then asked to give a pre-test and post-test before and after visiting each site.

By using cortisol and amylase (biophysical markers), they were able to conclude that visiting a natural environment (the first site) reduced these biophysical markers significantly. While the other two also had a decrease in cortisol and amylase, they weren’t as big of a drop compared to actually being surrounded by nature.

Psychologically speaking, this is a great way to reduce stress levels and increase your wellness. Our ancestors were surrounded by nature constantly, it only makes sense that going back to our roots (pun intended) will aid us in a healthier way of living.

Ewert, A., & Chang, Y. (2018). Levels of Nature and Stress Response. Behavioral sciences (Basel, Switzerland), 8(5), 49. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs8050049 Ewert, Alan, and Yun Chang. “Levels of Nature and Stress Response.” Behavioral sciences (Basel, Switzerland) vol. 8,5 49. 17 May. 2018, doi:10.3390/bs8050049

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Breathe in

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Breathe out

INSTAGRAM: @ERICVLE Page 24

VULNERABILITY AND IDENTITY THE ART OF NAVIGATING DIGITAL SPACES Social media has become one of those pesky, unavoidable parts of growing up. It's exceedingly ingrained into the lived, social and growing experiences of youth nowadays. It's become an inevitable rite of passage that one has to traverse before they can find, learn and accept their most authentic selves.

But what is it like to grow up using social media?

What is it like to be restricted from using it?

How does it define you as a person?

How does it limit you as a person?

What is it like to feel swept away by it?

What is it like to consciously step away from it?

Who are you on social media?

Who are you outside of social media?

Who are you without social media?

Let's hear directly from the young folks who've learned to live with it and without it.

INTERVIEWS BY

PRAMEELA BOORADA PHOTOGRAPHY BY

ERIC VAN LE ARTWORK BY

ILANA NGUYEN

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INSTAGRAM: @ERICVLE Page 26

KUNAL BHATTACHARJEE Music Producer

Education is very important. And it took a while for my parents to accept the fact that music is what I wanted to do.

I definitely had disagreements with parents over that - over what I wanted to do in life and what I'm expected to do. My parents immigrated to this country - and I am the eldest son.

So both parties don't really have an idea as to what's going on. Being the first born - you're definitely the test, right?

That's when your parents realize what works, what doesn't work. So when I was growing up, my parents definitely sheltered me a lot because they weren't sure as to what I should be doing and what I shouldn't be doing.

One identity that is pretty important to me is the fact that I am a young Indian- American. I'm also an artist - I'm a creative person and I like to showcase my creativity a lot. I would also say that I'm a nonconformist. I like to showcase my authentic self as much as possible rather than trying to fit in with a certain trend or fit with a certain vibe that may be popular.

To be honest, being a student and an artist at the same time is a bit of a struggle. The way that being young impacts my artistry and being a student is that - I feel like I'm at a point right now where I just have no idea where my life is gonna go. That uncertainty can be very stressful.

I feel like when you get older and - you get that job, you get your first house or your first apartment and you kind of stabilize a little bit - you have a little bit of a back up.

Right now, I could be in any city, anywhere, at any time, and I could be doing something completely different. I'm 20 years old. Anything can change. So that definitely impacts me a lot because I get stuck in an identity crisis sometimes where it's like “Am I doing the right thing? Is this what my calling truly is or am I missing something? I'm missing something.”

Being an Indian American also impacts me because growing up there were certain cultural things that I was expected to follow in Indian society and Indian culture.

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And being a guy has been a privilege of some sorts. I would imagine if I was doing the things that I wanted to do and if I was a woman, I would probably have a lot more to deal with, especially as an Indian woman. The way Indian women are expected to be in society is much more restrictive than being male. As a guy, I can definitely get away and I have a lot more freedom in my hands than a lot of my female friends who can't leave the house past five or when it gets dark out or, can't wear certain things, etc. I felt if I was put in that situation - it would definitely worsen the struggle I'm in.

And going back to my Indian American identity - it’s also a very known fact in Indian society that you should respect your elders and you shouldn't really go against them. If you go against your elders, you are considered immoral, bratty or just irresponsible. For elder people in my community, you're supposed to follow their guidance - and they'd share things like “when I was young and I was growing up, this worked for me”. But when you're in a very different country, in a very different time period, the same things don't work. Especially in our generation - I feel we live in a certain way because things just radically change every five years. What your plans were five years ago may be completely different now and the way you will approach life five years from now will be radically different to what you expect now. It is not really that flexible in Indian culture - where everything is so traditionally based and everything is all “We've been doing this for generations. So we expect you to undergo this similar thing.”

But now that we live in such a fast moving world - you always have to adapt to them and be open minded to new things.

RIDHI VURITI Hip Hop Choreographer, Instructor, Content Creator

Different styles that I have had passed down to me impact my creativity and my style of dancing. So it's not just different parts of me- yes, my Indian part of me can impact it. But it's mostly what's been passed down to me from people who have mentored me and taught me over the years. And if it were not for them, I probably would not be the dancer that I am. So I want to be that kind of a mentor. I want to be that teacher that makes other dancers into what they are in the future.

I feel that a lot of people these days are just focusing on teaching steps. What sets me apart is my mindset. To me, teaching means being a mentor for students and helping them grow and become better dancers. I love seeing students grow and seeing them just get better every single week that I see them. That’s what motivates me and that's what pushes me forward. So that's why I teach.

I know that people who I am teaching now could possibly have the potential to grow and teach classes of their own someday. And I want them to get so good that they get to that potential. I don't want them to just take classes for me. I want my dancers to grow and actually get booked for jobs and actually teach classes and become successful teachers. I'm going in with the mindset of “I'm going to be the mentor of mentors”. So I think that's what sets me apart, because it's a bit of an old school mindset. So I'm really just trying to embody the people who have passed down their knowledge to me.

Earlier, being young used to impact me a lot negatively - just because a lot of people did not see that I was mature enough to teach dance classes. I mean, I was a 13 year old teaching adults. And obviously they didn't respect me in that sense - so they wouldn't take the class seriously enough. But at this point, I am 20 years old. That's not too young, but that's not too old either. And I think it's a good place for me to show them who I am. I think a lot of people can now see my maturity level and the thoughtfulness behind my work. At the same time, I’ve learned to assert myself as the teacher. Walking in, having the presence of a teacher - all of that really matters.

That being said, I like to start all of my classes with purpose. So even if it's a fun hype piece - I'm still going to start out with purpose and just let people know exactly what we're getting into. So if it's a fun piece, I'll be like, "oh yeah, we're gonna get lit. I want us to be super confident". I always go around in a circle and start some topic of discussion. It could be really anything - what we're doing, hype pieces, high energy pieces, what they like. Usually we'll talk about, “what do you do when you get lit? What do you do with your friends?”

And for vulnerable pieces, I like to open up with a discussion where I will ask every single student in the room, “What do you love about yourself?” And even though that seems like a pretty straightforward question - it brings up a lot of puzzled faces in class. A lot of people will look at me all puzzled as if to say, “I don't know what I love about myself.” And it really, really sucks to see that. So I think - bringing out a certain confidence in students before class starts helps with figuring out what they love about themselves. So a little bit later, they'll end up telling me, “oh, I love this thing about myself”.

Or I'll ask the question, “what do you love about your dancing?” So they'll be, “Oh, I love how I hit every single beat. I love how I can just play the tensions and musicality really well”, etc. So then I'll be, “Good, channel that. I want you to channel that in class today. I want you to channel that at the end in groups today.” I think that really, really sets the mood for being for my vulnerable pieces.

So while I am there to help students; I am also there to really teach them. And all I can hope is that students see that and that they see my maturity and my actual intentions as a teacher.

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ILANA NGUYEN Youth Fellow at HeadStream High School Junior

I very recently got Instagram and Snapchat - just a couple of months ago. And I think it was actually good because when I was in middle school, I was not at a place where I could protect myself. I guess social media is not always inherently good or bad. But there's good and bad content on there - and when I was younger, I didn't really know how to navigate that.

I think with digital media - TV shows, movies, social media but not so much books and magazines - you just are kind of taught what society values as you grow up.

And it breaks my heart now but I hated my body so much. I would go starve myself so that I would lose weight. I would cry after working out because it wasn't working and I wasn't losing weight as fast as I wanted.

When you’re younger, you use social media really just for friends and memes and keeping up with trends. As you grow older, you recognize the power of social media and the ability to reach people instantly. You don't even have to live near someone to be directly connected to them. And that’s when I realized “wow, this is a tool that I can use to put out what I want my identity to look like.”

I think that is kind of perpetuated in ads and in everything as we grew up - we're kind of taught what we should want. And I think it's an issue of representation. I didn't see Asians on much media. I didn't see the women who were not super skinny.

Maybe there'd be one fat character and they'd be the butt of all the jokes. Even when I was littler, there weren't a whole lot of women in stories for children. I think even my sister, who is only a little younger than I am, is having a different experience than I am. She gets to see new movies like “Hidden Figures” and remakes of the Disney movies.

I think if I had gotten it earlier - or if I had it for a really long time in middle school, around the same time that my friends got it - I would’ve been sucked into the body image thing. I know kids my age who developed eating disorders. I didn't have to deal with that pressure until later. I still struggle with how I look but I was able to develop self confidence.

Thing is - I know that I didn't learn what’s desirable, what society's image of a good body is, what you should do - all those did not come from my family.

My parents were never on me about my weight or how I looked - they just encouraged me. They didn't say, “you should go after money” or “you should go after your fame or success” - they just said “if you want to do well in school, you do you. If you want to do well in sports, you do you”. So I definitely don't think that I learned that from my family.

To be honest, I'm happy that the Internet is a thing. It's so cool to be able to connect with people from so far away and be able to look up anything. You can learn anything you want. And you have all this information at your fingertips. But on the other hand, I think that it is only a human invention and as a human invention - it contains stereotypes and prejudices. So I don't think that digital media is the source of all of all inequality and insecurity and all bad things. But I do think that depending on what you choose to ingest or even not choose to ingest - it may not give you the best messages.

ARTIST: ILANA NGUYEN IG: @STORY.WELL

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SAMYUTA KALIGOTLA High School Junior Kuchipudi Dancer

Growing up, you're in your own bubble - just your family and your own small set of friends. Social media gave me a different outlook on the world because you see different people expressing different opinions and different things. And that's not necessarily something that I see on a day to day basis. I mean, normally what I see in my day to day life is - I'm at home, I wake up, I go to school, I have my small group of friends, I hang out with them all day and then I come back home and it's my family. And so you don't really meet anyone other than those few people - you don't really see so many opinions outside of that. So it's really cool seeing different points of view on so many different topics - I feel that's something that social media opened up.

I usually don't post a lot on social media. But if I genuinely care about a topic, even if it's a super controversial topic, I won't be scared to post about it at all - regardless of what criticism I might get about it. But in general, I have a tendency to overthink things. Even in class, I am one of their shyer kids who doesn't participate as much because “oh my God, what if someone doesn't like what I say or makes a comment about it”. I'm that kind of person. But when it comes to a topic that I might have a very strong opinion on - I definitely will comment or post about it. Because when I have that strong opinion - it means that I already heard 10 different perspectives about that and I am still able to stick by my original thought/ my original opinion about it. So it gives me the comfort that it's OK for me to say this.

ISAIAH GRANT

Video Fellow RYSE Youth Center

I want to say I felt the fear of not becoming one with my identity origins and not becoming one with my community. I felt the fear of learning yourself and learning how to love yourself - while in the fear of not feeling like you’re part of your community. I see most of my fears as a motivation to get over. If I want this change to happen, I can't really just live in this shadow of fear. I've got to really just push myself a little bit outside my comfort zone or just push myself to consider far different perspectives.

I feel being a black male that’s part of the LGBTQ community social media just pushed my awareness of other people that’s out with us in those communities. It just expands to more than just bringing up the conversation with yourself. It expands to your community, your family, your friends - to finally see that it's OK to really just be yourself. And at the end of day it is really just about you - so I feel those strong parts of my identity just really pushed me to show everybody to be their better self.

And I want to say I live for that self-care. I used to have a self care Instagram - so I used to generally be there for people, share life hacks and self-care posts. It is really good to take a mental space from other people or stuff that’s been on your mind. But what’s important for self care is to be able to be vulnerable with yourself and be more accepting of yourself. I almost want to say “if you’re scared” - but with vulnerability, you don't feel scared - you actually feel open to whoever you’re being vulnerable to. And they see you for who you really are.

ARTIST: ILANA NGUYEN IG: @STORY.WELL

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AM I SOMETHING ENOUGH PRAMEELA BOORADA Artwork by Prameela Boorada

The first fear is the one asking "Am I Indian enough?"

This one starts, deep down in my heart before I've clicked "done" on my post.

Am I demure enough, feminine enough?

Am I upholding what I've been taught?

And if so, do I look like I do?

Am I being too disrespectful, too loud, too wild?

Covering my mouth and my chest, I think "Can I step in front of my family like this?"

What if someone they knows sees me?

What will they think about me?

What will they say about me?

What will they say about my upbringing?

Is. This. Wrong? WHY is this wrong?

The second fear is the one asking "Am I American enough?"

This one creeps out once I've posted somethingand a part of me is out in the world.

Am I stylish enough? Am I on trend?

Am I drunk enough but sober enough?

Do I look like I m on my A game?

Do I look like I have my life put together?

Do I look confident, even if I m breaking?

Do I look interesting? Approachable?

Will I be able to talk to someone and have at least ONE meaningful conversation?

Or will I attract the wrong attention?

Do I have the strength today to handle it?

Will I have the strength tomorrow to let it go?

Is this what I want?

How long will this keep looping?

The last fear is the one asking "Am I me enough?"

How said is it that the existential one comes after all the conditioned ones.

Shows that somewhere along your history You've been forced to give up the reins of your future Because someone kept telling you Telling you that you were directionless, Telling you that you didn't know yourself, Telling you that you were mired down by influences and uncertainty.

Yet uncertainty is fucking necessary.

If you know you don't like who you are now Then you cant become what you want only with that you've always known.

INSTAGRAM: @THE.FICKLE.ARTIST Page 32

ALL THE POSTS THAT COULD'VE BEEN

Frankly, I’m the type of person that believes a photo should have a caption to provide context. I potentially

JUAN GALLARDO

may have created more unwritten rules for my social media. They’re meant to give my post a purpose yet they tend to make me more frustrated than anything. Why do

Personally, I get anxious sometimes when I post on social media. I either overthink the caption or I submit a post and then regret posting it for whatever reason.

we even create these “rules” when our digital space can

The worst part is that I’m the one putting all this pressure on myself in the first place. I harshly question myself:

shamelessly, post a rant, photo, or both. Sometimes I’ll

literally be about whatever we want??

The irony is that I see others who confidently, and even react and sometimes comment in support on their update. So why do I believe that what I have to share isn't as important, shouldn't be shared, or needs to fit a

"WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF MY STATUS UPDATE?"

certain mold in order to be shared on my social media account?

"WHO AM I TO BE DISCUSSING X TOPIC?"

I suppose it comes from the times that I have created a

"WHAT IS THE BEST WAY FOR ME TO INTERACT WITH MY FOLLOWERS?"

would have wanted or expected. I wouldn't consider

"WHAT IS IMPORTANT OR UNIQUE ABOUT WHAT I WANT TO POST?" "HOW AM I BEING HUMBLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA WHEN I'M MAKING THIS POST ABOUT ME?"

post and don't receive much response or interaction as I myself "popular" but I do get some reactions and a few interactions to my posts.

This is the pressure that comes from creating and maintaining a digital space. The anxiety of generating a perfectly satisfying post. The paranoia of making a mistake. The embarrassment of looking foolish for all your

The worst part is that I’m the one putting all this pressure on myself in the first place. There are many times I've wanted to post about an event or accomplishment yet I feel like I'm bragging. I believe few would actually care about what I have to share.

There are also moments when I just want to post a photo with little to no context because I like the photo so therefore I should upload it, regardless of the caption.

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friends and family to see.

Yet some of us need this pressure to push our limits and simply express ourselves in the way we desire. To allow ourselves to create something we haven’t done before.

To best ourselves. To be impressed by our talent. To break through stigmas. To recognize our power and flaws. To witness our growth through our digital autoportfolio.

I wanted to post about how my nephew has finally warmed up to me now that I’ve been spending more time around my family. I still can post about him but then I feel this pressure of “When am I going to have kids?” “Why don’t I have kids yet?” “When am I going to get married?” and even though I’m sure no one will make that comment, they will likely think it.

Stephanie and I recently learned how to make kombucha. We got the SCOBY from a couple, who happened to split up soon after they gifted it to us, and that has been holding me back from posting it. I want to give them credit for teaching us how to make our own kombucha but I don’t think it’s appropriate to recognize them both since they are no longer together.

I could just keep it simple - “Made our first batch of kombucha! Yum!” but I love to complicate things.

Before the quarantine started, I was training for a marathon I have signed up for, set for May 3rd. I wanted to share about my long run in Auburn, how I completed 15 miles but my legs gave up on me around the 12th mile. I hit the runners wall and it was a new experience for me. I wanted to share that experience and also talk about the Mecca of Trails in Auburn. But that following week I wasn’t feeling well and ended up burning myself out. I ended up having to take a week off of work and good thing I did. I needed it because when I got back, the quarantine started and I surely wouldn’t have been able to take on the workload that ramped up at my job when many employees were transitioning to work from home.

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VULNERABILITY AND VALIDATION THE ART OF BALANCING IN DIGITAL SPACES Social impact organizations and entrepreneurs are earnestly making attempts to create safer digital spaces. They want to design spaces that encourage vulnerability and validate lived experiences, struggles, resilience and causes for celebrations.

But before we design these spaces Why is vulnerability important? Why is validation important?

And more importantly How do you moderate the two in digital spaces?

How do you make a space for folks to be vulnerable while also ensuring that you don't validate toxic practices/ ideologies/ patterns that might come up during interactions?

Here's a look at how 3 organizations talk about vulnerability, validation, moderation and ensuring safety.

INTERVIEWS BY

PRAMEELA BOORADA PHOTOGRAPHY BY

ERIC VAN LE

PARTICIPATING ORGANIZATIONS:

HEADSTREAM INNOVATIONS RYSE YOUTH CENTER MANNMUKTI

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INSTAGRAM: @ERICVLE Page 36

CARLA LOURY Program Manager HeadSteam Innovation

MICHELLE LIN I think everyone is seeking validation. It can be crushing if you don't get it. And everybody idealizes vulnerability. But that vulnerability can be much harder than people realize. I think the spaces that feel most generative and the online spaces that people value deeply are where people are being really vulnerable.

So as someone running this program or someone supporting entrepreneurs who are creating these spaces, I think one of the things that we're always pushing for is for people to be more vulnerable in that space. Because once you do that, you can create sort of a cascade effect of vulnerability.

Imagine if you're in a physically closed room and a space with other people - you can open up that vulnerability really quickly. And sometimes, with the right set of questions, you can have people really telling their whole truths and bringing their whole selves to a conversation. It doesn't translate quite as quickly to digital spaces. But I think that young people are kind of masters of being able to share more about themselves in digital spaces and being able to be more vulnerable.

And they're just more comfortable with it.

In terms of validation - and validating people who are trying to create those spaces while still validating the people who are being vulnerable - I think you need to start with a lens of "we're going to do the absolute best that we can". Find tools that can help you do those things. So from a technology standpoint, using things like A.I. is a big help in being able to validate posts that are actually reflective of someone's feelings. And it's also an effective way to help out people who are noticeably displaying behaviors that are something a troll would do.

So we have actual tools that we can use. And then as human moderators, using our best judgment to keep those spaces as open and safe as possible.

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Grassroots Fundraising Manager RYSE Youth Center

We encourage young people to come in as they are. They deserve to be loved and supported however they are. Part of RYSE's work is to build a safe space so that young people feel like they have the choice to be vulnerable. No matter who they are, how they choose to open up, who they open up to - young people's agency is always key.

It’s also understanding that people may choose not to be vulnerable because of their lived experiences under the systems they live in - and that's very real and that's OK. But the hope is to create more safe spaces and contribute to a bigger vision of liberation in which young people of color can be vulnerable if they choose to be and - they will still be safe. So there’s still a lot of structural building work that has to be done.

In terms of working with adults who want to be allies, it’s important to SEE youth leaders. Young people are definitely assets and not deficits - even though that's how media often portrays young people of color. A lot of times youth might feel condescended when they are in organizing spaces. They might feel like their ideas are dismissed simply because they're young. But part of their validation - is that these lived experiences are powerful. And you also have like ancestral experiences within you. You have your family or communities at your end. And we need to validate all of that as being true. As adult allies, we need to show a supportive mindset - “I hear you. I see you. I may not quite understand but I definitely empathize. How can I be there for you? What needs do you have? And how can I support you or connect you to someone who can support you?”

SAILESH KUMAR

ANVITA JAIN

Chief Growth Officer MannMukti

VP of Partnerships MannMukti

A common moderation issue that we've had to solve for safe spaces is - when people are seeking medical advice but the people giving them are not licensed practitioners.

It's the case where someone responds to an issue with, “oh yeah, I have the same thing. I got through it just fine.”

But it could lead to a situation where the person (posting the request) thinks, “I'm very scared. I dont want someone to find out. So I'm actually very comfortable that you said that you got over this. So I will go do the same thing. I dont need to go see a professional. I'm good to go.”

But we shouldnt be giving you this kind of advice. We're here to be a community support group and listen to you and share stories and do our best to be there as an ally. But there are gonna be lots of times where you need to see if you’re capable of receiving medical help because that might be the proper answer. Granted, there's a whole slew of complications: access to professional help, health care, your community, the stigma, etc. But the point I'm trying to make is that we have to be careful that we aren’t validating someone's impression that they don't need medical assistance if, in reality, they do.

Now this notion is included in all our disclaimers. One of our rules when you join the facebook group states - “Don't give medical advice unless you're a licensed practitioner” to ensure that people are not getting inaccurate advice in our space. The last thing we want is for someone to get into a worse situation or go through some kind of physical harm to themselves because of advice they were given.

As leaders of an organization, you don't want to be proliferating toxicity. But you also have to expect that there's going to be some toxic stuff that's going to be put out there as a result of sharing mental health. That's just the nature of the beast.

Allowing people to share that release is important.

Sometimes an individual who may have a toxic ideology or toxic thing ingrained in them might not even recognize it - until they share it in these spaces and some other member holds them accountable for it. But the thing is there has to be room for sharing that. But at the same time, in that safe space, you have responsibility to listen to it - not to affirm it.

I feel like we can do our part by having a general page on toxic ideas. We may not be able to cover the whole gambit, but we can talk about stuff like toxic positivity, etc. So, we can allow for our members to consume this information and identify, for themselves, what might be toxic for them. And toxicity can look different on an individual level - what might be toxic for one person may not be toxic for another person. So it’s really hard to take all the toxicity away and just pretend like it doesnt exist. It’s a learning experience and you also learn from sharing what might be toxic for you.

But ultimately I think the balance is educating people about what toxic looks like, while also allowing a tolerance for those ideas to at least pop up. And then just having faith in people to be able to educate themselves on what's toxic (given the right resources) and be able to also learn from their own experiences.

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FACADES AND FIXATIONS PRAMEELA BOORADA Photography by Eric Van Le

Why do we fixate on the negative things?

We latch onto imperfections.

We ruminate over unchangeable mistakes.

We expect things to go awry.

And in an attempt to “see the brighter side”We pretend like the imperfections are what make us incredible.

We repress mistakes by staunchly sticking to a “no regrets” motto.

We justify the “worst case” avalanche as a planning mechanism.

But that’s so strange.

In that case, why are we so fixated on making things positive?

Imperfections aren’t meant to make us incredible or insecure.

There are meant to show us that there parts of us that society finds acceptable and parts that society consciously erases.

Imperfections are our reality and they are our rebellion.

Why are we so afraid of our own reality?

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The unchanging nature of mistakes is a reminder that actions cognizant and otherwise have consequences.

It means that we are not only responsible for what we do but also accountable for what follows And by that logic, mistakes are less about reaction and more about reconciling.

They are less about regret and more about reflection.

Why are we so afraid of mistakes when they exist to sprout new lessons?

Expectations are our inbuilt cognitive mechanism to reconcile with the unknown.

The farther something is from our expectations, the more we attach ourselves to it if it’s a positive circumstance and the more we detach ourselves from it if it’s a negative circumstance.

It’s peculiar that we use the magnitude of the error in our expectation to be the sole driving force behind how we view a thing about which we are ignorant.

Why are our errors driving our emotional motivations?

Our desperation to look into negativity in infinitesimal granularity and our desperation to meticulously chisel a positive experience are rather similar they just manifest differently.

Perhaps the positive and negative in our life are meant to ultimately have a similar impact.

Maybe they just manifest differently.

Maybe we just weigh them differently.

INSTAGRAM: @ERICVLE Page 40

VULNERABILITY AND VISIBILITY THE DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD OF EXISTING ONLINE Each one of us has varying thresholds on how visible we are about different parts of our identity on social media. Sometimes, our visibility connects us to others in a powerful display of vulnerability and solidarity. It can provide an opportunity to be openly vulnerable, explore oneself and find community.

Other times, we become unwitting victims of violence because we choose to be visible as we exist. it could make people (and communities) susceptible to community violence, exacerbate social connection/belonging and catalyze an addiction to unhealthy digital behavior.

Over time, the ways we've chosen or were compelled to be visible/invisible could impact our sense of self and well-being.

So, is it better to be visible or invisible?

Is visibility even related to well-being?

Is it possible to optimize our online experience?

Is it possible to mitigate the risks associated?

Here's a look at how artists, advocates and influencers talk about the impact of visibility on their vulnerability and wellbeing.

INTERVIEWS BY

PRAMEELA BOORADA PHOTOGRAPHY BY

ERIC VAN LE Page 41

INSTAGRAM: @ERICVLE Page 42

RIDHI VURITI Hip Hop Choreographer

I know that I have this kind of very strong personality and power - always empowering and talking about being strong and badass - but it didn't start that way at all. I had to kind of build myself up to that after being on social media for a while now and after putting my work out there for a while. Sometimes I find myself getting carried away with having so many eyes on me and being visible in social media. I find myself getting carried away into the social media headspace - getting caught up in comments, in social media engagement and all of that. And I just have to keep leading myself back into the right direction.

And I think that's the biggest lesson to be learned. It wasn't surprising, but it surprisingly helped my headspace a lot. I didn't know how much that would positively impact me - to just not care about social media at all. I had to bring myself back to when I first started and tell myself “this is just a portfolio for your work. This is just where you're putting your work to track your own progress and to put your work out there for other people to see.

But the likes, comments or the engagement dont matter.”

There's something that my dad used to always say. Sometimes, I'd get so angry whenever I posted something on Instagram. I would be thinking, “oh, my God, this post only got 100 likes”. My dad would just keep a straight face and he'd say, “well, it doesn't matter if you got zero likes or a million likes. If you like it, it's worth a trillion likes”.

Social media is a pretty cool platform. It really pushes you to be out there and to advocate or bring awareness on everything that's going on with life.

So it had a huge impact on my life, especially as a young adult. You can post anything in it and - just over time, it really becomes part of everybody's lifestyles and lifetimes.

It also opens up a world of different people who are in the same community as you. So you get to be a part of the LGBTQ community or meet with other people of color or really belong to different communities.

It allows the people of these communities to really show themselves as who they are and genuinely connect with other people.

The negative side is that everyone is quick to talk smack about somebody on social media. There's times where famous people make a minor mistake and everybody is quick to get on it. I mean the person is targeted for the smallest little mistake - when in reality, they are trying their best on everything. So I sometimes feel that conversation of accountability in certain situations is not really there.

ISAIAH GRANT Videographer and Youth Leader

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STEPHANIE SAIZ

Civil Engineer, Obstacle Course Racing

Through this journey, I have become more confident in who I am, in my abilities and in my skin. So, when I do share something, I feel confident about it. But I will say - that is only the case if I post something when I want to express something and I'm not just posting it to fill my ego. Because if I'm posting it to fill my ego, then I definitely feel more insecure about it. And I feel we've all done that. We posted things just to fill some void. But whenever I post something because I want to show everyone a piece of my journey or something that I experienced - it's something that I care about. I do it because I think it’ll bring something positive to others. I don't feel as selfconscious about it. I don't really care if people were to crucify me for that - it doesn't fundamentally change the fact that it's something special to me.

I'm getting towards that sweet spot where I'm visible enough but at the same time, not too visible. Sometimes, I feel like I can just throw whatever on my Instagram and no one's going to notice. But that's also where social media can get toxic. If I post a story - and all I see is views but no engagement - then I feel like people are skipping through but no one's really seeing it. That can get really discouraging sometimes especially when my work relies on people taking time off their day and checking out my music. Other times I feel like I am really visible. If I put up a song that people enjoy - they are suddenly sharing it on their social media and spreading the word, especially in my local community. People are giving me that chance and it feels great.

The upsides for me of not being visible enough is that I can be a little private. There are moments where I want to appeal to everybody and there are moments where I just want to lose some people.

Sometimes I don't really care what I post - I’d be posting memes on my stories because I like memes. And that's obviously not meant to advance a brand - that's just me posting nonsense memes for the sake of being nonsensical and just being a normal person. Not being visible enough allows me to be a normal person.

But I definitely do feel the pressure of feeling I have to cut that down in order to maintain a brand. If you'll look at my Instagram and if you scroll all the way down towards summer last year - every single thing I've made is super professional. The photographer. The pictures were edited in a certain way. It had to match a certain theme. I cared about all those things and it just stressed me out so much. But you can only maintain a brand for so long. You're still a normal person and you use social media on a daily basis and eventually your real side - you want to be able to express that as well.

KUNAL BHATTACHARJEE Music Producer

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AKASH MADDALA Beatboxer and Music Producer

Well, social media was everything to me. If there's no Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat - I would probably only be known to the friends that I hang out with. But now - with this virtual connection that can exist anywhere in the world - I'm this source of entertainment that's just open to millions of people. And through sharing my work - I get a spot in their daily routine where they can watch my journey but I also get to improve as an artist.

There's just this border where you upload stuff and it's instantly viewed by a lot of people. And there's this continuous feedback cycle where you can receive comments, improve, see what people like and what people are doing. But my perceptions aren’t based on that. While that is sufficient to start - you eventually end up doing the stuff that you enjoy and that is also appreciated.

The best part is that social media has connected me to so many people many of them that I haven't even physically met. Now, because of that interaction with me - even if they do not follow me - I know what's happening in their life and what their perspectives are. It has connected me to people who think unconventionally. It influenced the idea that I can be more than what I am. It pushed me beyond just having a regional influence on my thoughts, my behavior, my actions, my sense of fashion and just my perspective about life.

Being visible/ invisible is less impacting on my life because I don't have a huge following - which is totally fine. Also, because I'm so independent in terms of who I am - people's opinions don't easily affect me. I mean, I'll take it into consideration if a bunch of people are correcting me - maybe I’m doing something wrong and I can then change that. But luckily, I handle things really well - so people’s opinions don't really hurt me. That being said, being invisible can definitely be important because it's hard to always be talking to people. It can get overwhelming. So I think the gym is a great place to also hide from that as well. Unless you go to a public gym and you find a bunch of people who know you, then that can be unfortunate.

Right now, I post on my Instagram but I'm not actively trying to make more people notice me as that's not one of my priorities. It's more of documenting my progress and - whoever is in my life right now will see it. When it comes to sharing on social media, there are already many great ways of doing it. There's a lot of people that I respect in how they portray themselves and in how they motivate people to be better.

But I think the more toxic side is just people who are always posting super perfect pictures - but not telling the people how to get there. Maybe it's just the lighting - but they could just be honest and say, “I always look this” or “Sometimes, I look this”. But that honesty isn't always the case.

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STEPHEN WU Mechanical Engineer , Weight Training

MANASWINI AVVARI

Kuchipudi Choreographer

My main focus has always been and will be stage performances. I love to be in that spotlight for -the 8 mins, 40 mins, however long it is. However, now, I actually have more of a presence online than I do on the stage. People were actually interested in what I was creating. So, that was definitely a motivator for me to keep going, keep learning and keep sharing information - especially about Indian classical dance, which is so difficult to understand in the first place. To be able to share that content with someone who wants to view it and is able to understand it is really exciting.

The negative side of it, though, which I will admit to actually doing, is creating for the sake of social media. And I’ve definitely gotten into that mindset of “I don't have a video to put out tomorrow. So I need to do something right away or create something for social media” - when that's not what I wanted to do in the first place. I don't regret any of the pieces that I've done. I've always put in my 100 percent effort as the only reason I would ever do a piece is because I'm actually excited about it. But at the same time, my focus on doing stage performances and learning suddenly went down. The primary focus became “I got to do more videos or I got to do more photo shoots to be able to put more content out.” My focus was completely shifting and that wasn't on purpose.

So it became important to reevaluate “why did I start this in the first place?” Let me go back to that goal and focus on that goal. I just wanted to have an online presence to be able to collaborate with people and learn from them - which is what I’m doing right now.

The one thing that I am very, very particular about is putting my voice out there as a reflection of who I am and what I believe. I wouldn't put something out there if I didn't truly believe in it. I definitely have tried to put myself in as many spaces as I can but I have never let myself compromise the fact of what my identity is and what I believe in order to be a part of a certain space.

If anyone reads my work or more to see my work, I think one of the things that's automatically very visible is that I don't really sugarcoat anything. I talked very openly about my experiences with assault. I talk very openly about my own experiences with mental health. I don't hold back anymore. At least there was a time where I obviously did, but just because I was afraid of how people would react. I just was not in a space that was accepting of who I was. So having that voice now is a very big achievement, just because I didn't think I could have that at one point in my life.

VAIDEHI GAJJAR Writer, Advocate Page 45

I. E.XPLORE VEDHA GHANTA Photography by Lennon Cheng Instant Messenger, Floppy Disks and Mp3s Playing PC games from old CDs Searching random things, we’d heard somewhere Watching YouTube ads with that one jump scare Then momma would yell at us to go out at play Those were our simplest digital days.

Microsoft Word, Excel, and more Computers were quite different before Our own emails, accounts and friends Now our online searching never really ends But with the good came some bad too Online we learned about things that momma never knew.

We learned about secrets When no one else could see We could talk to anyone And be whoever we wanted to be We asked all the questions Momma never told us answers for We left no stone unturned And opened every hidden door We e.xplored everything; Struggling with who it was that we could be We saw it all behind the mask Of little cyber-me.

Cyber-me is open And does not have to hide All feelings that normal me Struggles to keep inside Cyber-me is depressed, And turned on by cyber-you Cyber-me wants to learn of different loves and different genders too!

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Cyber-me is angry Broken, and hateful too Cyber-me is crying; reaching out to you.

Cyber-me is hopeful on what tomorrow could be on learning things, we never knew and finally breaking free.

Cyber-me Was just a way to find Who we were meant to be And without all that cyber-me had learned we would not be Free.

I explored everything; We all did, in our own way And all those conversations Showed us what we wanted to say.

I e.xplore Still to this day But now I know who I am And what I want to say Still, I wish that I had known Of all the dangers, back when I e.xplored from home.

When I am Momma I will e.xplore With you.

I will show you how to be careful, honest and wise Of how to looks for answers Navigate harsh seas and cloudy skies.

I will give you answers To every question you ask But if you have some secrets I’ll let you wear a mask.

I’ll tell you to go outside As my momma told me But I’ll also tell you to explore Be curious and free.

UNSPLASH: @LENNONZF

But mostly, When U. e.xplore Momma will say To be weary of all the dangers As you try to find your way.

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GRATITUDE To Carla Thank you for believing in me when no one else did. Thank you for creating a first-of-a-kind empathy-led, intersectionality-driven and socialimpact focused fellowship environment.

To Ivan Thank you for helping me find the lessons from experiences that were difficult to navigate. Thank you for your wisdom, vulnerability and compassion.

Thank you for being an incredible mentor.

To Allie Thank you for your compassion, your consistent efforts to create an understanding (and mindful) world and of course, your sassy interpretations!

To Ilana Thank you for your wholesomeness, your mischief, your unbelievable capacity to genuinely connect with people and your contagious smile!

To David Thank you for pioneering and persevering through an oft-overlooked space. Thank you inspiring youth to own, lead and drive impactful ventures.

To Matt Thank you for teaching me how to harness vulnerability, sincerity, authenticity and power to effectively elevate meaningful narratives.

To Mina Thank you for being an infinite source of radical love, unapologetic support and unbridled optimism. Thank you for being our sunshine.

To Tony Thank you for fearlessly giving me the kind of "tough love" feedback that pushed me beyond my assumptions, inhibitions and comfort.

To Dani Thank you for your enthusiasm, your positive vibes and unconstrained belief in youth leaders. Page 49

To all the artists, Thank you for creating work that's caused me to question, reflect and better understand the world - and myself. Thank you for pouring yourself in a way that's so authentic, raw and real - that it has the potential to move people and inspire change.

To all the activists, Thank you for your courage, your tireless pursuit of education and accountability as well as your ever-growing resilience. Thank you for showing how to unlearn, how to advocate unapologetically, how to amplify marginalized communities and how to dismantle every force that tries to put people down.

To all the entrepreneurs, Thank you for spearheading spaces that disrupt injustice, inequality and implicit bias. Thank you for sustaining spaces and resources that aim to empower marginalized communities.

To everyone who shared their personal journey, Thank you for your vulnerability, empathy, growth and resilience. Thank you for sharing the deepest parts of your self in a sincere attempt to help others who are struggling.

Thank you for being you.

To all wonderful writers and artists, Thank you for your efforts to document, analyze, inform, destigmatize and challenge with your work. Thank you for effectively bridging the gap between creativity, research and impact.

To Arjun, Falin and Peeyusha, Thank you for helping me through burnout, for pushing me through low esteem, for supporting me in real, tangible ways - and for being my best friends. Thank you for always believing in me.

To Prameela, Thank you for persevering even if you did not believe that you're capable of creating impact. Thank you for accomplishing what you thought was improbable. Thank you for learning to believe that you're capable of manifesting things - beyond your understanding of your own potential.

KEEP IN TOUCH WEBSITE INSTAGRAM STAY SUBSCRIBED

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SECOND EDITION, FOCUSED ON BUILDING SAFE SPACES, COMING UP SOON! Page 50

ARTIST: ILANA NGUYEN IG: @STORY.WELL