BAGEL

Now I appeal to my Cleveland sports teams. Think of the catering. Think of the fans pregaming with bagels in the Muni Lot! Think how wonderfully energized your players and staff will be after carb loading and how much better they would perform after a scrumptious bagel.

Speaking of performing, think of all the performing artists working in Playhouse Square who would enjoy a wonderful bagel. There’s the employees for all of the theaters, especially those at Cleveland Play House who share a building with Cleveland State students. Technicians, theater staff members and actors would be able to break far more legs after being serenaded by a beautiful bagel shop.

Cleveland needs to be unified by bagels. Not only that, we are drastically out-bageled by other cities. Of course, NYC bagel shops are the role model of what we can be. Utopia Bagels, a bagel shop in Queens makes 100,000 handmade bagels each day. Each day, we are being dusted in the world of bagels. I am concerned, because when you google cities known for bagels do you know who appears on a list before us?! Columbus. If we want to improve our reputation to being more than “the mistake on the lake,” we need to step up and become the bagel capital of Ohio. After that? We take on the world. Cleveland bagels against the world. We won’t just be known as The Land — we’ll be The Land of Bagels.

In summary, here is why we need a bagel shop downtown:

1. To feed bagel craving CSU students (me) and improve the quality of our campus.

2. To compete in a national, nay, global bagel market.

3. To improve our sports teams’ performances. Lord knows the Browns need it.

4. Mayor Bibb can’t work with an empty tummy. Get this man a bagel.

5. To feed the fans and employees of our sports teams and theaters. The entire entertainment scene of Cleveland hangs on the very balance of having a bagel shop.