Dotun Adebayo Rate him or hate him - you can’t ignore him! Let’s face it, I’m not Gary Lineker

IT’S QUITE something when your missus has to point out:

YOU AIN’T GARY LINEKER.

You would have thought it was obvious. But every now and then I lose my mind and think the same rules apply, even though deep down, when I think about it really hard, I know that I don’t have anywhere near Lineker’s privileges. And yet, when I look in the mirror, I am the fairest of them all.

That mindset has cost me dearly in the past. When you try and reason with the old bill and you see whether you have white privilege. They pulled me over for nothing just before Christmas and left me two grand poorer.

My missus wants to ensure that doesn’t happen again.

That’s why she keeps going on…

YOU’RE NOT GARY LINEKER

YOU’RE NOT GARY LINEKER

YOU’RE NOT GARY LINEKER

Morning, noon and night...

YOU ARE NOT GARY LINEKER

I can see clearly now that I am not Gary Lineker.

Naive

I won’t lie, I deluded myself into thinking that he and I are on the same level – he’s a broadcaster... well, so am I. But it don’t work like that. Maybe for some, but for the majority of us WE AIN’T GARY LINEKER. The difference is if WE slip WE slide back to being unemployed.

No, I don’t think it would be any different if I presented Match of the Day. I am not 100 per cent sure Ian Wright presenting Match of the Day would have made any difference to the outcome.

He is not naive enough to think he’s got white privilege, and that the Prime Minister would come out urging the BBC to find some resolution with him after he tweeted (in support of migrants) that the government are that of Nazi Germany in some of their rhetoric, as Rishi Sunak (the government) did over Linekergate.

It’s always a shock though when you are told in no uncertain terms YOU ARE NOT GARY LINEKER. I had to tell one of my brothers that the other day. He now realises that he ain’t got white privilege. Took a long time, but now he gets it.

For years I thought he was as English as the weald or wold, though not equally as old. You can’t blame me. He was kinda odd. He was certainly the odd one out at school and in the workplace and also at home.

Somewhere along the line his blackness was discombobulated and he thought he could get into an argument with the old bill when he knew full well that he had half a spliff on him. I didn’t even know, I swear.

Why would anyone carry half a spliff with them and then get into an argument about equal rights and justice with the old bill who were simply asking us where we were coming from and if we had any guns on us. As they do, particularly if you haven’t got said privileges.

I know. I know what you’re thinking. Where were the parents when my brother was becoming discombobulated? Did they not realise they were bringing up a ‘privileged’ child? Or at least a child who thought that the same rules that applied to the rest of us didn’t apply to him.

Our parents wouldn’t have liked it, but in dem times it wasn’t such a bad thing. In dem times if you managed to turn your children from Black to white it was like you won the lottery, because there was this one kid who would lift you out of the ghetto you were living in.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t just our parents who might have reasoned in that way but, indeed, us the rest of the children as well.

All I ever dreamt about when I was young and ignorant was be the answer to all our problems, including the sometimes strained relationship between our parents.

Sometimes I would give our dad cuteye (behind his back obviously, otherwise I would not be here to tell the tale), thinking why did mum marry you, why couldn’t she have found a nice caucasian guy?

I reasoned it was better to be Black with a white father than to be white with a Black father. You know how the juvenile mind works, and sometimes you have to get a proper clap in the head.

Look at Boris Johnson. Do you think that if he was Kwasi Kwarteng (KK — I do hope his middle name is not Kenneth) he would have been able to say “It wasn’t me?” like Shaggy in front of that parliamentary committee he spent hours pleading with the other day that “hand on heart” I never done dem things you say I done (‘blow the grammar, I never went to Eton like Boris and Kwasi).

Nah, man. They would have sent Black Boris to the political gallows for breaking COVID rules.

Remember how Liz Truss threw KK under the bus last autumn when she was in that desperate race to survive longer than the lettuce? He is still there. Under the bus. No doubt thinking this cannot be happening to me. I am an old Etonian!

Things like this don’t happen to people like us – me, Boris and Rishi (a Wykehamist).

Remember what I said, YOU AIN’T GARY LINEKER, my wife says. You may be a top broadcaster for the BBC, probably the best if truth be told, but there are different rules in life for the likes of you and for the rest of us who ain’t millionaires.

They can take a stance and not back down and even get up and stand for their rights like Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and Bunny Wailer told us to do.

Privilege

But you can only get away with that when you’re on a certain level and, I won’t lie, it probably helps if you’re not Black.

But privilege is about money too. The privilege to be able to say, I don’t care if they sack me. I’ve got more millions than they’ve had hot dinners.

My wife gives it to me straight. And I needed to hear it straight:

DOTUN, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, YOU ARE NOT GARY LINEKER?

One of my cousins, who was brought up by white foster parents, had to be told by his broth- er on his 60th birthday that ‘Oh by the way, Scooby, you’re not mixed-race.’ The poor guy had been deluded all this time. What a moment. You should have been there.

I myself was gobsmacked. Absolutely gobsmacked. This was news to me. You see, I always thought he was mixed race. Not so much because of the complexion of his skin but because of different kind of stuff. You know how you just assume that someone is mixed-race.

Living in this country we do have privileges too. Beige privileges. We can see that every time there is a story about the lengths migrants are prepared to go to, to get to the UK.

When they are risking their lives trying to cross the Channel in a bathtub, I think it’s fair to say that they regard the US as white with all the privileges that follow.

Some of us are even joining in the chorus of:

SEND ‘EM BACK SEND ‘EM BACK THEY AIN’T GARY LINEKER SO SEND ‘EM BACK DOTUN ADEBAYO!