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The Way I See It... 2015 JUST SOUNDS RIGHT
Come on! It’s 2015. It’s going to be a great year - the number just sounds right. I’ll say it again. Can you believe it? It’s 2015! Wow, who’d have thought we would all make it to 2-0-1-5. I sure never did. Okay, so there’s a little trouble in the world with Syria and Iraq and North Korea and Iran and Palestine and Israel and Pakistan and West Africa and oh, yeah, the USA. But I believe this year it will finally all calm down for a while. Sure, there’s Ebola to think about and racial tensions and another Malaysian airplane disaster, tsunamis, snow storms, movie hacking, ISIS and the Taliban, the do-nothing Congress, school shootings and what’s going to happen to Bo, but STOP! Job unemployment is at an all-time
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wisdom ♠ My wife asked me if her mother could come down for New Year’s Eve. She’s been on the roof since Christmas Day.
♣ You know, if you have a pear-shaped body, you shouldn’t wear pear-colored clothes or act juicy. ♥ If 2014 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.
Matt Gorby
♠ Tonight is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.
SOUPY Sales PHOTOGRAPHERS Jimmy Olsen Ida Belle Gorby REPORTERS All Our Sorry Relatives ADVERTISING Don Draper The Blatant County News has never won any awards, nor do we plan to. Our only goal is to not win (or lose) any lawsuits, so please, pretty, pretty please, DO NOT sue us. 22
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If you just read yours, you’re missing out on 11 jokes!
♦ —Would you care for a cocktail? — Well, if it really needed me, I imagine I would. Is it going to be alright? Chris Millspaugh
The Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos, the Northwest’s two winning NFL franchises, are both moving into the playoffs (as well as Gorbs’ beloved Patriots) and the Seattle
Mariners open Spring Training in Arizona in February right after the Super Bowl. And, this year the Mariners have another big time bat in Nelson Cruz to back up Robinson Cano and Kyle Seager. Plus, the Boise State Broncos are going to the Fiesta Bowl in a big turn-around year. Even the Sun Valley Suns are entertaining fans once again. It all looks good, Blatant County Fans. Bring it on! 2015 - it just sounds right.
crap!
FROM THE SHALLOW END
email:
low, the stock market is soaring and it costs only $2.39 per gallon of gas in the Wood River Valley in the middle of Christmas week. We’ve got snow blanketed all over the valley and all the roads are clear. People are happy and get to touch base with old friends they haven’t partied with in a long while.
♦ My five-year plan? I don’t even have a five-minute plan. ♣ With great power comes great responsibility, so you’ll be pretty carefree. ♥ After gambling all night in Jackpot, I finally won $8.50. So, with the four free drinks and a bowl of peanuts, I saved room and board. ♠ I rather enjoy holiday road rage. ♦ Christmas chain mails, egg nog and fruitcake are off my “must-have” list for 2015.
CAPRICORN: (December 22 - January 20) Here’s your forecast for 2015. It will be the best year of your life. AQUARIUS: (January 21 - February 19) All in all, you will never again have a better year than 2015. P ISCES: (February 20 - March 20) People will be amazed at what an outstanding, wonderful year you will have in 2015. ARIES: (March 21 - April 20) Perhaps the best year of your life awaits you in 2015. TAURUS: (April 21 - May 21) You will have the greatest year of your life in 2015. G EMINI: (May 22 - June 21) Never have I predicted a better new year for anyone other than you for 2015. CANCER: (June 22 - July 23) Everyone will be stunned at what a great year 2015 will be for you. L EO: (July 24 - August 23) Wow, is all I can say regarding your grand fortune for 2015. V IRGO: (August 24 - September 23) Yes, you will experience the most wonderful year of your life in 2015. L IBRA: (September 24 - October 23) Even your worst enemies will have to admit that 2015 was all about you and your colossal luck. SCORPIO: (October 24 - November 23) After 2015 is over, you will realize it was, by far, your best time ever! S AGITTARIUS: (November 24 - December 21) Right now, for 2015, I can predict that no one will have a better year than you will.
T H E W E E K LY S U N • T H E B L A T A N T C O U N T Y N E W S •
DECEMBER 31, 2014