The Wessex Wire The Student Newspaper of West Essex Regional High School
Vol. XLVII No. 2
West Essex High School, 65 West Greenbrook Road , North Caldwell, NJ
Construction Continues As State Of The Art Parking Facility Is Approved by Benjamin Sunshine ‘09
The controversy over parking at West Essex will come to an end when a new state of the art parking garage will be completed for the 2010-2011 school year. Coinciding with the reconstruction of the school in order to have the ninth grade in the high school, the parking issues have grown into a major conflict. The administration implemented a new system in which each senior had to buddy up with another senior to be able to park. However, most seniors will tell you that they would prefer to drive to school by themselves in their own car. “Why can’t our school provide enough parking for every senior like most other schools do,” asked Senior Andrew Cross. The new parking garage will be a state of the art, multi-level garage that will hold approximately 1000 spaces. The garage will also have elevators at each level. The garage
School Day To Be Extended By Additional Period by Jonathan Struss ‘09
For years students have enjoyed their school day being nine periods long. That will be coming to an end after a long fought battle between the Board of Education and the faculty and students. The West Essex Board of Education has decided to up the amount of periods in a school day from nine to ten. The school Inside This Issue:
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News
West Essex Garage Layout
will be used by all high school staff, students, and visitors, while the junior high parking system will remain the same. “I know everyone at the high school will appreciate this great facility. I think our seniors deserve this privilege being that many other local schools have enough parking,” said Principal Barbara Longo. The current visitors’ parking area/ bus lanes will be used as a new and improved bus station for both high schools. “I am so glad that they are improving the bus area because it is very disorganized and jam-packed,” said Bus Driver Patty Doyle. This building of this new parking garage will be headed by Turner Construction Company. They have already begun to layout the blueprints and have set a completion date for the 2011-2012 school year. “We look forward to this project and we feel that our 2010-2011 goal is definitely in reach,” said Bob Dumont, Head of Construction. day of the past, which lasted 148 minutes, now will be 196 minutes with the extra period. “We feel that students need more time to learn and that another type of elective class would better the student population,” said Superintendent Mario Cardinale. Many students do not agree. Junior Zack Vintencz said, “The nine day period was long enough, and to add ten periods is just wrong. There is absolutely no need for this extra period when students are already forced to sit in class for nine periods.” Almost
Linsalato Descended from Christ? Backpack Bomber Strikes Again
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Feature
April 2008
FACULTY PARKING AREA
-photo courtesy of Haliburton Construction
all students here at West Essex feel the same way. The idea of the ten period day had been a constant topic of discussion here at West Essex, but
Exclusive Inteview With Teen Werewolf
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Arts & Culture
Mark Walsh Ballet Review
students and teachers felt that it would never go through. The Board of Education wanted the plan passed for the last two years,
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Opinion
W.E. Hate Teachers
April 2008
The Wessex Wire
Finger Food Gains A Whole New Meaning by Alyson Roseman ‘10
Artist rendering of how scene may have looked if the finger had been found in a pizza rather than a mozzerella stick.
Essex Fells No Longer A Sending District by Stephen Kinslow ‘09
For
t h e p a s t 5 5 y e a r s , t h e “They wouldn’t let me sit on the township of Essex Fells was bus with them on the account allowed to send their children that I wasn’t wearing a popped to West Essex Regional High collar shirt and because I come School. As of next year, the f r o m a n A s i a n b a c k g r o u n d , ” board of education has decided Senior Jeremiah Lim said. to deny all students coming from This was appalling news when b r o u g h t t o t h e o ff i c e b y t h e the town of Essex Fells. Shocked looks appeared as stu- senior, but it got worse as the dents heard the news that their complaint kept coming in. friends from Essex Fells won’t “Good, I don’t care if those be returning next year. The rich snobs aren’t allowed to board of education has decided come to school next year,” said that Essex Fells should start Junior Jon Struss. “They all their own school since only 6-10 think they’re so tough with their popped collars and ‘popular’ atkids come titude.” from EsT h e “They all think they’re so tough sex Fells student in every with their popped collars and b o d y grade. ‘popular’ attitude.” seems to “ [ We s t be split Essex] on the will be able to spend more money on decision even though they have security and technology if Essex no say in what happens next year Fells leaves the school,” stated anyway. Mrs. Longo. She feels positive “You know, I can’t believe the about this decision and can’t board of education would do wait to see what next year will this over a little money,” sobbed Mark Walsh, a resident of Essex be like. Tears and sobbing filled the Fells. “It almost seems like they halls the week of this news. are jealous of our wealth that M a n y o f t h e s t u d e n t s w e r e our parents worked so hard to shocked and saddened, but some achieve” The final decision is to be made had other things to say.
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A finger was found in cafeteria food purchased by sophomore Casey Campos. On Thursday, January 17, 2008 Campos was eating lunch in the cafeteria during seventh period when she spotted a fingernail in her mozzarella sticks. “When I first saw the blue painted fingernail I couldn’t believe it!” Campos said. Upon discovering the fingernail, Campos alerted the rest of her table. Olivia Rotenberg, another sophomore at the table, examined the “mozzarella stick,” took the breading off, and revealed that it was in fact a finger. “I thought it was disgusting and unsettling,” Rotenberg commented. “I already believed that the cafeteria’s hot lunches were nasty but this is really grotesque. If I were in Casey’s place right now I would probably sue the school.” Campos originally went along with Rotenberg’s idea and decided to sue the school cafeteria for lack of edible food and for violating health codes. Fortunately for the school, the board of education was able settle things out of court and decided to team up with Campos and sue the mozzarella sticks company instead. “The cafeteria receives frozen mozzarella sticks from a company that has been thought to be trustworthy. Since the company is the one responsible for this, not the cafeteria staff, we [the board of education] feel that the company should be reprimanded, not the school,” The board of education said about their plans to sue Snapps Mozzarella Sticks. “They [Snapps Mozzarella Sticks] on April10 at the board of education office. The residents of Essex Fells will be allowed to plead their case and defend their motive to why their kids should be permitted to come to West Essex Regional high School. A major defense from the Fells side is that their school will be too small to in population and that hiring teachers will be a problem in that they only have a half years notice.
were always a hit with the kids. It’s appalling to think that an actual human finger somehow got into the bag of frozen sticks and was sent out,” Sue Smith, one of the cafeteria workers, said. Snapps Mozzarella Sticks has been around for twenty years and has been delivering to West Essex for about ten years. This is the second time a body part was uncovered in the mozzarella sticks. They refused to comment on the West Essex incident. On Oct. 11, 2007, a toe was discovered at Birch Lenox, a private school in New York City. This incident prompted the police in the area to investigate whose body the mysterious toe belonged to. From the evidence the police gathered, a theory was developed that the toe belonged to Gloria Snapp, the daughter of “Mozzarella Man” himself, Mr. Snapp, who was reported to have gone missing after getting a manicure and pedicure at a Soho Nails salon on September 12th, 2007 in Plover, Wisconsin. “I believe the finger in my mozzarella stick was is in fact Gloria’s. I mean come on! She got her nails painted before-hand and everything. This disturbing incident should definitely bring those responsible to justice,” Campos said upon hearing the news of the disappearance of Miss Snapp. Campos and The Board of Education have brought the Wisconsin police into the matter of uncovering the truth behind the finger and the toe found in Snapps Mozzarella Sticks. They plan to go to court on March 25, 2008 in New York City. “In addition, keeping the Fells at West Essex isn’t harming the environment but actually benefiting the other students who are less fortunate,” said Barbara Zimmer. The students’ of West Essex are eager to hear the final say on this decision of denying Essex Fells. It is just a matter of time to see whether West Essex will be a three or four school district.
April 2008
The Wessex Wire
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Toilet Paper ‘Budget Cuts’ Leave Feminist Students ‘Outraged’ by Amanda Nichols ‘08
At the most recent board meeting
the school board made the decision to cut toilet paper from the school’s budget. “It was unfortunate that we had to make this decision, but with all of the new construction we had to make some sacrifices,” Superintendent Mario Cardinale said. “I’d take the beautiful new wings over a roll of Charmin any day.”
Some female students, however, feel that they are sacrificing more than the male students are. “Its simple anatomy,” Senior Rachel LeWinter said. “Boys just won’t be affected by the budget cuts as girls will be. It’s ridiculous that I have to bring my toilet paper money into school along with my lunch money.” Feminist student organizations are rising up against the referendum. “I organized a group of female students to picket the bathrooms,” Senior Maria Dontas said. “The administration should know that the students of West Essex aren’t going
Got Milk? W.E. Do! by Dylan Cascino‘09
Despite an overwhelming majority of students in favor of the current Snapple machines in the cafeteria, the Board of Education has decided to bring back the milk machines and take away the Snapple machines all together. The Board of Education, to aid their choice, released a poll to students, in which 98% favored the Snapple machines that are here right now. Ignoring the results though, the Board of Education continued with their plan to banish the Snapple machines, proving their poll useless. The reasons for taking away the machines according to a member of the B.O.E. who requested anonymity are for the purpose of keeping the school cleaner and for safety purposes. “The staff has noticed a new trend that students have been doing with
to take this without a fight. “ The students have also organized a urine strike by picketing the bathroom with signs that read “hell no we won’t go.” They will not go to the bathroom during school until the budget for toilet paper is reinstated. “I drank an entire Snapple during lunch, but I won’t give in,” Senior Marietta Alessi said. “I’m determined to stand up for my rights as a woman.” Not all students, however, are irritated by this new budget cut. “It’s not such a big deal,” Junior Margaret Clinton said. “It’s a good opportunity for me to use my portable bidet attachment.” Some male students are enjoying the effects of this most recent budget cuts. “I always keep a roll of toilet paper in my backpack,” Sophomore Andrew Thierman said. “It’s a good way to be a hero with the ladies.” Local businesses are also feeling the effects of this new lack of toilet paper. “We’ve definitely noticed a steep increase in the purchase of toilet paper,” Jeffery Meeber, manager of
the A Plus Convenience Store down the street, said. “Yet, we have also noticed a steep decrease in coffee and soda and snacks like pretzels and potato chips.” Students have been staying away from salty snacks because as Senior Amanda Plawner said, “they just make you thirstier.” Even though students are discovering new ways to get around the rules
every day, feminists are still working to make the school board retract the budget cut. “If the pee strike and the picketing don’t work, we’re going to have to move on to bigger ideas,” Dontas said. “This week the school board meeting and next week the ACLU.”
do students go and find the tops of the cans that they flick off, leaving them on the floor. Despite the little mess they make, our staff of janitors have to exert an extra effort of work to clean up the floor. Also, when the top is flicked off, it comes off at a fast speed at times and in sporadic directions, creating the chance of it flying into a student’s eye and possibly causing permanent damage.” Junior Joe Stigliano, admits he tries to understand the claim that the Board of Education is making. In the end though, he states he doesn’t of increasing a cleaner and safer understand why. environment? “The whole idea of getting rid “After they finish playing, rarely of the Snapple machines makes no
sense to me at all,” Stigliano said desperately. “If they believe that the top of the cans are so hazardous, why not just replace them with bottles?” “When am I ever going to drink milk in school? I need my ice tea!” Junior Anthony Suppa, who is lactose intolerant, feels that getting rid of Snapple is a bad idea, but replacing them with milk is worse. “Last year there was a milk machine in the school, and its popularity never grew.” Suppa said. “In addition, those who are in no condition to drink milk including I feel that it is unfair, and now will have nothing to drink at lunch except water.” Even though the student population is heavily against the switch, the B.O.E. continues to believe that this is the right move. “We truly believe that this is the right move.” The anonymous B.O.E. member said. “I think once students get used to the milk machines being here, their opinions will switch quickly.”
their cans after they are done drinking them,” the B.O.E. member said. “They alternate flicking the top part of the can until the top comes off.” How does this support their claim
April 2008
The Wessex Wire
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‘Fraude’ is Spanish For Fraud West Essex Senior Has Award Revoked by Matt Cohn ‘08
After completing a history project about his family tree, it has appeared that Billy Mensch is a fraud, and that his Spanish lineage is nothing but a lie, much like a lot of things in Mensch’s life. Mensch, last year’s National Hispanic Scholar Award winner, has been revoked of this reward, being labeled instead as a fraud. Mensch has graced our newspaper’s writings since the beginning of the year, with stories of triumph and courage, and even appearing in our highly touted, “Applause and Flaws,” section, for his commendable awards. The only problem is, he scammed us all. “Thanks to a long term history project the truth about Billy Mensch has finally come out,” Mensch’s long-time Spanish teacher, Senora Hart said. “We all doubted his true roots for years, he doesn’t look like
he has an ounce of Spanish in his blood, and we were right.” Mensch and his family are ashamed. Mensch had received numerous scholarship offers for being National Hispanic Scholar award winner and now all that money goes down the drain with the awards. “My family and I are embarrassed to say the least,” said Mensch, who was tracked down by FBI agents. “We had to flee North Caldwell, people were calling for my head.” Many of Mensch’s former classmates think that his family’s move into hiding was the right one, for them. “I’m disgusted,” said senior Justin Lisa, a former close friend. “It’s a good thing he moved out of North Caldwell, I was not going to let him get away with this scam he pulled for the last 18 years.” But the thing is, the lying doesn’t just stop with Mensch’s heritage, it also goes back to when he was in
8th grade. It is widely thought that Mensch had acquired the West Nile Virus in 8th grade, one of only 13 cases in the United States. We now know that this is a lie as well. It was revealed that the entire time Mensch was thought to have West
“We had to flee North Caldwell, people were calling for my head.” Nile, it was really just a cold. “This has been something burning inside of me for years and now I am finally getting it off my conscience,” said Mensch. “Really, I was just so embarrassed about my athletic skills that I knew I could blame it on West Nile, I mean, who would make fun of a kid who was bad at sports because of a very rare virus?” Like Lisa, many of Mensch’s old friends cannot believe the news.
“I brought him a lot of things when he was in bed with what I was led to believe was West Nile,” said senior Evan Roth. “I better be compensated for all of the candy and video games I bought him over that three month span, or else a lawsuit may be needed.” So with one lawsuit looming, the question is if Senora Hart is also looking to be compensated. “I am still looking into it,” said Hart. “Whether I decide to sue [Mensch] or not, let it be known that he is a scam and an embarrassment to West Essex High School.” Although many readers were inspired by Mensch’s “Chase for a Dream,” back in February, the only thing you should learn from Mensch is not how to never give up and always have a goal in life, but rather a story on what can happen if you lie, and that lying will always come back to get you.
Simpson Sabatoges Romo’s Dream Of Superbowl Glory by Kristin Kuscin ‘08
Philadelphia Eagles. Images of her sitting in the owner’s box in a tight pink and white Romo jersey were constantly flashed on the big screens around the stadium. “I knew with me there, looking as good as I did, there was no way he’d be able to focus on the game,” Simpson explained. She obviously knew what she was talking about. Romo had one of the worst games of his career,
After weeks of speculation, Jessica Simpson finally admitted to interfering with the Dallas Cowboys football season. The pop star turned actress held a press conference to admit her scheme and answered questions from reporters. When asked why she sabotaged the season, Simpson replied (after asking for the definition of “sabotage”) that she “just wanted to spend more time with my shnooky,” “I should have known Cowboys’ quarterback there was a problem Tony Romo. when he asked if we can “This whole football change the color of our thing was always getting in the way,” Simp- uniforms to pink.” son added. “We could never have a romantic weekend because he either had throwing three interceptions and practice or a game. It was getting getting sacked four times in the annoying.” loss. Eye witnesses, who wish to Simpson first showed up at Cow- remain anonymous, say they even boys’ Texas Stadium on December saw Romo staring and smiling 16 th to watch Romo play the stupidly at the screens whenever
Simpson was shown. When asked whether Simpson was a distraction, Romo said, “Of course not! I don’t bring my personal life into my game. Jessica is simply the most amazing, supportive, talented and beautiful girl there is.” Romo then proceeded to babble praises about Simpson for the next 45 minutes. Romo’s teammates bashed him for his visible lack of focus on the field. “It’s ridiculous,” said running back Marion Barber. “He chose a girl over football, what kind of man is he?” “I should have known there was a problem when he asked if we can change the color of our uniforms to pink,” added running back Julius Jones. Terrell Owens was the only one who came to Romo’s defense. “It’s really unfair,” Owens said. “That’s my teammate. That’s my quarterback. You guys do that, it’s not fair. We lost as a team. We lost as a team, man.”
Now that his quest for the Superbowl is over, Romo vows to spend the off season honing his skills and his concentration. “I plan to work extra hard this summer to make up for the disappointing end we had,” he said. Simpson, however, has other plans. It’s been reported that she’s already booked up the summer months with vacations and other rendezvous. “We have to make up for lost time,” said Simpson. But for now, she added, the couple is enjoying a quiet life at home. “We like to stay home, watch TV while cuddling on the couch, and eat buffalo wings and Chicken of the Sea. But seriously, since when do buffalos have wings?” Yep Tony, she’s a keeper.
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