Vol. 20, No. 4, April 1, 2004
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aSSlC Townsend Harris High School at Queens College
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149-11 Melbourne Avenue, Flushing, NY 11367
Math whizzes m·iscalculate solution to love Editors:
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Jessica Berger, LindaLuu, Nataliya Binshteyn, Francesca Pizarro, Alyssa Chase, Stephen Berger, Leticia Wainer, Eugene To, Amanda Chen
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Writers:
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Christopher Amanna, Diana Bell, Jessica Berger, Nataliya Binshteyn, Linda Luu, Tanaz Talebpour, Maria Wojakowski, Jocelyn Wright, Tina Wu
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by Jessica Berger Accusations of impropriety and misuse of mathematical principles surfaced last week as several females of all grades expressed their previously suppressed frustration and embarrassment, alleging that male Advanced Placement math students were using and abusing their knowledge of calculus to woo them. The Mathematics Department promptly investigated the crisis and determined its plan of action with the speed of a Tl-8 9. The first student to come forward, sophomore Anita LesMath, seethed with anger as she described the way in which senior Cal Q. Lus approached her, pick-up line in tow, during her lunch band. She said, "I was flattered at first when a senior wanted to talk to me, but when I heard what he had to say, my smile quickly faded. He suavely edged his way onto my bench and said, 'Hey, you're acute; what's your angle?' I was appalled. I slapped him right across the face, but, of course, Dean Wanna Givkicks saw the
whole thing and gave me a whopping referral. After the tilth that came out of his mouth, he should have gotten the referral, not I!" After Anita's confession, Assistant Principal of Mathematics Eileen Feelings called for other victims of mathematical harassment to come forward and share their stories.As a result, Ms. Feelings' office was flooded with additional complaints from freshmen Odia Matematicas and Hatte Van Der Mathe, sophomore Nunca Calcula, junior Cant Do Sums, and senior non-calculus student 'Fraida Adding. 'Fraida said, "This is discrimination! Just because I am not a calculus student does not mean that I should be treated this way, especially by senior Matt M. Atticus. I thought he was my friend. How would you feel if someone said, 'I'd like to be a derivative so I can be tangent to your curves' to you? I didn't even know what that meant when he said it, but I knew for sure that he was up to no good. He wouldn't dare say that to a
girl in calculus. I hope that Matt In his own defense, Mr. Redand all of his mischievous, dish-Biuish-Pinkish-Orangishmacho, mildly maniacal, Greenish-Brown said, "I feel methodical, malevolent, mad awful that a little fun in math mathematical miscreants are cla~s led to such a horrible expelled for this. In fact, they outburst. However, one does should be arrested." have to admit that the kids who To make matters worse, one came up with these lines are day after the divulgences, math geniuses. 'Are you the perpetrators C. Cant and Iluv square root of two? Because I Theta were fou~d by their feel irrational around you!' My respective lockers on the third favorite .is, 'I've lost my chain tloor, bruised and disoriented rule doll. Can I hold you inafter having been bludgeoned stead?' That's a classic!" with their very own TI-83 Plus Though she called the calculators by a group of anti- occurrence a step back in the arithmetic vigilantes. After this fight for female equality in the terrible incident, Ms. Feelings fielc;l of mathematics, recently issued a statement, saying, retired teacher Sell me Goldcalcs "This is a very sad day for math said, "It's nice to see some as a whole. I plan on putting a humor in Mathland." stop to this sorry state of events For now, female scholars are immediately by suspending the free to study as they please, but entire A.P. Calculus program, . future intellectual suitors the offensive students, and A.P. should be warned. Although the teacher John Reddish-Biuish- pop group 2ge+her eloquently Pinkish-Orangish-Greenish- sang, "I know my calculus ... Brown indefinitely. I know that It says you+ me= us," love and he is at the heart of this with all calculus are like x andy; when of his jokes. Only a person who they mix, they make a ditlicult mistreats an innocent doll to function to integrate, differentiate, prove a mathematical theorem add, subtract, translate, and can be behind all of this." define.
Rock star manqu.e turned astronaut guffaws in the cosmos Artwork:
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Jessica Berger, Erik Scott, Eugene To, Peter Wamsteker
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1Co-Advisors: Peter Wamsteker, Susan Getting
Principal: Thomas Cunningham
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by Linda Luu As Americans' obsession with reality television burgeons, English teacher Porky Wham!Bam!Slam!Steak!Eer! brings the craze closer to home, joining the cast of contestants on multimillionaire Donald Trump's The Space Cowboy, a show modeled after his latest smash hit The Apprentice . Citing a muchneeded break from essay grading and the prospect of winning a $1 million dollar salary, Mr. W. has officially announced that he will be taking an extended leave of absence while the show is being filmed. For those who consistently read The Classic ;the thought of this typical Harris teacher being shot off into space may not come as a total surprise. In his interview for volume 20, issue I, he commented on his childhood dream of becoming an astronaut. "My mother often scolded at me for putting a pot over my head and jumping off of the dresser, pretending to be
Buzz Lightyear," he exclaimed with a chuckle. For the time being, Mr. Wham!Bam!Slam!Steak!Eer!'s early days of shouting "To
sands of applicants who graduated from Ivy-League NASA University. He must have been impressed by that essay I sent him, in which I passionately declared my wish to 'leave my universe better than I found it.' " · FreshmanYureN.Anus is supportive of the efforts taken by his former teacher to change the future of the entire Milky Way. "He will probably make aliens more . literate by teaching them all about rubrics and writing structure," he said. "I can just iinagine Mr. Wham!Bam!Siam!Steak!Eer! ·c. .. t, no h••tels~~!" becoming Lord of the dP· W k Martians and preaching to . 1ess1ca 8 erger an eter amste er the extraterrestrial creatures infinity and beyond" are about about the importance of 'dull to become a reality. "Although these~ backed by reasons and I cannot wait to see the wonders examples,'" added Junior Anita ofspace,Imustadmitthatiam Flieinamockingvoice. abitnervous.IhopeThings[do However, for Mr. not] Fall Apart," he stated. Bub- Wham!Bam!Slam!Steak!Eer!, bling with excitement, he added, this space venture is simply the "In any case, I am absolutely ideal opportunity for him to thrilled that Mr. Trump has further his studies and see the chosen me over the thou- worldfromadifferentperspective.
"I am eager to Go Tell It on the Crater," he stated. "One week from now, I will be taking a wild spin on a Tail of Two Comets." Aside from using this experience to foster his alwaysgrowing intellect, Mr. Wham! Bam! Slam! Steak !Eer! hopes fo find time to relax in between the hectic visits to Mr. Trump's lavish, floating control room each week. Mentioning his plans to Eat Then Roam, he remarked, "I took a trip to Costco this past weekend and bought myself enough pickles and d<;JUghnuts to last me the entire journey." The Classic, feeling a need to cheer on its advisor, has donated the $40 raised from selling cupcakes at the Winter Carnival to pay for the expenses of these items. Although some students are perturf>ed by the idea of Marc Insofferable replacing Mr. Wham!Bam!Slam!Steak!Eer! as their English teacher for the remainder of the year, others are ecstatic that this event will finally bring much-needed publicity to Townsend Harris.
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The Classic April 1, 2004
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Extra! Extra! Read all about it:
Juvenile delinquents beware, Big Brother's watching by Christopher Amanna Incidences of crime at Townsend Harris have gone up by over 300%, according to new Department of Education fi-ndings; The increase has propelledtheschoolfromnumberl,079 to number I ,073 on the Chancellor's list of Most Dangerous Schools. "These statistics are very troubling," explained Principal Thomas Cunningham at a hastily arranged press conference on the steps of the Melbourne Avenue entrance. "Townsend Harris is a national school of excellence, not a home for wayward children, delinquents, ruffians, and other ne'er-do-wells." The facts, however, support the latter. The Overall School Crime Index, or OSCI, jumped from 0.0001 to 0.0003 . between the spring 2003 and fall 2003 semesters. The OSCI, developed through a joint venture between the NYPD and the Department of Education, is tabulated by adding the number of students and the number of criminal offenses, dividing by the number of classrooms, multiplying by the of number of security guards, and subtracting the average IQ of the students. "The OSCI is one of our best indicators of rampant school crime," said Mayor Mackerel Gloom berg at the press ·
conference. "When we were running Harris numbers through the computer, a red flag literally came up on the screen. Look, see it waving'?" The mayor proceeded to show the crowd a laptop withtheOSCiprogram.Indeed,thered flag was waving. The OSCI also it~mizes the crimes to identify ~peeific trends in transgressions. According to the Index, first degree plagiariSJ;ll has risen tenfold. Such infractions. it\cl.u~e; imprope_r Citations, homewp'rk, copying, ·con~piracy to duplicate laboratory reports, and unauthm:ized-tesearch "collaboration." "It's simply' fiightening,:' gasped Susan Fretting, Assista,nt Principal of Humanities. "Last year, my oepartment reported on·e case of plagiarism. This year we've had elev.en'. Th"e ~UJ!lb.ers sp~_ak for themselves." , . . _ . · An alarming •trend of attempted co!Iateral theft was also detected. Other serious. crimes' prof(led in the OSCI report iiH>lude the brandishing of a cellular phone, illegal use O"f big gym lockers, failure to consistently speak in full sentences, indece~t shoulder exposure, and the lack of directionality in artistic compositions. Art teacher Arty Monosyllables was particularly distraught about this. He remarked, "This situation perplexes me
Attentjon-starv~Q· te.~c~ers Jqpb.y.
tor much-covetea ··recognitlqn- ... by Maria Wojakowski gym teacher Robin Flex woman Secret sources have informed The commented, "It'~ just a little friendly Classic of the teachers' plan to create competition," as she e~ited the weight their own yearbook to be published room with the two finalists ... Results towards the end of the year. Modeled aren't expected anytime soon. after the senior yearbook, with a few The teacher yearbook will also alterations, the yearbook will celebrate include quotations and commentaries. the year from the teachers' point of view. The. mathematics department has "We feel left out and unrecognized. submitted th.eir quotation. "We wanted We teachers want to have some fun ," to assert our strong presence in this said Classics teacher Andrew humanities-focused school, so we Havagoodtime . Teachers are meeting · decided on Plato's 'Let nd one enter here every Friday after sci}ool to work on who is ignorant of mathematics,'" said their project. "The rules are strict. No department A.P. Eileen Feelings. Commentaries will include such topics student may enter! If they get curious, they must be ready to suffer the tragic as the best and worst things to happen consequences!" warned fellow Latin to Townsend Harris, from· the teachers' teacher Richard Ruthless. perspectives, of course. While the worst The yearbook, which will be laid out things are innumerable, the best things by student yearbook advisor Margherita are definitely the elevators. Sophomore Wishingwell, will be full of devilishly Outa Breath agreed with the teachers' handsome pictures of the teachers and choice, saying, "Yes, the teachers are a 'Teacher Superlatives' section. Voting lucky because they get to use the elevators. has already taken place, with Chemis- They don't have to deal with running try teacher Adish Kalamari chosen as up and down the stairs all day." · 'Best Dancer' and art teacher Arty Although the teachers are planning Monosyllables as 'Best Speaker.' to publish the yearbook by the end of The results of the vote for 'Best this school year, they are not sure if they .. Athlete' are still in the process of being will n ake it ac<:essible to students. "I determined due to a tie between Wanna don't know. Do we really want the Givkicks and Keith Handstrength . A students to know what we ' re thinking?" tiebreake r is currently in pro gress . asked skept ical history teacher John Freshman Anita Hobby and Junior Earl O'Jolly. Irritated seniors Alitta Nosey E. Bird said, "We've seen the gym teachers and Greenwith Envy disagreed, saying, racing each other on the track after "We don't withhold our yearbook from school, and one day, they were playing the teachers. Why should we not be able one-on-one basketball. They were red to se e theirs? " They added, " The and sweaty, like they had been there for yearbook is a senior activ i ty . The hours!" While the re c en t intense teachers had their golden years of high competitiveness seems unusual to some: school. They are stealing our show! " '-.
profoundly. It is as though a handful o~· my students are deliberately failing to perform the axis test. Such defective work can never be tolerated." However, the sharpest rise in crime occurred with dillydallying and tardiness, or DDT, as it is commonly called in police lingo. Incidences of DDT occurred in 1.25% of the student population in the 2002 academic year. That figure is now up to 5%. Math teacher Rochelle Frontst expressed her dismay at the increase in DDT. She commented, "It's-ridiculous. Let's review the facts. My students wait aroun~ outside the classroom. They walk in late and don't have passes. How do they expect to learn?'' Parents were also outraged by the findings. "I just don't want to believe it," said 0. Verbearing, the mother of a freshman. "I keep a watchful eye on my son. The only place where I really can't keep tabs on him is at school. I sent him to Townsend Harris because I thought he was safe there, but I guess I was wrong. It pains me to think about it. The rates have tripled! The horror! It is absolutely inexcusable!" Some teachers are already preparing ways to combat the newfound sense of lawlessness that permeates the halls. "Yo man," shouted chemistry teacher
Adish Kalamari. "When I fought in the war, there were strict standards, man. We're going work these' kids and we'~e going to make them sweat. We'll scare them straight, you know, man?" The security guards are currently mobilizing for what is being dubbed "Operation Clampdown." While specific details on the -plan are vague, Sergeant Alicia Battling had this to say: "Zero tolerance ..It's as simple as that. Anyone who breaks the law is going to be punished. we·can't let those numbers go through the ·roof like that. We're going take some action." Chancellor D. Klined commended the principal and the security staff for responding so swiftly to these alarming statistics. He triumphantly exclaimed, "Let Townsend Harris be an example to all crime-laden schools in the city. Brazenly committing violations of such a severe and serious nature will never be overlooked. If you do something wrong, you will pay the price." "I'm looking forward to putting this dark period . in our school's history behind us," said Principal Cunningham, with a sigh of relief, at the conclusion of the conference. "We will be reborn as a newer, safer Townsend Harris: a school where students are free to learn in a crime-free environment."
"'The Way We Were': Class of '88 secures its place participating in history .. by Tina Wu faculty members included "The graduating class of '88 will be remembered forever!" exclaimed senior Way~- Cited last Saturday, April31, as 25 Harri~ seniors and teachers gathered in ·Central Park to bury a time capsule that reflects Harris life today. The relic, which contains items ranging from cassettes of popular songs to VHS tapes
Evgene To
of this year's top movies, will be unearthed in 2004, the 20th anniversary of the newly-opened Townsend Harris. "A group of friends and I came up with this idea one night when we were thinking of ways to make this graduating class special," said Way, the leader of the student-run project. " When Way approached me with the suggestion, I immediately loved it," added Classics teacher Richard Ruthless , " ... and since the group needed teacher supervision for the acti vity, I signed up along with a number of the others [teachers]." Other
Art teacher Arty Monosyllables, who oversaw the creation and decoration of the buried container, and Physical Education teacher Wanna Givkicks, who believed that "working in Central Park on a Saturday morning [would] be a fine form of physical exercise." Weeks before the burial of the time capsule, the entire graduating class was consulted regarding the case's contents. Among the varied suggestions were a tape of Michael Jackson's recent hit Thriller and a videotape of an episode of The Cosby Show. John Love-Sitcoms stated enthusiastically, "Cosby is the best show on TV," and later added, "Cheers and Hill Street Blues are real crowd-pleasers, too." While music and television were picked to represent the social lives of Harrisites, a number of articles were selected to reflect today's national and international situations, including one on "the changes that Gorbachev has made in the Soviet Union," which was contributed by Anna Koldwar. Senior Annie Briation insisted on including_ an article covering the recent increase of the drinking age, saying, "I am so upset that I have to wait until my 21st birthday to drink. I will never forget the impact of this event on my life." "The time capsule w«s a great idea," reflected sophomore Justin Amazement, "I hope every graduating class will carry on this tradition." The staff of The Classic wo~ld like to apologize for the untimely publication of this now outdated piece.
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The Classic April 1, 2004
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A hearty dose of deja vu: 'Much Ado Ab.out Nothing' by Nataliya Binshteyn In the now heightened spirit of school,-wide tolerance for diverse faiths and ideas, a revoluti.onary new club has opened its enchanted doors to Harry Potter savants and all those magically inclined amidst a wave of controversy and protest. The recently approved WWF, formally known as the Witchcraft and Wizardry Federation, has garnered both cheers and sneers on the path to administrative legitimacy unqer the watchful guidance of advisor CrystalBall Hocus, whom founding members tirelessly courted due to his uncanny resemblance to their beloved preteen wizard. Armed with little more than starter wands purchased with mysteriously obtained funds, the WWF hopes to cast a spell on incoming members by offering insight into the mystical world of · potions, phantoms, and the ever-popular art of conjuring dictionaries during the unanticipated Websters patrols carried out by members of the English department faculty and the feared head of thy administration, who is aptly referred to as "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named." Due to the top-secret nature of club procedures, all members are required to faithfully execute the terms of the Amoebic Oath, which prohibits the
use of magic to intentionally harm the school community or manipulate the molecular structures of living organisms used in biology laboratories. "Safety and sorcery are our passions," stated founding member and club president A bra C. Adabra, senior. "We are dedicated to helping the student body explore the magical realm and further common ideals in an environment of camaraderie and mutual understanding," she added while mixing a batch of invisibility elixir and engaging in questionable activities that would typically warrant at least four referrals. Lest anyone should begin to suspect foul-play at the absence of controversy surrounding a newly forn1ed club with all the trappings of nonconformity, a whirlwind of protest and finger-pointing has emerged in the wake of the WWF's formation as m~ny debate magic's role in a school environment. Though club leaders maintain the club's accessibility to members of all creeds and have even reached out to the magically-stunted by distributing complementary, do-it-yourself disappearing
kits, the general uproar over the 'separatiqn of magic and state' has continued to gather steam in garnering the overwhelming support of "Muggles" school-wide.
desperately to ascertain why her arms and legs had vanished. In an unrelated development, a .floating female wandering the halls sans essential body parts was credited with giving students, to the chagrin of the a9ministration, a much-needed half-day, as screaming Harrisites spilled onto Melbourne Avenue with a mixture of horror and relief at having retained the use of their ow~ appendages. Despite the recent rumblings of dissent, the WWF is moving . forward with its plans to educate and enlighten the school public about the uses and benefits of magical mastery in the modern world. Though no scheduling information ha's been made available to press sources due to the unusual nature of its disclosure to the chosen few in a series of regular premonitions, prospective members are encouraged to expand their earthly horizons and join the WWF as Jir.st-year inductees. Erik Scott "Bringing people together as "Magic just sl<louldn't bepractic,ed .in students of timeless witchcraft and school," remarked sophomore Magique, wizardry practices is our ultimate goal," Begone. "This is a place of learning, not stated club secretary Hermione a makeshift dungeon for the excessively . Wannabe. "It is, in fact, its own kind of curious," she added while trying magic."
Mock Trial Team heads to court as Martha.·sfewart.. ·~_afety net '
by Diana Bell An awkward silence followed Martha Stewart's announcement to astonished Principal Thomas Cunningbacon yesterday that she would be using the Mock Trial team as defense counsel for her retrial. In ~ letter to Principal Cunning&acon, Stewart stated, "I am in shock over my present legal situation. I realized I would need to bring in an acclaimed group of talented individuals in order to be acquitted of the charges against me. Having fired my previous defense team, I've reached the conclusion that only the Townsend Harris Mock Trial team members will do." News of a retrial reached the Stewart camp last Friday after the judge ruled that her trial was presided over by a biased jury. The seemingly irreversible twenty-year sentence was overturned Saturday, when a conscience-striken juror came forth to both the judge and the defense team. As the case was not thrown out, a trial date has been set for Monday, April 5, with new juror selection scheduled for April 4 .. Mock Trial Advisor John 0' Jolly did cartwheels along the fourth floor while bellowing "Ralph Nader for President!" when he heard the joyous news. "This is truly a great opportunity for our Mock Trial team to show what they're made of," he stated while catching his breath. According to senior Bob Lowe, a member of the Mock Trial team, "This case will be a walk in the park. By this time next week, Martha Stewart will be a free woman. We already have a solid defense planned out, but we're keeping
our strategy top-secret." The Mock Trial team will arrive prepared at a preliminary hearing on
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ofOmnimedia, Martha Stewart Living's parent company, assuaged the nervous stock~olders' fears and acknowledged
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Jessica Berger
Saturday, April 3 to ask the judge's permission to enlist the Debate Team's help. "This case is a large one ... We wi II need to bring in 'reinforcements,'" said Mr. 0' Jolly, grinning mischievously. Public concern flared yesterday over the possible inadequacy of a teenage defense team, butAnron Moniebags, VP
the importance of the team's role in the retrial. "I don't think many people understand the severity of this situation. If convicted, Ms. Stewart could be put away for twenty years. That is something we [at Martha Stewart Living] simply cannot allow to happen. [Townsend Harris .H igh School] teaches the best
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and brightest in the city, and we are confident in their abilities as lawyers." In their own . defense, the Mock Trial team released this statement: "We assure you all that we would not have accepted this task if we felt that we could not provide Ms. Stewart with the best defense possible. We are greatly appreciative of Ms. Stewart, Omnimedia, Martha Stewart Living, and the entire Townsend Harris Community. We would like to thank them for their continued support." School-wide support and optimism for the Mock Trial team are high. Sophomore Fan O'Martha exclaimed, "This makes me wish I had joined Mock Trial! I'm confident in them and will follow their progress. I can't wait to see their performance in April 5th's opening statements!" she exclaimed while inadvertently and excitedly slapping a fellow sophomore. Junior Free Waksal had a different outlook on such a highly publicized predicament. "I'm clearly cheering for our team, but I don't understand Martha Stewart's problem. If con-victed again, she won't be sent to a 'real' prison. She'll be treated to a celebrity prison," he stated. Stewart, however, refused to comment on this valid point. Starting today, the Mock Trial team will be holding consecutive meetings in room 445. All students and faculty are welcome, under an oath of secrecy that they "do not reveal the inner workings of the defensive mind to the outer world."
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The Classic April1, 2004
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Faculty jailbirds freed after storm of tasty transgressions by Tanaz Talebpour and Nataliya Binshteyn Sixteen of the 24 teachers arrested last week for improper conduct were released from Queens County Jail early Friday morning after having been convicted of eating in the classroom, a felony for teachers and students alike that is punishable by fines and/or time in prison. After spending eight days in jail, the newly freed teachers have returned to their jobs amidst the watchful glares of suspicious administrators who "have been watching us like hawks," said Assistant Principal of Mathematics Eileen Feelings, one of the released. Wi"th the exception of laboratory periods and lunch recitations, munching in class is an unspeakable offense that carries severe repercussions, depending upon the level of satisfaction with which the crime is committed. Consequently, chewing on a chocolate bar carries a lighterpenalty.than wolfing down a five-course meal. When questioned about the illegal eating incidents that·precipitated the arrests, chemistry teacher Adish Kalamari, a morning-hour offender, stated, "I was so ravenous at the onset of the day that I just couldn't wait until seventh band to satiate my hunger."
Apding an even more shocking twist to the sordid story of gluttony gone awry,
Dismayed sophomore Anita Toothbrush could barely contain her disapproval at
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Erik Scott
Mr. Kalamari 's third band class apprehended him as he hastily tried to consume a nutritionally lacking but sumptuous Hostess Twinkie treat.
Teachers take to . .. ...
the lack of composure displayed by a staff member who allowed his typically razor-sharp faculties to be impaired by a sugary delight, stating "His speech
hi~tecJ') t~ra~~"'
seemed to be slurred by all that Twinkie cream; plutonium sounded just like fruitonium !" The Science Department was not the only casualty of gastronomical offenses. English teacher Moody Leaner, a fellow eating convict, claimed that her sentence was too extreme as she eyed a conveniently plac~d Snickers bar in her bag. Ms. Leaner was confronted by the Foodstuffs Division of school authorities after taking a sip from her Poland Spring waterbottle, an act of ill repute that took no more than a millisecond. "All I did was drink some water. Is it a crime to quench my thirst?" she innocently asked while discarding a suspicious wrapper. The remaining eight teachers will remain incarcerated until further notice because of. the heightened severity of their crimes, including the covert consumption of a filet mignon steak, a baked potato with sour cream, and a Caesar salad during exam time. Offenders of such a dangerous nature are expected to return next year with complementary appetite suppressors and edible chalk to overcome their indomitable cravmgs.
against writing offenders
becoming a Xanga assignment, in which by Jocelyn Wright English teachers seem particularly . He said, "Although we often have class In the latest effort to reach out to students are required to keep a daily blog excited about the Xangas. "I see the discussions about history journals, students, Principal Thomas of their response to class discussions as Xangas as a much easier way to grade students can print out their entries and Cunningbacon organized a meeting well as giving information about themselves. students' journals. Now, instead oflugging bring ¢em to class if necessary. Requiring with teachers to discuss a new way to Also, when I was doing a little personal home boxes of journals, which is really that these journals be done on Xanga improve writing skills, which he feels in-vestigation of Xangas, I saw that each quite backbreaking and difficult, I can would limit the procrastination are "dropping below [our] excellent entry was labeled with the date and time find my students' Xangas online. It's just possitiilites. I'm sick of watching standards." In a few weeks, teachers the entry was created, making it easy for so mucheasier to grade things that way. students scribble nonsense into their will have yet another way to grade their teachers to see whether or not their I've already got a rubric for scoring and journals at the beginning of class so that students and Xangas are their newest students have completecrthese required formatting requirements. I have been they can pretend to have done their forewarned that most Xangas are homework." daily assignments." educational target. It seems that the greatest appeal of these Assistant Principal of Humanities impossible to read due to odd color and 'The inspiration came to me last year Xangas to teachers is the when I picked up a copy of The Classic Susan Fretting expressed date and time stamp. "I aland started reading about the similarfeelings. "Our students ways wonder just how weblogging community known as have been getting lazy. They 'We already have a restricted dress late students stay up doXanga. I thought to myself, 'Why not must remember that this is code, strict requirements on when ing homework. Xangas take advantage of this opportunity to Townsend Harris, where the will help me see that, we can .go to our lockers, tons of have students practice their writing impossible is expected. Part and perhaps judge if I skills in a constructive environment . of what makes the school so homework, far too many mandates for really am assigning too where they can get positive feedback special is the small size of essay writing, and now the teachers , much work," explained from their peers?"' said the principal in the student body, which concerned English an interview last Tuesday. "It's an allows students to form want to restrict what we can write teacher and Phoenix excellent way to reinforce the writing constructive relationships in our Xan!!as?' ad visor Bobby skills our students learn by practicing with teachers. I feel Babblewords when asked them in a relaxed, creative environment." Townsend Harris is Principal Cunningbacon continued to uniquely equipped to use this Xanga font choices. I advise my students in about Xangas. When informed of the possibility that explain a new assignment that would idea to help improve relations between advance that their Xangas must have perhaps take the place of the English students as well as relations between black text on white background, Times teachers might be reading and placing collateral in the first marking period. teachers. In addition to helping students New Roman font, size twelve lettering, formatting requirements on their "Reading what students write about to get to know each other, I can see and double-spaced sentence structure. Xangas, most students were outraged. themselves can really help a teacher to teachers keeping daily Xangas oflesson Just because these assignments are "We already have a restricted dress code, get to know his or her students in a way plans. All our teachers will be required to being done online does not mean they strict requirements on when we can go that is only possible in the small, unique attend a Xanga workshop on Monday after will be treated any differently," said to our lockers, tons of homework, far setting of Townsend Harris. Xangas are school, hosted by substitute teacher Porky Wham!Bam!Slam!Steak!Eer!, too many mandates for essay writing, and now the teachers want to ban what we also a great way to encourage unity Marc Insofferable, who is very familiar with English teacher. Don't think that Xangas are just for can write in our Xangas? This is within the student body. I can even see this new technology. Mr. Cunningbacon 'Xangaing' developing into an ongoing is looking into the possibility thatXanga English teachers either. History teacher ludicrous!" said junior Ivana Privacy. A student-organized rally protesting assignment over the winter and summer workshops and discussions could take Murk Cyborg has al~eady announced breaks. I envision the new freshman first the place of our mandatory weekly meet- that the journal assigment, introduced this recent Xanga invasion will take this year, would be much easier online. place online in the near future. marking period English collateral ings after school."