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I hope you die by my side The two of us at the exact same time I hope we die not long from now The two of us at the exact same time ─ Molly Nilsson
It was an ordinary summer day. Clouds wept. A blue filled heavenly sky. Melancholy stage of adolescence created the illusion. Two days until my birthday, another facade. Cluttered, floating plastic bags against a sea of lefts and rights created imagery in the horizon. Beautiful people, everyone of them with a spiritual belonging that never made sense. “Why do I always feel something is wrong with me?” “You think too much, you’re kidding yourself.” Her pale, cold, buttery skin complimented mine. Her hand, touched my shoulder, softly, willingly. “I'm getting old, where has life gone?” Delivering a cringing smirk, there was nothing left to say. “You have time to live, you know I hate it when you doubt yourself.” Waves, sky, and trash. All I’ve receivied. I felt as if when I am not using these natural recourses, I am simply nothing. “Anyways, time’s awasting.” Snapping me into place, was never a pleasant emotion. I like to live in a dream of negative thoughts. That way I sink everything in, I work better under those specific conditions. I have the mind to make an enlightened man go insane. “I’m a slippery individual, you are aware?” “I love you, you are disgusting.” There is never a difference between the two aspects. I resent love as coals turn blue with my heart. Fly on the wall, I want to kill all of them. Cleaning our environment, but cursed of nerves. She pulled me violently, so close, tight, with sincerity. Lips touched lips, elegantly, we met. Cemented minds, locked, stuck, morbid. She makes me feel love, she makes me a lover. Without that quick moment, I would be just another who lacks sanity. Eye to eye, her eyes so blue. Making me cold and nervous, satisfied, and inspired. I knew I wanted to inspire, with a doubtful mind. I wanted depression, lonesomeness, and denial to be the greatest aspects of my personality. “Loving you. And only you. Hurts.” Sweeping softly, I saw tears ripple down her face, slowly. Reaching her lips, life or death took ahold. My heart crying but my eyes dry as a prune. Watching a person die, is never easy. Neither is watching a heartbreak. It all made sense. “Do not dwell, I will take care of you.” “I don’t want you to take care of me.” I felt nostalgic. I felt dead. Pathetic. Feeling her look into my thoughts was frightening. “What happened to me? My friends? My life is a cluster.” “Life is always lonely, isn’t it?” Yes, it will always be unbearable, but the complex of eternity is something that should always toughen the human soul. I’ve felt, obsessed because of this concept of reality.
her head, softly rests in my lap. hums from the ceiling fan envelop the space. I take a moment to lean forward, delicately whisper in her ear. these silent times. our thoughts drift, moments void of audible communication —
she delicately touches my hand. when I sit with her, all memories stained black diminish. She slowly turns and says, "I love you."