HEMICEPTOR

Jensen Interceptors were GT cars hand-built in West Bromwich, England from 1966–76. The cars came from their factory with Chrysler 383 V8s with a choice of the A833 manual 4-speed or 3-speed TorqueFlite auto. Jensen upped the ponies from ’71–’76 by stuffing the 440 into their svelte 4-seater. The RB package came in either 4-Bbl or Six-Pack trim (of which only 232 were built).

The Jensen body was designed in Italy by Carrozzeria Touring. Powered by the 383, the Jensen could click off a 0-60 MPH time of 7.5 seconds and top out at 135 MPH. The car tipped the scales at 3500 lbs. Distinctive huge backlight serves as a hatchback. 17˝ Enkei wheels are shod with 235/55ZR17 Goodyear rubber. Drilled and slotted Wilwoods at each corner help keep things from going sideways.

Chrysler: “Get to the point. We are busy working on the 440 Six-Pack.”

Them: “We want Mopar big blocks…And floss.”

What resulted was a whole bunch of high-perf 383 motors sailing their way eastward. The outstanding problem with Jensen was the same problem with Britain’s health care, which was it just systemically sucked. Their “electrical systems” were designed by dyslectic starfish, and “rust prevention” meant enthusiastically spraying a bottle of Windex on the passenger mirror.

But let’s say you saw the car and never got over it. You love the grille, the body lines, the backlight, the whole Mopar motor thing. You have posters of it. It’s your phone lock screen. Maybe you even have a nice, framed picture of founders Alan and Richard Jensen next to your teakettle. Right, mate!

What to do? Easy. Get a miraculously-not-too-rusty Interceptor specimen, hoist it up in the air, and remove anything with a “Jensen” label on it, except for the sheetmetal and the glass.

And we DO mean everything. How everything? Like everything everything.

The Mopar motor was the best part of the original car, so it tells you something if that was the first part they dx’d. It’s outta here with a big splash into the Loch Ness, where that scary monster thing can go deal with it, at least if it knows about Carter four-barrels. Replaced with a fresh 6.1 3G Hemi, pro-built, with 11:1 Wiseco pistons, and a full blueprint job, this one runs a FAST 2.0 XFI system with a 92mm throttle body. An early dyno tune shows that it’s north of 475 horses and might have more. It’s all belted up with a March serpentine system.

How about the trans? Launched, gone to the Isle of Man, where nobody ever goes including the people who live there. The owner has saved a bloody fortune in disposal taxes. Now, it’s replaced with a Benz-based Chrysler NAG-1 unit, beefed up by Southern Hot Rods, good for 800 HP, with a high gear with a .83 overdrive and a trans cooler.

Original exhaust? Now swanning around someplace in the English Channel. Eels’ nest, you know. Meanwhile, new custom stainless extractors pick up the hot gasses from the mill and route it directly to prime minister Boris Johnson’s haircut.

Rear end? Yep, right straight into the Thames Estuary, along with a millennium of empire and denial, replaced with a complete Independent Rear Suspension.

Fuel system? Last seen bobbing around in the Atlantic shipping lanes like a floating mine. Replaced with a fuel cell and stainless braided everything.

Now, even if you favor backsides more than frontsides (hey, we are talking about modern Britain here), it does seem a waste to have done the stern without the bow, so in comes Art Morrison, with a full custom front end, as the original system ham-

Jensen was an upscale brand, and the updated interior displays all the creature comforts from its gray leather upholstery to an Ididit tilt wheel, A/C, power windows, power locks, remote door locks and rear hatch openers, and an AM/FM/CD stereo with USB and Bluetooth. Gauges are classic Jaeger with not-so-classic digital odo. 6.1 Hemi is pro-built by Bradford Balance and Machine and gets instructions from a FAST 2.0 XFI system, with a 92mm throttle body. Hemi hooks to a built NAG1 5-speed automatic.

mers in just outside Exeter with a resounding splash.

Brakes? Drums, shoes, and apportioning valves went blasting through the atmosphere, to go cause a brief panic in Bitchfield and Crotch Crescent, which, believe it or not, are real names of British towns. A good Kentucky rifle and Lexington, anyone? Anyway, now replaced with a drilled, slotted Wilwood system all the way around.

And the suspension? Need you ask? There’s a quiet little island just offshore called Gruinard, which is uninhabitable because the Brits pulled some home-made biological weapons tests there. To this day, you still can’t dock on the island. Presumably, the original suspension is resistant to anthrax.

How about the in-car electrics? Many Brit cars used a Lucas system, and Lucas is well known as the “Prince of Darkness.” Here, all that undersized, corroded and hairball-knotted wiring was launched crosschannel at Calais, in the accurate theory that the French won’t know any different.

Okay, so enough vitriol against Europeans. Well, almost enough. This car spent its life in the wonderfully warm and dry environment of Arizona. One guy bought it and started the process, but it got passed off to another guy at the shop where the work had been started. And, of course, he went flat out. We mean nine years and $160k worth of flat out.

What he came up with was, we hate to say it…simply magnificent. Every square centimeter of the entire car has been replaced, heattreated, nickel-plated, clear-coated, seam-welded, deck-honed, wetsanded, laser-measured, and carnauba-waxed, all at the same time. With the new modern suspension and lighter mill, it handles like no other Jensen. With the four-wheel discs, it stops like no other Jensen. With the built 6.1L Hemi, it accelerates like no other Jensen. And with the new electrical system, it actually runs, like no other Jensen.

So, the only thing remaining of the British car is the British body, right? Plot twist! In crowning irony, the British didn’t design the only thing that mattered: they farmed it out to the Italians at Carrozzeria Touring, who obviously have a sense of style. Italians are really good at making stuff that looks good, but doesn’t work, which includes the Andrea Doria, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Mona Lisa, and Sophia Loren. In summary, the way to keep a British car

The entire original front suspension has been replaced with an Art Morrison Engineering Sport IFS front clip that includes a Detroit Speed Engineering power rack. from sucking is to completely remove everything British about it and put in a good ’ol Hemi. Now, if only they’d employ that approach for the whole remainder of the United Kingdom! DISCLAMIER: To any offended European readers: We don’t call Longman the Instigator for no reason, mate.

Rear suspension is a Factory Five IRS setup with an 8.8˝ Ford diff spinning 3.55s. The rear coilover shocks are from Strange Engineering (purchased through Art Morrison Engineering) and as is the case with the front coilovers, are adjustable. An adjustable swaybar and Wilwood discs boost handling and braking power. MADE IN

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