Thoughtful Mom + Life Magazine Issue 004 (at peace)

ISSUE 004 AT PEACE.

THOUGHTFUL MOM + LIFE MAGAZINE with GUIDED MINDFULNESS JOURNALS for MOMS THOUGHTFULMOMLIFE COM

FRESHLY ROASTED, IN SMALL BATCHES. LORDANDLADY.CA

at peace in all the seasons.

By Nina Smith, Nemt

There is so much more to your menstrual cycle than reproduction and being aware of the phases of your cycle has many benefits!

MAKING MEMORIES WITH SIMPLE TRADITIONS

You get to be the one who is blazing a trail and creating space for memories to be made Using these tools and worksheets, you get to define how you will show up for your kids in these moments

ENJOYING THE MOMENTS IN THE MOMENT

EDITOR'S NOTE

Shauna shares her thoughts from behind the scenes and why this topic is close to her heart

As I sit down to write this, my 3 kids are on their way out to the grocery store with my husband to give me a little bit of peace and quiet. We've been sick for 2 weeks straight and my mind, body and everything is completely exhausted.

What does it mean to be in your heart? at peace

It always seems to happen. When I set the theme for the magazine or a topic for an event for Moms, everything in my universe fights me to level up to the occasion

The littlest is screaming because she can't find socks. My second born is asking to get a toy at the store. My firstborn is determined to keep a list in hand to get the groceries we need for a full fridge over the weekend. Yup, sounds like the correct traits for their birth order, that's for sure!

We are being called to level up to PEACE in our homes From who you ask? Who is begging for this peace? The deepest part of your future lineage calls back...it calls out to us in our present world and time, to be AT PEACE. Our children, our future grandchildren and beyond. They are calling for us to CREATE, KEEP and MAINTAIN peace in our homes. From the littlest heart of your youngest to the oldest, teenage mood swing begging for stability and calm Something they can count on with the everchanging, unstable, outside world around them.

There is a longing from the heart's of children to have PEACE in their homes. Security. And not just survival with food and shelter, but ending the trauma and the drama and creating atmospheres of love and tenderness

I took my kids to the library on Sunday afternoon It's peaceful there. But each time we go, I always feel so excited I am jumping from thing to thing wanting to make the experience amazing for them while we are there.

This time, I tried something new. Instead of being task focused and trying to help the kids pick out their books, I sat and read my own book I stayed in one spot I breathed deeply I calmed myself

at Peace Mantras

T O S T A R T T H E D A Y

I know what to do with what I have.

I am content

I am at peace.

I am building a solid foundation for my family

I am a loving Mom.

I provide a safe place for my kids

I am a safe place.

I know when to slow down.

I know how to provide for my family

I am a good Mom.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Sit. Still.

We face a very busy season at this time of year, and yet often forget to ENJOY the most important moments since we are the ones trying to make all the moments happen perfectly

...when I allow the negativity of circumstances and worry to overcome my thoughts... as a Mom, I have so much power to transform the atmosphere of my home in the BEST OF WAYS When Moms are healthy, it gives way for their families to be healthybody, soul and spirit.

So today, focus on bringing PEACE to the storms around you. Bring stability, bring calm, bring consistency. Be a place where your kids find a rock a support to lean on. And if you don't feel like you can do that? Ask, what needs to shift or change WITHIN you -- where do you need healing?

When I was done my chapter, I put my book away and went to one of the kids coloring tables. I sat. I colored. I didn't color half of the picture and run away to do something else. I finished it. I embraced the time we had at the library as if it was my own My kids are watching how I enjoy my time just as much as they are enjoying it themselves.

If I'm always about rushing from thing to thing and place to place task to task, no one is enjoying anything. I want to demonstrate to my kids how to finish a task. How to sit and enjoy doing something without rushing off to another thing. The only way they are going to see this is by watching me do it too.

This is mindfulness at work, which you'll read a lot about in the pages ahead.

Finding and living with PEACE is an inner work that starts in only one place: WITHIN ME. If I am in a constant struggle and war within myself the tension of not accomplishing goals and dreams, the trials of life - and I let them get to me instead of having faith that it REALLY will be ok in the end

It's OK that you need to heal! We all need to heal from past trauma and hurt. Despite what we ' ve been through, it is deciding today that peace will be a priority. Setting our intention that PEACE will rule in our hearts and homes is the very first step. It's like setting the course direction before you head on your trip

Perhaps you didn't grow up in a peaceful environment, but there is this deepest longing in your heart to create a new path for your own legacy and your children.

So, YES Mom! You can DO THIS! Forge a new way! Make a NEW path for your family! If you need therapy or counsel, seek it out Don't wait Your future legacy is counting on you doing your part of your healing!

Peace from within,

Note to self

You are amazing You are capable You are strong You are brave

Being a good mom doesn't mean being perfect; it means being real, being strong when you need to be, having fun with them even if they drive you crazy sometimes…It means loving them as much as yourself as unconditionally as possible.

Anonymous

BY RASHIDA THOMPSON

Mindfulness is a SimplePractice.

If you’re like most moms, you’re always on the go. You’re juggling work and home responsibilities, and it can be hard to find time for yourself.

Your brain is always running a mile a minute. You’re often thinking about the future for yourself and for your kids Mentally and emotionally you’re on the edge with no relief in sight

But did you know that there are many ways mindfulness can help?

Mindfulness has been shown to have many benefits for moms in all stages. For moms who are feeling overwhelmed and constantly stressed, mindfulness can be a lifesaver

WHAT IS MINDFULNESS?

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your thoughts and feelings in the present moment, on purpose. It can help you manage stress and anxiety, and improve your mental health In this article, I will discuss the specific benefits of mindfulness for moms and provide tips on how to incorporate it into your daily life

Reduce Stress & Improve Your Mood

Mindfulness can help you manage stress and anxiety, and improve your mental health. When the kids start to get on your last nerve, practicing mindfulness (such as simple breath awareness) can help to keep you grounded & in control.

When you start to feel stressed, consider focusing on your breath for just a couple of minutes. This will give your nervous system the opportunity to settle down from your body’s near constant state of fight or flight.

Be More Present

When you’re mindful, you’re able to focus on the present moment, instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past.

Yes, there may be some things in your past that could have been better. Yes, you do need to consider the future & how you can set a solid foundation.

However, dwelling on either one will cause you to miss out on the life & experiences you have right now…even though things are not ideal.

Mindfulness can help you be more engaged with your loved ones, and enjoy your time together more.

Make Better Decisions

Mindfulness can also help you make better decisions in life as obstacles arise Oftentimes when we encounter a demanding or stressful situation, we tend to react

And that reaction is rooted & driven by emotion That strong emotion ends up dictating our next action, which may not always be the best action for us in the given situation

When you’re able to focus on the present moment, you’re able to think more clearly and make decisions based on what’s happening right now, instead of being influenced by your emotions This can help you avoid making impulsive decisions that you may later regret

More Peace of Mind

At the end of the day, most of us are looking for peace of mind By committing to practicing mindfulness every day, you give yourself the ability to create peace no matter where you are or what is going on

Honoring whatever moment you are in is an opportunity to embody peace.

When you are in tune with your mind, body & spirit & when you use your breath & self-awareness to your advantage, you create a peace that surpasses any chaos or storm in your life.

When you are mindful, the combined effects of reduced stress, more peace, and better outcomes from better decisions can lead to more happiness in your life not only as a mom but as the woman within.

Because mindfulness is a way to become more aware of the moment (surroundings, feelings, sensations, etc), you can use it as a tool to assess your needs & what is working for you (or not).

This state of being & awareness improves your quality of life because you focus on the things in the now that contribute to your happiness. And you also become cognizant of what isn’t bringing you joy so that you can decide to release it from your life.

How to incorporate mindfulness into daily life

Take a few minutes each day to sit quietly and focus on your breath Notice the sensations in your body, and pay attention to your thoughts and emotions Accept your thoughts and emotions without judgment, and let them go Focus on the present moment, and let go of worries about the future or past Practice mindfulness in everyday activities, such as eating, walking, or talking to others.

Mindfulness is a simple but powerful tool for moms that can help you reduce stress, improve your mental health, and be more present with your loved ones.

There are also many apps that offer guided meditation practices (Insight Timer, Mindful Mamas). Just a few minutes of mindfulness each day can make a world of difference for overwhelmed, working moms. Give it a try and see for yourself!

Sheusesherexpertisein mindfulnessandemotional intelligencetohelpnewlysingle& separatedmomsstrugglingwiththe stressofco parentingconflicttofind calminthechaos.Rashidahelps Momscreatealifeofpeace& balance(despitedifficult transitions) AC sectionmama& co parentto1beautifulgirl,sheis alsoapostpartumdepression

day-to-day

What does being mindful mean for you?

What is one way you practice being mindful in your day-to-day life?

What time of day is most stressful for you? How could you incorporate a mindful moment to help ground you during this time of your day?

THOUGHTFULMOMLIFE.COM/MOMGROUPINVITE

Subscribe to join our group workshop for this page! Additional exercises and so much more when you join the group sessions!

We all have days that are simply overwhelming. Why? Adulting is hard as heck. That’s why it is so important to create mindful moments throughout your day to help keep you sane.

Trying to keep little humans alive & trying to keep yourself alive at the same time it’s a lot to handle, and a lot of us simply operate on autopilot

We are conditioned to practically hit the ground running each and every morning. We have a seemingly endless to do list of tasks, errands, school drop offs, school pickups, and the days just seem like they fly by. And not necessarily in the best way.

You want time to fly when you’re having fun not when you’re stressed

You’ve done a million things in your day, but it still feels like a blur. Like where did the whole day go?

You’re overwhelmed and then all of a sudden it’s the end of the day, and it’s time to start getting ready for bed and prepare yourself for the next day which more than likely will be another blur. Let’s be honest.

This is where creating mindful moments during your day can be a huge help in being more present and enjoying more of each day.

The more we live in our heads, the more we operate on autopilot & the less we actually get to live We don’t realize how much precious time we lose thinking about either the past or the future, or just rushing through our day that we don’t even get a chance to enjoy it.

create mindful moments

Does your day ever feel like a blur? Why or why not?

Have you ever struggled with being present in the moment?

When you start your day intentionally, you already have in your mind how your day is to go and you’re able to actively work towards making your day great.

Yes, unexpected events may come up but you’re better mentally & emotionally prepared to tackle whatever comes your way planned or unplanned.

When I wake up, I generally will sit or lie there, whichever I feel like in that moment and listen to a guided meditation on my Insight Timer app, (which is really amazing by the way)

This allows me to just get centered and grounded. Sometimes the meditation may have affirmations; sometimes it may just be some really healing high vibe music.

Sometimes it’s just a positive talk, but whatever it is that I decide to turn on, it gets me going in the best way possible so that when my feet finally do hit the ground running for the day, I feel refreshed

What intention will you set for your home today?

THOUGHTFULMOMLIFE.COM/MOMGROUPINVITE To read on, visit www.thoughtfullifehome.com to purchase your copy.

Avoid social media & email first thing Slow down your morning routine

This a bad habit for me. And I’m sure it is for a lot of you, too. Technology has become so integrated into our lives that we go to sleep with our phones in our hands or next to our pillows. We wake up with them next to the nightstand and it’s generally the first thing that we grab

We are addicted to the scroll!

So I challenge you to spend some quality time in the morning before accessing your emails, social media, etc. It’s really great for your mental space to warm up & have those beautiful moments to process your body, mind & your surroundings.

Detach and do not worry about what notifications you have going on or what’s on your calendar Take those moments to really rest and wake up to a beautiful day.

I encourage you to slow down your morning routine. What does that look like?

Get up when your alarm goes off the first time. Give yourself a chance to stop and smell the roses. Indulge your senses

For example, when you wake up and hop in the shower, really feel the warmth of the water on your body. When you’re brushing your teeth, check your fine self out in the mirror because you look good, okayyyyy?

How does your mug feel in between your hands as you sip your coffee or tea? How does the warmth feel as it slides down your throat?

These are little things that you can start thinking about in order to create more mindfulness and more ease. It also creates more space and time in your day.

create space

How can you be more present during your regular routines?

What is one sentence or "mantra" you can embrace so you can stay more present? Eg. One thing at a time.

This includes when you are in your car driving. I’m not saying to practice a whole meditation in your car because we definitely need to keep our eyes on the road.

What I am saying is that as you are driving, commuting, running your errands…indulge those senses. Take note of the road signs, the houses that you’re passing by, other cars… acknowledge your environment.

Once you start to do that, you start to see things that you actually have never noticed before It gives you a fresh take and perspective on your life And that’s always refreshing Mindful moments like these can help to reduce that sense of busyness and overwhelm

I hope that these ideas resonated with you, no matter how busy you are, no matter how overwhelmed you are. There’s always a way to create more mindfulness in your day.

The goal is to live & thrive We can take these small moments and use them to do just that. Feel free to DM me on Instagram @wellblackmom. Let me know what resonated with you. Let me know if there’s something that you’re going to try out in your own daily routine in the meantime!

create your future

What will help you be more present as you go about your day today?

Have you ever sat and played with your kids? How can being present in that moment help both you and your child connect?

The next time you sit and play, what energy are you bringing to that time with your child? Do you feel anxious like you want to run away and do something else? Do you feel overwhelmed? Are you able to sit in the moment with presence, not thinking about what's next? Try watching the way your child plays. Sit. Observe. Enjoy! They are wonderful teachers to us... they are present. They are playing. They are enjoying life.

THOUGHTFULMOMLIFE.COM/MOMGROUPINVITE

Subscribe to join our group workshop for this page! Additional exercises and so much more when you join the group sessions!

“

You are exactly the mother your child needs Knowing that will change your entire perspective.

Lauren Tingley

written by Dr. Michelle Durkin, ND

JUST SLEEP ON IT.

Have you ever heard the phrase “sleep on it”? I can think of many different times when I have tried to figure how to do something on my website or learn something new on social media. I could work on the problem for over an hour and not be able to figure it out. Eventually I would decide to step away and give myself a break from it. Then the next day I would go back, and bingo! I figured out the answer. The next day it all seemed so simple. People will also use this phrase when they have a difficult decision to make. “Sleeping on it” seems to give us the perspective we need to make the right decision.

Why is that? It’s because the human body has an innate built in intelligence. In the brain we have an area called the amygdala. It is the area of the brain responsible for the perception of emotions such as anger, fear, and sadness, as well as controlling aggression. The amygdala helps to store memories of events and emotions so that an individual may be able to recognize similar events in the future. You can also think of it as an integration centre or a super complex filing cabinet

If we have trouble staying or falling asleep, require medication to get any sleep, or just don’t get enough hours of sleep (because we are addicted to Netflix), there is less integration of our emotions and the events associated with them. We end up with a heightened emotional reaction. Everything ends up seeming worse than it actually is. Every event starts getting filed under Danger instead of Don’t Worry About It.

We will frequently recognize this in children. They are more whiny, irritable, or “emotional” when they haven’t had enough sleep. But why is it that we don’t recognize it in ourselves? There seems to be a destructive belief that a person who needs sleep is a person with a weakness.

In fact, in the business world, many professionals take pride in burning the midnight oil In the book Eat Move Sleep by Tom Rath he estimates that losing 4 hours of sleep is comparable to drinking a 6 pack of beer He says “I don’t want to be in a serious meeting with a person who drank six beers or lost four hours sleep I don’t want my child’s teacher to be that person I don’t want my doctor to be that person Still, we don’t view the two scenarios (beer drinking and not sleeping) as equal ”

So now you have a better understanding of why sleep is so important but you ' re wondering, how am I going to do it? I'm a busy mom and there are only so many hours in the day Here are some places you can start:

1. Do Less

Identify a couple of areas in your life that you are being a perfectionist and allocate some time you spend there to sleep instead Eg your floor doesn't have to be so clean you can eat off it

2. Ask for Help

The old saying is it takes a village to raise a child It is impossible to do everything yourself without suffering from burnout at some point Find one small place in your life you can ask for help to create more space for sleeping or napping :) 3. Get rid of screens one hour before bed

There is a misconception that TV or social media is "relaxing" because it can be mindless. The reality is that it is mind numbing and addictive. Short term it is satisfying but long term it creates a dependency and messes up your sleep/wake chemicals in the brain.

healthy habits

Where can you DO LESS (so you have room for more capacity in your life and more room for rest and sleep!)??

What’s one small thing you can release from your care? Ask for help and relieve the pressure of having to do it all!

What is the last thing you do before shutting your eyes for the night? What is a calming bedtime practice you could incorporate into your night routine that doesn’t include a screen?

THOUGHTFULMOMLIFE.COM/MOMGROUPINVITE

Subscribe to join our group workshop for this page! Additional exercises and so much more when you join the group sessions!

by Shauna Jenkins

PRE-KID MORNINGS

You wake up driven, ready for your work day. Visualizing that presentation you have to make to clients at 10am. Your morning routine consists of exercise, a nice warm shower (10 minutes or longer), a brilliant make up routine which you ' ve mastered from YouTube videos.

You pack your yoga pants for your after work class, your ipad and your notebook. You're off.

You stroll out the door to your next stop, Starbucks. You’ve hit mobile re order on your way so it's a quick pit stop to pick up your egg bites and Quad venti blonde Half sweet, non fat, no water, no foam; chai tea latte with cinnamon dolce topping

Airpods in, the book you ' re all about right now is magic. How to get your morning routine down to a perfected science for max productivity.

And you ' re mastering it. Mindsets, movement, the whole kit and kaboodle. You’ve got it.

You know what it takes to make a damn good presentation at 10am and your morning routine is all part of smashing it.

PREGNANCY

A few months go by, and now that you’ve mastered your morning routine, you’re onto the next new challenge. A new exercise routine and meal plan. Perfecting your bento box design each day.

Except, that one morning. You feel different. Your stomach is quick to wake you first. You head to the toilet and puke your guts out.

Pregnant? Huh? Already? I've got dreams to fulfill. I don't have time for life change right now.

That chai latte doesn't sit right this morning. You eat the egg bites only to puke them up when you get to the office.

Life has changed. In a matter of weeks, your body, your mind is blah, and that 4 shots of espresso has to go.

EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT IN MOTHERHOOD.

You wake up groggy, milk drenched shirt. Your baby is screaming. Your brain is like a fried egg. You didn't sleep at all.

There's no visualization or prep for your day here. It's all IN THE MOMENT SURVIVAL.

Forget the warm shower, all you can think of is coffee and more sleep.

But now you ' re Mom. Your baby needs you. Your responsibilities aren't getting yourself to your morning presentation on time heck no That would be easy

It's the messiness of breastfeeding and feeling humbled because for the first time in your life you feel like you ' re NOT getting it You're not doing it right And there's no one around to tell you how to do it

There's no science teacher here to show you how it's done No class for middle of the night motherhood Now you ' re on your own Alone

Your partner watches you struggle but goes about their day and heads out the door to work

Now you ' re left alone to fend for yourself with baby

Your vagina is in pain actually everything down there is painful You slowly ease out of bed to pee, and warm the tap water as quick as you can to fill your squeeze bottle so when you pee you ' re not screaming bloody murder

emotions of motherhood

What emotions did the dichotomy in this article bring up for you?

Where did you find parallels or differences to your own story? Subscribe

MENSTRUAL MOM

How to understand the phases of your menstrual cycle to make parenting easier

BY NINA SMITH CO FOUNDER, NEMT WWW NEMTLIFE COM

This changes slightly when we start trying to conceive, where we become masters of noticing every little sign of ovulation. But then, once we’re in the thick of the parenting trenches, attention to our body and all its hormonal fluctuations falls by the wayside as our priorities shift to the kids.

But, did you know there is so much more to your menstrual cycle than reproduction? And that being aware of the phases of your cycle has many more benefits than just boosting (or reducing) your chances of becoming pregnant?

FOR MANY OF US, WE DON’T GIVE MUCH THOUGHT TO OUR MENSTRUAL CYCLES APART FROM ONCE A MONTH WHEN OUR PERIOD ROLLS AROUND.

Understanding your hormones can be a parenting superpower

Understanding these changes, and then learning how to work with them is basically a parenting

superpower Knowing why you can be the super outgoing "fun mom" one week, and then feel a desperate need for personal space the next all comes down to understanding your menstrual cycle This is an act of kindness (to both you and your family), and is an incredible tool to help you parent with more grace and less guilt.

Menstruation Education 101

We are all different, but the menstrual cycle is approximately 21 to 35 days long, with 28 being the average It is comprised of four distinct phases

We recommend tracking your cycle so you can feel confident about knowing which phase you are in and when Nemt has a free, printable tracker which you can download here.

MENSTRUATION PHASE: A.K.A. “MOMMY’S TIRED” (APPROXIMATELY DAYS 1 5)

This is when your endometrium (uterus lining), which has built up over the last phase, breaks down and is released in the form of your period. Your hormones are at their lowest levels during this phase

What does that mean for me?

We are all different, but the menstrual cycle is approximately 21 to 35 days long, with 28 being the average. It is comprised of four distinct phases.

We recommend tracking your cycle so you can feel confident about knowing which phase you are in and when. Nemt has a free, printable tracker which you can download here.

Ideal mom activities:

Guilt free movie sessions (our favorite is anything Disney with some emotional upheaval so we can sneak in a cathartic cry think Frozen 2) Quiet craft activities that involve less parental supervision (no to slime, yes to coloring in) Reading time (bonus if you don't have to do the actual reading perhaps your eldest can read to your youngest, or download something engaging from Audible)

FOLLICULAR PHASE: A.K.A. FUN MOM

(APPROXIMATELY DAYS 6 13)

Levels of a hormone called Follicular Stimulating Hormone (FSH) increase, which sends messages to your ovaries to ready some eggs (that grow inside follicles, or small fluid filled cysts) for release. The follicles also release estrogen during this phase, which causes your endometrium to thicken again These higher estrogen levels can give you a general mood boost, and many report feeling more in tune with other people’s emotions during their follicular phase

What does that mean for me?

This is your time to shine! Mentally, this is when you’re likely to feel as though your brain is sharper and more “switched on”. You are stronger and more energetic. You feel your most outgoing and like you are better able to cope with the juggling act that is parenting. Did dinner spill all over the kitchen? No worries! Four different sports activities booked in on Saturday? Have at it!

WRITE IT DOWN

How does your menstruation phase (Day 1-5) affect your mood?

Describe your appetite during Day 1 5.

Ideal mom activities:

Now I know it's not realistic to schedule kids' birthday parties around your menstrual cycle, but if you have some flexibility over what to attend, this is the time to do it. You'll enjoy the social engagement, and the sound of 25 screaming children will be like music to the ears (well, not quite, but you get the picture).

Messy crafts! What kid doesn't love making a mess? Sometimes, we just can't handle it and that's okay. If you want to minimize your chance of being irked by glittery green slime running down the leg of your newly upholstered couch, now's your chance.

Get active! Kids love to move, and with your energy at an all time high during this phase, now is the time to grab the family bikes and get outdoors As a bonus, studies have shown that healthy levels of vitamin D (thanks, sun!) help maintain a regular cycle

How can you make the most of your follicular phase? Days 6 13!

OVULATION: A.K.A. CALL THE BABYSITTER

(APPROXIMATELY DAY 14)

The changing estrogen levels from the follicular phase have caused the levels of leutinizing hormone (LH) to rise, which in turn triggers one of your follicles to release a mature egg, which then makes its way to your fallopian tube and onwards to your uterus This is your body’s way of prepping for pregnancy if an egg has been fertilized

What does that mean for me?

Ovulation is another phase of hormonal bliss. Many women report feeling their most positive at this phase of the cycle due to the surge in LH. Also this is when you're feeling your sexiest and most confident. Your skin is glowing, your hair is bountiful. You are unstoppable.

Ideal mom activities:

Our relationships with our partners and friends often get less focus when we're in the throes of raising young children, but these relationships deserve attention. If you can, schedule something fun and adults only around ovulation This is when you'll have the biggest appetite for a hot date or a fun night out with your best girl friends Plus, the break from routine will leave your batteries recharged as you head into the luteal phase

Dance parties! What kid doesn't love to dance? Now's the time to put on Kidz Bob, crank up the volume and throw down your best moves Everyone will have a blast!

WRITE IT DOWN

Track and notice Day 14 this month. Did anything change for you?

If

LUTEAL PHASE: A.K.A. MOMMY NEEDS A TIMEOUT

(APPROXIMATELY DAYS 15 28)

The follicle that the released egg grew in continues to produce progesterone, and a bit of estrogen, which keeps the endometrium healthy and is necessary in supporting a healthy pregnancy. If there is no pregnancy, the follicle stops producing hormones, which causes the uterus lining to shed and so voila you have yourself another period!

What does that mean for me?

It’s been a bed of roses so far, but what goes up must come down and nowhere is this more evident than in your luteal phase when your hormone levels plummet This is when PMS symptoms kick in, including stress, anxiety and mood swings This is also usually when cravings start and sometimes that’s topped with a bout of constipation. Others report feeling more absent minded and tired around this time.

Your need for personal space often rockets at this time, which can be a challenge as a mom, particularly when the kids are young and feel they need to be touching you at all times. But understanding this, and allowing yourself the space to have some alone time, is an amazing thing you can do for yourself.

Ideal mom activities:

Share a warm bath and throw in generous handfuls of epsom salts, This is a double whammy activity: the magnesium in the bath salts helps to relieve any cramps you might have, plus it relaxes your children so they are more like to drift off to sleep quickly (cue more alone time).

Baking is also a great activity for this time. It involves little physical activity, and Grandma's best brownie recipe is the perfect antidote to those chocolate cravings. Plus, what children don't have a sweet tooth?

WRITE IT DOWN

As you are tracking your moods, what are you noticing in these days (Day 15-28)?

It seems like a long phase as we wait for our Day 1 cycle to arrive. Understanding your phases can help you plan your support systems in advance. What will you do this month to take care of yourself during this phase?

Notes:

How do your phases affect: your motivation?

How do your phases affect: your parenting?

PARENTING IS A

ROLLER COASTER

How do your phases affect: your significant relationships?

We are not the same person every day, and so we shouldn't expect to have the same energy and appetite for certain activities all the time.

If you have some flexibility over what activities you can do with your little ones and when, it can make life much easier if you take into account your menstrual cycle. Adjusting the expeditions you place on yourself and not trying to always go at 100% is a great act of self care and kindness, and something your whole family will benefit from.

How do your phases affect: your ability to follow through on commitments?

Nemt: effortless period wear that's easy on the planet. Nemt is launching a sustainable, patent pending period product in Spring '23.

Sign up to receive their emails at www.nemtlife.com, and don't forget to follow them on Instagram (@nemt life) to gain more useful insights, advice and laughs about all things menstrual.

THE MOM ROOM

Renee Reina wants you to join her in The Mom Room. It's where the academic-turned-content creator says what every mom is thinking but refuses to say out loud. The "mom-fluencer" spoke with Thoughtful Mom Magazine on attachment theory, why we need to stop comparing ourselves and how we can own our parenting choices.

WITH Renee Reina

n every bunch there's one And she's that one

The no guff, say it like it is, don't care attitude, "I'm fine in my own skin -- there's no way in hell I'll be letting your judgements impact that way I live my life "

That's Renee It's wonderfully refreshing to have a Mom friend like her in your corner After all, when we travel the parks and the playgroups, we often cower back from sharing it all -- the mushy details of our messy life -- for fear of being judged, misunderstood or tangled up in our unsure decisions of motherhood

She's not that Mom

And that's why it's called, The Mom Room If you ' re a subscriber to her weekly emails, she's known as The Mom Friend you ' ve always wished you had

Renee is the one who you tell your worst Mom poopy barfy story too and how awful you ' ve felt after the worst night's sleep -- and she says "I know It's crazy AF "

After having her son, she realized the #blessed mom accounts on social media had not prepared her for the experience of being a mom. Renee decided it was time for an honest voice to enter the mix and started her podcast, which now reaches millions with her core message of living life unapologetically as an imperfect mom.

Back in high school, Renee discovered Dr. Phil, when, at the time, he was a frequent guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show. There was nothing as raw and open in

mainstream media about mental health topics in that era and Renee was quickly enamored by the real-life ins and outs of what made people tick She went on to study psychology and never looked back

One of her first forays into psychology was on the topic of attachment theory Attachment theory is known as a psychological theory that focuses on the relationship between two people and specifically focuses on building a relationship during a child's early years for normal emotional development During graduate school, Renee was given the chance to partake in a two-week intensive study and became a trained coder She started interviewing people in hospitals and coding those interviews

"Nobody can say what is best practice because what's best practice for one person is not going to be best practice for another."

Renee Reina

Content Creator Renee Reina discusses being confident in yourself as a mom and understanding the "why" in every decision.

"It was like a boot camp that affected my own life and I started seeing my upbringing in a different light."

Many people think singular events can damage the attachment between them and their child, when in reality, Renee shares, "attachment is something that's built over thousands of interactions. "

"It's the day in and day out of your relationship. People will say, Oh, but I have twins and sometimes I can't pick them both up so one is left to cry. Am I damaging their attachment? That isn't how it works." Renee referenced a Mom Room podcast episode where she interviewed Dr. Tanya Cotler, and they talked all things attachment theory. Attachment

HOW I REMAIN CONFIDENT IN MY DECISIONS AS A PARENT

Understand the why in your parenting decisions.

Do not compare yourself to other moms.

Monitor your social media usage and realize most content is the highlight reel.

Q&A: Renee Reina

Q: Did you find motherhood difficult?

I still do. Every stage of your child's life is difficult for different reasons. As soon as whatever was difficult during the last stage starts to become easy, you’ll encounter a new set of challenges. When you get comfortable with daycare, and have your routine, now they’re in kindergarten with a whole new set of behavioral things. You’ll never be like, “This is comfortable and easygoing.”

Q: How do you remain confident in your decisions and make those choices that are right for you?

One of the best things I heard about this was from my interview with Jennifer Anderson, the founder of Kids Eat in Color Nobody can say what is best practice because what's best practice for one person is not going to be best practice for another.

Breastfeeding may be best practice for some people but maybe this mom gets crippling anxiety every time she has to go feed the baby. Her baby is having diarrhea and he’s a low birth weight with risk of jaundice. As soon as you start incorporating all these other factors, you can see it's not best practice for that family.

"You can't compare yourself to other moms. Everyone has a different situation."

work-thru-it

Which of your parenting decisions have been affected by comparing to those around you or on social media?

How do you come to conclusions on what is best practice for you and your family?

Find

Q.

I think it's harder because of the overthinking We know too much We’re bombarded with information We’re also bombarded with what other people are doing with their kids My mom never knew what everyone else was doing with their children. She did what she felt was right. There is so much pressure put on parents Everyone is constantly comparing themselves to what other people are doing. It’s information overload From the moment you get pregnant, it's nonstop

Q. What can we do to prevent that overthinking and comparing?

We talk about media literacy in regard to our children, but as adults we are just as affected by social media as our kids are The problem is we don’t have anyone policing our usage of social media We have to also understand that social media is a highlight reel

Most people aren’t posting about the difficult situations they've had with their child Instead, they're showing the cute birthday decorations they set up They aren’t showing the meltdown that happened at their birthday party

Q.

Be confident in your choices as a mom. It’s about understanding your why as parents and being confident in your choices. Now, when you go to your Mommy and Me playgroup and you ' re the only one busting out the formula while everyone else breastfeeds, you don’t feel bad. You’ve already gone through why you ' re using formula. Understand why this is the best choice in your specific situation.

Also, remain unaffected by what other people are doing It's like comparing apples and oranges You can’t compare kids to other kids You can't compare yourself to other moms Everyone has a different situation People have different partners Some are extremely supportive and involved Some are not Some have family living nearby Other people don't Some can afford a meal service with the highest grade of baby food and other people can’t There are so many differing variables between children and families that it makes no sense to compare

Renee Reina is the mom friend you’ve always wanted and The Mom Room is the podcast you've always needed! Follow The Mom Room on your favourite streaming platform.

What is your advice on how to handle all of this?

what’s best practice for you and don’t listen to what other people are saying is best practice.

If you do that, you’re going to be happier and your family is going to be happier. That in and of itself will have a huge effect on parenting your child.

How do you feel parenting today compares to the previous generation?

“

As adults, we are just as affected by social media as our kids are The problem is we don’t have anyone policing our usage of social media.

www.thoughtfullifehome.com

Renee Reina

work-thru-it

The next time you feel jealous or intimidated by someone else's highlight reels, how will you process your emotions in that moment?

What would you do today that would make you KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT, you are the BEST MOM EVER for your kids?

What would make you feel like the MOST CONFIDENT MOM you know you want to be?

THOUGHTFULMOMLIFE.COM/MOMGROUPINVITE

Subscribe to join our group workshop for this page! Additional exercises and so much more when you join the group sessions!

“

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously.

Walters

Noelle Martin is a Registered Dietitian, public speaker, entrepreneur, and online writer. Founder of Motherhood and Meals Inc. and Registered Dietitian Services and co founder of Nourished Beginnings. Noelle offers nutrition counseling, online courses, workplace wellness programs and more. She is passionate about health and wellness in her personal life and educating others on making healthy choices in their own.

MotherhoodAndMeals.com

Sweet Curry Lentil + Tomato Soup

what you'll need:

Ingredients 3 cups vegetable broth 3 cups water 2 cups dry red lentils 2 cups coconut milk 6 large tomatoes, diced

2

2

1 cup sliced mushrooms

1

3

Tbsp maple syrup

Tbsp sweet curry powder

Tbsp turmeric powder

tsp freshly ground black pepper

tsp garlic purée

Wash all produce and set aside Pour the broth, water, and lentils into a pot and bring to a boil on the stove top, then reduce to medium heat and cook for 10 15 additional minutes until the lentils have softened

Add in all other ingredients except for the coconut milk and let simmer on medium low heat for 45 60 minutes

Remove from heat, add the coconut milk, and blend in your food processor or high speed blender until smooth.

Pumpkin Seed +Date Bread

what you'll need:

Ingredients (for 1.5 lb loaf size)

3/4 cup water

1/3 cup unsweetened apple sauce

1/4 cup coconut sugar

2 Tbsp avocado oil or canola oil

3 5 cups MultiGrain Blend Bread Flour

2 tsp. bread machine yeast

1/2 cup chopped dates

1/2 cup pumpkin seeds Directions 1

Place all ingredients except pumpkin seeds into the bread maker in the order they are listed.

Before pouring the yeast in make a small hole in the centre of the flour and pour it into the hole Pour pumpkin seeds into the “mix in dispenser”

Choose the following settings: “sweet cycle” for bread type “1 5 pound” for loaf size, and “light” for crust colour Press “START”

When the bread maker is done, carefully remove the loaf and enjoy!

Slow Cooker Stuffing

what you'll need:

Ingredients

1 large sweet onion, peeled and diced

2 3 stalks of celery diced

6 8 mushroom, diced

2 garlic cloves, peeled and minced

1/4 cup avocado oil

1 large apple, diced

1/2 cup dried cranberries

6 cups Pumpkin Seed and Date Bread

6 cups whole wheat bread

1 tsp sage

1 tsp turmeric

1 tsp black pepper

2 cups low sodium Chicken or Vegetable Broth

2 eggs beaten Directions

Wash and dice produce, Sauté the onions, celery, mushrooms, garlic, and apples in the avocado oil on medium heat until tender About 8 10 minutes Toss bread in seasoning and the onion mixture Set aside

Combine the broth and eggs and then pour on top over top of the bread mixture

Add in the dried cranberries as you stir everything together

Transfer to your slow cooker Cover and cook on LOW for 4 6 hours, or until the internal temperature is 160 degrees

books

struggle care is self care.

How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis, will revolutionize the way you approach home care without endless to do lists. Presented in short, readable chapters, this compassionate guide will help you begin to get free of the shame and anxiety you feel over home care

"While the journey of pregnancy, postpartum & parenthood is unique for each individual, we are not alone in our experiences It takes a village It takes support It takes humor You got this mama " ~ Kelsey from EMM @exhaustedmillennialmama www.emmbykm.com

You Are a Badass at Making Money will launch you past the fears and stumbling blocks that have kept financial success beyond your reach

exhausted millennial mama

connection

conversation starters

Everything you need to create a fun and positive mealtime experience for the whole family! 135 open ended questions for the whole family with topics including Philanthropy, School, Self, World, Community, Friends, and Family Makes for great conversations!

mom self-help

featured podcasts

Struggle Care with KC Davis, author of Keeping House while Drowning is a podcast about self care by a host that hates the term self care

Talk Mom Emotions is a podcast with Shauna Jenkins (editor in chief of Thoughtful Mom Mag!) helping Moms discover their root emotions to PROCESS trauma and pain in healthy ways

JILL CHURCHILL

Choose the style you like and make memories by opening the item for that day...maybe you use the ' cozy couch' time (pg84) for your advent calendar!

How to Create

advent countdown

Hang it up Grab little fabric bags or simple gift bags and hang them for each day of advent Drop some chocolates with meaningful notes inside or perhaps one sentence of a story for each day!

Style 2 Style 4

Every night, your kids get to add an item and decorate a smaller tree with one more "piece of the puzzle"

Take it outdoors and create a scavenger hunt! Each day, add an item to the advent calendar that the kids need to find outdoors Add the items to a basket where they can see the entire collection at the end of the 25 days

Little envelopes make for exciting packages! Put notes inside for a holiday theme song of the day! Play name that tune if they can't read the words of the song

Celebrate to make a moment last.

it doesn't have to be perfect. embrace imperfections + do simple things to celebrate.

Introduce the next season with a celebration!

Celebrating doesn't have to be over the top. Mini celebrations like an after school surprise hot chocolate party to mark the first day of December Or 5 more sleeps until Christmas pj party It could be holiday movie nights for a week and each one of your kids takes turns choosing their favorite movie!

Simple goes a long way

Grab a gingerbread house kit or a cookie decorating kit and let your kids have fun with it while you ' re arranging dinner Even if they get thrown out after like in my house the gingerbread house never made it to fruition! They still had fun creating and decorating... and eating!

Check out your city or town's calendar for local events If there is a light display, they might even have hot chocolate and an opening ceremony to participate in as a family

Cozy Couch Time

Head to your local library with the kids or alone to pick up some holiday themed books Set them where they are easily accessible in your cozy couch living area

Make a point of snuggling up on the couch each night at the same time with the kids. The glowing lights (and perhaps a candle if it's safe!), create or find a holiday playlist and set the ambiance! Pull out the holiday themed books and make memories by just being together!

Take your kids shopping the only rule? They get to pick ONE ornament for the tree Do this every year and theyll have a collection over the years that means something to them + you!

Eye Spy 12 Days of Christmas

Put one activity in every gift bag each morning over the holidays (Christmas Eve and beyond), the kids pull out the note that you ' ve written the activity on and read it aloud each morning. It could even be as simple as going to get Hot Chocolate that day Kids don't need elaborate Anticipation is the BEST for making memories last all day!

Holiday playlist family karaoke

Pick a playlist you always turn on when you want to sing and dance for the holidays with your kids The kids will get to know when tat song comes on, it's time for fun with Mom!

Wrapping doesn't need to be over the top fancy It can be simple with natured greens to top it off!

Did you ever have a friend drop off a box (you can find them at the dollar store!) of homemade cookies and baked items for the holidays? It's SO simple and getting your kids involved in dropping something off to another family or friends is an amazing way to encourage giving back! Your kids will feel great knowing they participated in dropping off a special gift for others to enjoy!

make it your own

WRITE IT DOWN

What family traditions did you have growing up during holiday times? Circle the ones you want to carry on in your own family nucleus.

How could repeating the same traditions have a positive memory making affect on your kids year after year?

What new traditions have you tried/want to try/want to keep?

Is there anything you don't enjoy about creating or keeping traditions?

How does it make you feel knowing you are creating memories for your kids that they will cherish for the rest of their lives?

How can you create traditions that work for you, now that you're the parent in charge?

THOUGHTFULMOMLIFE.COM/MOMGROUPINVITE

Subscribe to join our group workshop for this page! Additional exercises and so much more when you join the group sessions!

UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS

BY KAREN BANTING

I feel a lot of pressure to release my thoughts in writing; to release a perfect piece that encapsulates how madly I love my baby girl, and how wild and transformative the last five months with her have been Needless to say, with the weight of all that hinging upon my first piece as a mom, I may never write again So I’m going to keep this one super short and simple, and just say what’s in my heart in this moment

I cried today with the weight of it all With the almost unbearable joy I feel exploding in my chest as I watch Ava beam at her reflection in the mirror, the surprise and delight writ large on her tiny features as she begins to recognize herself there. And the grief that follows, when for a second it hits me that no matter how much love and affirmation I shine upon her every day of her existence, the mirror will eventually become a complicated and even painful place for her, like it is for me and every other woman that I know. She will not always delight in finding herself reflected in the mirror’s glass, and that loss of innocence will be agony for me to witness.

And her cheeks Oh she has the softest, squishiest, most delicious cheeks I could ever imagine I didn’t even know that cheeks like this existed, and I don’t know how I lived so long without them I kiss her about a million and a half times every day, and I know I will never get enough of these cheeks But one day they will be gone She’ll grow up and thin out and won’t want me mauling her all the time anymore And I’ll have to live without these cheeks again, except this time I’ll know exactly what I’m missing

She was doing the cutest thing for a while every time I changed her She was so jazzed on life she would be windmilling her arms wildly, beating them against her bare stomach like a drum and stomping her little feet while beaming and squealing with delight at me. Or she’d lift her little hips up in a baby bridge and wiggle this way and that, making it impossible to get a diaper on her while she did “the drums”, as I took to calling it, with her arms. It was all way cuter than it sounds.

I took a video of her doing this a few weeks ago, so I could have it always But then I deleted the video because, well, she was fully naked, and digital privacy concerns and pervs on the internet are real things, and I felt conflicted about keeping that video on my phone So I vowed to get another one of her doing the drums, but this time with a diaper on Then just like that, the drums are finished She’s discovered her feet, so now when I put her on the change table, she immediately grabs her toes and rolls around in a happy baby pose instead, aiming her left big toe straight for her mouth It’s equally adorable and equally difficult to try to get a diaper on her, but the beloved drums are gone forever, and I feel literally heartbroken that I’ll never get to experience that particular display of her unselfconscious joy ever again.

It’s an argument for presence, if there ever was one. To be here, right now, with her, just as she is. To take it all in and really be here, not mentally lost in either the past or the future, or distracted by my phone or whatever else. But it also points to a truth about motherhood that I sensed on a gut level long before deciding to have kids, a truth that almost kept me from ever doing this in the first place

I remember asking myself once, in a meditative state, why exactly it was that I was so resistant to starting a family The answer that came then, from somewhere deep within me, was “I want to be whole” I wanted to be safe and self contained, to keep my heart tucked firmly within my own chest, rather than have it running around out in the world, in the body of a child, forever vulnerable to forces outside my control

I felt that craving for wholeness, for safety, in the very same place in my chest that now feels full to bursting each time I hear my daughter laugh, or when she beams wildly at me when I get her up in the morning. It’s the same place that aches, literally feels like it’s been hollowed out, in those moments I feel I’ve failed her, like when she’s crying and I don’t know how to make it better.

This is your space to write.

© Thoughtful Life Company 2022.

For permission to reproduce any article in this issue, visit www.thoughtfullifehome.com