My Kids Are My First Team

By Alicia Russo-Murrell, M.ED., RAARoyal High School, Royal ISD Assistant Athletic Coordinator/Head Softball Coach/Asst. Volleyball Coach

I grew up as a coach’s kid. I could truly appreciate being a coach’s kid although, looking back now, I took it for granted. At no time during my childhood did I feel like my father put me or my younger brother second to coaching because we were always with him, on the field, at the court, wherever he had to be to get the job done. I could tell that he was a parent first and a coach second. It wasn’t until getting a few years under my belt as a coach and having children of my own that I truly understood that what my dad did for me, and the role model he was, was even deeper than I initially thought. He taught me that you don’t have to be an “invisible” parent, where you are expected to act like you don’t have a family to be an effective coach. Through watching him, having kids of my own, and coaching for 32 years now, I have found peace with being a parent, a wife, a teacher, and a coach. My kids are unapologetically my first team.

For starters, I have the typical coach’s kid story. My dad was coaching long before I was born. My mom tells me how, when I was an infant, she had me in the stands at my dad’s baseball games screaming at the top of my lungs when the crowd cheered. As soon as I could walk, I was with my dad all the time at the field. I loved watching him do his thing. My dad exuded palatable authority on the field. He was responsible and dedicated, and his teams loved him. I remember vividly waiting around impatiently for my dad to finish his after-game talks with his assistant coaches. While he was strategizing away in the dugout, I was poking ant beds with sticks and digging in the recently dumped field dirt. We would be the last ones to leave, hitting the lights on the way out. In addition to observing my dad be a field general, watching my dad secure all of the locks gave me the feeling that he was the boss. That simple act felt so important to me, like the buck stops with him. I knew that my dad could be counted on.

Sometimes, during summer baseball, we would end up at the pizza place with the rest of the coaches and their families. The coaches would continue to strategize over adult beverages, and we kids would play “Red Rover” (this was the late 80s) in the parking lot. No matter the situation, my dad had us right there with him, and my brother and I always felt included.

Wherever Coach Russo had to be, he was going to have his kids with him. He was very visibly a parent!

Now that I have my kids, I have been purposeful in including them in my coaching. My husband and I had kids late; I was 42 when I had my first son. Right away, I realized I was not aware of the insanely hard part of balancing a career with having a newborn. I thought that six weeks after having my son I could pop back into the first of my three sports; volleyball practice started in early August. I had my newborn in his carrier in the stands with a volleyball manager while the whistles blew. I also had two of my coworkers and most of the parents on the team eagerly offer to rock my son during practices or games. I thought with a great support system that I could continue to do what I do with minimal changes. My son thought otherwise. If he wasn’t stuck on mommy, he was a hot mess. I knew I needed help to continue to coach effectively. My husband and I worked out schedules with my mom, my stepdad, my dad, and my step-mom which allowed me to keep coaching while they watched my son. I went from coaching volleyball, basketball, and softball to just volleyball and softball. It was still stressful, but I was determined to keep doing what I loved and to include my son when he got older. That was still the plan when his little brother showed up three years later. By that time, I had a routine with my parents and husband, which allowed me to bring my older son to games. By the time he was walking, he was shagging balls and feeding tees. He was the coach’s kid!

Now my boys are seven and five and are the typical coach’s kids. They are at all the games and practices unless my husband picks them up for a boys’ night. They have little replica jerseys of what my softball team wears. They can be found in the press box eating their dinner, and they know how to rake the field after the game. My amazing assistant coaches have been known to tie a shoelace, wipe a nose, or put a band-aid on a boo-boo. My softball players and volleyball players will eagerly rock one of my boys to sleep or share her cell phone with him on the bus. My boys know who will “sponsor” them at the concession stand and who needs a hug after a tough game. I can be a better coach knowing that my “village” is helping me. I don’t hide the fact that I’m a parent, but I also don’t farm out my responsibilities. The buck stops with me. My kids are always with me because I want them there, not because I don’t have other options. I love having them be a part of something special. I love that they get to see Mama work.

Recently, I was asked this question during an athletic administration interview…”Who are you, Coach Russo? What makes you, you?” My immediate answer was that I am a mom. I went on to elaborate that not only do I take care of my own children, I am a mom as a person. I have a servant mindset. I do for others. I love to see others succeed. I love to set people up for their very best. I love working behind the scenes to see my players shine. I spoke from the heart, and I stood by my answer. I didn’t get the position at that time because I lacked the necessary credentials. I did get hired for the position a year later, after completing my credentials; and I took the opportunity to ask the interviewer (my new boss) about my answer a year ago. Even though I knew it wasn’t the reason I didn’t get the job at the time, I honestly wanted to know, was my answer about being a mother something I should have kept to myself? He told me because my answer showed him where my priorities were. He knew that when it came down to job duties, my family would always come first, and he respected that. He said that if I didn’t put my real passion first and foremost then I would be setting myself up for failure in a new position that may force me to compromise my priorities. I agreed. Why would I even want a job that didn’t let me be the real me? Everyone knows that wherever Coach Russo-Murrell has to be, her kids will be with her. My kids are my first team, no matter what, and I wouldn’t change that fact for anything.

All in all, what does that mean for me as a coach? Knowing that my kids are my first team, I strongly believe, makes me an even better coach. I have been to numerous conferences with coaches expressing regret that they didn’t spend as much time with their own kids. I’m not going to live in regret. However, I do want to speak directly to the parents and caregivers of my volleyball and softball daughters; I make these promises to you: I promise to teach your child the games of volleyball and softball, alongside teaching her the game of life. I promise to work to develop your child into a complete human without sacrificing her health or well-being. I promise to keep my expectations high for your child, as well as myself. I promise to put your child’s needs in perspective while looking out for the good of the entire team and program. I promise to respect your house and your time. I promise to work alongside you and not against you. I promise to love your child like she was my own.

At the end of the day, I’m a mom first and a coach second. I embrace this fact without any shame or apology. While there are events I must decline, I never doubt my decisions. One day, as my 7-year-old played in the recently delivered field dirt and my 5-year-old explored an ant bed with a stick, the younger one told me, “Mama, I want to be a coach!” When I asked why, he said, “Because Mama, you’re the boss.” You are right, Bud. I’m the boss. You can count on me. Let’s go to work!

Read the entire October 2024 Issue of Texas Coach here: https://issuu.com/thscacoaches/docs/oct24upload?fr=xKAE9_zU1NQ