Jokers Wild

Lil’ Joey was once again sitting outside the school Principal’s office when the Guidance Counselor walked by and asked “What’d you do this time?” Lil’ Joey politely replied “That pain in the neck Alek with a ‘k’ was dissin’ on the whole class’ Momma’s so I told him the truth and he threw his shoe at me and it hit the Teacher, Miss Larson. “And that truth was?” asked the Counselor. Lil Joey says, “That everyone knows that this whole world wide virus was faked just to make sure that his Momma wore a mask from here on out.” -------------------------------------------------------------- Just so we’re clear.....It’s no longer 5 o’clock Somewhere. It’s 2020 Everywhere, so drink at will Whenever you want, Anytime you want! -------------------------------------------------------------- If you get a high loan amount at a bank, you pay on it for 30 years. If you rob a bank and stash the money smartly, you’ll be out in 10 years. Things that make you go hmmm? -------------------------------------------------------------- So apparently there’s a new term in the long list of relationship terms: “Hobosexual” A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay. -------------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever wondered if the dollar bills in your purse or wallet were ever in a strippers butt crack? Things that make you go hmmm? -------------------------------------------------------------- Lil’ Joey kills a butterfly; Dad says, “No butter for two weeks!” Lil’ Joey kills a honeybee. Dad says, “No honey for two weeks!” Mom kills a cockroach. Lil’ Joey turns to his Dad and says, “Are you gonna’ tell her or should I?” -------------------------------------------------------------- Little Susie tells her Mom, “Grandma said, in her day, she did 3 times the work you do today.” Mom replies, “In Grandma’s day they used to put cocaine in the soda.” -------------------------------------------------------------- Next time your wife gets really, really angry, drape a towel over her shoulders like a cape and say, “now you’re Super Angry!” Maybe she’ll laugh. Maybe she’ll kick you in the nads. It’s all a crap shoot.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who just spilled her guts into an 8 paragraph text and your reply is, “ok”. --------------------------------------------------------------- When you drive past a yard with a cool skeleton Halloween decoration, but then you realize that it’s actually a live crackhead. Things that make you go hmmm? --------------------------------------------------------------- Guy: It’s not about how many times you fall, it’s all about how many times you get back up. Cop: No, that’s not how field sobriety tests work. --------------------------------------------------------------- A Teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read: “And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, “Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?” The Teacher paused, then asked the class: “So what do you think the man said?” Lil’ Joey jumped up and yelled to the class, “I betcha’ he said, Well I’ll be a son of a bitch! A damn talking pig!” The Teacher had to leave the classroom because she was snickering. --------------------------------------------------------------- Two stoners are sitting on a bench and one had just purchased a “zip” of some truly good weed from the other, when the one says, “I have so many of these laying around my crib, discovered yesterday by accident that they’re really good for putting leftovers and sandwiches in. Who knew?” --------------------------------------------------------------- Two chicks and a biker dude named ‘Caveman’ were shootin’ the chit in the local bar and the one chick asks, “what’s a nice way to say fart?” The other chick says, “O.k., I’ll start. I always say far-tay cause it sounds kinda’ like a French word and classy. The one chick says “Well, you could say “Who let fluffy off the chain?, that’d be cute.” ‘Caveman’ looks at both of them and says, ‘Nah, can’t use that one. That’s what I ask my ole’ lady when she jumps on top of me naked and wantin’ to get kinky.” --------------------------------------------------------------- Never, and I mean never, use peppermint body wash. Your butthole will feel like it smoked a Newport.