Jokers Wild

‘Knuckle’, an avid Harley man, finally proposed to his long-time girlfriend, even though she wasn’t so much into bikes. One evening after their honeymoon, he was working on his bike when his bride walked into his bike garage, stood there watching Knuckle as he worked in his happy place. His bride said, “Sweetie, I was thinking now that we’re married you could sell your bike and we could open up some small business together.” Knuckle almost fell over his bike. His wife said, “Oh honey, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” Knuckle said, “Wow, for a split second there you sounded just like my ex-wife!” She replied, “What? I didn’t know you were married before.” Knuckle gave her his coldest stare, “I wasn’t.” -------------------------------------------------------------A young woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says “Oh gosh, that’s probably the strangest looking baby I’ve ever seen!”. The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. The ole’ biker across the aisle from her sees that she’s obviously upset and says, “What’s wrong little Momma?” The young woman replies, “The driver just insulted me!”. The ole’ biker quickly says, “Well you just march up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.” -------------------------------------------------------------Lil’ Joey is talking to his older brother, who he overheard talking to his friends, so he asked, “What’s the difference between a Callgirl, a Girlfriend and a Wife?” His older brother laughs and replies, “Prepaid, Postpaid and Unlimited.” Not really satisfied with his brother’s answer, he goes and asks his Dad, “What’s the difference between a Callgirl, a Girlfriend and a Wife?”. His Dad sadly replies, “Prepaid, Postpaid and Service Not Available.” -------------------------------------------------------------Earl and Vern were long time buddies and often went to the local watering hole. They’re kicked back enjoying a cold brew and playing pool when this young gun asks Vern if Earl is really as bad as everyone at the bar says? Vern leans back, asks for another beer, and says, “Let me just tell you this for sure. Vern is willing to play nice with you in the sandbox. However, if you throw sand at him, he will definitely bury your ass like a cat turd, real quick!” One blonde telling another a joke. 1st blonde - “there’s two blondes, like us, and they walk into a building.” The other blonde quickly says; “Wow! really? You’d think one of us would have seen it!” --------------------------------------------------------------My boss came into work and was raging about the cashier at WallyWorld and how she “didn’t have a clue and was a royal bitch”. I’m now on a 3 day unpaid leave because I asked, “Oh, did you use the self-checkout again?” --------------------------------------------------------------My 4 Moods: 1. I Need Coffee 2. I Need A Snack 3. I Need A Beach Vacation 4. I Need Duct Tape, Rope & A Shovel I see a pattern here if my first 3 Needs are not met. --------------------------------------------------------------Bubba went to the local Junior College cause’ his wife said he needed help with putting everything off all the time. He got to the right room and a sign was posted. Procrastination Workshop 101 6 pm Today He got pissed off and went back home and grabbed a beer. His wife asked what was up? Bubba told her “on the sign for Workshop it said, 6pm Today but it had a line drawn thru it and underneath it read.... Postponed --------------------------------------------------------------A young woman was in a bar and a good looking guy two barstools down said, “It’s almost closing time but if you come home with me I’ll give you the most powerful orgasm of your life.” Now she’s majorly buzzed but very intrigued as well so she says, “what the hell, let’s do this.” Afterwards, lying in bed she asks him “What happened to that powerful orgasm you were going to give me” He calmly replied, “I did!!, it’s not my fault you spit it out!” ------------------------------------------------------------Ma and Pa calling it a night and shuffle on back to the bedroom. Ma is feeling frisky and lets Pa know this. Ma walks up and sits on the bed and sees Pa on his knees praying, and asks in a soft voice, “Pa, what are you praying for?” Pa replies, “Just praying for some Guidance” Ma doesn’t miss a beat, “Pray for Stiffness dear, I’ll guide it myself.”