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APRIL FOOLS
by Janet Spencer This week we’ll be celebrating April Fools Day. Come along with Tidbits as we play some pranks!
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For Distribution E-mail: russ@tidbitpapers.com or Call (319) 360-3936 Make the perfect morning snack for April 1st! Buy some plain donuts. Then coat them in baking powder. Leave them out for your victim. They will look just like powdered-sugar donuts, but taste terrible!
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THE ORIGIN OF APRIL FOOLS
• No one is really sure how April Fools Day came about. The traditional explanation is that it started in 1582 when Pope Gregory XIII ordered that the Gregorian calendar replace the old Julian calendar, which moved the first day of the new year to January 1st instead of April 1st. Those who still celebrated the new year on April 1st were ridiculed as fools. The problem with this explanation is that April Fools Day was already being celebrated when the calendars were switched over. • Joseph Boskin, a professor of history at Boston University, explained that April Fools began during the reign of Constantine, when a group of court jesters told the Roman emperor that they could run the empire better than he could. Constantine allowed a jester to be king for one day. The jester passed an edict calling for absurdity on that day, and the custom became an annual event. The Associated Press ran this story in many newspapers in 1983. There was only one catch: Boskin made the whole thing up. It took a couple of weeks for the AP to realize that they’d been victims of an April Fools joke themselves. (Turn page for more foolery)
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APRIL FOOLERY
If your non-profit organization has a fund-raising event you would like to have published in the Tidbits® paper, please contact us. Space is limited but we will make every effort to list special events such as fund-raisers for your organization. Use our online form at www.tidbitpapers.com Hope Lutheran Church Easter Egg Hunt April 5th, 2015, 10:30 am - 11:30 am 2736 Bowling St SW, Cedar Rapids Easter Egg Hunt! (for children) Buffalo United Methodist Church Pancake Breakfast & Bake Sale Saturday, April 11th, 2015, 7:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. 1000 30th Street N.E., Cedar Rapids Pancakes, Eggs, Sausage, Coffee, Juice, Milk The breakfast is FREE, Donations accepted to benefit the Linn Community Food Bank and Helping Hands Ministry RADA Cutlery available for sale Come and enjoy! Hope to see you there!
Q: Why did the rubber Historical chicken cross the road? Alburnett Society Pancake Breakfast A: It wanted to stretch its legs! Saturday, April 11th, 2015, 7 am to Noon Come join us at The Old Rockwood Store. A free will offering will give you french toast, pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage, orange juice, coffee or milk. The proceeds will help fund refurbishing ceiling, lighting, etc., in the "Dry Goods Room" CR Noon Lions Chili And Soup Supper April 11th, 2015, 4:30-7:00 Noelridge Christian Church 7111 C Ave NE, Cedar Rapids, IA Soup Supper Bake Sale. 1. WhyChili did And the chicken cross With the playground? Funds Localcross Kid Sight Program And 2. Why didSupport the chicken the road half way? Aid Local Hearing And Sight Impaired. Wallace Winkie Foundation and Herring Hotel Building Alliance present: Swellest Little Tea on the Lincoln Highway April 12th, 2015, 2 p.m. with doors open at 1:30 1523 Sunset Dr. Belle Plaine, Iowa A tea will be held at the First Lutheran Church Family Center at 2:00, with doors opening at 1:30 for a photo exhibit of the hotel’s history. Various speakers and performers at the tea include Dr. Richard Thomas, and Mr. Ron Prescott. Great door prizes and a dessert auction are two more reasons to attend. The purpose of the tea is to raise funds and Prankster Brian Hughes oncecauses. took a kit awareness for the two
of burglar tools and half a dozen empty Asbury and Methodist Church picture frames left them lying on Rummage Sale,Bake Sale,Lunch
the steps of theApril Metropolitan Thursday 16th, 8 AM- Museum 5 PM
17th,when 8 AM the - 11:30 of Art.Friday PanicApril ensued museum 350 27th Ave S W, Cedar Rapids, IA
Lunch Served Thursdaythe from 11 day. am to 1 pm opened for business next $5.00 Lunch is: Sandwich, Dessert, Drink Friday April 17th, 8 AM - 11:30 Bag Day
Central City United Church of Christ Women's Fellowship Guest Day and Brunch Saturday, April 18th, 10:00 a.m. Corner of 5th and Main Streets, Central City Come and hear author Beth Peterson of Lisbon (Life After Lightening And Destination Heaven And My Journey Back To Life) tell of being struck by lightening not once, but twice and how it changed her life. Ladies and gentlemen are welcome and IT IS ALL FREE! Reservations are accepted until April 14th...319/438-1136., 360-9585 or ucchrist@iowatelecom.net
3/29/1886 John Pemberton brews first batch of Coca Cola 3/30/1842 Ether first used as anesthesia Animal Welfare Foundation of Iowa 3/31/1889 Eiffel opened 1st Annual AllTower Thingsfirst Paws-ible Fundraiser 4/1/1826 Samuel Morey combusApril 18th, 2015,patents 9 am - 2internal pm tion engine Lawrence Community Center 4/2/1513 Ponce de Leon first sights what is now 600 E Main St, Anamosa IA Florida 35+ vendors and crafters with Express silent auction 4/3/1869 First successful Pony run and bake sale. Proceeds to benefit 4/4/1850 Los Angeles incorporated as a city
Animal Welfare Foundation of Iowa
• Robert Benchley, an American humorist, invited his friend Frank Case to dinner at his house. Frank was the manager of the Algonquin Hotel at the time. When he was shown to the bathroom, Frank was dismayed to see that all the towels, as well as the soap, came from his hotel. At dinner, the silverware, plates, and napkins also bore the stamp of the Algonquin. Benchley had secretly arranged to “borrow” a truck load of Algonquin property for the evening. • James Thurber’s mother was a practical joker. One day she was to meet an old friend that she hadn’t seen in thirty years. By prearrangement, Mrs. Thurber was to wear a red rose so her friend could recognize her at the train station. Mrs. Thurber arrived early, and spotted a very old woman sleeping on a bench. She quietly pinned the rose on the slumbering form and enjoyed the scene when her friend showed up, looked at the sleeping woman incredulously, and woke her up saying, “Why, Mame Thurber, how are you? You’re looking just fine!” 1. How many psychiatrists does it take to • Author Kathleen change a light bulb? Norris once saw in a2. store window that does her itfriend How many bureaucrats take to Frank screw in a light bulb? Sullivan was coming up behind her. She 3. How many Vulcans does it and take cried to change a whirled about suddenly at the light bulb? top of her lungs, “Not one penny more! You 4. How many firefighters does it take to and your family change a light bulb?have had all the money you’ll ever get out of me! You’ve 5. How many stock brokers does it takebled to me white!” crowd change a A light bulb? started to gather. Her voice grew louder. “You’ve spent it all on drink rather than on your sick wife! I’ve given you everything I have— and still you hound me for more!” Sullivan fled. • At the Walt Disney studios, one artist boasted without ceasing about his new custom-built car and insisted everyone us be for it. the fools. Butwhile for themhe come“Let out to thankful admire Later, the rest of us could not succeed. “ -Mark was working, his cohorts dismantled a Twain wheelbarrow and reassembled it in his back seat, then filled it with water. It took the guy two hours just to dip the water out without wetting his fine upholstery. (continued next page) Racehorse Man o’ War 3/29/1917 Vincent VanGogh 3/30/1853 Rene Descartes 3/31/1596 Susan Boyle 4/1/1961 Charlemagne 4/2/742A.D. Washington Irving 4/3/1783 Grumpy Cat 4/4/2012
American Cancer Society 2015 Linn Gala: "Give Cancer the Boot" April 18th, 2015, 5pm-11pm DoubleTree at Hilton 350 1st Avenue NE, Cedar Rapids Each spring, over 450 members of our local business community support and attend this important black tie If event. all used oil inGala thewill U.S. were Thismotor year’s Linn feature an exciting evening of entertainment, fine dining, live andofsilent recycled, it would result in a saving auction items, and more …all for a great cause—the 1.3 against millioncancer. barrels of oil per day. Used fight Please consider “Giving Cancer the be Boot,” by supporting great event. oil can re-refined intothis good-as-new
lubricating oil. Oil never wears out; it just gets dirty. Used oil can be reprocessed Of Linn into fuel oil, which contains aboutCounty 140,000 BTUs of energy and can be burned efficiently.
Helping Hand
TOOLS 4 LIFE BY DR. JIM COYLE
The Perfect Day
Have you ever wondered what a perfect day looks like? Think about it, 24 hours to make a difference in your life and in the life of others. Scriptures teach us to live one day at a time. What does that look like? We have 3 functions of our being; Heart, Hands, and Head. When we roll independently with 1 or 2 of these functions, our day is full of pot(ty) holes. When all 3 work and stay together we will have the perfect day. There is a glue that binds all three together and that is the Word of God. Once all three of the H’s are in line with heavenly mortar - the Word of God- there is divine direction with Kingdom purpose. God’s Word teaches us how to live a holy daily life and how to be a fruitful witness to others under the rising and setting of the SON. “So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Teach them to your children when you’re sitting in your home and when you are on the road, and when you go to bed, and when you are getting up. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 11 So if you want a perfect day, start with your HHH under the authority of the Word. Stay connected in your home, car, job, and back home again. Mark your turf, rest, and do it all over tomorrow.
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"Like you, there are other people who enjoy reading Tidbits, just imagine how placing an ad about your business will gain visibility by so many!" The maple syrup’s full of ants. / A mouse is creeping on the shelf. / Is that a spider on your back? / I ate the whole pie by myself. / TheContact kitchen sink just overflowed. / A flash us for Ave. SW Wilson flood washed away the school. / I threw your Veterans benefits blanket in the trash. / I never lie…April Fool! Community Services Bldg. -Myra thCohn Livingston
Linn County Veterans Affairs
1240 26 Ave. Court SW Cedar Rapids,IA 52404
veteran@linncounty.org (319)892-5160 26th Ave. Ct. X www.linncounty.org
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UNHITCHCORNWILLS
Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road? A: It wanted to stretch its legs!
This word means: The first and last name of the person who said, “The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
HAIR LOSS? WE CAN HELP! 1. It245 takes only one psychiatrist, but the bulbSW has gotSuite to really A Classic Car Ct. WANT to change. Cedar Rapids, IA 52404 2. It takes two bureaucrats to change a lightbulb: One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the into did the water faucet. cross the playground? 1.bulb Why the319-364-4220 chicken
3. “It requires the effort of approximately 1.0000000000000 ADVANCEDHAIRTECHNOLOGIES.NET 2.Vulcans Why todid the chicken cross the road half way? change a lightbulb.” -Spock 4. It takes four firefighters to change a present: lightbulb: one to change the We Proudly bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof. 5. It takes two stock brokers to change a lightbulb: One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it’s already burned out).
Prankster Brian Hughes once took a kit of burglar tools and half a dozen empty
2nd Quarter 2015 Week 14 the steps of the Metropolitan Museum picture frames and left them lying on
of Art. Panic ensued when the museum opened for business the next day. Answers on page 16
1. cha 2. in 3. ligh 4. cha 5. cha
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JOLLY JOKES (cont'd)
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Veterans welcome at the Iowa Veterans Welcome Center Food Pantry. In the Veterans Memorial Bldg. at 2nd Ave. Bridge. Tue. & Thur. 9-12 Wed. 1-4 Sat. 10-12 Food donations and gently used clothing accepted.
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• Newspaper humorist John Medbury and his wife liked to throw extraordinary dinner parties. At one, half of the invitations said the dinner was to be very formal, and half said dress was to be informal. Half the guests showed up wearing tuxes and gowns and the other half arrived wearing t-shirts and shorts. • Ben Franklin once entered an inn and found every seat next to the fire already occupied. He asked the innkeeper if he had any oysters, and the reply was yes. “Take a bucket of them out to the stable and feed them to my horse,” Franklin said. Everyone seated at the fire went out to see a horse eat oysters. When they came back in to say the horse refused to eat oysters, they found Ben seated at the prime position next to the flames. “Then bring the oysters in here and roast them for my supper!” he said. • Sportswriter Bill Hanna was walking down the street when he ran into fellow reporter Bill Phelon. Hanna remarked on how nice it was to run into his old friend, but mentioned he was looking ill. They parted company. Hanna walked a half a block farther when Phelon again approached him with surprise, saying how long it had been since they’d seen each other and how ill Hanna was looking. “But I just ran into you a moment ago,” cried Hanna. “Impossible!” replied Phelon and wandered off. A block further, here came Phelon, rushing to Hanna to pump his hand and mention how ill he was looking. “Please tell me you just saw me a few minutes ago!” hollered Hanna, which of course was denied by Phelon. Hanna hailed a taxi and took himself to the hospital. • On April Fools’ Day shortly before Mt. St. Helens erupted, a Massachusetts TV producer thought it would be funny to air the report that a local non-volcanic ski mountain was also erupting. Police were swamped with calls. The station apologized for the prank and the producer was fired. (More pranks next page)
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- Please give thanks to the businesses in which you have found this paper available for your enjoyment.-
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Another Perfect Prank: College students irritated with Dean William Bush Baer at New York University submitted his obituary to the New York Times and it was run on April 1, 1942. Baer arrived at work the next day to find the flags at half-staff and the choir singing dirges in the chapel. A retraction was in the paper the following day.
• A newspaper called “The Realist” once printed a prominently placed correction in its paper reading, “Our thanks to Jean Raymond for pointing out an error in last month’s issue in the article on ways to differentiate between mushrooms and toadstools. The two headings unfortunately got transposed. The heading ‘Edible Mushrooms’ should have read ‘Poisonous Toadstools’ and the heading ‘Poisonous Toadstools’ should have read ‘Edible Mushrooms.’ We apologize to our readers for any confusion this may have caused.” • A new plaque was to be unveiled at City Hall in St. George, British Columbia. Photographer Peter Duffy was to cover the event, which bored him. To liven things up, he snuck to the scene early and taped a large poster of a nude over the veiled plaque. When it was unveiled, the crowd was stunned, the mayor was apoplectic, and the photographer was fired. • When it comes to college pranks, Caltech holds all honors. One night students went into the faculty parking lot and painted over all the parking stripes as well as the names designating ownership of each space. Then they repainted them, making each space just a little larger, carefully arranged to totally erase the private parking space of an unpopular administrator. • When Caltech freshman Chuck Conner left for a weekend, his dorm mates plastered over the door to his room and even moved a light fixture to the blank wall. When he returned and asked his friends what happened to his room, they all pretended not to recognize him.
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2015
* On April 12, 1633, the inquisition of physicist and astronomer Galileo Galilei begins. Galileo was ordered to turn himself in for holding the belief that the Earth revolves around the Sun. At the trial, he was sentenced to three years in 3rd Quarter 2012 prison and ordered to recite once a week WeekPenitential 34 the Seven Psalms.
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August 19 -25 * On April 10, 1866, the American SocietyPage for the 8 Prevention of Cruelty to Animals is founded in New York City by philanthropist Henry Bergh, who pleaded on behalf of abused workhorses. By the time Bergh died in 1888, 37 states had passed anti-cruelty laws.
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* On April 6, 1896, the Olympic Games are reborn in Athens 1,500 years after being banned by Roman Emperor Theodosius I. A crowd of 60,000 spectators welcomed athletes from 13 nations to the international competition. * On April 8, 1935, Congress votes to approve the Works Progress Administration, a central part of President Franklin Roosevelt’s “New Deal,” an expansion 1. of How psychiatrists doesas it take to themany federal government an instruchange a light bulb? ment of employment opportunity and 2. welfare. How many bureaucrats does it take to than screw The WPA employed more in 8.5 a light bulb?people on 1.4 million public million before it was in 1943. 3. projects How many Vulcans doesdisbanded it take to change a light bulb? On April 9, 1959, National 4. *How many firefighters does it the take to Aeronautics and Space Administration change a light bulb? introduces America’s 5. (NASA) How many stock brokers does it take to first astronauts: Scott Carpenter, L. Gordon change a light bulb? Cooper Jr., John H. Glenn Jr., Virgil “Gus” Grissom, Walter Schirra Jr., Alan Shepard Jr. and Donald Slayton. The seven men were selected to take part in Project Mercury in 1961. * On April 11, 1961, Bob Dylan plays his first major gig in New York City, opening for bluesman John Lee Hooker at Gerde’s Folk too young “LetCity. us be Dylan thankfulwas for the fools. But to for obtain them the necessary union card and cabaret the rest of us could not succeed. “ -Mark license needed to appear on a regular bill Twain at Gerde’s. One of the club owners, Mike Porco, signed as Dylan’s guardian. * On April 7, 1970, the legendary actor John Wayne wins his first -- and only -- acting Academy Award, for his performance in “True Grit.” Wayne appeared in some 150 movies over the course of his long and storied Racehorse Man o’ Warcareer. 3/29/1917 (c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.
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1. It takes only one psychiatrist, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change. 2. It takes two bureaucrats to change a lightbulb: One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet. 3. “It requires the effort of approximately 1.0000000000000 Vulcans to change a lightbulb.” -Spock 4. It takes four firefighters to change a lightbulb: one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof. 5. It& takes two stock brokers to change a lightbulb: One to take SELF SERVICE EAST EAST DROP OFF out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it Blairs Ferry Road crashes (knowing that it’s already burned out).
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* Quinoa is becoming really popular as a grain alternative. It’s very small and requires rinsing before cooking to remove potentially bitter residue. Here’s a great trick to rinse your quinoa without losing half of it to the holes in your colander: Use a French press coffeemaker. The fine mesh and pouring spout make rinsing a breeze. Ð JoAnn
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3/29/1886 John Pemberton brews first batch of Coca Cola 3/30/1842 Ether first used as anesthesia 3/31/1889 Eiffel Tower first opened 4/1/1826 Samuel Morey patents internal combustion engine 4/2/1513 Ponce de Leon first sights what is now Florida 4/3/1869 First successful Pony Express run 4/4/1850 Los Angeles incorporated as a city A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
If all used motor oil in the U.S. were recycled, it would result in a saving of 1.3 million barrels of oil per day. Used oil can be re-refined into good-as-new lubricating oil. Oil never wears out; it just gets dirty. Used oil can be reprocessed into fuel oil, which contains about 140,000 BTUs of energy and can be burned efficiently.
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* Keep your crisper drawer clean by lining with fresh newspaper. It will absorb smells and liquid, and can be easily replaced. * “Candle nubs, that little bit left when the candle has burned down all the way, can be removed from a candleholder by setting the whole thing in the freezer for 10-15 minutes. The wax surface hardens and shrinks, making it easier to chip out. The same goes for linens that have wax drips: freeze and chip away, then use a degreasing spot cleaner.” -- Y.G. in Arkansas * Easily thread a needle with hairspray. Spritz the end of the thread with a little high-hold hairspray and pull taut. It will be much easier to thread.
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* To halve a lot of cherry tomatoes, try sandwiching them between two plastic lids. Press down lightly and slice through the opening to make short work of them.
* Fun for kids: 1. Theget-together chicken crossedproject the playground to getHave to everyone doodle on a large posterboard. the other slide. At the end of the night, trace a puzzle 2. The chicken crossed half way because pattern and cut it the up,road making a large floorshe puzzle. You can bring it out at the wanted to lay it on the line. next play date. The smaller the children, the larger the pieces! -- A.L. in Florida Send your tips to Now Here’s a Tip, c/o King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 328536475 or e-mail JoAnn at heresatip@yahoo.com. (c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.
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"Like you, other people enjoy reading Tidbits. Just imagine how A guy named Horton McNeill worked in a factory that produced plastic. One day he took his sports coat to work and had the pockets lined with a thin, pliable placing about plastic. Then he went to the local soda fountain and ordered a chocolate soda. As the soda jerk gave him his change, McNeill said, an “I thinkad I’ll drink it at your business will gain home” and poured it into his pocket, calmly walking out of the store. visibility by so many!" Answers on page 16
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March 31st, 2015
Hawkeye Publishing, L.L.C.
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www.tidbitpapers.com For Advertising E-mail: russ@tidbitpapers.com or Call (319) 360-3936 NOTEWORTHY INVENTIONS
SOREN SORENSEN ADAMS
• Soren Sorenson Adams was born in Denmark in 1879. When he was four years old, his family came to America and settled in New Jersey, where he went by the name of Sam Adams. In 1904, Adams got a job working for a company that produced dyes.
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• It was well known among the employees that a certain deep blue dye would cause uncontrollable sneezing when inhaled, and this was the source of much consternation for the owners of the company, and much amusement for the employees. Adams figured out how to extract the sneeze-inducing derivative from the dye, called dianisidine. When he tested the powder out by blowing it into the faces of a marching band during a parade, it disrupted their performance. He distributed small vials of the powder to his friends, and the demand was so large that he quit his job and went into business marketing his sneezing powder, which he called “Cachoo.” • In his first year, he sold 150,000 bottles of Cachoo. But when demand tapered off, Adams turned his attention to other tricks, gadgets, and gags. • Perhaps his greatest invention was the joy buzzer. This tiny mechanical device emits a loud vibrating buzz when two people shake hands, startling the unsuspecting victim. Adams traveled all the way to Dresden, Germany, to find a tool and die maker who designed parts small enough so that the buzzer could easily fit in the palm of a hand. The instant success of the joy buzzer allowed Adams to build a factory and hire a staff.
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Arabian Proverb For April Fool's Day: A fool may be known by six things: anger without cause; speech without profit; change without progress; inquiry without object; putting trust in a stranger; and mistaking foes for friends.
• From there, it was onward and upward as he invented tricks, jokes, and pranks: the squirting flower, the dribble glass, the fakefly-in-an-ice-cube, the snake in a nut can, itching powder, and the stink bomb.
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• Adams was a clever inventor and a shrewd businessman, which allowed his company to thrive, even during the Great Depression. He became known as the father of the novelty prank. His products, wrapped in colorful cartoonish packaging, were available in fiveand-dime department stores nationwide, and were sold from ads in the back of comic books. He expanded into simple pocket-sized magic tricks, including the ball-and-vase, the magic coin box, and the three shell game. Trick decks of cards were a popular item. • In 1930, a Toronto rubber company offered Adams the rights to something they had invented: the Razz Cushion, now known as the Whoopie Cushion. Adams turned it down, deeming it “too vulgar” but quickly saw his error when it earned over $50,000 the first year it was on the market. He devised his own version of the gag and added it to his line-up. • Another of his more successful inventions was the exploding cigar. Exploding cigars became a slapstick comedy staple employed by everyone from Groucho Marx, to the Looney Tunes animated characters, to the Joker in the Batman comics. • Sam Adams claimed to have devised over 600 different items, and patented about 40 of them, making him the definitive king of professional pranksters. His original sneezing powder was eventually outlawed over health concerns. Sam Adams actively managed his company right up to his death in 1963 at the age 84. • The company he founded, now under new management, still sells many of Adams’ inventions, as well as items such as fake vomit, plastic dog poop, and gum that turns your teeth black. • Sam Adams would be proud to know that, just like snowflakes, no two pieces of fake vomit are the same.
APRIL FOOL'S DAY JOKES • Plastic-wrap the toilet seat. Better: Bubble wrap under the toilet seat, so when they sit, they are surprised by a loud POP! • Glue magnets to the bottom of an empty coffee cup, then attach it to the top of your car. See how many people try to get your attention as you drive by. • Replace sugar with salt. • Glue the eggs in the egg carton. • Replace Oreo cream filling with toothpaste and serve then to family and friends. • Put food coloring in the hand soap dispenser. • When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, Yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!" HAVE A FUN FILLED DAY!
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copyworks is seeking Full-time CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE/ DELIVERY DRIVER for their Cedar Rapids location Our employees possess excellent communication skills, are well organized, and able to work in a fast paced environment We offer Health, Dental, and Life Insurance, 401 (K), Vacation and more Please stop in for an application or send resume to: Copyworks 4837 1st Ave SE Cedar Rapids, IA 52402 or sbishop@copyworks.com
General cleaner needed in West Branch. Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours each day. Flexible, may work anytime between 8:00a-5:30p. Pay rate $10.00/hr. with a $100 sign on bonus after 90 days. Applications can be filled out at the local Iowa Workforce Center or you can visit, www. f b g s e r v i c e s .com, print out an application and mail to 238 1/2 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52402. Pre-employment background check and drug screen required.
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Janitorial Supervisor FBG Service Corporation is seeking a full-time 2nd shift janitorial supervisor for one of our locations in Williamsburg, IA. You will be reporting to the Area Manager. This position is 2nd shift Monday - Friday. Pay rate is $15.00/hr. FBG is an employee owned company and offers a competitive wage and benefit package, including Employee Stock Ownership Program, 401k, paid vacation, paid holidays, and a great working environment with opportunities for growth. Qualified applicants will have: Experience supervising people in retail, restaurant, or service industry Experience achieving results through others, motivating and coaching employees to deliver the kind of top notch service our customer’s expect Must pass a pre-employment background check and drug screen
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Cedar Rapids Locations 1530 1st Ave. NE 5200 Edgewood Rd. NE 610 33rd Ave. SW 2615 Williams Blvd. SW 5725 Dry Creek Ln. NE 8905 Runway Ct. SW Marion Locations 100 6th Ave. 5493 U.S. 151 Bus. Anamosa Location 160 Chamber Dr.
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To apply: Please send you resume to FBG Service Corporation, 238 1/2 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52402. You can also visit our website, www. fbgservices.com to print out an application and mail to the address above. You may also apply at the local Iowa Workforce Center or in person. ***$250 Sign on Bonus*** Cleaning Specialist We are taking applications for multiple Part-time Cleaning Specialist positions for Cedar Rapids/Iowa City/North Liberty area. Hours will be 2nd shift Monday-Friday with a starting wage of $9.50. Applicant must be hard working and have reliable transportation. Paid training and professional uniforms provided. ***$100 Sign on Bonus!*** Applicants must be able to pass a pre-employment background check and drug screen. Please apply in person at 238 ½ Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52402. You may also visit www.fbgservices.com to fill out an application.
Housekeeping Position Open PT/FT At Crestview Acres, we need people like you to continue to offer excellent customer service to our residents. If you have good attention to detail, love to clean and want to make a difference in someone else's life, then come on down. We look forward to meeting you. Please apply in person at 1485 Grand Ave, Marion Iowa or send resumes to ckann@qhcmcares.com. 1-319-377-4823 Benefits provided are: Competitive Salary, PTO, Dental, Vision, Health, Life, AFLAC & 401K. HELP WANTED
Part Time work available. Apply in person at Maid Rite West 621 1st Ave. SW, Cedar Raids.
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NOW HIRING WELDERS. Come work for a growing Minnesota company. Benefits and competitive pay. Go to www.felling.com, click on employment link and email the link. Felling Trailers (MCN) CLASS A CDL Regional Driver. Good home time. Great pay and benefits. Matching 401K. Bonuses and tax free money. No touch freight. Experience needed. Call Scott 507-437-9905. Apply online www.mcfgtl.com (MCN) FBG Service Corporation is looking for a general cleaner for our Cedar Rapids locations. Hours are 2nd shift MondayFriday. Pay rate $9.50/hr. with a $100 sign on bonus after 90 days. Please submit your application to careers@ fbgservices.com or call 1-800250-4813 for questions. Applications can be filled out at the local Iowa Workforce Center or you can visit, www. f b g s e r v i c e s .com, print out an application and mail to 238 1/2 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52402. Pre-employment background check and drug screen required.
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2nd Shift & 3rd Shift & weekend package option At Crestview Acres, we need people like you to continue to offer excellent care. We are looking for professional nurse aides dedicated to delivering quality care to our long term care residents. We are currently accepting applications for all shifts. We offer you a competitive wage, great benefit package and a wonderful staff of caregivers to work with plus much more! Benefits provided are: Competitive Salary, PTO, Dental, Vision, Health, Life, AFLAC & 401K. Please apply in person at: 1485 Grand Ave, Marion Iowa or send resumes to hfairchild@qhcmcares.com 319-377-4823 Kerry Is Now Accepting Applications Due to Continued Growth. Kerry provides the foresight and technology to help develop products that DELIGHT and NOURISH consumers across the globe and is seeking Production Employees for direct hire at their Fredericksburg, IA location. Positions require lifting up to 55 lbs. and working in a fast paced environment. Starting pay is $12.50/hour with shift differential opportunity. Incremental pay increases after successful completion of 90 day probationary period to $13.50/hour. Kerry offers a full benefit package including: BCBS Health Insurance, 401K, Dental and Vision Insurance, Paid Vacation, Life Insurance, Paid Holidays and Many More. COMMITMENT, TEAMWORK, EXCELLENCE, ENTREPRENEURIAL, VALUE CREATION. Stop by the Kerry Office to complete an application, which includes education & employment history at 341 S. Jefferson Ave., Fredericksburg, IA 50630. EOE (MCN) ANTIQUES
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Veterans welcome at the Iowa Veterans Welcome Center Food Pantry. In the Veterans Memorial Bldg. at 2nd Ave. Bridge. Tue. & Thur. 9-12 Wed. 1-4 Sat. 10-12 Food donations and gently used clothing accepted. FOR SALE Dark cherry formal dining table with six chairs and china hutch. Also 2 couches, 2 burgundy recliner chairs and a full size pool table. Make best offer. 319-396-4226. TRAILER SALE: 6’x12’ v-nose ramp $2,750.00 or $87.00 a month; Dump trailers 14’ 14,000# $161.00 a month; 10’ 10,000# $119.00 a month; Car hauler 20’ $73.00 a month; 140 trailers in-stock. CLOSE-OUT on HI-DECK GOOSENECK 24k trailers! 515-972-4554 www. FortDodgeTrailerWorld.com (MCN)
March 31st, 2015
Hawkeye Publishing, L.L.C.
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COINS / JEWELRY
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POTENTIALLY YOURS Discover hidden treasures at low prices at Potentially Yours thrift store of Iowa City. We carry clothing, housewares, furniture, collectibles and much more. Tax receipts for donations are provided. Shopping at our store helps provide support to adults with disabilities.
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Hawkeye Publishing L.L.C. considers it’s advertisers reliable and verifies as much data as possible. Consequently, readers using this information do so at their own risk. It is suggested that the investors contact the appropriate consumer agency before sending payment. Although persons & companies mentioned herein are believed to be reputable, neither Tidbits® of Linn county publication, Hawkeye Publishing L.L.C., The Nations Online Listings nor any of it’s employees accept any responsibility whatsoever for their actions. For more information about credit scams and advanced fee loans write: FTS Washington, DC 20580
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2. It takes two bureaucrats to change a lightbulb: One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet. 3. “It requires the effort of approximately 1.0000000000000 Vulcans to change a lightbulb.” -Spock 4. It takes four firefighters to change a lightbulb: one to change the bulbwin and three cut a holeand in the candle roof. First ten people to call Russ Friday April 3rd a t toshirt 319-360-3936 5. It takes two stock brokers to change a lightbulb: One to take L.L.C. www.tidbitpapers.com For Advertising E-mail: russ@tidbitpapers.com out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it’s already burned out).
of Art. Panic ensued when the museum opened for business the next day. Page 10
Hawkeye Publishing,
Susan Boyle 4/1/1961 Charlemagne 4/2/742A.D. Washington Irving 4/3/1783 Grumpy Cat 4/4/2012
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The Amana Colonies are located 5 miles north of Interstate 80 on Iowa Highways 151, 6 and 220. The Colonies are 20 miles southwest of Cedar Rapids, and 17 miles west of Iowa City.
46th Avenue
na
Ama ← to Middle
44th Avenue
R To Cedar
Hwy 151 / 42nd Avenue
38th Avenue
apids →
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220th Trail
48th
nue Ave
47 5 If all used motor oil in4the U.S. were th Av 3/29/1886 John Pemberton brews first batch of en recycled, it would result in a saving of ue Coca Cola 2nd Quarter 2015 Amana Businesses 1.3 million barrels of oil per day. Used 3/30/1842 Ether first used as anesthesia So much to see, shop, eat, and enjoy 3/31/1889 Eiffel Tower first opened Week 14 in Amana. Shop internal locallycombusincludes theoil can be re-refined into good-as-new Amana Business Directory 4/1/1826 Samuel Morey patents tion engine Amana’s and all they have to offer! lubricating oil. Oil never wears out; it just 1 Little Red Wagon See this page 4/2/1513 Ponce de Leon first sights what is now 4417 220th Trail 319-622-3822 gets dirty. Used oil can be reprocessed Florida General Store See this page 5 2 Amana www.amanageneralstore.com into fuel oil, which contains about 4/3/1869 First successful Pony Express run 4423 220th Trail 319-622-7650 4/4/1850 Los Angeles incorporated as a city 140,000 BTUs of energy3andAmana can be Coffee & Tea Co. See this page 4423 220th Trail 622-6598 We have a wide variety of burned efficiently. 4 The Ronneburg Restaurant
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Home Instead Senior Care Proudly Presents:
Beware of Senior Scams
By: Karen Huber
Seniors are under attack in the United States from criminals – domestic and foreign – Scrapbooking Supplies, who devise something new every day in an Tractors, Barn Quilts, attempt to steal their treasure, whether its 5 Collectables & much more! money, their IDs or property, crime prevention officials say. 4536 220th Trail • Amana, IA 52203 According to the National Association of (319) 622-6447 • (800) 840-2387 Triads, the top scams involving seniors are: w w w. l e h m b o o k s a n d g i f t s . c o m 1. The chicken3crossed the playground to get to 1. Fake Charities 2 1 There is one where you get a call from a the other slide. charity saying they are supporting a reputable 2. The chicken crossed the road half way because organization and ask you to make a donation. she wanted to lay it on the line. What they don’t tell you is that they are not authorized to be fundraising for that organization. While as little as 3 percent will go to that organization, 97 percent may stay in the scammer’s pocket. 2. Sweepstakes Many times people will get an official looking check. The account number is fraudulent, but the routing number is correct. The bank reads it as a valid check. What the sweepstakes will tell a senior is, “Cash the A guy named Horton McNeill worked in a factory that produced plastic. One day he took his sports coat to work and had the pockets lined with a thin, pliable check, you get the bulk of the money and send plastic. Then he went to the local soda fountain and ordered a chocolate soda. As the soda jerk gave him his change, McNeill said, “I think I’ll drink it at $5,000.” Some even come looking like official IRS refunds with the message: “Here’s your home” and poured it into his pocket, calmly walking out of the store. check, but you need to pay the late fees.” 3. Grandma Scam The older adult will get a call informing “Standing Together” them that their grandchild is in trouble and by Greg Bordignon needs money. This call may come from somebody saying they are a friend of the grandchild or from a person impersonating “Almost Home” the grandchild. The emotions kick in and the by Terry Redlin grandparent will wire the money to get their grandchild out of harm’s way. The person usually says they are in a jail outside of the country, lost their passport and will be detained until the bail is paid. The grandparent will wire the money, only to get another call the following week saying more money is Mention Tidbits to get these offers. needed to get the grandchild out of the country. 601 7th Ave. Marion kyles framing and gallery.com Meanwhile, the grandchild is safe at home and (319) 377-5739 unaware of the phone calls being made. 4. House repair scams Now that the weather is warming up, we start to see more people falling victim to the home repair scams. If a person knocks on your door offering to repair your roof, driveway, house, etc. be very cautious. Make sure you know who is providing the repair work and 4400 6th Street SW Cedar Rapids 319-365-8656 then check with the Better Business Bureau (BBB) at 1-800-222-1600 to make sure the Friday & Saturday at 6:30pm Sunday at 12:30pm company is legitimate. If it is a reputable repair person, they will encourage you to $6.00 Largest selection We serve investigate them. Make sure the person doing DINNER SPECIALS of Great FOOD the work is insured; this will protect you as a Cold Beer ! home owner. What to do if you have been scammed: MAKE YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY PARTY CONTACT THE POLICE! File a report in your area or in the area where the theft took A HAWKEYE DOWNS BINGO! PARTY place. Get a copy of the police report to support your claims to credit bureaus, Birthday Packages Available! PIZZA! creditors, debt collectors or other companies. Close your bank accounts if transactions have Comparable Rates! happened that you have not approved. Contact your local BBB to report the crime. Remember, the scammers are good at what Back by popular demand Good Night Game & Bonanza they do so don’t hide the crime they Support your community by keeping your Gambling Dollars local! committed, report it so we can save the next person from being taken advantage of. 4408 220th Trail 319-622-3641 See Drawing page www.ronneburgrestaurant.com Lehm Books & Gifts See this page www.lehmbooksandgifts.com 319-622-6447 4536 220th Trail • 800-840-2387
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March 31st, 2015
Hawkeye Publishing, L.L.C.
First ten people to call Russ Friday April 3rd win a t shirt and candle 319-360-3936
Page 11
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#20 In a List of April Fool's Day pranks: The Left-Handed Whopper April 1, 1998: Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version." Left-handed products of various kinds are actually an old joke on April first, but Burger King's announcement quickly became, by far, the most famous version of the joke.
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July 23– August 22 Travel plans hit a snag. Don’t worry, Leo. A minor modification will turn everything around. A deadline is met with ease, and a celebration may be in order.
Prankster Brian Hughes once took a kit of burglar tools and half a dozen empty picture frames and left them lying on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Panic ensued when the museum opened for business the next day.
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Applause all around. Your attention to detail makes all the difference this week, and the accolades will all be yours, Pisces. A website is launched.
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many magical moments with that special someone. One man’s trash is another’s treasure..
“Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. “ -Mark Twain
April 20– May 20
October 23– November 21
Romance reaches new Sometimes you have to heights this week with a pick your battles, Scorpio. getaway for two. OohlaInstead of going after la, Taurus. Financial every cause, why not fight errors are resolved quickly for those that mean the thanks to new technology. Racehorse o’ War 3/29/1917 mostMan to you. A work goal is set. Vincent VanGogh 3/30/1853 Rene Descartes 3/31/1596 Susan Boyle 4/1/1961 Charlemagne 4/2/742A.D. Washington Irving 4/3/1783 Grumpy Cat 4/4/2012
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Organization is the theme of this week, Virgo. You must make sure everything is in order before you proceed. A project wraps up quickly at home.
1. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? 2. How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? 3. How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? March 21– April 19 4. How many firefightersSeptember does it take to 23– October 22 Love is inathelight air. Seize change bulb? You’re lucky in love this every opportunity that brokers does it take to 5. How many stock week, Libra, as you share comes your way, Aries. change a light bulb?
of Art. Panic ensued when the museum
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August 23– September 22
May 21– June 21
No news is good news, Gemini. Leave it be. A tickle of the ivories sets the stage for a dazzling weekend. Make sure you take plenty of pictures.
November 22– December 21
A senior achieves the impossible. Invite them over for a little celebration. Finances improve with some thinking outside of the box. Good work, Sagittarius.
If all used motor oil in the U.S. were recycled, it would result in a saving of 1.3 million barrels of oil per day. Used oil can be re-refined into good-as-new lubricating oil. Oil never wears out; it just
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The maple syrup’s full of ants. / A mouse is creeping on the shelf. / Is that a spider on your back? / I ate the whole pie by myself. / The kitchen sink just overflowed. / A flash 3/29/1886 John Pemberton brews batch of flood washed away the school. / Ifirst threw your Coca Cola blanket in the trash. / I never lie…April Fool! 3/30/1842 Ether first used as anesthesia Fountain Dr NE -Myra Cohn Livingston 3/31/1889 Eiffel Tower first 5200 opened
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HILARIOUS HUGH TROY
• Hugh Troy was born in Ithica, NY in 1906. After graduating from Cornell, he became a successful illustrator of kid’s books. He was a captain during WWII and lived in Washington D.C. until his death in 1964. Today he is remembered for hischicken practical Q: Why did the rubber crossjokes. the road?
• Hugh Troy learned the art of pranking at a very A: It wanted to stretch its legs!on his grandmother. early age and practiced He wrote a letter to Sears and requested a corset, three yards of stovepipe, a teething ring, and two pounds of nails, then signed her name. When the package arrived addressed to Grandma, she exclaimed over their mistake and sent the package back with the letter explaining the error— a letter that was promptly intercepted by Hugh and replaced with another letter that said she needed quilt wadding, a hot water bottle, and two pounds of soft steel rivets. • When the Museum of Modern Art sponsored an exhibition of Van Gogh’s art, Troy made a replica of an ear out of chipped beef and mounted it in a blue velvet display case in the museum. A card identified it as the ear Van Gogh The exhibit more viewers 1. Whycut did off. the chicken cross thedrew playground? than any other painting on display.
2. Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
•When he found a park bench for sale, he bought it. It was an exact duplicate of the benches in Central Park. He and a friend would take the bench to the park, and as soon as they saw a cop coming, they would proceed to carry the bench away— and would promptly be arrested. The bill of sale would then be produced and Troy would indignantly demand to be set free. He was arrested several times before the city police caught on. • When a theater owner got on his nerves, Troy got even by smuggling a jar full of moths into the next showing. When released, the moths headed directly to the light of the projector, making it impossible for moviegoers to view the picture. • Troy served in WWII and mounted his own protest against the amount of paperwork by sending daily reports to the Pentagon consisting of the number of flies caught on the mess hall flypaper. Soon the Pentagon was wondering why all the other units weren’t sending in their flypaper reports, too.
Prankster Brian Hughes once took a kit
of burglar tools and half a dozen empty picture frames and left them lying on
• Once a cherry tree on the Cornell campus miraculously bore apples with a little help from this wonderful joker.
the steps of the Metropolitan Museum
• His most successful college stunt was when he borrowed a trash can from a friend. The trash can had been formed from a rhinoceros foot, and with it, Troy made rhino tracks across the snowy campus and onto the ice-covered reservoir where they ended abruptly at a large hole in the ice. When zoologists confirmed that the tracks were those of a rhino, reports started flooding in from all over the city by people who claimed that their drinking water tasted of rhinoceros.
of Art. Panic ensued when the museum opened for business the next day.
• When his imagination was triggered by a seminar on ghost writing, Troy placed an ad in a local newspaper reading, “Too busy to paint? Call on the Ghost Artists! We paint it - you sign it! Why not give an exhibition?” He got hundreds of responses.
1. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? 2. How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? 3. How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? 4. How many firefighters does it take to change a light bulb? 5. How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb? Answers on Page 14
If you work on April Fool's Day try this joke: Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
STRANGE BUT TRUE by Samantha Weaver
* You probably won’t be surprised to learn that when author (and noted wit) Oscar Wilde arrived in the United States “Let ushe be thankful for thecustoms fools. Butofficers, for them in 1882, told the “I have to not declare the nothing rest of us could succeed.except “ -Mark my genius.” Twain * A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. * If you’re planning a summer vacation in Maine this year, you might want to keep in mind that in that state, it’s against the law to tickle a woman under the chin with a feather duster. * Despite the fact that 95 percent of the world usesRacehorse the metric system Man o’ War 3/29/1917of measurement, we in the United States VanGogh 3/30/1853 still stubbornlyVincent cling to the archaic units of measurement from Rene Descartesderived 3/31/1596 the old British Imperial system. This Susan Boyle hodgepodge ranges from 4/1/1961 the mile (originally the distance a Roman soldier Charlemagne 4/2/742A.D. could march in 1,000 double steps) to the Irvingof4/3/1783 foot (originally Washington the length Emperor Charlemagne’s foot, later Grumpy Cat “standardized” 4/4/2012 to the length of 35 barleycorns laid end to end) to a yard (the distance between King Henry I’s nose to his extended fingertips) to an inch (the length from the tip to the first joint of a man’s thumb). * Brazil nuts do come from Brazil, but they’re not technically nuts; they’re seeds.
• In 1932, Hugh Troy saved extra copies of the newspaper that announced in giant headlines, “Roosevelt Elected!” Three years later he turned a few inebriated heads when he nonchalantly rode the subways reading this paper on New Year’s Eve.
* When you think of the band ZZ Top, you probably think of long beards -- that’s become a sort of signature for them. The drummer, though, is beardless -- and his name is Frank Beard.
• Troy dressed as a worker and removed all of the light bulbs from the halls of the WaldorfAstoria Hotel being questioned. 3/29/1886 Johnwithout Pemberton brews first batch of
Ifheartbeat all used motor in the U.S. of oil around 300 were beats per minute. During hibernation, though, recycled, would result in--a tosaving that dropsitdramatically onlyofthree or1.3 four beatsbarrels per minute. million of oil per day. Used (c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc. oil can be re-refined into good-as-new lubricating oil. Oil never wears out; it just
• Troy once swiped a religious sign proclaiming, Coca Cola “Jesus Saves.” the following day 3/30/1842 EtherHe firsterected used asitanesthesia in front of the Ithaca Savings Bank.
3/31/1889 Eiffel Tower first opened 4/1/1826 Samuel Morey patents internal combustion engine 4/2/1513 Ponce de Leon first sights what is now
The cree you / Th floo blan -My
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Wi t h o u t o u r a d v e r t i s e r s , y o u w o u l d n o t b e r e a d i n g t h i s p a p e r. T h a n k t h e m f o r c h o o s i n g Ti d b i t s .
March 31st, 2015
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2. How many bureaucrats does it take to screw your back? / I ate the whole pie by myself. in a light bulb? / The kitchen sink just overflowed. / A flash 3. How many Vulcans does it take to change a 31st, 2015 t h i s i s s u e o f Tidbits h o m e w i t h y o u t o s h a r e w i t h y o u r f a m iflood l y ! washed away the school.March / I threw your www.tidbitpapers.com or Call (319) 360-3936 light bulb? For Advertising E-mail: russ@tidbitpapers.comClimate controlled and blanket in the traditional trash. / I neverself-storage lie…April Fool! units www.greenacresstorage.net 4. How many firefighters does it take to THIS IS A HAMMER By Samantha Mazzotta Cedar Rapids 364-7400 -Myra Livingston Cedar Rapids 364-740 5315 J Street Cohn SW, change a light bulb? Take Stock for Spring 5315 J Street SW Just off I-380 & Hwy 30 5. How many stock brokers does it take to With the long freeze and snowy conditions that thea eastern change light bulb?part of the country has Marion 377-800
1. Why did the chicken cross the playground? 2. Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
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Marion 377-8000 Here are a few things to add to your to-do 550 Lindale Drive Just off Blairs Ferry Road nextchicken few weeks: • Virus Removal - Education on virus protection Q: Whylist didover the the rubber cross the road? • Professional internal cleaning of all electronics A: It wanted * Take stock: its Check to stretch legs! your garage or • In-home service calls / Pick up and Deliveries storage shed to make sure you have all • Recycling your unwanted electronics 1. How many psychiatrists does the tools and supplies needed to prep the change a light bulb? • Data, picture, music, documents and video retrieval 2. How many bureaucrats does lawn and garden. Things like grass seed • Upgrades for slow computers Electronic Consignment FOR ALLin YOUR COMMERCIAL OR a light bulb? for treating brown or thin spots, fertilizer, Call for details • Fix screens on laptop’s INDUSTRIAL PAINTING & COATING 3. How many Vulcans does it ta and lawn tools like thatchers and rakes. lightNEEDS bulb? Mention this ad and receive a discount 4. How many firefighters 4003 J Street SW Cedar Rapids, IA 52404 does it Also all cell phones, I-pads and tablets * Prepare your lawnmower and power change a light bulb? E-mail: dabunch@qwest.net Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road? tools: Make sure the mower is assembled, 5. How many stock brokers doe 319-399-1735 change a light bulb? that blades are sharp and that you have A: It wanted to stretch itsCall legs! today for your fuelchicken on hand.cross Checkthe that power tools 1. Whyfresh did the playground? free estimate 319-533-5617 2. Whylike didedgers, the chicken cross the road half way? string The maple syrup’s full of ants. / A mouse is 1. How many blowers, psychiatrists doestrimmers it take to and www.mikespcrepaircr.com hedge trimmers are in good shape. This word means:onThethe first shelf. and last name the person creeping / Isofthat a spider on change a light bulb? 612 8th Ave. S.W. who said, “The greatest lesson in life is to know that even * Turn your compost pile: Or, if you don’t 2. How many bureaucrats does it take to screw Cedar Rapids, IA 52404 your back? / I ate the whole pie by myself. fools are right sometimes.” have one,bulb? start one. It won’t be ready for in a light / The kitchen sink just overflowed. / A flash early spring but could usable in the 3. How many Vulcans does itbetake to change a “Let us be flood washed away the school. / I thankful threw yourfor the foo summer the rest of us could not succ light bulb? to help along your vegetable garden. blanket in the trash. / ITwain never lie…April Fool! 4. How many firefighters does it take to *change Get outdoor furniture ready: Whether -Myra Cohn Livingston a light bulb? your patio furniture is stored or sturdy 5. How many stock brokers does it take to enough sitbulb? outside all winter, check change a to light it for damage and cleanonce off dirt, mineral Prankster Brian Hughes took a kit scaling or other crud. 1. Why did the chicken cross the playground? of burglar tools and half a dozen empty Racehorse Man o 2. Why did the chicken cross the road half way? * Check window andthem doorlying screens: picture frames and left on Vincent VanGogh Replacing tornMetropolitan or ratty screenMuseum is one of the steps ofathe Rene Descartes easiest and most affordable jobs. Susan Boyle ofthe Art. Panic ensued when theDIY museum * Inspect your lawn for damage: Freezing Remodeling?? opened Charlemagne for business the next day. Irvin weather, icy patches and salt-burnt edging 1. It takes only one psychiatrist, but the bulb has got to W reallyashington Grumpy Cat are among the problems homeowners Mention WANT to change. often find after the snow melts. You can this ad for a 2. It takes two bureaucrats to change a lightbulb: One to assure us be thankful the fools. areas But for them begin“Let patching up for damaged even Free the everything possible is being done while the other screws the of ushard couldfrost. not succeed. “ -Mark before the therest last design bulb into the water faucet. consultation. Twain * Make a budget: List the supplies and 240 Classic Car Ct. SW 3. “It requires the effort of approximately 1.0000000000000 tools you need, plus repairs. Also budget 319.866.9816 This word means: The first and last name of the person who Vulcans said, “The greatest in life is to-Spock know that even how much time you can dedicate to home changelesson a lightbulb.” www.canteburykitchens.com fools are rightto sometimes.” and garden work this year. 4. It takes four firefighters to change a lightbulb: one to change the
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the steps of the Metropolitan Museum
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UNHITCHCORNWILLS
Racehorse Man o’ War 3/29/1917 Vincent VanGogh 3/30/1853 Rene Descartes 3/31/1596 Susan Boyle 4/1/1961 Charlemagne 4/2/742A.D. Washington Irving 4/3/1783 Grumpy Cat 4/4/2012
UNHITCHCORNWILLS
Another prank to try on your kids: bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof. TIP: Help salt-damaged grass and plants Squeeze a few drops of food coloring into the all to used 5. It takes two stockIfbrokers change amotor lightbulb: Oneoil to takein the U.S Prankster Brian Hughes a kit John brews first batch of recover by Pemberton watering them thoroughly bottom of your kid's bowl,once thentook cover it with3/29/1886 recycled, it would result in a Coca Cola out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it once the weather is consistently above cereal. So when your kid pours milk it will 1.3 million barrels of oil per Ether first used as anesthesia of burglar tools and half a dozen empty 3/30/1842 3/31/1889 Eiffel Tower first opened crashes (knowing that it’scan already burned out). freezing, then re-seeding and treating change colors as it rises to the top. oil be re-refined into goo Racehorse Man o’ Warinternal 3/29/1917 combus4/1/1826 Samuel Morey patents with appropriate fertilizer. picture frames and left them lying on tion engine lubricating oil. Oil never wea Vincent VanGogh 3/30/1853 4/2/1513 Ponce de Leon first sights what is now gets dirty. Used oil can be rep A Fantastic prank to try your 1. It takes only one psychiatrist, but on the bulb haskids: got to really the steps of the Metropolitan Museum FloridaSend your questions or home Rene Descartes 3/31/1596 tips to ask@thisisahammer.com. WANT to change. into fuel oil, which 4/3/1869 First successful Pony Express run Add some pop rocks to their ice cream, they contains (c) 2015 Kingincorporated Features Synd., Inc. 2. It takes two bureaucrats to change a lightbulb: One to assure 4/4/1850 Los Angeles as a city Susan Boyle 4/1/1961 140,000 BTUs energy and of Art. Panic ensued when the museum will it, but at first will wondering what's thelove everything possible is being donebe while the otherof screws the burned efficiently. bulb into the Charlemagne 4/2/742A.D. happeing inwater theirfaucet. mouth. opened for business the next day. 3. “It requires the effort of approximately 1.0000000000000 Answer for Tidbits Word Power Puzzle below: Washington Irving 4/3/1783 Vulcans to change a lightbulb.” -Spock 4. Fantastic It takes four firefighters a lightbulb: one to change the A prank totochange try on your kids: Grumpy Cat 4/4/2012 bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof. Act liketwo thestock coolest and One telltoyour 5. It takes brokers parent to changeever a lightbulb: take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before kids you’ll be serving sundaes for dinner, thatit Do you like reading this paper? If you own a business, consider all the crashes (knowing that it’s already burned out). WINSTON CHURCHILL way when they realize their sundae is actually other people reading this paper. Call me as I can help with your marketing. Russ 360-3936 mashed potatoes and gravy, it can be their dinner
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The maple syrup’s full of ants. / A mouse is creeping on the shelf. / Is that a spider on your back? / I ate the whole pie by myself. / The kitchen sink just overflowed. / A flash flood washed away the school. / I threw your blanket in the trash. / I never lie…April Fool! -Myra Cohn Livingston
ke to
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1. In a large bowl, stir cream cheese with a sturdy spoon until soft. Add dry pudding mix, dry milk powder and water. Mix Chocolate Peanut Butter well using a wire whisk. Blend in 1/4 cup whipped topping. Carefully spread mixture Cheesecake into pie crust. Refrigerate while preparing eridge escapes 2 (8-ounce) packages fat-free cream cheese 1 (4-serving) package sugar-free instant topping. g of 2. In a medium bowl, stir peanut butter average 2ndpudding Quartermix 2015 chocolate fudge Used door? with a spoon until soft. Fold in remaining 2/3 cup nonfat dry milk powder Week 14 new 1/2 cup whipped topping. Spread mixture 1 cup water evenly over cream-cheese filling. Evenly t; it just 3/4 cup reduced calorie topping “If it weren’t for the fact whipped that the TV set and sprinkle chocolate graham-cracker crumbs ssed refrigerator are sochocolate far apart, some ofpie us crust 1 (6-ounce) the purchased NEENITIS wouldn’t get any exercise at all.” and peanuts over top. Refrigerate for at 6 tablespoons reduced-fat peanut butter –Joey Adams This word means: This genius also 1 (2 1/2-inch) chocolate graham cracker least 2 hours. Makes 8 servings.
be
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(c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.
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1. The chicken crossed to get to Terithe Garrplayground 12/11/1947 the other slide. Frank Sinatra 12/12/1915 Mary Lincoln 2. The chicken crossed theTodd road half 12/13/1818 way because she wanted to lay it on the line.
HOCUS-FOCUS
Differences: 1. Sign is missing. 2. Cap is different. 3. Blanket roll is missing. 4. Sun is missing. 5. Arm is moved. 6. Log is smaller.
1. TRUE: The more items you have in your fridge, the more efficient it is. 2. The ideal temperature for a fridge is 40 f. (4.4 C). 3. 90% of refrigerators in America are either white or almond. 4. The average life expectancy of a fridge is 14 years. 5. The pocket-size fridge is used for carrying insulin on trips.
Answers on Page 14
A Chinese company put up a 30-story building in 15 days. The construction was able to proceed sports coat tosowork had the pockets lined with a thin, pliable fastandbecause the was laid ahead Homes in the U.S.foundation contain about 44.5 million gave himof histime change, McNeill said, “I thinkwas I’ll drink it at factory kjerk robbery and the building largely fridges that are over 10 years old. Many Once piecesunits were ted for selling manufactured. of these units servethe as secondary to a shipped to the site all that was left was for the construction 20th state household. If each home replaced its old, ted for securitiesworkers to put it all together, which they did at inefficient fridge with a new Energy Star speed. ta as the capitalrecord of certified unit, consumers would save $2
construction: s ice cream coneUtube video billion ashowing year in utility costs and enough www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwvmru5JmXk energy to light up 9.2 million homes for a year.
So why is it that our local cities cannot fix all the potholes during the year? Heck, Marion had one that must have been ignored for many years. I ended up Quarter 2014 a tire and damaged the in4th it and destroyed Week (Note 50 wheel. that my car only had 3,000 miles on it). Of course the city manager is very ignorant in accepting responsibility by stating that the city does not maintain alleyways even though they own them.
However, they are the ones that filled it in a few days after I filed my complaint with the city. I asked a police officer to verify the damage which he did and he mentioned that the city is aware of pothole problems. But I’m sure if Lon D. Pluckhahn, Marion City Manager, were to trip in my driveway for all he could! he would sue my
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Russ Swart, Publisher