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Of Grand Forks • East Grand Forks April 15, 2021
Published by: Wick Publications
701-740-0968
Issue # 1,215
Chad@TidbitsGF.com
TIDBITS APOLOGIZES FOR ®
FARTS
by Janet Spencer
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The average human releases about a quart of gas every day, which is enough to blow up a birthday balloon. Nearly all animals experience some form of flatulence. Come along with Tidbits as we apologize for farting!
EXCUSE ME
• A typical person farts ten to fifteen times a day. Farts are like fingerprints; their bacterial composition is unique to an individual, which 701-739-2403 may be why you aren’t bothered by your own 2600 DeMers Ave. but hate the farts of others. Grand Forks, ND • Gas is formed primarily in the large intestine. After food makes its way through the small intestine, the residual waste remains in the colon until expelled. Intestinal bacteria consume the leftover nutrients, such as fiber and carbohydrates that weren't absorbed into the body. They break down the matter and give off byproducts in a process called colonic fermentation. The David Kent waste products of the bacteria creates gas. 2534 17th Ave. S. Grand Forks • The average fart is made up of 58% nitrogen, 218-779-5458 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methdkent@nodakins.net ane, and 4% oxygen. All of these are odorless. The remaining 1% is made up of smellier chemicals that can be detected even when diluted 1 part in 100 million. Most of these ay hello to Liberty and we’ll work to get youtothe chemicals biggest refund possible as fast as possible. are sulfurous, particularly hydrogen sulfide, known for its odor of rotten eggs.
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FART FACTS (continued):
• When gut bacteria breaks down foods that are naturally high in sulfates, such as eggs, broccoli, cauliflower, almonds, and Brussels sprouts, they give off waste products that are much higher in sulfurous chemicals, leading to smellier flatulence. A sulfur compound called mercaptan found in meats and dairy products can also be to blame. • Beans cause gas because they contain large amounts of oligosaccharides, a type of plant-based sugar. Most animals have an enzyme called alphagalactosidase that breaks down these sugars, but humans lack that enzyme. Experts claim that the more often you eat beans, the less they will make you fart, as the microflora in your gut adjusts. • The anti-gas product Beano, which claims to prevent bean-related gas before it occurs, actually works. The pills contain the missing alphagalactosidase enzyme which cuts complex carbohydrates into shorter, simpler carbs that are much easier to digest. As a result, they get broken down in the small intestine rather than making it all the way to the large intestine, where bacteria would ferment them, producing gas. • Botanist Colin Leakey, son of anthropologist Louis Leakey, developed a fart-free bean. In 1979, he was in Chile. As he walked through an open air market, he noticed that some beans were more expensive than others. These were called the “rich man’s bean.” When he asked why, the women in the stalls claimed they were fart-free beans. Leaky began studying them, cross-breeding the ones that caused the least stink, and came up with a hybrid he called the “prim bean.” • The knee-jerk reaction for some people is to stop eating things that produce gas, but these foods made of complex carbohydrates are nutritious not only for humans but also for the bacteria in the gut. It’s not a good idea to starve those bacteria. ...continued
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FART FACTS (continued):
• Some gas is caused by swallowed air, coming from fizzy drinks as well as things like airy whipped topping. Most swallowed air comes up as burps, but some goes through as farts. Flatulance resulting from swallowed air has very little odor. • The same bacteria that produce gas also generate vitamins and fatty acids that help maintain our colon lining, as well as supporting the immune system.
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• Fart jokes appear in the works of Shakespeare and in Chaucer’s “Canterbury Tales.” Farts are mentioned in the Bible (Isaiah 26:17-18), and are featured in several stories of “The Arabian Nights.” Dante wrote about farting in “The Inferno” and Jonathan Swift penned an essay called “The Benefit of Farting Explained.” In response to a call for scientific papers, Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay called “Fart Proudly” in which he facetiously suggested that researchers study a way to make farts smell better.
FART WORDS
• The word “fart” had been in common use for centuries, yet Webster’s left it out of the dictionary until 1961. On the other hand, Samuel Johnson’s “Dictionary of the English Language,” published in 1755, included it. • “Flatulence” comes from the Latin verb “flare” meaning “to blow,” and its corresponding noun “flatus” meaning “a blowing.” The word “poop” originated with the Middle English “powpe” meaning “to blow a horn” and originally referred to a fart, morphing into “poot” which became “toot.” • In slang it’s called “cutting the cheese” because when cheese was originally sold in large round molds, the first slice the cut through the waxy protective rind, released the sharp odor of fermentation. ...continued
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TRUE FART FACTS
• In the year 569 B.C., King Apries of Egypt sent General Amasis to squash a rebellion. The rebels crowned General Amasis as their new king, and he was OK with that. When King Apries got wind of it, he sent one of his most respected advisors to bring General Amasis before him. When the advisor encountered Amasis, the general was seated upon a horse. He raised his butt off the saddle, farted loudly, and told the advisor to take that message back to King Apries. When the advisor delivered the message, King Apries was so angry that he commanded his henchmen to cut off the nose and ears of the advisor. Because the advisor had been a very popular person, the citizens of Egypt were enraged. Many defected and joined forces with General Amasis. Because of this, Amasis defeated King Apries in battle. Amasis was declared Egypt’s new king, and ruled for 44 peaceful and prosperous years. • In the 1600s, Edward DeVere, 17th Earl of Oxford, bowed down before Queen Elizabeth, and accidentally let out a fart. He was so embarrassed that he left England for 7 years. When he returned, the Queen greeted him saying, “My lord, I had forgot the fart!” • Comedienne Caryn Johnson admits that she got the first part of her stage name due to the fact that stomach ulcers caused her to pass a lot of gas, making her sound like a walking whoopee cushion. She’s now known as Whoopi Goldberg.
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• Underpants or cushions with a built-in charcoal filters are designed to detoxify farts, known variously at Toot Trappers, Butt Mufflers, Flatulence Filters, or Farty Pants. Briefs made from carbon fiber are effective at removing up to 77% of the odor. Experts recommend ingesting peppermint, ginger, yogurt, pumpkin, or cardamom to diminish flatulence.
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Thank You For Your Service by Lucie Winbourne
• "The Whole Shabang" is a brand of potato chips once sold only in jails and prisons. It was so popular that in 2016, due to demand from ex-inmates, it was finally made available to the general public. • The majority of people will tilt their head to the right when they kiss. • Sherlock Holmes creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle helped popularize skiing by being the first Englishman to document the sport. • In Alabama, it's against the law to drive while impersonating a member of the clergy. • For centuries, doctors thought that medicines made with human flesh, blood or bone could be effective in curing all kinds of ailments, from epilepsy to headaches. The practice was called "corpse medicine." • The original name for the search engine Google was Backrub. It was renamed after the googolplex, which is the number 1 followed by 100 zeros. • The fear of young people is known as "ephebiphobia."
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• Gatling gun salesmen went to Civil War battlefields to demonstrate their products in actual combat. • A newly sworn-in Barack Obama visited the U.K. in 2009 and presented some rather curious gifts to the prime minister and queen: 25 DVDs to David Cameron, and an iPod Classic to the then-octogenarian Elizabeth II. Cameron returned the gesture with some "wellies" and Hobgoblin ale. • In the Solomon Islands, dolphin teeth were (and still are) used as a form of currency. • Historically, most Easter celebrants would have eaten lamb for the occasion, as the holiday has its roots in the Jewish Passover. Most American Easter dinners now feature ham, however, because years ago, hams cured over the winter would have been ready to serve in early spring. *** Thought for the Day: "When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen." -- Harley Davidson (c) 2021 King Features Synd., Inc.
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To learn more about VA life insurance, go to www. benefits.va.gov/insurance. Follow the Eligibility links to see if you qualify for any of the whole menu of VA insurance. Consult the rates chart to see what your premiums would be. As an example, a $300,000 policy for a 50-year-old veteran would run you $99 per month. Rates across all categories jump significantly once you hit the age 55 column, so if you're considering it, don't delay. A $100,000 policy at age 30 will cost you a mere $9 per month. At that same webpage you can apply to convert your SGLI policy to VGLI, apply for service-disabled insurance, update your beneficiary, file an insurance claim and more, as well as getting forms for all of these. On the right side of the screen you'll see Assessing Your Life Insurance Needs. Click that to use the calculator to zero in on how much you should have. It might be more than you think. © 2021 King Features Synd., Inc.
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Vaccinated? COVID Advice Clear as Mud
If you're confused about COVID vaccine and when our lives are going to change for the better, you're not alone. We're considered to be fully vaccinated once two weeks have passed after the second dose of Pfizer or Moderna vaccines, or two weeks after the one-dose Johnson & Johnson. What's new is this, per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: If fully vaccinated, you can be indoors with other fully vaccinated people without wearing a mask. You can meet indoors with unvaccinated people in one household unless one of those people has a health risk. If you've been around someone who has COVID, you don't have to stay away from people or get tested unless you have symptoms ... or live in a group setting. In that case, stay away from others for 14 days and get tested, even if you don't have symptoms. Clear as mud, right? It gets worse. According to the CDC, as fabulous as this new vaccine is, even if fully vaccinated, we still need to wear masks in public. We still need to social distance. We still need to avoid medium and large crowds. We still need to stay out of poorly ventilated spaces. We should delay travel. So what's the holdup? Why are we still under restrictions after getting the vaccine? The best I can figure out is that the answer lies with the COVID variants, the different versions created as the virus mutates. It appears that not all of the vaccines work equally well on all of the variants. Frankly, some of the vaccines work rather poorly, depending on which variant it encounters. Until scientists figure this out, we still need to be cautious: wear masks, stay away from people, stay out of crowds. Except for getting the vaccine, not much has changed. © 2021 King Features Synd., Inc.
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WONDERFUL WORDS
• During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate Chesapeake was up against the British ship Shannon when the Chesapeake’s captain, James Lawrence, was fatally • During the Revolutionary War, the American ship Le wounded. His dying words were, “Don't give up the Bonhomme Richard was engaged in battle with the ship!” British ship Serapis. The Richard took a beating and was in danger of sinking. The captain of the Richard • General John Morgan was talking with General Naordered his crew to close in on the Serapis, then lashed than Bedford Forrest about their exploits in the Civil the two ships together. The captain of the Serapis, seeWar when Morgan asked Forrest how he had maning the Richard begin to sink, asked for a surrender, but aged to capture the garrison at Murfreesboro. Forrest Captain John Paul Jones said no, calling out, “I have simply replied, “I just took the short cut and got there not yet begun to fight!” The two ships mauled each first with the most men.” This statement remembered other till the Serapis finally surrendered. The Richard as, “I got there firstest with the mostest.” sank, but John Paul Jones sailed the Serapis home as a • In 1813 during the Battle of Lake Erie, naval comprize. mander Oliver Hazard was commanding the flagship • Admiral David Farragut was leading the Union attack Lawrence when it was so badly damaged that he had against the Confederates in the ship Tecumseh. The bay to row to a new ship to continue the battle. Neverwas mined, forcing ships to pass close to the Confedertheless, he won the battle and sent a terse dispatch ate fort. The Tecumseh was sunk by a mine, so Farraannouncing the victory, saying, “We have met the engut moved to the Hartford to continue the attack. The emy, and they are ours.” Years later Walt Kelly's carfleet was in disarray and the tide was sweeping them toon character Pogo parodied this, saying, “We have closer to the guns on shore. The Confederate ship Tenmet the enemy and he is us.” nessee was closing in. Farragut called out, “Damn the torpedoes, go ahead!” The ships pressed on through • Just north of the equator, the earth is circled by a band of wind that moves nearly constantly. Just south of the the minefield without further damage. Soon both the equator, another band of wind moves constantly, but fort and the Tennessee had fallen. Farragut’s speech is it moves in the opposite direction. However, there’s a now remembered as, “Damn the torpedoes, full speed belt around the equator where the two winds moving ahead!” in opposite directions cancel each other out, leaving • Chaplain Howell Forgy was aboard the cruiser New large swaths of the ocean without a single breath of Orleans in Pearl Harbor when the Japanese attacked. moving air for long periods of time. The word for this The man who had the keys to the ammunition room stagnant area came from the same root word that gave had gone ashore before the attack, so the crewmen were us dull and dolt. Later the term also came to mean forced to break down the door, only to find that the auanybody who acted sluggish, slow, or lazy. From tomatic ammunition hoist was out of order. So the men there it also came to mean listless, a depressed mood, formed a human chain to get the ammo on deck. Seeor suffering from low spirits. When you’re down in ing the men tire after passing many heavy loads, Forgy the dumps, you’re also in the “doldrums.” called out, “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!” This later became the title of a popular song.
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April 5, 2021
• Trying to spot roof damage but not quite sure you’re ready for a trip up the ladder? Before you get up on the roof, get out your binoculars. You’d be surprised how much you can see from the ground, and you can do a cursory examination and then decide if anything needs a closer look. • Upcycle an unused bread box as a charging station. Simply mount a power strip in the back of the box on the inside, and you can put phones and other small devices directly inside to charge. Run a cord through the side so that larger tablets can sit on top of the box to charge. • “Use lip balm to help a too-tight ring slide off of a finger. This happened to me when I tried on my sister’s ring in church. I had some lip balm in my pocket, and it helped me get the ring off quickly and quietly without having to get up.” — A.E. in Washington • If your phone’s buzzing and ringing with alerts has you distracted during your workday, use the “do not disturb” function to create periods of quiet. Schedule blocks of deep focus time by making an appointment with yourself in your calendar. This can help you to organize your time to get things done. • Using cold water for laundering protects colors and uses less energy. • If you have some sticky gum that’s stuck on fabric, it might be best to set it aside and wait for it to harden. Or if you can’t wait that long, try using a piece of duct tape. Press the tape over the gum, then lift off from the side. You can repeat this process to pull up all of the gum. Send your tips to Now Here’s a Tip, 628 Virginia Drive, Orlando, FL 32803.
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• On April 25, 1719, Daniel Defoe's "The Life and Strange Adventures of Robinson Crusoe" is published. The book, about a shipwrecked sailor who spends 28 years on a deserted island, is based on the experiences of Alexander Selkirk, a Scottish sailor who spent four years on a small island off South America. • On April 24, 1800, President John Adams approves legislation to appropriate $5,000 to establish the Library of Congress. The first books, ordered from London, arrived in 1801. Twelve years later, the library was destroyed when the British army invaded the city of Washington and burned the Capitol. • On April 22, 1945, Adolf Hitler, upon learning that no German defense was offered to the Russian assault at Eberswalde, admits to all in his underground bunker in Berlin that the war is lost and suicide is his only recourse.
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• On April 23, 1954, Hank Aaron hits the first home run of his Major League Baseball career. Twenty years later, Aaron broke Babe Ruth's long-standing record of 714 career homers. Aaron retired from baseball in 1976 with 755 career homers. • On April 20, 1971, the Pentagon confirms that fragging incidents (tossing fragmentation hand grenades into sleeping areas) are on the rise. Fragging incidents in combat were usually attempts to remove leaders perceived to be incompetent and a threat to survival. • On April 21, 1980, Rosie Ruiz, age 26, finishes first in the women's division of the Boston Marathon. Ruiz was stripped of her victory eight days later after race officials learned she joined the race about a mile before the finish line. • On April 19, 1995, a massive truck bomb explodes outside the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. The blast collapsed the north face of the nine-story building, killing 168 people, including 19 young children in its day-care center. © 2021 King Features Synd., Inc.
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PIRATE TYPES
• A buccaneer was a pirate who operated in the Caribbean. In the 1600s various misfits such as runaway slaves, criminals hiding out, and sailors who had deserted their ships began roaming around the island that is now Haiti. They hunted wild pigs and cattle, drying the meat to preserve it. The drying racks they used were called “boucans” and this group of rag-tag men subsequently became known as buccaneers. They traded their dried meat for goods carried by ships that were heading back to Europe. The Spanish had claimed the island as their territory so the presence of these buccaneers was unwanted. To drive them off, the Spaniards not only murdered them whenever possible, but also slaughtered their cattle and pigs. Angry, the buccaneers organized a resistance and drove the Spaniards off. Not satisfied with that, the buccaneers then took their revenge to the sea, raiding every Spanish ship they could capture. Finding this profitable, they often attacked ships from other countries as well. The heyday of buccaneers in the Caribbean waned by the end of the 1600s as the Spanish presence in the Caribbean began to fall off. • A privateer was essentially a pirate whose plundering was sanctioned and often underwritten by the government that the pirate worked for. Captains of privately owned boats carried documents known as Letters of Marque which officially authorized them to attack and plunder ships belonging to whatever country their homeland was warring with at the time. (“Marque” came from the German word “march” meaning border; the Letters of Marque gave the captains permission to cross international boundaries.) Generally the sponsoring government received a share of the privateer's loot. ...continued
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PIRATE TYPES (continued):
DIFFERENCES:: DIFFERENCES 1. Cap is reversed. 2. Star is moved. 3. Sleeve is shorter. 4. Hand is moved. 5. Cuffs are missing. 6. Shirt is different. © 2020 King Features Synd., All rights reserved.
• Privateering reached its zenith between 1589 and 1815, when privateers acted as auxiliary members of the navy. When a particular war ended, the Letters of Marque issued for that war expired and the privateers found themselves out of work. Reluctant to give up their way of life, many of them became pirates instead and attacked whatever ships they ran across. During the War of 1812, privateers disregarded the rules laid down by their Letters of Marque and began attacking whatever ships they found. Because of these abuses, the Declaration of Paris, signed in 1856 by France and England, abolished privateering. This declaration later became part of general international law. • Then there were the regular pirates, who attacked not only other ships but also any likelylooking towns on shore. The cost of operating pirate ships was often underwritten by wealthy businessmen who invested in the venture hoping to make a profit. • Captain Kidd was licensed by the British government to capture enemy merchant ships and bring the plunder home. But one ship he preyed on was owned by rich, influential men who had connections. They complained to King William III— the same man who had commissioned Kidd— and Kidd was tricked, trapped, and brought to trial. Evidence was withheld that would have saved him, and Kidd went to the gallows, undeserving of his reputation as an evil pirate.
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• Philosopher Diogenes was captured by pirates in order to be sold into slavery. The pirate captain wanted to know if he had any trade or skills. Diogenes replied that all he knew was how to govern men. “Sell me to a man who needs a master!” he said. The pirate immediately put him to work as tutor to his two sons. Locally Owned
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