Stages Of Depression After A Relationship Breakup Breakup is a dreaded event in any relationship. Breaking up is never easy. Whatever type of relationship you are in – boyfriend-girlfriend, same-sex relationship, marital/spousal, life-partnership, and even friendship – the wounds from a breakup take time to heal. Most of us think that people at the receiving end of a breakup suffer from stages of breakup grief or depression. In reality, both parties go through the stages of grief/depression (which I limit to five), including anger and denial, even if you were the one who initiated the split. Going through the early stages can be painful, but if you stay strong and give yourself time, you can eventually attain relief and closure and find yourself at the end of the grief stages, acceptance. Denial. Denial is a natural human response wired to your brain as a way of dealing with unwanted news. It can also give your heart time to adjust to a new situation, even undesirable ones. When you are in the denial phase you may convince yourself that it’s all a big understanding and you think that your significant other will come around eventually. At this stage, you can always turn to your trusted friends and family for support and advice. Anger. It is normal to have an angry reaction to a breakup and be angry at your former partner. In fact, anger is a perfectly normal emotion to have. It’s what you do with your anger that can be problematic. It is important in this phase not to make any rash decisions that you may later regret. As one saying puts it: “Don’t make decisions when you’re angry; don’t make promises when you’re happy.” Work through your anger constructively, and not destructively at this stage. Recharge your happy hormones by doing exercise, doing a new hobby and anything fun that lets you forget being angry. Bargaining. The bargaining stage can be an ugly and desperate stage of a breakup where you will try to restore your relationship or perhaps rebuild it as a friendship. At this stage you may try anything you can to reclaim your relationship. However, most events at this stage are more like promises to fix those things you think are the reason why your ex left you in the first place. Instead of making desperate compromises and demeaning yourself to get your relationship back, you can access your pride by starting anew sans your ex and progress to other stages of grief. Depression. It’s normal to be sad. Like anger, sadness is also a normal and healthy emotion. Like in the anger stage, this is a point where your body’s happy hormones plummet and thus you feel sad and depressed. At this point of despair, you may already have come to terms with the fact that the situation is not going to change. This is the time when the kindness and support of others matter most and thus you should turn to them: your family and trusted friends. Reflect on things and remind yourself to resist the temptation of turning to drugs, alcohol or food. Most importantly, you need to know that breakups can be depressing, and that this feeling should and will pass. Acceptance. When you reach this stage, you deserve your own pat on the shoulder. This is the point when things sort of come full circle. You are ready to love and be loved again and you gain newfound respect and love for yourself. This point comes with the acceptance of what has happened in the past relationship and the acceptance of the bond you once shared with your former special someone. You acknowledge that special relationships make you who you are, even if they ended at some point. Also,
consider this the final stage of grief after a breakup, because this is where you will begin to piece together what happened, accept the breakup, and acknowledge the part you played in it. And finally, let go of the remaining grief associated with the breakup. Breaking up with a special someone can be dreadful, but it can also be manageable. It’s OK to let your emotions show after a breakup, as long as you manage them and don’t let them get the best of you. Keep a positive outlook and see the breakup as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes in the past and carry those lessons into the future. This is a healthy way of accepting a breakup and growing as an individual. The pain from a breakup may not go away completely yet, but time can heal all wounds – even those of the heart, when you’re open to being healed.