Nightlife

HOW TO GET A DATE IN TOKYO Without resorting to Tinder, we mean. Kirsty Bouwers heads to six bars to try and meet people (and perhaps find a little romance) the old-fashioned way

Tokyo – 13 million people yet loneliness still strikes. Plain human contact can be a challenge, with everyone racing from A to B, constantly on their phones or in their own little groups. I’ve been living here for a year, and although I must admit I’m a smartphone convert as well, I still prefer meeting (new) people in the flesh.

So what’s a single girl to do to find a bit of entertainment, or possibly true love? Head to a bar, in the hope that some Dutch courage and music will fracture the tight-knit groups and loosen up the tongues a bit. And my oh my, the results were as varied as the bars...

Night 1: A971 Time till first flirt: 50 minutes Crowd watch: Expats, lost tourists and the occasional foreigner-hunting Japanese guy

One Japanese blog billed A971 as the place to meet high-ranking expats. Perfect. Somewhat upscale pick-ups in Tokyo’s international central. As it’s the first venue on my list, I decide to call in a wingwoman. In hindsight, perhaps not a great idea. We now have a group, and are automatically redirected to a table: first in the quiet dining area and then outside on the terrace, far away from everyone else. A full 50 minutes pass before we get a wave and a smile-wink – from a guy walking past. Does that count? Considering the circumstances, yes.

It’s about time I take some action, so I head inside. Bingo. While ordering, a tipsy Japanese guy starts chatting me up, but soon decides to become an impromptu wingman for the solo Korean-American standing behind us. After introductions, I find myself in the age-old conversation of whether I would ‘date an Asian’, whether I can tell the difference between Koreans and Japanese – and which I prefer. Across the bar, another guy has started literally picking up women and swinging them around. Just your average Thursday night. 9-7-2 Akasaka, Minato (Roppongi Station). 03 5413 3210. tinyurl. com/TOTA971

Night 2: Club Atom Time till first flirt: A few seconds Crowd watch: Japanese students and young office workers looking for a dance and a mate. Eighty percent male

Walking into Atom on a Saturday night as one of the few blonde girls in the club can either be described as a very flattering or utterly terrifying experience. Within a second, at least five guys are eyeing me up, and while I try to push my way through the crowd with my friends, many a blurry face tries to strike up a conversation over the deafening music. One charmer decides that the best way to declare his interest is to swing out his arm and slap my arse. Others try to hump me, badly. (No, I didn’t know that was possible either). I head for my saving grace – the ‘ladies only’ dancefloor. On the plus side, at least meeting people here is easy. 2-4 Maruyamacho, Shibuya (Shibuya Station). 03 3464 0703. tinyurl.com/ TOTAtom

Night 3: R2 Supperclub Time till first flirt: Erm, that’s a fail Crowd watch: Well-dressed expats and groups of thirtysomething salarymen

A place that has a dress code can either be very right or very wrong for meeting people. At first it looks like there’s potential: small groups of men and a few solo ones, all perched at the bar casually glancing around as soon as we walk in, with looks back and forth once we sit down. Unfortunately, that’s where the action ends, as everyone firmly stays in their seats. My friend leaves after one drink – I stay for another to see what happens if I’m alone. The verdict? Zilch. Not even one chatup line from the guy across the bar, who has been eyeing me up from the start. The bar is now full, filled with groups of expats who all seem to know each other, and I’m left as the only solo drinker in between groups. I feel a bit desperate. To be fair, I’m also likely the youngest and most unconnected person in the bar. This mission has failed. 7-14-23 Roppongi, Minato (Roppongi Station). 03 6447 0002. tinyurl.com/ TOTr2

Night 4: Jumanji 55 Time till first flirt: 2 minutes (after 11pm) Crowd watch: Anyone who wants to drink on the cheap in Roppongi

The first words that come to mind are ‘English student bar’. Then you spot the mannequins dressed in underwear and pink feather boas perched above the stairs (sadly, the dinosaur that used to be at the entrance has retired), and you realise things might get interesting. Not at 9pm, however, which is when we walk in. Besides two girls and a few small groups of guys, it’s very quiet, and no-one seems to be interested in a friend for the night. I come back a few hours later for round two, armed with another wingwoman, and this time it’s packed with barely lucid partygoers screening the crowd, holding their drinks and bobbing to pop music. One of them, half my size, sluggishly states his wish to dance with me after I order a drink. I admire his liquid courage but decline, down my drink and leave for greener pastures. At least something happened. 1F-2F Marina Bldg, 3-10-5 Roppongi, Minato (Roppongi Station). 03 5410 5455. jumanji55.com

Night 5: Dining & Bar Kitsune Time till first flirt: Oh dear, another fail Crowd watch: Well-to-do locals and office workers looking for a cool place to dine and drink

As soon as we walk in, we conclude that tonight may not be the best night. It’s Obon, and although the low tables are full with groups, there’s no-one sitting at the round bar besides one guy – who admittedly does look good and glances over often. He also apparently knows the staff. My wingman and I end up having too much fun chatting together, and the only vague attempt at meeting people is when the waiter asks if we’re together. We reply we’re co-workers – loud enough for the solo guy to hear, just to dispel any doubts. Still no action. As we get up to leave, I give it one last shot and start talking to the guy, but he seems happy alone. Conclusion: bring a fun friend for entertainment. B1F Chatelet Shibuya, 2-20-13 Higashi, Shibuya (Shibuya Station). 03 5766 5911. tinyurl.com/TOTkitsune

Night 6: Tasu Ichi Time till first flirt: Under 10 seconds Crowd watch: Japanese looking for foreigners and foreigners (tourists and locals) looking for anything. The ¥300 beer helps. Eighty to 90 percent male on weekends

Hot damn. It’s 11pm on a Friday night. My wingman makes me walk in alone, and in the 10 seconds it takes me to put down my bag and order a drink I’ve been eyed up by more men than in any of the other bars we’ve been to. Two alcohol-red guys start talking while I order; a guy across the bar gives me the thumbs up for my time record. Tomato Red 1 eventually starts putting his arm around me; I politely decline and turn towards the three guys next to me who are intently observing the situation. We talk amicably, but they leave after a while and sadly no numbers are exchanged (tourists). My wingman starts selecting men he thinks are suitable, and beckons me over. The last specimen is a Japanese guy who studied abroad and has lots of interesting stories. I’m exhausted though, so decide to just Facebook friend him and then head off to catch the last train. One hundred percent meet and stories guaranteed at this spot – if you don’t have any luck (as a woman), I’ll eat my hat. 1F Kubo Bldg, 33-14 Udagawacho, Shibuya (Shibuya Station). 03 3463 0077. www.tasuichi.co.jp

‘MY FIRST TIME AT ROBOT RESTAURANT’

By now, you’ve all seen the photos and read the reviews. But does Robot Restaurant live up to the hype? Kirsty Bouwers goes along to find out

As a Robot Restaurant virgin, I was given the task of watching the show and reporting back on the experience. While most people will by now have seen tons of images online or at least have an idea of what it entails, I went in virtually blind. My only frame of reference was the hard-to-miss exterior of the Kabukicho venue, and perhaps an old ‘Transformers’ movie as an idea of what the robots might be like. And boy, was I in for a surprise.

The show is a pure bombardment of the senses, and the first few minutes may give you more of a ‘Lost in Translation’ feeling than anything else. But the spectacle thunders on, and ropes you in with its pure adrenaline. Here’s my rundown of the best bits of the show, and what to look out for at this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

ROBOTS WITH PERSONALITY If you thought robots were just static pieces of metal with no soul, think again. Robot Restaurant makes a point of imbibing each robot with a personality, from the evil robot on its way to kill the poor forest people to the raving one rocking out with technicoloured LED lights blinking across its body. The latter was paired with a group of breakdancers, dressed in suits with similar LEDs, creating a spectacle of man-meets-robot. The end scene was equally impressive, with huge Transformer-esque robots (they did make an appearance after all) lined up and having a wiggle before taking a bow.

COOL CHICKS They may be wearing little more than a bikini-like costume, but don’t write them off as merely hypersexualised girls – the women of the show are in control. The entire first act is a full-blown taiko drumming war, with the girls beating their hearts out to the drums. By the looks of it, that takes some serious energy. These ‘josen’ continue on into the second act, which sees forest and water characters battling an evil army, led by yet another fierce woman. (We won’t say what happens to her, but it involves an angry dinosaur-snake, reared by the opposing female forces.)

A DRUMMING BUNNY Because Tokyo wouldn’t be Tokyo if there wasn’t at least some injection of kawaii-ness. This routine, which I’m told is new to the show, features a fluffy pink bunny headbanging while playing the drums. The contrast between the bunny wagging its tail and the divas in glitter-minidresses and knee-high boots singing Supremes-inspired songs was stark, but lightened up the act. It also meant that the all-important kawaii factor was brought by something other than the ladies – for a change.

ANIMAL ROBOTS I was expecting something more mechanical as opposed to massive animals recreated as robots. All of them are herded by women, and are the main foot soldiers to the josen. The fire-breathing dinosaur and the snake were especially impressive: the detail in construction was amazing, with perfectly formed teeth and smooth transitions. They moved with surprising ease and grace for their size. Those in the front row, be warned: when they say lean back, they really do mean it – or risk a bloody nose.

HOW TO BOOK Bring the discount coupon on page 67 with you to Robot Restaurant and get ¥1,000 off your bill. Robot Restaurant is open for three shows daily, starting at 5.55pm, 7.50pm and 9.45pm (with an additional show at 4pm on weekends and holidays), and the format is changed every few months to keep things fresh. You can reserve your spot a couple of days ahead by calling the number below between 9am and 10pm. The entrance fee is ¥7,000, excluding food and drinks. Note that the schedule might change due to maintenance. Shinjuku Robot Bldg, 1-7-1 Kabukicho, Shinjuku (Shinjuku Station). 03 3200 5500. www.shinjuku-robot.com. 4pm-11pm daily.