11 Things

ANNIKA TOMLIN • COLLEGE TIMES

Love is in the air, and candy and fl ower sales increase. Conversation heart candies are staple confections of Valentine’s Day.

They provide a simple pick-me-up to brighten one’s day. Most have a positive or cheery message, such as “Luv U,” “Miss U” or “Be Mine.”

Here are 11 things we wish conversation hearts said instead.

11. “EATING MY FEELINGS”

This conversation heart goes out to all the single people or those who just ended a relationship and are stress eating. Sometimes you just need a tub of ice cream and a small heart-shaped candy that gets you through the heartbreak.

10. “DEAD INSIDE”

As a more dramatic touch on the previous phrase, this one has a comical twist. Take, for instance, attending a boring lecture or writing an unexpected 1,000-word essay due just before spring break. There is a list of things that can make a person feel “dead inside.”

9. “TAKE A NAP”

Like nicely decorated wall décor probably says, “naps fi x everything.” This would serve as a nice little conversation heart to slide to a friend who has been going off about his/her ex for an hour after not getting sleep. Sometimes a simple reminder to get some sleep is all someone needs. That reminder coming in the form of a cute little candy is a bonus.

8. “AREN’T U SWEET”

The backhanded compliment to thank someone for a backhanded compliment. This is also the “I’m trying to be nice even though you don’t deserve my niceness” conversation heart. We could go on for days with this one.

7. “LIKE U AS A FRIEND”

This harks back to our teenage years when we asked someone if they liked us or not. Normally people would put “yes” or “no” and be done with it. This conversation heart removes the guessing. Take it as an easier and literally sweeter way of friend-zoning someone.

6. “YOU SMELL”

There really is no polite way of telling someone they have body odor or their breath stinks. But this is at least a way to hopefully make that person’s breath a tad bit nicer to bear.

5. “SINGLE 4-EVER”

For those celebrating National Singles Day or Anti-Valentine’s Day, this one is for you. College relationships can be trying. It’s hard when others are planning their weddings or chatting about their forever-long relationships. Then there are the people who fall into the “single forever” category who gave up on the whole relationship thing. Stay strong this Valentine’s Day season, and get an extra bag of candy.

4. “YOU’LL DO”

This one is a fun quip to give to a longtime signifi cant other for a laugh: “OMG, I can’t believe we are still together.” Or it can also be a hilarious candy to give to a best friend who sticks by you.

3. “GET TESTED/ THE VACCINE”

With another COVID-19 spike on the rise, this may become a favorite among the vaccinated who hope others will follow. That being said, “Get tested” can refer to other things, too. Leave it to the receiver’s imagination.

2. “RED FLAG”

This is perfect for a friend who needs to be told to swipe left or move on to someone else. We don’t want our besties with an excessive smoker or someone who’s overly clingy.

1. “BLESS UR HEART”

This snarky comment is used to call out someone — politely — for doing something reckless. This can also be used positively to express condolences. But normally it’s used as a backhanded, sarcastic quip to nicely say, “Wow, that was stupid,” without making someone feel bad. CT