Ask Gabby Gayle

Ask Gabby Gayle Advice column for the over-50 crowd

BY GAYLE LAGMAN-CRESWICK

QDear Gabby Gayle: The headline on your recent column really caught my attention. “Do I need to go to church?”

I thought I would add my two cents’ worth because I qualify at age 83! Years ago, someone asked me if I were a Christian. Of course, I responded, “I go to church.”

Their answer has stayed with me for well over 50 years! “If you go to your garage, does that make you a car?” You were right to di erentiate between spirituality and religion. Yes, we have a choice: We can put our car in the garage (church), safe from the elements, or we can leave it in the driveway, beaten on by the wind and rain, and baked in the sun. Which one do you think would weather the storms of life?

So, you see, AH (whose letter was in a recent column) has been given an invitation to go to the garage, not go by the rules set by man but to nd a safe haven until that day. Signed, ML

ADear ML: I loved your analogy! I apologize for having to shorten your beautiful letter. I have never thought of church in that way, but I like it!

A place of refuge, of learning, of strengthening, of becoming! Thank you for writing. Signed, GG

QDear Gabby Gayle: Dating sucks! I am 47.5. I am so sad and lonely. I broke the law when I was 23. I was just a kid, and now I have lost a lot of rights, but none of the dating sites want anything to do with me. Plus, I feel no one would want to date a felon. It has been over 20 years, but I am still paying for it. What do I do?

Signed, VL

ADear VL: I know it is really tough for felons post-prison. I went on Google and found several groups who help people like yourself.

So that is my rst suggestion. Try Google. My second suggestion is to nd a singles group that does things you may enjoy, such as biking, hiking, going to events together, dancing, etc. My third suggestion maybe should have been my rst suggestion: Find yourself a church and get involved — feed the poor, help with church events, live this good person that you are.

When your life becomes whole, you will nd people who want to date you. Also, there are situations where your rights can be restored. Do a little studying on this issue. Good luck! Signed, GG

QDear Gabby Gayle: I received a beautiful invitation in the mail from my granddaughter, who is getting married for the rst time at age 35.

I know there has been some talk among family members that she might be gay, but there was nothing o cial until I received this invitation with a snapshot of them. I thought I was going to be sick. I only have two grandchildren, and now one of them is pulling this. Maybe I have lived too long? What do you say? Signed, JJ

ADear JJ: You are not going to like what I have to say. I’m going to say you haven’t fully identi ed your job description. I believe your job as grandmother is to love, accept, understand and set an example. It is not to judge, try to change or to disown. I’m sorry you are missing out on the joy of seeing your granddaughter happy and being who she is meant to be. I wish you a change of heart. An old dog can learn new tricks! Good luck, GG

QDear Gabby Gayle: Our grandson is getting married to a lovely girl. We all love her, but we also know she comes from a family with limited means. Would it be appropriate for his grandfather and I to o er nancial help to them for the wedding festivities? Signed, BR

ADear BR: That could be a sticky situation. You don’t want to insult her or her family. It might even upset your grandson’s parents. Perhaps, it might be better to give the couple an early wedding present that they can use however they see t.

Good luck, GG

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Steve Alfonsi wants others to feel respected in home care

BY GLENN SWAIN

After a personal loss, CEO Steve Alfonsi found his mission to provide home care for those in need. (Photo by Pablo Robles)

Steve Alfonsi is on a mission to assure dignity and respect for individuals and families needing care at home, as well as those facing illness, and bring comfort at the end of life.

On the second floor of his Scottsdale office, Alfonsi is CEO of Royal Hospice and Vital Palliative and franchise owner of ComForCare Scottsdale, an in-home care agency.

He spends his days directing his home care services and, at the same time, continues a legacy to his mother’s memory.

In November 2005, Alfonsi’s mother, Shelby, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, a fast-moving disease.

Then an executive with Proctor & Gamble in Chicago, Alfonsi had his mother move in with him so he and his wife could provide personal care.

Alfonsi says he went “full bore” into his new caregiving role. Growing up in a small town in central Illinois, Alfonsi learned the importance of one’s family and the responsibility to provide care and support for the family when needed. Alfonsi began doing everything from making doctor’s appointments to changing bed sheets.

“I was a corporate executive with the responsibility of millions of dollars and working with a team,” Alfonsi says. “I thought I could figure it out. But I was also in denial. There was much I did not know about, but I quickly learned.”

At the time, Alfonsi wasn’t aware of the available home-care options.

Alfonsi remembers he and his sisters spent the last days and weeks of their mother’s life acting more as caretakers than as a son and daughters.

“Mom just wanted us to be with her and hold her hand,” he says. “Instead, we were doing dishes or taking care of her other needs.”

Shelby died in March 2006.

“I dealt with my mom’s passing by working longer hours and days,” Alfonsi says. “It was a way of processing what had happened. Over the years, I found out that there was more to life. I wanted to find a way to honor my mom and leave a legacy for her.”

Following a move to Scottsdale as an executive with Henkel, Alfonsi was determined to leave a legacy for his mom.

He learned the home care industry’s ins and outs, intending to start a company to serve families who find themselves in the same position he was in back in Chicago years before. Alfonsi’s passion for serving others began when he purchased a ComForCare franchise for Scottsdale in March 2015. Four years later, Alfonsi started Royal Hospice, which provides compassionate care and supports families, and Vital Palliative, a company offering care for severe and chronic illnesses such as congestive heart failure, cancer, AIDS, kidney failure and Alzheimer’s.

Alfonsi plans to open Royal Hospice and Vital Palliative in Tucson later this year, along with further expansion to the Portland, Oregon, area.

“It’s something I feel passionate about,” Alfonsi says. “We provide respect and dignity for others. We aspire to be perfect.”

Alfonsi advises people who find themselves in a caregiving role for those who are ill or need assistance that help is always just a phone call away.

“Make those last hours, days and weeks a better experience for your loved ones,” Alfonsi says.

“Life is precious; the time goes by so fast. Spend it with loved ones.”

Alfonsi opened Royal Hospice and Vital Palliative care in 2019. (Photo by Pablo Robles)

Vital Palliative Care and Royal Hospice Care

14809 N. 73rd Street, Suite 201, Scottsdale 480-626-2303, vitalpalliative.com 480-626-5055, royalhospice.com