OPINION

Our New Normal Is Hurting Us

By Maria Nazarian, Ph.D.

Aclient said that they stopped covering their mouth while yawning in public and it took some awareness and effort to reestablish that habit once the mask mandates went away. Yawning without covering and without a mask was impolite, but it didn’t hurt anyone. What hurt was when this client canceled Mother’s Day brunch at the last minute, because they felt too overwhelmed with reintegrating, meaning returning to in-person social and professional meetings. This problematic behavior of avoiding social gatherings required substantial effort to change, and the endeavor ultimately benefited the client and their loved ones. We all engaged in out-of-theordinary behaviors during the peak of the pandemic that were excusable at the time. Are we still engaging in habits that may be hurting others, and ultimately hurting us? Yes. Over the past nearly three years, I’ve watched how our new normal is hurting us. The “normal” we had before the lockdown was already challenging, as we struggled to find balance in our personal, occupational, and social responsibilities. But the most concerning things with our new approach to life are our fearbased choices, our loss of pre-pandemic sense of social obligation, and our lack of skills in regulating our emotions in this ever changing landscape of uncertainty. 1. Fear inevitably drove most of our decisions during the peak of the pandemic. I believe that fear continues to impact our choices unintentionally and unconsciously, more than it did pre-pandemic. Though Covid numbers are considerably lower, we’re still in a pandemic, and we’re still naturally experiencing underlying fear and worry. Fear is also involved in our continued heightened social anxiety, which increases our likelihood to avoid future social situations, which validates our fear of rejection or of being judged, and exacerbates our tendency to isolate. This, in turn, increases our feelings of loneliness and depression, making it more likely for us to have physical illness, suicidal thoughts, and substance use problems. This new normal standard of fear-based decisions is keeping us stuck in a cyclical pattern of social, emotional, and physical factors that continue to affect us in unhealthy ways. 2. While socially isolated, we might have become more and more self-focused than otherfocused without the guilt of neglecting social obligations. During this time, we also were out of practice of our social skills as we were hiding behind our masks with the comfort of perceived anonymity, and perhaps as a result of blurred boundaries and expectations in our interpersonal relationships. As we found relationships in which we didn’t want to invest or that didn’t work, we neglected or ended them; these actions were much easier while we were social distancing as we didn’t have to face anyone and had a good reason to pass on in-person gatherings. This new normal approach to social interactions seems to have caused an overall breakdown of our social networks that may not yet be repaired or replaced, which is hurting us and perpetuating difficult emotions and

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3. During the peak of the pandemic, it was expected that we’d experience uncertainty, worry, grief, anxiety and fear. However, it is harmful to experience these emotions intensely over a long period of time and detrimental to normalize this severity rather than developing skills to regulate them. It seems that, due to the chronic nature of this pandemic, we are sensitized to feeling uncertain such that we react with more discomfort and fear than is helpful. This new “normal” baseline for our emotions continues to have a negative impact on our mental health and overall functioning.

What can we do? When we learn ways to regulate our fear and other difficult emotions, we’ll be more likely to participate with appropriate graciousness in social settings and to practice setting healthier boundaries that strengthen our interpersonal relationships. Regulating emotions could begin with mindfulness training, as in becoming aware of our experience of these emotions and noticing their impact on our thoughts, sensations and interactions. Just as being mindful of yawning without a mask helped a client adapt their behavior to bring comfort in those situations. You are not alone in this new normal. We can all work on making changes in our emotional well-being and mental health professionals can help. A therapist could personalize your treatment based on how you prioritize your needs/goals. Together, you can find realistic ways to implement behavioral changes and to address unhelpful thought processes, while learning to better regulate your emotions. We don’t know what our next normal will be, but as we learn and apply techniques to stop hurting now, we’ll be better equipped for our future life’s challenges.

Maria Nazarian is a Santa Monica-based psychotherapist. Visit beachtherapist.com for more information.

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I don’t understand why we need to bulldoze nature to make it better. Please do some research and report on the restoration of the Malibu Lagoon and it’s complete ineptitude and destruction of animal species and wildlife. It’s not the same, the waters around it are green and mildew like, and it ruined the surf line for surfers that enjoyed that area for many years. It’s gone. Maybe do an in-depth article to research what has been done before. Whenever the state fights nature, they destroy it. Same with the Oxford Lagoon in Marina del Rey. Hardly any wild birds go there anymore. Monarch butterflies that are now endangered don’t flock in the 50-year-old trees that they chain sawed down (at the protest of many people). This is always about a money train and it’s simply disgusting and wrong. Please send someone to report what went wrong with these other projects…that is the truth that needs to be told out there. Thank you. Beth Holden-Garland Los Angeles

Re: “Historical Win” Editor:

Can someone please explain the letter to the editor that appeared on 12/15 (“Historical Win” by Ron Bassilian)? It was about the recent local election, but celebrates the defeat of Mike Bonin, who wasn’t on the ballot. (The last time he was on a ballot, he beat a recall vote). It then extols the winner Traci Park for beating Erin Darling, defining it as a defeat of the “city machine backed candidate.” Now, I looked everywhere; I can’t find this machine. The County Board and the City Council are at odds. The City Council is chaotic and disorganized. We have a new mayor who doesn’t have a machine. Here’s my confusion: Park was almost entirely financed by the real estate, corporate landlord, and developer industries who run this city, as well as the non-resident, right-wing Police Union. As a lawyer, her clients were various governments, aka political machines. Darling was, well, as you could have seen, not really financed by anyone! And his campaign signs disappeared as soon as they were put up. As a lawyer, his clients at Legal Aid and as an indigent criminal defender, were poor and middle-class people in trouble. Darling pulled in $83,700. Park raised $387,000.According to Ethics Commission filings, approximately 100 contributions to Park came from people or entities involved in the real estate or development sector. Darling counted a single “real estate investor” in his donor rolls. So, which CD11 candidate was the favorite of the establishment moneyed machine which has run Los Angeles for decades and left it in the condition it is currently in?

Jack Schwartz Venice

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