OPINION

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Cheney shows true colors with appearance here

BY JD HAYWORTH Tribune Columnist

You, your neighbors, heck…even Aunt Mavis and Uncle Travis… know all about the “strange bedfellows” that populate politics.

But it’s not the bedfellows who warrant watching…it’s the bedbugs. Political bedbugs find their fulfillment in efforts aimed at “campaign infestation,” hoping to first deprive their targeted candidates of sleep, and eventually, of votes. A caterpillar becomes a butterfly through metamorphosis; a political bedbug undergoes a process that is completely reversed, metaphorically speaking. Once a political “high-flyer,” often due to very generous financial backing or a famous family name (or both), the reclusive creature is soon attracted to the neon sign of Washington’s so-called “smart set.”

Willing to trade principles for prominence, the previously promising public servant begins to echo the outlook of elites, forgetting the promises made and the priorities expressed by the folks “back home.”

It becomes quite problematic if “back home” isn’t really back home…if the luminary in question is much more comfortable living amidst the bright lights of the big city and all the attendant hubbub, instead of the quieter, simpler ways of the remote “residence.”

True residents of the aforementioned “residence” eventually respond harshly and justly. Simply stated, they find their voices through their votes.

ZAP!

The people speak and the one-time high-flyer is brought low.

The fall is a long one, and the landing rough, though not fatal.

But rather than being humbled and chastened, the soon-to-be former officeholder wallows in self-pity, dependent on the accolades of the elites, who are happy to utter them loudly, if insincerely.

After all, there’s an ulterior motive afoot… one for which the now-vanquished, earthbound, and publicly embarrassed “public servant” is uniquely equipped…if “handled” in a clever, faux compassionate manner.

Revenge.

And that promised vengeance is found through (you guessed it) voting.

Only now, the newly-created political bedbug advocates voting for candidates anointed by the elites…candidates who will quickly disassociate with the newly motivated “pest” once the masterful manipulation is complete and any envisioned electoral advantage is realized or rejected.

Though she lost the GOP nomination for her seat in Congress, Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyoming) is the obvious nominee for “Political Bedbug of the Year.”

Egged on by the elites and her “new best friends” on the Left, Liz has gone…well, “buggy.”

Her displeasure—some might say derangement—concerning Donald Trump remains unabated.

But for some reason, she now wants to insert herself into the race for governor here in Arizona.

Featured as the “closing keynote” at the “‘Texas Tribune’ Festival” Sept. 24, Liz lashed out at Kari Lake.

“I’m going to do everything I can to make sure Kari Lake is not elected,” said the soon-to-be ex-Congresswoman.

Liz even said she would come to our

see HAYWORTH page 21

ADOT driving test changes evoke fond memories

BY DAVID LEIBOWITZ

Tribune Columnist

The summer after I turned 17, my father took me to a middle school parking lot and attempted to teach me how to drive a car. This did not go well, mostly because we were operating at cross purposes.

I wanted to drive fast. My dad wanted me not to crash his beloved Toyota Tercel.

Voices were raised. Feelings were bruised. The car may have brushed a traffic barrier. Thus, my driving lessons quickly came to an end – until my mother took over.

Which was how I learned to drive on my mom’s ancient 1972 Ford Pinto with a 4-speed stick shift, a mushy clutch and 150,000 miles on it.

We practiced two nights a week, working up to the big encore: parallel parking, which my mother simulated for me with some five-gallon paint cans and a couple of stolen traffic pylons.

Chances are good the local school parking lot still has splashes of latex semigloss from my many suboptimal tries at parallel parking. There was a rhythm to it that eluded me, a sense of space and objects my eyes and hands couldn’t nail.

Especially with my mom screaming over the screech of grinding gears.

Still, when the big day came and I had the Motor Vehicles examiner in the car, I wedged that Pinto into a parking space well enough to earn my driver’s license.

This immediately surpassed winning the eighth grade spelling bee as my life’s biggest accomplishment to that point.

And it’s why I was a bit nostalgic this week when I saw that the Arizona Department of Transportation has changed the state’s road test so it no longer requires new drivers to parallel park as a condition of earning a license.

I get it: Parallel parking is one of those skills, like knowing how to drive a stick or how to start a fire, that has been lost to time and modern convenience.

ADOT did add a few wrinkles to the test that I appreciate, like requiring each would-be driver to locate the vehicle’s registration and insurance card among the old napkins in the glove compartment.

There’s also a brief vehicle inspection to make sure the turn signals work – though I’ve rarely seen an Arizona driver use that particular feature – and a safety test to prove the applicant can find the hazard lights and emergency brake – again, not Arizona specialties.

Only then will the road test begin. “This portion of the test will now take approximately 15-20 minutes to cover the five to eight miles that better reflects a typical commute,” ADOT’s press release explained.

Their prep materials indicate that screwing up following distance during the test is a 10-point violation, while hitting the curb gets you four points. Score 21 points or more and you fail.

The test apparently doesn’t include points for tweezing your eyebrows while driving, using an electric razor while on the freeway, or dislodging a 500-degree venti Starbucks from your lap because you stopped short to avoid running a red light – all things I’ve witnessed during my 27 years driving in Arizona. Okay, fine. It was my coffee. And yes, my thighs healed nicely after a month and three tubes of Neosporin. Thanks for asking.

My relationship with my parents healed eventually, too. Parallel parking and driving stick were teenage rites of

state and campaign for the Democrats.

If that was supposed to be a threat, it failed miserably.

When informed of Rep. Cheney’s comments, the Arizona GOP nominee was jubilant.

Lake exclaimed, “I think she just gave me the biggest, best gift ever!”

Don’t look for the Dems to invite Liz Cheney here…and don’t expect Aunt Mavis or Uncle Travis to vote for Katie Hobbs, either.

They’re behind Kari Lake, but they don’t think Liz Cheney is a political bedbug.

They call Liz by another name: RINO 

LEIBOWITZ from page 20

passage we muddled through together, along with learning to tie a Windsor knot and how to balance a checkbook.

Now it’s 2022. I only wear ties to funerals and Quicken handles my checking account. But I did parallel park downtown last week without clipping a car or ending up four feet from the curb. My mom would have been proud – right after she stopped screaming. 

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