My Devotion

HAIR STRAND THIN: HARSH JUDGEMENT OR GENTLE REBUKE?

By Liz Omondi | Email: timestodayke@gmail.com | Image courtesy: medium.com

Concern that she had lost noticeable weight and appeared aloof during our last girlfriends’ meeting, barely two days afterward, I listened to her explanation for my concern. Her interesting introduction moments into the phone conversation, I felt like my ears raised and head cocked slightly like a cute dog on high alert.

“The reason I have called you first among our friends is because…” She went on for over half an hour, pouring out her heart to me. I listed attentively without interjecting, and as she went on, I began to pray short questions to God in my heart, ‘What do I tell her without appearing judgemental? How do I gently rebuke my sister in Christ? Have I failed to set a good example in my Christian walk for others to emulate? Now that I have just completed reading the book of Job, are You O God testing what l have learnt, if anything at all, on how not to respond as job’s friends did during his plight?

Like an acrobat balancing on a suspended rope mid-air, I found myself balancing the thin hair strand between what may appear as gentle rebuke, or as harsh judgement. The one disseminating the rebuke may think it as gentle, but to the one receiving it, may perceive the reproof as harsh judgment. I listened on and felt disappointed.

The one I called my friend, freely and willingly confessed her sin to me. I was concerned when she started justifying her sin based on her parents’ background and the experience of her siblings. Sexual immorality is the name of the sin she had committed. Worse still, she did it without remorse to satisfy her desires.

Now, she is expecting her second child out of wedlock with another woman’s husband. I was disgusted, but this could not be seen since this conversation was over the phone. I was disappointed, yet this was someone who was probably expecting me to console, or maybe even support her misguided decisions. But, I was determined to put into practice the twenty seventh Proverb verse five and six, “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.”

A family somewhere is hurting and two children will be raised without a father. I was a recipient of this upsetting news, yet I was not going to keep silent and determined to remind her the truth of God’s Word. I was going to apply Matthew 18:15 to this conversation, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.”

Though this was not a sin against me, I felt the pain of those voiceless and vulnerable children. When I got my chance to speak, I cited the story of David and the sin he committed with Bathsheba. I also reminded her how God used the prophet Nathan to rebuke that sin and David’s response was repentance from the heart.

On the flip side, I mentioned the story of King Saul and the attitude he had towards the sin he had committed and his lack of repentance. This cost him dearly and was rejected by God as king of Israel. King Saul continued in his sin and was very miserable and died pitifully.

I wanted to carryout James 5:19-20 on this friend who is only a year younger than myself. It says, “My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”

Having dismissed some of her other friends, whom she deemed to have a ‘holier than thou’ attitude, I wanted to be cautious not to be labelled the same. How was I to practice the Scripture in Matthew 5:7:1-5? “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

According to the Oxford advanced learner’s dictionary, to judge is to form an opinion about somebody, or something based on the information you have. So in regard to my friends story, it would have been very easy for me to judge and give her a bad label. But, Romans 3:23-24 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus.”

Aware of this hair strand thin line, I found myself in a situation where I had to be cautious balancing between being silent and judge friend in my heart, or speak out and gently rebuke a sin that would soon be evident to all. May God help me.